namjin au where seokjin runs a dm bot account to scam horny strangers and accidentally catches namjoon, who has his priorities straight 
spoiler: it goes better for them than it did for me :/
how did seokjin's bot pick namjoon, you ask?
hashtag teach chat bots the 🥺 emoji 2020
what would YOU do? caller 5 I'll be taking your answer after the break. next up, halsey!
|namjin au| 06 - i think numbering this is giving it more life than I'm really comfortable with but it also feels wrong not to
|namjin au| 07 - now accepting submissions for the kink list. challenge me.
|namjin au| 08 - this is the true origin story of why namjoon only uses ".." and not "..." in tweets. you're welcome scientists and historians everywhere
|namjin au| 09 - there's some really nice internal rhyme in that tweet though, it's a shame to see it go
|namjin au| 10 - is bamboo even a tree? hell if I know. type first, ask questions never, as I say
|namjin au| 11 - that last tweet was a lie I very much had to google the nutritional content of semen earlier.
|namjin au| 12 - is the AI cute? place your bets
|namjin au| 13 - business partners
|namjin au| 14 - jungkook has a point
|namjin au| 15 - they fuck robots in ex machina right? it's been a while idk
|namjin au| 16
|namjin au| 17 - he thinks
|namjin au| 18 - jungkook feminist
|namjin au| 19 - oh wow what a twist
|namjin au| 20 - and this has been an online banking security PSA, thanks for listening folks
|namjin au| 21 - detective namjoon solves the case
|namjin au| 22 - I think this image could apply to any namjin I've written ever actually
|namjin au| 23 - i hope you all know that any plot in this is purely accidental. I am resolutely refusing to plan anything. I am staging a protest against anything remotely resembling organized thought. thank you.
|namjin au| 24 - I mean it. absolutely no forward thinking allowed. last night I thought of a joke in the shower and wrote it down but this morning I woke up and deleted the notes file. I am committed to this lifestyle.
hey like this if I can use your account to represent horny kpop twt. I make absolutely no promises about what havoc I may wreak in your likeness.
|namjin au| 25 - what do you think? is seokjin real? a question that haunts me nearly every day, for sure
|namjin au| 26 - namjoon weighs all the evidence carefully
|namjin au| 27 - seokjin does his research too
|namjin au| 28 - the moral of this au is clearly the value of honesty
|namjin au| 29 - snzzzzz
|namyoonjin au| 30
|namjin au| 31 - just kidding!
|namjin au| 32 - or am i?
|namjin au| 33 - they're gonna use a lot of cat memes in this one. it's not a personality trait, don't analyze it, it's just all I have on my phone
|namjin au| 34 - actually open question what would bts jin think of nathaniel hawthorne
|namjin au| 35 - seokjin taking it back to 20grifteen
|namjin au| 36 - I'd just like to apologize in advance to yoongi in case I forget to change this pfp and leave him branded as an adultress for the whole au
|namjin au| 37 - premium rates if the psychoanalyzing relates to seokjin's love or sex life, of course
|namjin au| 38 - also sorry to namjoon in advance but. well that's more of a when than an if
|namjin au| 39 - just kidding, I'm not sorry namjoon. he'd support this.
|namjin au| 40 - listen there's some plot holes here surrounding his name being his @ + also definitely being information one would need to hack a bank account but to even call them holes implies this plot is made up of a substance capable of holes so I'll take it as a compliment
|namjin au| 41 - if you think seokjin's mind has left "feet!?" at all you would be wrong
|namjin au| 42 - seokjin aims to tell the truth!
|namjin au| 43 - this one took me a while to come up with hope you like it ami 💜
|namjin au| 44 - owo
(poll)
what do you think, is he really bts jin?
what do you think, is he really bts jin?
|namjin au| 45 - maybe he's both bts jin and a robot?
|namjin au| 46 - i like for my characters to be as confused as I am
|namjin au| 47 - please censor the m word
|namjin au| 48 - well I did say he was on kpop twt
|namjin au| 49
|namjin au| 50 - finally some clarity
|namjin au| 51 - detective namjoon on the case again
|namjin au| 52 - i wish it were me too
|namjin au| 53
|namjin au| 54 - crime is sexy
|namjin au| 55 - skeevy is a good word i think
|namjin au| 56 - and now begins the interview portion of our au
|namjin au| 57 - i bet bts jin likes christian slater a lot actually :/
|namjin au| 58
|namjin au| 59
|namjin au| 60 - personally I don't think yoongi's made enough feet jokes!
|namjin au| 61
|namjin au| 62 - no good deed, as they say
|namjin au| 63 - ah. more feet jokes. yeah that feels better
|namjin au| 64 - get a man who steals from you and calls you dumb to your face!
|namjin au| 65 - i think 6 is pretty good! could be worse
|namjin au| 66 - god is fair is my favourite thing he's said maybe ever. he's so smart.
|namjin au| 67 - plant rights ✊
|namjin au| 68 - seokjin mute list is feet and mullet and I think he's valid
|namjin au| 69 - haha nice
|namjin au| 70
|namjin au| 71 - so no one was gonna tell me I skipped like a whole big chunk of conversation?
|namjin au| 72 - hopefully these make more sense this time around 🥴
|namjin au| 73
|namjin au| 74 - listen all these screenshots look the same, this is harder than it looks. why do u think I do the cat memes it's the only way I can keep this shit even sort of straight
|namjin au| 75 - and now, an obligatory time skip montage: monday
|namjin au| 76 - tuesday
|namjin au| 77 - wednesday
|namjin au| 78 - thursday
|namjin au| 79 - friday
|namjin au| 80 - saturday
|namjin au| 81 - sunday
|namjin au| 82 - monday
|namjin au| 83 - i do sometimes wonder when making aus if maybe this is a bad skill to be developing? like, the practice of making conversations with myself?? hmm
|namjin au| 84 - ass
|namjin au| 85 - ethically sourced gay really airing it out on main... if only someone had bothered to make him a priv profile, rip
|namjin au| 86 - seokjin vocabulary king strikes again
|namjin au| 87 - several hours later
|namjin au| 88 - the end
haha happy april am I right! written update tomorrow w/ what actually happened hehe 😘 curiouscat.me/carljungkook
|namjin au| 88.5 - I've checked these like 6 times for typos. so I assume that just means they are absolutely full of them. :]
|namjin au| 89 - bonding ;)
|namjin au| 90 - no murder this time. probably. :(
|namjin au| 91 - i dont have anything to say here I think
|namjin au| 92 - the bad thing
|namjin au| 93 - whoretown is severely lacking in real estate
|namjin au| 94 - i think I actually like the social dummy cropped version of this cat image more
|namjin au| 95
|namjin au| 96 - i hated typing it but it's where we're at 🤢
|namjin au| 97 - life goes on
|namjin au| 98 - it's more of a vocation than a profession
|namjin au| 99 - im starting to get jealous of sj's anonymity honestly. the only celebrity shield I have is jenna marbles
|namjin au| - very happy to announce its # 100 and they have finally exchanged numbers
|namjin au| 101 - congratulations namjoon. I'm sure he will use this account sparingly and judiciously
|namjin au| 102 - council of namjoons
|namjin au| 103 - self indulgent frosting (frog posting) thank you
|namjin au| 104 - the joke there is the implication that this entire au isn't deeply wholly and exclusively self-indulgent
|namjin au| 105
|namjin au| 106 - priorities
|namjin au| 107 - out-of-coffee boys make do
|namjin au| 108 - obviously a very hypothetical situation I'm sure no one can relate to being trapped indoors for a long time
|namjin au| 109 - yes he will not overshare on a private twitter at all I think
|namjin au| 110 - yo
|namjin au| 111
|namjin au| 112 - pirate name generation? harder than u think :/
|namjin au| 113
|namjin au| 114
|namjin au| 115 - presumably he is using a demipermanent color here. do not eat bleach or permanent color please
|namjin au| 116 - he is very small.
|namjin au| 117 - an important realization
|namjin au| 118 - i would love to promise I won't keep doing this and forgetting to attach the tweet to the thread but. I almost certainly will not
|namjin au| 119 - namjoon, kim
|namjin au| 120
|namjin au| 121
|namjin au| 122 - probably the switching between who is texting thing is confusing but it's organizationally nice so deal with it
|namjin au| 123 - I'm sorry that last one was too aggressive thank u for reading I love u. and deal with it.
also fuck is "responsive"?? I'll kill u it should be "responsible" for the tits :|
also fuck is "responsive"?? I'll kill u it should be "responsible" for the tits :|
|namjin au| 124
|namjin au| 125 - okay listen i know we're reaching the point where I should do plot again but every time I start to I think.. hm. but what if they just bickered more
|namjin au| 126 - i dont think any of this makes sense but maybe that's how it ought to be
|namjin au| 127 - well they do say ethical is the new sexy
|namjin au| 128 - stop thinking so hard guys i am begging
|namjin au| 129
|namjin au| 130 - okay hot take alert, but actually when the pspsps guy goes pspsps it sounds far more like ksksks
|namjin au| 131 - perhaps even two taco
|namjin au| 132 - oops
|namjin au| 133 - i think maybe twitter is unbroken idk can anyone hear meee
|namjin au| 134 - you know I always feel fine when making these but then sometimes I go to type the number of the tweet and suddenly I have some questions for myself
|namjin au| 135 - oh yeah also my qrt notifications have been acting up for a while now? like not related to the current bullshit I think, just a separate thing?? idk I've just been searching them later so if I see your qrt like 3 days late that's why lol sorry
|namjin au| 136 - oh i almost feel bad about this one sry
|namjin au| 137 - but not that bad, seokjin really needed the cash to fix his sink
|namjin au| 138 - all I want in life is a yoongi to help me pick light fixtures
|namjin au| 139 - i have a folder of marshall photos on my phone now and I Will be using them
|namjin au| 140 - scuba flippers? is that a word? what are those things called oh my god
|namjin au| 141 - could not find one yoontaejin photo where taehyung doesn't look murderous. it's his thing I guess. good for him!
|namjin au| 142 - seokjin is trying something
|namjin au| 143 - he is not succeeding
|namjin au| 144 - that's not true namjoon is a whiz about blenders! fun fact.
|namjin au| 145
|namjin au| 146
|namjin au| 147 - we don't talk about namjoon's appearance on the price is right
|namjin au| 148
|namjin au| 185 - yikes that's enough of that
150. this is tweet fucking one hundred and fifty. I somehow skipped 30 numbers because I can't count, left for 5 days, and then came back and carried on with post "186" like that made any sense. fuck man. self care break or whatever I don't know
|namjin au| this is post 151 but in many ways it feels like 1510000. I have aged so much since I started this thing. time is a prison. anyway please enjoy this piece of fiction in which namjoon eats raw garlic, a thing he definitely does not do in real life
|namjin au| 152
|namjin au| 153 - honestly thought this was a real emoji and drove myself crazy trying to find it on the keyboard before remembering. oh yeah. of fucking course it's not a real emoji. then I gave up and went to bed for four days.
|namjin au| 154 - btsblog.bighit.com/264
|namjin au| 155 - uhhhh that link was broken on purpose. yes of course. btsblog.ibighit.com/264
|namjin au| 156 - is now when I admit I actually meant to link a translation, I just forgot :( sowwy bangtanboys-sg.tumblr.com/post/104258313…
|namjin au| 157 - requisite namjoon teeth mention: check
|namjin au| 158 - i invite you to play along at home here and think about what you were doing in 2014
|namjin au| 159 - some thoughts should be kept private
|namjin au| 160 - in park
|namjin au| 161 - whew boy I almost typed something sincere here, I apologize. I got a hold of myself and deleted it real fast, don't worry. sorry, I think I got enough sleep last night
|namjin au| 162 - idk man but they sure do be talkin
|namjin au| 163 - i dont think I've ever actually had prune juice! I want it to be a surprise
|namjin au| 164 - everybody's thinking
|namjin au| 165 - the next day
|namjin au| 166 - s*gar gliders
|namjin au| 167 - also I did Not research for 8 hours I just read like two articles so don't roast any of my squirrel facts and do your own research if relevant please and thank u
|namjin au| 168 - but yeah I wanted to include the squirrels but it felt weird to include actual bts jin's actual squirrels so these are AU Squirrels with new names and honestly I think bts jin should be taking notes because I'm pretty good at this naming squirrels thing
|namjin au| 169 - god i sure hope namjoon can drive in this au
|namjin au| 170 - state of the union
|namjin au| 171 - :')
|namjin au| 172 - i want the setting of this au to be utterly incomprehensible. good luck figuring out which kind of kr that's supposed to be!
|namjin au| 173 - well it's a step! maybe
|namjin au| 174 - i like plot. plot is my friend ♡
|namjin au| 175 - once again no infringement intended to the random twitter users I stole these photos from. ur contribution is appreciation, 감사합니다
|namjin au| 176 - it IS bare minimum, but that's okay sometimes
|namjin au| 177 - my only characterization of namjoon in this au is the sparkle emoji and I'm okay with that!
|namjin au| 178 - omg a date!!
|namjin au| 179 - don't pay attention to jimin's name being backwards I was too lazy to make him a new profile. I'll make up something to explain it eventually. maybe
|namjin au| 180 - who would win: jimin time vs. squirrel time
|namjin au| 181 - in which people have supportive and genuine friendships. good for them! I don't know how to phrase this in a way that doesn't sound sarcastic help
|namjin au| 182 - ok enough of that back to jimin time
|namjin au| 183 - i just want the excuse to say jimin time as much as possible. now That's seo
|namjin au| 184 - they're communicating
|namjin au| 185 - almost tweeted this out with a typo that said "return my feels" instead of feelings. a close one. I think you would've all been legally required to snipe me dead immediately for using the word feels
|namjin au| 186 - omg I think I'm back to the point I accidentally skipped to from counting related brain failure!
|namjin au| 187 - and thus, our jimin time draws to a close. short, but powerful, much like the man himself
|namjin au| 188 - unfortunately, jimin time, too, must set eventually
|namjin au| 189 - squarty
|namjin au| 190 - friendly chatting
|namjin au| 191 - seokjin has a question. maybe. eventually. he'll get there
|namjin au| 192
|namjin au| 193 - i keep meaning to do the shower orange thing but I always forget because I don't keep my citrus near the bathroom. maybe one day
|namjin au| 194 - my dog almost ate a bee today! it was a cute bee though so I didn't let her. she did eat a cricket though I think
|namjin au| 195 - pseudo-jimin time maybe
|namjin au| 196 - namjoon's explanation of jimin time
|namjin au| 197
|namjin au| 198 -
|namjin au| 199 - meant to put a caption on the last one and forgot. but I also forgot what I was going to say so. it's just staying like that I guess!
|namjin au| 200 - and now time for the pizza hut arc that's critically important and which I have been planning since this au's conception
|namjin au| 201 - the professional account
|namjin au| 202 - pizza hut listen to me I need to know what happened please if you're out there
|namjin au| 203
|namjin au| 204 - and thus concludes the pizza hut arc. no answers can be found, even in fiction. maybe there's a lesson there. maybe it's just that pizza hut should return my calls.
|namjin au| 205 - finally answering the question on everyone's minds
|namjin au| 206 - i mean, feet kinks arent not seokjin's profession
|namjin au| 207 - The Story
|namjin au| 208 - i haven't let myself try designing the flag but maybe someday
|namjin au| 209 - that is one high quality jay peg so lmk if it's too hard to read lol
|namjin au| 210
|namjin au| 211 - how much more can I torture yoongi is a question I ask in making this au a lot and I think seokjin would approve
|namjin au| 212 - all of this was indeed an elaborate set up to link a carly rae jepsen video and I won't apologize for that
|namjin au| 213 - honestly I didn't really think about what was gonna happen afterwards so here's in this conversation I guess
|namjin au| 214 - hey emojimashupbot where the fuck is the 🥰🤤 it's 2020
|namjin au| 215 - is crime withdrawal a thing
|namjin au| 216 - this is a very good plot element and I will not hear otherwise
|namjin au| 217 - god bless fake love jimin's stylist
