Watching End of The World (1977), and tweeting because it's very riffable.
Pinball geezer!
Man, Christopher Lee was tall!
Explodaphone.
Well, what you've done there is blunder out the window.
I'll just leave that corpse there for someone else to deal with.
Two Christopher Lees!
Starring Kubrick's Lolita.
1970s computers. The Matrix was big and noisy back then. Also, smoking in the lab.
Big red phone. Signals from outer space. I think we have plot.
Oh, hi exposition intern.
We are following every minute of our protagonist's journey home in what feels like real time. And establishing the shit out of his street and house.
All the cars are brown.
As is his interior decor.
But not his blue ruffled shirt.
Is that a whiskey glass in an ashtray? Yes it is.
We. Scientist man and adult Lolita are making out.
Back to the bulky computers. No one smoking currently.
Lots of space and chunky computer sounds.
^^We should have been Eww.
A lot of blue shirts and dresses.
Wait, this social event that exposition intern mentioned, and scientist man and adult Lolita built up to was just about 5 seconds of screen time? Okay, fine then.
Running geezer. He also needs subtitles.
Room resonance burying the dialogue.
Hey, a space shuttle in a warehouse!
Let's walk and talk. There's a lot of walking and talking.
Bleeping lights. Yeah, you better believe he's got a migraine.
Clack clack clack clack clack clack clack
Sexy dressing gown hanging action and blue pj's.
This guy looks distracted even when he's doing something he's committed to. Sex must be awful. Adult Lolita needs another lover.
Is that Carl Sagan? It can't be.
There's a lot of loud conversation in echoey rooms.
Exposition news bringing us plot. I mean mysterious natural disasters.
He drives, he exposits.
Nuns gardening! It's an ugly garden. Too many roses.
A lot of scenes in darkness too. Not all of it attributable to decor and wardrobe.
Nice red jacket adult Lolita has.
Adult Lolita and scientist man have broken in somewhere and she's calling for him after they got separated. I know how she feels, I can't see a thing.
Jump scare runs by.
About 40 minutes in. Time for a last coffee before I dive into the alcoholic ginger beer. And for a recap. Everyone was 40 or older in the 1970s, even the children. Everything was brown or blue: cars, pj's, interiors, everything.
Meanwhile in the film pinball geezer runs a coffee shop in what appears to be the inside of an enormous dustbin. Confused Christopher Lee wanders in asking to use the phone. Pinball geezer says yes because it's Christopher Lee, and also twice his size.
Christopher Lee goes to the phone while pinball geezer goes to make coffee. The phone explodes, the coffee machine explodes in sympathy, pinball geezer is blinded and stumbles to the window. The window and neon sign explode too.
This apparently kills pinball geezer who half falls out the window. Christopher Lee (who's apparently a priest) goes to bless the corpse. The first time there's a big spark, but second time works. Christopher Lee trudges off back to evil Christopher Lee.
Computer stuff. Signals into space, signals from space, signals from elsewhere in America, some coinciding with natural disasters. During which time exposition intern, adult Lolita and scientist man talk about and prepare for a banquet which has approximately zero screen time.
Unintelligible science geezer tells scientist man he's going to do talks around the country for Washington. He and his wife adult Lolita start investigating signals. First going to nuns in a crappy garden that's all paths and roses, then somewhere dark.
Which, frankly, is most places in this movie. All caught up? Good, I'll resume.
Still dark af.
Creepy music, sound effects and largely black screen. Is this a radio play?
Torches. 'Come down the stairs!' There are stairs now? I am so lost as far as location goes.
Anyway, they're being threatened with guns and torches. Something's happening! Something's happening!
'I still don't understand what's going on.' You and me both, Sue Lyon.
Wait are all the shirts blue, or is the white balance weird?
More computer porn. This facility's way better endowed than scientist man's. Oddly quieter though.
Hot towel-wearing action from scientist man and adult Lolita. And... oh god, no! Please let their sexy times be off camera again. No. No. Not on-screen! Please. Eww.
I have never been so grateful for a cut to a brown sedan pulling up to a convent.
And it's daylight. I still like her red jacket.
Nice kitchen, creepy nun. Now make with Father Christopher Lee.
Yes! Christopher Lee's back. The best part of the film so far. Man, he's good.
Checking the convent for odd signals. Outside, then in, we can't have too much light in this film.
Search over, and nothing turned up. Can we stay with Christopher Lee? He's more interesting than our protagonist couple.
No, of course we can't. Back to computer room, unintelligible geezer, AND exposition intern - I thought he was done.
Does this guy ever smile?
Smoking and drinking again! In a daylit garden by an ugly ass pool. Scientist man explains what I couldn't read from the screen or printout in the computer cave.
The convent sent a description of scientist man and adult Lolita into space. So now they have to go back (at night of course) to break in and check it out, for reasons.
Nice piano music.
Ambushed by creepy nuns, one with a monster hand, overseen by one of the Christopher Lees, and led past the other. Two for the price of one! And into the darkness downstairs.
Sciencey instruments and screens. It's like beige Barbarella for middle aged '70s swingers. With nuns.
Christopher Lee says, 'Have repairs been made to the velocity control system? ... Some warp speed should be in order.' and it doesn't sound nearly as silly as it should.
Creepy nuns watch priest Christopher Lee saying the Lord's Prayer, then lead him downstairs.
I'm onto the alcoholic ginger beer now.
Well, now the creepy nuns have killed one of the Christopher Lees. What a waste! Still evil Christopher Lee around though.
Cloning!
Alien clone Christopher Lee and alien clone creepy nuns are stranded on earth. They have to travel by 'what you humans would call a. Time. Warp' Best line so far from the best actor in the film.
I'll say it again, man he was tall.
This film shot in blindfold vision.
Has the film had a stroke? Everyone seems to be talking slow and odd. Or maybe that's just what it's done to my brain.
Trying to escape in the dark. I think. I can't see anything. Alien clone Christopher Lee sees all, though.
Still escaping in the dark, but right back to the convent/spaceship.
Soft hijack of a car on the highway. It's okay, everyone was hijacking everything in the 1970s. It was like a pre-millennial Oyster card. All you needed was a weapon, and persuasive story, or just a drunk enough pilot. But back to the story. I don't see this going wrong at all.
Oh look, the car blew up! And scientist man and adult Lolita made no attempt to rescue flat cap driver.
Buzzing. I like it. Caustic and crunchy. And a nice dining room and towering Christopher Lee. 'I trust you slept well!' This is good.
The clone aliens are after something called a variance crystal. It has something to do with their Time. Warp.
Eww they're kissing. I don't like this. Just go steal the crystal for the aliens already.
Of course it's night time again. God forbid we see anything that happens.
This looks more like a chemical plant than a laboratory. Anyway, the nice piano music's back. Plus some bloopy, bassy electronic sounds. The soundtrack and music is the other saving grace alongside Christopher Lee.
Quick toilet break, and reflection on the choices that brought me here.
Also reflection on the subtle difference between impassive (Christopher Lee) and inexpressive (most of the rest of the cast, especially our male protagonist).
But in fairness, Sue Lyon doing okay with a role that basically treats her as a bit of furniture that occasionally talks or screams. I still don't understand her marriage to scientist man...
...it appears to consist entirely of awkward silences, withholding information, and zero communication. And yet the film insists that they have a vigorous and frequent sex-life. Maybe since they barely seem to know each other. Or it's trying to overcompensate for something.
Right, break over. Let's get back to the break-in.
Top creeping action. I mean conspicuous as hell, but I can definitely tell he's creeping. Luckily the guard with a desk by a couple of pillars is facing away, and reading a book. He may have been drinking too. No evidence for that other than the time period.
Chloroform.
Oh right. The variance crystal is the glowing green thing scientist man put on a space suit made out of that stuff inside wine cooler bags to go see, which I forgot to mention when it happened and in the recap.
He did the walk and talk with two people, got in the wine cooler suit, went into a blue lit dark room, had a look at the crystal, then we cut to another scene. I couldn't see anything, and I don't think anything was explained.
I mean why do we pay exposition intern if he's not going explain things like that? No, we'll save him to build up the banquet that didn't happen.
Womp womp womp.
Wide shot. And that security guard's desk is nowhere, overlooking nothing. He might as well have been in a broom closet. Or on the roof. This is madness. But did I see another person arrive?
Yes, another security guard. Who does nothing.
Further guards do though, and shoot. It looks like they blow up a petrol tank doing so, but I think it's alien clone evil Christopher Lee with his mind powers.
He overpowers scientist man with his superior acting and the creepy nuns carry scientist man back to the convent/spaceship.
Christopher Lee has to destroy the Earth, because it's that guy on the bus who's crapped his pants AND is coughing Covid on everyone. Basically we're a germ-ridden galactic superspreader.
Natural disasters are the way the aliens will destroy the world.
And now the alien clone nuns leave via Time. Warp. While on the monitors stock footage destroys buildings. Soundtrack is still great.
And before leaving Christopher Lee transforms into a rubbery looking alien with big eyes and a nearly cube-shaped head.
Fake volcano! Fake lava flow. Stock footage burning. Stock footage volcano.
Dam collapse. Avalanche.
Wait, are our protagonists going to say 'too bad, nice knowing you' and Time. Warp. to the alien world?
I guess so.
Apparently the convent will be the last thing on Earth to be destroyed.
And there the planet blows up. An obvious model, complete with flaming chunks.
I think there was an environmental message buried in there somewhere. I guess. Anyway, we have no budget for the alien home so cut to credits, which are super hard to read. Good spacey music and sound effects though.
Overall, good soundtrack and music, lots of Christopher Lee, decent performance from Sue Lyon with a script that was a discarded shopping list, okay effects, massive computers, lots of brown sedans, smoking indoors and at work. But...
too dark most of the time, uninformative script, all the other performances somnambulant, some unintelligible dialogue, and largely nothing happened.
But kudos for some ambiguity about alien Christopher Lee, and for our human protagonists deciding they still have more energetic, regular, and thankfully off-screen sex to have, this time on an alien world, despite possessing all the chemistry of a couple of wet rags.
Right, that's it, thanks for reading. I had fun, but possibly won't do this again. I'm not sure I'd recommend watching the film, except maybe with friends to riff it. I'm off to bed. Hope you continue having a good lockdown.
