Thread by @ThatAshaman

So, not to make anyone panic, but these guys showed up at my village today. Black coats, big attitudes. They said they were recruiting for some "Lord Dragon" who's supposed to be in ... Andor somewhere?

I mean, it can't be the _real_ Dragon, right?

The mayor called for a meeting of elders. I tried to hide upstairs and listen but Mistress Mudsel caught me.

Can't find Tinya. I know she was watching the black coat guys, so I'm betting she's found some place she can listen in.

Hah, called it! Mudsel just kicked her out, too.

Ok, so quick recap from Tinya: The guys ARE from the real, actual Lord Dragon. At least, that's what the mayor thinks. Master Thass wants to run them out of town.

They just opened the doors. M. Thass looks like he just swallowed a whole BASKET of pickled plums.

Mayor says the black coat guys are the real deal. Apparently he saw the Dragon once in Cairhien. I didn't even know he'd BEEN to Cairhien.

I'm kind of ... freaking out a little?

I mean, the REAL Dragon. I guess with all these false ones running around I had started to think there would never actually BE a real Dragon.

And yeah, I know they say all that stuff about the Stone of Tear, but they also claim Artur Hawkwing made Bandar Eban sink into the ground or something, so who're you supposed to believe?

Tinya would like me to point out that it was Falme, not Bandar Eban. Like where the heck is Falme?

Tinya, because she's a know-it-all, would like everyone to know that Falme is somewhere on Almoth Plain. It's not even part of a country, I guess? It's like, south of Bandar Eban.

The southlands are so weird.

Ok, will you guys help me convince Tinya that she should totally not go flirt with the black coats?

Oh no. She just told the short one that he's "dashing". I've never heard Tinya call ANYONE "dashing" before.

Trying to decide if she's just messing with me now.

Apparently they're called "Asha'man."

Couple of the boys have already decided they're going with the Asha'man. I will NOT be sorry to see Hanled go.

Fian, on the other hand, I might miss.

Wait, Master HARSEL is going?? The man's pushing seventy! What good does he think he's going to do?

Tried to convince Tinya that these Asha'man are celibate, and this guy is so NOT HELPING. They don't want girls for the Dragon's army, Tinya.

Ahh, I finally figured out what Tinya is doing. She thinks she can get a free ride to Caemlyn to see the sights.

Guess I should have listened to their speech a bit more carefully the first time. Not liking all this talk of "riding lightning" and such.

Tinya thinks it's a metaphor. Because of course she does.

Master Harsel's grandkids are here trying to talk him out of it. I mean - good luck, you guys. You've only been trying to get rid of him since last Winternight.

Yeah, I went there. Everyone knows he's allergic to ice peppers; claiming you just 'forgot' is disingenuous.

No. No no no no nnnnnnoooooo. Tinya just convinced Shorty to take her with him.

Tinya how can you do this to me? Who am I going to grouse to when Fergy Potts puts ants in the sugar bowl?

This is crazy this is crazy #ThisIsCrazy.

M. Harsel is definitely going. For a minute I though he was going to convince his grandson to go.

TINYA DON'T GO.

I can't let her go alone. What if Shorty abandons her halfway to Caemlyn? Little Miss "It's Called Falme" couldn't navigate her way around a dress shop without a map.

Oh Light oh Light oh Light

Ok. Deep breaths.

I borrowed my uncle's coat and a hat. Well, stole them really 'cause I didn't think he'd say yes.

Got some breeches from my brother's closet. Some STANK in there.

This is never going to work.

Ugh, how do men stand wearing pants?

Phew! Boss Asha'man says Shorty can't take Tinya to Caemlyn with him. Got all dressed up for nothing.

Ugh, she's flirting with the big fellow now.

Please don't say yes, boss dude. Be strong.

Aaaaaaand he caved. :(

My life is over.

I'm pretty sure Shorty recognized me from earlier but he didn't say anything.

Boss dude doesn't even care. He wants to get out of here with as many recruits as possible.

They're loading up carts with ... stuff they bought in town, I guess?

So much for hoping they couldn't really make the trip.

I've just gotta hang out with these guys long enough to convince Tinya to head back home. A couple days on the road and she'll be crying to go home for sure.

Oh no

I can't even ... WHAT IS THAT??

It's like a hole opened up in the air.

A HOLE. IN MIDAIR.

OH LIGHT WE'RE GOING THROUGH

Master Harsel flat-out FAINTED, and they picked him right up WITHOUT TOUCHING HIM. Tinya looks like she's about to be next.

TINYA YOU DID NOT JUST WALK THROUGH THAT HOLE IN THE AIR. NO NO NO

I'm in Andor. How can I be in Andor when I woke up this morning in Shienar??

That's it. I'm dreaming and I need to wake up. WAKE UP, ASHALYN.

They're splitting us up. I knew these creeps weren't on the level!

They're putting us through some kind of "testing." Fian says it's not so bad.

Hanled almost blew my cover, before Tinya shut him up. I almost wish she hadn't.

That was scary, but otherwise painless. They made me look at a flame burning in midair for like fifteen minutes straight. I'm not sure who made the flame, or the door in the air. I'm starting to worry that all of them can.

The black coats are taking Fian AND Hanled. Master Harsel and I are going somewhere else.

Tinya has finally realized this is for real. Well guess what, Tinya? The time to be smart about this was back when you walked through that hole in the air.

She's arguing with Shorty. Someone just mentioned Mazrim Taim. I thought the Dragon was called al'Thor?

Another gate opened. That's what they call the holes in the air.

I don't think the boss guy expected that. He's getting angry at someone.

Now we have to wait while all the new guys get tested. Going to try talking Tinya into going home.

Now there's a THIRD gate! Must be fifty guys here now. Not including the ten black coats.

Stupid Tinya. Stupid breeches. Stupid holes in the air.

Apparently she promised Shorty that she would work for him. Like laundry and stuff. She's trying to back out now that she has figured out what these Asha'man really are.

More of the recruits trying to back out. Apparently if you get chosen by these guys, it means they take you to BECOME an Asha'man.

The rest are like, regular soldiers, I think.

There's a kid with long hair here who just got picked for the training. Tinya thinks he looks like me. I think he looks like he's about to wet his breeches.

Is nobody going to FEED us already?

Long-hair made a run for it and the Asha'man picked him up with NOTHING, like they did when M. Harsel fainted.

Long-hair has definitely soiled his breeches now.

I don't think he's the only one.

The smell is getting worse now. Ugh. It's like ... I don't know what. Every midden heap in the world turned over and set on fire.

I'm about to toss my cookies.

Not midden heap. Worse.

Sry can't tweet r/n.

Boss man and Shorty both dead. I'm hiding under a cart. Fire everywhere.

I'm going to die. I'm going to be eaten by a pile of walking garbage and then set on fire by madmen!

Is madness contagious?

Sorry for freaking out there. The garbage creature is down, thanks to a bunch of crazy men with fireballs.

It has to be some sort of Shadowspawn. Killed so many people before they got it down.

Tinya is OK. Sort of. She won't let go of me or stop weeping.

Long-hair is dead. This stupid Asha'man thinks I'm him. Tinya won't quit wailing long enough to help me explain.

They think I'm the idiot who passed the test and then tried to run. Do I look stupid enough to run from people who can make holes in the air?

They're taking everyone, even the guys who failed. Leaving the carts though. I don't know anyone who would want to eat that stuff now.

We're going through another gateway.

Whatever this place is, it's not finished yet. There's a big stone wall going up.

They've sorted out the ones who failed and the ones who passed. All except me. No matter what I say, they all think I'm the coward who tried to run away. I don't know what to do short of taking my shirt off.

Which I am NOT going to do, for the record.

At least Tinya is staying with me. That was the point of this whole stupid adventure, after all.

They seem to think she's my wife?

So, yesterday was a long day. After we were nearly smooshed into paste by a walking mound of sewage - still not over that one - Tinya and I were stuffed into a tiny room in what they call the "family barracks."

Apparently they didn't ask long-hair what his name was, but before I could make anything up, Tinya decided I would be "Dolyn." She DID give her last name, so I'm stuck with that, too. I guess Dolyn Taramar isn't so bad, but I would have liked to pick my own, you know?

Tinya thinks I would have picked some stupid pun like "Lait Sikir." Ok, so maybe I would have.

The other families in the building with us are nice, I guess. Some of them are grandparents, and I've seen at least 4 little kids running around with three different hair colors. The women got Tinya set up with some new clothing already.

I'm supposed to get measured for my "uniform" later today, which is making me sick to my stomach I'm so nervous.

Right, so forgot to mention that Tinya and I decided trying to blend in was our best chance of getting home. It's a LONG way to Shienar, but apparently the recruiting teams take gateways out there once a week or so.

If we can work out their schedule, Tinya figures we can sneak aboard a cart or something and get home.

It's not a perfect plan, but it's better than trying to walk there.

Light, my parents don't even know where I am. They're probably beside themselves.

So anyway - uniforms. There's no way they won't notice my ... womanly proportions ... if they starting whipping a measuring tape around.

Maybe I'll pretend I'm sick from that garbage thing??

Uniform guy didn't get around to me yet, but I had to spend all day "training." The M'Hael - that's what they call the Asha'man leader - has us doing something called the "Oneness."

You're supposed to push all your emotions into this imaginary flame, and then you can sense Saidin.

Apparently it can take weeks to get that far, so I should have plenty of time to figure out how to hitch a ride back home to Shienar.

In the meanwhile, I'm learning all sorts of things. For example, the M'hael is actually Mazrim Taim, the former false Dragon. I haven't met him yet, but he really creeps some of the trainees out.

Al'thor almost never comes out here to check on us, even though it was his amnesty that brought all these men here to learn to channel.

I try not to think about that part, but it's inevitable. Don't they understand they're all going to go mad?

I asked one of them today during training, and they figure the Last Battle is coming, and they won't live that long. I think he was actually as scared as I am.

Anyway, on to happier thoughts. Tinya thinks she can borrow a tape from one of the seamstresses and take my measurements for the uniform guy. I guess it's not that rare for him to be about a week behind, which says something about how many recruits we're getting in.

Tinya also remembered to bring money with her, so she's going to have someone make a dress to my measurements, in case we can't sneak through a gateway and end up walking home.

After training, there were of course chores to do. Figures. The 'older' trainees get to use the Power to do theirs, but those of us who can't channel "yet" have to use our hands.

I try not to think about how much of Saidin is flying around this place.

Three days in, and it has finally sunk in how far we are from home right now.

It's not just about how many leagues away we are. The people here talk differently. Think differently. The words I say don't always mean the same thing to the people here.

And the trees, and the birds, and even the weeds that grow in gaps and alleyways. I never thought I'd MISS the weeds we have back home.

Still no luck on pinning down the schedule for when the recruiting teams go out. They did Cairhien two days in a row, then nowhere the next day, so I'm not convinced there IS a schedule.

I'll bet they do this intentionally, to keep the new guys in line.

They also have pretty harsh rules about desertion. I'm worried about what will happen if I do get home, and they come looking for me. What if I can't convince them it was all a mistake?

Fian did it today. He ... channeled for the first time.

I'll never forget the look on his face when it happened. He was so happy; all the other trainees were congratulating him.

It made me feel ... sad. And a little bit sick.

Like finding out someone you knew had died.

No, that's not quite it. It's like finding out someone you knew was GOING to die - because that's exactly what will happen to Fian. Either he'll go mad and his own friends will put him down for the safety of the world, or he'll die in the Last Battle fighting the Shadow.

I don't know if it makes it better or worse that it will never happen to me. I feel like such a heel, because I CAN'T channel saidin. I never will, no matter how many practice sessions I endure. They will ALL eventually go mad or die, but not me. I'm an impostor, here by mistake.

I think Hanled gets it. I looked at him after Fian channeled that wisp of fire, and I knew he felt the way I did - minus the guilt. He doesn't want to channel, doesn't want to become an Asha'man. But he tries, because he has to. Even though he wants to go home.

And if he did go home, then what? He knows he can learn to channel. That's not something I knew before I came here - that some people will channel no matter what happens to them, but others have to be taught.

And I wonder - what would I do if I found out I could become an Aes Sedai? Would I go to Tar Valon, or would I pretend it didn't matter?

...No, Hanled won't leave. I can't count on him to help me, either. It's up to me and Tinya.

Aside from Fian's dubious success, we also started sword training today. The sword master was appointed by the Lord Dragon himself, supposedly. In case his "living weapons" can't channel for whatever reason.

And I tell you - the boys playing at swords back home have no idea what it's really about. You can't just swing your sword; first you have to STAND right, which involves bending your knees until your thighs feel like they're on fire.

Tinya laughed at me when I said how much it hurt just to bend your knees for half an hour, until I made her try it. She couldn't even do two minutes without crying, so I guess we're lucky she isn't then one who decided to put on breeches and pretend t be a man.

Of course, if it were that way around we probably wouldn't be here in the first place. I have to admit I make a much more convincing boy than Tinya ever would.

She asked me yesterday if I blamed her for all this. And yeah, I totally do ... but if I hadn't come, then she would be stranded here alone. Maybe that garbage monster would have eaten her right along with Shorty - I don't know.

I guess it's better that we're here together.

Whoa. The M'hael just swung by the newbie barracks "to get a better look" at us.

The others are right. He's pretty intimidating. Would it kill him to smile?

His buddy Mishraile, on the other hand ... WOW. I don't often go for guys with yellow hair, but that man is something to LOOK at. Mmm hmm.

Tinya agrees with me.

So. Tired. First, the obligatory saidin training. The Asha'man in charge didn't think I was trying hard enough, so he kept me an hour longer than the others. I was starting to think I actually felt something, then realized Hanled was warming my nose with the power.

So I decked him. Didn't even think about it; just reacted.

That landed both of us with extra chores, of course.

AND I still had to train with Master Haslin when I was done. We did more knee-bending, and he never was satisfied with my posture. Kept telling me to straighten my back.

Also, my arms feel like jelly from all the forms we practiced.

Uniform arrived today, and I have 2 thoughts.

1: Breeches are a lot more comfortable when they fit properly.

2: I feel like such a fraud.

Very subdued Feast of Lights here. We don't really get the day off, but the instructors kind of let us slack off unless one of the M'hael's minions come around.

Tinya did find some candles to put in the windows. And she's helping the "other" wives to bake some sweets for the children.

I get it. I do. No one knows whether the Last Battle is going to be next week or next year, and any day spent celebrating might be a day less to prepare. But I really thought at least this one thing would feel ... more like home, I guess.

On the other hand, if I keep busy enough, there's less time to spend feeling homesick.

Happy Firstday. #TwitterOfTime

https://twitter.com/WOTHolidays/status/1208745504168955908

There's something a little bit ... off about that @EHopwil guy. We think the taint is getting to him.

https://twitter.com/EHopwil/status/1208401715848007682

Training cut short today so the M'hael can talk to the instructors. Guess what we get to do instead?

Yup. Double sword practice. 🙄

It's finally going down. Fian overheard one of the recruiters planning a trip to Shienar this afternoon.

Tinya got my dress back from the seamstresses. It fits way nicer than anything mother ever sewed me.

Sorry, mom. Your threads are not lit.

In three hours, Tinya and I will be done with this farce and headed home.

Or maybe my head will decorate the Traitor's Tree. (Don't tell Tinya I said that. She's done enough crying this last week.)

Tinya thinks I should take home the black coat and stuff as souvenirs. I'm seriously considering it.

Not the uniform. Just the sword. We don't know for sure where the gateway will drop us, and while brigands aren't usually a problem in Shienar, these are strange times.

Might even put my uncle's coat back on for the walk home, so we appear like less of a target.

So we were all set to slip out and wait for the recruiting party to leave when Mishraile came by to chew out one of the new recruits. (Newer than me.)

I've changed my mind. Mishraile might look like a southland prince, but he's got a heart like ice.

Good news though! The recruiters got held up, too - by Hanled of all people. Fian must have told him we were planning to go home, because I sure didn't.

So anyway, Hanled distracted them by claiming the M'hael was looking for them, and Fian covered for us so I could change. Then Tinya and I slipped down to the Traveling yard.

It was weird walking around the Black Tower in a dress. I kept expecting someone to recognize me, but Tinya borrowed some powders from the Domani downstairs from us, and I guess they did the trick.

Although probably there are so many trainees here that nobody knows all of them on sight.

So now we're hiding under a tarp in one of the supply carts. I hope they ... yes, they're taking this one.

Cross your fingers for me, guys!

I can't believe that worked. As soon as the Asha'man left the carts behind to go give their spiel, Tinya and I slipped away.

Not entirely sure where we are yet. Tinya thinks south of Fal Moran. Definitely more hills than home, so we voted to head south.

Well this is going to be fun. Tinya swears I said I was bringing the food. I KNOW I told her I didn't have room for it in the basket with my other clothes.

If this were a story, they'd have to call it "The Misadventures of Ashalyn and Tinya."

So here we are, sleeping under a hedge in the middle of ... well, what should be winter. I guess it's not as bad as it could have been.

The stars are nice, at least.

Randomly remembered something just now. So, supposedly I have a half sister who disappeared when I was just a baby. My da thinks she left because mom made her do so much housework.

My older sisters - the ones who remember her - say she got weird right before she left. Always going out into the woods and stuff.

I mean, maybe she got eaten by wolves or wandered into the Blight, but I always pictured her on some sort of adventure. Maybe hunting for the Horn of Valere or something.

Anyways. Going to try to sleep now.

So. Hungry. Tinya bought a pair of apples from a passing farmer, but that's all we've had to eat today.

Still not exactly sure where we are, but we do know we're headed in the right direction now.

THEY FOLLOWED US.

NO NO NO. TINYA RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Made it to the cover of the trees, but I got separated from Tinya. 😭

Please don't find me please don't find me

They know I'm close. They keep shouting.

I think they just caught Tinya. I don't know what to do!

I'm surrounded. How do they know where I am?

Are they using the Power right now? Oh Light oh Light.

They don't know exactly where I am, but they definitely have Tinya. I can hear her crying.

The Asha'man in charge is threatening her.

What if he hurts her? Would they really do something to her if I don't come out of hiding?

This is so not fair.

I recognize that voice. That's Fedwin Morr.

He says they'll set fire to the forest if I don't come out. I know he's not bluffing.

Even if he were, I can't abandon Tinya. She could have left the Black Tower any time she wanted, but she stayed for me.

I'm going out.

...If you don't hear from me again, tell my parents I'm sorry.

Sorry for going silent like that. Just spent twenty-four hours in the stocks, and wasn't up to anything besides sleep after they let us out.

Hanled and Fian got it, too. The Asha'man put some kind of shield on them so they couldn't channel. On me too, probably, like it matters.

I had no idea how much it would hurt. Like, you can rest your legs a little by leaning on the framework, but necks and wrists aren't made to support your weight.

You can't really sleep, because it chokes you.

It gets worse, though. They've moved me to the individual barracks, and they only let me see Tinya once a day. They figure if I can't see her, we can't plan another escape.

I tried to convince them I'm not a man after they caught me. I think Fedwin was starting to believe me, when this kid named Bardo asked why I changed back into men's clothing after we got through the gateway. I wasn't thinking clearly enough to explain.

Fedwin did come by to see how I was doing yesterday during the worst of it. He said I'm lucky Mishraile didn't find me first, or it would have been the Traitor's Tree for sure.

I'm not sure it would have bothered me at that point but, you know. He tried.

Had a good long talk with Hanled and Fian, too, but I have to go to training now.

Useless, stupid, pointless training.

Oh, the other thing Bardo said that I wanted to smack him for was that "I wasn't pretty enough to make a convincing woman."

One day, Bardo. I will have my revenge.

Working me hard these last couple days, but they haven't set a minder over me.

Fian says they have a way to track people with the Power. He overheard them talking about it while they were hunting for me.

Basically it means they channeled at me that first day (after "I" gained a reputation for running thanks to long-hair, who got me into this mess by looking like me and then dying).

I am feeling Very Paranoid about this right now.

Some kind of kerfuffle going on with Taim's people. Lot of shouting earlier, now gone quiet.

The rest of us are walking on eggshells, just in case.

Ok, something is going down. They're calling everyone out from classes. Definite feeling of panic in the air.

They're asking who knows the weave for shielding an Aes Sedai.

Are we under attack from the White Tower?

Not under attack. Good. Wherever the instructors are going, they're going by gateway.

Um, apparently it's not just the instructors. Fian and Hanled are receiving instructions.

The junior trainees are staying here? So I guess that's good for me, but I'm worried about the boys.

Sounds like they're almost ready for ... whatever is going on.

Well, there goes my day.

They're going north. Almost to Tar Valon, Hanled thinks.

Tinya, the queen of bad ideas, wants me to help her get through one of the gateways.

I told her I can't do anything that makes it look like I'm running again, but she's insistent.

I guess I've been thinking about myself a lot, but she's on the edge of a meltdown. Wants to get away from men who channel, at any cost.

Even our lives, apparently.

Wasn't hard to get into the briefing area. All the instructors are going, so there's no one to look after us.

We ARE going to somewhere near Tar Valon. The Cairhien road, anyway.

I say "we" like I've decided to actually do this thing. Light help me.

Mishraile just assured everyone that we're not actually assaulting the White Tower. It's a rescue mission of some kind?

Not clear whether it's an Asha'man they've taken or some poor fool who got himself caught by the Red Ajah.

Oh no. Light no.

I thought they said this guy's name was Raen or something, but Fian just told me it's Rand.

As in Rand al'Thor, the Dragon Reborn.

The Aes Sedai have kidnapped the Dragon.

I mean, what were they thinking?

Did they not know he had an army of saidin-wielding lunatics??

Tinya is here, wearing a dark coat and my uncle's hat. I'm trying to talk her out of it, but I don't even think she's listening to me at this point.

We're going through.

No, I don't want to go, but what choice do I have? Tinya is nearly hysterical and I can't ... I WON'T let her go out there without someone who's thinking clearly.

The Light burn me for a fool, but I won't.

Gateways are opening. I've never seen so many people channeling at once.

Sound of battle coming through from the other side.

Tinya wants to turn back now, but they're pushing us through.

Oh Light, they're dying. The Asha'man are dying.

There must be thousands of Aiel here. No one mentioned Aiel!

Was crazy for the first few minutes, but now we've circled up. Tinya and I are in the middle of a ring of black coats and all around us, fire.

Fire and thunder and blood.

There's blood on my sword. I don't remember pulling it out. Automatic after Master Haslin's training.

Aiel almost broke through but now they're being kept at bay again.

The world has all gone mad. There are Aiel fighting Aiel out there.

And wolves! Light, there are wolves attacking the Aiel too!

Lightning striking all around us. Knocked me over. Can't hear anything.

We're pushing our way to the center. Can't find Tinya. Hope she's alive.

Didn't even know that sort of thing could be done with the Power. If I survive this, I think I'm going to be sick.

We're at the wagons.

Found Tinya. She's bleeding, but alive. Can't hear much either, I think.

The Warders are running. And someone's armsmen in green.

Mishraile says the Lord Dragon is here. He's alive.

We're circling up and the Asha'man are channeling some kind of invisible wall.

Aiel still trying to get through it. Dying against it.

There's the M'hael. And someone else....

I think that's HIM. He has red hair, and he's tall, like an Aiel.

He looks like someone has beaten him to within an inch of his life. How is he standing?

Not just Aiel out there. Men who look like farmers, and soldiers out of Cairhien. They're being crushed against the wall of nothing.

Tinya just threw up. Don't blame her. Is no one going to help those people?

Someone is raising a banner above the wall. Well, it's more like a dome. Can see the smoke at the top.

Banner is red with a flame and a fang. I've heard about it, but never expected to see it.

Order has come down to raise the dome. I made Tinya hide behind the wagons.

Which is where I should be, but I still have my sword. Those Aiel won't take me without a fight.

I thought it was bad watching those soldiers die pinned against the wall.

This is worse. So much worse.

It's like ... a plow made of fire churning through the Aiel.

They're running.

Of course they're running. Not even Aiel can face this rolling ring of earth and fire.

(That's what Mishraile called it, before anyone accuses me of waxing poetic.)

I think it's over?

For us, it seems to be.

I heard the Lord Dragon order it to stop. His voice was like thunder. I'm still shaking.

Found Hanled. I think he might lose his arm.

He didn't realize I was here. Apparently he told Tinya not to come either.

Wait; they're coming around and healing people with the Power.

Almost couldn't convince the guy this blood all over me isn't mine.

Almost didn't want to.

I mean, I don't think I actually killed anyone today? But I definitely hurt someone. Who is definitely dead right now.

Hanled says his arm is fine now. I'll take his word for it.

After everything I've seen today, it's hard to believe saidin can be used for healing.

The power that broke the world, and it just healed a man's arm.

The power that turned this field into a charnel house, and it saved a man's life just over there.

The world is broken.

I think ... those are Aes Sedai over there. On their knees.

Looks like they're all prisoners.

Some of the Aiel are on our side?

There are actual Maidens of the Spear right there.

And some other women in skirts. Pretty sure they're also Aiel.

They're having a look at Tinya.

Who's that girl on the Dragon's arm? Was she a prisoner too?

She's wearing breeches??

I'm one to talk, I know. But these aren't borrowed men's breeches I'm talking about. They're EMBROIDERED.

I want to go up and talk to her but the M'hael is right there. Mishraile will have my nose if I so much as wink at her.

Uh-oh, Fedwin Morr just spotted me. Giving me the glare of a lifetime.

It wasn't my idea, I swear!

Was hoping we'd gate home now that the battle is over, but apparently there's work to do.

They've got us searching the bodies, looking for women among the dead and wounded. I don't know how any Aes Sedai could stand to hide in this, but I guess I can understand why the Lord Dragon wants us looking anyway.

I explained myself to Morr. I think he might actually believe me, but it's hard to say for sure. Either way, he hasn't let me out of his sight.

The smell is almost unbearable. This time tomorrow you won't be able to come within a mile of this place without gagging.

Found a man ... he'd been cut in half. I think a gateway did it.

By the look on what was left of his face, the guy didn't even have time to realize he was dead.

After today, I understand why Aes Sedai promise not to use the One Power as a weapon.

You could win any war with this. You could win, and barely take any casualties at all.

We lost six or seven Soldiers today, and killed ... it has to be somewhere in the thousands of people.

This is wrong. The Black Tower shouldn't exist.

Except it has to, because the Last Battle is coming. Light save us.

Sun is setting and we're still searching. Darkness isn't a problem when you can channel.

Sounds like they're relieving us. Finally.

Oh. Wow, that's ... I did not not need to see that.

The men taking over the search are the Aiel prisoners.

Um....

None of them are wearing any clothing.

Tinya still won't talk to me. Just stares into space.

One of the Aiel women in skirts (they're called Wise Ones?) says she's "in shock." Well yeah I was pretty shocked today but I'm still coherent.

Maybe she got hit on the head by a flying rock?

They're lining us up so the Lord Dragon can look at us.

The ones who aren't keeping shields on the Aes Sedai, anyway.

Now I know I'm tired. I could have sworn that man I just passed had yellow eyes.

Fedwin says some of these soldiers are from all the way in Mayene. And the guys that look like farmers are from some place called Twin Rivers? More of them have bows than swords.

Two Rivers, not Twin Rivers. It's in Andor ... someplace.

It's a bit surreal walking through the camp. Everyone looks at me like they're afraid.

I know I'll never look at a black coat the same way again.

Al'Thor is here. He's not even wearing a coat; just a shirt with a torn sleeve. There's some kind of tattoo on his arm, but the ink isn't black. It looks red and gold.

That girl is still with him. I'm sure she was staring at me for a minute.

He's choosing people to go with him.

...Not Asha'man, though. Soldiers and Dedicated. Mishraile and Torval are not happy AT ALL.

He wanted to pick me, until Fedwin explained that I was here by accident.

He's taking Fedwin instead. The one guy here I actually trust.

Before he walked off, Fedwin told me, "If you decide to run again, make sure you don't get caught."

I think I'm going to cry.

Woken up twice last night because the captured Warders tried to escape. I thought for sure Mishraile was going to kill one or two of them. How can one man hold so much anger inside?

Those Warders, though. Some of them had broken bones after the first one, and they still tried again.

I'm pretty sure there are more Warders than Aes Sedai here. Are some of them borrowed??

We set up in a camp over the ridge from yesterday's battlefield. Can still smell it, but I think half of that is, um .... well, let's just say very few of us have had a bath or been able to wash our clothing.

I won't go into any deeper detail than that.

Tinya still won't look me in the eye, but she has reportedly spoken a few words to the women taking care of her.

I asked Fedwin if he will make sure she gets safely home before he leaves with the Lord Dragon. He said he would try.

Oh Light, it's High Chasaline today. How was that not over a week ago?

As for me....

I'm not sure I can go home after seeing that yesterday. The nightmares last night were ... well, not comfortable, but less terrifying than the memories.

How is anyone supposed to look on the bright side after going through something like this?

I mean, I'm grateful I'm still alive. And that Tinya is. And Fian and Hanled.

That's all the bright side I can muster.

How do I go back to carding wool and spinning thread after being a part of something so terrible?

I used to get through the day by imagining what the world outside was like. Now every idle thought is consumed with memories of slaughter and the world breaking apart at my feet.

I'm going to go find something useful to do.

Finally back "home." Everyone pretty subdued. Lessons cancelled until tomorrow.

Personally, I have never felt so happy to put on clean clothes in my life.

My hair still smells like blood, even though I washed it. T_T

Haven't slept much lately. Nightmares have been ... pretty bad.

Yesterday I sort of exploded at the newer trainees. They were giving Master Haslin a hard time about sword training, and I flew off the handle.

I told them what it was like to be on that battlefield and not be able to channel.

I said my sword training was the only thing that kept me and Tinya alive when the Aiel swept over us. I told them about the Soldiers who died anyway, taken by a spear even though they stood ready with the Power.

I told them how the Lord Dragon could channel, yet there he was caged by Aes Sedai. Helpless, until we came and rescued him.

I think that got the point across.

They all sort of looked at me with awe after that.

Very few of the trainees have actually seen the Dragon Reborn.

Scary thing happened today. The M'hael heard I went to Dumai's Wells when I couldn't channel, and came to talk to me in person.

I decided to explain everything; how I only came for Tinya, and about the man who I was mistaken for.

He decided to have Mishraile "test me for resonance" again, right in front of everyone. But something went wrong. I was staring at that flame, and whatever resonance they were looking for ... everyone felt it. Hanled was there; the look of shock on his face was unmistakable.

I asked Hanled and Fian to try the test again when we were in private, and they felt nothing. Even after twice as long as the M'hael made Mishraile wait.

Mishraile must have done ... something. Maybe it was because so many men who could channel were crowded around; I don't know.

Except....

...I'm not sure if it means anything, but the M'hael said something as I was leaving. I think he was talking to Mishraile and the others, and it had the feeling of a private joke, even though Taim wasn't laughing or even smiling. And he looked right at me when he said it.

He said ... I'm pretty sure what he said was, "Let the lord of chaos rule." Does that mean anything to anyone?

Fian has been pretty much fawning over Taim since we got here, but even he got bad vibes from the whole thing.

Really missing Tinya today. I know she got home safe, but have no idea how she's doing now.

Some fool of a Soldier prancing around in a bird mask today. A tradition from Altara, they tell me.

Man looks ridiculous. #TwitterOfTime

https://twitter.com/WOTHolidays/status/1214905091150364672

You know, I think I'm actually starting to like the sword lessons?

Urgh. What's with all the shouting so early in the morning?

Holy cow. People are saying LOGAIN is here.

THE Logain. As in, caught by the White Tower and gentled Logain.

We all thought he was dead.

I didn't get a look at him before they took him in to see the M'hael.

Donalo is taking bets that he's a fake.

I for one hope he is an impostor. I'm not sure the Black Tower is big enough for two former False Dragons.

This morning's training was brutal. Instructor is convinced that I'm not trying hard enough to grasp saidin.

There were ... drastic measures taken.

I think the bucket was the worst. I've always had nightmares about drowning. Definitely going to have some tonight.

Call to assembly just came in. I think we're about to hear Taim's verdict on maybe-Logain.

Longest. Assembly. Ever.

So yes, the guy is really Logain. And yes, he was gentled, and yes he can channel again now.

That discussion took like 2 whole hours by itself.

The rest of the assembly was about the Aes Sedai factions out there. So, this is something I didn't really get before, but the AS at the White Tower follow Elaida, who is Red Ajah - i.e. their goal is to find men who can channel and gentle them.

The other faction is based out of some place called Salidar, and their Amyrlin (yes, there's 2!) is named Egwain Alvaere (I know I didn't spell it right, but that's how it sounds.) She is I guess Green Ajah? Wasn't clear.

Supposedly the Green is all about fighting the Last Battle and stuff. And they're the ones who healed Logain of being gentled, so they're maybe sorta on our side, kinda?

The last part of the assembly was how we should never ever go near any Aes Sedai without orders.

Except that we're also supposed to let Taim know about any rumors of any Aes Sedai who know the weave to heal gentling, which I'm not clear on how we're supposed to find that out if we can't go near them.

Anyway.

Oh, so forgot to mention - Logain the not-gentled-anymore was promoted straight off, and they made a big show about how he's under Taim's authority because al'Thor appointed Taim directly. I think that's supposed to keep people from realizing how much they hate each other?

Because honestly, it was pretty obvious.

I stood there so long my legs got stiff, so I'm going to go practice with my sword in the training yard until I'm tired enough to sleep.

Did some thinking last night about what I'm doing here. I can't channel, and can't become the weapon that everyone expects me to be, but there is something I can do.

The first part of training is the worst. But I'm still here, where I can help the new guys through it. Or at any rate, I can try. So that's what I'm going to do from now on.

Lots of comings and goings. Half seem to be about the Lord Dragon waging a war in Illian, and the other are people looking for a bunch of deserters who left in the night.

Oh, yikes. They found some of the deserters.

Every time they do this, I think about how that could have been my head hanging from that tree.

It's very motivational, I'll give them that.

Took a walk to see what they have Fian and Hanled doing lately. They were working on that wall, stacking black stones up and melding them together with the Power.

For a minute I actually wished I could see what they were doing. Or I mean, how they were doing it I guess.

It's weird how used to this stuff I am now.

All but 2 of the second batch of trainees have moved up to the next stage of training.

At this point I think the instructor knows I'm never going to channel, but after that show the M'hael put on, I could probably dance naked on the wall and still be stuffed back into this coat.

There's been a shift in the way things happen around here since Logain arrived. It's hard to put my finger on it, really, but he's put the life back into some of these people. He's got something that Taim doesn't.

I'm not saying Logain is actively looking to replace Taim as M'hael. It's that people trust him more. They'll open up to him like they can't for Taim, maybe because he's not in that position of authority. But he also has so much experience.

He's got this way about him, like you could tell him anything and he'd be cool with it.

I'm thinking it's because he was gentled. I don't mean that it changed him physically or anything. I've seen a guy who burned himself out - it was like having a hand cut off for him. After losing something like that and then getting it back ... not much can shake you anymore.

It makes me chuckle to think of it this way, but he's almost got that Aes Sedai serenity thing going on.

Taim definitely does not have that. With him, and his guys, there's always a hint of anger underneath, I guess.

Whoa, is it RAINING??

Naw, that can't have been rain. Probably someone messing with the Power.

There it goes again. More of a mist than a rain.

Ok, I'm a believer. That is rain for sure.

Thank the Light!

Nobody's even trying to get anything done today. The rain isn't really that hard, but we're all so relieved to see it after that endless summer.

Rain is pounding so loud this morning nobody can sleep. I guess we needed it, but what good will it do anyone if it washes the whole world into the river?

We've moved training indoors. A bit more dangerous in here, but so far none of the new guys has set anyone's shirt on fire.

Which HAS actually happened before.

I definitely ate too much mince pie.

https://twitter.com/WOTHolidays/status/1219605815625166849

Turned to snow late last night. These barracks were NOT designed with the cold in mind.

Mishraile has had to discourage several Soldiers from tying weaves of fire in their rooms.

Hmm, lots of people missing this morning, though. Probably gone to Illian.

They've put several people on "weather duty," clearing out the snow that fell already and redirecting the rest so it won't fall on the training grounds. Fian is surprisingly good at it.

We're back to business as usual, whatever that means.

Boy, that snow just keeps coming, doesn't it?

Not sure when I started looking forward to evening sword training so much.

I guess it's the only time of day (aside from chores) when people aren't demanding the impossible from me.

I think I'm actually getting good at it.

ARGH. Just when I was settling into my "help the newbies" groove, the M'hael up and decides I need "private lessons" with him.

Which basically consisted of me running errands for him all day. The jerk KNOWS I can't channel; I'm convinced now that he was the one who rigged the test.

I missed the beginning of weapons training too, running some stupid message to the Traveling yard.

So, Fian ambushed me last night after the M'hael let me go (from another pointless day of waiting attendance on him). Said it wasn't fair that Taim is giving me special treatment and not him.

I tried to explain that I'd trade places with him in a minute, but he didn't believe me. Accused me of sleeping with Taim (in front of several others, so that was lovely) and then tried to hit me.

I guess he hasn't been paying enough attention during weapons training, because I had him flat on the ground in like twelve seconds.

That's when he cheated and used the Power on me, of course.

If Logain hadn't been there, I don't know what he might have done to me.

He's not the man I grew up with anymore. Learning to channel has changed him, and not for the better.

I think I wrenched my shoulder when I punched him. It won't take any weight today. 😠

I learned something mind-blowing today. Apparently there are things called ter'angreal which can let someone who can't channel use the Power.

I told Hanled about the ter'angreal things, and he remembered hearing Mishraile talk about finding some for the M'hael. I wonder where he keeps them.

No, I am NOT thinking about stealing one. I'm not that stupid.

Logain came by during weapons training last night. Did a little sword work, but mostly I think he wanted to see how training works from the bottom up.

He noticed my shoulder was bothering me and Healed it, then gave me this really startled look afterward. Does a Healing weave work differently on a man than it does on a woman? Because I'm pretty sure that's what the look was about.

No lie; Logain has been asking around about me. I shudder to think what rumors people have already filled his head with.

Well as far as I know, Logain isn't going around telling people I'm a woman. I probably would have heard about that one by now.

Fian has been the biggest brown-noser this week. Kissing up to the M'hael's cronies left, right, and center. 🙄

His shouting at me about sleeping with Taim has gotten me a lovely reputation among the newbies.

One Domani guy propositioned me earlier (I'm pretty sure he was in earnest) which was flattering, but he's totally not my type.

He didn't press the issue, thank goodness. One advantage of wearing a black coat is that nobody messes with you unless they're willing to draw the instructors' attention by channeling.

I did also warn him that Fian was blowing smoke and I didn't think Taim leaned that way either.

There's another Shienaran woman in the camp now. Her name is Naris, and she's the wife of one of the new guys. She reminds me of my aunt Lacie.

Missing Tinya hardcore right now.

Getting so sick of waiting on the M'hael while his cronies smirk behind their hands at me. There has to be a better use for me than this.

A few missing faces are back from Illian, looking worse for wear. Haven't got the whole story, but one of them said something about fighting people from Tarabon?

Um. I may have just made a rather large mistake.

I got fed up today and told Taim that if he had nothing to teach me, I was going to go join the scouts riding out in the woods.

He didn't say anything, just stared at me until I panicked and walked out.

Then I lied and told the horsemaster that I had a message for the scouts from the M'hael.

...I should probably just keep riding. No telling what will happen if I go back.

So I found the scouts. Guess who's with them?

Yeah, it's Logain.

He offered to show me the ropes. So now it's just me and a former false Dragon, cruising the woods with a silence weave on our horses' hooves.

This is totally better. >_>

At least he isn't creepy like Taim is.

I ended up telling Logain everything. Almost everything. He's just so easy to talk to.

He agrees with me that Taim is up to no good, doing this to me. Offered to gate me home, but I told him I wasn't ready.

Came in for sword training and hooo boy did Mishraile let me have it. I'm to be punished for "insubordination" and "dereliction of duty."

I think it would have been a lot worse if I'd ridden in alone.

Honestly the extra chores are worth seeing the look on his face when he realized Logain was with me.

I probably don't need to say that my "special sessions" with the M'hael are over. (Thank the Light.)

We're on high alert this morning after somebody thought they spotted a Warder in the woods. Um. I may be regretting my decision to reassign myself to scouting.

And yeah, I was supposed to be on extra chores today, but when the news came in they put me on a horse and sent me out with the others.

I've been assured that my days of hauling horse manure will only be diminished if I end up dying.

They've paired me with a guy named Canler and some boys who just started training. I don't know what we're supposed to do if we find any actual Warders.

Canler figures most of us are bait to draw out any actual Aes Sedai who might be out there. Very reassuring.

Whoa. I did NOT know that. Apparently Canler and some of the other guys figured out something like the Warder bond to link them with their wives. I'm surprised nobody mentioned it when I came in with Tinya.

(I mean it's not like that would have done me any good. It's sort of an advanced weave even if I could channel.)

This coat is way too thin for the cold. I should have worn my uncle's coat under it. >_<

Canler is just a fountain of information. There's tons of stuff the trainees don't hear about.

A second group just joined ours. I feel a little safer now.

On second thought, no. I do not feel safe anymore.

They've joined us because they spotted something and need us to flank them.

Ok, Ashalyn, don't freak out. They're probably just some fool nobles out hawking a little too close to the Black Tower.

How far out are these guys, anyway?

I knew it. I KNEW we were the bait.

So, we've reached the tracks the other guys found (I guess not even Warders can hide their trail in two feet of snow), and they want US to march straight along them like idiots.

Canler talking about the Warder bond some more to keep the new guys distracted. Apparently he knew a guy who went to be trained at the Tower but didn't make the cut.

He seems to think his bond with his wife is different from the way the Aes Sedai do it. Warders are supposed to get all kinds of strength and resilience from the bond, but they can also be compelled to obedience. Sounds like a pretty raw deal to me.

Ok, these guys are way the heck out here, but there are definitely more tracks now. I reeeeeeally hope the other group is in position by now.

Stuff is GOING DOWN. Will update when I have a minute to breathe.

It's still pretty crazy here but lemme grab a bite to eat and I'll see what I can do.

All right I'll make a few minutes for this.

So we come up on this camp and there are dudes in armor and white uniforms, and at first I'm thinking some Whitecloaks decided to dice with the Dark One as it were.

But no, they're Tower Guard - as in White Tower - because these gals who came down are all RED AJAH who apparently don't have Warders.

That seems stupid to me; that you would hunt men who could channel but you ain't got backup for when things go south. Like they totally went today (spoiler alert).

So we come up on them and at first they're all shouting at us and the Reds come out and start telling us to surrender. And the boys are freaking out because they've all been shielded, and Canler's yelling at me because he didn't get the memo that I can't channel...

...and then the guards come up (and I guess they did have one Warder with them so they can't all five have been Red. I dunno on that point) and the boys start waving their swords around like they picked them up yesterday, which to be honest they probably did.

Canler wasn't much better, but I've been practicing as you know, and was holding my own against the guards. Then this Warder comes up and, I mean I knew I couldn't take him but I was like, super freaked out at this point and was just reacting.

I take a swing, and all of a sudden a big blast of Air hits me outta nowhere. Then Canler's all, "don't can't attack the Warders or Aes Sedai because they can't hurt you with the Power unless they're in danger." And I'm all "thanks for not telling me that like FIVE MINUTES AGO."

Ok I gotta go for a minute but I'll get into the rest soon.

Ok I'm back. So I'm lying there in the snow in my coat that's way too thin and hoping my horse doesn't step on me, and by the time I get to my feet the others have all been caught by these guards and my sword is like, totally vanished.

Canler keeps his cool sort of, but the boys were pretty scared. I guess they'd never even seen an Aes Sedai before and heard all kinds of stories ... like, weird ones.

Anyway. I've got nothing to worry about because it's not like gentling will do anything to me, but I figured maybe if I keep a level head I can at least get the boys free. Then I remember - oh yeah, I'm not supposed to attack the Aes Sedai.

Who by this time is standing right over me, looking down at me with pity like I'm a bird with a broken wing, or maybe a horse she's going to put down. It was the strangest feeling.

That's when it gets really surreal. Because apparently these Sisters thought we were like, the ENTIRE Black Tower. They were getting ready to pack up and ride home after catching FOUR of us.

I couldn't help myself; I started laughing right there. I know they thought I was crazy, and like, I felt pretty unhinged at that moment myself, because I KNOW what's about to happen.

I'm just sorry I was too busy reeling from a punch to the stomach (that Warder was a real JERK) to see the look on her face when the other group rides in and starts shielding them.

It got ugly fast after that. One of our guys starts shooting arrows made of ice, and all the guards go down. Some of the horses, too. The Aes Sedai decided to let the shields go and start blocking the arrows instead, but I saw at least two of them bleeding before that happened.

It didn't take long before our guys got them all shielded, and then I tell you what, I have never seen such a look of terror on an Aes Sedai face before. One of them let out a scream that is going to haunt my nightmares, and another fainted right into the snow.

Then someone - I didn't see who - shouts "kill the Aes Sedai!" and a couple of our guys decide that's a wonderful idea. It was all Canler and I could do to talk them down.

It finally took us reminding them that the M'hael had orders from the Dragon Reborn himself to "leave the Aes Sedai alone." I mean, we can't really follow the letter of that if they're trying to gentle us, but that's a line we just don't want to cross.

What followed that was a very, VERY long ride home. After which we had to have the same argument about not killing them all over again.

If you can't tell, I'm really tired right now.

But finally Canler suggests bonding them. He says if not for our conversation earlier he never would have thought of it, but Logain figured out how to do it the Aes Sedai way, where they can compel the bonded Sisters to obey.

I should mention that all this happened BEFORE Taim showed up. He was Not Happy.

There's more, but I need some sleep before I can process everything. I'm barely capable of coherent thought at this point.

Ugh, I feel horrible. Think I caught a cold after being dumped in the snow yesterday.

So the ride home yesterday was not pleasant, completely aside from being chilled to the bone. Two of the Aes Sedai spent the whole time sobbing.

I'd forgotten how terrifying we (by which I mean the boys) are to other people.

I'm so used to seeing the Power used for anything and everything I guess. And the couple fellows who went mad since I got here didn't have a chance to do much damage.

Then there was the whole question of what to do with them. This was before Canler's suggestion, and we're all still on edge because that Warder got away. Think I forgot to mention that last night.

The Dedicated argued about this the whole time back. In front of the new kids, which set a great example, I'm sure, and also in front of these five Aes Sedai who mostly put on a brave front except for the weeping ones.

Oh, I did find my sword eventually. So that was a lucky break.

The prisoners tried to ride away a few times, but they couldn't coordinate their breakaways, and all it really did was make everyone involved tired. I think if we'd been much further from the Black Tower when we started, there would have been a half dozen executions last night.

So we got them in, and found out that we weren't the only ones. There were at least three more parties of about the same size as ours, all brought in alive.

That was when it got really crazy. No one could find the M'hael (he does that sometimes) and his lieutenants were all for axing the lot of them. If not for Canler's suggestion I think things would have gotten out of hand.

I wish I could have seen the weave they used for the bonding. I mean, how different it was from the one the guys use on their wives. Because, man.

A few of the volunteers slapped on those bonds and ordered the Aes Sedai to shut up, and they did it.

THAT'S when Taim finally showed up, of course. He didn't say much, just listened to the report and gave orders that the Aes Sedai be kept out of everyone's way, but I saw the look of pure murder he shot Logain for taking charge in his absence.

That was when we were all sent back to our barracks, so I don't know what happened since then.

Morning assembly update: we know they sent 50 Aes Sedai to the Black Tower. We have caught half of those. The scouting parties are out now (they let me off the hook since I can't channel) and will be back in a day or two whether they find anyone or not.

Meanwhile the sentries closer in are on the alert, and everyone seems to have forgotten about me again.

Where even is Mishraile today?

News just came in. They caught ALL the Aes Sedai. None of the Warders, though I don't think there were more than a couple in the first place.

It is very weird having them here in the Black Tower. My whole life, everyone I know spoke with awe and respect for the Aes Sedai. They were the most powerful women in the world. Maybe the most powerful of anyone. And now they're ... I'm not even sure prisoners is the right word.

Mishraile never did show up today. I tried to report for my chores anyway, but there are so many new guys that there wasn't anything to do. I ended up hanging out with some of Logain's friends who I met the other day.

Apparently you CAN heal the common cold.

Logain is back. He's got TWO Aes Sedai bonded to him now.

They had to clear out an old warehouse to put all of them in. There isn't room in the barracks anywhere.

What in the Light?

I thought I'd check out the warehouse on my way back, but it sounds like someone's fighting in there.

Logain just RACED past me and went inside.

They WERE fighting. AES SEDAI, squabbling like village women.

I think I'm going to bed before this day gets any weirder.

There are Aes Sedai everywhere. O_O

Mishraile is once again missing, leaving me with no orders. I'm going to hang with the guys Logain is training again.

I talked Hanled into coming with me. He's practiced enough that he can choose what he wants to study now. Should make Dedicated any day now, they say.

I didn't mention it to Fian. We aren't really on speaking terms anymore.

A runner just came in with news that there's a claimant for the Andoran throne. Elayne something.

We must be closer to Caemlyn than I thought.

Adjusting to our new normal - Aes Sedai walking around like they own the place until some Dedicated barks an order at them.

Still no sign of Mishraile or really anyone who cares what I do during the day. Should I go back to helping newbies, or do the scouting thing some more?

I feel so useless now.

We had visitors from Caemlyn this morning. Rode in with fancy coats and such, and the instructors made everyone stand at attention while they passed.

One of the ladies in the front had on breeches like the men. Maybe it's an Andoran fashion? It's weird that I've never heard about it before though.

Yikes! Apparently the visitors this morning were the Lady Elayne (read: heir to the throne of Andor) and her retinue. I was this close to a future queen and didn't even know it!

Mishraile finally surfaced. Apparently he's been doing some kind of special training with the M'hael.

I thought he would have words for me, but he seems to have forgotten all about my punishment. Not going to complain there, but it's weird.

I spent my day at the weapons training ground. Master Haslin was glad to have me; said he liked having someone in a black coat as his backup to keep the new guys from shirking. Taim used to send someone down every day, but I guess he's busy or distracted or whatever.

Ok, so this is weird. Someone left a ... carving? ... outside my door this morning. Some secret admirer maybe?

It's actually really well done. It's a seated horse, made of dark green stone with lighter specks. Fits in the palm of my hand like it was made to be held there.

Got a letter from Tinya today! Totally did not expect that.

She got chewed out by both of our families, and my brothers (even the ones who are married and moved out) were ready to ride down and get me before she talked them out of it.

She does want me to come home; she just doesn't think my brothers can take on the whole Black Tower. Not that they wouldn't try.

Anyway, she made them promise they wouldn't try to bust me out before she would tell them exactly where it was.

There was also a care package bundled with the letter, but I think the merchant who delivered it pulled a fast one because this stuff looks like it's half a year gone.

The rest of Tinya's letter was all about how she's really really sorry she put me through this, and won't I please come home so she can stop feeling guilty about everything.

Not sure how I want to reply yet.

Ugh. The trainees at sword practice today found out I can't actually channel, and I had to call in Fian to help me. (He was closest. Not my first choice.)

He has really taken a turn for the worse. He set those boys down all right, and I don't think they'll disobey Master Haslin again, but two of them had to be Healed afterward. I am not OK with that.

Someone pranked me this morning. Woke up with water all over the floor and bed - definitely channeled there.

Weird thing is, I was dreaming about water right before I woke up. That stupid drowning nightmare again.

Well that is not a good feeling.

One of the fresh new trainees (started channeling a week ago) started shouting about spiders in his coat and had to be taken away by the M'hael.

The others were quite demoralized over it. Master Haslin gave a pep talk about how the M'hael and Logain have both been channeling for years without going mad, but it didn't pull them all the way out of their funk.

And the guilt kicks in again.

Remember back when the weirdest thing that ever happened to me was walking through a hole in the air and then nearly getting eaten by a mound of sewage?

Fun times.

So one of the new guys in the evening sword class used to be an instructor himself. Master Haslin paired me off with him for sparring and he taught me some new tricks - like how to disarm someone with a flick of the wrist.

It's um ... how to describe it? So basically you get the tip of their sword right against the hilt of yours, and then you can slam your whole blade against theirs so hard they lose their grip.

Dueling with swords is all about leverage, really. Even against a larger opponent (which is like, everyone for me), if you can keep the strong part of your blade (the lower half) against the weak part (the upper half) of theirs, you can pretty much control where their sword goes.

I really expected some sort of trouble from the captive Aes Sedai by now. Whatever they did with the Warder bond weave, it's working.

I think it might be working a little TOO well, actually. There's a lot of dogs in the village - like, a LOT - and they like to mob the Aes Sedai for some reason. We've been told to keep a sharp eye out because they can't channel to defend themselves.

(I want to note that it was Logain, not the M'hael, who told us to keep an eye out. Taim couldn't care less what happens to anyone but his favorites.)

That is the LAMEST THING EVER. Fian got promoted to Dedicated today, but not Hanled, who is WAY ahead of him in most of his studies.

I call shenanigans.

I told Hanled about Fian's discipline of the newbies the other day, and Hanled said that's how they do things once you get past basic level training. Not only that, but some of the instructors won't allow you to be healed afterward.

It's no wonder the guys keep burning themselves out. 🙁

Ok, I'm starting to freak out now.

You know that carving someone left at my door the other day? So, I guess I slipped it into my coat and forgot about it, and lately I've been sleeping in that coat (because as I've mentioned, these barracks are not cozy in the winter).

Well last night I had another nightmare, this time about somebody going crazy and setting the barracks on fire, and I woke up to find my coat burning where that carving was.

I have left it in my room, and I hope it doesn't ignite again.

I got Hanled to come look at the horse carving. At first he thought maybe someone had set a weave on it, but if they did it's gone now.

I mentioned the water thing a few days ago, wondering if it was part of the same prank. He said it's possible, but the fact that I was dreaming about water then and fire this time is weird.

Based on the theory lessons we've attended, it's possible that the Power could tap into someone's dreams using Spirit (remind me to explain about the five powers later, because I don't think I have yet), but all he senses in the room is a trace of Fire.

The other possibility (and this is a whopper!) is that this carving is some kind of ter'angreal.

I really think we ought to hand it over to one of the instructors. That sort of thing can be super dangerous.

Ick, but Hanled pointed out that we can't really trust any of them. Except for maybe Logain, but that just feels weird to me.

So right, the Five Powers.

They're sort of like basic natural forces. Air, Fire, Water, and Earth are pretty self explanatory. A pure weave of Air can make a gust of wind, or hold someone in place. Pure Earth might shake the ground, or otherwise affect physical objects.

Spirit has to do with the mind, and also I guess there are worlds outside from this one that can be glimpsed with Spirit? Supposedly that's how Foretelling works.

I'm sure Hanled could explain better because he's actually used the Power. All I know is what I've heard.

No but really, who would leave a ter'angreal outside my bedroom?

Hanled convinced me not to hand the carving over to one of the instructors. Then he somehow talked me into messing around with it to see if we can figure out how it works.

This will surely end well.

Well Hanled can't get it to do anything. He's channeled all sorts of things at it so far; I'm surprised he didn't break it with some of them.

We're giving up on it for today. Anyway, there's only so much time we can devote to "independent studies" before somebody comes looking.

Wow, I'm getting some man muscles from all that sword practice.

Also, my hands are getting callouses. Anybody got some lotion?

OMIGOSH. WE FIGURED IT OUT.

Hanled was like, "well it doesn't respond to any weaves, but we know it worked while you were sleeping next to it, so how about you hold it for a while?"

And I was all, "nuh-uh, this is dumb."

But he made me hold it anyway, and sit there in the snow thinking about that dream I had with the fire. Nothing happened until Hanled actually wove fire to warm us up though.

I was there, thinking about the weave he was making that I couldn't see, and A WEAVE OF FIRE CAME OUT OF THE CARVING.

It didn't hurt anyone, thank the Light. Hanled said the biggest danger was from him losing control of his weave in surprise.

I couldn't see anything, of course. But I tried it again - thinking about a weave of fire melting the snow - and it WORKED.

We're going to try it with the other Powers now.

IT WORKS. I can't believe it. I'm ... channeling saidin.

Maybe that's not a good thing, now that I think about it.

Going to let Hanled take over for a while.

Now that we've figured out the trick, Hanled can use it as easily as I could. He says it's like it seizes saidin for him. Also, when I used it, it LOOKED like I was seizing the source.

He thinks maybe it was created for teaching?

Oh, I get it. He thinks it's for training a man who has a bar, and for whatever reason can't seize or weave without some sort of personal handicap.

Around here they pretty much just beat it out of you. Ask me how I know.

But wait, if this ter'angreal was made for teaching MEN, that means it must be OLD. Like, thousands of years old! It totally does not look that old.

Again the question becomes, who left this for me? I mean, Taim and his cronies are the only ones I know who might possibly have access to ter'angreal, and why would any of them give it to me in secret?

I mean, I nearly burned my own house down before I figured out it WAS a ter'angreal.

On second thought, that DOES sound like exactly the sort of game the M'hael's people might play. 😠

Hanled thinks I should use this thing to fake channeling.

Then I pointed out that I still can't SEE what I'm doing. Sure, I can think "fire" at a thing and have it burn, but it's all very basic. It would be like weaving a rug while blindfolded.

I know Hanled THINKS he's helping. He really does. But "hey, I figured out a weave that will let you wield saidin" is not the awesome sentence that he thinks it is.

Yeah, so what he's done now with this weave is made the flows visible somehow. Something about "using Air to bend light," which is ridiculous. Light just IS; how could anyone bend it?

Anyway. So he made it so I can see his flows as colored ribbons in the air, and MAN, they are way more complicated than I ever imagined.

Oh, that's even BETTER. He didn't figure out the weave himself; he asked for help from one of Logain's guys. I thought we were keeping this whole ter'angreal thing to ourselves?

He's trying to get me to try weaving with this thing now, and I'm like, nuh-uh. I don't want to go stark raving nuts.

Well that was the wrong thing to say. Sorry, Hanled. I mean, still true though.

He talked me into trying it.

A LOT harder than it looks.

Face it, dude, I'm never going to be able to weave anything useful with this thing.

Well, Hanled FINALLY got promoted to Dedicated. About time.

Hanled joking about how now that he's Dedicated, he can order me to spend all day training with that ter'angreal (instead of just the couple hours we've had so far).

Wait, he WAS joking, right?

Ok, so he WAS joking.

Until he wasn't.

Apparently Hanled talked Mishraile into letting him take over my "training," and now we're scheduled together for everything but chores.

Just what I always wanted - to spend my entire day with the bane of my existence. >_<

I mean, he's mellowed a lot since leaving home, but he was never my favorite person to be around.

This is totally revenge for that "stark raving nuts" comment I made yesterday.

Ok, Hanled is really serious about this thing. Made me work so hard I got a headache.

And yeah, I know it's crazy that I'm letting him push me into this, but he made a really good point.

He said, "why have you stuck around this long if you weren't going to take the chance when it came to you?"

And I got thinking about all the times I've been jealous of him or Fian or someone else being able to do something with the Power that was actually kinda cool.

And he's right. At first I wanted nothing to do with this place. Then I stayed because these guys are the only ones who understand what happened to me at the Wells.

But now ... I want to be useful. I feel so powerless whenever I think how the Last Battle is looming. And now I'm here, and I have a chance to become what everyone thinks I've been all along, and I'm just going to blow it off?

Not being able to see the flows myself is a problem, yeah. But if there's even a chance I can make a difference, my Borderland pride won't let me leave it alone.

Oh my GOSH that was exhausting. -_-

Taking a break for lunch, we noticed something that has been getting worse and worse by the day but has now become blatant.

The Black Tower is divided. There's Taim's folks, and Logain's folks, and a dwindling number who haven't yet chosen a side.

I'd have to say I'm squarely in Logain's camp right now. Hanled same.

Not because I'm all fascinated with him like some of the Soldiers, but because they people who hang out with him are ... just better people, I guess.

They're less willing to tear each other down than Mishraile etc.

Than Fian.

I don't know what it says about the Black Tower that we're led by sycophants and narcissists, but it can't be anything good.

Logain's folks want to change that. We're not about to mutiny or anything, but ... well, we can't help feeling that the Lord Dragon would do it differently if he were here.

Those of us who've seen him in person agree; he doesn't do things Taim's way.

I really HAVE started to think of myself as belonging here.

*sigh* I guess I'd better put forth my best effort this afternoon.

Hanled is a slave driver, y'all. Just so you know.

I have such a headache now.

If you want to know how training is going today....

Picture a basket of apples. Your favorite kind; no blemishes or worm holes.

Now imagine what they look like after a horse steps on them.

That's what my best weaves look like so far.

Well that was very scary. I did something that backfired and knocked me out for a few minutes.

My head is still ringing. Hanled has had me exempted from sword practice for the night.

Additional side effects include the fact that everyone knows I've channeled now because Hanled ran to find somebody to Heal me before I woke up.

And I mean EVERYONE. Even Master Haslin congratulated me on my way to the barracks.

Going to bed early. If I don't wake up, I want "She channeled saidin" on my epitaph.

You guys are never going to believe this, but TINYA IS BACK.

She must have arrived after I went to bed last night, because she was here to harass me when I woke up.

She says she's not leaving me alone until I agree to go home. Hung around all through breakfast telling me ridiculous stories about my brothers.

I told her I had to report for training and she followed me to the yard so she could stand there glaring at me.

Hanled showed up late, surprised that I was there at all. I guess he thought I should take a day off after yesterday's mishap.

Now he's giving me these guilty looks, like it's his fault I got hurt. Well maybe it is, but it's too late to turn back, now. Everyone expects me to show some progress soon.

Huh. This flame and void thing really helps, actually.

Well that was a thing.

Apparently Logain is going recruiting, and offered to get me out of here. He very rudely (no really, I can't blame him) assumed that when Hanled told everyone I'd had a channeling accident, it was a ruse to take the heat off me.

Anyway, the way he said it made me kinda mad, so I slipped my hand in the pocket where I keep the horse carving (NOT while I'm sleeping), and imagined a gust of wind bowling him over.

He dispelled the weave, of course. It barely ruffled his hair. You should have seen the look on his face though, hoo boy!

"I can handle myself," I said, and sauntered away. (Yeah, no. I only wish I had. My version was way less cool.)

Tinya, of course, called me an idiot.

Someday my mouth really IS going to get me into trouble, TBH.

It's all about to go down over in Caemlyn. Couple of rival claimants for the Andoran throne are moseying toward the city with their armies.

They PROBABLY won't bother us here, but the M'hael has sent out scouts to watch them.

Wait, why did nobody mention that the Daughter-Heir is also Aes Sedai??

Not panicking. Deep breaths, Ashalyn.

So Mishraile took me aside after breakfast, and told me I'd made a "wise choice" concerning Logain yesterday. I'm not sure what he means by that, but I sure wasn't about to contradict him.

I mean, I guess it looked like we didn't part on friendly terms?

Anyway, he went on and on about how the M'hael rewards those who are loyal to him. Sounded a lot like the recruiting spiel they gave us back home. More hints than promises.

I said I'd think about it, because what else was I going to say? Then as he's walking off he goes, "The M'hael is glad that you're making use of his present."

He seemed to think that I should be grateful the M'hael is taking an interest in "a Soldier who took three whole months to learn to channel."

Yeah, creeped out is more like.

Tinya thinks maybe we shouldn't hang out with Logain's folks so obviously now that he's not here to stick up for them. I mean, I don't like it, but I can see her point.

Other than Logain, there's not one full Asha'man among them. I'd go so far as to say that Taim has withheld promotions from some of them because of their, er, political leanings.

Is that maybe why Hanled got promoted to Dedicated so much later than Fian?

Guys, I'm starting to worry about Hanled. :(

They say paranoia and suspicion are some of the first signs, and he's been looking at me askance all morning.

He hasn't so much as SPOKEN to Tinya since she came back. Sometimes he'll stare right through her, like she's not even there.

Ok, I'll admit that Hanled is a much more patient teacher than I would be.

I did manage to weave a ball of light for a minute today.

Well, more like 3 seconds. But I did it.

So tired. Tinya kept me up half the night chattering. Was she always this noisy?

Come on, do we really have to work on balls of light again? Can't we get some variety?

Tinya, conversely, is as chipper as ever. I love you, missy, but you don't spend your days working yourself to the limit, so Kindly. Shut. Up.

Hey, that one lasted like half a minute.

So, with most people there's an imbalance in strength with each of the five Powers. Most guys are strong with Fire, for example, and weak with Air. Hanled thinks this ter'angreal is perfectly balanced though, because I'm gaining agility with both at the same (slow) rate.

If I stare at these balls of light for much longer, my eyes may just start bleeding. >_>

Ok, we've finally moved on from making balls of light.

Now we're making ribbons of light. 🙄

Pretty sure I just fell asleep standing up.

Sword practice finally over. I told Tinya if she wakes me up before breakfast, I'll make HER go to lessons with Hanled.

*sigh* More ribbons of light today. Hanled says we'll be practicing them until I can do it with my eyes closed.

Oh.

OHHHH!

One of the Aes Sedai came to watch us today. I mean, it's not like we had a No Trespassing sign up on the field we're using, but I thought they were all supposed to be under close supervision.

She creeped Hanled out too. He didn't want her to figure out what we were doing with the weaves of light he had going to help me see my flows, so we switched to something different until she left.

He had me weaving flows at him, just really basic attack flows, and he would slice the weave before it reached him. He said it helped him gauge how powerful the ter'angreal was, so the afternoon wasn't a total loss.

The verdict: I'll never be a powerhouse using this thing, but I should be able to master most of the basic combat weaves. There's no way I'm making a gateway or anything of that caliber, unless I get reeeeeeeally good with weaving the flows. Like, master rugweaver good.

What was really funny though was when Hanled didn't slice my weave of Earth quickly enough and the tremor knocked the Aes Sedai on her butt.

That was pretty much when she decided to leave.

(Thinking about it later, I'm not entirely sure he didn't do it on purpose.)

Logain is STILL gone. I hoped he would find al'Thor by now. I mean, uh, new recruits. Because he's out ... recruiting. >_>

You don't think the rumors are true about al'Thor going mad and leveling the palace in Cairhien, do you?

Because that might make finding him a little bit hard.

Also, there's the whole Last Battle thing. 😓

Oof. Today we're practicing attack weaves. Very basic ones that I can make without being able to see them, but can't aim very well yet.

We be shattering rocks like crazy.

Don't worry though - Hanled has a shield of Air up to protect us from the shrapnel. Since Tinya REFUSES to go back to the barracks where it's safe, I asked Hanled to make her one, too. He must really hate her because it took me like 10 minutes to get him to make one. :(

Even then he made it like 5 paces away from where she was standing, and she had to walk to it.

I must have blown up a hundred rocks today. I AM A FORCE OF CHAOS AND DESTRUCTION.

Wow, that really does go to your head.

This is the power to rule the world ... or break it.

Back to making ribbons of light again. Ugh.

I get what Hanled is trying to do here, it's just way less fun than blowing up rocks.

Fian came by to tweak my nose about him getting in on special lessons with the M'hael.

He seems to simultaneously think that 1: I wasted an opportunity by walking away, and 2: that Hanled is helping me fake channeling somehow.

Something is wrong with your brain, child.

Starting to realize that what I used to see as likability in Fian was really just sycophantism.

Hanled, on the other hand, is rough around the edges ... well, pretty much MADE of rough edges, to be honest ... but once he sets his mind to a thing, he doesn't turn back.

I did it! I wove a ribbon of light without being able to see the flows! It fell apart after a few seconds, but it was there!

Occurs to me to wonder: can I burn out using this thing?

I mean, it's not really me channeling, right? So I guess the question would be, is it possible for a ter'angreal to burn itself out?

Hanled seems to think no. He can't make it draw any more of the Power than I can, so he thinks it has a built in limit. It's channeling past your physical limit which makes guys burn out.

Man, wouldn't it be great if every Soldier had one of these starting out?

Regardless of whether I can burn out using it, I can definitely get tired out. :P Have I mentioned how Hanled is a slave driver?

Keep trying to convince Tinya to take a turn using this thing, but she's too chicken.

That Aes Sedai is back. O_o

Word is that Caemlyn is officially under siege. Kind of a shame; I was hoping to get a look at it one of these days. I've never even been to Fal Moran.

Rather than making rocks explode without being able to see my flows, today I'm lifting them. I think this is the earliest I've broken a sweat since we started.

Huh. Now that I think about it, the days do seem to be getting warmer again after that abbreviated winter.

It's weird though. Usually you'd see new grass poking up through the dirt by now, even in the Borderlands.

Tinya is trying to strike up a conversation with that Aes Sedai, who is of course ignoring her the same way she ignores most of what we say to her.

Leave it alone, Tinya. No need to get tied up with TWO towers.

Ugh. Why these flows of Air gotta be so slippery?

That AS is chewing out Hanled for pushing me so hard. Or she's trying to, anyway. Every time she opens her mouth, Hanled blows up a rock so he can't hear her. I think her serenity is cracking.

That is boggling my mind. Apparently some Aes Sedai study for years to get to the level of control Hanled has in just a couple months.

What do they waste their time doing up there in the White Tower?

The Dedicated who bonded this AS finally came to collect her. He ordered her not to bother us again.

Got sick of lifting rocks and decided to blow them up instead. Hanled is not amused. ;P

As punishment he's making me add flows of water to the ribbons of light training. By which I mean, I'm manipulating actual water with it - he dragged in a horse trough. At least I can see what I'm doing.

Finally broke for lunch.

I'm just gonna ... lay here for a minute.

Whoops, fell asleep. Did I miss lunch?

Yay, Hanled brought me a meat pie.

He says it's because he can't work me as hard if I'm hungry, but I think there's maybe just a little bit of a softer side to him after all.

(Plus everyone knows meat pies are my favorite.)

Um. Mishraile is here to see how my training is going.

This is about to get awkward.

Hanled tried keeping me to weaves I could do without being able to see them, but Mishraile saw through it right away.

Now they're arguing. Ugh.

Apparently Mishraile DIDN'T know about the ter'angreal.

If it's not Mishraile watching me, who told the M'hael I was using it?

He wanted to take it from me, and was floored when I informed him this was the "gift" he referred to when passing on that message the other day.

He's walking away now.

Hanled and I have decided to pick a new spot to train.

Hey, this is nice. Little spot in the woods outside the wall.

Okay, maybe not so nice.

All this time blowing up rocks, it never occurred to me what these weaves are really for. Making a tree explode from the inside out though ... that sent me right back to Dumai's Wells.

I think I'm going to be sick.

No way. No no no no no.

I can't be going mad. I'm not even really channeling, am I?

We took a breather after that tree, and Hanled ... he doesn't think Tinya is really here.

Why did nobody tell me she wasn't real???!

Oh Light, she isn't real, is she? Nobody ever looks at her or talks to her but me.

Sorry, I'm ... gonna have to take a minute to process this.

I want it to be Hanled who's crazy. Isn't that selfish of me? I'd rather my ... my friend go crazy than to be crazy myself. What kind of person does that make me?

He's not, though. Tinya ... the illusion of Tinya ... insists she's real. But when I told her to prove it by pushing Hanled over, she threw a fit and vanished.

And now that I think about it, I never really see her come and go. Or sleep, or eat, or anything real. Light, how long have I been deluding myself that she's here?

Hanled wonders if maybe this ter'angreal is amplifying the taint somehow. Or that I somehow got it all at once in the backlash that day I knocked myself out.

That's when it started, wasn't it? I woke up the next morning and she was there.

Light burn me. What am I going to do now?

I maaaay have gone a bit overboard on those trees. >_>

No, you did NOT see me crying on Hanled's shoulder just now. You're all hallucinating. Go away.

Go away, Tinya. Let me split firewood in peace.

Everyone clapping as I drag firewood and kindling in on flows of Air just makes all of it worse. Here I am doing basic level stuff and I already have a full blown hallucination skipping through the streets in front of me.

Stop flirting with people who can't see you, Tinya. You're making me blush in front of everyone.

I'm just gonna turn in early before I snap someone's nose off.

I don't feel like going to practice today, so I'm hiding out by the M'hael's place. Don't anyone tell Hanled where I am.

Oh, great. There's some full Asha'man out here chatting. I hope they don't spot me.

They don't seem like they're looking for me. Just shooting the breeze. Breeze on over that way, please?

Yikes! Who is opening gateways way out here? That ought to be done at the Traveling ground, my dudes.

Okay, this is so not cool.

They've all three huddled up now, but I can still hear them.

The one just asked for a report, and the new one--I can't see their faces I'm afraid--was all, "No good. Al'Thor's people caught both of them." And then the first guy was all panicked until the new guy assured him, "They've been dealt with."

I'm paraphrasing here because they're talking so fast, but the new guy said he'd killed "anyone who had their face seen."

So I was all, "I gotta tell Taim about this," and then the second guy was all, "the M'hael will not be happy," like it was his orders they were carrying out.

They're leaving. I think. I don't want to risk peeking out yet.

Why would Taim want to steal something from the Lord Dragon?

I tried shadowing them to see if I could glimpse their faces. Stupid, I know. Any one of them could kill me without thinking about it.

They didn't spot me though. Mishraile did.

He wanted to know what I was doing out there, and I panicked. Told him I'd been thinking about what he said before about Taim being able to protect me from some of "the consequences." Mentioned I thought I was starting to go mad already.

Mishraile said I would have to "prove my loyalty" to the M'hael first, and that he would contact me in a day or so.

What have I gotten myself into now?

Hanled called me nine kinds of an idiot for snooping around at Taim's place. I wasn't about to explain that I'd been hiding from him.

He offered to let me take it easy today, but I'm too scared. Whatever Mishraile has in mind for me might take everything Hanled can teach me.

Slicing attack weaves I can't see is probably the most difficult thing I've ever done.

It's not really hard work, it's just impossibly difficult to get it right.

The other thing we've worked on today is called the Mask of Mirrors. It's actually very similar to the weaves I've been practicing lately, and involves bending light to make yourself look like a different person.

Yes, light CAN actually be bent. Who knew?

I'm about 90% certain I'll never be able to make it work without Hanled's help, but I'm not bad as long as I can see the flows.

I ... I did it! I can't believe it. I finally managed Hanled's weave!

Actually doing something while weaving it though ... Light, but that's going to be hard. I've never split my flows that far and had anything good come from it.

The more complicated the weave I'm trying while using Hanled's ribbons to see them, the harder it gets. Just weaving a simple ball of light while doing it is making me sweat.

Light, Fian, don't startle me like that! I thought he was Mishraile for a minute.

Creep has been watching from around a corner for I don't know how long. I don't think he realizes I've got the ter'angreal; I'd rather keep it that way.

He seems convinced I'm actually channeling saidar. Wake up genius; if this were saidar you wouldn't be able to see what I'm weaving.

Heh. He still thinks it's a trick. Well I guess maybe it is, but it's MY trick, not Hanled's.

Oh, NOW he mentions he has a message from Mishraile.

"Come to the M'hael's palace an hour before dawn." Yeah, that's real helpful.

He says I have to come alone. Not cool.

Tinya (who I've been trying to ignore but she's very persistent) thinks I should leave the Black Tower now. Trust me; it's on my wish list.

I've just got this feeling though ... like someone from Logain's side of the Black Tower needs to keep a closer eye on the M'hael's men, or something really bad will happen. I don't know if I can convince Taim I'm loyal to him, but I want to at least see what this task is about.

If I can't handle it, then I'm done. Hanled said he's removed the weave they used to find me last time from my belt buckle. I can leave, and they'll never find me.

(Seriously though, my BELT BUCKLE? I could have just swapped belts with someone and been scot free!)

I asked Master Haslin if he knew any dirty tricks he could teach me. He said to come talk to him before curfew.

We didn't have long, but Master Haslin showed me some basic techniques for subduing an attacker when you don't have a weapon. Hanled was hanging around so I got to practice on him. ;P

I promise that nut shot was NOT on purpose. 😓

There should be a word for having someone get up early and then making them wait TWO HOURS before coming to get them.

Oh. Tinya says that word is "hazing."

Just when I was sure Fian was pranking me, Mishraile finally comes out to get me. Waiting outside the M'hael's audience chamber.

Ok, well that's not too bad I guess. Taim wants me to go to Caemlyn and send him reports from there.

It will cut into my training time, but Mishraile assures me I can make up for it later. Bit ominous.

I'm supposed to come back in regular clothes after the morning meeting.

Wait, what?

Did he really just call my name? Ok, stop pushing, people, I'm going up.

I can't believe that just happened. I've been promoted to Dedicated.

This is unreal. I can't possibly be qualified for this.

Hanled says that no, I haven't mastered all the weaves normally required for promotion, though he doesn't think it would take me long at this point.

This is just Taim's way of saying, "work for me, and good things will happen to you."

Still, the feeling of walking down those stairs with a sword pin on my collar ... not gonna lie; that's heady.

Meeting's over. Taking off my coat feels very ... dissatisfying. Especially now with the sword on the collar.

Oh good, that dress Tinya had made is still in here.

Oh my GOSH it feels weird to put on a skirt after months in breeches.

Gonna need the extra thick stockings today.

Should I do ringlets?

I'm doing ringlets.

I am probably the first person in the history of the world to curl my hair with saidin.

Oh. Hanled's here.

I don't think he expected to see me wearing a dress.

Come on, Hanled, get to the point. I've got ringlets to finish here.

Um. He wants permission to bond me. Like a wife. So he can find me "if something goes wrong."

What do I say??

You know what? Screw it. I'm scared enough that at this point I'll take all the backup I can find.

He says he can release the bond later, once we don't need it anymore.

Clearly Hanled has never kissed a woman before.

(Don't look at me like that. It's the way the weave works.)

Now that is WEIRD. And kind of cool at the same time.

I can tell Hanled is very embarrassed. After a kiss like that, I would be too.

I keep getting this mild feeling of admiration when he looks at me. I had no idea he thought so highly of me.

There was also a flicker of....

Nevermind. I'm probably imagining things.

I don't have any of those Domani powders, so I suppose what I've got will have to do.

Time to go.

Swayed up to that kid Bardo on my way out of the barracks. The look on his face when he realized it was me was PRICELESS.

Told you I would have my revenge.

Mishraile didn't recognize me at first either, lol.

He thinks dressing as a woman is "very clever." 🙄

Apparently I'm not the only one going? That lady who looks like my aunt is here too.

We've decided we're going as "sisters."

Grr. They won't let me use my real name. Well, not my first name anyway. Mishraile thinks it's too "on the nose," whatever that means.

Excuse me, Master Hoity Toity Asha'man, but I was an Ashalyn before your high and mighty Black Tower existed.

(No, I did not say that aloud.)

I get to be "Sephanie." 🙄

Heh, that explains a thing.

Mishraile thinks my ter'angreal is actually a plain angreal, and that I'm not strong enough to channel anything useful without it.

Well he's not wrong. >_>

He did say that I should avoid channeling when possible in the city. Aes Sedai can't usually sense when someone weaves saidin, but if there's one thing I've learned while using this thing, it's that I should never assume that anything cannot be done.

Still so very weird, feeling Hanled in the back of my head.

Aww, I can't take my coat.

Everyone's here. Looks like I'm the only Asha'man going. The other guys are laborer types and a clerk, none of whom can channel.

Now the tricky part - getting through the siege.

Yeah, you'd think it would be easy when you can just gate in, but if anyone sees us come in that way, there goes our cover.

Mishraile just wove a mask of mirrors on himself. He's going to accompany us partway.

Ok, gate is open and we're through, without anyone seeing us. The laborer and clerk guys looked pretty nervous walking through, but once Naris and I were through, they had no excuse.

Mishraile reminding them how much money they've been promised.

Naris and I don't need reminders. We're part of the Black Tower now. No going back.

Oh hey, they've got a cart ready for us. At least we don't have to walk to ... wherever it is we're going.

It's the palace. Of course it is. Why didn't I realize Taim would be interested in spying on the nobility?

I refuse to believe that we're the first ones he's set doing this job.

Although I guess maybe the siege has made it harder for his regular guys to come and go, so maybe that's it.

How ARE we supposed to report back, anyway?

Oh my GOSH this place is huge. I didn't get a good look at it until we were up on the hill. Makes Fal Dara look like a collection of huts with a wall around it.

I don't think I've seen this many people in my whole entire LIFE.

Every last inch of it is FANCY. Especially up where we are now. Barely a thought taken for defense. I mean, I could probably climb that wall over there right into the palace gardens.

Definitely guards on the other side though, right? I mean, even Southlanders aren't that stupid.

Guardsman at the gate was clearly expecting Mishraile's, um ... alter ego. Now we're waiting in a courtyard for someone called the First Maid.

Mishraile handed us each a small object before he left. Mine is a button. Said to hand this to whoever ends up as our supervisor, and no one else. The first person besides ourselves who touches it will believe whatever we tell them, as long as it's plausible.

Pretty sure Hanled doesn't know this weave.

I'll have to warn him about accepting gifts from Taim's people, somehow.

Oh. It doesn't usually work on someone who can channel.

So it's only me who has to worry about it then. :P

We'll receive instructions on how to send messages after we've been here a few days. Fun.

Oh, here comes someone.

Naris gave her coin to the First Maid. Slick.

Not sure where the men have gone off to. We're not supposed to hang out together anyway. Naris and I are being taken to someone named Essande for our training.

Essande seemed very suspicious of us at first. I tried dropping my button on the ground but she didn't spot it. Finally had to go, "Oh, did you drop this?" to get her to touch it.

Her attitude changed immediately. I mean, I felt almost guilty doing that to her.

Wait, did she say we're going to be attendants for the LADY ELAYNE?

Naris almost panicked when Essande said she and I would be sharing a room, since we're "sisters." I assured her it would be ok.

So that's a conversation I'll be having sooner rather than later.

She DID say Elayne. Who we're now being taken to for introductions.

Please don't recognize me pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.

Phew. That was mostly painless. Nobody seemed to recognize me from that ride through the Black Tower last month. I was wearing my hat that day so that probably helped.

That woman wearing breeches before is called the Lady Birgitte, which totally cannot be her real name. I mean, tall with that hair and a bow? Too much coincidence.

The one who really scared me is the "Lady Aviendha," who I swear by my hope of rebirth is an Aielwoman. She kept fingering her beltknife and making me sweat.

Apparently I also don't know how to curtsy properly. Essande will instruct us later.

The breeches are definitely an Andoran thing. We've passed half a dozen guardswomen wearing them.

Suffered through a fitting for our palace uniforms, and now Naris and I are alone in our new room.

Hoo, boy.

Yeah, she didn't believe me. I wouldn't either; I am going mad after all.

So I proved it to her. That was embarrassing. And also very chilly. Nobody bothered to set a fire in here.

Ahh, that's better.

Whoops. Forgot I wasn't supposed to channel.

Had to let Naris try out the ter'angreal herself before she would believe me. Not a great idea I know, but she'd already seen me light the fire so I couldn't really tell her no.

I figured a gust of wind would be pretty safe, so that's what I told her to imagine.

She figured I could fake that, and aimed a flow of water at our basin instead. Long story short, I'm now cold AND wet, but she does believe me.

And now holding our breaths, hoping nobody in the palace felt us use saidin.

Just about had a heart attack when the door burst open, but it's just Essande here to start our training. Yay. >_>

That lady is SCARY. Tinya cracked a joke and made me giggle while Essande was explaining something, and she smacked me with a towel. Naris got it too, for asking a question "too loudly."

At least all that sword practice makes curtsying over and over again way easier.

And here I thought I was done with people snapping at me to keep my back straight.

Now we have to learn how to help someone take a BATH? Rich people are crazy.

Essande made sure we understand that if we make her look bad, we'll be scrubbing floors on our hands and knees instead of living in 'luxury' as lady's maids.

Frankly, I'm more scared of what the M'hael will do if we botch this chance to spy on the Daughter-Heir.

Oh lovely. Our uniforms are already done.

I miss wearing pants.

And my sword. Definitely missing my sword right now. Essande won't let us carry so much as an eating knife into the room with Lady Elayne.

Have I ever mentioned that red is not my color? :P

Black, on the other hand ... I was really getting used to black.

So when do we get dinner around here?

Well one thing I can say about this place is that they whip up a tasty stew.

And now it's time to get our "liege lady" ready for bed.

Nervous? Who said anything about me being nervous?

(It was Tinya. Tinya said it.)

I SWEAR I did that curtsy perfectly, but Essande still shot me a glare once nobody was looking.

Undid a gazillion buttons before I remembered I was also supposed to be listening for things the M'hael might be interested in learning. I'm not good at multi-tasking, ok?

Tinya says nobody talked about anything interesting anyway. Like I can trust you, you obnoxious figment of my hallucination.

Apparently we don't get to go to bed until everything she wore is clean and ready for tomorrow.

Come on. I've SEEN her closets. I'd be surprised if she wears this dress again this MONTH.

Also we had to get a bunch of things ready for a state visit tomorrow, even though the city is under siege?

Oh, right, gateways. Sorry, y'all, I've been up since way too dang early o'clock.

This bed is way comfier than the one I had in the barracks.

Smells cleaner, too.

Nope, counting my blessings doesn't make me any less homesick.

First minute I've had to really think about this bond thing since the cart ride.

I can tell Hanled's not sleeping, even though it's way past curfew. I think he's worried about me.

Y'all don't think he had any ... other reasons for asking to bond me than simple concern, do you?

I mean of course he didn't. He's not really my type anyway.

Go to sleep, Hanled; I'm fine.

(Let me sleep, Tinya, or so help me I will channel at you.)

Ugh, another early morning. #PleaseHaveMercy #PalaceLife

I take comfort in the fact that Lady Elayne couldn't possibly have had a full night's rest either.

(I wouldn't sleep well if I had an army at my gates; that's for sure.)

One entourage successfully out the door with 3 times as much clothing as any reasonable person could expect to need for an overnight trip, and now I can finally - yeah haha you didn't really think I was gonna say "take a break," did you? #PalaceLife

I say Hanled is a slave driver a lot, but actually Essande could give him a run for his money.

Tinya hasn't shut up all day. I think the more exhausted I am, the more she talks.

There's a metaphor here about methods and madness but it's beyond me right now.

Finally sat down for lunch with the other servants. I'm learning a few things - when I can hear them over Tinya.

Fortunately, everyone chalks up my being distracted by Tinya to timidity because I'm new. Hope that lasts. :P

Naris is good at covering for me, too. I told her all about Tinya last night and apologized in advance for her unpredictable antics.

Oh thank the Light. Essande has decided she needs a nap and has given us some free time while she does so.

I was starting to wonder if she only LOOKED like an old woman.

Wow, these gardens are amazing. I didn't think these flowers would even bloom in this weather.

Definitely no guards, though. Oy. These Andorans are lucky that they're so far from the Blight. Trollocs would have a field day in this place.

Tinya get off the wall. >_<

Longest I've gone without channeling since I started. Well, since I started doing it on purpose anyway.

I want to go back to my room and just practice something, but apparently this palace is FULL of women who can channel.

Learned at lunch that pretty much all the Sea Folk here can. (Sea Folk are even weirder than Andorans.) And there's others too; a group called the Kin, and a handful of honest to goodness Aes Sedai.

Couldn't help myself. :P Practicing Hanled's weave again. At least if I get arrested, they won't find my coat here.

Naris caught me channeling and chewed me out. She says she can't trust me with this ter'angreal and has confiscated it. 😠

Probably for the best, but I'm not going to pretend to be happy about it.

Aaaaand back to work - this time airing out closets and checking gowns and such for wear.

I swear you could buy a village with the gems on any one of these dresses.

Apparently there's a particular way to put a strand of sapphires away so it won't get tangled.

I apparently don't know what that way is.

#PleaseDontFireMe #PalaceLife

There are also right and wrong ways to hang up a gown, fold linens, and walk into a room. So far, I'm batting zero here.

I FINALLY got the curtsy down.

Hey, I know that sound. Someone's practicing with swords over there.

Oh cool, it's the guardswomen. Which apparently ARE new, and everyone in the palace has Opinions about them.

Aww. :[ Naris dragged me away before I could do something stupid like ask to practice with them. She knows me too well already.

How the heck does anyone find a privy in this place?

Do we really have to practice the bath thing AGAIN?

This time it was Naris who made me giggle. >_>

In bed at a decent hour tonight, but suddenly I don't feel like sleeping.

I asked Naris why she stuck around when her husband decided to learn to channel. She's bonded to him, of course.

She said she never even thought of leaving him. That's just the sort of relationship they have.

What would that be like, to have someone you would pick up your entire life for, and stay with even when he started to go mad?

I had to tell her why I stayed too, of course, so I explained how I ended up at the Wells. Her man never saw it; he came in some weeks afterward.

This is the first time they've spent so many nights apart since they were married. The bond helps, but she can tell that he misses her as much as she does him.

Huh. Someone just slipped a letter under the door.

It's from the M'hael. Or maybe Mishraile; I haven't seen either of their handwriting.

It says to place the letter in a spot that will be secure and hidden from prying eyes. There's an anchor woven into the paper (man, I wish I could see it) that they can use to make a small gateway to the spot for passing messages.

Well at least the M'hael hasn't forgotten about us.

I'll admit I was worried that he'd sent me here just to get rid of me.

Naris has a jewelry box she thinks will do the trick.

And some fancy looking jewelry in it, wow. Naris says she was a merchant's daughter, and they were rich enough to have a couple servants growing up. That explains why she's so much better at this than me.

There's so much I don't know about her. ...Probably not a good thing if we're supposed to be sisters.

She agrees that we need to start sharing stories every night, so we'll have some material to work with.

But not tonight. Definitely time to sleep.

Yes, Tinya; good night to you, too.

Guys, I'm about to lose my cool. Got a MASSIVE spike of fear and dread from Hanled just now.

At first I thought, well maybe he's been asked to try some new weave he doesn't think he's ready for, but then Naris said she's getting the exact same thing from Venson.

Something bad is happening at the Black Tower, and I'm stuck here counting buttons.

Naris says my ter'angreal is VIBRATING.

(She still won't give it back.)

It's not just the boys panicking. The Sea Folk, those Kin, and even the Aes Sedai are gathered at the west end of the palace grounds - wide-eyed, whispering in corners. I've seen an Aes Sedai frightened out of her wits before, and I'm telling you, these ladies are on the verge.

I asked one what was going on and nearly had my nose snapped off.

That's it, I'm going back to Hanled.

No no no! Why did Elayne have to come back from her trip NOW? Just a few more minutes and I would have been out of this palace and headed home.

Ok, ok, play it cool. Nobody who can't channel is at all out of sorts. Can't give ourselves away.

Of course she wants a bath. Which way were the kitchens again?

Dudes bring up the hot water making crude remarks about the Lady Elayne. Naris, why'd you have to take my ter'angreal?

Bam! Nailed one of the creeps in the back of the head with a pumice stone. He never saw it coming.

Oh no. That Aielwoman wants a bath, too. Tinya, please don't make me laugh; I like my fingers where they are.

Who knew that bath time would turn into spill all your secrets hour? The head Guardswoman is giving us all sorts of things we can report to the M'hael. Even dropped a tidbit about some Aes Sedai in the city. He'll love that.

Light, that scared me! Bunch of Sea Folk just pushed their way past the guardswomen. Between being so nervous about getting something wrong and that continuous spike of fear from Hanled, I just about jumped out of my skin.

I tried to grab my ter'angreal from Neris, and she tried to hand it to me without anyone noticing, and I don't even know what we looked like to everyone else in the room.

My money is on witless ninnies.

This Sea Folk lady talking about "what is happening to the west" like it's a big important deal. Wasn't everyone looking west this morning?

I can clearly feel Hanled to the south of me. So maybe whatever has him worried isn't at the Black Tower after all?

At least I got my ter'angreal back. Though if the rest of my days here are going to be anything like this one, maybe I shouldn't be trusted to carry it around after all.

Hmm. I think the "Lady" Aviendha can channel. When those Sea Folk burst in, she didn't go for her belt knife; she grabbed some sort of amber-colored carving.

I'd bet my sword pin AND my black coat that it's some kind of ter'angreal.

(Tinya thinks I'd lose that bet. She thinks it's one of those "angreal" that magnifies your strength with the Power. Same difference, imho.)

Now would be a great time to get this place cleaned up (they've moved to the sitting room), but Essande says no. "The first rule of servanting is to never let your liege see you doing anything that isn't about themselves."

Naris says it's my turn to do up the Lady's buttons. I said sure; but she has to do Aviendha's.

Then she pointed out that Aiel clothing doesn't have buttons. :P

Uh oh, here they come.

Well, that was an adventure.

I'm sitting there doing up buttons, and Tinya keeps shouting at me that I'm DOING IT WRONG. Thanks for the vote of confidence.

So I finally get done and take a deep breath, and then Captain-General Trahelion comes in and says some nobles just showed up, and she's gotta change into something even fancier.

The joke was on Naris after all, though; Lady Elayne talked Aviendha into wearing this velvet thing with a gazillion buttons.

I think I'm getting worse. :/ Usually the stuff Tinya says makes sense, but now she's sitting in a corner singing "Cot twelve," over and over.

We don't even have a cot. We have a bed that's barely wide enough for one person, and a pallet on the floor that we take turns using.

Yay, lunchtime!

So, Naris thought up something to help me keep a straight face when Tinya does stuff. Whenever we're eating with the other servants, we play this game called "Make Me Laugh." Last one to crack a smile wins.

(Tinya lost.)

It's gone. Whatever it is that was scaring Hanled is gone. Now I'm getting relief mixed with mild worry.

Naris says: Same.

https://twitter.com/WOTHolidays/status/1236631753646841856

Keep checking that box we put the letter in, but no change. Guess they don't think we need an update on whatever it was.

Most of the Sea Folk cleared out earlier, but the "Kin" who are left look either relieved, thoughtful, or brooding.

We were woken up in the early morning by the sound of a small gateway delivering a message. Neither of us has been able to stop crying since.

Neris is upset that her jewelry box was damaged - we'll have to find something bigger - but that's not the important part.

Saidin is clean. The letter said everyone at the Black Tower agrees, and they've been discussing it all night.

The bond confirms it; Hanled and Venson are both overjoyed to the point of tears. They'll never go mad, never have to worry about killing everyone they love.

I'm happy for them. So, so happy. But at the same time, there is no denying that Tinya is still here.

I'm happy, but I'm also angry. If the taint on saidin had vanished just a few weeks earlier ... or if Taim had left that ter'angreal by my door that same few weeks later ... I would still be sane.

I can only take comfort in the fact that I shouldn't get any worse.

Shut up, Tinya. You're not helping.

We couldn't keep a straight face through dressing the Lady this morning. Naris lied and said we'd just found out our favorite uncle had died, and she dismissed us for the rest of the day. Essande was less than pleased.

Um ... I feel like Hanled is suddenly a lot closer than he was a minute ago.

I think he's in the city. Naris says Venson is still far away though.

Naris is going to see whether she can cajole the First Maid into giving us our pay for the last couple days so she can buy "an appropriate gift for our bereaved aunt." And also a new lockbox.

Wait, I get paid HOW MUCH per day? And Mistress Harfor apologized when she couldn't give us MORE??

Long live the Queen!

Hanled is definitely close. It's a good thing the palace is on the highest hill, though, or I'd never be able to find my way back after all this winding.

Found him!

Been so long since I've seen him without his black coat that he was right on top of us before I spotted him.

Here I was hoping he had come to take me back for a few hours of lessons, but he's only here "on business." Which he won't talk about yet because he thinks Naris and I were followed.

Wow, we really are being followed.

Naris thinks it's because we're newly hired and someone wants to make sure we're not spies. It will look more suspicious if we try to ditch the guy, so on with the charade, I guess. 🙄

Ducked into a florist shop. Naris is picking out a bouquet.

Hanled leans down and says, "Al'Thor wants us to keep an eye out for a woman who killed one of his Asha'man with saidin."

It took me a minute to convince myself he wasn't really mad. I mean, he FEELS lucid in my head.

Then the panic sets in.

How many people know I'm a woman? Hanled, Fian, Logain, and Taim know for sure. A few others might suspect, especially if they get thinking about that time I ran for home.

I'm not crazy enough to kill someone and not remember it. Am I?

No, Naris would have said something if I'd gone that far off the rails. But who could it have been? What are the odds of there being TWO women channeling saidin?

And Eben Hopwil ... last I heard he was on the deserter's list. I'm really happy that was a mistake - Fedwin Morr was on that list too, and I always thought he was a stand-up guy.

The stablehand they have following us is really not very good at this. The vendor across the street is looking at him askance for standing there so long.

Hanled thinks I should go into hiding. Some of Hopwil's friends at the tower are the weave-first-and-ask-questions-later kinda guys, and he's really frightened for me.

Flowers acquired. The kid is still following us.

It is way harder to find a locksmith than it was to find a florist. (We've passed seven of those so far.)

I can't tell if my heart is racing because I might be a murder suspect, or because Hanled put his hand on my shoulder.

Light, what is happening right now?

Finally found a locksmith. Naris is less than impressed with his lockbox designs, but thinks the craftsmanship is otherwise sound.

I ... think I need some air.

Hanled needs to get back to the Black Tower before anyone notices he's missing. He will ask the M'hael's permission to see if he can work out a schedule for continuing my lessons. Won't be possible until I'm not being followed out of the palace, though.

We gave him the bouquet. Told him he can give it to Eben Hopwil's family, assuming anyone knows how to find them.

Good. The stablehand is following us rather than Hanled.

We've run that poor stablehand all over Caemlyn, lol. Naris has tons of things she wants to pick up.

I've gotten too used to living in the barracks with nothing but the coat on my back, I guess. I don't even care about all this girly stuff anymore.

I did buy a comb.

Man, Naris is one sharp cookie. We came out of the milliner's shop and caught that stablehand right there peering in. Naris goes, "Hey, don't you work at the palace, too?" and recruited him to carry all her stuff.

This also saves us from having to ask directions back to the palace.

I haven't had this much free time on my hands since ... well before leaving Shienar for sure.

Can't practice the sword. Can't work on my weaves. (Shouldn't, anyway.) Naris and I traded stories for a while but she started to go hoarse so we quit.

Bored bored bored bored bored.

Screw it; I'm gonna go see if Essande needs some help counting buttons or something. If I don't find something to do, I'll soon be madder than I already am.

Essande is taking her midday nap, but the First Maid found me some blankets to take to the laundry.

Hey, a library. I always wanted to read a book or two.

What do you think the odds are they'd let me borrow one of those?

Whoops. There's an Aes Sedai in there.

Just gonna ... slip out before she sees me.

Phew.

So we made our first report for Taim today. Naris wrote it because my handwriting is garbage.

It was hard deciding what to put in. I worried that she would want to tell him everything, but she mistrusts Taim as much as I do. Half the reason she volunteered for this was because Venson didn't feel that the Black Tower was a safe place with him in charge.

Turns out Naris was worried that I was one of Taim's flunkies and had been sent here to keep an eye on her. I did NOT tell her what I overheard, or that I'm trying to get in Taim's good graces so I can spy on him. I might be mad, but I'm not stupid.

What I did say was that Taim hinted that there might be a way to keep from going mad, and that I wasn't sure that mattered anymore after today.

So we have agreed that the only things which we pass on will be things that his other spies will definitely also catch.

We send nothing which endangers Lady Elayne or the city. Nothing a Darkfriend (I really hope he isn't one, but again - mad, not stupid) or an enemy could use against her or the Lord Dragon.

If we feel there's no way to avoid revealing something, we either delay it or mix in false information. Any of that I told Naris to attribute to me; I have a better excuse and I'm also less expendable.

Naris said I'm pretty smart for somebody so ignorant. 🙄

So I don't know how to fold a shirt. So what? It's not like I've ever owned more than three.

No news from the Black Tower today, though they definitely took our report. *sigh*

The temptation to channel is so strong. I know I've never actually HELD the Power, but I was just getting to the point where I could do useful stuff with it. I want to learn more and more.

At least Essande keeps me too busy most days to think about it.

Ugh, where did those rats even come from?

Light, they chewed up a tapestry, too. Mistress Harfor is going to have KITTENS.

Nope. After five days of this, I'm still a bundle of nerves whenever Lady Aviendha is in the room.

Lady Elayne keeps calling her "sister." I thought at first it was something formal, like how the Aes Sedai use it, but now I'm wondering if she means it literally?

I've changed my mind. The Lady Elayne is much more frightening than the Aielwoman when she's in a temper.

Inevitable instructions arrived this morning that we're to search the Lady Elayne's apartments for important documents, etc. Coming on the same day she's going to be out of the city, even.

I so do not feel comfortable with this.

Tried to take a look around, but Essande has kept us pretty busy so far. Probably best to try during her midday nap.

Going through these apartments with feather-dusters in hand, looking for anything that might be a hidden compartment or secret document repository. So far nothing. My money is on the boxroom anyway, but we don't have the key for that.

Lady Elayne goes into the boxroom daily, though I've never seen her put papers there. Mostly she just swaps out the knickknacks on the table in one of the sitting rooms. Apparently they're souvenirs from a state visit she made to Ebou Dar recently.

It's a pretty eclectic collection, though. I'm guessing they must have sentimental value or something because she'll pick one up and look at it wistfully and put it back down again.

My favorite is a statue of a man with a book. Something about him always makes me want to laugh.

Well, playtime is over. Essande is awake and raring to instruct us on the ever-important task of *drumroll* ironing pleats.

Since the Lady is out we can chat while working. Naris told Essande this (entirely fictional) anecdote about me falling into a river when I was little because I was chasing a lizard.

I'm not that glib, but I did add a bit about getting fished out by Tinkers.

Might need a nap myself in a minute. Too rainy and cold to open the windows but the air in here is getting stuffy. I keep yawning.

All right, I'm willing to admit that I miss Hanled. Maaaaybe more than just a little.

Feels like he's asleep right now.

Why is everyone running around and shouting like the palace is on fire?

It's not, is it?

Oh. There's an assault on the outer walls. I guess I shouldn't have expected them to sit around forever.

Thinking about what's going on out there right now and my hands are shaking. Light, I thought I'd gotten over Dumai's Wells.

Lady Elayne just got back, which would normally mean bath time, but she barely even stopped in her apartments before heading to the map room. I guess we're superfluous today.

Hah, should have known better. We still have to clean everything she took with her (except for what she's wearing right now, which will undoubtedly be the worst of the lot by the end of today.)

Ever wonder why it takes three people to take care of a Lady's wardrobe? It's because all those fancy fabrics can't just be washed with water. Some of them will shrink, or discolor, or scrubbing too hard will break off your seed pearls or fancy firedrops.

Dressing like a noble is more hassle than it's worth, IMHO.

Essande doesn't want to leave us alone in here while she naps in case the Lady finishes in the map room and needs her, so we're watching the door while she takes a nap in the sitting room. 😆

Old lady nap accomplished. I feel like we got away with something forbidden, lol. Like snitching pies on Sunday.

Now that is a woman who looks like she has earned her bath time.

Actually I'm half worried she'll fall asleep before she's clean.

Good news is, the armies outside didn't so much as breach the outer wall.

Bad news is, they'll probably try again tomorrow.

I know it's weird for a Borderlander to cheer on a particular contender for Southland throne, but the Lady Elayne is pretty easy to root for.

When she's not suffering from one of her mood swings.

(I'm of the opinion that she doesn't look pregnant at all, but after having been immediately adjacent to the receiving end of that temper, I'm now a believer.)

Hanled's in the city again. He better not have opened a gate where anyone could see him.

He's definitely headed this way. Naris says she'll cover for me if anyone needs me.

Now how to get out of the palace?

Getting out wasn't too hard. One of the guardsmen asked if I wanted an escort, which reminded me how rife with crime everyone says Southlander cities are. I told him I wasn't going far and thought I would be all right.

I haven't been this giddy since I was twelve. What is even happening to me?

It's impossible to give someone a hard time for being reckless and breaking the rules when they can tell how happy you are to see them. >_>

Now we're strolling arm in arm, like lovers. Because it's less conspicuous, that's why.

And as hard as I'm blushing from some of Tinya's suggestions, it would look suspicious if we WEREN'T.

He won't tell me where we're going. :P

Aaaaand it's a creepy, abandoned warehouse. Of course it is.

I guess as places to hide the flash of a gateway go, it's not a bad pick.

Yay, we're headed out of the city to practice weaves. :D

So dark, wherever here is. What's that smell? It's like ... a little bit like fish? And salt.

And there's a sound, like rushing water, but rhythmic. Waxing and waning.

Wait, is that the OCEAN??

Oh my gosh, the ocean. I never thought I'd see it.

It's so empty. And huge all at the same time.

There isn't a lantern or campfire to be seen the whole length of that beach. This must be the loneliest spot in the world.

No better place for blowing up rocks.

He brought my coat! :D Oh, I've missed this coat!

Take that, rocks! This is how a Dedicated from the Black Tower fights!

Light, I needed that. Been so long since I could let off some steam like this.

Ok, fun's over, now down to business. I've got a lot to catch up on before I can feel like I've properly earned this sword pin.

Tinya knock it off; I'm concentrating.

Hanled is making me see how many weaves I can maintain at once.

I foretell that I will sleep VERY WELL tonight.

I'm getting a lot better at letting my weaves go safely, without any backlash.

Hmm. I wonder how big a wave I could make?

Well, that was ... less than impressive.

Aww come on, Hanled. You didn't really think you could take me to the ocean for the first time in my life and then expect me to stay out of the water?

(I'm only wading, really. It would be hard to explain how I got saltwater on my dress when Caemlyn is hundreds of leagues from the sea.)

Alas, neither of us can simply sleep in whenever we want to, so tonight's training is at an end. Hanled intends to come again 3 days from now if he can manage it.

I made him promise to bring Naris a letter from Venson, too.

That's clever. Hanled opened a tiny gate to peek through and make sure the warehouse is still empty before going through.

I'm taking my coat back to the palace with me. I know I can't wear it but it makes me feel better to have it close.

I let Hanled walk me back to the palace. Yes I could take care of myself but even footpads gossip to someone.

Way to spoil the moment, Tinya. 😑

*sigh* There he goes. How am I going to get through the next three days without going crazy?

Er, more crazy.

Yikes, I did not expect the Captain-General to still be awake.

Please don't ask what's in this bundle. Pleasepleaseplease.

All that straight-face training did the trick. I did have to promise not to go out at night without an escort in the future.

Not sure why everyone keeps saying she's Kandori. Her accent's all wrong.

Recited the Asha'man creed with my hand on my coat this morning. It's not the same, but I've been forgetting to do it so it's an improvement over the last few days.

Naris was very jealous that I got to see the ocean and will demand Venson take her there the next time she sees him.

I did give her some of the shells I found.

Sounds like there's another assault on the walls already this morning.

Half of me wants to go out there and put the fear of the Light into that army.

The other half knows better than to piss off Taim.

Really, though, I thought Andor was allied with the Dragon Reborn? Why can't she ask him to take care of this pesky rebellion for her?

I would ask, but I don't trust myself to talk about the Black Tower with the appropriate amount of "men who channel are scary," and "I'm totally not an Asha'man, I swear," in my voice.

I knew that dress from yesterday would be more than an hour of work. 🙄 At least it's just a riding dress. Not one of those fancy sapphire-covered numbers.

It's too bad I can't just channel it clean. >_>

Oh, we did get instructions this morning. I've been given permission to try unlocking the boxroom with saidin.

Not sure how many days I can put off actually trying it, but the Lady isn't planning to leave the city now that the fighting has started, so that will help.

Oh gee, I accidentally spent all of Essande's nap time getting lost in the palace. Better luck next time, right? 😏

Thought for sure the fighting at the walls must have died down, but nope. Everyone's just tired of running around in a panic every time it happens.

Under siege is the new normal.

Really though I dunno what those ninnies outside the gate think they're doing, starting a war with their fellow Andorans while Tarmon Gai'don is breathing down our necks.

Uh oh. Essande just handed me the keys to the boxroom and asked me to fetch something from it.

Not as dusty as I expected.

More panniers full of trinkets from Ebou Dar. Knew about those.

Couple crates full of fabric ... the room's summer decor, I'm thinking. Nothing hidden there.

And found the box I was looking for. Nothing interesting in here either.

Guess that was a dead end.

(Just wait. Next I'll get orders to search for hidden compartments in the boxroom.)

Rain HAS dampened the fighting a bit. Good for all concerned, as we're apparently outnumbered in here. Well, as far as fighting men are go. Lot of mercenaries on both sides, is the buzz.

Oh goodie, it's air-out-everything-and-check-for-moth-holes day.

Not hard, just tedious. And have to make sure Aviendha's dresses (she got fancied up by the Queen of Ebou Dar, apparently) don't get put with Lady Elayne's by accident.

Holy cow that's a lot of jewelry.

Ok then. While the dresses air out, Essande is going to teach us coiffure. Naris is up first.

By which I mean, she gets to do my hair up in these things. O_O

First thoughts: If anyone ever grants me a title of nobility, I am running for the hills first thing.

Ain't no way I could sit still for this long every day.

Trying to visualize the sword forms I haven't practiced in like a week, but I keep twitching my fingers and getting slapped with Essande's fan.

It's weird having all my hair off my neck. So drafty.

Also, these gems are HEAVY. No wonder nobles are so stiff all the time; I'd get a kink in my neck too if I wore this every day.

If my aunt could see me now, she'd say I was putting on airs for sure. 😆

My turn will be after lunch, assuming we're not needed before then.

All right, here goes nothing.

Wait, uh ... no, that can't be right.

Tinya, that is so not helping.

Argh, how does anybody do this with only two hands?

Hey, I think I got it!

No, wait. Hang on.

Nope. Starting over from scratch. T_T

Um, well it's staying up, but that's the best I can say about it.

As if Tinya weren't bad enough, now Naris is laughing at me too.

After careful consideration, Essande has decided that I won't be touching the Lady's hair for the time being. :P

Probably for the best.

Holy ... how in the Light did all these flies get inside the Lady's apartments??

I was so freaked out, I swatted them with Air before thinking. Thankfully, Essande wasn't through the door yet.

She says we have to clean EVERYTHING. Not gonna argue with her.

Hah, even better. She's calling in a mob of servants to clean most of it. Naris and I are in charge of the things most likely to get stolen, i.e. the jewelry casket and the Lady's knickknacks. We'll have to do the bejeweled dresses after the rest is done.

She made sure we understood that if anything goes missing, it's our fault.

I'll do the knickknacks, I guess.

Have already had to fend off three people who wanted to help with these. Sorry, dudes, my reputation is on the line here.

Yeowch! One of the little statues sent a shock up my arm when I touched it!

Didn't shock me the second time, but THE TER'ANGREAL IN MY POCKET IS BUZZING.

I think this statue has something to do with saidin. O_O

Play it cool, play it cool; there are a dozen people in here right now. 😬

Ok, they're done. Now what?

I can't keep this little statue with me, or Essande will know who took it.

Ooh, I've got an idea. I will slip it under the edge of this couch here, as if it rolled there, and see whether anyone notices that it's missing. I mean, there are so many things here, it's easy to overlook one, right?

And it's not like it's made of gold or anything valuable, like some of these are. It's just a hand-high thing made of polished wood. Not really any definable shape - just whimsical, thumb-thick loops meeting at a circular base.

Do you think the rest of these might have something to do with the Power, too??

If only Hanled were coming tonight so I could ask him about this. :/

Whatever he's doing today, they're working him hard. Maybe working on that wall around the village.

You know, I really ought to have paid attention to these "knickknacks" before, because some of them are really obviously not made of materials I can identify. There's one that's actually hard to look at, it's such a strange design.

None of the rest did anything strange when I picked them up, though. the Lady is an Aes Sedai after all; most of these are probably attuned to saidar.

Anyway, we have dresses to clean now. :P Probably be at it for days.

I really really really want to go practice in the training yard. So antsy. If only I could get that Mask of Mirrors weave to work without Hanled.

That's probably low-profile enough to practice in my room, right?

...Nobody tell Naris on me, please.

Lady Elayne swapped out her collection like she does most mornings, but didn't notice that the twisty carving was missing.

Going to leave it where it is until tonight anyway. No need to have it on my person until I'm leaving to meet Hanled.

Half the guards look like they want to fall asleep at their posts. Apparently there was a fire near the granary last night.

Clapped my hands to wake one up, and he thanked me, lol. For sure if Mistress Harfor or the Captain-General catch them at it, they could get demoted.

Probably not fired, at a time like this. They've got boys and old geezers in uniform right now.

Another day of cleaning dresses that are probably clean anyway. While trying not to glance toward the sitting room.

Haven't even told Naris about the carving yet. Couldn't get a word in last night, and she was already gone when I got up this morning.

Hopefully I'll get a chance before she decides to clean under there or something.

Can this day end already? I want to go train with Hanled!

Huh. Just heard a bunch of guardsmen singing an anthem.

"Forward the Lion, roar defiance at the Shadow."

I like that. Maybe these Andorans aren't too bad after all.

Come to think of it, the Lord Dragon is Andoran, or so they say.

They also say that he's Aiel, but having seen him in person I can understand why they'd think that.

Some particularly bad injuries coming in. They've drafted everyone who's not busy to help with bandages.

That motherless son of a goat just goosed me! If he didn't have so many knots of rank on his shoulder, I'd blacken his eye for him.

Wait, THAT'S the guy everyone says is Lady Elayne's lover?

I though for sure she had better taste than that! 😬

Lady Elayne is STILL in the map room directing the battle on the walls.

Come on, people. Haven't you done enough fighting for today?

I feel so cut off from everything right now. I'm supposed to be here so I can figure out what Taim is up to, but if I never get back to the Black Tower, what good will all of this do anyone?

Sorry, didn't mean to get all discouraged there. Just really feeling the press of time today.

They FINALLY pulled back for the night. Or seem to have, anyway. Our soldiers are coming and going through gateways, which is really clever, actually. The next best thing to being in two places at once.

I still haven't worked out how these Kin fit in with everyone else. They seem to defer to the Aes Sedai, but Lady Elayne is the only one of those I've actually seen make a gateway.

Then again, the Kin seem to work in pairs or trios. Maybe they're doing that linking thing that only women can do.

That was the fastest bath in history. Everybody is as eager as I am for today to be done.

Well, most of today.

Collected the twisted carving without drawing attention. Keeping it in the opposite pocket from my ter'angreal, which is buzzing faintly again.

Had to hand off the thing to Naris, because the buzzing got so loud. She gave me this wide-eyed look, like she thought I was stealing.

I guess I did steal, it actually. But I mean, I could always put it back later.

Not sure if I will, but I could.

Hah. The look on her face when I told her it was attuned to saidin.

I imagine that's what I looked like when Hanled wanted me to channel that first time.

He's here! :D

Ooh, he's not the only one. Looks like Venson came with.

Don't mind us, mister gate guard. Just a couple of helpless ladies' maids waiting for our escort so we can brave the big, bad Southlander city in the dark.

Wow, that was a little bit of a shock. Hanled and Venson showed up wearing my brothers' faces.

It's smart of them, really. Some of these gate guards might have been to the Black Tower, and it wouldn't be at all good if they were recognized.

But showing up as strangers might have looked suspicious for anyone watching us try to pinpoint them with the bond.

Hah. Hanled's wearing his black coat under that illusion. I can tell by the texture.

Great; Venson thinks we're being followed. By somebody competent this time; he says he wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't been holding saidin.

Whoever it is is too good to shake without being obvious about it. Hanled suggested we walk out the city gates, forgetting there's an army out there.

(I suppose he can be forgiven for that. He didn't spend all afternoon washing bloodied bandages.)

We figured out a compromise. I won't be able to practice any weaves tonight, but Naris and Venson can still spend some time together.

Naris knows of an inn that shut down when the innkeeper disappeared, but was reopened to house some of the refugees from the outer city. It's called the Queen's Blessing, so that seems auspicious. Supposedly there's some new kind of entertainment happening there.

Hanled is oddly resistant to the idea. In fact, he's been a bit standoffish in general tonight, but he won't tell me what's bothering him.

Wow, the place is bustling. Little hope of a private room, but I think we can squeeze in at a table.

I keep forgetting I have actual money now.

Wow. So Hanled is convinced that this twisted carving is an angreal. He figures it will let him hold almost twice the power he can hold normally. It wouldn't let him to toe-to-toe with someone like Logain or the M'hael, but he could match Mishraile, easy.

Can't say much for the food here. Tastes a little bit off.

Looks like Venson is a hardcore Logain supporter. I'm trying to convince him that we can't wait for news from a guy who hasn't been seen in half a month. We've got to be making our own plans.

Venson is also very weirded out by the fact that I'm an honest to goodness woman. I mean, I wasn't about to lie after Naris told him we were sharing a room. That's not a good idea even when you can be completely sure of a man's sanity.

Hanled seems to think he's keeping the angreal. Uh, no. I have better uses for this thing. Like getting into Taim's good graces, which was the whole point of this stupid spy thing.

Venson is taking his side. I don't believe this.

I had to threaten to tell Taim he'd been sneaking out before he would give it back.

Then he stormed out.

The entertainment is starting finally, but I just feel sick to my stomach.

At least Naris and Venson are enjoying themselves. :/

Naris thinks Hanled will get over it eventually, but she can't feel the cold fury coming through the bond right now.

What if he never forgives me? What if I've broken our friendship beyond repair?

I have a feeling I'm not going to get any sleep tonight.

He's still angry. T_T

I'm a wreck this morning, not gonna lie. Naris told Essande I'd eaten something that disagreed with me last night and got me off work, at least for the morning.

Maybe Naris is the one who should be worming her way into Taim's good graces. She so much more glib than I am.

Maybe I'll just give her the angreal and the ter'angreal both and slink back to Shienar.

Argh, except I can't even leave the city without Hanled's help.

I didn't mention the angreal in yesterday's report. I couldn't - not until I can convince Hanled it's the only way forward.

I wonder if I could use this angreal to amplify what my ter'angreal can draw. If I could channel enough of the Power to make a gateway myself....

LIGHT, THAT WAS TERRIFYING.

It worked, for just a moment. Is that what it feels like to actually grasp saidin?? For that moment it was like wrestling a raging mountain of fire, and then both the angreal and ter'angreal started shaking so badly I had to drop them.

I think if I hadn't managed to let go, they both would have melted.

And probably taken me with them.

I don't think I've been that terrified since that very first day, with the garbage monster. Not even at the Wells.

There was a brief spike of concern from Hanled there before he went back to his angry sulk. Fine, be that way.

Maybe I did something wrong. Maybe if I ask one of the Aes Sedai ... but how to do it without tipping my hand?

Under the guise of "feeling ill," I have tracked down one of the Aes Sedai. Careane Sedai, I think her name is.

Left both of the ... items ... in my room. Better safe than sorry.

Well I won't be doing that again anytime soon.

I phrased my question as if I was relaying something I'd heard second-hand, about an Aes Sedai who tried to use an angreal to boost the effect of a ter'angreal and almost burned herself out.

After grilling me quite thoroughly for further details (I pretended I didn't know any; it wasn't hard), she admitted that when two objects of the power have a similar function, they can often interfere with one another.

Then she chewed me out for wasting her time and told me flat out that it was pointless for me to even go to the White Tower, since I obviously couldn't channel a lick.

I don't even want to become an Aes Sedai, thank you very much.

The real bad news, though, is that this angreal is useless to me. Disappointed, but not surprised.

Tinya is being an absolute pain in the neck today. -_-

You would think that rain would dampen the enemy soldiers' enthusiasm, but if it is, I sure can't tell.

All right, I'd better get out of the rain before I really do end up sick.

Maybe this is the life I deserve. Invisible, clinging to the wall in the fragile hope that someone will need me for more than a moment.

Tinya thinks I'm full of it. At least listening to her prattle on is something to do while I stand here.

Um, so this is ... potentially not good.

Hanled is still angry - like punching stuff angry, feels like - and he just gated into the city.

What should I do??

He's hovering outside the gates, but I'm too scared to go out to meet him.

He's gone home now....

At least Hanled has downgraded from furious to moping/worried.

I keep wondering what he came to talk about last night. Should I have gone out to see him? I mean, maybe he wasn't angry at me, per se....

I keep getting distracted by Tinya and making stupid mistakes today.

Light, and here I thought I was just going crazier.

Yesterday I saw this Lady in fancy clothing in the halls, and when I curtsied she vanished. Turns out I'm not the only one it's been happening to.

(And yes, while I theoretically am not supposed to get any crazier now that saidin is clean, that doesn't mean I completely understand my current madness.)

Fun. Admitting that I'd seen them too has gotten me added to the "crazy club." Well, we'll be vindicated when the others start seeing ghosts of their own.

ANOTHER sortie? Oy.

He's here. Sort of expected he would be. Hard to say exactly what he's feeling; it's a jumble, and not much of it good.

Against my better judgement, I'm going out to him.

Hmph. Apparently he gave the guards a hard time last night. Had to talk them down before they would let me leave with him.

I still don't think they would have if he weren't disguised as my brother again.

We're walking. In silence. Whatever he has to say, he won't say it in front of strangers.

Nuh-uh. Not stepping through that gateway until he explains himself. This is private enough, in my opinion.

Yikes. Maybe I can forgive him for being so angry last night.

Venson spilled the beans about my being a woman. Apparently two of Eben Hopwil's friends vanished yesterday after talking to him, and he admitted making the slip in front of them.

Everyone else who heard him thought Venson had taken a slight turn around the bend, if you know what I mean, but those two are out for blood.

They could be in Caemlyn right now, looking for me.

Venson doesn't think he mentioned anything about the palace, so there's that. Still, maybe we should step through that gateway after all....

Not the beach this time. Somewhere forested.

Light, I know this place. It's just down the road from ... yes, I see the village lights already.

I made Hanled promise he wasn't planning to leave me here. He was a bit shifty at first, but I'm fairly confident he'll keep his word.

So, we're headed to my house first, I guess.

I'd forgotten how quiet home was compared to Caemlyn. Or even the Black Tower, with the dogs barking at each other all night long.

Looks like someone's awake. That's surprising; most days they're all asleep by now.

Oh man, the look on my mother's face ... I feel like such a heel for making her cry like this.

And now everyone's awake.

It's not Hanled's fault, mom. Geez. He can't even get a word in edgewise.

Tinya ... the real Tinya ... just tackle-hugged me outta nowhere. What's she even doing here after dark?

Ahh ... she's my sister-in-law now. Her mother thought she needed settling down and forced the issue soon after she got back.

So, congrats, I guess?

Nobody believes that I'm a maid in the Caemlyn palace. I ... think I just won't mention whose maid I am right yet.

And now they've remembered what Hanled is. I think maybe it's time to leave.

They tried to keep me from leaving with him. I knew they would.

I couldn't tell her I'm an Asha'man too. They would think I was delusional, which ... ok, I really gotta stop doing that to myself.

Anyway, I told my mother I was going with Hanled because I loved him.

It just sort of came out. Did I mean it? I'm not even sure. But it startled them enough that we were out and gone through a gateway before they could stop me.

So, now we're at the beach again.

Alone.

And Hanled heard that. Yup. He very much did.

Hoo, boy.

I asked Hanled why he decided to bond me. He says that he "cares about" me, but we both know there's more to it than that.

Even now I can feel him trying to suppress some deeper feeling when he looks at me. We've both been pretending it isn't there.

Light, now he's angry again.

He says, "I can't let myself fall for you, because you're crazy."

That hurts. It really does.

It's probably a good thing nobody's around to hear me shouting at him right now.

Correction: nobody around to hear US shout at EACH OTHER.

That ... actually felt good to get it all out in the open.

I feel like I might understand why Saldaeans consider shouting at each other to be part of a healthy relationship.

(It's still weird though. Sorry.)

He acknowledges that it's his fault I'm ... scarred ... from wielding saidin. It burns him up inside; he can't hide that.

There's guilt there, a big fat heaping pile of it.

It's more than that, though. He's afraid because I spent my whole life telling him how much I hated him (he really was a pain in the ... you know), and it wasn't until after I started hearing voices that any of that changed.

In short, he thinks I only like him BECAUSE I'm crazy.

I told him he was a woolheaded idiot, of course.

I mean, seriously. Tinya still hates his guts.

He apologized for coming last night while he was angry. He realized he was scaring me but didn't tone it down.

Yes, he was still angry at me over the angreal. He still thinks it's a stupid idea to give it to Taim. But he was also worried that in my madness I might be having trouble seeing the line I was about to cross. That I might actually be drifting to the other side.

I would have slapped him for that one, but then I realized he was right. I did start distancing myself from Logain's people at Tinya's behest.

So maybe he was a tiny bit justified in that one.

After that, I sort of gave him an ultimatum. I said, he's the only one who knows exactly how mad I am. Because of this bond, he can tell when I'm lucid and when I'm not. He's the only one who can keep me from doing something the old me wouldn't condone.

So if he's not going to step up and take that responsibility, he needs to let me go. Not just the bond, but all of it. The checking in on me, the late night lessons ... I can't do it if I know that he'll never completely trust me.

He says he'll give it some thought.

Light, why does life have to be so complicated?

I'm lying on the sand staring up at the stars, wondering if this will be the last time we ever come here. Hanled hasn't said a word since then. I have no idea what he'll decide.

All right; it's time to go home.

He didn't say anything at all until we were almost to the gates. He reminded me to watch out for those two Dedicated, then leaned close and said that he would forgive me if I decided to give the angreal to Taim.

I wish.....

No. It's better not to wish too hard.

Goodnight.

Super paranoid right now. Keeping my ter'angreal on me at all times.

Hard to feel like we're being useful when the news is the same every day. "3 more attacks on the walls. 2 fires put out. Rats everywhere."

Kind of wish I could see what the healing weave they're using on the soldiers looks like. I know the one for saidar won't do me any good, but still.

All right, we're doing this. A note is in the box explaining that I've found an angreal and want to deliver it in person. (Because for real, I have no idea who is checking for the messages each morning.)

Hanled did not visit tonight, which is probably good because I don't want him getting caught. His emotions are still muddled, but I'm taking strength from the thread of determination he's projecting at me.

That's a first. A new message came in just an hour after the first one. Looks like I got someone's attention.

Hmm. I'm supposed to meet Mishraile in the spot we gated into the city at. How am I supposed to remember where that is??

Oh wait, hah. There's instructions. #ReadTheLastPageGenius

Guess it's time to see whether Essande still believes everything I tell her.

It was way easier than I expected to get the day off.

Miiiiight have something to do with that tray I spilled yesterday.

Bringing my coat so I can change into it at some point. The sooner the better, if I'm going to be.... Oh wait. No pants. Guess I'll need to stop by the barracks for those.

There's the alleyway ... they've put that cart back into it. No sign of Mishraile yet.

Reminds me of the good old days, hiding from Mistress Mudsel in the back of old man Korati's cart. Though usually it had a lot more hay than this one does.

There he is.

Oh, no, buster. I'm not handing this over to you. Take me to the M'hael.

(No but really take me to the barracks first.)

How is it that I can simultaneously miss wearing these breeches and also feel half-naked in them?

Breeches: check.
Black coat: check.
Sword pin on the collar: Heck yeah!

Time to go meet The Man.

Oh, hi Hanled. Fancy meeting you here.

No no no, don't walk away. Pretend this is the first time seeing me in half a month.

There you go. That's better.

Fist bump, and break. That looked natural, didn't it?

Oh, hi Fian.

Eff off.

I've clearly been walking small for too long.

That's right, Mishraile; I made you wait. I'm not afraid of you anymore.

Your boss, on the other hand ... deep breaths, Ashalyn.

The M'hael is impressed. Wasn't sure it was the real deal until I handed it over.

Had to explain where I got it from ... and stress that it was unlikely I'd be able to take anything else without the Lady Elayne noticing.

Taim isn't TOO disappointed, because ter'angreal he doesn't know the use for are pretty useless. He'd love to deny her access to them, but based on my description of her wistful glances, she doesn't know what any of them do either.

Note to self: Taim does not like the Lady and does NOT have her best interests in mind.

Whoa, that was a shock. Taim gave the angreal back to me. Said he trusts that I will use it to "further the cause of the Black Tower."

I guess I can give it to Hanled after all....

Wait. That calculated smirk tells me there's something wrong here.

Could it be he knows I can't use it?

Light, he almost smiled when I told him I'd tried to use it already. He DID know.

Now he's giving it to Mishraile. Questioning my life choices in three ... two....

I'm to be granted "special lessons," whatever that means. He said to wait outside until he's ready for me.

Bunch of other guys coming in. Two or three dozen. Every one of them are Taim's toad-eaters.

This is lovely company I've gathered myself with.

Folks smirking at me like they know something I don't. Whatever these special lessons are, they've had them before.

I should run. I should get out right now, before I get in any deeper.

Hanled's out there, feeling my fear and sending back a wave of courage. I can do this. I'll stay the course. For the Light, and the Dragon Reborn.

The M'hael is back. Apparently he doesn't attend most of these personally?

We're going into the "training space." Some kid's having me on about time passing more slowly in there. Yeah right, like even Taim could--

LIGHT WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

It's like my connection to Hanled just VANISHED!

No ... no he's still there. But he's like a memory of an echo of a whisper.

This is terrifying. How far apart would we have to be to feel like this?

All right, lesson's starting. Seems pretty normal so far.

Taim's taken me into a smaller space by ourselves. He knows I can't channel the normal way; I guess he doesn't want the others to see.

I should be frightened that I'm a woman, alone in a room with a man who is definitely much bigger and stronger than me and who I definitely don't trust.

I'm not. I'm frightened for completely unrelated reasons.

Light, he's a harsh teacher.

I'm sorry I called you a slave driver, Hanled. I didn't know what true torment was.

Time for lunch. Phew.

And back at it. I'll never be quick enough to satisfy the M'hael. And every bungled weave is another bruise on my back.

Please can't we take a break now.

Phew. I have a few minutes to breathe while the M'hael looks in on the other students.

That break was way too short.

Please just let me die now.

Isn't it time to quit yet?

It's impossible to tell. There's no clocks, not one glimpse of sunlight.

Finally time for dinner. I've never been worked so hard IN MY LIFE.

No beds here, just pallets on the floor of the big room. Too exhausted to care.

Woke up to someone kicking me. Didn't see who.

Whatever. I'm probably bleeding internally and will die before morning. Going back to sleep anyway.

It can't possibly be morning yet.

At least they're starting the day with healing.

Actually, that's a bad sign. That means today is going to be just as bad as yesterday.

The heck? Jerk only pretended to heal me.

I'm getting some jealousy vibes that I didn't notice yesterday. Probably because I was alone with Taim for so long.

At least we got a hot breakfast.

The general feeling of competition and rivalry in here is toxic.

Light, I hope what they told us about time passing differently here is true, or else Essande is going to have my hide for not showing up this morning.

On the bright (?) side, Taim might not leave enough of my hide intact for her to have.

Made the mistake of mentioning that I didn't get healing this morning, and now Taim is punishing the guy. I'm sitting here trying not to show any sympathy while watching, but it hurts. So. Much.

Have settled on "vague discomfort" as my emotional mask, because there are plenty of others wearing it.

Probably worried that they'll be next.

I am getting better at this. Amazing what you can do when you have the proper motivation.

Still not good enough for Taim, though.

Time for sleep again. The guys are giving me more space than before. Might be the cold-eyed look I've been practicing.

I hope we're not here for much longer. I can feel the darkness seeping into me.

Ok, now I KNOW they're getting us up eye-bleeding early. If anything can be early or late without the sun to tell you how many days have passed.

The guys are all pretty scruffy after going so long without a shave, so I figured I'd better blend in.

I gotta tell you, I look VERY STRANGE with a five-o'clock shadow.

Taim has been teaching me what I guess is the perfect weave for a spy. It's basically mask of mirrors, but it's ... inverted, he calls it. Supposed to be invisible even to a man who can channel.

I've gotten zero comments/strange looks regarding it so far, so I guess it must be working?

Tinya thinks I look stupid. She has been getting more hateful and pessimistic every hour I've spent here.

OH THANK THE LIGHT. We can finally go home!

Taim commanded us not to speak of what we learned here with anyone who doesn't live in the "palace". Yadda yadda, those losers, whatever.

So good to be able to sense Hanled properly again. But you know what will feel even better?

A bath.

Ugh, my room is empty. Apparently they moved my things into the palace while I was gone.

Hiding in Hanled's room. He's still out training, but I don't want to go back to that horrible palace right now.

It's cleaner than I expected.

Light, I didn't mean to fall asleep. I'd better get out of here before....

Whoops. Too late.

Just as well, I guess. He wants to talk to me before I head out, and here is a better place than most.

He kept looking at me funny until I remembered the illusion weave on my face.

Told him all about the three days I spent in that room, training. He didn't believe me at first; it's still the afternoon of the day I went in.

Then I showed him how I can weave an inverted mask of mirrors without any help.

He believes me now.

He's always wondered why Taim's flunkies seem to pick up weaves quicker than everyone else, even when some of them are clearly morons. I guess we know.

Light, I did NOT want to start crying.

Well, that was embarrassing.

Even though we both knew it was a possibility, admitting that Mishraile ended up with the angreal really hurt.

Hanled said he would forgive me, and he's trying. So. Hard. But I think it's going to take some time.

Stood up to leave (I really do need to find some clean clothes), but Hanled stopped me. Said he'd made his decision, and wants to stick it out.

I'm glad. Regardless of what I said to him the other day, I can't do this alone. Just being around Taim and his goons ... I'm going to need something to fall back on, or that me who walks through Taim's palace will become the real me.

Then he kept going on about how it probably wasn't the best time to think about any romantic attraction we might have for each other, so I kissed him to make him shut up.

It worked.

He's still not a great kisser.

Then I left.

Because I mean, it's not like he isn't right. If we both make it through whatever Taim's planning, and then through the Last Battle, then we can make time for "us." Until then ... we'll just have to steal what moments we can.

Ugh, I hate this palace. Where are my rooms again?

Servants bobbing and curtsying left and right. I could get used to the tables turning here, if it weren't for the looks in their eyes.

Every one of them is either sly and smirking, or terrified.

Wow. I could fit my old room AND the one in Caemlyn into this one TWICE, and still have space left over. No wonder so many of the guys love Taim.

Yeah, I'm just gonna change my clothes and get out of here. This place will never feel like home.

I don't like it, but going to leave my coat here for cleaning. Can't risk it being seen by the washerwomen in Caemlyn, pin or no pin.

Mishraile isn't at the Traveling ground, but there's another guy here who knows the location. Took a minute to convince him to make a gateway there.

Uhoh. There's some guy hovering at the end of the alley. Did he see me come through the gate?

He looks kinda familiar. And ... hang on, I think there's someone behind m

Ow, my head.

...Where am I, exactly?

Can't see anything, but my hands are bound in front of me. Smells like a closet?

I should be panicking, but I'm too exhausted.

Uh-oh. My ter'angreal is missing.

Maybe I have a small dose of panic left.

Voices coming closer. A man and a woman, I think.

Tinya thinks I should pretend to still be out cold, but I'm not in the mood for any more pretense today.

That got their attention.

They dragged me out and set me on a chair. Something binding me to it.

Still can't see anything, but there's no blindfold on my face. Aes Sedai, or Asha'man?

Aes Sedai, but not a voice I recognize. She wants to know where that gateway I walked through led from.

I went ahead and told her.

Ow. She did not like that answer.

Part of me knows the words coming out of my mouth are probably not smart words, but I can't stop myself.

Gonna have to do worse than that, lady. I've been training with the M'hael all day.

OWWWW. OKAY OKAY, I GIVE.

Light. That must be similar to the weave Taim used on Mr. Didn't Want to Heal Me.

I know I've heard the man's voice before. Someone recent.

Hanlon, she called him. Doesn't ring a bell.

Mystery Aes Sedai is wondering why I'm taking this so calmly. I told her Mazrim Taim gave me worse just this morning.

Chesmal. He called her Chesmal. Didn't use the honorific though.

I'm pretty sure they plan to kill me. Somehow I can't dredge up any regret.

Well, not much. I still wanted to teach Hanled how to properly kiss someone.

I flat out admitted I was Taim's spy. It probably won't get back to the Lady Elayne though. This dude keeps referring to her as "that chit in the palace."

Maybe these folks are on Elaida's side of the split?

They want to know how I pass messages. I told them I could only send them through gateways made by an Asha'man. Not a lie.

I also said that I used the ter'angreal to let Taim know when I had something to send. I could HEAR them backing away from it.

Uh. They want to know if I will send a copy of my reports to them as well as Taim. They also want the low-down on the Black Tower itself.

Tinya told me to ask "how much." I listened to her, for a change.

We've agreed upon an amount, and a method of delivery.

I really hope this conversation isn't just a ruse intended to calm me down before they kill me. This guy seems pretty bloodthirsty.

Woke up back by the cart where I started. That wasn't all some sort of hallucination, was it?

Nope. My stuff is all in different pockets.

And there's a LOT more silver in here than I remember.

I really need to quit this whole spy gig. T_T

First order of business: write a report to Taim that his alleyway spot is compromised. And also I'm telling him about the Aes Sedai. He can figure out what to do about her. I don't care.

Second order of business: nap for a month.

Phew. Ok, nap is third. Change of clothes helped, but I haven't had a bath in three days, and I can smell my own stink.

Naris is never going to believe ANY of what happened to me today.

Really glad Naris came in and woke me from THAT nightmare.

She asked me all cheerful and stuff how my day went. I handed her the report I wrote for Taim (she'll usually rewrite them in better handwriting), and told her that was the least stressful thing I'd done today.

I didn't tell her about the slowed time thing. That's so farfetched that I barely believe it myself. I did say that Taim's teaching methods were even crueler and more effective than I expected.

The worst part? I still am no closer to finding out what Taim is up to. I might have his trust, but I don't have his ear. Not from here.

That ... could work. Naris suggests we tell Essande that our recently bereaved aunt would like one of us to keep her company two or three days a week.

We could make it the days Lady Aviendha is out with the Aiel. She doesn't usually let us dress her anyway, but Essande is very particular about that sort of thing.

I suggested we make it nights. Makes a better story, plus for realism Naris would have to take a turn and get some quality Venson time. It would also give me an excuse not to attend any of the "extra lessons" which are scheduled during the day. That would help my sanity a lot.

Yes, I do mean that literally. Shut up, Tinya.

Found the loose stone that Aes Sedai and her ... Warder? ... said to leave notes behind. It's on the palace grounds, which means they've already got a man on the inside. So, can't feed them too much false information.

I really want to talk to the Aes Sedai in the palace about this, but after that fiasco with Careane Sedai, I'm not convinced I should.

Also there's the high probability that if I blow the whistle on them, they'll do the same in kind.

Better hold off until it's safe to burn my bridges here.

Essande has given the go-ahead for one of us at a time to spend nights "in the city." If Taim approves our plan, we've asked him to send Venson tonight to collect Naris, since nobody over there knows Hanled and I are a thing (and I prefer to keep it that way).

Looks like it's a go. Venson is in the city and approaching.

Huh. This'll be the first time in weeks I've had a room to myself. (Excluding Tinya.)

Bye Naris. Bye Lady Aviendha. It's just me and Essande and the Lady tonight.

Watch me do something stupid.

Stupid like what, you ask? Well, there was the time I dropped her meal tray and had to go fetch a new one, and then time I grabbed the wrong tray and had to run back, and then once I got in trouble with the Captain-General for letting someone put wine on the tray.

Then there was the bathwater mix-up, which I'm pretty sure was orchestrated by the porter I smacked with a pumice stone that once, but I didn't actually get the brunt of that one somehow.

And oh, let's not forget the fiasco with the stablehand (the one who followed us that day?) trying to kiss Naris, and ha! Naris can't stop me from talking about it anymore because she's not heeeere!

Then there was the OTHER bathwater mixup, but nobody got in trouble for that one because oops! Cold water + thread of Fire = hot water. Who knew?

(I'm hoping the Lady Elayne never finds out I warmed her bathwater with saidin. I like my head where it is, thanks.)

No dinner tray OR bathwater mishaps. I did almost drop a towel in the tub but I don't think anybody noticed.

Bit rainy so the fighting stopped right before dark. Hearing some nasty stories about the fighting on the walls, but wasn't the worst day we've had by a long shot.

Will be a long while before I can weave mask of mirrors without remembering Taim's torture room.

Look at me: I'm Naris!

Now I'm Mazrim Taim.

...Yeah, that's way too creepy.

I'm Lady Elayne. So tall and blonde and perfect. Even my teeth are perfect - see?

And now Essande. Neat!

Wait, hang on ... gotta do the shoulder hunch thing. There we go.

Ok, enough fun and games. Now to practice weaving without being able to see the flows. (Because if I can see them, so can everyone else.)

Well, that's um ... there's room for improvement, I guess.

Whoops, almost forgot. Need to make sure that Aes Sedai didn't weave any finders on my stuff.

No way to tell if there are, of course. But I've been slicing weaves I can't see for weeks now.

Hopefully that got everything. Even did the coins in my pouch.

I actually learned the finder weave the other day. Er, yesterday technically. Doesn't do me any good, though. :/ Think you have to be able to actually sense saidin to use it.

Also have to practice using the ter'angreal when it isn't actually in my hand. It's easier there, but it only needs to be within a handspan of me to use it.

Not sure what to think of this morning's message. Came with a small bag I'm to hide behind that loose stone. Something metal inside. The note said I'm not to open the bag, because there's a finder in there which will attune itself to the first person who touches it.

I think I see what game the M'hael is playing, and I'm zero percent sure that he has any intention to secure my cover here in the meanwhile. I need a contingency plan.

Naris is back. Torn between giving her the head's up and letting her stay in blissful ignorance for a few more hours.

Nope. Not going to spoil her good mood.

I've got it. I'll make myself invisible and watch to see who picks it up. Then I'll have leverage of my own.

Invisibility, FYI, is just a different application of the mask of mirrors weave. You make it look like the spot you're standing in is empty.

It's a bit like those Warder cloaks, though. If you move around, you're way more obvious.

I need an excuse to be out of Essande's sight for ... I'm not even sure how many hours. Possibly a lot.

Ohhh, that's it. I'll tell her I've been asked to help wash bandages again. That's perfectly feasible since they've been fighting since before first light. Taking advantage of the dryer weather today, no doubt.

She bought it. Now I need to actually show my face down there in case she asks after me later.

Basket of bandages acquired. Bit crowded in this courtyard, isn't it folks? Maybe I'll just take mine over here....

Ooh, hang on. If I also grab a basin of water, I can actually work on them while I wait.

What? You didn't think I was some kind of layabout, did you? Waiting around is boring; would rather have something to do.

The walkway beside the drop point seems to be empty, but I'm not taking any chances. Don't need to be able to see what I'm doing for....

Whoa, that gust of wind was a lot ... gustier than I expected.

Pretty sure nobody is hiding around here. Have to be made of stone not to react to that.

Also, there's no windows overlooking the place. Probably why they picked it.

Ok, washing stuff behind those bushes, invisibility weave in place. Looks invisible from out here.

Little pouch in place. Now I'll just walk casually away, then creep back around to my washing, and ... there. Best I can do; hope it's good enough.

Startled a bird by touching a branch. Let's throw on a silencing weave as well.

Blocks sound both ways, unfortunately, but I have a clear line of sight to my target, so hopefully that's all I need.

Has anyone ever done laundry with saidin before? I mean, I'm not ruling out the possibility, but it seems pretty edge case.

Tinya, you about scared the living daylights out of me. Can you at least manifest on the other side of the sound barrier so I don't have to listen to you?

Yeah, I guess that was too much to ask.

She's wearing a black coat today. 🤨 "Well, since you're not going to," she says.

Well that was a mistake. Now all these bandages are clean already and I have nothing to do.

Guess I do still need to dry them....

Hmm. Well that's done.

Bored bored bored.

Boredom + Asha'man = not a good combination. So tempting to play with weaves while I wait.

Come on. I must have been sitting here for like an hour. Just check the wall already.

So hungry. Wish I'd thought to snitch something from the kitchens.

Pansies are edible, aren't they?

Taste isn't bad, but not very filling. I think I'll leave the gardens as they are for now.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? DOILIN freaking MELLAR is the spy??

The captain of Elayne's own bodyguard. Light!

Oh no no no no. That's why I recognized the voice of the man with Chesmal Sedai. That was him the WHOLE TIME.

I have to tell the Lady. But no - I can't. He'll give me away for sure if I squeal on him. Argh!

Ok, think. There has to be a way to discredit him without it coming back to me.

Oooh, I've got it. The servants' quarters are like a gossip mill. I'll just fabricate a rumor (Hallia told me that Kalland said, etc.) about him stealing from the royal coffers or something.

Whoops, almost forgot to take these clean bandages back.

Might as well do another batch, but in the main courtyard this time. The better to spread the seeds of my revenge.

Turns out, I hate lying.

Didn't stop me from doing it. Just stopped me from enjoying it.

Also, Tinya is a devious little weasel, and I blame her for half of the rumors I started today.

Guess I'm done washing bandages. Naris came out to get me.

Ok, that I did not need. Naris didn't come to find me because Essande wants me. She came because she just heard a rumor that there's an Asha'man masquerading as a palace servant.

I swear I haven't been channeling where anyone could....

Oh. That clever son of a goat. He did exactly the same thing to me that I just did to him.

Guess now is as good a time as any to warn Naris that we might need an exit strategy.

First things first. Mask of mirrors on the message box. Even if someone looks they won't find that.

Another weave on my ter'angreal, inverted and tied off, to make it look more like a childhood memento. Old and cracked and not as skillfully done.

Now, a signal for the men. Something to let them know we're in need of a gateway.

We'll go with a repeated pinch on one ear. That should be hard enough to ignore.

Not sure when we'll have a chance to relay that to them, but it's a work in progress.

Naris thinks three pinches for "come to the city" and five for directly to the palace. On a repeating pattern, in case they miscount the first time.

She wants two to mean "I love you." 🙄 Sure fine whatever.

Aww. All the calluses on my sword hand are softening after doing all that laundry. Going to have to build them up all over again. :P

(If I ever get out of this palace.)

Message from BT this morning says the Aes Sedai has been taken care of, and not to worry about leaving them messages. That was quick....

"Taken care of." I wonder if that means Taim had someone bond her?

Except Mellar/Hanlon is still puttering around the palace pinching bottoms. If he's really her Warder I would expect him to be rampaging his way to the Black Tower to rescue her.

Today's my turn to spend the night at the Tower (ferreting out Taim's secrets). My instructions are to wait at the palace gates for "someone familiar." Hmm, I wonder who that might be. 🤔

Anyway, that's hours from now. Plenty to do in the meanwhile.

Well it isn't Hanled waiting for me at the gate. Thought it might be Fian under that illusion of my brother, but it's actually Mishraile.

He did have Hanled set the weave.

Ugh, this gateway spot is even worse. I hate to share our abandoned warehouse location, but anyone could just look right down that and see us.

Ugh, looks like someone tried to start a fire here since we used it last. All kinds of burned timbers. Still, even less likely someone will wander in now.

I suspect they were aiming at the granaries a few blocks down. Been a lot of arsons near those.

Gave Mishraile a bit of a shock weaving mask of mirrors to change my clothes. Can't do much to alter my appearance without a mirror, but a bit of scruff isn't hard to invert now that I've had practice, and the coat is one of the first things I memorized.

Drat, my skirt shows through if I walk too fast.

Sorry Hanled, I'd love to chat but I'm here on a mission.

(And by chat I mean ... other things, but alas.)

Some kind of meeting scheduled for after dinner. Sounds promising.

I so hate this place. Gonna get out as soon as I'm actually changed into my coat.

Or not. 🙄 Waylaid by some of Taim's cronies. They want to know why I've been getting so much personal attention from him.

I told them I didn't expect it to last long, but I did find him an angreal last week.

They're impressed that I didn't keep it for myself.

I may have accidentally implied that there were more where it came from.

I now have three fawning sycophants catering to my every whim. But can I be trusted with this power?

I told them to get me up to speed on what Taim's been working on while I've been away. They are remarkably forthcoming.

Remind me not to leave anything important in my room when I'm not in it.

My, how the tables have turned. That "Mishraile" walking toward me feels an awful lot like a very smug Hanled.

He's got the barking orders thing down, too.

Ditched those losers at last.

Not much time before evening meal, so now that I've got Hanled alone in my room, there's only one thing to do: have him teach me the rest of the weaves I'm missing.

(You thought I was about to say something else, didn't you. Dirty, dirty minds.)

No but really though. Even if I can't weave a gateway, I'd like to know what the weave looks like. And there are some definite gaps I'd rather not ask Taim to help me fill.

Hanled is cool with the code we have established, and will pass it on to Venson.

Yiiiiiiikes. The weave for Healing is way more complicated than gateways. Probably not a thing I'll be duplicating anytime soon.

Plus it helps to "delve" someone first, and that's another of those things where you need to be able to sense saidin to actually use.

Since you're looking inside someone's body, and all.

Grr. The meeting is during sword practice. I wanted to get some swings in.

Hanled wanted to wait until I came back, but I'm afraid someone might notice he's missing. We set aside a corner of my room as a gateway spot, so he can come and go without risking me or any of my stuff.

Funny story: had a guy cut off his own hand by placing a gateway wrong.

He didn't think it was very funny though. Go figure.

WATCH WHERE YOU PUT YOUR GATES, PEOPLE.

What a colossal waste of time that was. Taim wasn't even here tonight.

He had Mishraile and a couple others stand in for him, and if there was anything incriminating, it was all couched in such vague language that even if I reported it to the Lord Dragon himself, he'd think I was being paranoid.

All right, maybe I can catch the tail end of sword practice, anyway.

Logain's people all looking at me askance. Trying not to take it personally.

At least my form hasn't slipped too badly from the lack of practice.

Curfew still applies to those living in Taim's palace, I see.

All right, let's see how effective this is. One, two, three.

Whoa, that was sudden. Maybe let's add in a confirmation signal. And might as well add something to indicate it's not a good time. Maybe one long pinch?

Maybe we could work out a sort of code using long pinches and short pinches, one pattern for each letter?

...Naw, there's no way I could remember something that complicated. Better to keep it simple.

All right, that's enough ear pinching. Starting to give myself a headache.

So where to tonight? The beach? The mountains? Ooh, I've always wanted to visit the Aiel Waste.

Oh. We're just staying here tonight. Ok, fine.

Ok, yeah. Turns out I'm a bit behind on current events.

Logain has reached the Lord Dragon and relayed our concerns, but with no result. Al'Thor "doesn't have time" to deal with it.

Light, that's a bit scary. Means we're on our own.

Ok, well it's not like I haven't been doing what I can there.

Hanled has joined himself more firmly to Logain's group, gotten himself in the loop properly. He says it's been easier without me around. By which I mean, he appears to be isolated and friendless, making him for some reason more trustworthy?

Conspiracy logic, I tell you.

Whoops, someone knocked on the door asking if I had a visitor. Nope, just talking to myself, thanks.

Time to practice this privacy weave some more.

I guess my main problem right now is a lack of direction. I don't know the right questions to ask because I've been gone for so long. Maybe Hanled could let Logain's people know he has a "man" on the inside and give me a list of topics to dig further on.

Better he doesn't tell anyone his source, though. Taim could have someone of his own spying on them the same way.

Enough business. Time for a lesson.

Sorry, forgot I was wearing illusory stubble again. Much less uncomfortable than the real thing, I would imagine.

One lesson duly administered. Now it's probably time to sleep.

In separate beds, thanks. These Southland ways haven't completely corrupted me yet.

All right, all right; one more lesson first.

(He IS getting better.)

No but really, where is Taim getting the money for silk sheets?

Ok, time to get my haughty on and head to breakfast.

Oh my gosh. Not even Lady Elayne eats like this. (Though to be fair her diet is pretty restricted right now.)

Honeycakes. Do you know how long it's been since I ate a honeycake?

Oh, haha. Apparently Andor celebrates Bel Tine a bit earlier than we do. That explains a thing.

Darn it, I didn't get Hanled a gift.

https://twitter.com/WOTHolidays/status/1242432476049559555

Although nobody in the palace mentioned yesterday was Winternight, so I guess I have time to get something for Naris.

It's time to test my boundaries.

I told Mishraile I had some shopping to do before I returned to the Caemlyn Palace, and wanted somebody to carry stuff for me.

Then I'm all, "How about Hanled? He's not doing anything useful anymore, is he?"

I thought for sure I had given myself away for a second, but then Mishraile gets this smirk and jokes about turning the tables. I guess he thinks it's funny to make my old teacher follow my orders.

Made sure to go to at least one wrong place looking for Hanled before finding him.

He was pretty surprised when I called him. Didn't fake any of the indignation when Mishraile backed me up, either.

He was putting on a hurt look, and I had to step on his foot before Mishraile saw it. Now he's angry, but I can't say anything until we're alone again.

Thought for a minute Mishraile was going to follow us until we left the Black Tower, but apparently Hanled was there to see the gate when Mishraile left to get me. Phew.

Now that we're private, I can apologize properly.

Whoops. Apparently Hanled was really looking forward to that lesson I pulled him away from. Another apology is in order.

Knew it. Nobody in the village got honeycakes, Bel Tine or no Bel Tine.

Ok, enough apologizing. Time to get to work.

Going to wear my dress I guess. Mask of mirrors until we leave the grounds, because this persona I have to wear loves to be seen in a position of authority.

Mask of mirrors on Hanled's coat & pin, because same, but also this is Caemlyn we're headed to.

One more apology kiss, in case I need to embarrass him again on our way out.

Now, surly face, Hanled. You're not going on a shopping holiday; you're being pulled away from your lessons and used for your muscles.

In retrospect, I suppose it was inevitable that the first sign of madness for me would be a personality fracture. I was already pretending to be someone I'm not. Now I've got 2 roles I have to play, and barely any time to be myself.

Sometimes I'm afraid I'll forget who the real me is.

All right. Goodbye Dolyn, goodbye Sephanie; it's time to be Ashalyn again for a few hours.

I asked a guy in Caemlyn when Winternight was for the city, and he said they're celebrating it tomorrow. So all the shops should be open. Yay!

Turns out I know absolutely nothing about what Hanled likes.

I guess we'll just have to spend a bit more time together then. 🤷‍♀️

Now we're playing "why I always hated you." It's ... revelatory.

Half of it, turns out, is Tinya (the actual one). I mean yeah, she does have some obnoxious traits. I guess as her best friend I'm better at ignoring them than most.

There were also a number of incidents between the two of them growing up that I of course heard only her version of. Hearing his side is sort of hilarious.

Anyway, Tinya's presence sort of set the tone for all of our interactions growing up. I'm not saying we would necessarily have been attracted to each other if she hadn't been in the picture, but there was a definite rivalry going on there.

That just boggled my mind. He used to have a crush on SUZA? I don't think there's a more vapid, empty-headed girl in the whole village.

"Sweet?" I guess. But only by virtue of the fact that she's too brainless to think up a proper insult. Being married to her would be like marrying a Foolday puffcake.

Now of course Hanled gets to rattle off all the flaws I never saw in Fian. I've got most of those figured out now, thanks.

Naris will be wondering where I am by now. At least the rest of my gifts are easy; I don't know anyone who hates honeycakes.

Ended up buying Hanled a book. I had to apologize for teasing him about reading so much back home. He bought me one too; I guess I'll read it.

He also found me a nice bracelet. Paid with my money, since he's broke, but I didn't exactly give him proper warning. Plus, I don't know what to do with most of this right now.

Alas, time to put on Sephanie again.

If you'd told me a month ago that I would be part of a clandestine mission to sneak honeycakes to the Daughter-Heir of Andor - past an aging maid and a female Captain-General - with the help of an Aielwoman, I would have put money on Taim slipping you some "tea" within the week.

Couldn't resist pinching twice. >_>

He did it back. :D

Pretty subdued Winternight at the palace, given the continuing attacks on the walls. Don't besiegers take holidays?

Bit chilly. The rain just turned back into snow. "Winter" night, amirite?

So much mud getting tracked through the halls. And guess who gets to clean it off My Lady's skirts?

(No really I have it easy compared to the people who actually clean the halls.)

I keep catching one of those Kin staring at me. It's starting to make me paranoid.

Maybe she's in cahoots with Mellar?

Practicing my disguise weaves again. Would be nice if I could get to the point where I can do all of them blind and inverted.

Inverting is actually a bit easier than using Hanled's weave to make the flows visible. And it's a one or the other thing really - no point inverting what even an ordinary person can see.

Maybe I ought to practice weaving rugs blindfolded. Seems like it would be easier. 🤔

Ok, enough mask of mirrors for tonight. Need to practice some of the other weaves I had Hanled show me the other day.

Like shielding. In case I run afoul of another Aes Sedai or something.

...It would probably be easier to tell whether I was doing this right if I had someone to practice on. :P

Well, I suppose it's just as well that my ter'angreal cannot shield itself from the source.

I can shield MYSELF from the source, for all the difference that makes. It doesn't stop me from using the ter'angreal though, which is interesting.

It's probably stupid to assume the ter'angreal itself can't be shielded, I'm thinking?

The heck is that noise in the hall?

Light, those rats have gotten bold, attacking one of the palace cats.

Poor kitty. Got a nasty bite before I fried those monsters. Now is when I wish I could manage that healing weave.

That creep Mellar cornered me on my way to deliver Lady Elayne's breakfast. Said to tell my "boss" he didn't like being watched.

I asked him whether he meant Essande or Mistress Harfor. Thanks to Tinya, I kept a completely straight face.

The look of confusion on his face was priceless. Now he's going to be wondering whether it was really me he talked to before, or someone disguised as me.

Best was, Mistress Harfor walked by at that exact moment and started chewing him out for harassing me.

I've revised my opinion that he's someone's Warder, FYI. I saw him "training" the Lady Elayne's bodyguards, and his form was so sloppy. I can't make myself believe a man could keep bad habits like that after training at the White Tower.

The enemy almost got a foothold inside the walls today, but the word is ordinary folk rallied from all over Caemlyn and held the breach. #TwitterOfTime

https://twitter.com/WiCnet/status/1242859520172449793

I always feel like I should be getting up to some kind of shenanigans when Naris is gone. ...Maybe I should check out the library again?

Hang on, I've already got that book Hanled picked out for me. Might as well crack it open.

This is ... actually kind of good.

I just fell asleep with my nose in a book. I might never live this down.

Practice weaves or read another chapter? Hmm.

Standing still, waiting for somebody to need me, and just about fell asleep on my feet. I ... may have stayed up a little too late practicing weaves.

I had to read for a while first, ok? I wanted to know what happened next!

I think I might actually be getting faster at reading stuff. That chapter blew by way too fast.

But going to sleep now because Tinya spent the whole day sharing her theories about how the book was going to end, and I do not need another day like that.

(Like for real; I would have been in stitches if I hadn't been waiting on the Lady. That was So. Hard.)

And I'm off to the Black Tower again.

I almost called it "home," but then I remembered that my room is in that dreadful palace of Taim's now.

Surprised that it seems to be Hanled who's coming to get me this time.

Nope, not even you can dampen my spirits with your gloomy attitude, Tinya.

Yup, called it. Mishraile thought he was being clever by sending Hanled to fetch me. I just hope Hanled grumped about it enough to be convincing. He's not as practiced at subterfuge as I've recently become.

It's at the same time refreshing and a little bit terrifying that Hanled knows exactly how I'm feeling, no matter what face I put on.

Sometimes I wish that we could spend our whole lives like this, strolling arm in arm with nothing to think about but each other.

Hmm. Way too many people in the street in front of our usual gating spot.

Doesn't look like a full-blown riot, but there's a commotion for sure.

Whatever it is isn't going away. We have to find some other spot to gate from.

Finally found a place - or we thought we had. Then a bunch of soldiers marched through to take care of that commotion, ordering everyone to go home.

We've got it sorted. Disguised ourselves as soldiers and marched right through, lol.

Mishraile not at all happy with the delay. I think I managed to convince him that I was giving Hanled the runaround. Hope he doesn't change his mind and send someone else next time.

Of course we're late for an evening training session with the M'hael. Ugh.

I wish I could see what Mishraile was doing when he opens up the way into this place where time flows differently.

I thought Taim would be angry that I was late, but that cold, empty look is worse. Way worse.

He wanted my report in person, of course. He's been ... less than satisfied with the intel we've been sharing via our letters.

More grilling about where the Lady Elayne keeps her ter'angreal cache. I mentioned that I thought she kept the boxroom warded, and that since only a handful of people were allowed near there, any missing items would quickly be attributed to us.

He wants me to pin the blame on Naris, but I reminded him we're posing as sisters, and housed together to boot. Unlikely either of us would keep our position if one were found to be a thief.

I told him I could take the whole cache if he's willing to lose further intel from the Lady Elayne's private rooms. His glare just about burned a hole in me, but he said no. Phew.

I asked about the Aes Sedai who caught me the other day. He said it's none of my concern.

Because I'm suicidal, I guess, I pressed the issue. I mean, Mellar knows my FACE. He could blow my cover at any time.

Taim admitted that he has opened dialogues with "one of her associates." I thought we were supposed to stay AWAY from Aes Sedai, but whatever.

He thinks I should HELP Mellar keep his cover? Light no.

Glad I could say honestly that I haven't mentioned Mellar or his Aes Sedai friend to any of the Sisters in the palace. I think Taim would have caught me in a lie.

Light, and now he's implying that there's a Black Ajah sister in the palace itself?

I almost thought Taim was going to spill his secrets there for a second, but now he's decided it's time for more of his lessons. Here we go again....

Much smaller group for this session than the last one. Only three of us are Dedicated. I know for a fact I'm the weakest one here.

Wait, WHAT? I'M supposed to teach the group today??

Deep breaths. No panicking. I'm supposed to teach them Hanled's weave, because it's "needlessly useless" and thus good for "training yourself to use the Power in finer increments?"

We're to use this weave for everything we do while we're in the training area. I guess that's one way to pawn off my training onto someone else. Make him think that weaving in a way I can see is "good practice."

I've gotta hand it to Taim; he's pretty devious.

These dudes are surprisingly bad at Hanled's weave. So used to using brute force to get things done that they've never bothered looking at more efficient ways to do things.

I hate that I'm teaching Taim's favorites to be more effective. Even if right now it feels like I'm making fools of them.

It's also a bit terrifying to finally see how much stronger they are than myself and even Hanled. I really hope Hanled hasn't reached his full potential yet because I don't think he could go toe-to-toe with any of them right now.

Whoa, that was a close one. Guy lost control of his weave and just about scorched the room.

I learned something though, watching it happen. I wonder if I could....

Now that is cool. It's like a whip made of fire. I've seen swords done before, but never anything flexible like this.

And it uses so little of the Power!

FINALLY time to sleep. I feel like we've been in here a whole day, and I was getting tired at the beginning of it.

Wish I could tell what Hanled was doing right now. Maybe then I'd know how much time was passing out in the world.

Without Taim here cracking the whip, we actually got a decent amount of sleep there.

Mishraile is still pretty strict though, so onward to breakfast.

Light, that weave Mishraile is demonstrating looks as complicated as Healing. I doubt I'll be able to duplicate it.

He calls it "Compulsion." Sounds dodgy to me.

I'm not the only one who can't manage it. Even without using Hanled's weave they're all struggling.

So hungry. Isn't it lunchtime yet?

I'm half convinced that Mishraile doesn't expect these guys to master this "Compulsion" weave either; he hasn't dishes out nearly as much punishment as usual. I think he just picked the hardest weave he knew to force us to stretch ourselves.

Wow, that was the least intelligent move I've seen all day. Kid with a smarmy smile tried to take out Mishraile when he wasn't looking.

I think Mishraile has been waiting for an excuse to use this weave on one of us. It wasn't pretty.

The things Mishraile made him do....

Tinya thought it was hilarious, but I couldn't watch any longer, so I ... let her out to play for a minute. I've never done that before.

I'm not sure how long it was. All I know is that Tinya said something that made the others laugh, and then I was me again.

I think I'm going to be sick.

I asked Mishraile if I could be excused from the rest of the session, since I had some things to get done before I went back to Caemlyn tomorrow.

He said no. Then a bit later (after he caught me arguing with Tinya) he changed his mind and let me go.

It's so dark and quiet. Must be the middle of the night.

It feels like Hanled is sleeping, but not very deeply.

Please wake up. I have to talk to someone besides myself.

He looks so tired. Now I feel guilty for waking him.

So I'm a bit less of a mess than I was last night. Been a rough morning for sure.

I wish Hanled could have stuck around, but at least he managed to talk me down from my ledge last night. I feel like I'm such a burden on him right now.

He doesn't think I should go to Taim's lessons anymore. He reminded me that normal people sometimes go mad from strain, and I've been pretending to be someone I'm not for far too long.

I'm inclined to agree, but how do I back out now? For that matter, where do I turn if I do find proof that Taim is conspiring against the Lord Dragon?

Mishraile, wearing his biggest, slimiest grin as I walk to the Traveling ground with Hanled, comes up and makes the lewdest suggestion I've ever heard in my life.

What did Tinya tell him???

I had to physically stop Hanled from decking him. Which only made him laugh harder.

I hate having to apologize for a figment of my imagination.

(Not the fun kind of apology, either.)

This was a stupid idea. Why did I have to decide to visit the Black Tower, anyway?

Oh, THANK YOU. Hanled has some questions from Logain's crew that I have answers to. At least some good came out of this whole disaster. T_T

I was afraid Essande would chew me out for being so late again, but she was more worried that I'd been caught up in one of the riots that have been going on since yesterday. I told her that we did have to go around one, though I didn't mention that was last night.

I say riots, but they never really got to that level. Mostly it's discontent that the siege has been going on so long, and people want to get back to their lives.

I guess I have it easy, being able to come and go as I wish. Must be hard for those whose lives got overturned by this.

I missed the details, but the Lady is worried about someone named Egwen or Egwene or something. I can't help feeling I've heard that name somewhere before.

https://twitter.com/WOTHolidays/status/1244235104081383425

Oh, THAT's right. Naris jogged my memory. Egwene al'Vere is the Amyrlin opposing Elaida.

I've decided not to tell Naris about the ... incident ... with Tinya last night. I'm still freaked out enough by it myself, and I don't think she needs that kind of worry in her life. Anyway, I don't think it's the sort of thing that can just happen. It was definitely a choice.

Tinya keeps bugging me about when I'm going to let her out to play again. I'm thinking round about never.

Got dragged into a nasty argument among the palace servants today. All I asked is that they take their quarrel somewhere private, geez.

Definitely going to have the drowning nightmare tonight.

Uh, why is Hanled in the city?

Did I miss a memo?

He's gone again. I wonder what that was about.

There he is again. In a different place.

Maybe he's looking for a new gate-in spot?

He's back a third time, and coming closer now. Might as well go ask him what's up.

We've been slipping. Guard asked how I always seem to know that my "brother" is at the gate waiting for me.

I told him I'd been expecting him all day, which is sort of true, and we know each other's work schedule.

Hanled says he was here earlier because he was trying to bait those runaway Dedicated into coming for him. He assures me he had permission.

Uh-oh. One of the workmen who came in with us way at the beginning spotted them outside the palace yesterday.

I guess I'll have to stop practicing weaves after dark.

It's the beach today. Not for practice, Hanled says, unless I want to. He noticed how high-strung I've been all day (I mean, how could he not?) and thought I needed a night out. That's sweet of him. :)

Turns out we both needed to let off some steam.

Sorry, trees....

It's nice to be reminded that life is more than just drudgery and pain. If we really are headed toward the Last Battle - and I have no doubts that we are - then it will be these moments we're fighting for. The quiet, personal moments that make the hard times worth living through.

Really need to come here during the day sometime. I mean, the stars are nice but I could use a bit of sunshine after all the rain in Caemlyn.

Hanled teasing me about how slowly I'm reading that book he picked out for me. I mean, the thing has to be three hundred pages long. Who could read all that in less than a week?

Nuh-uh. No spoiling the ending.

Headed home by a different way than we came. I'm disguised as Mishraile in case there's someone waiting on the other side. (Because yeah, Hanled did find a couple new spots to gate to, but he used them both today.)

Would be a bit easier to avoid these guys if I could actually sense saidin....

No ambush waiting, so that's good. Hanled's pretty sure these guys don't know how to invert a weave. Mostly it's just Asha'man rank who are taught that - which means basically just Taim's folk. Hanled says not a single Dedicated has been raised since I left who wasn't Taim's.

I do hope they're not watching, because there's no way I'm kissing Hanled goodnight while wearing Mishraile's face.

Or while he's wearing my brother's. Ick. So that will be over way before we reach the palace.

Where even are we? Is this the Inner City?

No, still the New City, but outside the Mondel Gate - that's why I don't recognize anything. We usually go through the Origan Gate.

This is for real the long way around.

Now the real challenge: can I slip into my room without waking Naris? Because I really hope she didn't stay up this late worrying about me. Sometimes she takes the big sister act a little too seriously.

(Oh good, she's sleeping.)

Well since I can't practice my weaves with those idiots in the city, might as well read.

Naris making me look bad by coming back so early, lol. Lady Aviendha isn't even back yet.

I kind of love it when she comes back from the Aiel camp and tells Lady Elayne about all the weaves she learned. Would be even cooler if I knew anything about saidar.

Yay, more hairdo practice. *waves the world's tiniest flag*

Well that one ... wasn't horrible.

Was that an earthquake??

Light, there it went again! It felt like ... like the whole world was about to evaporate! Naris is pale as a sheet; she felt it, too.

Nothing seems to have been damaged ... no cracks in the palace walls or anything.

Folks outside the gates are making up for lost time. We didn't see much fighting yesterday because I think they got shaken up by that ... reality quake?

Maybe I shouldn't have given it a name. Naming it implies it's a thing that happens often enough to need a name.

Tell you what though; even the skeptics are pretty much convinced that Tarmon Gai'don is right around the corner after those.

That was ... weird. Not scary weird (like most of my life), just weird weird.

So that Kin woman who keeps watching me when she thinks I'm not looking came to the servants' lunchroom. Said she wanted to know what everyone thought of a new kind of tea the kitchen was serving.

I mean, not a tea drinker usually but she insisted so I'm like, ok. It was kinda minty, I guess?

Weirdest part though was after everyone tasted it and told her it was fine, she actually looked disappointed.

Maybe she was trying to convince the kitchens not to make it anymore. 🤷

First time I've had a chance to breathe since yesterday afternoon. :P

Started when Mishraile sent someone besides Hanled to collect me, and the guy got lost in Caemlyn and then picked a fight with the guardsmen at the gate.

Just when I was starting to think they'd forgotten me, somebody clues me in as to what's going on. I get there just in time to break it up.

Guy didn't even know me on sight, almost made it worse. I managed to convince the guards he was drunk, and of course they wouldn't let me leave with him.

I had to disguise myself as Lady Birgitte to get through the gates. Really hope that doesn't bite me later.

Anyway, we get there super late, no time for sword practice or anything, because Taim's holding this meeting. I could have ditched and not missed anything, because it was seriously pretty lame.

So, meeting over, after curfew, so I think, ok at least I can chat with the guys in the palace, right? But no, because Fian is there (I don't know what he did to get in with Taim and I'm not sure I want to) and comes over to grill me on all kinds of useless stuff.

He started of course with the "how can you channel when you're a woman," which meant I had to make us private because he wasn't doing it and there WERE still people down the hall who could have heard him.

I told him if he wanted to know he should take it up with Taim, and he kind of backed down on that one.

Anyway, he somehow found out I'd gone home for a few hours and was asking all these stupid questions, and I'm like, how am I supposed to know what your old friends are up to?

So he talks my ear off until I'm ready to fall asleep standing up (I would have, too; I've gotten good at that), and then Mishraile comes over and says he wants me to find out what Logain's crew are up to.

Because yeah, whatever Tinya said when I let her loose, it's clearly gotten around that Hanled and I are "an item." So now Mishraile thinks I can get Hanled to spill the beans.

But I didn't get a chance to actually SEE Hanled, because he was off with a recruiting party. I finally get to sleep, and then am woken in the middle of the night by someone screaming about the walls melting.

I thought, OK, someone's cracked. But they actually WERE melting. A whole section, right in the middle of Taim's palace.

I'm not gonna describe what that did to the two guys who got caught in it.

A couple nightmares later, the sun's up and Hanled STILL isn't back, but I did manage to get some sword practice in before heading back.

I get to the palace and am CHEWED OUT by the Captain-General for leaving with my drunk brother instead of a proper escort.

So glad Lady Aviendha came back in the middle and took my side. She made some crack about the Lady Elayne being in a temper, wasn't sure what it meant at the time but as I'm hurrying away I hear one of the Aes Sedai go, "That's what she gets for choosing a woman as a Warder."

CAPTAIN-GENERAL BIRGITTE IS THE LADY'S WARDER, Y'ALL. Lady Aviendha even confirmed it!

Anyway I didn't even get done processing that when there's fighting at the gates, and someone's going off about a battering ram, but this little slip of a noblewoman grabs me and insists I wait on her "since the Lady Elayne has no need of you right now."

(I mean yeah, she was already in the Map Room by then, but RUDE!)

So I spent the rest of the day helping her in and out of dresses she'd ordered in the city. Didn't even get lunch! And every one of those dresses had something _wrong_ with it.

I grouse about the Lady Elayne's daily routine sometimes, but she's got nothing on this Catalyn Haevin gal.

For once I was actually glad to have Tinya there making wisecracks, and I don't even regret getting scolded for laughing at one of them.

Got to chat with the guy picking up our report this morning. He's actually kinda like me. Not very strong in the power, but he has a few tricks up his sleeve. Gateways, for one.

Maybe I need to hang out with him sometime, see if I can pick up any tips from him.

Light, that gave me a start. A messenger burst through the doors to announce the fighting had got inside the walls again, and knocked the Lady's breakfast tray out of my hands. It was mostly empty, but I still have goat's milk all over my uniform now.

Good thing I have a spare in my room.

Uh, why is my door open?

Light, there's someone in there!

Not cool. This is so not cool! I've got her shielded, but it's taking everything my ter'angreal can muster, and I had to sit on her because I can't weave at the same ... hang on.

How did that sleep weave go?

...Oh, that's got it. Phew!

Ok, so that Kin woman was in my room, snooping around. When I came in she tried to wrap me in weaves of Air, and also I think she shielded me, because when I used my ter'angreal to slice the weaves her eyes just about bugged out of her head.

What do I do now?? She knows I can channel; I can't just let her go.

One, two, three. Hanled, please hurry!

She can't be very strong in the Power; I usually see her linking with two others just to open a gateway. Also I think she must have lost saidar when I punched her in the face, because I never expected that to actually work!

Thank the Light; he's on his way.

Uh, but now how do I get to him?

If she can't see she can't weave, right?? Most people don't train to weave blindfolded.

Gotta be something I can use as rope here. T_T

Tied off the shield. Hope it lasts. Tied off an invisibility weave - it seems to work as long as I move her slowly on this flow of Air.

Please don't unravel. Please don't wake up.

Nonono not the front gate; they still mad at "you" there.

Good, he got the message. Going around the wall.

Up and over ... that jolt of surprise means he sees my weaves. Yes, he took them over. Phew!

Now, invisibility on myself, and a staircase of air ... um, I've never done this one before. Can't see whether I'm doing it right. T_T

I didn't kill myself getting over. Yay!

Now, disguises.

We took her to the only spot we could think of - that burned out warehouse. Have gotten Hanled up to speed.

Now that the place is soundproofed and Hanled has taken over the shield, we're going to risk waking her up.

Ugh, in all the commotion I forgot to change out of my soiled dress.

Please. Stop. Screaming.

Ok, now that she's stopped ... sort of stopped ... bah, nevermind.

I think she's out of breath finally?

Hopefully not too out of breath to explain what she thought she was doing in my room.

She keeps flinching when she looks at Hanled's black coat. Definitely knows what those mean.

I don't THINK she's working with Mellar? Gave me a blank stare when I accused her. I mean, she COULD be faking it, but she's no Aes Sedai.

Sounds like she IS the one behind the rumors that there's an Asha'man hiding among the servants. But why?

That ... is something I should have seen coming.

She has a ring that vibrates when someone is channeling nearby. She didn't tell Elayne because she thought the Aes Sedai would take it from her.

So THAT'S what she's been doing. She couldn't feel the flows when I would use saidin, and guessed correctly as to why. She's been trying to pinpoint the location, but didn't figure it out until this morning.

My conversation with Androl this morning. Light, I led her right to me by keeping the gateway open so long.

Forkroot? What the heck is forkroot?

She was trying to drug me? 😠

I feel less bad about punching her in the face now.

Huh. The woman with the ter'angreal that can detect saidin finds it impossible to believe that there exists a ter'angreal which allows a woman to channel saidin. 🤷

We still haven't solved the problem of what to do with her.

Hanled quit scaring her. We are NOT going to leave her in the Blight.

Though that might be an appropriate punishment for Mellar. Hmm....

And now she's melting down again. Thinks we're going to kill her "like we've been doing to the rest of the Kin"??

Wow, she's got some pretty solid evidence that SOMEONE has been disappearing people.

I asked her what excuse she has for not mentioning THIS to anyone, and she goes, "because I think one of the Sisters in the palace is responsible."

So that sent an extra chill down my back.

I mean, I sort of knew one of them was Black Ajah? But knowing that she's actually out ... Black Ajah-ing? ... makes it that much scarier.

Why she thought a Black sister would employ a secret Asha'man is beyond me, though.

This is taking too long. Someone's going to start wondering where Hanled and I are soon.

I totally should take that ring of hers. For this bruise on my cheek if nothing else.

Not going to though. If I want her to believe I don't want to hurt her, I can't start with robbery.

*sigh*

Someone needs to let Lady know about these disappearing Kin. I can't believe she's Black Ajah herself; with the exclusion of Mellar, everyone she surrounds herself with is good people. Lady Aviendha likes to go on in *cough* some detail about what she would do to Darkfriends.

Light, could she be though? Now I'm getting paranoid.

This gal ... Caiden is her name ... wants us to take her back to her homeland. (Assuming we really don't want to kill her.)

I'm considering it.

Really though, I don't know much about these Kin, but from what I hear they're failed Aes Sedai who have been trying to hide from the Tower, and the women in charge are really strict about what they're allowed to do.

Kinda like the Black Tower. Heh.

Hanled doesn't think there are many options, but he also doesn't want to drop her in a war zone.

I guess she didn't know the Seanchan are invading Arad Doman just like they did Altara.

Hanled thinks maybe we could leave her in ... Bear Lawn? which he says is just over the mountains from there. At least she'd be able to assess how far the invaders had come and whether it was worth trying to get home.

Uh, why is Hanled staring out at the street with that look of panic on his

They found us! NOT GOOD!

Finally found a place to hide. Light, that was scary!

All that channeling drew the attention of those two Dedicated who think I killed Hopwil.

Hanled managed to send Caiden through a gateway before they got inside the warehouse, but they sliced his weave before we could follow. The building is a lost cause now, and I'm surprised they didn't draw the attention of the city guard with all that noise.

Good; the fire brigade is already on its way.

Hanled, I hate you sometimes.

He wants to set a trap for these guys and try to turn the tables.

But where, though? Even with the fighting on the walls, there are people in the streets who might see us. Or worse, get caught in the middle.

All right, fine. I'm sick of having to limit my channeling to the bare minimum. Let's do this.

I'm now disguised as a beggar. We picked an alleyway and made sure it was empty for several streets. Hanled set some wards - not inverted. They'll know we're trying to bait them but we have some tricks up our sleeves.

Idiots didn't even bother trying to disable the wards before walking through. O_o

They're just sauntering right down the middle of - Hanled, watch out!

Decoys. They know disguise. Didn't spot mine though so I cut their weaves in time. Can't shield - too strong.

Inverted invisibility on both of us. They know we're here but can't see. Trying not to breathe.

Those poor guys they wove illusions on are freaking out. Gotta be something we can do to get them free.

They're doing something with Air and Water. Unusual for a man to be so strong in either, Hanled says.

Gonna call these guys Goatee and Forkbeard, since I don't remember their names. One of them started with a G? Nope, it's gone.

They know we're still here. At least, they think we are. Threatening to kill those poor decoys if we don't come out.

Hanled doesn't know them well enough to tell whether they're serious.

Light, but those disguises mean they know how to invert a weave. That means they're probably Taim's - Hanled only knows it from me. They might do it.

Ok, new plan. I'm going out to see if I can talk these guys down. Probably not, but Hanled has my back.

So far so good. If they're trying to kill me, Hanled is slicing their weaves.

Tinya, don't even think about distracting me right now.

They're listening, but I'm not sure they believe me.

Come on, Hanled - any time now.

And the hostages are free. Shoved through a gateway onto a rooftop two blocks down.

Where'd he get the crossbow??

Sike! I'm not really standing there. Bending light, baby!

Can't see Hanled. Or Goatee. Forkbeard hot on my tail.

OW! He nicked me with that crossbow!

Scratch one crossbow. But why isn't he attacking me with the power?

And why does he keep looking up at the ... hmm. Was it this cloudy before?

Feels like Hanled is duking it out with Goatee. I hope he's ok.

Can't weave fast enough to invert my attacks. He seems to be straining to counter them all. What IS he doing with those clouds?

Hanled coming closer. Feels panicked. Time to find some cover.

Forkbeard says he's "ready." Ready for what??

ARGH, SO MUCH LIGHTNING

I can't hear! Can barely see either.

NO!! Hanled, please be ok!!

Hanled's out cold, and I've lost my ter'angreal. Pinned down with the Power. Someone coming closer - can't see which.

My parents will never know how I died.

Something cold in my fingers. A crossbow bolt?

Light, these idiots can't see either. They don't know where I am; must have weaves of Air all down the street.

I see ... something green. My ter'angreal?

I can't reach it.

Got an arm free. Weave is weakening, but they're closing in on me. Will trip over me in a minute if nothing else.

It's no use; I'm too far away to make it work.

I think they finally spotted me.

Gloat all you want, idiot. You've got the wrong woman.

That's it ... walk a little closer. At least I can pay you back for that crossbow bolt before you kill me.

A few more steps....

Gotch--AAAAAAH!

More ... lightning. Why...?

Hurts everywhere.

Hanled. Glad you're alive.

...How bad is it?

Light, I forgot he knew Healing. Ow. My face still hurts. A LOT. T_T

Ter'angreal isn't broken. Can weave myself a mirror....

Oh. That's why.

Forkbeard and Goatee both dead. Hanled says he came to just in time to see Goatee lose hold of his weaves when I stabbed him in the foot.

Huh. I thought I was stabbing Forkbeard.

Clouds are dissipating quickly. Much quicker than is natural, Hanled thinks.

Oh right - Aes Sedai.

Light, how am I going to explain these scars to the Lady Elayne? She'll know I was involved somehow. And my hair ... I've been thinking about cutting it, but not crooked like this.

I'm going to have to walk around with a mask of mirrors on me ALL THE TIME.

Need to get back to the palace. My dress is ruined.

Maybe if I draw Hanled a map, we can gate right to my room?

The weave isn't working. He says he knows the place well enough after gating those hostages to safety that it SHOULD be working.

It's more like what happens when you try to gate to a place that doesn't exist??

Light, Hanled is hurt worse than I am.

He got a gateway to open on an empty rooftop in the palace.

I'll handle disguises; you just focus on walking, ok?

Wait, the bodies ... there. Nobody will find them on that rooftop. We can take them to the Black Tower later.

Have disguised Hanled as an aging pensioner. I guess I'm a bit lost after coming down from the roof though. Can't find my room.

No, but ... the courtyard is right there, and that bush with the broken branch. Why is there a wall where my door should be??

Found it ... down the hall and around the corner. O_O Definitely my room. Did that blow to the head scramble my brains??

There's my spare dress ... and my black coat ... and the hidden box. But ... the whole thing has moved?

Whatever. Lie down, Hanled; no arguing. And, er ... hmm. Shut your eyes while I change.

NO IMAGINING, EITHER! I feel what's going on in your head.

Well of COURSE the Lady is on her way inside and needs me immediately.

My face still stings, but I think I can cover what's left of the burns pretty easily. Will need to pin back my hair to hide how short the one side is. Can't have it hanging out through the illusion.

I'm going to have a nice mental breakdown about this later, I'm sure. Right now I'm having too much trouble accepting the fact that I actually survived all that.

Will someone please tell me where Lady Elayne's rooms went??

I'm not the only one confused.

Also, will someone please take Ellys to her room (if you can find it)? I think she needs to lie down.

Looks like I'm not the only one who got lost.

THAT IS SO COOL.

Omigosh, omigosh, omigosh. The Lady Aviendha can identify ter'angreal just by touching them!

I nearly gave myself away just now in surprise. O_O

I am definitely NOT telling Taim about any of this. I think Naris will agree.

I love it! That old man statue is full of stories, and that dagger can hide you from Shadowspawn! Every borderland soldier can use one of those.

Growing holes? Now that would be something to see. And a funny pair of spectacles with glass in two different colors is for....

Light, tell me I imagined what she said just now.

I swear my heart just stopped in mid-beat. Did she really say they could allow someone who can't channel to SEE WEAVES OF THE POWER?

There's no way. No way she could mean saidin. And yet ... she didn't actually SAY saidar?

If ... if I could just ... try them out....

Yikes! Where did all those Aiel come from?

I want those spectacles, but there are too many people watching. T_T

Oh. The Aiel are leaving.

All of them? :(

And Hanled's gone, too. Out into the city, for a moment, then further south. Probably stopped to collect the ... the bodies.

If I could just get back into the sitting room for one minute ... argh.

Now I'm in the sitting room ... waiting on the Lady. 🙄

Nnnnnooooooo she's putting the spectacles away in the boxroom!

Great. How am I supposed to get to them now?

I forgot Naris hadn't seen what those Dedicated did to my face. Gave her a shock when I dropped my weave.

Ugh, it really is that bad, isn't it. T_T

How am I supposed to sleep when the entire left side of my face hurts?

Light, I almost forgot about Caiden's message. Don't suppose there are any of those Kin awake still?

Can't sleep anyway, so might as well find out.

This would be easier if I knew where they slept.

Somehow I've found myself at Lady Elayne's room. (I really didn't mean to. I'd forgotten it was moved.) She's probably asleep by now.

I just got a very bad idea.

Ok, we're doing this.

But not as me. There are still guards on the door, so I'm going in as Essande.

Er, this mask of mirrors won't do anything about my voice though. Will have to do my best impression.

Convinced the guards to let me in as long as I don't wake the Lady.

Trust me, that's the last thing I want to do.

It's so eerie with all the lights out.

I really hope the room layout hasn't changed while I wasn't looking.

Light, the key. Now I wish I HAD been forced to pick the lock before, so at least I'd know how to do it.

She's definitely asleep.

You know, it's a really good thing I'm not an assassin.

Silence weave around the lock. Then a thin flow of air....

This would be easier if I already had what I'm here to steal.

Assuming they even work.

I shouldn't be doing this. I should definitely wait for daylight.

Wait; the lock's open! Something I did worked, I guess.

Nothing to do but take a deep breath and go in.

So dark. Maybe I can risk a tiny bit of light....

There they are. Now to find out whether I snuck in here for nothing.

I see something! But only through one eye. The other side must be plain glass.

Light, I can see my weaves!

Can't celebrate yet. Still have to get out of here with them.

Locking the door again was actually harder than unlocking it.

Oof, the table!

Please don't have heard that. Pleasepleasepleaseplease.

I'm out. I don't think she woke up.

Oh right, the guards. Don't mind me; just a little old lady who lost her spectacles.

Which are totally nothing to look at. Nuh-uh.

Which way was my room again??

These things ... kinda stand out. I think they need a disguise of their own.

I can't believe I pulled that off.

This is the part where I wake up and it was all a dream, right?

Naris is gonna chew me out in the morning for sure, but I have a feeling it's gonna be worth it.

Naris didn't have to chew me out. I feel plenty guilty already.

Twice now I've stolen something from the Lady Elayne. Who even am I?

My face hurts even worse this morning, though Naris assures me it looks a little better.

Got congratulations from Taim on dealing with those deserters. No mention of Hanled but it FEELS like someone got him Healing yesterday.

Tried weaving invisibility on the spectacles, but couldn't see my weaves through them like that. I think there might be a way to fix that, but for now they're in my pocket - disguised in case Lady Elayne notices they're missing.

I really hope she doesn't. Neither she nor Aviendha thought such a thing would be of use to anyone.

I was also hoping I had only dreamed that the palace was all rearranged.

Everyone's taking it in stride because nobody wants to think about what it means.

Look, I know Lady Elayne gets mood swings a lot, but y'all need to lay off her today. She just sent her sister off with the Aiel to who knows where, and she can have a good cry in her OWN ROOMS without people getting all worked up about it.

Also, apparently Caiden's warning was too late. Whoever has been disappearing the Kin is done messing around, and took out their leader yesterday while I was dealing with those deserters.

I only ever met Mistress Corly in passing, but she seemed nice. And from what I hear, she never did anything to deserve a death like that.

I'm starting to think maybe Lady Aviendha's way of dealing with Darkfriends is the best one.

Wow, is it time for Naris to leave with Venson already?

After quite a bit of experimentation, I have figured out how to make these spectacles invisible without also making them useless. It's actually easiest to make them part of my, um ... permanent disguise.

It is so, so, so much easier to weave without trying to do it blind or relying on Hanled's weave! 😭 Like, I can't even express how much of a difference this is going to make for me.

Got the shock of my life just now walking out through the courtyard. Thought the Kin were all weaving saidin to make gateways for the soldiers. Then I realized I was seeing their weaves through the OTHER LENS!

I CAN SEE BOTH SAIDIN AND SAIDAR THROUGH THESE. O_O

Tinya wants to go watch the Kin weave some more. Or the Aes Sedai.

Hey T, there's a thing called "work" to get done. Ever heard of it?

Not that I don't want to go have a look myself. That gateway weave looked DECIDEDLY different from the saidin way.

Watching the Kin walk around in little huddled groups makes me so angry. Have caught myself half-weaving little threads of fire all day.

Also, I have to make sure to keep my eyes averted around the Aes Sedai today. Would be real fun trying to explain why I was glaring at one of them.

The attacks on the wall have lessened somewhat since the departure of the Aiel. I don't like it. It's like they're holding back, saving their strength for something big.

I said as much to the Lady before I could stop myself. Essande gave me this glare, but Captain-General Birgitte agreed with me.

When she jokingly suggested I could help in the map room, I stammered something about repeating what I'd heard the soldiers say. I _think_ she believed me?

Aww, man. I could have sworn it was six days since I visited the Black Tower, but Naris assures me it's only five.

Hmm, Hanled is early. I hope that doesn't mean something's wrong.

He's not ... headed for the palace?

He's finally headed this way. Took him long enough.

He ... bought me flowers? Where did he even find them?

It wasn't just flowers. Apparently Hanled spent the afternoon at a jeweler's shop, and had them put one of the seashells we found on a chain for me.

He wanted to take me somewhere fancy for dinner too, but food is becoming an issue in the city. The granaries are full, and there's food coming in through gateways, but half of it is spoiled before it's a week old. Even the Lady has to put up with weevils in her bread.

Hanled says it's the same everywhere. Food is spoiling where it never did before, and nothing is growing, despite the spring rains.

Even the flowers only bloomed because of a weave Hanled learned from someone.

That makes them extra special, in my opinion.

We didn't go straight to the Black Tower. I wanted to show the spectacles to Hanled without anyone else eavesdropping.

He wanted to try them out, but I couldn't think of any excuse for him to get close enough to watch the Aes Sedai or Kin weave something, and he can already see saidin.

Also I wanted to talk to that Dedicated who does the gateways for messages before curfew.

Turns out he's on Logain's side of the split. In fact, since the Lord Dragon took so many Asha'man and Dedicated off to Arad Doman (the Aiel are there too, they say), Androl is one of the few Dedicated left at the Black Tower.

I warned them both that Taim wants me to spy on Logain's loyalists, and not to talk about anything in front of me that they didn't want getting back to him.

We briefly discussed misdirections I might pass on, but until I have proof of Taim's misdeeds, I also don't want to get caught lying to him, which makes it tough.

I don't know why Androl seems to trust me so much. We've only even talked the once.

Unless he's really another of Taim's spies, and he's trying to catch me in something himself....

Is that paranoid of me? It feels pretty paranoid.

Anyway, I asked him to demonstrate his gateways for me, to see if I could learn anything. Sadly, even with the spectacles I can't manage one on my own.

Androl DOES weave his gateways a little differently than Hanled does. I can't reproduce it, but it's almost like he shortcuts the weave by doing what I can only describe as waypoints.

Most of the ... the work, of the weave, I guess, is contained in these tiny little nodes of saidin, rather than weaving a whole curtain like most everyone else does. I wouldn't have even noticed if I weren't used to weaving threads that small myself.

I was excused from tonight's meeting at Taim's palace, probably so I could spy on "the leftovers," as Mishraile calls them.

Was hoping Hanled had a few more weaves to teach me, but it turns out I don't have the strength for the sort of thing he's learning nowadays. So frustrating.

Hung out in Hanled's room after that, just talking about nothing for hours. Tinya is definitely going to be a problem tomorrow.

She'll be even worse of a problem if I don't go to bed right the heck now.

Go away, sun. I'm so not ready for you yet.

Please, no. The last thing I need is a week in the M'hael's secret training area this morning. >_<

*incoherent grumbling*

Figures Taim would want to grill me directly about those two deserters. Good thing I asked Hanled the details of his own report yesterday.

Ouch. Taim knows Hanled bonded me. Or rather, he guessed correctly. Whatever the opposite of discreet is, that's what we've been.

A stern warning not to let my feelings for him "distract me from our cause." Thought for a minute he was going to go into detail, but alas.

Now he thinks I'm holding out on him because I found another ter'angreal. Never seen him angry before. Had to explain about the Lady Aviendha's talent.

He wants me to assassinate her. Again dodging around the why. I told him she was gone with the rest of the Aiel, and he relaxed a bit. Still terrifying.

I have orders to steal the cache regardless of the risk to my position. Not cool. Very very not cool.

Also, if I don't accomplish it before my next visit, he'll consider me a failure and replace me.

No private training today. If Taim is happy about anything it's that I can carry my own weight now and don't need anyone to help me see the weaves.

Particularly nasty attack weave we're learning this morning. Learning by weaving it at each other and trying to slice it before it reaches us.

He's definitely still angry.

Several people have already been injured. "So you can all practice your battlefield healing."

ARGH. BLOODY SON OF A GOAT.

Getting chewed out about not being quick enough while bleeding all over the floor. Someone heal me already!

Well someone sure knows how to nurse a grudge. Taim just watching; I knew he was angry at me.

Starting to panic here. Even if I could weave healing, no idea whether I could use it on myself.

THAT WAS NOT HEALING. ARGH!

Stop it. Please, someone stop this. Help me! I--

BAM. Take that, poser.

Burn me, I was starting to think she'd never let me out again. Freakin' baby can't even defend herself.

How do you like a taste of your own medicine, huh?

Tch. NOW the M'hael breaks it up.

Go away, Ashalyn. It's my turn to play for a while.

Now THAT is a useful weave, heh.

I don't want to sleep. If I sleep, Ashalyn might take over again.

Whoops, dozed off there for a minute. ...Maybe more than a minute. It was a real fight to keep control when I woke up.

Time to scram, anyway. I've got me some ter'angreal to steal.

Oh, right. Hanled. Man I hate this loser.

Although ... now that he's had some decent training in the smooch department, I might as well take advantage of it.

You know, I can sort of see why Ashalyn puts up with this guy. I wonder if I've got time to have some real fun before--

The heck was that for? Wise guy thinks he knows what's best.

Fine, I'll go find someone else to play with.

Let me go, jerkface. Ugh, that stupid bond.

Fine. You want to play rough, I've got this new weave I learned from the M'hael this morning. How do you like this?

OW! Think you can slap me and get away with it? Leftover poser, I'll show you what's--

NO! Oh Hanled, I'm so sorry! I couldn't stop her. I tried so hard, but she wouldn't let me out again! T_T

I'm ok. It's ok. It's me again; I promise! 😭

I'm never going in that place again. I don't care about proving Taim a Darkfriend anymore; as far as I'm concerned, wanting to kill the Lady Aviendha is proof enough.

Why is it I can never get back to the palace on time??

Light, I hope that works. Hanled used a weave to help wash away my fatigue.

You know what, you'd better just gate me to my room in Caemlyn. Nobody should be in there this time of day.

Yes, I promise we are going to talk about what just happened. But not right now. Tonight, ok?

It DOES feel like I've had a full night's rest. I can still feel Tinya ... maybe I shouldn't call her that anymore. This ... person ... inside me is still clawing to get out. It isn't hard to suppress her, but she's definitely there.

I might as well call her Dolyn.

Tried to convince the Lady to put her ter'angreal collection somewhere safer. She thinks it's perfectly fine where it is.

I was this close to pointing out what has already gone missing.

I had to tell Naris what happened this morning. This is the second time, and if it happens again, she's not the only person who might be in danger.

I've never seen anyone pretend not to be terrified of me before.

It's not a great feeling.

Tinya ... Dolyn ... trying to pretend everything's back to normal, cracking jokes and such.

It's not going to work. I know what you are, now.

You're the darkness inside me.

Every cruel or unwanted thought I've ever locked away and hidden inside myself.

That's why she gets stronger around Taim - he brings out the worst in people, one way or another.

She's my ... my shadow. My own personal Shadow.

Hanled gated straight to my room - with permission - and took me off to the beach for a long talk.

First though he and Naris talked about me like I wasn't even there. I was like, hello, I can still hear, you know?

I told Hanled my theory. He thinks it makes sense, and he definitely agrees that I shouldn't attend any more of those lessons. Whether that will be enough, I don't know.

He really thought he'd lost me this morning. I mean, so did I, so I can't blame him.

This isn't how things were supposed to work. He started this whole Asha'man thing understanding that he would eventually go mad and die, maybe leave a wife behind if one would have him. He wasn't prepared to be on the other end of that equation.

We're dodging around the point though. How do I escape now that I've gotten myself in this deep? I have a sickening feeling that Taim won't simply let me go.

We could just stay here, I suppose. It would be lonely on this empty strand of beach, but we could build a house, hunt for food, or maybe find a village to buy supplies from.

It's a bit late for planting - not that anything will grow, with the world coming to an end.

No, that solution is too shortsighted. We're going to be needed at Tarmon Gai'don - both of us, if we live that long. Also, if I disappear Taim will almost certainly look to Naris for answers. If we're going to run we need to account for her and Venson as well.

Without Naris and I, Taim won't have ears inside the palace anymore, and will almost certainly send a replacement. One who will steal the ter'angreal at the first opportunity, I have no doubt. Maybe cause other harm to the Lady Elayne.

There may come a time when we'll have to make a run for it, but for now the best solution I can see is to stall for time. Stall, and make plans to defend what needs to be defended.

Whoops, dozed off in Hanled's arms. Woolheaded idiot, letting me fall asleep like that.

I really do need a proper night's rest. Haven't had one of those in days.

What?? He asks me this now?!

After this morning, I thought for sure he'd want to dissolve the bond and go our separate ways. Now, after learning the hard way exactly what kind of crazy the taint on saidin has made me, THIS is when he asks me to marry him??

I can't possibly answer that sort of question right now. Go to bed, Hanled. And send me to mine, please. No, don't peek through the gateway; Naris might not be decent right now. Ok ok, a kiss first is fine. Idiot.

Hanled slipped a love letter to me via our morning instructions. I didn't know he could write so fancy.

Naris called him "cheeky, yet adorable."

He says yesterday's ... misadventure ... made him think about what life would be like without me, and that he didn't think he could stand it.

Don't get me wrong; I love Hanled and would tell him yes in a heartbeat if things were different, but is this really the right time?

I mean, completely aside from this mess with Taim, the Last Battle has to be just around the corner. How can we make that sort of promise when it might mean losing each other anyway?

Anyway, I would love to mope around all day thinking about this, but I've got work to do.

Fun fact: turns out I CAN work and mope at the same time. Yay me.

Naris got to do the Lady's hair for the first time today (under Essande's careful supervision). I am ... not there yet, obviously.

I'VE GOT IT. A way to satisfy Taim.

I will tell him I suspect that Elayne's cache is only a small portion of what she's hiding - that she has more somewhere else that I need to hunt down.

AND, I will avoid going to the Black Tower by saying I don't want to come back a failure. That was how he worded it. "Don't come back until you've got them," basically.

(Ok, so maybe I'm putting words in his mouth. But it COULD be interpreted that way.)

So weird. I knew on a basic level that saidin and saidar did things differently, but from the glimpses I've seen from the Kin and the Sea Folk (they call them Windfinders?), it's like ... like speaking a whole different language.

So I guess it's time to write a letter to Hanled.

I guess I can't really ask Naris to scribe this one for me.

He's gonna laugh at my chicken-scratch handwriting for sure. >_<

No no no, that's all wrong.

Apparently I'm no good at love letters.

It's too bad I can't just copy this one out of the book he got me. He'd probably recognize it.

This would be a whole lot easier if I could just talk to him in person.

If only I could weave a gateway. A tiny one, just big enough to chat through - like I did with Androl.

Light, that weave is complicated. I only got about half of it in place before it started unraveling.

All right, time to buckle down and write this thing.

"Dear Hanled,

I'm sorry I freaked out when you asked me to marry you. I guess I should have seen it coming..." No wait; that sounds too arrogant.

"Dear Hanled - everything is complicated right now, but I didn't mean to imply that I might turn you down."

How did he put it? Oh, right.

"I too have realized that there is an emptiness inside that only you can fill. I will marry you, on one condition - it won't be in secret."

"When the time comes that I no longer have to hide how much I love you, then and only then will we make our vows."

Is that too sappy? ...I feel like it's just the right amount of sappy.

"Your love forever, Ashalyn."

Now is when I really wish I had some blotting paper. Not 100% sure I can dry the ink without setting it on fire....

Oh good. I really didn't want to have to write that again.

A little bit of candle wax to make it private, and into the box with the daily report. Not going to put our misdirection plan into action tonight; mentioning it this soon would only sound like an excuse.

Of course it's AFTER it's too late to do anything about it that I start to wonder whether I said the wrong thing in my letter.

Full day of meetings and wardrobe changes for the Lady, who elected to retire as soon as the fighting stopped. Pretty tired myself.

Not gonna stop me from practicing the gateway weave again. For a little while, at least - I'm paranoid about losing sleep now. (Which does NOT help when I'm trying to actually FALL asleep.)

That one ALMOST worked?

No good. I can't weave the strands fine enough yet. :/

Essande thinks I'm actually making progress in the hairdressing department.

Which of course is when I almost ruin a dress by trying to clean it the wrong way. >_>

Well that was creepy.

One of the pensioners came down to have lunch with us today. We didn't think anything of it until Suze walked in and screamed. Apparently the guy died in his rooms last week.

If we survive Tarmon Gai'don, our kids are never gonna believe HALF the stories we tell them about the last couple years.

Missing Hanled something fierce tonight. T_T

All right, here goes nothing. My report to the M'hael - in my own handwriting, as bad as that is, because it feels right - says that I attempted to steal the ter'angreal but discovered some were missing.

I've told him to forgo sending someone to collect me tomorrow so that I can try to discover where the rest of the cache has been moved.

Uh-oh. There's someone waiting at the gate disguised as my brother.

It isn't Hanled.

Lovely. It's Fian.

Was going to tell him there'd been a mistake, but he's not here to collect me. He's here to weave a finder on the ter'angreal in Elayne's rooms, "so we can track where they're going."

I should never have mentioned to Taim that I couldn't use that weave myself.

Now I get to twiddle my thumbs while we wait for it to be late enough to sneak back into the palace. >_<

I see. Fian volunteered for this because he thinks the reward of helping me claim a bunch of ter'angreal is greater than the risk of getting caught.

I told him that's all well and good, but I'm the one at risk here.

I also said I'm 100% sure that he'll keep anything from the cache that he doesn't feel like handing over.

"Wouldn't you?" he says.

I suppose I might, if I thought I could keep track of more than 2 ter'angreal at once. Still kind of nervous after that angreal incident, honestly.

All right, everyone who needs to be is probably asleep now. Fian better know how to make a proper gateway.

Heh. It's smaller than the ones Hanled makes.

I guess I'm in charge of disguises again.

So there you go, Fian, one door guarded 100% of the time by at least two people. How to you expect to get through that?

No, they're not going to let me in at night. I'm not even supposed to be in the palace right now; people saw me leaving.

He thinks he can make a gateway from this dark corner straight into the sitting room. I guess it's close enough it might work.

No no no, you idiot - never weave a full-size gateway until you've taken a peek with a small one first! It's a good thing I can see his weaves now, or he might have sliced the furniture. Good luck hiding that one. :P

I really wish they had sent Hanled for this part. *sigh*

Of course, if they had sent him, we could lie about weaving the finders anyway.

Of course he doesn't know how to pick a lock either.

...You do KNOW the finder weave, right??

All right, unlocked. Now wait there while I--

FIAN YOU IDIOT! GET IN HERE RIGHT THE HECK NOW!

Please don't wake up please don't wake up please don't....

Aww, fish guts.

Don't you dare try to weave a gateway in this tiny space!

And also, stop talking. I can't weave a sound ward or I won't be able to tell when she's gone back to sleep.

No you may NOT dig through the panniers in the dark. If you can't weave your finders without moving anything, then you'll just have to wait.

Oh no - she's getting dressed. O_O

Good job, Fian. She's probably going to search the whole apartment now.

Well she's not searching the place. But she is definitely not going back to sleep, either.

Now she has midnight visitors?? I'm not getting any sleep tonight, am I.

Oh no. Another Kinswoman has been killed. 😭

And now there's an Aes Sedai in here. What next?

Fian, so help me, if you touch my bottom again I'm gonna shove you right through this door.

Light burn me; is half the palace awake tonight?

Now it's the head clerk and some guy he brought in.

Shut up, Fian; I'm trying to listen!

You shut up too, Dolyn.

Something about Mellar.

She had him followed?

And now she's moved to the larger sitting room. I think. Why is she so interested in the Aes Sedai he hangs out with?

All right, it's now or never on those Finders, Fian.

Uh, where are you going?

Enough spying, you idiot! Lady Birgitte could come in any min-- Eek!

That's it, I'm done for. Master I-don't-know-the-meaning-of-clandestine is standing in the doorway, with my invisibility weave on him because he's hopeless and didn't think to do it himself.

All he has to do now is sneeze.

OF COURSE the Aes Sedai Mellar hangs out with is Black Ajah. O_O

And I was in their HOUSE. Just kill me now.

About time, Fian. Now weave those finders before something else goes wrong.

...And we're out. Finally. Fian tried to gate us straight back to the Black Tower, even though I can't show my face unless I bring the ter'angreal. Had to make him drop me back where we started, on the roof.

Hope I don't give Naris a start when I walk in wearing her face, heh.

Time for some hardcore Zs.

Um, where is Lady Elayne?

Don't tell me she went out wearing that plain old riding dress? In the middle of the night, to catch some Darkfriends ... oh no.

I haven't seen the soldiers this panicked since that first attack on the walls. Does no one know where Lady Elayne is??

Word is, the Aes Sedai who went with her are DEAD. ALL of them. Nononono this can't be happening.

Hanled, I need you!

There's soldiers gathering in the courtyard. The Kin are with them, and the Sea Folk. There are gateways being made ... I think it's a rescue party.

Hanled's up to speed, and we're disguised as soldiers. This is probably the stupidest thing I've done yet, but here goes nothing.

I HATE LIGHTNING.

There's too much to cut every weave. If we can at least stop it from hitting the Captain-General....

What WAS that weave?? Like a line of silver fire ... the people it touched just EVAPORATED.

There's a ... wagon? That must be where they've got the Lady. Captain-General Birgitte is fixed on it like an arrow about to loose.

That new guard captain, Guybon, is riding straight at the one making the silver fire. He's either a Light-blinded idiot or the bravest man I've ever seen.

YES! Silver fire lady is DOWN. Almost all of the lightning has stopped.

She's there! She's alive. And still in that dress - I KNEW it. :P

Just my luck. One of the Black Ajah prisoners knows my face.

I mean, yeah I'm in disguise, but what if she squeals on me?

Would be really great if we could slip away now, but apparently Arymilla's armies have broken through the gates. Hope you've been practicing your swordplay, Hanled.

That is a LOT of soldiers. Flashing back to the Wells already.

Another downside of disguising ourselves as soldiers: I have no idea what any of these formation calls mean. T_T

Nope. Hanled has NOT been practicing the sword properly.

Really hope nobody notices that armor of Air he's put on himself.

Ooh, that's clever. He's put up a weave that slows arrows as they fall through it. Subtle yet effective.

Someone calling for "quarter." That means they surrender, doesn't it?

OW. Didn't even notice that cut until I stopped for breath.

We weren't even in the thick of things for more than a few minutes before the flow of battle cycled us out. It isn't pretty, but it was nothing compared to the slaughter at the Wells.

Oh my GOSH, were they really that stupid? The opposition leaders were in the thick of that, and now they're our prisoners.

The siege is over!

Wait, does this mean Elayne is Queen now?

Hanled thinks no. Just because the House heads are prisoners doesn't mean they have to declare for her. Good point.

Um, Hanled, I know you want to Heal people, but stick to those who aren't conscious, please??

Yes, yes, you can make an exception for me. Smart aleck.

Definitely time to slip away. The streets are empty enough after the fighting that nobody will notice a gateway from a secluded alley.

Can't help but wonder what happened this morning. I HEARD the Lady say there were only two Black Ajah at the house Mellar took me to, but there are way more than that headed to the prison and the graveyard. Where did the others come from?

Wait. Did Fian tell the M'hael what we heard? I know Taim was communicating with that lot. If he warned them she was coming for them....

Light, that means its my fault the rest of the Aes Sedai are dead. Fian would never have been there if I hadn't lied. 😭

I have to know. Hanled, I need you to grill Fian when you go back to the Black Tower. Find out what he told Taim.

Now kiss me and get out of here so I can get changed. The Lady will be returning any minute.

I sliced all the finder weaves while Essande took her nap. I also spilled out the panniers and left the door unlocked. If the Lady doesn't put her collection someplace safe after this, I'll have to do it myself.

Man, I expected Hanled way earlier than this. I had about given up on him.

Fian is with him. Why?

I see.

Turns out Fian did in fact report to Taim, who then left in a hurry. Fian has every reason to believe he got off a message to the Black Ajah in time for them to turn the tables on Lady Elayne.

Thing is though, Fian didn't have "helping Darkfriends" on his agenda when he reported, because clearly he hasn't been paying enough attention to the guys he's kissing up to.

So he panicked, just about fled the Black Tower after Hanled clued him in. Hanled barely managed to talk him out of it.

I can work with this, I think. The Lady hasn't checked the boxroom yet, that I'm aware, but if I say she discovered one missing and moved them all, I can set Taim running on a wild goose chase.

Hanled doesn't think that will work, because Fian doesn't have a spy's constitution. Burn me but he's right.

Maybe the better plan is to say that the Lady removed the finders and hid the cache. I'll have to come up with a plausible reason for her to have done that though. 🤔

I've got it. We'll say that Fian pocketed her favorite piece, and after she noticed it was missing, she thought to check for traces of saidin, because, um ... there's a new weave for that. Plausible enough, I hope? So now she's on the alert for Asha'man spies in the city.

That leaves Fian on the hook for the theft, but I think the safest course is to hide him somewhere anyway.

I mean, the guy is practically in tears, he's so terrified. I think he'll be better off if we get him out of here.

He asked how I can stay calm, knowing Taim is a Darkfriend or at bare minimum works with them.

I said, I don't have any other choice. Ever since that day I caught Taim plotting to steal from the Dragon Reborn, it's been keep a level head or lose my head for good.

Fian thinks I'm brave. I'm sorry, but if you think this is bravery maybe don't go back home to the Borderlands. I'm just doing my duty, which is a thing he really ought to have paid more attention to growing up less than twenty leagues from the Blightborder.

Ugh, Dolyn is getting more obnoxious by the minute. I'm sorry to make you do this yourself Hanled, but I lost too much sleep last night. Make sure you leave a nicely obfuscated trail in case Taim has someone who can read residues on hand.

The startled look on Fian's face when Hanled kissed me goodnight was priceless. Maybe he'll learn to quit taking things at face value.

Or maybe not. Who knows?

Writing a vitally important, lie-filled letter to a power-hungry sadist while I'm already tired is not how I hoped this night would end.

Sorry Naris, I'll handle this one. You can go back to sleep.

I've given Naris permission to throw me under the bus if things go south. Maybe one of us at least will get out alive.

No mention of the botched mission or Fian's disappearance in today's instructions. Sometimes this one day time lag is so frustrating.

On the other hand, the longer I can put off actually following any of Taim's orders, the better.

FINALLY she noticed the mess in the boxroom. She thinks one of the Black Ajah broke in to look through it, or maybe a Darkfriend on their orders. She IS paranoid enough to move the collection, thank the Light.

Unfortunately, she also noticed the missing angreal and spectacles.

It's so weird not being under siege all the time.

Hopefully we'll get more than a couple days of it before this OTHER army shows up. Nobody seems to know what that one's going to do.

Fian's name added to the deserter list this morning. As expected, but still hurts. Half expected mine or Hanled's to be there too, but Taim seems to be buying my lies for now. He wants to know if I need any help tracking down the cache. Not sure how to answer that yet.

Oh hey, there's a messenger from that other army this morning.

Essande has decided we're well enough along in our training that she only needs one of us at a time from now on. Naris took the morning shift and I'll take the evening.

Er, what am I going to do with all this extra time??

I guess there is one errand I really ought to run.

I THINK this is the way to the cells?

I doubt they're going to let a maid down there to gawk at the prisoners, so let's go with a Guardswoman disguise.

Mellar sure knows some words. Yikes.

Yeah, shut up, loser. I'm here with a message.

Made sure no one else was watching, then switched to my "Dolyn" face - with the beard. That got his attention.

He thinks Taim is going to spring him. I told him the M'hael can't make any moves for a few days because the Lady is on the alert, but told him to wait patiently. He bought it.

He did threaten to reveal me if I didn't get him out, and I told him good luck with that. Showed him a few of my best disguises and told him I wear a different face every time I turn the corner.

And now it's time to get out of here before someone realizes he's quit swearing.

In the clear. Phew.

I guess if I needed any more proof that Taim is a Darkfriend, then I got it. Problem is, no one knows how to find the Lord Dragon, except for Logain, who almost never shows up anymore.

I wonder if Hanled can slip away for a few minutes. I really need to keep him in the loop.

He's coming. :D

Not sure how I feel about him being able to weave a gateway straight to my room. I mean, it's definitely convenient....

No, I did not summon you just for a mid-morning smooch. I've got stuff Logain's faction needs to know.

Now we get to help the Lady get all fancy for meeting with the remaining House heads. I do love this green one she has.

Uh, where am I?

Did the hallways move again??

They did, ugh. I hope my room hasn't moved again; it was a real pain getting our message box sorted out after last time.

Everyone waiting on eggshells to hear what the House heads are saying to the Lady in the Grand Hall. They asked for safe conduct, which makes it sound like they're planning to fight. Probably dropping terms of surrender right now.

They're coming out. One Lady storming off with a scowl as thunderous as the rain outside.

The rest are ... heading to the Lady's apartments? Wait, what just happened?

One of them must have declared for her! That's ten then.

Light, ALL of them declared. Except the one who left in a huff.

https://twitter.com/WOTHolidays/status/1251843991072473089

I guess this means I get to play fetch for the rest of the afternoon.

Not that I'm complaining. This is WAY better than another siege.

I helped a Daughter-Heir put on this dress, and now I'm helping a Queen take it off. Guess I don't need to put THAT on my bucket list.

Is it weird that my mental picture of a queen was always some frumpy old lady in a fancy hat?

Oh my GOSH I've never seen Caemlyn so fancied up. I guess you don't get to crown a Queen every year.

Whoops, in all the hubbub over the coronation, I forgot to check the message box this morning. Better slip back to my rooms now, before I'm needed for something.

The answer I left last night about whether I needed help was a definitive no. I cited Fian's bungling and the near-disaster when Taim sent someone I didn't know to collect me from the palace. It's a very delicate situation, and I can work best if given time to do it right.

NOOOOOOOOOO please someone tell me I'm reading this message wrong. No no no no no!

Mazrim Taim ... wants me to assassinate Queen Elayne.

What do I do? I can run, but then he'll just send somebody else to do it for me. Even if I stay here, there isn't a single Dedicated in the Black Tower who can't match me for strength. I can't protect the Queen by myself!

Wait - there is ONE Dedicated weaker than me. Androl, the guy who picks up my messages. Maybe Logain's loyalists would help me?

If I can't get help from them ... I'm going to turn myself in. Captain-General Birgitte needs to know about this threat.

You know, I was really hoping to enjoy myself a bit today. >_>

Pomp, ceremony, and a threat of assassination looming unseen by any eyes but mine. Yay.

At least somebody busted out the good wine.

Normally I burn these notes as soon as I get them, but as ambiguous as this one is, it's still proof of Taim's intentions. If I could get it to the Lord Dragon somehow, maybe it would make a difference.

It really was a nice party.

Trying to stall for time by promising to do the deed after I investigate one more lead on the ter'angreal cache. Claiming to have pinpointed them in the west wing.

Woke up super early to have a chat with Androl, only to find Taim has not only replaced him, but he's started picking up my nightly messages a few hours early so he has time to reply.

The good news is, he seems to care enough about the ter'angreal cache that he's given me a grace period of a few days while I investigate my "lead." Then he goes, "my patience is not endless, and your punishment for failure will be swift and irrevocable."

Guess what, you traitorous pile of goat-leavings; I'm not going to fail you. I'm going to DEFY you, and also let everyone know what a murderous Darkfriend you are.

(It's just too bad I haven't figured out how to do this without also dying.)

Ok, so this morning's agenda:

1 - Clue in Naris that I've got plans concerning Taim that she does NOT want to know the details of. Plausible deniability and all that.

2 - Let Birgitte know somehow that Taim has Elayne in the crosshairs.

Maybe a written note for #2. Pass me the paper?

How's this sound?

"Mazrim Taim has sent his hounds after the Queen. Be wary."

I like how I've slipped in the implication that there's more than one "hound." Because even if I'm the only one with orders right now (which I find improbable), you can bet my brother's borrowed britches he'll send more once I don't do the job.

Ok, enough self-congratulation. Time to decide how to deliver this.

Drat, she's already left her quarters. Did she even sleep?

Not likely she'll get much sleep after I deliver this. Burn me, but why didn't the Lord Dragon assign the Lady an Asha'man bodyguard?

I could disguise myself as one of the other palace servants and say I was given the letter by a stranger.

No, but then what if she decides to interrogate whoever I duplicate later? She'll know there's an impostor in the palace somewhere.

Though I guess it's not a bad idea for her to be alert for that sort of thing....

Eh, I'll just put on Hanled's face.

The height might be a problem ... better make sure no one touches me.

Now to find a willing messenger.

There we go - the Guardswomen practicing in the courtyard. One of them will know how to find her.

Why am I not delivering this in person? Uh....

Because I don't have time to go traipsing all over the palace looking for someone who doesn't have an office. There we go.

Now for a suitably expeditious retreat ... done. Nix the disguise, and a backtrack to make sure they took me seriously.

They're opening it??

Shyeah, you BETTER run. Reading someone else's letters. 🙄

Mischief managed.

Whoops, nearly forgot to put my face back on. Scars have faded a lot, but my hair is still short on the one side.

Was afraid to look at this morning's message, but there's nothing terribly new in there. I know I can't expect that to be the case for much longer, though. Not when he knows I can literally reach out and touch Queen Elayne several times a day.

In some ways I hate all this extra free time, because it leaves me with too much time to think about what Taim will do when he finds out I've been playing him.

The Captain-General definitely looking more paranoid than usual today, but whenever Queen Elayne asks why, she puts her off. I guess she's got too much on her plate and Lady Birgitte doesn't want to add to it?

Today we're packing up for a round of state visits, which she'll take Naris with her for. Lady Birgitte seems reluctant to stay here this time, but at the same time in a hurry to see her off.

It does make sense. She can't know that Taim's would-be assassin is right here in this room hearing the entire agenda. Keep the Queen moving, give nobody advance warning to send off a message, and there's less chance of Taim getting anyone close to her.

Off they go.

It'll be weird having the room to myself on a night when Naris isn't off with Venson.

Essande will expect me to be out with my "aunt" tonight. I hope Hanled actually comes to get me. It feels like we haven't had a proper conversation in over a month.

Light, I haven't even finished that book he got me at Bel Tine. I've been so flustered with the corridors moving and all the ghosts, and don't even get me started on the half-spoiled food every other night or so.

And that's the last of the chores we need to do before Queen Elayne gets back. Essande votes we take a few days off.

Guess I might as well explore the city now that it's not under siege.

Making a guess as to which gate-in spot Hanled will choose tonight. Will be nice if I can actually be here waiting for him for a change.

Either I guessed wrong, or he's got a new one. He isn't far though.

Just leaped into his arms like a silly village girl. Don't even care right now. I need someone to hold me.

Let's go somewhere quiet. Somewhere I can forget for a minute that the future of a nation hangs on my ability to pull the wool over Taim's eyes for another week or so.

How long ago was our first visit to this beach? It feels like years. Not even sure it's been two months yet.

Kind of ... unloaded on him there. I mean he needs an update, but oof. I can feel the weight I just put on his shoulders.

Things are bad at the Black Tower, too. Taim's crew outnumbers the loyalists who were left behind when the Lord Dragon absconded with the rest, and the balance is sliding ever more in Taim's favor. Hanled says folks he would never have expected are turning their coats.

Taim has set three different people hunting Fian, but he was still safe the last time Hanled checked on him. I didn't ask where he was; I can't trust myself not to spill the beans if Dolyn comes out again.

I didn't really expect Hanled would know how to get this letter of Taim's to the Lord Dragon. Light, I want to be done with this charade!

I am so tempted to say hang it all, let the Queen fend for herself, and vanish into the night. I mean, what can I do? I can't stand against whoever Taim sends in after me. Hanled might, but he's still barely in the top third as far as strength in the power goes.

All right, no more negativity. Let's talk about something happier.

The house we want to build when this is all over - there's a good place to start.

It'll be a farmhouse, of course; none of that city life for us. Though I could see clear to being NEAR a city, I suppose.

You want HOW many kids? ...I'm sorry, my love, but unless you plan to bear a few of them yourself, I'm going to draw the line at five.

Where to build it? I mean, it doesn't HAVE to be in the Borderlands. I'm growing quite fond of Andor; maybe we could check out things around Whitebridge.

Visiting our families wouldn't be hard - just a quick hop through a Gateway. They'd be fine with Hanled channeling by then; eventually everyone will acknowledge that the Taint is gone, and the title of Asha'man will be as prestigious as that of Aes Sedai.

I'll be a celebrity myself, of course. No longer hiding who I am, I'll reveal that I'm a woman right after I earn my Dragon pin. That'll shock the socks off a few people.

Queen Elayne will pardon me for lying to her, and acknowledge that my presence kept Taim from sending somebody worse to spy on her. Who knows; maybe the Lord Dragon will commend me personally for protecting her?

This is my fantasy, Dolyn; I can put in anything I want.

No, we do not need a harem.

Can't stop yawning, but I don't want to head back to that stuffy little room in the palace yet. Can we sleep under the stars tonight?

I guess we will need blankets. Shall we grab some via gateway?

More than one, you big lump. We're not married yet.

I've got sand EVERYWHERE, lol. Next time I sleep on a beach, I'm bringing a tent or something.

Also, show me that weave you used to keep away the bugs last night. That sounds super useful.

Home? Heck no; I'm off for the next day and a half, at least. I could use some breakfast, though.

I guess ocean fish don't like shallow water. Good thing I've got a hairbrush made of Air, because I think we're going into town for our meal.

Where to, though? I've been all over Caemlyn.

Oh, now THAT's an idea I LIKE.

Tear is totally the Lord Dragon's domain. It wouldn't be at all surprising to run into the man himself. AND we could have ocean fish for breakfast.

I did not think Tear would smell this bad. Bit muddy, too.

Whatever. We're on an adventure.

It is Very Weird walking arm-in-arm down a city street with a properly accoutered Asha'man and not having anyone freak out about it.

Don't get me wrong - we're drawing eyes. But those eyes acknowledge our right to be here.

I almost want to go back to the palace and grab my own coat and pin, just to feel what it's like.

Naw. This is better.

No, not that one. I don't think I could eat in a tavern that smells THAT fishy.

This one's much better.

And there's a Gleeman practicing in the corner. I wonder if we could get him to play this early?

Hanled, let me handle this. You're frightening the poor tavernkeeper to death with that coat.

There we go, goodman. The scary Asha'man is waaay over there, not even looking at you.

We'd like the fish.

He wants to know how I can flirt with "a man like that." I told him it's hard not to fall for a guy who can take you all the way to Tear just for breakfast.

Mmm, spicy.

Hanled's worried that someone will notice he's gone, but I asked the Gleeman if he'd play one dance for us first.

He's MUCH better at dancing than he used to be at kissing.

All right, you're right; it's time to get back home. I would love to look around for the Lord Dragon, but no one has seen him in a while. If he were this easy to find, Taim wouldn't be going crazy searching for him.

Straight to my room, please. I really need to freshen up.

Uh-oh. Hanled is definitely getting reprimanded right now.

He's sending me "totally worth it" vibes through the bond, but that doesn't stop me from feeling guilty. Did I really need a fish that badly?

The beating is finally over. Now it feels like he's in the stocks. 😭

I can't share his punishment with him, but I can do my own sort of penance. Not going to eat again until he's out.

"Take what you want, and pay for it," as they say.

Freshened up, but there's nothing I can do for this dress I slept in from here. Might as well wash it myself, since I have the day off.

Guardswoman in the hall looked at me funny when I came out. Is my disguise in place??

No, it looks fine. Maybe she just has indigestion.

Is she following me?

No, that's a different one. Man, I'm getting paranoid.

Definitely not paranoia. I'm surrounded. The Captain-General is marching up toward me.

Uh, hi?

Under arrest??

LIGHT, SHE KNOWS!

Keep calm keep calm keep calm. Wait for your chance to run.

That corridor there leads to the open courtyard. Five more steps ... and, GO!

OOF! That Kinswoman was waiting for me! If I can just ... Light, where's my ter'angreal?

Must have left it in my dirty dress. Dropped that back there. I could reach it ... if I weren't ... so very ... sleepy.

Hnnng, where am I?

Oh. It's a cell.

Well I guess I saw THIS coming.

What did I do wrong? How did I slip up?

Like it matters. I'll probably be executed soon.

Hanled, I'm sorry.

Footsteps coming this way. Will they take me to the hangman right away, or wait until Queen Elayne gets back?

I wish I knew how long Hanled would be in the stocks. T_T

It's Captain-General Birgitte. She wants to know how long I've been spying for the Black Tower.

I don't think playing dumb will get me anywhere; I just want to know how she figured it out.

Ahh. The spectacles.

Somebody spotted me wearing them before I put my disguise back on the other day. She had people waiting to question me, and when I came back via gateway instead of the palace gates, I blew it.

She thinks she'll catch Hanled when he comes to collect me? Good luck with that. I've seen how weak these Kin are.

Oh. I guess she COULD speak to the Aes Sedai in the city.

I told her Hanled isn't the one who takes my messages; he's just my fiance.

Huh. I expected more of a reaction than that.

Light, there's no help for me, is there? She found the letter in my pocket; the one I was trying to take to the Lord Dragon. Fat chance she'll believe me on that one.

Called it. >_<

She wants to know how I planned to assassinate Queen Elayne. She doesn't know I can channel.

Well, that I COULD channel if I knew where my ter'angreal was.

Light, somebody needs to warn Naris.

All right, fine. You want to know what Taim's been up to? Better hold on tight.

And she doesn't believe me. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned the time-warping chamber.

She said something about "a conversation with Master Lounalt," and then left.

One a scale of "meh" to "kill me now," how worried should I be??

I'm really not as upset about this as I thought I would be.

Don't get me wrong; I don't WANT to die. It's just that I've known I was GOING to for so long that it's a relief to know it's finally over.

And I am really, REALLY glad that I don't have to lie to people anymore.

The screams from the next cell over are less than comforting.

Is that Mellar?

The screaming has stopped. Two guards at the door to my cell.

They're ... a lot bigger than Hanled.

There's my things through that door! The ter'angreal, still disguised as an old wooden thing.

It's no good. I'm too far away to use it.

Creepy old guy with a bunch of tools I don't want to know the purpose of. I have a feeling I'm about to, though.

Guy seems to think he can scare me into talking by explaining what everything does. Just get on with it, please.

Or ... not? Now they're taking me back to my cell.

No, not to my cell. Lady Birgitte wants to talk to me again.

I swear, I'm not holding anything back. I'm the only assassin Taim sent, that I know about. Only way he's going to send another is if he doesn't hear back from me soon.

I begged her to get that letter to the Lord Dragon somehow. Now she thinks the paper itself might have a trap woven into it.

I told her to use the spectacles (they fell off my face somewhere; I assume she has them), but she knows about inverted weaves and isn't buying it.

Same questions over and over. I swear I never even contemplated murdering Queen Elayne. Taim really hasn't sent anyone else, that he's told me. No, I didn't share her agenda with him. I haven't even told him she's out of the city; I forgot to send a message last night.

Now she "knows" I'm lying, because I came home with an Asha'man. Back in the cell I go.

Chained to the wall this time. High up, so I can't sit down.

This is not good.

Dolyn standing in the corner, hungry-eyed, waiting for me to get tired so she can come out and play.

I guess we get to find out how good I've gotten at sleeping on my feet.

Hanled worried about me. Wish there were some way to warn him not to come. There's no way to tell how many Aes Sedai the Captain-General recruited to catch him; I know there were a good half dozen in the city at last count.

That's assuming he can even get away. Taim might have someone watching him, even after he's let out of the stocks.

It's a good thing I have so much practice standing in place, between the morning meetings, the sword training, and all the waiting on the Queen.

Yay, my dinner has arrived.

The guard set it on the floor just inside the door, and smirked as he walked away.

I've decided I'm not cool with this after all. Not because I was actually planning to eat it, but because I'm sitting here suffering for Mazrim Taim's crimes. If the Queen executes me when she returns, that bloody Darkfriend still gets the last laugh.

So cold. And my arms are really tired of sitting in this position.

If I could just ... shift the chain, a little bit....

Ow ow ow, no that way is worse.

Shut UP, Dolyn.

Ugh, she won't quit singing. Badly.

Need to think about something else. Maybe if I meditate, it will be almost as good as sleep.

Flame and the void. That muted her a bit. Now imagine a weave ... something complex, I think. Let's go with a gateway.

That helped. She's down to a whisper.

Now, how did the saidar version go? Something like this?

Stupid rat eating my dinner.

And oh look. He brought friends.

Would be really great if I could weave a thread of fire and scorch them out of existence.

Aww, so close. Tried to smack one of them with my shoe, but missed.

And now my foot is cold. So that backfired.

Don't take a dump in my ... oh, gross!

Stupid rats. Stupid Dolyn. Stupid me forgetting my stupid disguise.

Please. Stop. Singing.

I think I was actually asleep there for a while, but then it got too cold.

Is it morning yet? It's too dark down here to tell.

Also, I really need to pee. T_T

They finally let Hanled out of the stocks. Feels like he's sleeping.

I c-can't s-s-stop shivering.

Must have ... passed out. Woke up with a bucket full of washwater in my face, arms numb from fingertips to shoulder.

Lady Birgitte tried to ask me a question but I couldn't make my tongue work.

She finally let me out of the chains. I don't think I let Dolyn out either. Would rather freeze to death than let her out.

Ahh, my arms are like fire!

Just gonna ... lie here some more.

Why is my face so hot when the floor is so cold? Heh. It's kinda funny, if you think about it.

Hanled...? You can't be here. The Aes Sedai will hang your head on the Traitors Trow. Tratiers Tree. UGh, my tongue is broken.

Did you buy my other shoe?

Light, it's a good thing Hanled knows Healing. So lightheaded still. And HANGRY.

Yeah, um ... I don't think I should try walking any time soon.

I can't believe I didn't even last one night in that dungeon before getting delirious with a fever. I'm such a wuss.

Hanled points out that we did sleep on the beach the night before. He's not feeling so great himself.

Apparently Lady Birgitte was bluffing when she said she would have Aes Sedai watching for Hanled. He practically walked in the front door, half-panicking when I didn't respond to his ear-pinch.

That's not good. It's been two days since I sent a message to Taim; he has to have realized my cover is blown by now. If there's no Aes Sedai in the city that Queen Elayne can trust, then she'll be an easy target for Taim's next assassin.

I need my ter'angreal. And some paper ... definitely a change of clothing. Grab me those and get back to the Black Tower before Taim decides that you've....

Oh.

Hanled's name was placed on the deserter's list the moment he came to save me.

Idiot. The Captain-General was probably already looking for someone to Heal me. She wouldn't have let me die before extracting all my secrets.

Well that's it then. The time has come to cut our ties with Taim and make our stand against him.

Now, get me my coat from the palace, please.

I've been thinking about how to stand up to Taim with my meager ability. I've realized I can't - not by myself.

I need help. Hanled, first off. Fian, if he's willing. But it's time to show the Captain General my hand.

Heh. My hand is shaking pretty badly right now. I probably ought to have had Hanled write this, but I'm mostly done already.

Here goes: "Meet me on the roof of the narrow southwest tower. Bring whoever you need to feel safe."

Now put that where my ter'angreal and such were, then take us there.

Light, it feels good to be back in my black coat again. I don't even mind the breeches anymore. Definitely have missed my sword.

Still pretty weak-kneed. I'm just gonna ... sit right here. Hanled, you stand behind me, but let me do the talking.

Yes, her name really is Birgitte. You'll see.

I could literally eat horse right now and not even care.

Patience, Ashalyn; your appetite is what got you into this mess.

Maybe I SHOULD have grabbed a snack at least. Won't do me any good if I pass out before she gets here.

Too late now. There are archers gathering on the other towers.

Hanled, you've got a shield of Air up, right? I can't see without my glasses.

Here she comes. Pair of Guardswomen in front of her; whoever they are, they're very brave. One of the Kin trailing behind. Well at least she came.

First thing out of the Captain-General's mouth, "So you're a man?"

Why does EVERYONE think that as soon as I put on pants? Is my face really that unfeminine?

No, I'm not a man, but I am an Asha'man. It's complicated. Yes, this is who I've been from the start. Yes, I was spying on you for Taim, but only so I could spy on Taim for the Lord Dragon.

"Did the Dragon Reborn send you?"

Yeah, I wish I could say that he did, but no. I sent myself.

Also, we're technically deserters, so it would be great if nobody told Taim we're here.

Why am I still here? Simple. Taim doesn't give up once he sets his sights on something, and he wants Queen Elayne dead. Why now instead of before her coronation, I don't know. But you aren't equipped to face him.

We ... aren't really equipped either, but we're better than nothing. We might at least see him coming. If the Queen will have us, we'll swear to obey her second only to the Lord Dragon himself.

*sigh* I knew this would be a hard sell.

She doesn't think Queen Elayne will go for it. She refuses to be seen accepting the Lord Dragon's help, and setting herself publicly against Mazrim Taim will be even worse.

Burn me, I wanted to be done with secrecy, but fine. What if we stay here as bodyguards, but unknown to the Queen? I can't think that the Lord Dragon would leave her undefended if he knew Taim's intentions.

She's considering it, "but only because of the warning."

What warning??

Ahh, I should have realized. She only came up here because my handwriting was the same as that first note I sent her. Which is the reason she ended up suspecting me in the first place, so it's about time that good deed stopped biting me in the ... you know.

She wants to have the rest of this conversation somewhere more private. Works for me; those archers are making me nervous.

As much as I enjoy having people stand in awe of me, let's not go parading through the palace in our black coats. How's brown sound to you, Hanled?

Eek, I knew I should have eaten first. Those stairs nearly did me in.

Lady Birgitte apologizes for my dinner being delivered improperly. It wasn't her idea.

Bread and broth never tasted so good.

Here's what we've worked out so far. Hanled and maybe Fian join the palace staff as porters, or possibly guardsmen once the Captain-General evaluates their swordsmanship. I remain in my current position as maid slash bodyguard, only I report to Lady Birgitte instead of Taim.

That's not enough though. I generally only spend a small part of my day actually with Queen Elayne. I would be in a much better position to protect her if I could leave the palace when she does.

Maybe as a Guardswoman?

Yes I can use a sword. I'm better than Hanled at it, thanks.

Conditions: we don't ask for special treatment. Nobody knows who we are except the women who have already seen our faces. I wear a disguise when performing guard duty, so Queen Elayne will have no reason to question my presence there.

We don't channel unless absolutely necessary - yes she's heard that saidin is clean but doesn't care. We're hiding from Taim as well.

And we show her who the other Black Tower spies are so they can be dismissed or misdirected, as she sees fit.

We find out some way to make the Black Tower think we're dead. An execution notice should do the trick, as long as the right people hear about it.

Hmm, we may need to add Venson to our list. If Taim suspects I'm not dead, or even if he doesn't, he'll want to coordinate the next steps through Naris.

And finally, we swear by our hope of salvation and rebirth to follow the Guardsman's oath in every way which does not interfere with our duties to the Dragon Reborn.

Regarding the ter'angreal cache - the Captain-General will ask the Lady Elayne to place inverted wards on it when she returns, citing another attempted theft. Hanled will also place wards. I may continue to borrow the spectacles, so long as I'm guarding the Queen.

I must also seek out every opportunity to return the male angreal I stole, as long as it doesn't threaten my cover here.

I'll relish that one, to be honest.

We're sworn in, and Hanled is going to talk to Fian. I'm to show the Captain-General how we usually send messages.

I told her I was grateful for the chance to make up for working for Taim all this time. She's like, "oh, you'll make up for it all right."

So yeah, she's still upset at me. But I can deal with it.

So my punishment/excuse for "Sephanie" to spend so much time with the Guardswomen? I get to clean their uniforms. :P

The story is that I "volunteered" by playing a prank on the laundresses. So I have a reputation - as an excuse for someone to keep an eye on me while I work.

That someone will either be Caseille or Deni, who are the only ones who know that I am also *drumroll* Ashalyn Sarako, Guardswoman trainee.

That's right, I finally got my name back. (Sarako is Fian's last name, and he'll be my cousin - assuming he comes back with Hanled.)

I would really prefer to be Ashalyn Amaru, but we're going to need some wedding vows before that happens. >_>

So for my disguise, I'm going to impersonate Fian's little sister, except I'll be older and keep my actual scars. I've kind of grown attached to them.

Hanled is back. He feels ... optimistic. I don't get that from him very often.

Fian IS with him. Looks a bit the worse for wear, but aren't we all after yesterday?

The Captain-General wants to know how much we trust him.

Hmm, well we trust that he's not a Darkfriend. The way he went pale when he found out he'd helped the Black Ajah was pretty convincing.

I don't know if we'd trust him not to run at the first sign of trouble.

So Fian gets to be a porter. He'll also take the night watch to feel for channeling in the city. Hanled has the day watch. Since I can't sense it but can at least counter weaves I can see, I'm the last line of defense.

The Captain-General is sufficiently impressed with Hanled's swordsmanship that he can be a Guardsman. I mean I guess he did handle himself all right in the fighting at the end of the siege.

Oh, did I forget to mention we were there? You're welcome, by the way. Some of that lightning was aimed at you.

I did not get these scars at that battle. They were definitely from lightning, though.

No, they aren't from Dumai's Wells, either. I'm surprised she knows about that.

We failed our first test, lol. All three of us saluted wrong. Gotta practice the Andoran way, not the Asha'man way.

Deni Colford thinks my life story might make a good Gleeman's tale. I told her ditto, 'cause dang, have you met the woman?

All right, back to cleaning coats for me.

Deni - yeah, she's my minder tonight - asked me why I was crying. (It's been a long day, ok?) I said it was such a relief to finally have people besides Hanled who knew who I really was. It's been almost half a year since I could just be myself.

This is something I never thought I would be doing - sitting in the palace gardens with Hanled.

I mean, there are at least 2 people watching to make sure we behave ourselves, so it's not exactly private, but it's still something we've never really had before.

Hanled wants to know if this fulfills my requirements for a wedding.

I don't know, honestly. It's definitely a whole lot closer to what I had in mind.

I want to say yes, but I also don't want to make any decisions before I know how things are going to shake out.

I guess we still have a curfew. Captain-General Birgitte's orders.

Some things never change. 🤷

Bit disorienting waking up in a different room. Not as much privacy in this one; have to share it with three other maids. Naris will be housed somewhere else, assuming she passes Lady Birgitte's inspection.

Reporting for duty with Hanled makes everything else worth it.

Captain-General wants to know whether we know any weave which can disrupt saidin gateways from being made inside the palace grounds - or better yet, the city.

That would be nice, wouldn't it.

Hanled thinks he might have one that can at least detect them, but he's not sure it can cover something as large as the palace.

Hang on - what if we used Androl's anchoring method? We lay down the important parts of the ward at specific points, and then link them together with a thinner thread of saidin?

We have permission to try it.

A weave for detecting an actual gateway seems to be too hard for Hanled or Fian to spread out so far, but since gateways (except Androl's) use a tremendous amount of the Power, Hanled thinks he can set the wards to trigger at a certain threshold instead.

He wants to set the limit at the maximum amount of the Power I can channel. Still plenty of deadly weaves which use less than that, but at least it won't trigger from my mask of mirrors that way.

The Captain-General grudgingly approves.

She didn't want me using the Power at all when I'm within reach of the Queen, but I pointed out that even if I cut my hair and tried to cover up my scars with makeup, there's no guarantee that she won't walk past me when I'm ... heh. When I'm in my "Ashalyn" disguise. :P

The palace-sized ward SEEMS to be working....

Looks like it will only trigger once. Will have to be reset each time.

Hanled has exempted a corner of the grounds from the weave - a spot behind some trees where we can make a small gateway without dismantling the ward.

Now for some kind of signal to alert those of us who can't channel when the ward triggers.

How about a thunderclap? Light knows weirder things than a thunderclap without lightning have been going on these days. Most people will simply shrug it off.

Well that's done. Now it's back to cleaning uniforms for me, and Hanled and Fian need their orientation since they've never worked here before.

Naris and Queen Elayne are back; I can tell by all the noise in the corridor.

I'm ... not allowed to greet them. Lady Birgitte wants to interview Naris before I talk to her. She has one chance to give the same story I did, or we're both off to the gallows.

They're taking forever. T_T

Finally my turn. I'm being escorted by two guards and a Kinswoman who is definitely strong enough to shield me (and knows how to do it properly).

I'm thinking that's a Bad Sign.

Naris tackle-hugged me on her way out. She has her own escort.

At least she doesn't hate me now.

And the Captain-General has on her scary face. Clearly I did something wrong.

Ahh. She wants to know why I didn't mention Dolyn.

It's very simple, actually. I promised I wouldn't expect her to go easy on me, and complaining that I need to get a proper amount of sleep to keep the voice in my head from taking over sounds too much like an excuse.

I can handle her, really. I kept her inside when I was in the dungeon, and I really don't expect my duties to be as strenuous as that was.

Yes, she's more annoying when I'm tired, but she has only ever gained control while I was in Taim's torture--I mean training--room.

Since I don't plan to ever go back there, I don't believe it will be an issue.

ESSANDE put in a good word for me? Since when did I ever do anything that impressed HER?

Oh. She said I "always do more than my share of the work." What can I say? I hate leaving a job half done.

I ... I passed.

She's sufficiently convinced that I had plenty of opportunity to assassinate Queen Elayne after Mazrim Taim's order (but didn't), and also that I did my best to protect the ter'angreal cache. She'll allow us within sight of the Queen again, with supervision.

Dang it, I did the wrong salute again.

Lady Birgitte wants to know if there's any chance we can continue making false reports to Taim. I doubt it; it's been 3 days since I last reported, and she claims there was nothing new in the box when she checked it. My name is probably on the deserter's list by now.

Venson will know for certain when he comes to pick up Naris tonight.

All right, there's work to be done, and past time we got started on it.

Essande giving me an earful for "pranking the Guardswomen." So she doesn't know.

Naris is freaking out because Venson isn't headed for the palace yet. She says he feels frustrated and angry.

No need to panic yet. Maybe he just earned extra chores.

(Is what I told her, but of course my brain is trying to decide what the worst case scenario could possibly be here.)

They DID send someone to pick up Naris. It isn't Venson.

The guards have been instructed to say they can't find her.

We need to make a decision NOW. If Naris goes in, she can claim I simply disappeared while she was out of Caemlyn. BUT, if Taim doesn't believe her, then we have two of ours trapped there instead of one.

Lady Birgitte says she already sent a messenger to the Black Tower informing Taim that his spies have been executed.

Light, she doesn't know. Asha'man BOND their wives, like Warders. If anyone is watching Venson, they'll know it's a lie!

There's no way to get a rider there in time to stop the messenger. They might already have reached the Black Tower. This was not on my list of worst-case scenarios!

We have to get Venson out of there. One of us can gate in, find him before Taim gets the message and decides to have him watched.

Fian says "not me." You weren't ever an option, thanks. Hanled wants to go, but he's the strongest of the three of us. If Taim does send somebody else, we need him here.

No but listen. I'm the expendable one here. I can't even sense saidin. If I don't come back, our defense strategy will take a hit, but not a large one. Plus, I'm the best at disguises.

Hanled says he'll let me be the one to go, but only on one condition. If we get Venson out and I come back alive, he wants a wedding. No more putting him off.

All right, it's a deal.

Pending the Captain General's approval, of course?

She doesn't see any other choice, so it's a go.

Hanled, I need help choosing a disguise. Someone who's been out of the Tower for a while, and doesn't have any friends he left behind.

Preferably someone kind of short?

Bardo is perfect, lol. xD

Uniform and sword for realism ... oh. I still need to cross the courtyard. There now I'm a Guardswoman.

We're really doing this. Deep breaths. Naris, I promise I'll get him out somehow. Hanled, how about a kiss before I toss on my final disguise? You're welcome.

Lady Birgitte, it was nice working for you, and if I don't come back alive, please go easy on Hanled and Fian for me?

On my own. Again. Hopefully for the last time.

I think the Black Tower is this way?

Walking toward the unmistakable sound of rocks exploding. #BlackTowerLife

My heart wants to pound right out of my chest.

Uh, hi guys. Was just out ... taking a leak.

Venson's room should be in ... that building.

Black Tower has never felt like enemy territory before. Not even at the beginning.

He's not here. Do I wait, or go looking for him??

If the messenger is here already and Taim is interrogating Venson ... there's nothing I can do if that's the case. I can't just wait though.

Where would I be right now if I were him?

Right. I would be at the Traveling ground, waiting for Naris to appear.

Bingo!

I know you have like zero friends, Bardo, but what did you do to piss Venson off??

Come on, man. I've got news about your girl. Just step this way a sec.

Little farther ... no, I'm not going to prank you. It's me, Ashalyn.

Never mind what happened to my face. Can we go somewhere private?

On second thought - it's actually your fault my face is like this, so thanks for being such a loudmouth.

Just get in here.

So here's the deal. A messenger is about to arrive from Caemlyn with news that Naris and I have been executed for treason. No, it doesn't matter why. Look, will you shut up for once?

Point is, Taim will know it's a lie because you're not over here freaking out. We need to get you out of here.

Yes I know my name's on the deserter list. That's because Mazrim freaking Taim wants me to assassinate the Queen of Andor.

That's why we need you. We're fortifying the city in case he sends someone else to do what we wouldn't.

What do you mean, "won't come?" Naris is waiting for you!

Oh for ... you think your head is any less likely to end up decorating the Traitor's Tree if you stay here? I know how you are at keeping secrets!

Ok, that's actually a really good point. It WOULD be nice to have someone here who can keep us informed.

But it's still a terrible idea!

Someone at the door. Disguise time.

It's Mishraile. That messenger must be here already.

Venson is ... actually not a bad actor. He grabbed Mishraile's coat and demanded to know why Naris is terrified out of her wits.

(Although she probably is terrified out of her wits. For him.)

Mishraile was surprised she isn't dead already. Venson was all "say what??" and opened a gateway outside Caemlyn right here in his room. About cut Mishraile's foot off.

Now we're chasing him. Because Mishraile outranks Bardo, and he said to.

Mishraile caught him. Got him shielded - must be using that angreal to be so strong.

This has all gone horribly wrong. Unless ... no, Venson's gone crazy! He's ... actually convinced Mishraile that he felt Naris die. I would believe it myself if I didn't know for a fact that Birgitte wouldn't do such a thing.

"I'm the one who was supposed to die." Ouch.

I take back everything I said before; Venson could get a job as one of those "players" the Queen has been hiring recently.

Watching that was ... traumatic.

I think it's time for me to slip away. By which I mean, inverted invisibility weave, baby.

Just give it up, Mishraile. Bardo isn't here. (Seriously.)

Eek, that weave-slicing trick almost got me. Another couple inches and Venson's whole charade would have been for nothing.

Patience, Hanled. I have to wait for Mishraile to give up and go home.

With Venson, who is still weeping inconsolably. And who I promised to bring back with me. ARGH.

All right; NOW I need that gateway.

Naris is still here, and in one piece. Venson almost had ME convinced.

I'm sorry, I couldn't make him come. I did make it in time - barely.

He does know to come to the Palace if things at the Black Tower go south. No, he uh ... didn't chicken out. What are you talking about? He just thinks we'll need advance warning if Taim decides to come for us.

We don't have an established way to send messages, but hear me out. I had this idea forever ago about how we could make a code with short and long ear pinches.

Can we work out the details during dinner? I'm starving.

Naris gonna need extra hugs tonight.

I'm sorry. I really did try.

Hanled wants to know whether this counts as far as our agreement earlier, since I didn't actually bring Venson out.

It counts. I came back alive, so it counts. Unless Naris has an objection? No?

Looks like we're good.

I guess I have a wedding to plan.

This is so surreal.

(No idea when I'm going to find time to plan it, when I still have all these dresses the Queen took with her to get clean and aired out.)

My Guardswoman uniform is ready. I don't get to wear it yet, though. The Captain-General still doesn't trust me.

I get that running when she caught me was not a great look. Maybe that was the wrong move, but I came back of my own free will to do a job nobody EVER asked me to do.

If I really wanted to assassinate the Queen, I could have grabbed Hanled or Venson or even Mishraile, and done it before she ever got back to Caemlyn. But I came to YOU, Lady Birgitte, because I want to HELP.

...She has conceded the point. I can put it on tomorrow; it would be suspicious if I quit before all these uniforms were clean.

Lucky Hanled, lol. His watch post is up in the tallest tower - best view in Caemlyn. The thing even has a roof, so he's in the shade most of the day.

He doesn't feel TOO bored; I'm betting he's already made friends with his minders.

The Captain-General's cover story for Hanled and Fian is really quite clever. They and their minders are part of a new squad called the Skywatchers. The supposedly keep an eye out for things like Draghkar and those flying Seanchan whatsits.

Fian's part as a porter during the night watch is as a lamp-lighter, in case the watchers see anything and need to run a message downstairs. There's three other towers doing the same thing, just without any undercover Asha'man.

We finished working out our code for Naris to communicate with Venson sans gateways. Rather than short and long pinches we decided to go with left-side, right-side, to make messages quicker.

Naris will try to deliver the key for it later today, after her shift as tirewoman is over. Hanled will take her closer to the Black Tower and see whether Venson will follow the bond to her.

We think it's unlikely that he will be able to get away today, since they'll have him on suicide watch after her supposed execution. We'll keep trying until we get it to him.

Hanled wants me to learn the code too. *sigh* Guess I have some studying to do.

Naris waited as long as she could on the other side of the gateway, but Venson didn't come.

I mean, we didn't really expect him to, but it's still a bummer.

If I could pay Taim back for just one thing, it's what he's done to Naris and Venson. They never wanted to be part of his games. That is literally why Venson sent her to Caemlyn.

I need to keep my face in check. Essande thinks I'm upset because the Captain-General is punishing me.

The Captain-General kept her promise. I'm in my new uniform, wearing my new face, starting my Guardswoman training. I'm trying really, really hard to remember that I'm here to protect Queen Elayne, but I've been admiring them from afar for so long that it's hard not to be giddy.

Hanled, up on his tower, is amused that I'm so ridiculously happy right now. I caught him watching me, so I know it's me he's laughing at, lol.

I don't think I've ever been this happy. Like, I know Taim will come for us soon, and Tarmon Gai'don is right around the corner, but I'm doing the things I love again, with people I care about, and I feel like I can make a difference.

If I die tomorrow, my one regret will be that I didn't make it to my wedding night.

(Which IS tomorrow. But like ... at the end of it.)

We're having it at the Queen's Blessing, which is sort of an in-joke, since Essande and the Queen are the only people in Caemlyn who I care about that won't be there.

Essande DOES know we're attending a wedding in the morning - "our friend Ashalyn's" wedding. She's ok with covering any wardrobe needs the Queen has during the day, so long as one of us is there at morning and evening. Naris says she'll cover both, AND do my hair. She's so sweet.

The one thing I'm suuuuuper nervous about is inviting our parents. If Taim is looking for me and Hanled (and Fian), he could very well have our village watched right now.

I'm thinking we'll pop in, have everyone grab their feastday clothes, and find them rooms in the city for tonight. There's a lot that can go wrong with that plan, but it minimizes the time we spend in a place anyone will look for us.

Planning my wedding like it's some kinda heist. Heh.

Wow. I wouldn't call my self "out of shape," but it has definitely been too long since I had a proper training session.

Good news is, my form hasn't slipped in the interim.

I finally got the salute right. 😆

Still can't reach Venson, but Naris says he's fine. Anxious, and sometimes she feels him hamming it up for someone, but otherwise unharmed.

Mission Pick Up the Parents is a go. We've got our rooms paid for - good thing I've been saving up - and we're Skimming from here because Hanled doesn't want to spend all night learning the room.

I've never done Skimming before, so this is exciting.

It's so ... empty. Endless blackness, going on forever in all directions.

Forget exciting; how about terrifying?

WE ARE NOT BRINGING MY PARENTS BACK THIS WAY, THANKS.

Feet on solid ground again. No sign of Taim's goons that we can tell. Onward to Hanled's house.

Yes I know I'm being a chicken by not going to mine first. Deal with it.

We're in the door. Hanled's mom is making such a fuss over both of us.

...Apparently my folks have been giving them grief over what I said during our last visit. This might not go as well as I hoped.

They said a couple guys showed up looking for Hanled yesterday, but didn't look like they expected to find him here. Hopefully that wasn't a ruse.

I know you haven't talked to your parents in forever, but we need to hurry this up.

Wow. I hope my parents will take the news half as well as his are.

It's not a very STRONG hope. In fact, I fully expect them to freak out.

Get your parents settled into their room and then come find me.

I think there will be less noise at the door if I go in disguised as Tinya. Just in case anyone's watching.

That's assuming it isn't Tinya herself who opens the door, of course.

Huh, they didn't even lock it. Fine then; I'll go in and wake them as myself.

No, you're not dreaming. I'm here to invite you to my wedding.

This is not open for debate. I'm getting married tomorrow and I want you to be there.

Please dad, just get your things. T_T

And now everyone's awake. Hanled, just hang out for a minute while I get them calmed down.

No we can't just have the ceremony here. I have friends in Caemlyn who I also invited.

It's all set up already; please just grab your nice coat and I promise to bring you all back in the morning.

All right, fine. We'll go have it without you.

Well that didn't help a single bit. Dad thinks I'm bluffing, mom is crying, and my brothers are making such a ruckus I had to toss up an inverted sound ward so they couldn't wake the neighbors.

Will all of you just shut up for a minute!

You think there's something wrong with Hanled because he can channel saidin? Well guess what - so can I.

That's right; I'm an Asha'man. Since apparently none of you can deal with that, I'm going back to Caemlyn without you.

They're ... not following me out.

I think I scared them too much weaving that illusion of my black coat.

I ... never mind. Just take me home.

Maybe they'll forgive me someday.

Of course I'm crying; I just scared the living daylights out of everyone I love. Er, besides you.

I'm not up to walking back to the palace right now. I might as well sleep at the inn; I already paid for the room.

All right, you can gate me back if you insist. I guess I did leave my best dress at the palace.

All that arguing wore me out, which is just as well since Dolyn is making fun of me for thinking I could get them to accept Hanled. Odds are 50/50 I'll cry myself to sleep anyway.

So.

It's the big day.

Nobody told me it was supposed to feel this intense.

Don't know what to do with myself for the morning so I'm helping Naris after all. Captain-General Birgitte (she doesn't actually LIKE being called a Lady, but Essande drilled it into us) demanding a breakdown of everywhere we plan to be today.

Hanled won't tell me all of it. O_o Made me leave the room while he told her.

We made short work of the morning's chores, and Naris borrowed the spare hairdressing set from Essande. Hanled says I can use his parents' room to get ready; they're out exploring the city.

Guys, Naris is amazing. She figured out how to do up my hair so it completely hides the short bits. And most of my scars, too. 😍

Hair done, all dressed, final bits handled with mask of mirrors (I'm not vain; I just don't want to explain about my fight with those Dedicated today). Hanled is back from ... whatever errand he was running that he wouldn't tell me about.

Time to get this show on the road.

They're ... they're HERE?

My family is HERE! Oh Hanled, I LOVE you!

So are Deni and Lieutenant Caseille, and Kinswoman Sumeko (is that the right title?), plus both of Hanled's minders (sorry I don't know their names). It's not as many people as I'd hoped to have at my wedding, but it's definitely more than I was expecting.

There's also a few bemused inn patrons, which I don't even mind, and ... someone else coming in the door...?

It's the Captain-General. O_O

"I can't miss the wedding of one of the Queen's own bodyguard," she says, right in front of everyone.

Both of my parents' jaws just about hit the floor.

The officiator tried to hand his job off to the Captain-General, lol. She was all, "I'm just here to watch."

I guess you can't have everything, right? 😆

(Of course, if we're talking EVERYTHING, I suppose it would be the Queen officiating. Or maybe the Lord Dragon.)

About time Hanled started feeling nervous.

Omigosh I'm getting married.

Hanled's worried that he doesn't have his vows MEMORIZED?

(Naris, you have my notes, right??)

I only stuttered twice.

Now that the embarrassing part is over, all we need is to jump the broom.

Uh, nobody brought a broom. I guess they don't do that around here. 😆

There we go. The cook found one.

And that's it. We're married. I thought it would feel different, lol.

"Mistress Amaru." Hmm, I love it.

The reception is in there? How are we going to fit all these people inside ... oh. There's a gateway. To the beach! :D

The Guardsmen doing a double-take on the way through. I guess they aren't as used to walking through gateways as the Queen's bodyguards are.

I've never even SEEN some of this fruit Hanled found. No wonder he was jumping everywhere this morning.

The Captain-General didn't come through, sadly. She does have a city to run.

And I guess someone had to make sure nobody who wasn't supposed to walked through that gateway.

My voice is going to be completely gone by the time I finish telling all of my brothers what I've been up to the last five months.

Hanled has started sending people home already. Normally we'd party for the whole day, but most of them didn't get a chance to feed the chickens or whoever before they left.

Tinya got left home to milk the cows, which is a shame because I really wanted to introduce her to Naris.

Party has pretty much wrapped up now. It's just my parents and his parents giving their "life advice" talks that I can tell Hanled is only half listening to. The other half feels like it's distracted with, um ... thinking about me.

Simmer down, love. We'll get to that part soon.

They FINALLY left. I was starting to think that was gonna go on forever. :P

Now Sumeko is taking our minders home so we can have some officially sanctioned alone time.

First order of business: finally going swimming in that ocean right there.

Yikes, what IS that thing? It's like a purple spider but huge and spiny with these great big pinchy claws on the front?

Hanled wonders if they taste good. No thanks; I do not want to eat a giant purple spike-spider!

I am pretty hungry though. Let's go see what those birds (What did Caseille call them? Galls? Seagalls?) have left us from our wedding brunch.

All that swimming wore me out. What do you say to a nice siesta?

Hah! He brought a tent!

Layered blankets are much more comfortable to lie on than sand.

How was the rest of it?

...I really don't think that's anyone's business but ours.

While it would be nice to stay here forever, we should probably head back while they're still serving breakfast.

Fian didn't break anything while we were gone, so that's a good sign.

Unexpected side effect of joining the Guardswomen: I end up all sweaty by the end of training. Have to wash up before I switch to Sephanie mode.

Lost a bit of sleep this morning because Fian sensed someone channeling in the city. They never came close, that he could tell.

Far enough away that it was probably a gateway, for him to feel it at all. Doesn't mean Taim was up to anything, but we still haven't reached Venson so every instance is a potential danger to us.

I really thought we would be able to reach Venson today, but he signaled Naris not to come (using the old signals). I guess he wants to play it safe, and of course he has no way of knowing we just need to get the one message through to him.

Hanled keeps trying to have conversations via the new code while we're working, but I'm nowhere near as proficient with it as he is.

I'm like, look Master My-Job-Is-Literally-to-Stand-Around-All-Day, I'm sorry that you're bored enough to have mastered the cipher already, but my workload doubled the minute I quit working for Mazrim Taim. Please be patient.

Today I found out that married couple quarters in the palace do exist.

...If I didn't have to pretend to be two people, it might be something I could look into. :P

Seriously though, why can't Queen Elayne just have one or two officially sanctioned Asha'man bodyguards? Why does she have to be all "oh, I can't let a man help me rule my country, even if he is the Dragon Reborn?"

(I'm grouchy today, if you can't tell.)

Boy that sun isn't planning to come out at all this week, is it?

I mean, couldn't it at least rain, if it's going to be overcast for this long?

Oh. My. Gosh. Naris has taught Venson the new code WITHOUT EVEN SHOWING HIM THE CIPHER. She says she kept repeating the letters in alphabetical order until he figured out what she was doing. O_O

He says a bunch of Red Ajah sisters showed up at the Black Tower yesterday, demanding to be allowed to bond Asha'man.

There is so much that's crazy about that statement that I honestly don't know where to start.

(By crazy I mean the Red Ajah are crazy, not Venson. I'm pretty sure he's fine.)

The Captain-General is really distracted by something today. The look on her face reminds me of ... well, of me moping around after Hanled, actually. You don't think she has a secret beaux, do you?

Yeah, it's definitely not that.

My ears are going numb from practicing the cipher. :P

All right, I'll share it. But only if everyone promises not to mock my penmanship.

Arrows show which side, circles mean both at once. A long tail means a long press. Messages start and end with ><><, which the receiver can also use in the middle of a message to ask someone to repeat a word.

I dunno how useful that will be to anyone who isn't bonded, but there you go.

Hanled thinks I'm crazy to organize them this way, but grouping them by mouth shape helps me remember. Like T and D are together, S and Z, K and G, P and B, F and V. Say each sound with its pair and you can kind of get what I mean.

We're settling into our new normal - even saw Fian joking with his escort today. I feel at the same time like this is the life I've always wanted and also that we shouldn't get too comfortable here.

Hanled says to enjoy it while it lasts, and he's right, of course. There's no use worrying about problems we don't even have yet. We've earned a breather.

Venson says he went to confront Taim about Naris, because that's what would be expected of him, and Taim blamed the whole fiasco on my being careless, and that I "got what I deserved" from it. So either he thinks I'm really dead or wants Venson to think it.

Taim did seem pretty upset that I not only had "failed" but that Queen Elayne is now on to him. Venson thinks he sounded distracted, like the whole matter was just a sideshow to something more important.

For that, I half wish myself or Fian was still on the inside, listening. But even if we did know what he was working on next, we still haven't found a way to reach the Lord Dragon.

Logain was apparently there at the Black Tower, but he left in a hurry before Venson so much as saw him. Maybe Androl and them got some intel to him; I don't know.

It irks me that we have to ask permission to have some alone time at the beach.

Hanled, on the other hand, is glad that we CAN ask for permission, since he used to have to sneak out. 🤷‍♀️

I think the Captain-General is finally starting to trust us? I dunno. She just seems more relaxed around Naris and I today.

And I can't seem to do anything right today. Didn't finish cleaning the uniforms but was still late for training, and of course the ONE I didn't get to was the Captain-General's. Hoping this hasn't put me back to square one.

To top it all off, I have LOST the book Hanled got me, and I still have like 5 chapters left. 😭

Now Essande is trying to teach me to do hair again, and I'm so flustered I'm forgetting everything I already knew. It's a good thing she seems possessed of endless patience today.

So Hanled asked the Captain-General when she was going to stop running me to the point of exhaustion.

She tried to go off about trust and responsibility and such, but then he was all, "well what happens when Taim does decide to attack, and she's too tired to channel straight."

That's MY man, right there. :)

So now I'm only responsible for my own uniform, plus those of my escort. Also, she cut the rest of my training short since it's obvious to everyone that I already know how to use a sword, AND I get to sleep in tomorrow so I can start actual guard duty shifts tomorrow night.

So much for sleeping in. The beds in this room are all triple occupancy, and someone forgot to fix the schedule. Palace needs a new wing or something.

They found me an empty bed finally, and I'm trying to fall back asleep. Wish me luck.

Did manage to sleep, despite interruptions and Dolyn being her usual obnoxious self. Hopefully I got enough to make it through both of my duty shifts today.

Starting my very first guard duty shift outside the Queen's quarters. Hard to believe that 6 months ago I thought I would spend my whole life carding wool and milking cows.

Shift went pretty great. Got to know some of the other Guardswomen better. Hard to talk about myself without spilling details that shouldn't be widely known, but I managed.

Once again they didn't have a bed ready for me though. Waiting while the First Maid looks into something more permanent.

Meanwhile, Dolyn is trying to sing all our favorite songs backwards.

It's actually really good timing that I started my night shifts yesterday. They don't observe Tirish Adar here in the Southlands, and I was starting to worry about how I would manage it.

https://twitter.com/WOTHolidays/status/1258369992392937478

I learned last night that most Andorans don't even KNOW about Adar's Vigil. I might as well drop some info right here.

So, the story goes (and there's like 3 versions of it but I'm condensing) that Adar was a Borderland soldier born before the Trolloc Wars.

Rumors were starting to come in that there was some Serious Stuff going on in the Blight, which had never been a huge problem up until then.

Adar's liege lord didn't believe the rumors, despite the proof Adar and his companions brought back from the border. He sent out a hunting party which included his lady and Adar's betrothed. (Adar's lover, according to one version.)

Adar promised his betrothed, Ashalyn (yes, I'm really named after her; no, I'm not making this up - you can ask Hanled) that he would watch for her, and wouldn't sleep until the hunting party came home.

Most versions say he didn't actually sleep for three whole tendays. The version I believe says he took the night watch and his brothers covered the morning so he could sleep.

When it became clear that the party was overdue, Adar gathered his companions, against the lord's will.

They were planning to set out in the morning, but Adar held one last vigil - and that's when he saw the Trollocs pouring southward. He roused his companions and saved the city.

The story goes that he later overthrew his liege lord and became king of Elsalam (which is where Arafel and Kandor are now). He never found his betrothed, or the lord's wife.

(And yes I know there's a version which says Ashalyn returned to him three years later, on the eve of his wedding to someone else, but that's the romantic version told to six-year-olds. It didn't happen.)

Ok, storytime's over. They finally found me a room.

It's ... tiny. But really close to the Queen's chambers. Convenient.

Hanled's clothes are in the dresser already?? Somebody loves me!

Yay for no more nights in a tent on the beach (I was really starting to worry that we'd draw Taim's attention doing that) or finding a room in an inn for an hour!

Though I will miss that beach. That was our first date.

Ugh, that was not enough sleep. Hopefully this won't happen again though.

Oh, and Hanled swapped shifts with Fian so we can still spend our free time together. :D (And because he'd feel weird not observing Tirish Adar.)

Fian doesn't care about it, which really shouldn't surprise me. If I hadn't MET his family, I would almost think he wasn't Shienaran in the first place. Not an ounce of Borderland pride anywhere in that man.

Shut up, Dolyn. We are NOT pranking Fian, or anyone in the palace for that matter. I've already got a reputation, thanks.

THAT WAS A THUNDERCLAP.

Did someone just weave a gateway into the palace??

I want to run and ask Fian or Hanled what they felt, but if it's an attack then I need to stay right where I am.

Hanled was asleep when it happened (he's easing into the shift change right now) but I can tell he's awake now.

Light, I hope it wasn't just Fian being stupid with some weave.

On second thought, I hope it WAS Fian being stupid.

Sky is overcast (like it has been for over a week now), but not stormy. Pretty sure it was Hanled's ward and not actual thunder.

Here comes the Captain-General to speak with the Queen. Didn't even glance in my direction, which either means she's that good or her news doesn't involve saidin.

She says there's no sign of damage from whatever caused the thunderclap, and wants to know whether Queen Elayne felt anyone channeling when it happened.

The Queen says there's always someone channeling saidar in the palace, and it was probably the Kin going overboard with something to do with damane. She wants Captain-General Birgitte to remind them to be more careful.

She DID glance at me on her way out. Not like, a significant glance though.

At least I don't think it was significant?

...What if it WAS significant, but I just misread it??

Hanled says "Calm down." I think that was what he said. (I'm getting better, slowly.) He feels wary, but not alarmed.

I haaaaate waiting. -_-

Slipped out to collect the Queen's dinner, and got the news from Hanled. It was definitely a gateway, but he thinks whoever made it got spooked by the thunderclap. He has reset the wards but wants me to screen any visitors the Queen has today.

By which I mean I'm to check for inverted disguises by using a weave slice on everyone I meet.

I'm paired up with Lieutenant Caseille tonight, and she has some HILARIOUS stories to tell.

Uneventful night (except for those stories - remind me to tell you some of them later). Nobody coming or going except Naris and Essande so far. Haven't seen the Captain-General yet this morning which is unusual.

Of course I checked to make sure they really WERE Naris and Essande.

Hang on - has Birgitte been in there ALL NIGHT??

She really DOESN'T trust me, does she.

Or maybe she does now? She apologized for doubting me, and says I don't have to clean uniforms anymore.

I said I need to at least clean my own, as an excuse for "Sephanie" to have free access to "Ashalyn's" quarters.

While I was sleeping, Venson reported that Taim has halted all recruiting missions. Says he doesn't have enough Asha'man left to teach and guard the wall after the Lord Dragon sent so many of them to hold back the Seanchan.

Venson says Taim's people are still coming and going freely though, and that 4 different deserters have been caught in the last week.

I'm glad they waited until I woke up to tell me, because I'm really quite nightmare prone lately.

And I'm awake. Not sure how Hanled can sleep through the middle of the day; it's too hot for me.

Guess I ought to go get caught up on palace gossip. Been so busy I'm feeling out of the loop.

Nothing new, sounds like. Bunch of mercenaries causing trouble; they're supposed to stay outside the city but there's always a handful of them getting drunk at one tavern or another.

Also people still trying to set the granaries on fire. Much good it's going to do anyone now the siege is over. Only a Darkfriend would set fire to his own city's food stores.

I kinda wish there were five of me so I could try to catch the creeps.

Starting to wonder if posing as a Guardswoman was the wrong move. Sure it gives me an excuse to keep watch over the Queen, but what if Taim has people out in the city? They CAN come and go without gateways, now.

I know it's just me being paranoid and that I really am in the best possible place right now, but all the waiting is grating on my nerves.

All right, time to see if I can catch a few more Zs before I take over from Naris.

Palace is so eerily quiet at night.

Aaaand here come the ghosts. >_>

They're probably not dangerous.

Except for that one which was.

Better to keep your distance. and also, don't talk to them.

Oh. Hanled has a message for me. Wish I had some paper to jot this down on.

Something about the sky ... the moon shining? That'd be a sight. I can't see any moonlight through that window down the hall though.

Missed the middle part. Hope it wasn't important....

C-A-N-N-O-T

C-O-M-P-A-D-E

No wait that was an R not a D.

T-O

Y-O-U-R

E-Y-E-S

What does that have to do with ... oh. He's writing me poetry. That's so sappy. 😆

Now he thinks I'm laughing at him, and wants to know if I can do any better.

R-O-S-E-S A-R-E R-E-D
V-I-O-L-E-T-S A-R-E B-L-U-E
Y-E-S I-M A W-O-R-S-E P-O-E-T T-H-A-N Y-O-U.

He's definitely laughing at that one.

Uh-oh. He was laughing and then he got all serious and alert and stuff.

Chill just ran down my back, too. The gal I'm paired with tonight is oblivious though. I'm probably imagining things.

Huh. It's gone, whatever it was. Hanled seems to have relaxed, too.

He says he didn't feel anyone channeling. Just ... something weird.

Dolyn getting on my case about losing that book. I feel bad enough about it already, thanks.

And now she's shrieking. How am I supposed to hear anything over that?

WHAT IN THE LIGHT?

He's not moving. Oh my gosh, did I kill him??

Where did he even come from??

I swear I didn't mean to! I didn't even see him walk up, just did my weave slice for like, NO REASON, and then I felt such a rush of EVIL from where Dolyn was standing that I lashed out without even thinking!

This gal didn't see him either. What in the what??

There's almost no blood. Whoever this guy is, he looks like he was dead BEFORE I hit him??

Captain-General is here. I'm going to be in so much trouble. 😭

A Gray Man??

Light, I was in so much shock I didn't even think about that. That's so creepy!

Hanled is on his way. Good. I think my hands are shaking too much to send a message.

Light, we're lucky to be alive. Hanled thinks I sliced some sort of ward that was hiding the thing. Except we did both feel it at first. So did the Captain-General. Wait, why?

Why could some of us sense it but this gal ... Connah, that was her name ... didn't feel a thing?

Oh right - the bond. I'd heard Warders and Aes Sedai could sense Shadowspawn, but it never occurred to me that my bond to Hanled would grant me that sense.

If the Queen hadn't been asleep, she would have sensed it too. And probably reacted quicker than I did. Thing was almost on me and I still didn't see it until I'd killed it!

Hanled and the Captain-General all cool and collected, like they've seen Shadowspawn before. Well maybe Birgitte has, hanging out with Aes Sedai, but if Hanled has so much as smelled a Trolloc, I'll eat this fancy coat.

Hanled thinks this was for sure Taim's work. There's way more saidin residue here than my weave slice should have left.

And whoops, Connah was not in on the whole Asha'man in the palace thing. It's a good thing Hanled tossed up a ward against sound BEFORE she started panicking.

She IS still a Guardswoman, so her panic looks a lot like ... well, mine. She's still gonna have a little sit-down with the Captain-General, just as soon as our replacements arrive.

Hanled and I get to look around and try to find whoever set that ward. They've got to be close; probably outside the gates or they would have just come for the Queen themselves.

Oh that's nice. "Maybe it was one of the Forsaken, and not Taim at all." You really didn't have to bring them up! 😭

Like, I'm scared enough of Taim as it is. The Forsaken are just so far above him in scariness that I'm just gonna check out right now, before I start hyperventilating.

Walked around the entire palace TWICE, but still didn't find any more traces of saidin. If there was someone here, there's no way to tell.

I think it's about time we got back to our posts, either way.

A new mercenary army appeared outside Caemlyn last night, out of nowhere. Very suspicious. I wouldn't be at all surprised if this Red Hand gang had something to do with that Grey Man.

It's my night off from guarding the Queen's door, which makes me a little nervous after last night's near-miss.

I do need to keep up with my sword training, though. Quick reflexes don't mean much if my muscles aren't used to moving that way.

Connah giving me some serious side-eye. Was hoping she'd come over and talk, but I guess she's still a little freaked out.

Haven't had much chance to chat with Deni or Caseille since the Captain-General decided I didn't need a minder, either. Feeling a bit isolated again.

You know what - I'm just gonna go over and talk. If she wants to leave, fine whatever. At least I can say I tried.

Well she's not walking away. I can't get her to give me more than a one-word answer on anything though.

So you don't want to talk. Fine. Wanna spar instead?

That's a yes. :)

Light, she's good.

Ow. So far I haven't so much as landed a hit.

She's landed plenty, though. Gonna have a bruise.

"Are you really a woman?"

Hey, that was five words in a row!

Is this why guys are always wrestling and stuff? Bonding by beating each other up?

Ow again.

On the bright side, she's now convinced I AM a woman.

I'd give my left eye to be half as fast as she is.

No, hang on. It'd have to be my right eye; I need the left for weaving saidin.

Finally she let me have a breather, lol. I suppose I asked for that, offering to spar after I got in a lucky shot on that Gray Man and showed her up last night. (I'm still not over that, either, to be honest.)

She doesn't believe I learned to fight at the Black Tower. "What would guys like that need swords for?"

She didn't know about shields. It's weird being the one who knows more about the One Power than someone else.

Now she wants to know why I didn't use any of my "tricks" while sparring.

First of all, that wouldn't be fair. Second, that defeats the point of practicing. Third, we're not exactly alone out here, and most of what I know how to do is sort of obvious.

The question is getting me thinking, though. IS there a weave that I could use while fighting that wouldn't be obvious? Maybe something to make me faster?

It's worth looking into.

Or maybe ... there was that weave of Hanled's that slowed down the arrows. I could use something like that to make my opponent a little bit SLOWER.

She thinks I ought to practice it.

On someone other than herself, of course. Which I get, because I used to be that way.

I said I'd have to have the Captain-General's permission anyway. Even an inverted weave has a chance of being detected if I do it wrong.

Uh-oh. Essande is retiring (again). I have one week to actually get good at hair-dressing.

Yay more hair practice.

I know it sounds like I hate it, but actually the thing I hate is that I'm so bad at it.

I need like, three extra hands. Or maybe if I could use saidin to hold all the extra strands out of the way.

Paired up with Connah again for guard duty. Thought maybe we could chat while we're both here all night, but she's like, "talking is a distraction."

Maybe she thinks if she pays enough attention she'll spot the next Grey Man?

(Light, I hope there isn't one of those.)

Also, she's onto Hanled and my code thing, and says it's - you guessed it - a distraction.

Joke's on her though; I've still got Dolyn to listen to all night long. 🤷‍♀️

Got Connah to spar with me again tonight. She did NOT go easy on me. I'm learning, though; definitely made fewer mistakes than last time.

She doesn't really talk about herself. I mean, that's a common theme among the Guardswomen but she's almost as closemouthed as Lt. Casseile.

Unlike most of the others, she does seem to be Andoran. I mean I'm not a perfect judge of the accent, but when she does talk it's always Andoran cities she mentions.

She thinks a lot of things I say about living in the Borderlands is hogwash, so she clearly hasn't gone much north. Also doesn't seem to know much about farm life.

For example, she asked me how to tell a mule apart from a horse the other night and I'm just like, you look at it?

Also when I told her a story about Tinya getting chased off Mudsels' farm by a rooster, she thought it was the stupidest thing she'd ever heard. So clearly she's never tried to dodge a belligerent bird while juggling an apron full of eggs.

Those things can PECK, man. Once I caught up our LITTLE one to clip his wings, and he took a chunk out of my face. No lie.

(I really was asking for it, putting my face that close to his beak. So he got to live another year.)

More state visits coming up tomorrow. Naris is going for sure, but the rest of the roster is still in debate.

I'll probably end up stuck here training under Essande, though not sure whose hair I'll work on with Naris gone. Fian is ... definitely not going. I imagine it'll be Hanled going with the Queen, which is no fun for me but he is the most logical choice.

Yep, I was right. :/ Hanled's going, Fian and I are staying. The Captain-General is being very practical about it; I'm staying because Fian will listen to me and because I can get a message to Hanled instantly if there's trouble here.

Yikes, what was that shriek?? I think it came from outside?

Deni says it's just an owl. Light, but that was blood-curdling.

Andoran birds, man.

Hanled and I both with a persistent dry cough today. Probably the one that's going around. I guess it's Fian going after all, because Hanled's healing skills aren't up to the challenge.

Ugh, what time is it? I feel like I slept for a week.

I know I'm supposed to be resting, but I'm sick of sitting around. Maybe a walk in the gardens.

Yeah I think I'm about over this. Not up to my usual double shift, but I think I'll hike up to the tower and hang out until dusk. Or until Fian shows up I guess, but they're not expected back until tomorrow.

Wow. There is a LOT of saidar being used down there. Like, not a large AMOUNT, but lots of different places. Every few minutes I spot someone weaving.

It's almost like being in the Black Tower, only with a lot less machissimo.

I get that the Kin can't really go back to Ebou Dar, with the Seanchan and all, but are they just gonna hang out in Caemlyn forever? I don't even know.

Hanled took over from me (not that I was much use up there) but I told him if he needs to switch up before dawn to just wake me up because I am for real going to just crash right now.

Oh, hi Connah.

No I'm not slacking off. I traded shifts because I was sick all yesterday and now I'm going to bed.

That's lovely. Connah decided to tell me this creepy story about how a man was found completely drained of blood in the city this morning.

First of all, even if that's true, did you have to tell me RIGHT before I go to bed?

Second, I've finally found someone Dolyn actually likes. 🙄

Well, I didn't dream about blood-sucking monsters.

I dreamed about trying to get all the chickens in before a cyclone hit.

They were having none of it, for the record. All roosting up on the hill behind the house. Finally I was just like, forget y'all.

You know, when I stop worrying about watching out for Taim's cronies for a second, this view is really something else.

They're back!

I think. Saidar gateway in the courtyard, anyway.

Yes, it's them. Here comes the Captain-General.

Is Fian coming up here to take his post, or...?

Aight, I'm just gonna head on down and find him then.

Fian is in the doghouse, apparently. He tried to use saidin to do his cover job (as a porter) and almost spilled the beans.

So he's back to needing minders now, and incredibly not happy about it. :P

I have zero sympathy for him, really. Couple of babysitters is the least of the punishments at Captain-General Birgitte's disposal.

Anyway, I've got half a zillion dresses to clean, so he'll have to figure out his own stuff.

On duty with Connah again, and this cat comes up and starts rubbing my legs. Pretty little thing; grey with white around her eyes like a Domani lady's makeup.

So of course I lean down to pet her, and Connah pulls out her "distractions" lecture, like always.

And I go, "you're just jealous that she came up to me and not you."

She denies this, of course.

So then I bet her she couldn't get the cat to come to her.

Should have seen the look on her face when she was trying to decide whether she cared more about ignoring distractions than winning the bet.

Which was itself a distraction, so I win, lol.

In the end she took on the challenge. I stood there watching guard while she tried everything she could think of to get that cat to come to her.

She doesn't know much about cats, either.

I eventually gave her a few tips, because it was just too painful; to watch, and she coaxes the cat over. Leans down to pet it. And the thing SHRIEKS and jumps a mile high, like she tried to skin it or something.

She didn't even do anything wrong, that I could tell, but somehow she spooked it so bad it kept on running until it was out of sight.

Connah of course accused me of setting her up, and I was laughing so hard that I almost couldn't breathe, which further convinced her.

Wow it got cold all of a sudden. I mean, this would be about right for the middle of Saven in Shienar, but here it's a pretty noticeable cold snap. Will be stoking the fireplace tonight.

Fat chance of it getting warm again soon with that endless cloud cover.

Sometimes people mention seeing ... shapes ... in those clouds. Like twisted faces.

Sorry, I'm not trying to give anyone nightmares.

Lady Dyelin has come with some papers from the other nobles. Going to be another late night, I'm thinking.

Yup. The Queen is NOT happy with their contents.

I'm not actually IN the sitting room, so no idea what they're about. I can definitely tell from here though.

Well that's a rare sight. Master Norry never comes to the Queen's chambers unless he has something interesting to say.

Er, hang on.... Yep, it's really him. Carry on.

Nope, sounds like it's all as boring as ever.

...What? It's not eavesdropping if you're SUPPOSED to stand beside a door and listen for someone to call you.

Now she's laughing, but I missed whatever it was that was funny.

Something about ... a TA'VEREN? And claiming the throne of Cairhien.

So this coming week should be a lot of fun.

Connah being totally merciless during training tonight - no doubt getting me back for last night's cat incident.

I asked around, and apparently that cat won't let anybody touch her. Like, at all. Guy who told me thought I was flat out lying when I said I had pet her.

Oh, and her name is Banshee.

Ok so that was SUPER WEIRD. The visitors the Queen has been so excited about? I tried my weave slice on them, like I'm supposed to, but the flows just ... melted? ... when I did it on the one with the hat.

Then Hat Guy looks around with a frown, like he FELT my weave. I tried to tell Lady Birgitte, and she was all, "I know," and said not to worry about it.

So now she and the Queen are in there talking with a guy who maybe might be an Asha'man in disguise and also an old dude with a mustache who Essande says used to be Morgase's court bard.

Apparently Hat Guy is the leader of that Red Hand Band which appeared in the middle of the night. There's TONS of rumors about him flying around the city.

One of them says he slew a Fade barehanded, which is certainly a thing an Asha'man could do. Also there's tons of stories linking him to the Lord Dragon.

Naris has heard a different version of the story, that says it wasn't barehanded, just buck naked.

Thank you for that mental image, Naris. >_<

Which of course reminds me of the time I asked Naris how she and Venson were dealing with not being able to kiss each other and stuff. She told me it wasn't a problem because of the bond.

And I'm like, well that's something I didn't need to know, but then she goes into detail and I'm all TMI, NARIS. THAT WAS TEE EM EYE.

The Queen is MAKING ter'angreal. O_O

Essande made me practice the same three hairdos over and over until my fingers ached. Hope nobody needs me to actually use my sword tonight because ow.

The bright side is, I actually got to practice on somebody with hair like the Queen's and OH MY GOSH is it easier to work with than Naris's. So I passed her test and now she can retire (again) and I'm going to be spending a lot less time as a Guardswoman soon. :/

The Captain-General wants to talk to me in private. Am I in trouble??

Oh good. She just needs my help to test something out.

She wants me to use saidin on her? Nothing dangerous, she says.

Ok, I can handle that.

WHOA. The flows just melted, like my weave slice did on Hat Guy (I knew his name yesterday, darn it.)

So THAT'S what the Queen has been making all day!

It's a fox-shaped medallion. Guy reminded me of a fox, come to think of it. Something about his smile.

Now she wants me to try weaving while wearing it.

I guess ... going to take off the spectacles just in case. Never know what might happen while trying to use three ter'angreal at once.

Hmm, that was a whole lot of nothing. Can't seem to use saidin at all while holding this other one.

The Captain-General is disappointed. Something about "imperfect copies"?

She's glad to know that the medallion can stop saidin as well as saidar (which I'm sure the Queen tested earlier) but it's apparently useless to someone who can channel.

Still, super useful for someone who can't. It would be awesome if all the Guardswomen had them. Then I'd have a lot less to worry about where Taim is concerned.

Training with Connah again. Usually I have to go find her but she actually sought me out tonight. Maybe she doesn't think I'm so annoying anymore?

Still not going easy on me though. Ow.

She gets on my case for being predictable, but I think I'm starting to get used to her patterns, too. I can almost - OW. OH LIGHT, THAT HURTS!

MY KNEE. I THINK SHE BROKE MY KNEE. ARGH!

NO OF COURSE I'M NOT ALL RIGHT.

Hanled can't do anything for it. Says it's too far beyond him. Someone please tell me Sumeko is back?? 😭

All he can do is block some of the pain. Still enough of it that I couldn't pay any attention to the weave he used.

I'm not ... I don't think I'll be walking on that until I can find someone to heal it. I mean, like EVER.

Sumeko isn't back yet. T_T

Captain-General chewing out Connah something fierce. Light, I know she couldn't have done that on purpose, but could she at least pretend to be sorry about it?

Connah gets dungeon duty for a week. Doesn't seem all that put out about it.

I'm off duty until Sumeko gets back. Hanled is carrying me to our room. It still hurts. So. Much. 😭

Can't sleep anymore. Hurts too much, and Hanled's sleep weave came unraveled. Not something I can weave on myself because I can't tie it before it takes effect.

He did show me the one that dulls the pain. Thankfully it's not complicated and I can use it on myself. Probably couldn't if I weren't weaving with the ter'angreal, but lucky me. >_<

I could wake him up I suppose, but he was still up all night.

Light, I can't even look at it. 😭
It's all bruised and crooked and makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it.

Hanled said if I don't get it healed properly soon, it won't matter.

If I were in Shienar, I'd send somebody to the glacier to chip me some ice. Harder to get ice here, but I wonder if I can....

There we go. Froze some of what was in the washbasin.

I've never frozen something before. I guess anything can be a learning experience if you're paying enough attention.

One thing I'll never forget is how Connah baited me into overextending this leg in the first place. T_T

Someone knocking on the door. Sorry Hanled; I can't answer it myself.

It's a Healer from the city. Regular, old-fashioned kind. No idea who would have sent her when there's an Aes Sedai in the palace, but I'm not going to be rude and send her away.

Ahh, it was Essande's idea. Still taking care of me even though she's retired.

Well I guess if I never walk again that's definitely a problem for her.

Hanled and this lady talking show about bones and tendons and such and I'm seriously in too much pain to understand any of it.

NO YOU ARE NOT CUTTING OFF MY LEG.

Hanled sent her away. She wouldn't go without a promise to call for her if I changed my mind.

As distressing as that was, Hanled thinks he understands what he needs to do. He can't heal it, but thinks he can move all the pieces of bone back where they're supposed to be, and that at least it won't hurt as much if he can do that.

I'm terrified that'll just make it worse, but I do trust him. If he says he can do it ... well what other choices do I have?

Yes, you may ABSOLUTELY weave sleep on me before you start. 😭

Nrgh. >_< Pretty sure that hurts worse than before.

...It's not crooked anymore, though.

Oh. OH that's better.

I didn't tie off the pain numbing weave. Now that it's in place again, I can barely feel it.

Hanled says I can't move it. Like, at all. He's not good at healing bones, and he's afraid if I move they'll get all out of place again.

He did get rid of that nasty ugly bruise though. That deserves a proper kiss.

Well I'm awake and can't move and Hanled is asleep again, and now of course I'm crazy bored. I wish I hadn't lost that book. 😢

Naris came to visit. Yay!

...Or not? Her face says she has news.

Venson says Taim is planning something. Messengers going in and out a bit. So that's just perfect. 😒

There has to be a way to ... ow. OK, not that way.

That's just great. No way to know what he's up to, but if there's even a CHANCE he's coming for the Queen soon, that's exactly when I DON'T want to be laid up like this.

Worse news - the Queen was told that one of her Guardswomen blew out their knee last night and needs healing as soon as one of the Kin comes back from wherever they've gone.

Which means Ashalyn is off the hook, but Sephanie isn't.

Naris thinks she'd be OK with my disguising her as me, but needs to take the middle of the day off and sleep, since she's been trying to observe Tirish Adar as well.

That will probably work, but the Queen is having some of the nobles over tonight, which means she'll want to change into one of the tricky dresses before dinner. So I'm going to owe Naris for this one.

Getting drowsy from the herbs that lady made me drink, but I'm afraid I'll move around too much if I sleep. T_T

I wonder if I could splint it in place with Air....

Ok that MIGHT work. Either way, I'm checking out for a while.

Wow, that stuff put me OUT. I can't tell what time it is with the rain, but my instinct says the sun is going down soon.

Hanled is awake, so I can't be off by much.

He's going to go see whether Sumeko is back yet. And also find us some dinner.

She's not back. :/

On the bright side, dinner smells like it hasn't spoiled at all.

Huh. I thought this was water, but it tastes more like weak tea. Kind of a minty.... HANLED DON'T DRINK ANY MORE OF IT!

No no no! Hanled, please wake up! T_T

I can't move. What do I do??

Gotta tell someone. Fian should have come looking for Hanled by now. I hope they didn't get him, too!

Got my leg braced with Air. Maybe I can make a crutch ... Light, I'm still so groggy from those herbs.

Crutch of Air is doable, but looks too obvious. Will have to weave an illusion on it.

I'm going to need more clothes than just my shift. But which?

Guardswoman, I think. Which means I need another mask of mirrors weave. This is going to tax the limits of my strength.

Walking like this is so exhausting. Still haven't found Fian OR the Captain-General. That play the Queen was watching ended some minutes ago, but Casseile says she left with Hat Guy way before that.

At least I've got Casseile to hike the stairs for me.

Naris found Fian - asleep on the stairs. His minders are out cold too, not sure from what.

This has to be Taim. Where is he going to strike from??

Nobody knows where the Queen went after the performance. Someone heard her sending orders down to the dungeons?

Light, the prisoners!

Connah! Have you seen the Queen? I think she might have gone down to ... what are you doing?

"I was hoping I would get a chance to kill you??"

Connah, I thought you were my friend! Or at least almost one?

I don't want to fight you! Please, put that sword away and help me!

It can't be her. It's someone in disguise as ... Light, it's really her.

She's fast. Way faster than I remember! Even channeling I can barely fend her off.

Trying to goad me into going on the offensive. Connah, I don't want to kill you. 😭

Somebody help! For the Queen, and--oof!

I'm on the ground. Couldn't maintain my crutch through all that. Now she's standing over me calling me a weakling. She doesn't get it. How easily I could kill her with saidin. I can't....

She's done gloating. Her sword is coming down. Connah, I'm sorry!

I froze her. Took all the heat from her body and sent it into the flooring.

Light, she's so cold. And so hard. Who knew that the human body would freeze exactly like ice?

Oh, Connah! 😭

There's the Captain-General. No, I'm fine - go help the Queen!

Maybe if I ... if I warm her back up, maybe she's still alive?

It's no good. There's no pulse.

Light, I've finally done it. I've killed someone with the Power.

Was that an earthquake??

She's alive!

Not Connah. The Queen. Captain-General Birgitte is half-carrying her, and she's bloodied, but she says she's been healed.

I told them Connah was killed by the intruders. I couldn't tell them the truth. That Connah was a ... a Darkfriend. That she tried to kill me.

I think Birgitte knows anyway. The look of pity on her face....

Someone finally came to take the body away. I let them help me to my quarters.

Hanled is still asleep. If I knew anything about healing, maybe I could wake him.

Yes, I'm talking to Dolyn. She doesn't have much to say, and I'm sure none of it would be helpful anyway, but I have to talk to someone.

Is everyone in my life going to turn out to be a Darkfriend?

At least I know Hanled serves the Light. I would know, otherwise.

Wouldn't I?

Naris is back. She looks exhausted.

She says Melfane (that's the Queen's midwife) has ordered bed rest for a week. So whatever happened to her, it must have been pretty serious.

Connah did this to my knee on purpose. I can admit that now. She or someone with her must have put forkroot in our drinks to keep Hanled and Fian from interfering.

I wish I could say that she failed, but two of the Black Ajah prisoners escaped, along with Mellar. So they could be back.

I can feel Hanled trying to wake up. Maybe some water to the face ... sorry, love.

It's too late. They played us all for fools.

At least I have someone real to talk to about it now.

NOW Sumeko is back. She'll get to me sometime before lunch.

Hanled went out to check for residue before he went to sleep. He says they definitely arrived by gateway. Somebody dismantled the ward, which means they have to have known exactly where it was set. Connah or someone else must have watched him make his rounds.

Sumeko is here. She's surprised at how well Hanled put my knee back together, but admits that the day and a half wait has limited what she can do with it. I'll probably get aches in it when it rains, yadda yadda.

That's ... well that is much better. A bit stiff. But I can walk again, which is what matters.

Sumeko has clearly never been hugged by an Asha'man before.

Queen Elayne is very saucy about being confined to her bed. 😆 Also, she definitely doesn't know what some of those curse words mean.

Dolyn is being particularly cruel today. She keeps reminding me of all my conversations with Connah, wondering how I could have been stupid enough to think she liked me.

I should have guessed what she was when Dolyn said she liked her. Dolyn never likes anyone. Shouldn't that have tipped me off somehow?

The heck was that noise?? Not a thunderclap ... sounded like a building collapsing or something.

Fian says that thump earlier was the test of some kind of new weapon that doesn't use the Power.

Like he'd know.

So much for having less work to do with the Queen restricted to her bed. I must have hauled two dozen books to and from the library today.

It is REALLY fascinating watching her try to make ter'angreal, though. I don't understand any of what she's doing, but I AM learning things about saidar that I didn't know before.

Deni and Lieutenant Casseile have taken over sparring with me during training. Neither is as good as Connah with the sword, but they have other things to teach me.

The first is how to deal with the death of a comrade in arms.

Mostly you deal with it by hitting things until it doesn't hurt so much.

I couldn't help it. They were talking about how she died honorably serving her Queen, and I told them what really happened.

They got real quiet after that. Probably afraid of me now.

We've gone back to hitting things.

Deni says I shouldn't mourn a Darkfriend. But Lt. Casseile gets it. Having someone you trust, who was a mentor to you, turn like that ... it cuts worse than steel.

Light, I hope neither of them is a Darkfriend.

I think that's the biggest wound Connah left in me. The fear of trusting people.

Who's knocking? It can't be afternoon yet, can it?

I guess I'm getting up anyway. The Queen has decided that she's going to the wall to see some kind of demonstration, bed rest or no bed rest. The Captain-General would like Ashalyn there as a precaution.

Hanled says he might as well join us. :)

She's got them carrying her on a portable bed. That's one way to keep an oath, I guess. :P

We're going all the way to the east wall, sounds like. This should be fun.

Wow, those clouds are creepy today.

Ok, well so far we have an Illuminator and some kind of really long bell laid on a cart. I can't hear what they're saying about it from here, and really too busy looking around for threats. I CAN pay attention when it's important, Connah.

Oh hey, it's Hat Guy.

OH MY GOSH, THAT WAS LOUD.

They're loading another of ... whatever those are. O_O

I was looking straight at it when it loosed this time, and I SWEAR there wasn't anyone using the Power over there. Not saidin OR saidar.

I can't believe Fian was right.

Thing took a chunk out of the hill both times! Not as efficient as a good RREF (Rolling Ring of Earth and Fire), but man.

An Illuminator made those. I'd heard fireworks could be dangerous, but ... wow.

I guess we're done?

Been worrying about what happened the other night. Aside from the whole Connah thing.

Someone knew we were here. Hanled, Fian, and I. Someone who can channel saidin.

I have to conclude that Taim knows we're here, and that we're simply low priority to him. Not worth the trouble.

How long until we are?

Well those nightmares were no fun. :P

Is it me, or are those clouds ... darker than yesterday?

They are definitely darker. And roiling, like an eerily silent thunderstorm.

Venson says (via Naris) that Taim has restricted all comings and goings from the Black Tower. She keeps trying to convince him to get out of there, but he's convinced he can ride it out. :(

I hate thunderstorms. Always takes me back to Dumai's Wells, among other things.

Still pouring, which means no training in the courtyard. I keep flinching every time lightning strikes. Not just because it might be an attack from Taim's camp.

Hanled's nervous, too.

I wonder if there are any indoor training areas we could use?

I'll bet Lieutenant Caseille would know.

Just so happens there are a couple. This one's full of training dummies.

Er, I didn't realize the Captain-General would be here. Now I'm super nervous.

Oh hey, there's a whip in here. Always wanted to try one of those out.

Just not in front of my boss. >_>

Ahh, whatever. I'm doing it.

That's a lot harder than it looks. Also, ow.

Ok I think I figured out how to not hit myself with it. Mostly.

Captain-General wants to know what I hope to gain by practicing with this. Might as well show her.

Set one practice dummy on fire, and froze another one. What really surprised me though was what happened when I tried it with Air.

First one I tried was a little slow, so I made the flow thinner. Like REALLY thin, just to see how fast I could go. Cut clean through the thing!

And yeah, I know I can set things on fire without a whip, but y'all don't understand how truly weak in the Power I am. If there's anything I can do to minimize the amount I need for an attack while still doing lethal damage, I'll take it.

Turns out, using my arm to deal some of the force makes a lot of difference.

Could probably do even more if I didn't need to invert the weave to hide it from Taim's watchers.

(Yes, I always assume he's got someone watching the palace. It would be stupid not to.)

Just when I thought that storm was about to take a turn for the worst, it just kinda ... evaporated.

I mean, it's still cloudy, but not creepy cloudy like yesterday.

Officially back on day shift. Have been given permission to use the training room whenever it's empty, as long as I don't break any more training dummies.

Um, why is everyone running and shouting?

So much light coming from the courtyard. Is something on fire?

I don't smell any smoke?

IT'S THE SUN! THE SUN IS OUT!!! 😮

Light, I was starting to think we'd never see it again!

Hang on ... there are still clouds over there. And on that side, too.

Lemme climb the tower a sec.

It's a circle. A perfect circle empty of clouds, centered on the palace. But what is causing it?

The Light has returned to us.

Come at me, Taim! Today, I can do anything!

No fair. Sumeko gets to go help Hat Guy catch the blood-sucking Shadowspawn which has been killing people in the city, but I have a cover to maintain.

Not saying I think it would be fun; I just feel underutilized lately.

And OK, maybe it's not a good idea to be using saidin out in the city right now.

Look out, world; Queen Elayne is back on her feet.

That was a rough couple of days. Nothing new or exciting, just ... well I think Queen Elayne got caught up on an entire week of stuff in only 2 days, so everyone's a bit worn out.

Oh, Sumeko did say they'd killed the blood-sucker whatsit. She called it a golem or somesuch.

I think things have finally calmed down enough that I can take a well-deserved....

Ah, nuts. Hanled just felt someone channel out in the city.

Wake UP, Fian.

That's everyone. All the guards who know who we are, plus Sumeko and a handful of other Kin.

I hope it's enough.

Fian staying behind with the Captain-General in case this is a distraction to leave the Queen exposed. No idea what Birgitte told her was going on.

Approaching the building the channeling came from. Hanled thinks whoever it is is still holding saidin. If he can feel it from here ... Light, I hope it isn't Taim.

Have the building surrounded. It's one of those little palaces on the hill just below the Queen's.

Hanled's going in the front while I cover the rear. No way to stop them weaving a gateway out - at least until we can see them - but it's all we've got.

Light, Sumeko feels someone channeling saidar inside, too. Maybe this isn't such a good--

Too late. Hanled's gone in. He feels focused, and not nearly as afraid as I am.

We're going in too. No time to waste.

Nice work on that door, Su.

I hear shouting. This way!

I think Hanled's arrived. Surprise ... something hit him. One more door, and--

Oof!

They shielded Sumeko, but not me. I freed her and knocked the lady out. Su got the guy behind the door. Almost to Hanled.

Room is full of black coats. Three or four, and some shawls, and Hanled strung up with Air, talking to....

Light, it's LOGAIN!

I have never saluted so quickly in my life. Please don't kill me, we're on your side!

Prove it, he says. Come on, look at these uniforms. Do you think the Queen of Andor is working with Taim?

I knew I should have actually changed into my Guardswoman uniform instead of just using mask of mirrors over my maid's dress.

Well, it's not like they actually have me shielded. How do I look in black?

Hah, now he recognizes me.

Logain wants to know why he can't make a gateway to the Black Tower itself.

Uh ... what?

Whoa there, Sumeko. I dunno what beef you have with Logain's Aes Sedai, but you should probably cool it for now. We're outnumbered.

I swear we had no idea that the Black Tower was blocked from gateways. We've been on the deserter's list ever since we found out Taim was a Darkfriend.

Yes I have proof. I'm not going up against the M'hael over a vague suspicion.

Can everyone release the source now? Please?

Thanks.

Uh, someone should probably let the Captain-General know that the Black Tower is NOT about to descend upon the palace.

Logain kicked all the Aes Sedai and guards out. For a second he looked like he was about to oust me too, but he looked at my (illusory yes, but still earned) sword pin and let me stay. Thanks. 🙄

Well that's absolutely peachy. I finally have a chance to show the Lord Dragon proof of Taim's betrayal, and he ... already knows about it. He sent Logain and company to deal with it.

Hang on though; we can still help. We have a man on the inside.

Logain trying to give us orders, and I suddenly realized ... we're under his command, now. Our oath to Birgitte was that we would obey her until the Lord Dragon sent for us. If Logain was sent by the Lord Dragon....

I guess my days as a bodyguard are over.

Or not? Hanled convinced him that Queen Elayne is important to the Lord Dragon, and still in danger from Taim.

Or maybe it was the sky that convinced him. He says it's been like that wherever the Lord Dragon goes, and part of why he came here is that he Traveled outside the Black Tower and could see from there that it was also clear over Caemlyn.

I did have the satisfaction of telling him that our messenger (Naris) was not under his command but that I'm sure she will cooperate if he asks politely.

We have actual ORDERS. Orders to do what we've been doing, for now, but ... it feels so nice to be official again.

I'm not going to completely relax until my name is officially off the deserters' list and Taim is dead, but it's a start!

Headed back to the palace with one of Logain's guys (in disguise of course). This is surreal.

Welp, the Captain-General is Not Happy. We convinced her it was in the Queen's best interests to stick around, but she was this close to taking the spectacles back.

She is also not comfortable giving Welyn (the Dedicated Logain sent with us) unrestricted access to one of the Queen's tirewomen. Myself or Hanled are to be present at all times when he's speaking with her.

I guess actually it will be Hanled most of the time. One of us (meaning Naris and me) needs to be in the Queen's chambers in case she needs anything.

Bah.

Hanled says Venson couldn't make a gateway from inside the Black Tower either. Welyn left to report back to Logain, but left orders that one or the other of us is to report to him each morning and evening.

I guess we forgot to mention Fian was with us. Will need to remedy that.

Still mulling over everything Logain said earlier. The thing about the clouds breaking wherever the Lord Dragon is bothers me the most.

I mean, not "bothers" like I'm worried or anything, just that I can't stop thinking about it.

Clearly the Lord Dragon isn't here in the palace - not if Logain has seen him elsewhere. The only time the clouds have returned here was when the Queen went out to the wall yesterday. The circle ... followed her.

All I can think of is that they've both come up with a weave that pushes the Shadow back. But if Elayne is renewing the weave every morning or whenever, she's inverting the flows because I've never seen her do it.

Also if she is then she hasn't told the Captain-General what she's doing because Birgitte seems as ignorant of its cause as the rest of us.

Anyway. Speculating won't get this dress clean.

I volunteered to make the evening report since I'm usually up so late anyway. The Captain-General gave me an escort, but of course they had to stay outside.

Now I'm waiting for Logain, which I'm sure is his payback for busting in on them earlier.

Whatever. He should know better than to gate this close to a palace owned by an Aes Sedai.

Apparently this place used to be owned by a VERY rich merchant who followed Logain back when he proclaimed himself as the Dragon. Guy was killed by a mob, but nobody told his servants about it. They just kept running things, waiting for him to come back.

They were VERY freaked out when Logain showed up, but it looks like he's got them calmed down. Mostly. They're a bit relieved to see my uniform.

Sorry, my dudes, this one's just a cover. Here's my true colors.

Sometimes I feel like I've spent more time wearing an illusory black coat than a real one. :/

I HEARD THAT. I swear if one more person makes a crack about how they "knew" I was "really a man...."

Logain wondering why I took so long. Well sorry, but I'm only the Queen's personal tirewoman. I rarely go to bed before she does.

Welyn giving me some serious side-eye. No, I'm not going to explain.

Logain kicked Welyn out. Wants to know what's really up with me. How I can channel saidin when he KNOWS I'm a woman.

I guess I am explaining after all. :P

Logain agrees that Taim is a jerk for giving me this ter'angreal. Not that I think I would do anything differently if I had it to do over again.

I apologized for lashing out at him that one time. Even if it was what put me on Taim's scent in the first place.

I told him there's still people loyal to him inside the wall. Venson, though he pretends to play both sides. Androl and his group. Most of the new recruits.

Er, Logain really wants my spectacles. I told him they're on loan from the Queen - via the Captain-General - and not mine to give.

I guess I'm leaving now.

Hanled says Logain's group is scouting around the Black Tower today, looking for a way in that Taim doesn't know about. Good luck with that.

If they do find one, I expect they'll want us to join them in retaking the place. Preparing some alibis in case we need to be out of the palace for a while.

Logain didn't manage to scout the whole wall before someone spotted them. They're going back tomorrow, and want Fian to join them. :P Hanled will split the night shift with him tonight, so at least he won't have to start out exhausted.

Sounds like Logain was NOT happy with Fian's performance today. He INSISTS that it be Hanled or I going tomorrow.

I'm really not clear on what exactly we'll be doing; I'm sure they must have finished scouting today.

So Hanled and I have decided to plan as if we're making an assault on the Black Tower tomorrow. If not, then great, but ... it's something that should have happened months ago.

Somehow I can't make myself believe that everything might change tomorrow. We've grown so comfortable with our life here, we're starting to forget how many people would rather see us dead.

Sent Hanled off to meet with Logain. If I'm lucky, I'll get a head's up before they go anywhere. Right now though I've gotta pretend like everything is peachy and fine.

Currently waiting for the Queen's midwife to finish up her morning checkup. Pretty sure no village woman ever had a midwife weigh them every morning. Or even visit, for that matter. #PalaceLife

Been so distracted the last couple days that I forgot to mention - Prince Gawyn showed up the other day. I never even got a good look at him before he left again.

I DID get a glimpse of him from across the courtyard once, but all I could tell was that he walks like a Warder. They say he's Warder-trained, which is unusual for the Southlands.

Naris is clearly distracted by something. I had to do half of the hair ornaments myself.

She says Venson is on edge. Arguing with someone.

Naris? What is - NARIS, calm down! You're scaring people!

Sorry, she just, er, saw a ghost. Nothing to see here.

Light, I'd better take her to my room.

Naris, slow down. I can't ... Ok, Venson is in trouble; I get it. Can you be more specific, though?

This is not good. Very very not good.

Whatever they're doing to Venson, he's in too much pain to talk to Naris about it. They must be on to him.

We've got to get him out of there, NOW.

I think I can catch up with Logain; Hanled at least hasn't left the city yet. I just need to find....

Deni! Will you let the Captain-General know we have a situation? Tell her to consult with Naris; I need to reach our mutual friend in the city.

Fian, wake UP. I know you're tired, but it's an emergency.

At least you don't have a taint-induced hallucination waiting to take over when you're low on sleep. Now man up and get dressed.

Deni says the Captain-General is busy escorting some old friends to see the Queen, but has given us both permission to go.

Hang on - I'd better grab my black coat. You too, Fian; I'll weave us a disguise for the walk out.

Darn it, Hanled is moving. We'll need a gateway to catch up now.

Not until we're OUTSIDE the ward, dummy; if this is a diversion, that might be the only warning Captain-General Birgitte has.

Guess I could have given Hanled a hint of why we were coming, heh.

They're disguised as a merchant caravan. Clever, but leans a bit heavily toward women with all of their bonded Aes Sedai. If any of them have riding skirts to change into, I could ... no?

Will have to go as is, then.

Logain says Fian is my responsibility. As in, if he can't keep his mouth shut, it's on me. :P

Otherwise, the plan isn't changing much from what they have already.

Really though, those Aes Sedai would be better off disguised as washer women looking for work.

So the plan is pretty straightforward, really. We get up to the gates and Logain's folks all link with their Aes Sedai to overpower the gate guards. Then we go looking for Taim. Hanled, Fian and I will go in disguise and search for Venson, since we can't link.

We're going in through one of the gaps in the wall. Welyn saw a couple of people we can disguise ourselves as, and Taim's main crew still goes in and out through the gaps to stretch their legs or whatever. Since it's only 3 of us, should go unnoticed.

I've never actually walked from Caemlyn to the Black Tower before. Every minute we take is another in which Venson might break and tell Taim everything. It's cold of me to think that way but that's really the most important factor here.

Hang in there, Venson. We're coming as fast as this cart horse can walk. :/

Oh good; now that we're past all those mercenary camps, Logain has decided we'll use a gateway to shave a league or so from our walk. Still need to walk the last mile or two though. Taim used to scout pretty far out, and I'm sure he hasn't changed his mind about that.

Whoa, trippy. I've never watched someone weave while linked before! It's like ... like the weave is more COMPLETE, with saidar filling in holes that I never realized were there before.

Time for Hanled, Fian, and I to split off. Fian knows which gap we're going for; just have to keep him from panicking on our way in.

Disguise time.

Hopefully none of the guys we're disguised as are on the wall watching. >_>

So here's the plan. Fian, you've been inside Taim's palace before, so you're with me. Hanled, you check out the outer buildings in case they have him there. Also, if you spot Androl or anyone, then send them to help at the gate.

Time to go in.

Good, we passed the walls without comment.

Strong feeling of deja vu right now.

Unchallenged up to the palace. Man, this place feels empty.

Hopefully that will make a difference in our favor. Even if there are a lot of Taim's favorites here, they're no match against a linked....

No. No no no no. Not good.

That was one of the Black Ajah who escaped the dungeons. There are women who can channel here.

Women who can link.

Play it COOL, Fian. Straight face. Now, someone has to tell Logain before it's too late.

Hanled's closest. If I can remember that code ... "Warn Logain; Black Ajah here." Please make it in time!

Argh, does this place not have a dungeon or something? That seems so out of character.

He's not here. Not unless they've moved him into the speedy room, in which case I don't think I can reach him. T_T

Hanled says there's a commotion at the gates. He didn't get there in time to stop it.

Come on Fian, we have to help!

No no no. The guys we're disguised as are both between us and the gate. Back away. Quickly!

Hanled's out. He says Logain and some of the others got away, but half of the rest are missing.

They've jumped back to Caemlyn.

Don't panic, Fian. Breathe. Now, I'm going to change our disguises, and then we're going to see if there's anything we can do. Come on; strut.

Hard to see what's going on. Wait ... there's something. They've got people with sacks over their heads. I can't tell who they've caught.

They're headed toward the unfinished section of the palace?

They're not letting anyone follow. Claiming they've caught some thieves who tried to leave with Black Tower goods.

Fian, can you slap an inverted tracer on one of them from here?

It's no good; we're not getting through until the crowd disperses. Just hunker down and wait.

If we're lucky, they'll lead us right to Venson. If we're luckier, they'll quit torturing Venson and focus on these new guys.

Sorry, I'm just being pragmatic. More people to interrogate means maybe a little longer before any one of them breaks.

I was right. Hanled says (via Naris) that they've eased up on Venson. He wants me to get out now, but I won't do that to Naris. I left him behind once; I'm not doing it again.

Crowd has dispersed. Now if Fian would stop arguing and lead the way, I could find out where they've taken everyone.

This is ... really creepy. Footprints lead into the construction site, straight to what looks like a tunnel entrance. Two guards standing watch, pretending not to be.

Time to take risks. Fian, you get to be Mishraile. I'll go as Taim. Chin up, put on a sneer. No, you cannot back out now. You're the only one who can follow a finder.

Good thing there wasn't a password or something. And also that Taim or Mishraile hasn't already gone in today.

Where to?

Voices up ahead. I think we've found them.

Some kind of cells, scraped into the dirt. I think ... yes! There he is!

As it happens, I have been practicing my lock-picking.

All right, Fian - time to get out of here.

I said go. No, I'm not coming with you. I'm going to give you a head start before I open any more of these cells.

Good luck, Venson. Here; have a disguise. I know this guy came down here a few minutes ago.

Now that I'm alone, my heart is pounding in my chest. How long should I wait?

How long CAN I wait?

Tied off a mask of mirrors making it look like Venson is still in there. Hope it's enough.

Now on to the other cells.

Looks like they've caught several Aes Sedai - one of them Logain's - and two of his Asha'man.

They're asleep ... but not shielded?

Light, it's forkroot. There's nothing I can do for forkroot. :( No choice but to get out of here before someone spots me.

Argh, there's someone coming. If I can squeeze against the wall and make myself invisible....

Come ON, move past me already. T_T

Urk. Inside that black cloak ... it has no eyes! Can't move ... can't think ... did it see me?? Light preserve us, a Fade in the Black Tower!

It walked on past. It's just through that door ... Light, I thought I knew what terror was. I'm still afraid to breathe.

Have to get out. Have to ... which way was the exit?

I think ... I hope it's this one.

Dead end. Don't panic; at least I know it's not that one. Um. I'll need a disguise once I'm out into the daylight again. Not Taim - he'll probably be here any minute. Someone else.

Nensen. I saw Nensen come this way. Light, please let this be the right way!

Someone coming again. No sweat; I'm just an everyday Darkfriend who knows there are Fades in the foundation of Taim's palace. I can just idly step past....

It's that Black Ajah lady again. No big deal. Nod and walk on.

Why is she looking at me that way??

Oh it's because she's being followed by NENSEN. THE REAL NENSEN IS HERE AND HE SAW ME AND HE'S PANICKING.

I'M SURROUND--AAAAAGH!

Let me go! It's a mistake, I'm one of Taim's Asha'man! Tell him....

Oh no. He's here.

Thought ... I was dead back there. He took my ter'angreal ... shoved me in a cell. Let Nensen shove some forkroot down my throat, for appearances? Gave instructions to double the guard and enact a password protocol.

Then he promised when he came back he would teach me pain.

Hanled ... I'm sorry. I don't think I'm walking away from this one.

Someone down the hall screaming. I know that voice ... that's Welyn.

Light, how long until it's my turn?

Hanled says ... he says Venson escaped, but Fian hasn't returned. Venson lost track of him inside the Black Tower, and kept walking until he was out. I haven't seen Fian brought in here, though. Where is he??

Venson is telling Hanled what happened to him. If I'm translating right ... Venson decided to spy on Taim in the hope that he could get some good intel for Logain, but it backfired.

Thing is, they weren't torturing him for information. They had him in a room with thirteen Myrddraal and thirteen of Taim's Asha'man, weaving something through them at him. He says ... he says he could feel the Shadow inside him, trying to choke out the Light.

Hanled wants to know exactly where I am so he can rescue me. The lovable fool.

Don't you see that's exactly what they'll be expecting? Taim might even make it easier to get inside the grounds just so he can catch Logain when he tries to rescue his Aes Sedai.

Light, how can one man keep screaming for that long?

He finally stopped, but it was so abrupt. Did they ... is he dead, or...?

Someone coming. Several someones. Please, Light, don't let it be my turn.

It's ... it's Welyn! So he is alive. Are they putting him back in a cell?

No, he's ... standing there laughing at something Nensen said. Like they're FRIENDS.

Oh, I get it. They're playing a cruel joke on his bonded Aes Sedai. Not-Welyn called her Jenare.

I didn't realize there was anyone else awake in here. Did they run out of forkroot?

Jenare has figured out it's not him. She's shrieking, making sure everyone else hears her.

We get it, Jenare. They're creeps who like to use disguises.

They're dragging her from her cell. I hate that I'm glad it isn't me.

Not-Welyn pretending to be upset that she won't come with him willingly. Cut it out, creep; you're not fooling anyone.

They've started. Not-Welyn standing there flinching, like he's actually feeling ... no. No, that can't be the real Welyn. He would never ... never let anyone do that to someone he's bonded to. And his eyes....

Taim, what have you done to him!?

Welyn, why won't you fight them? I know you love her! I've seen the way you look at her, the Light help you both! WHY?

He looked right at me, eyes as empty as a broken vase. He said, "It's the only way. You'll see, once they show you the truth."

I've learned a valuable lesson today. There are worse things Taim can do than torture and kill me.

He can force me to turn my loved ones over to the Shadow.

Hanled? Are you listening?

I need you to promise me something. When they take me ... when it's my turn ... promise me you'll release the bond.

I've seen what they did to Welyn, and I don't want you to feel that.

No please, just listen. One of us has to survive to fight Tarmon Gai'don. You can't throw your life away seeking revenge - and I don't want you to feel me die.

I can't let them do this to you, too.

Now he wants to know what they did to Welyn, but I can't tell him. If he knows, he'll hold out hope that I'm still alive ... but it won't be me. I'll be a shell; a creature of the Shadow living inside my dead face.

It's better for him not to know.

Burn me, why didn't I hide a knife or something sharp in my ... well not my boot; they took those. But someplace. The heroes in the stories are always hiding knives in their boots or stockings or whatever.

Anything to deny the Shadow one more soldier.

Just because I didn't expect anyone to feed me doesn't make the hunger any better. Someone did stop by to dose us all with forkroot, so at least I won't die of dehydration before Taim gets to me.

Really think I'd prefer that, come to think of it.

It's gone quiet again. Never thought I would prefer the sound of screaming to silence. Who's next?

Out she comes ... being dragged, and weeping. They didn't break her.

The rest filing out. Black Ajah, and ... no. Dreadlords, all of them.

Looks like whatever they did to Welyn and Jenare, it takes a lot out of them. Maybe they're done for the night?

Maybe Taim will forget about me until morning....

Yeah I knew that was too good to be true.

AHHH!

Can't ... give in to the pain. Have to ... face him on my feet.

This ... isn't so bad, really. Not compared ... to what I know he's capable of. I guess ... he wants me lucid enough ... to answer questions.

He wants to know ... if I intended to betray him all along, or if ... I just did it because I failed.

I tried so hard ... to spit in his face. Mouth is too dry.

I told him the Lord Dragon knows what he is now. Who he serves.

He laughed.

He says I'm lucky that what they did to Welyn ... can't be used on me. Or maybe unlucky. Because now he has no excuse ... not to torture me until I die from the pain.

Now he says he'll talk to me in the morning? Isn't he going t--AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Son of a goat ... tied the weave.... Hurts too much to see. Oh Light, the pain!

LIGHT, PLEASE HAVE MERCY AND LET ME DIE.

Am I dead? Suddenly the pain ... stopped. Where...?

Still in a cell. Weave must have ... come untied. Maybe now ... I can ... sleep.

Please, can't you let me sleep?

Ugh. I've changed my mind; I hate the taste of forkroot.

What time is it? Did Hanled...? No, he's still here in the back of my head. Told you not to hold on to me through the pain. Stupid.

No but really, what time is it?

He says morning. Still no sign of Fian. Meanwhile the Queen has had all kinds of visitors. Her brother (the other one), that Lord with the yellow eyes who I met at the Wells, even her mother, back from the dead after all this time.

A shame. I really would have liked ... to meet Queen Morgase. I wonder if that will cause problems now that Elayne has been crowned? Not my concern anymore.

Someone in there screaming already. Probably what's-her-face. Jenare. Doesn't matter. I'm sure I can sleep through it.

Or not. Is that ... is that FIAN coming in with Mishraile? Light, did they turn you that quickly?

His eyes ... it looks like him. Now he's apologizing?

Fian, no. How could you give in to the Shadow? Wait, apologizing for what? WHAT DID YOU TELL THEM, FIAN?!

Mishraile saying I don't need to be Turned because the Shadow is already inside me waiting to come out. No. Fian, please tell me you didn't!

Mishraile ... weaving something. Can't see what. Feel it taking hold of me. His lips moving.

"Don't sleep," he says.

It's Dolyn. They're trying to make Dolyn come out. She's already here, clawing for control. All she needs is for me to lose my hold on her.

Mishraile says he has a "parting gift from M'hael." What does tha-- AAARGH! NOT AGAIN!

Think ... I'm starting to get used to this. Either that ... or Mishraile doesn't ... weave it right.

Have to get word to Hanled ... about Fian.

No good. He can't sense it ... over the rest of my pain.

Must be ... something else I can do.

Pounded my knuckles raw ... but I think he got it this time.

Found ... something they missed. Seashell necklace from Hanled.

Think I can file the edge ... make something sharp enough to end this.

Burn you Taim, why did you have to come back now?

"Kneel, and the pain will stop."

I will never kneel to you! Bloody Darkfriend!

Must hold back the rage. Can't let Dolyn win! Just have to hold her ... until he's gone. Until Hanled lets go. PLEASE, LET ME GO!

I'm not talking to you, Shadow-sworn filth! Go bathe in your own excrement!

HANLED PLEASE!

He's ... he's finally gone. Now I can....

No, you can't take that from me! Burn you Taim, let me die!

I'm sorry ... I can't hold her back any longer.

I've failed. Everything I've ever done ... ended in failure. And now ... I've....

I'VE WON. BURN YOU ASHALYN. BURN YOU TAIM. I'LL KNEEL, YOU FLAMING SON OF A GOAT-KISSING SWINE.

YOU SAID IT WOULD STOP IF WE KNELT.

PLEASE. I'LL GROVEL. I'LL KISS YOUR FEET. I'LL....

I'LL BRING YOU LOGAIN!

Shut up, Ashalyn! We're only here because you're too chicken to do what needs to be done!

That's right, cry! You're never taking control of me again. You heard Mishraile - we can't sleep now. We're Compelled to stay awake for the rest of our miserable life. Haha!

Burn you, Taim! You can't leave me in here. I said we would serve you!