Trying out #Minecraft for the 1st time with 5yo. No idea what's going on. We just killed a cow with our bare hands.
He just hit a pig with a steak until it died.
Now he's drowning himself trying to kill a fish with a pork loin.
It's been a couple of weeks and 5yo has gotten pretty great at #Minecraft now!
After a few concerning days of murderous rampage, he discovered he could tame cats. Cue spawning a million cats and setting up a crazy cat lady (gentleman?) house.
After a few concerning days of murderous rampage, he discovered he could tame cats. Cue spawning a million cats and setting up a crazy cat lady (gentleman?) house.
Exciting #Minecraft update! He's discovered taming wolves and is now roaming the countryside with his ENORMOUS wolf pack siccing them on any poor creature that dares cross their path.
The most adorable bit is after each "mission" they have a graduation ceremony where he tells them they're all "Good Boys!" and then dyes the collars of the MVPs in karate belt ranks 😆😍
2yo misunderstands the name #Minecraft and thinks 5yo is saying it's *MINE*. 2yo subsequently refers to it as "5yo's Name" Craft! 🤣
The wolf pack are graduating!! 🐺 
Tragedy in the wolf pack! He's discovered a dog lead and keeps accidentally flying and dragging them to their deaths. 😬
He's now spawning NPCs purely to set his wolves on them.
Hmmm...
...this is probably fine. 😬😅
Hmmm...
...this is probably fine. 😬😅
5yo currently blowing up zombies in #Minecraft while singing TNT by @acdc.
@GhostHause has taught him well.
@GhostHause has taught him well.
Thought it would be fun to show 5yo some @pewdiepie #Minecraft videos. Now he's narrating everything he's doing -but he's no Pewds. 😬
He's discovered placing multiple juke boxes and playing different songs on each. Save me.
Those pools of water either side of the flower patch are his baths. One for him and one for his pet fox 😍
He's left his bee farm and taken up residence in an abandoned village. I wasn't watching at the time and he said there were some pillagers that he killed, but I'm a liiiittle concerned they might have actually been VILLagers. 😬
#MinecraftMonday #Minecraft
#MinecraftMonday #Minecraft
5yo: Mommy! I was being a pirate! 😃
Me: Oh yeah? How were you being a pirate?
5yo: I was breaking into people's homes and stealing their treasure!
Me: That sounds more like you were being a burglar than a pirate...
5yo: Pirates like treasure!
#Minecraft #MinecraftMonday
Me: Oh yeah? How were you being a pirate?
5yo: I was breaking into people's homes and stealing their treasure!
Me: That sounds more like you were being a burglar than a pirate...
5yo: Pirates like treasure!
#Minecraft #MinecraftMonday
Who put bells in this game?! 😬
5yo is building a theme park in #Minecraft. The 1st "ride" is a shallow pool with a diving board that's above the clouds.
Don't worry though folks -it's safe!
He put carpet on the diving board so "people won't slip and bump their heads"! 🤣
Don't worry though folks -it's safe!
He put carpet on the diving board so "people won't slip and bump their heads"! 🤣
5yo is inisting I ring @Mojang RIGHT NOW and tell them to add penguins to @Minecraft. It's very important.
He's literally waiting.
He ate a pufferfish and his vision went all wobbly. Ended up explaining posion and alcohol to a 5yo. It's weird the conversations #Minecraft makes you have 😅
He built a snow lab and went on a huge snowman building bender. They kept wandering off, so I suggested building a pen to keep them safe. I had it in my mind as more of a snowman paddock, where they were free to roam, but he made these creepy little containers instead 😬
Turns out you can blow up creepers. There goes the afternoon!
He's fighting a dragon!!! He's fighting a dragon!!!
It's set to not fight back -but it's still exciting! 😄
#Minecraft
It's set to not fight back -but it's still exciting! 😄
#Minecraft
Damn. The "end credits" of #Minecraft are deep! 😱😭
5yo was quiet, so I thought he was as awe struck as I was. 🤩 Then, when I'm mid sentence, on the verge of tears, he cheerfully exclaims to 2yo "Did you see me kill the dragon?!"
@Minecraft @Mojang
5yo was quiet, so I thought he was as awe struck as I was. 🤩 Then, when I'm mid sentence, on the verge of tears, he cheerfully exclaims to 2yo "Did you see me kill the dragon?!"
@Minecraft @Mojang
He flew off and lost his snow lab. 😭❄️ After some tears, he stumbled upon a village. He murdered a villager and claimed his house as his own, but the "naughty" guy has the gall to keep respawning and sleeping in "his" bed 🤣
#Minecraft
#Minecraft
@GhostHause moved 5yo over from PS4 to Switch so we could reclaim the TV. He might be seeing the error of his ways right now while he's sitting in the bath with Minecrafting 5yo jabbering away next to him! 🤣
The danger of passing out on the sofa at our #NewYears party? Spend your hangover having #Minecraft loudly narrated at you by a bright eyed 5yo! 🤣
5yo: I made a trap for monsters who try to come in my house. I put a fire behind the door, so when they come in they'll fall in the fire -but then my house went on fire.
#Minecraft problems.
#Minecraft problems.
Me: Whatcha building there, pal?
5yo: It’s to protect my kitties from bad guys coming in the house.
Me: Oh yeah? How does it work?
5yo: This is a book that they have to sign before they can come in and if they put a *burglar name*, this TNT will blow them up.
5yo: It’s to protect my kitties from bad guys coming in the house.
Me: Oh yeah? How does it work?
5yo: This is a book that they have to sign before they can come in and if they put a *burglar name*, this TNT will blow them up.
Asked him what a "burglar name" might be and he said "BAD GUY".
😮🤣
😮🤣
5yo: These blazers are such cowards! If you were a *REAL* gamer then maybe you wouldn't be such a COWARD!
(Says the kid that's playing #Minecraft on creative mode) 🤣
(Says the kid that's playing #Minecraft on creative mode) 🤣
He's now spawned an insane number of "blazers" (blazes) and is murdering them all while calling them cowards.
Me: That's a lot pal. Why are you killing them?
5yo: I need blaze rods!
Me: Why?
5yo: Because I need blaze power!
Me: Why?
5yo: For SCIENCE! 🤩
Me: That's a lot pal. Why are you killing them?
5yo: I need blaze rods!
Me: Why?
5yo: Because I need blaze power!
Me: Why?
5yo: For SCIENCE! 🤩
We got a add on pack with cute pets and a city. Instead of playing with adorable pets, he's declared himself "King of the Skeletons", spawned a black skeleton army and made a motorbike out of scrap.
#Minecraft
#Minecraft
He's invaded some poor persons mansion and filled the pool with black skeletons. The way they're all writhing around in there is serious nightmare fuel.
Take that 1%er?
Take that 1%er?
Oh, and that little stand you see in the background is his store. He discovered how to make banners, so he set up a shop.
He tells me he's not killing *everyone*, so they can come to his shop. 🤨😅
He tells me he's not killing *everyone*, so they can come to his shop. 🤨😅
5yo: Hey! Get off my bed!! We talked about this! 😠
Me: Who's in your bed?
5yo: THAT SKELETON!! 😡
#minecraft @Minecraft
Me: Who's in your bed?
5yo: THAT SKELETON!! 😡
#minecraft @Minecraft
He's set up an unnecessarily convoluted entrance to his house with one way doors, trap door bridges and levers.
Now he's melting down because "IT'S TOO HARD TO GET IN MY HOUSE!!!" 😡😡😡
🙄
Now he's melting down because "IT'S TOO HARD TO GET IN MY HOUSE!!!" 😡😡😡
🙄
He spawned a metric crap-ton of guinea pigs and mice in his house. The squeaking was so loud, it even drove *him* mad! He decided he wanted them gone, but it was taking too long to exterminate them by hand. I suggested adding cats to take care of them...
Me: Are the cats helping?
5yo (barely audible over deafening squeaks, wheeks and meows): They're doing NOTHING! 😩
#Minecraft
5yo (barely audible over deafening squeaks, wheeks and meows): They're doing NOTHING! 😩
#Minecraft
5yo (proudly): I'm VERY good at mining.
💥multiple explosion sounds💥
💥multiple explosion sounds💥
We tried #Minecraft survival yesterday. I set it to easy, assuming it would be the same as creative, where the mobs don't attack.
I kept telling 5yo to make a house before nightfall, but he decided making sticks and finding pumpkin seeds were the absolute priority (no idea why)
I kept telling 5yo to make a house before nightfall, but he decided making sticks and finding pumpkin seeds were the absolute priority (no idea why)
Night fell and it turns out the mobs very much DO attack. Zombie appears. Cue screaming. I encorage him to hit him with one of his millions of sticks. Zombie dies! Happy tears! Then another zombie jumps him from behind and finishes him off.
He screeched in fear like we do when a #ResidentEvil zombie jumps us, but this thing is just a rubbish box with box arms. Poor little guy was traumatized. Lots of tears and cuddles later, I realize I can set it to "peaceful" so there's no baddies.
He made me wander around for a bit, until he was convinced it was safe.
Once he took over again, he almost immediately fell into a deep chasm. I estimated digging our way out through solid rock with nothing but sticks was going to take at least 10mins.
Once he took over again, he almost immediately fell into a deep chasm. I estimated digging our way out through solid rock with nothing but sticks was going to take at least 10mins.
After a short stand off about who was going to do it, (fuck that!) we booted up creative mode again. 😅
Guys! Guys!! 5yo got up stupid early this morning and started playing #Minecraft. I was winding up to be mad at him, but then he showed me what he'd made. How cool is this?! 🤩
He says it's a "Nerf Gun House".
He says it's a "Nerf Gun House".
The door on the side is the exit and only opens from the inside.
To find the entrance you have to go all the way to the steps at the end of the laser beam and walk along the glass bridge!
To find the entrance you have to go all the way to the steps at the end of the laser beam and walk along the glass bridge!
5yo: Last night I was dreaming that I killed @pewdiepie and took all his stuff before he respawned!
Me: That's not very nice, buddy. 🤨
5yo: It was nice for me! 😃
#Minecraft
Me: That's not very nice, buddy. 🤨
5yo: It was nice for me! 😃
#Minecraft
5yo: Uh-oh, it's getting dark. Better head to bed!
Me: Oh yeah? 😃 It's so nice not having to fight you for once! You're really growing u-
5yo: It's morning!
Me: Oh... You meant in #Minecraft 😑
Me: Oh yeah? 😃 It's so nice not having to fight you for once! You're really growing u-
5yo: It's morning!
Me: Oh... You meant in #Minecraft 😑
Me: Are you just on fire, eating apples?
5yo: Yes.
5yo: Yes.
5yo: I've built my teachers baby!
Me: Oh, this I HAVE to see! 😃
Guys -it's as amazing as it is terrifying! 🤣
He's set up a little minecart toy for him to play with. The nearby animals keep climbing in and taking rides!
#Minecraft
Me: Oh, this I HAVE to see! 😃
Guys -it's as amazing as it is terrifying! 🤣
He's set up a little minecart toy for him to play with. The nearby animals keep climbing in and taking rides!
#Minecraft
5yo: I just bred some villagers!
Me: Uhhh...
5yo: I fed them potatoes and they got naked and then there was a baby!
Me: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
#Minecraft 🤨
Me: Uhhh...
5yo: I fed them potatoes and they got naked and then there was a baby!
Me: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
#Minecraft 🤨
It turns out 5yo just saw @pewdiepie breeding villagers.
Now he's trapped 2 villagers in a pen and is lobbing potatoes at them, hoping to make a baby.
I told him to add beds (as per the wiki) so now he's shouting at them to go to sleep in their beds! 🤣
Now he's trapped 2 villagers in a pen and is lobbing potatoes at them, hoping to make a baby.
I told him to add beds (as per the wiki) so now he's shouting at them to go to sleep in their beds! 🤣
5yo: JUST 😠 MAKE 😠 BABIES!!!!! 😠
He's filled the dispenser with potatoes so they can help themselves, like goddamn hamsters! 🤣
#Minecraft
He's filled the dispenser with potatoes so they can help themselves, like goddamn hamsters! 🤣
#Minecraft
New day, new project! 5yo has made a "King Creeper" out of TNT.
He's sealed actual creepers inside, so I guess it's kind of a creeper piñata?
Taking bets on how long this powder keg it will last 😆
#Minecraft
He's sealed actual creepers inside, so I guess it's kind of a creeper piñata?
Taking bets on how long this powder keg it will last 😆
#Minecraft
He started dabbling in enchanting and made flaming arrows. You can imagine what happened next...
-RIP King Creeper
2/2/2020 - 2/2/2020
-RIP King Creeper
2/2/2020 - 2/2/2020
5yo is braving #Minecraft survival mode again (on peaceful).
He's currently finding new and exciting ways to kill himself.
This is probably fine...? 😬
He's currently finding new and exciting ways to kill himself.
This is probably fine...? 😬
He's finally bored of killing himself and wants to play properly. Trying to coach an ADHD 5yo through a #Minecraft tutorial is a new curcle of hell.
I think I broke my #Minecraft thread? Seems to fracture off in places. Annoying!
I'll attempt to continue it here. He came downstairs decked out in his "Minecraft Costume", so I of course had to take a pic!
I'll attempt to continue it here. He came downstairs decked out in his "Minecraft Costume", so I of course had to take a pic!
5yo's guide to making zombie pigmen in #Minecraft
He has declared he's going to "rich himself on bread" and is breaking into NPC houses and stealing bread from their chests. I asked why and he said he's a "Bread Pirate!"
I suggested he calls himself the Bread Pirate Roberts.
-Feeling pretty proud of myself for that one. 😏
I suggested he calls himself the Bread Pirate Roberts.
-Feeling pretty proud of myself for that one. 😏
5yo wrote a book!!! WTF!?! I didn't know he could write!! 😮
Here's the translation:
"100yrs ago there was a doctor and he made a machine and MOBs came in and went in the machine. Lava turned green and the block monster turned the world of #Minecraft into a pumpkin."
Here's the translation:
"100yrs ago there was a doctor and he made a machine and MOBs came in and went in the machine. Lava turned green and the block monster turned the world of #Minecraft into a pumpkin."
He's all embarrassed that I posted this because apparently it's not *his* story, but one he heard. Dude you still wrote a book!!!! 😮
5yo: I keep the Block Monster book right here so I can read it to them every night! 😃
Me: ...them? 🤨
Turns out he's trapped 2 zombies (one a baby) and a skeleton in a pit by his bed. 😱
Me: ...them? 🤨
Turns out he's trapped 2 zombies (one a baby) and a skeleton in a pit by his bed. 😱
5yo: I'm feeding him!
Me: That's nice! 😊 Who?
5yo: The zombie! I gave him a villager, so he could eat his brain! 😃
Me: Oh. Cooool...? 🤨
#Minecraft
Me: That's nice! 😊 Who?
5yo: The zombie! I gave him a villager, so he could eat his brain! 😃
Me: Oh. Cooool...? 🤨
#Minecraft
5yo: When I grow up I'm going to have an army of 5 year olds that play #Minecraft!
Me: Oh yeah? What will they do?
5yo: They won't do anything else except play Minecraft!
Me: Oh yeah? What will they do?
5yo: They won't do anything else except play Minecraft!
With the kids home, @Mojang kindly released some free educational #Minecraft packs! 😃
I'm not sure 5yo is doing it right. He's gone all #DOOM on the International Space Station.
I'm not sure 5yo is doing it right. He's gone all #DOOM on the International Space Station.
5yo: THERE'S CHICKENS IN THE HUMAN EYE!!! 😃
Still don't think he's using these educational #Minecraft packs right... 🤨
Still don't think he's using these educational #Minecraft packs right... 🤨
5yo's #Minecraft creations are getting more impressive AND more batshit! 🤣
This is a robot with muscles. It has the Neon City logo above it and is holding a glass of water, because "that's funny!"
I asked if it was on the loo and appauled, 5yo said it's an office chair.
This is a robot with muscles. It has the Neon City logo above it and is holding a glass of water, because "that's funny!"
I asked if it was on the loo and appauled, 5yo said it's an office chair.
5yo's current YouTube obsession is a chap called @dantdm.
He found a guide to make a "plushie" of him in #Minecraft, then went the extra mile and turned it into a POP Vinyl.
He rounded out his collection with some Minifig villagers. Sliiiiiighty creepy with them being alive 😱
He found a guide to make a "plushie" of him in #Minecraft, then went the extra mile and turned it into a POP Vinyl.
He rounded out his collection with some Minifig villagers. Sliiiiiighty creepy with them being alive 😱
I was reading through @dantdm's tweets last night and relying to hubby how he seemed like a good egg and had just had a kid.
@GhostHause: Do you know, when I woke up this morning I thought to myself, “I do hope MORE of my family start talking to me about Dan TDM”
🤣
@GhostHause: Do you know, when I woke up this morning I thought to myself, “I do hope MORE of my family start talking to me about Dan TDM”
🤣
5yo wanted to know how to change a villagers job in #minecraft. He searched for it but forgot to specify "minecraft".
... And that's how 5yo ended up learning about thatched roofs! 🤣
... And that's how 5yo ended up learning about thatched roofs! 🤣
(5yo now) 6yo: I'm going to put down a bunch of zombies and drowns and the villagers have to survive! 😃
Me: You're going to make a brutal DM one day pal.
#Minecraft
Me: You're going to make a brutal DM one day pal.
#Minecraft
Me: How did the villagers do against the zombies? Did they survive?
6yo (not even looking up): Nope.
6yo (not even looking up): Nope.
