Let's hope it hasn't changed from the multiple government statements given out all weekend, or the story won't ring true and the whole government will look complicit.
"My wife has a special kind of dyslexia that makes her think that Durham is spelt L.o.n.d.o.n.". #CummingsConfession
People who saw me at Barnard Castle experienced what intelligent people who understand Quantum physics like me call Quantum Supposition. I was both in Barnard Castle and at home at the same time. #CummingsConfession
My family is actually unique in that we have a child and either of the parents could get it. In most families this is impossible. #CummingsConfession
It wasn't a second home or a caravan, it was 'another' home. This is not in the guidance for good reason. I know, I was involved in the process. #CummingsConfession
I had a very vivid memory of a scientist saying that transporting people who were definitely sick away from areas of high incidence was a good thing in a pandemic. I now realise that this was actually a dream and is, on reflection, batshit crazy. #CummingsConfession
Nobody was at increased risk in the extended car trip because we all wore beanies which are scientifically proven to increase immune system effectiveness. Either that or I've been going around looking like a plonker for years, and I very much doubt that! #CummingsConffession
There was literally no outlets prepared to deliver food outside our door in London. We could not have survived in such isolation. #CummingsConfession
While working at SAGE most of the guidance came from the intellectual pandemic elites, and I clearly knew to ignore their advice and act on the instinct of my superior brain #CummingsConfession
You knew I'd be the chief advisor in the General Election, so really it's everybody else's fault. #CummingsConfession
If we hadn't gone to Durham we would have been able to have nobody provide child care for us. #CummingsConfession
Everybody knows the disease effects everybody the same, and when my wife was breathless and occasionally a bit achy it became clear that we couldn't cope if we both ended up with such deliberating symptoms. #CummingsConfession
ABBA has woken many a coma patient from their bed, so this was actually preventative medicine. #CummingsConfession
I knew I was guaranteed to get the virus when I heard that it was caused by touching your face. My head is almost 100% face, damnit! #CummingsConfession
I was actually conducting a kind of scientific experiment. #CummingsConfession
I definitely didn't go to a funeral or do anything else that nobody is accusing me of. #CummingsConfession
None of the things I did were *identical* to the things that other people, who were honourable enough to resign, did. #CummingsConfessions
I did not make the decision alone. I took advice from Tom Harwood and Darren Grimes who said I was completely within the rules. It was on the basis of their advice I acted. #CummingsConfession
I was spending my money in a depressed areas in the North, and it's typical of the metropolitan elite who have never been North of Watford to scoff at this. #CummingsConfession
I know this might be unique, but I actually love my family....! If I am guilty of anything it is loving too much. #CummingsConfessions
If I was to resign at this time, we will all be dead of Covid within the week. That's how important I am to this. #CummingsConfession
I know Number 10 said I was working fine from home, but I wasn't, it was necessary for me to travel across the country without the need for child care when fit and healthy, even though this was seemingly against the rules...it wasn't because I was "commuting". #CummingsConfessin
When the government said the police didn't talk to anyone in my family, they meant they didn't talk about that specifically and their decision not to elaborate was not suspicious in any way. #CummingsConfession
When I commuted back to London, my wife and child has to break the rules by travelling unnecessarily from where they were because: Reasons. #CummingsConfession
A superforecaster told me if I didn't take my wife to Barnard castle we would both die. My commitment to this bullshit is such that I felt our life depended on that 30 mile journey. #CummingsConfession
It's about my political legacy. If I didn't create a scandal around this, I was going down in history for what I said about herd immunity! #CummingsConfesson
The police decided that there was no further action to be taken and did not speak to me after realising I was Dominic Cummings. The suggestion, therefore, that there is one rule for the people and another for me is preposterous. #CummingsConfession
