Thread by @KriteeKanko

A thread on relieving anxiety on a day when I am recovering from covid-19, worried about my family in India (potential covid hotspot) & a champion for just transition + health care dropped out.

I can't speak about grief & emotional regulation practices without being .. 1/

...vulnerable about my own emotional landscape.

My spouse & I spent several days in the last 2 weeks considering if we needed to go to ER. Was pulse rate or oxygen bad enough? Was the chest pain indicative of enough inflammation of my heart that an ECG test was needed? 2/

One day, I was only half-joking when I asked my spouse, "Please take care of my mom, who lives by herself in India, if I don't get up in the morning"

He replied, also half-jokingly, "Yes, I will. What is widower called in Hindi?"

3/

We are both scientists. We were doing everything to objectively respond to the situation we were in. Collect data. Research symptoms, drugs & herbs. Act swiftly. Stay positive. But fears and anxiety were very very real.

4/

A key question at some points was "Is my heart rate high or oxygen low because of anxiety or is it 'cause of the virus?"

I couldn't answer the question without knowing what are my symptoms without anxiety?

Emotional regulation is a very crucial medical need today. 5/

In these 2.5 weeks, it has been a blessing for me to be able to tap into emotional regulation and grieving practices that I have learnt & taught over the past 7 years.

Whenever I noticed the question "anxiety or virus?", I started with slowing down. I always try breath first 6/

Long exhalations are the single most effective ways to control panic attacks. Elongate breath as much as possible (without coughing!). I took at least ten long breaths. Inhale to the count of 4 to 8, hold for 2-5, exhale 4-12, hold 2-5.

When I couldn't do deep breaths... 7/

...then I either asked my partner to hold my hand or touched physical things or remembered people/places that make me feel loved/safe.

This is crucial.

We are not anxious because of hard thoughts themselves but rather with the cycle of hard sensations within our body. 8/

Evoking memory of faces of kind & loving people from the past and/or imagining details of beautiful places grounds us. These "safe" memories calm down hard sensations in our body. No matter what is happening, we can all access a memory of relative safety. Can't we? 9/

Now this is where grief comes in....

When I remember people or places who make me feel safe in my body and I calm down a bit, often fear comes back "o, my calming memory is of my best friend in school but I'm afraid that today she doesn't have health insurance" 10/

Or....thinking of smell or taste of my mother's cooking grounds me but I'm worried there aren't enough ventilators in India to treat them now if they get severely sick.

This is where allowing grief was important for me. 11/

I had to take the time to feel the profound love of people or places that made me feel safe in my body and grieve the fears of loss.

Years of doing grief rituals had made it clear that grief is nothing but love. However, I cannot access this grief-love without slowing down. 12/

When I begin to touch this grief-love, I sing or hum to deepen my entry into grieving process.

We all have songs that break our hearts. Pick one from John Prine. A sad bollywood song. Blues. Hymns

I allow tears, loud belly sounds or movement when I begin to well up. 13/

I am used to tapping into grief by myself but sometimes it is important to do this with friends we trust. Online video chat can do it too.

All we need to do is slow down first. Turn off news. Try to walk slowly or rock the body if you can't be fully still. Then breath. 14/

If anyone has trouble breathing deep for any reason, we can take refuge in other approaches to slow down. Take a walk -observe a plant/tree. Describe colors in your room. Touch objects and describe their shapes. One by one. Chant. Many things can slow down our anxious mind. 15/

When slow enough, please invite memories of ease, safety & connection. Invite the dance of watching ease become grief. Grief being love. love become strength & clarity.

I have gone through the cycles many times in these 2.5 weeks. Sometimes it was virus, sometimes anxiety. 16/

Perhaps some of you would try the ideas here & let me know if these practices brought you any respite from anxiety?

Tagging my favorite "climate grief" people @annajanejoyner @bethsawin @barbaraeford1 @dlhills @TricksyRaccoon @rachelmalena @yumcoconutmilk @MaryHeglar 17/17