Thread by @roybahat

I once believed, when I got screwed in a negotiation, it was because I was powerless. Small. Not important enough to be respected.

Then I learned from some powerful people that they feel screwed a lot, too! A respected angel said "one out of three deals."

On getting rolled⤵️

I myself get screwed now and again, and always try to speak up. (The first step is paying attention! most people miss it when others take from them.)

I then hold the line — until it would cause more harm than good. (When investing, "does it serve the founder" is my byphrase.)

As @DanDoctoroff once told me from a deal when he was a young banker and the other side pulled a fast one, his boss said to call the other said and say, "You can win this one, but life is long."

I also once thought that if you screw people, eventually karma will get back at you. It won't.

You can "succeed" in life stabbing people, welching, "being slippery" in your commitments, etc. The only things at stake are your trusted relationships, and who you are as a person.

So if you feel screwed over, you're not alone. It isn't you. It's legitimate differences in perspective (nobody is the villain of their own story) plus just plain selfishness (aka "motivated cognition").

I'm sure, btw, I've screwed people over without realizing it. I can't think of ever having done it intentionally. (Always feel free to give me feedback if I have!)

And if anyone is in a "how do I handle this" tough situation, asking themselves whether to roll or not... feel free to reach out. I feel you.

P.S. I realized one reason I often kept quiet when screwed: shame. I felt I'd failed. Speaking up helps me with that.

I can't imagine how much harder this all is for people with less privilege than I've got. (Including: my mom is a tough negotiator so at-home training :)