Hugh de Lacy - would you buy a second hand car from this man? A swarthy man with small, black deepset eyes, a flat nose, an ugly scar on his cheek, a short neck & hairy sinewy body. He was short and ill made in person, but in character firm and resolute #Trim starts half an hour 
Strongbow, the boyo, supporting Dermot MacMorrough (less said the better) arrived in Wexford with a load of knights and quickly took control of large parts of Leinster - May the divil mend him #Trim
Things weren’t great for the Irish and were about to get worse. The king of England (a Frenchman) Henry II said “I don’t like this one bit” or in French “Merde!” Fearing a competitor he sent his man Hugh de Lacy over “go on ya boya” or in French “Alez Garçon” #Trim
Hugh looked around Meath and liked what he saw “lovely jubley- rich agricultural land, lovely people, potential All-Ireland winners, everything perfect - “I think this is what heaven is like” “this is better than all the other counties put together” (ed. Enough now Hugh) #Trim
“I can see only one problem” said Hugh “Meath people ( nice as they are) probably don’t want me to steal their land off them”. “Nice as we are” said the people of Meath “we don’t want anyone to steal our land” #Trim
“The only thing between me and all the land of Meath is Tiernan O’Rourke” mused Hugh “and if I made him an offer he couldn’t refuse ... Garçon, can you set up a meeting with Tiernan” “Sure boss” said Brian the Devious” “GRMA (Merci) #Trim
“Hill of Ward” (near Athboy) says Tiernan “Dawn, Friday the 13th” “Bon” replies Hugh “come unarmed and alone”. “Sure” said Tiernan reassured “perfidious Albion hasn’t been invented yet” “Tres Bon” smiles Hugh #Trim
Tiernan O’Rourke, prince of Brefney, brave, heroic and a little too trusting arrives at the Hill of Ward “Story Hugh?””Bonjour!” replies Hugh are you alone?” “Completely” replies Tiernan “Credule!” Says Hugh “What?” “Nothing” #Trim
“Do you see” said Hugh “that I have brought your cousin ‘Brian the Devious’ with me to ... er ... translate - are you unarmed?” “Completely unarmed and alone , indeed I was just remarking in what a nice morning it .....*chop* “youch!” #Trim
Brian the Devious, first cousin of Tiernan O’Rourke had a hatchet hidden under his cloak and, much to Tiernans surprise and disappointment whipped it out and chopped off Tiernans head “I want expecting that” groaned Tiernan #Trim
Now that the last Irish king was dead, Hugh was free to “fill Meath up with castles”. He built a massive one in Trim (the divil mend him). He had to pay a knights tribute to the king of England (the Frenchman) so he decided up Meath among his followers #Trim
Now things were going splendidly for Hugh, castles and mottes and baileys and fortified enclosures and archaeologically unclassified defence systems “Fantastique” said Hugh “I’m loving it - j’adore ca” #Trim
“Durrow Hugh” said the Fox - an Sionnach, the trickiest Irishman alive “Pardon Reynard? “Durrow, County Offaly, you should build a castle there”. “Excellent suggestion” “I will send my chief assas.. em ...surveyor to help you” “he suis oblige” says Hugh #Trim
Down in Durrow the castle was nearly built. Hugh and the Fox’s assi... em .. surveyor were admiring the work. “It’s lovely c’est adorable” said Hugh. “Do you see the top?” “Oui” “The very top?” “Oui” “you might want to stretch your neck out a bit more .. to admire the view” #Trim
“Ah oui, I see the top of the castle”. “Raise your chin a little more so as to .... er .. see a bit better”. “Like this, comme ca?””Ta, yes, oui.... chop” “youch... Merde!” The surveyor chops Hugh’s head off. #Trim
And that is the (abridged) life and death of Hugh de Lacy, the great Norman lord of Meath. #Trim
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