(I wrote this last year, about Scott Frost & the #Huskers' 0-4 start. Still applies.)
THREAD
Imagine, if you will, that you are from a small town somewhere in rural Nebraska. A tight-knit, fiercely proud community.
Where "everyone knows everyone" is as certain as the one-finger-steering-wheel-wave you're going to get when you inevitably make eye contact with someone driving down the main drag of town.
Now, imagine that you left that town and went on to achieve unprecedented success. You are a hotshot brain surgeon that appears on CNN as a guest panelist, or you're a startup company mogul that's making millions off a hot new app.
Imagine if that little town, with all the proud parents and awestruck locals, held a special day for you. They wanted to present you with The Key to their little city, with the Mayor and your old high school band playing a song, as you walked onto a dais.
Now, picture walking up that stage.
The music is playing.
The crowd cheering.
Local newspaper taking photos as you walk towards that giant-ass gold key on the first annual "_____(Your Name Here)_____ Day!"
Now imagine that, as you're walking, your pants fall off. All the way.
Not just down a little bit, like you're in need of tightening up that belt loop.
I mean off-off.
Down to your ankles.
And that you're wearing the most embarrassing underwear possible.
Whether that's a fiery red, silk man-thong, or a pair of Justin Bieber granny panties from his tweenage years (*Author's note: do those exist?) that have moth-holes in them.
You hear the tuba player, and the 17-year-old trombone player make one of those embarrassing I'm -all-out-of-oxygen-due-to-shock "schmmmmborrrrnnnggh" noise with their instruments and everyone stares at you in utter horror.
It doesn't make those other achievements vanish. It doesn't mean that you won't pull those pants up, grab that key and then proceed to give a tear-jerking inspirational speech before writing a check that donates enough money to the local school's gymnasium.
...that they rename the entire damn floor in your honor.
But, the here and now kind of sucks, regardless.
That's Scott Frost and his return to our Nebraska Cornhuskers.
That's our hometown kid, coming back to make good after conquering the world outside the cannon-shaped confines of our 1.8 million person small town of a state.
And those are his pants, our pants, really, that are twisted down around the ankles while everyone stares in saucer-eyed stupor at how poorly things have suddenly gone.
So, if you're frustrated and think that we've underperformed? You're right. If you feel like Scott Frost has struggled as a head coach at his first power five school? That's valid criticism, too. And, for what it's worth, I agree.
But thinking those things -- that Frost is a young, relatively inexperienced head coach who has faced only mere flecks of adversity on his way to superstardom -- AND that we're going to be fine eventually can and should coexist.
The Sea of Red doesn't have to be black and white. Not on this one.
It is okay to sit on the fence, while the fence is still under construction.
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Bruce Willis announced that he's stepping away from acting due to an aphasia diagnosis.
About 12 years ago, my Dad had a massive stroke. He was diagnosed, shortly thereafter, with Aphasia. Here's a little bit what it's been like for us and for him.
First, I'll state the obvious: when it comes to matters of the brain and the human body, no two people seem to be alike. These are our experiences and in no way predictive of what the Willis family will go through or what Bruce himself will deal with.
Second: I'm far from medically inclined and I may miss on some of the details of his condition or get them wrong. I encourage all of you to go to aphasia.org for actual smart people saying actual smart things.
National pundits trying to burn Nebraska football with some giant, curtain-pulling reveal of our mediocrity like the miserably predictable magicians that they are; ignoring the fact that we put the fucking rabbit in the hat backstage already.
Like, "Tah-Dah!" You guys had Mike Riley as a coach and have underperformed.
What a fucking revelatory move, David Blaine. Hell of a plot twist, considering we were in the writers room the entire time, you stumblefucking twits.
"Abra-Cadabra! You guys care way too much!"
Whoa, Houdini. My mind just blew the fuck out of my skull, like we're not B-Rabbit kicking our own ass and then handing them the mic to try to tell us how we over-Tweet and underwin.
Nebraska leaves the Big Ten, signs a streaming deal with Amazon -- giving them access to the program a la 'Hard Knocks' -- and giving NU a direct & unprecedented pipeline to proper medical supplies and merch distribution (I have no idea how this actually works, so bear with me).
They show a fully televised scrimmage, a 7-on-7s contest, and a skills challenge on consecutive weekends that enable the team to showcase themselves and enable Amazon to have an "Adults Only", swear-words/drinking encouraged broadcast of a game against Iowa after a few weeks.
They also feature Scott Frost and Mario Verduzco going one-on-one in both chess and beer pong. Iowa gets a $2,000,000 check for participating and Nebraska makes bank.
RIP to the place that once sold me a case of Beer Thirty Light for $11.98.
Again, I bought an entire 30 cams of beer for under $12. And it tasted like it.
Beer Thirty Light, which has a STAGGERING 1.5 rating on a beer app.
And which -- and I'm sure this was purely in my own mind, but I can't shake the fact that it feels wholly accurate as I reflect on it now -- somehow TASTED purple, like the box.