And in memory of the late Tim Bell, Margaret Thatcher's favourite coke head, here's a thing I wrote for @tribunemagazine in 2010, as a thread: "Here’s a story about George Osborne you might find instructive. About 5 years ago I was emailed by a minion at Bell Pottinger...
..a PR racket named after and run by Tim Bell, Margaret Thatcher’s favourite ad man. They were proposing to organise an exhibition of my work at the Westminster Bookshop, similar to one that Denis MacShane got together in 1998 and which was opened by Peter Mandelson. Better yet
...they even had someone lined up grandly to open this one, in the form of George Osborne MP! I replied to the email in the following terms. First, I wasn’t quite sure who George Osborne was, apart from being a character in Thackery’s Vanity Fair, and second I wasn’t in the...
..business of providing the figleaf of having a sense of humour to ambitious young Tory politicians. That said, however, I would go along with their little plan so long as I could sell my work, invite my mates and make a speech. They instantly agreed to all my conditions and...
..so, about a month later, the big night arrived. My work was propped up on shelves around the bookshop, my mates duly arrived and commenced on the serious exercise of hoovering up as much of Lord Bell’s free booze as possible, and then George arrived, trailing behind Tim Bell.
They both had a little look round, then George and I mounted the steps up to the mezzanine level and George made a speech. Cartoons, he said, were absolutely splendid things, and these were all jolly good, and though he didn’t see any of himself round the walls, doubtless I...
...would draw him in time. He concluded with some bland pronouncement I no longer remember, and it was now my turn to speak. I started off by saying that the reason I hadn’t done any cartoons of him was that, until this evening, I had no idea what he looked like, and until...
...a few weeks previously I’d never heard of him. This, I continued, was because of the abject hopelessness of the Conservative opposition, who through arrogance and self-indulgence had left the real job of opposition to the cartoonists like myself and Steve Bell, who was also..
... enjoying his ennobled namesake’s largesse. However, I went on, should the dark day ever arrive when he, George, managed to climb to the top of the greasy poll (he gave an enthusiastic bark at this point), then it was only fair to warn him that every day of his life my...
..colleagues and I would be emphasising his weak chin, that weird cleft in his nose, his bad skin and every thing else about his appearance, while also depicting him eating babies while wading thigh-high through a vast lake of human blood and shit. And I finished off by telling..
..him that if he didn’t fancy a future of crying himself to sleep every night, he still had time to retire from public life and get into interior decoration or run a pet shop or something. It was at this point, with his lower lip trembling slightly, that the future Chancellor...
...of the Exchequer suddenly burst out “I wasn’t expecting this kind of thing! If I'd known it was going to be like this I wouldn't have come!" In truth, I now felt slightly sorry for him. I’d been ungracious and mean, and my mates were still hoovering up Lord Bell’s booze...
...so as he was leaving I expressed my thanks and apologised for being a bit hard on Osborne. However, Bell just snarled, “Needs a bit of toughening up...” and swept out in a cloud of sulphur. I’ve told you all this because we need to understand various things about George...
Osborne, this Government’s economic Vandal-in-Chief. First, he’s almost a victim of his own ambition, one of those Tory boys like Cameron or Portillo before them who was specifically groomed by the Tory Establishment - in his case in the form of Tim Bell - for greater things...
...in ways as toe-curlingly sinister as anything that happens in cyberspace." 'Nuff said, eh?
• • •
Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to
force a refresh
