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What in the actual shit is wrong with EVERYBODY who willing works for Donald Trump?
After this, Jerome Adams' LinkedIn profile is just gonna be:
Jerome Adams: Bossman Trump is tryna hep us through this crisis.
...
Adams: And hes knows that if we just pull up our pants and act with respect, ain't no virus gonna hurts nobody.
Hoke Colburn: Negro, I'ma need you to git the hell out my car. You can walk your ass to the sto'.
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Elie Mystal
@ElieNYC
Where the hell is @JoeBiden? Why does it feel like he's putting "pandemic responder" on his LinkedIn profile, instead of running for President? Where is the COUNTER PROGRAMMING to Trump's daily 'rona rallies?
Biden MUST do better. My latest in @thenation
thenation.com/article/politi…
If I could summarize the criticism to this, it's "C'mon, what more can Biden do? He went on @Morning_Joe!"

I... uhh... anticipated this question! So much so that I literally wrote an entire article about what ELSE Biden could be doing right now.

That article is linked above. :)
To put a bow on this, how many of you are watching @andrewcuomo, who is being carried *live* on @MSNBC and @CNN in the middle of the day, as he is every day?

There is nothing Cuomo is doing or saying or teaching right now that Biden could not also be doing, daily.
Read 4 tweets
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Elie Mystal
@ElieNYC
Shorter @andrewcuomo: "Everybody who has a basic understanding of American government, please leave the room... Not so fast @realDonaldTrump. This lesson is entirely for you, Donny Dumb-Dumb."
Now we're into the Star Wars portion of this presser:
@realDonaldTrump: Use your aggressive feelings, boy. Let the hate flow through you.
@andrewcuomo: I'm a Jedi, like my father before me.

Soon:
@realDonaldTrump: So be it, New Yorkers. Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the Dark Side. You have paid the price for your lack of vision!
Read 3 tweets
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Elie Mystal
@ElieNYC
My 7yo is doing a math worksheet and it's telling him that the eraser (37 cents) costs more than the pencil (18 cents) and he's OUTRAGED.

"If you're poor and you can't afford the eraser, you can't correct your mistakes. BUT IF YOU'RE RICH you can erase ALL your mistakes."
I feel like my work here is done.
I cannot believe this is touching off a "but pencils have (small, crappy) erasers so poor people are fine" debate.

Ronald Reagan screwed up this country forever.
Read 3 tweets

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