Thread by @dyllyp

Imagine being an artist signed to an agent who also reps a fake person lmaooooooo.

https://twitter.com/popcrave/status/1258245256266616832

Me: Hey so I was wondering if we could a quick phone call in tomorrow. I’ve got some questions about this contract.

Agent: Yeah, so, um, that’s not gonna work, I’m meeting with my robot client tomorrow.

Me:

I remember when I signed with UTA. Jay, the president, had me up in his penthouse office. Gave me the whole pep talk about how I was gonna make boatloads of money and blah blah blah. Dude was great, but man, that’s 18 months I wish I could have back.

I was in his office and he was like “We rep the Coen Bros, Judd Apatow, Gary Whitta, et al.” Then he started calling celebrities on speakerphone to have them tell me how much they liked being with UTA. Your boy was SOLD.

Right off the bat I got hired to write for a network series, but never got to because the pilot was so bad Fox scrapped it. Then my agent and Jay were talking connecting me with [redacted] to shoot an investigative piece in Iraq.

They put me on the phone with Jake Tapper, but I told em I wasn’t going back to Iraq. Iraq was scary af w/ the US Army behind me, I sure af wasn’t gonna go back with a camera crew. And athe time Kirkuk was ISIS’s stronghold. There were literally heads on pikes on the sidewalk.

They were trying to get me this book/movie deal. BUT if I wanted the whole package, I had to leave my lit agent at the time, @UweStenderPhD, and sign with a lit agent that they worked with. Still a move I regret until this day. I quickly figured out how sideways the industry is.

Anyway, I guess the point I was tryna make is that if you’re the little guy, agencies don’t give af about you. All that matters is the dollar signs.