Not to be defeated merely by being unable to scan a QR code on my phone, with my phone, at the same time, afte much copy and pasting it now appears to be attempting to scan the room I am in, in search of Rishi Sunak’s announcement.
I am by no means some sort of technophobe and fifteen minutes later, neither my iPhone 12 nor my google chromebook appear to be capable of deciphering what this is meant to be about. Still, innovation is growth.
What an absolute thrill to start the week, finding out from an actual government
minister that a government with an 80 seat majority can’t do what it said it would because of the pundits.
“I’m afraid it’s bad news again prime minister. We had the Northern Ireland border problem completely sorted but Peston’s gone and done another tweet thread and we’re back to square one I’m afraid.”
“Oh well. Can’t be helped. Where are we on the trade deal with America?”
“Completely banjaxed boss. Was all ready to go then Marina Hyde just ripped the arse out of it.”
Morning! Just got so spooked by Coleen coming through the security scanners after me that I spilt a quid out my tray and through the conveyor belt rollers, and she ensured I got it back. Legend.
Rebekah Vardy has arrived. She is wearing a black blazer, a white shirt buttoned all the way up, an outfit that is essentially a glam version of a barrister’s court dress. The hair, too has got more than a nod to a barrister’s wig. It’s like she’s gone full John Terry.
Day Three of Wagatha Christie aka The Scousetrap (h/t @rowancope). More questions for Rebekah Vardy, this time on how it came to pass that she dragged a load of wags out of a restaurant where they encountered a pap who was meant to be hiding in the bushes.
(This involves basically stitching up a load of the England players wives, and the damning whatsapps with her agent have all been read out. Once again, we repeat, this trial was *her* idea.)
Vardy is now being told she’s signed court submissions which says she had nothing to do with any of this. Since then the court has got hold of the whatsapps that show she did. But she was telling the truth because she hadn’t *read* the whatsapps either. (But she did write them.)
A very long trawl through Rebekah Vardy’s whatsapps going on now, and specifically the subject of Rooney’s unfollowing of Vardy on Instagram.
“Wow,” begins David Sherborne QC. “What a cunt.”
Occurs to me the last time I was in this building it was to hear lengthy discussion on the “root of Mr Assange’s penis.” If oak panelled walls could talk..:
Most of the morning’s interrogation has involved tabloid stories about Mr G shagging Mrs F behind Mrs H’s back, their names removed for privacy. It’s not clear, to me at least, why this basic right was not extended yesterday to Peter Andre’s penis.