Thread by @ayyDhar

A thread on the entire Boys Locker Room episode, calling out / cancel culture, men not feeling like they're given equal attention to women when it comes to issues.
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#BoysLockerRoomTruth #BoysLockerRoom

I'm super annoyed with the narrative forming around this. And I generally don't want to come across as preachy. Cus I'm in no position to say anything, I'm not an expert, student of the arts and most importantly I'M NOT A WOMAN.
Listen to them!!!!
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But unfortunately in our society, a lot of such guys are more receptive to things / don't discount these takes when a man says it.
Cus they automatically undermine anything a woman says :'/

So I think this needs to be said. One more time for the people in the back.
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Stop pedalling and believing misinformation. Misogynistic men now mocking feminists for the entire boys locker room episode, suddenly out of nowhere. IT IS STILL A VERY REAL EVENT WHICH HAPPENED.
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The Boys Locker Room had nothing to do with the Snapchat case. None of what went down in the IG chats has been proven to be a lie. We're all aware of this mentality that guys have in closed groups, where they think it's okay to objectify women.
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~ Calling out people / Cancel culture ~

Putting screenshots isn't the best way to deal with things, agreed. But it is an amazing way to use the good of social media to create awareness.

Take the Boys Locker Room for example
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A lot of boys will be a lot more aware and vigilant of not crossing boundaries just for the sake of objectifying women. Cus if it feels "normal" and "not that big a deal to us" it's BECAUSE the system we were raised in makes us feel it's okay to do so.
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While this works for 99% of cases, there are still the very real cases of fake allegations where lives and reputations of innocent men are tarnished and they're written off as collateral damage.

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~ Collateral Damage ~

Hands down - The power of accusing someone SHOULD be used more responsibly, as a society, we need to get better at minimizing "collateral damage".
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Sure over the past 200+ years, millions of women have fallen prey to things much much more heinous than "naam kharab hona" or "life barbaad ho jana". Because of the systemic male privilege and misogyny which existed. And sure, no one cared or spoke up about them.
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But only because they happened in the past, doesn't mean we let innocent people (nothing 100% innocent exists, but in the gray area close to innocent), get called out/cancelled for things they didn't do. Because real lives are at stake here too.
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At the same time, we also need to look at history and understand that while unfortunate, this will take time to go away. It's easy to say, when it's not my life at stake, I know.
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If what women have been facing for the last 200+ years has only started to slowly peel away now, and we are nowhere close to fixing THAT problem. We really can't expect our lives and the society WE LIVE IN to become perfect in a month!!
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And the truth is we're only suddenly realizing how UNFAIR all these things are, because for the first time in a long long time, men ARE being held accountable and men ARE being punished. We're finally facing the consequences. It was about time!
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Why isn't there more outrage on OUR ISSUES!!? How men are falsely accused and how their lives are ruined because of it!!
(Annoyingly, in the case of boys locker room, bitxh it's cus that snapchat ss WASN'T RELATED and was used to sensationalize it, which was wrong.)
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~ Issues men have, not being NOT GIVEN EQUAL TREATMENT to women ~

We feel like men have no representation when it comes to this, but women keep talking about it. Or "why do you only talk about women suffering!!?"

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This is a common narrative where a lot of us men, feel like there's TOO MUCH spotlight put on the female cases and female problems are made a huge issue out of - so much so that us men are simply an afterthought.
If you feel like this too, please read on.
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I understand where people come from when they think this. It's easy to feel like things aren't equal when you ONLY see cases where women blame men for the horrible things they do. It's easy to mistake this to be inequality, when in reality it isn't.

Bear with me here.
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Look at these two FACTS -

1. The sheer number of women affected by this is much much much much more than the men.

2. When people speak up, they act as inspiration. for others who have suffered the same fate - both for men and women.

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Women HAVE been suffering for a whole lot longer. So the overall voice in media, is such because more women getting inspired and finding the courage to speak out.
And more power to them!💪🏽

You can't hold a lens of equality when the number of crimes themselves are unequal.

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Wait what? Did I just say women and men are unequal!?

Still not sold on that last line there?
Let's unpack that - with an example.
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Say you have a room of 100 people -
50 men and 50 women (wrt India's sex ratio 52 men 48 women)

If someone walks in with a blindfold and tells everyone "Who has someone of the opposite gender to blame for something which was WRONG?, Please line up."

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(WRONG = sexual assault, fake allegations whatever, let your mind go wild really)

35 women and 5 men line up.

All the 40 cases are then treated fairly and there's enough commotion around each.

Zoom out...
Which narrative do you think will be overpowering!?

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Now, lets look at that ratio to understand this better, (it should be WAAYYY higher but bear with me)

7 women : 1 man

Now every time a woman talks about her experience, you say - "But don't forget this 1 man", you repeat it for
👏every👏single👏 of👏 the 👏7 women👏

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You say "Both genders are equal, pay equal attention to both"

NO.

Saying "pay equal attention to both" is implying that 5 men are equivalent to 35 women.
Does it make sense to say 5 humans = 35 humans? No? Exactly.

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Pause and recognize your internalized male privilege, which makes you think that even though these 7 women have been wronged just like you have been wronged, you think both the issues should get equal "stage time".
They absolutely shouldn't.

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Yes. Both the issues aren't treated with equal attention -

ESPECIALLY if you're treating people of both genders EQUALLY.

Anything else, and you're not being fair to the 100 people in the room

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I hope one day they will be equal, the amount of attention media and the masses pay to both women and men when it comes to such topics.

The day when we'll have 5 men and 5 women in a sample space of 100.

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But we'll only take longer when everytime such shit happens. Us men use it as an excuse to ride on right back up on the "NoT aLL mEn" bandwagon.

Read. Educate Yourself. Recognize where your feelings are coming from.

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I might be wrong in a lot of places, feel free to correct me. Like I said at the start, I'm just talking about what I feel!

The internet is the only place I've gotten my education wrt this, again, far far far from an expert.

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If you're someone who's read thus far (especially if you're a guy) and disagree/have more to add.
DM/Comment.

Maybe we can have a conversation out of which both of us grow as individuals!

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