Thread by @KentBeck

A story about human connection.

I've played guitar and sang for 50 years. I rarely play for anyone else. I'm haunted by the feeling that I need to be better before exposing myself to others. (Deep roots to this--story for another day.)

I have a love/hate relationship with practicing. Sometimes I do it and love it, the sense that I know where the boundaries are and I know if I'm doing it right. Sometimes I do it and hate it, since I could always be faster and cleaner.

Often I don't practice. It's exhausting not knowing whether I'm going to drift into OCD bliss or savage myself. And then I beat myself up for not practicing. (Don't worry, we're getting to the connection/redemption part of the story.)

You may have seen my guitars in the background of a video presentation. People comment on them frequently. (There's one for every 5 years I've played.) Folks at @GustoHQ see them every day.

I've started getting on meetings a couple of minutes early and playing. People noticed and started showing up to listen. It's a moment of peace. It's a moment of connection. People thank me for the song.

Here's the thing: I'm not playing anything fancy. Sometimes I'm just noodling with whatever chords come into my head. I'm not sweating through a Joplin rag I've spent 100 hours perfecting. I'm just playing.

Here's the other thing: I'm practicing consistently and with focus. I like my music connecting me to people. I want more of it. Smoothing the path from music idea to sound waves helps me connect more.

I don't have to grind, to force myself to play one more scale. I connect. I want to connect more. I do what's necessary for that. Pull, not push.

For me, iron willpower is not the key to musical growth. Human connection is.

Now I'm kicking myself for 50 years wasted. But that's a problem for another day.