Thread by @davejorgenson

Hogwarts didn't have a school counselor and it shows

"What keeps you safe?"

Hagrid: "Giant's blood"
Voldemort: "Horcruxes"
Harry: "My mom, like, really loves me"

Does anyone ever just just grab their Firebolt and start sweeping the floor

Zoom call but it's multiple people using floo powder in one fireplace

“Do you have cell service?”

“No, Muggle tech doesn’t work around here but my patronus is a very fast koala bear”

Think of something happy and patronus-text me back

Harry: "how was your summer, Hagrid?"

Hagrid: "I illegally bred a new animal"

Harry: "Did you see the Dark Mark-"

Hagrid "I CALL EM BLAST-ENDED SKREWTS"

Relevant to this thread:

Not a single kid at Hogwarts has the same name. Harry's never walking down a moving staircase and hearing someone call out "Harry," but it's actually sixth-year Harry Halpert in Ravenclaw.

There's gotta be like ten other 90s kids named Michael at Hogwarts that we're not hearing about.

Ron having a broken wand at Hogwarts was like making a kid write with a piece of mechanical pencil lead all year

Daniel Radcliffe was The Chosen One this whole time

BORN AS THE SEVENTH MONTH DIES !!!

Harry: Someone is trying to kill me

Also Harry: I guess I’ll just swallow this “gillyweed” given to me by an elf that nearly killed me several times

“No, I can’t be bothered to tell Dumbledore about the professor forcing me to cut my own hand until it scars”

Where was Fluffy at the Battle of Hogwarts

Crabbe in books 1-6: hehehehe

Crabbe in book 7: I WILL MURDER YOU WITH FIRE