Thread by @thisismikehall

No-one asked for this, but here's a thread in which I cast my expert opinion* 🧐 on ten varieties of emoji representing what is technically (and boringly) known as the 'Shallow Pan of Food', but which everyone else knows better as:

The #PAELLA EMOJI! 🥘🇪🇸

* Based on five years' experience living and eating many paellas in #Valencia, Spain (the dish's spiritual home) and one class learning how to properly cook this most misunderstood and misinterpreted of traditional Spanish dishes. Yes, that's me in the picture. Here we go!

1. First up, Apple's paella emoji. Recently updated to feature the quintessential ingredients of a proper paella valenciana: a chicken thigh, runner beans and broad beans. No rabbit to be seen though, and lemon wedges normally only go with a seafood paella, AFAIK. 7/10

2. Next, Emojipedia's paella emoji. The real deal. Chicken thigh, tick. Chunk of rabbit meat, tick. Runner beans and broad beans, tick, tick. Lovely golden colour on the rice, which looks a little on the dry side for my liking. 9/10

3. Facebook, going for an oblique angle. Lumps of meat which look like they could be chicken and rabbit, with broad beans and what are presumably chunks of runner bean - all good. Pretty decent, but the bed of rice looks way too deep. 8/10

4. Google has opted for a seafood paella with prawns & mussels, which a paella purist will tell you is technically NOT a paella; this is what is known around here as Arroz del Senyoret ("Little Gentleman's Rice"). Are those round objects small shellfish or slices of olive? 6/10

5. Joypixels has screwed up royally here: chicken AND prawns? Sacrilege! Peas are also a no-no. I guess those other objects are meant to be runner beans and broad beans, though poorly drawn. No rice detail makes it look like it's all floating in a pan of sauce. 3/10

6. Microsoft have sort of gone for the Arroz del Senyoret variety with prawns, but the inclusion of peas and whatever those other random colourful pieces are meant to be leads me to suspect the designer went to a tourist joint somewhere in Madrid for their research. 4/10

7. Openmoji have gone for a minimalist paella valenciana. Those black outlines look rather ugly and the runner beans (?) look more like lime wedges. Rice bed is way too brown; overdid the saffron perhaps? Could do better. 4/10

8. Oh dear oh dear oh dear, Samsung. Where to start: looks like every spare ingredient in the fridge has been chucked into this one. Bright orange rice. Weird looking lumps of meat. Chorizo? Peas? Potatoes?? A random leaf??! Pebbles??!?!? 0/10

9. Twitter also going for the minimalist look. Chicken thigh good, crescent-shaped runner beans and zero rice detail, not so much. What are those orange circles meant to be? Poor effort, overall. 5/10

10. And finally, WhatsApp: very wet-looking rice, reminiscent of Arroz Meloso you get in Catalonia or the Balearics. Chicken thighs and runner beans OK but those red things look suspiciously like chili peppers, which should never EVER feature in any paella or rice dish. 3/10

So there we go: an assortment of emojis aptly reflecting the real-life variety of "paellas" you get everywhere, ranging from the truly authentic to the totally specious. Interestingly, none opt to include other legit ingredients such as snails, artichokes or sprigs of rosemary.

I'm only pretending to be an expert, so for a more authoritative guide visit wikipaella.org or come to #Valencia and try a proper one for yourself! 😋🍽️

Update: Kyle (@codeincarnate) has suggested the apparently rubbish Samsung emoji may in fact be based on a type of Korean stew rather than a paella, which would be fair enough

Further reading: The Guardian UK has provided tips on how to cook the perfect paella, and as far as I can tell it’s pretty much spot-on 🥘 (though they lose marks for choosing to illustrate the piece with a photo of an Arroz del Senyoret ❌) theguardian.com/food/2020/mar/…