Thread by @MarkFrancois12

Extracts from the plague diary of Mark ne-Francois-Pepys

April 14th 1665

Up; and put on my coloured silk Kappa tracksuit very fine, and periwigg, bought a good while since, but durst not wear, because the plague is in Wickford when I bought it; and it is a wonder what

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will be the fashion after the plague is done.
This morning in facemask comes the Loan Arranger Sunak and tells me how the Johnson is safely at Chequers and surrounded by fridges full of ovenready meals, God be praised! but also that Eamonn Holmes

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be reproaching the imperfection of humane learning, crying: “All our physicians cannot tell what an ague is, and all our arithmetique is not able to number the days of a man; and as such we cannot say the 5G isn’t responsible for Corona” which, God knows,

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it is not the fault of arithmetique, that his understandings reach not the thing and he be a moron.
Much melancholy in cleaning my horse, Evoque 2.0, that I have not taken her around the M25 for some time and that I yearn for just one stolen day at Clacket Lane services,

4/10

I had one of my brain-ideas and set Hartley-Brewer and the boy Bridgen to bringing the concrete merrieness to me, and they did assemble a garish victualling court on my patio with plentiful wasps and fruit machines, and a line of chaymber pots, and a piece of parchment

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which by the hourglass they initialed to demonstrate cleanliness. Lunch, at our charmingly named Cul-de-Snack Stop and much joy that Hartley-Brewer did charge me an eyewatering premium for a limp Egg Sandwich and Monster and much deliciating over a selection of novelty

6/10

Cromwell neck pillows, children’s reference books on the Mary Rose and personalised King James Bibles with names from Aaron to Zachary but no Mark. After, the potato salesman Lineker did park his pony, Micra, too close to Evoque in the authentically small parking bays,

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that access to my stirrups was blocked, and so vexed, I scratched his saddle and did give offer of a kick at him, and I did oppose the strength of his arguments that I asked him to park there to deliver my crisps, and it rose to a mighty heate, very high words arising,

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and was seen doing so by my neighbour Widdecombe out shooting songbirds in her garden and this did concern me to the heart, because she might be telling my Lady Truss of it; though I did put on presently a very pleasant face to her, and spoke kindly to him, as one

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without passion, so as it may be she might not think I was angry, and this was all splendid foolery and for a stolen moment, it felt as if I really was arguing in the carpark of Clacket Lane Services.
Ultimate Force box-sette. Billy Bear Slicing Sausage. Bed

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