Pulp Librarian Profile picture
May 11, 2020 10 tweets 4 min read Read on X
For our #MondayMotivaton today I try to work out which sports we can still play whilst socially distancing...

...explained through the medium of Hot Hits compilation albums! Image
Association Football? NO! Keeping two meters apart is too difficult in soccer, unless we use the rules of table football for each match (note: no spinning and no tilting the pitch!) Image
Angling? YES! Social distancing is the reason most people take up this pastime in the first place, plus the smell of bait keeps most people at least two meters away from you. Image
Motor racing? POSSIBLY! Yes you're far away from people on the track, but pit crews would probably have to be banned. You'll need to change your own tyres if you want to bring back F1 nowadays. Image
Archery? YES! In fact there's no better way to keep people socially distanc than waving a recursive bow around and yelling "don't you f*cking dare!" like a distressed drunk at the Battle of Agincourt. Image
Skeleton Bob? NO! You're going to leave a trail of exhaled germs behind you on the track that all subsequent competitors would inhale. Technically one person only could compete safely, but is that really sport? Image
Triple Jump? YES! Possibly the safest of all track and field events, but competitors would need masks in case they sneezed in the sandpit. Rakes would of course need to be two meters long. Image
Rugby? NO! Not even League. Scrums, tackles and communal singing in a shared bath afterwards makes this a COVID-19 no-no. Don't try Rugby Sevens either, as I'm not convinced that's actually a sport rather than a warm-up. Image
Tennis? POSSIBLY! Keeping two meters apart would mean lots of emphasis on 100mph aces from the baseline and that really kills the drama of the game. Players would have to sanitize their own balls and stop picking at their pants before serving too. Image
Well there you have it: sport is possible during the coronavirus outbreak but you have to think it through beforehand. Fortunately sports enthusiasts are our top thinkers, so I'm sure common sense will prevail! #StayAlert Image

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More from @PulpLibrarian

Jun 30
Given the current heatwave, I feel obliged to ask my favourite question: is it time to bring back the leisure suit?

Let's find out... Image
Now we all know what a man's lounge suit is, but if we're honest it can be a bit... stuffy. Formal. Businesslike. Not what you'd wear 'in da club' as the young folks say. Image
So for many years tailors have been experimenting with less formal, but still upmarket gents attire. The sort of garb you could wear for both a high level business meeting AND for listening to the Moody Blues in an espresso bar. Something versatile. Image
Read 16 tweets
Jun 29
Time once again for my occasional series "Women with great hair fleeing gothic houses!"

Let's see what's in the library... Image
The Voice of the House, by Margaret Erskine (an Inspector Finch Gothic Mystery). Ace Gothic, 1973.

She'll fall over if she leans like that. Image
The Three Sisters of No End House, by Mona Farnsworth. Ace Gothic, 1972.

I said she'll fall over if she leans like that! Image
Read 10 tweets
Jun 27
Today in pulp I look back at the publishing phenomenon of gamebooks: novels in which YOU are the hero!

A pencil and dice may be required for this thread... Image
Image
Gamebooks are a simple but addictive concept: you control the narrative. At the end of each section of the story you are offered a choice of outcomes, and based on that you turn to the page indicated to see what happens next. Image
Gamebook plots are in fact complicated decision tree maps: one or more branches end in success, but many more end in failure! It's down to you to decide which path to tread. Image
Read 22 tweets
Jun 18
Time for a pulp countdown now, and today it's my top 10 public relations campaigns! Image
At no 10: prunes! Let's get this party started. Image
At no 9: butter! Don't suffer from a lack of it. Image
Read 12 tweets
Jun 15
You know what I haven't done in a while? Bad book covers!

Let's change that... Image
Ooh you little lyre... Guardian Angels, by Joseph Citro. Zebra Books, 1988. Image
How I answer the door in the mornings... Encounters With Aliens, by George W. Earley. Charter House, 1978. Image
Read 13 tweets
May 11
He was the terror of London; a demonic figure with glowing eyes and fiery breath who could leap ten feet high. The penny dreadfuls of the time wrote up his exploits in lurid terms. But who was he really?

Today I look at one of the earliest pulp legends: Spring-Heeled Jack! Image
London has always attracted ghosts, and in the 19th Century they increasingly left their haunted houses and graveyards and began to wader the capital's streets.

But one apparition caught the Victorian public attention more than most... Image
In October 1837 a 'leaping character' with a look of the Devil began to prey on Londoners. Often he would leap high into the air and land in front of a carriage, causing it to crash. It would then flee with a high-pitched laugh.

The public soon named him "Spring-Heeled Jack." Image
Read 14 tweets

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