It’s good to remember that “racist” is not a blood type.
Racists views are acquired after birth and can be abandoned singly or in groups at any time.
Racists views are acquired after birth and can be abandoned singly or in groups at any time.
My mom simultaneously held some racist views and her best friend was African American. It’s weird I know.
While she was on hospice, she and I read “The Secret Life of Bees” together and discussed it over the phone as a sort of book club.
amazon.com/Secret-Life-Be…
While she was on hospice, she and I read “The Secret Life of Bees” together and discussed it over the phone as a sort of book club.
amazon.com/Secret-Life-Be…
One day I remember very clearly we were talking about a chapter about halfway through the book and she started crying. Crying and crying and crying.
“I didn’t know it was like this!” She bawled. “I didn’t know this happened to people!”
“I didn’t know it was like this!” She bawled. “I didn’t know this happened to people!”
She was transformed. It was a burning bush moment. She only lived a few more weeks but she was a different person. Reflecting on her life and her attitudes with some regrets.
She told me mistakes she had made and I forgave her. “Mom, we are all learning as we go.”
She told me mistakes she had made and I forgave her. “Mom, we are all learning as we go.”
“I was wrong” she wold tell me.
“It’s okay mom we grow up and believe the things we are raised with. It’s hard to see things from a different perspective. We trust our parents told us how the world really works.”
“It’s okay mom we grow up and believe the things we are raised with. It’s hard to see things from a different perspective. We trust our parents told us how the world really works.”
In all my whole life knowing my mom I never saw her change her mind. Reconsider a belief. Abandon a view.
She did it right there though, in between doses of morphine.
She did it right there though, in between doses of morphine.
That experience taught me a lot.
- when a long-held belief is invalidated, just put it down right there
- listen to stories and consider the alternative point of view
- change is a sign of strength, not weakness
- respect the effort required for other people to change
- when a long-held belief is invalidated, just put it down right there
- listen to stories and consider the alternative point of view
- change is a sign of strength, not weakness
- respect the effort required for other people to change
In summary, I wouldn’t say my mom was “a racist.”
Knowing her, I can tell you that putting that label on her would have made her more resistant to change.
She would have said, “Fine. If that what you say I am, that’s what I’ll be.”
Knowing her, I can tell you that putting that label on her would have made her more resistant to change.
She would have said, “Fine. If that what you say I am, that’s what I’ll be.”
My mom held racist views, some of which I watched her abandon with my own eyes. That’s a hard task that I respect.
As she got rid of them, she unloaded guilt and felt better. The world made more sense and she felt closer to people, including her best and closest friend.
As she got rid of them, she unloaded guilt and felt better. The world made more sense and she felt closer to people, including her best and closest friend.
