When J.K. Rowling says she knows trans people, it's really hard to believe that. I'll tell you why: folks who have trans people in their lives--and actually care about them--know much trans people generally go out of our way to accommodate cis folks. Let me explain. (thread)
Like any community, trans folks are definitely not a monolith and our experiences vary widely, but there are fairly common actions we take just to be in the public square and avoid risking violence and discrimination from cis people. Here are some examples...
I haven't been to the gym since I came out. Most cis women would be completely chill with a trans woman using the showers after a workout, but do I want to risk pissing off some random transphobe? No. Do I want to risk having someone take pics of me w/o my consent? No.
I haven't played in a recreational sports league since coming out because there's typically a gender quota. Despite being a mediocre athlete, I'm tall and fast, so my frame is just begging for a random cis person to get pissed that I'm rightly counted as a woman on the field.
I have been to a public pool just one time since coming out. I went with a bunch of cis friends. I got a lot of stares from strangers. It was very uncomfortable. I did not use the restroom to change back into dry clothes. There's a reason trans folks often avoid public pools.
If I'm out in another city, either for business or pleasure, I watch how much I eat and drink. I don't want to be in a position where I'll need to use a public restroom and feel uncertain if it's safe.
When I travel out-of-state, I look up non-discrimination protections for where I'm going, including airport layovers. Just to know what's available to me. God forbid I have a layover in a state unfriendly to trans people and get assaulted or arrested for using the restroom.
If I'm here in D.C. and there's a long line to use a public restroom, I usually walk away if I can help it (which is often). I don't know who's a tourist from a conservative part of the country. I don't want to a cause a scene or have someone take a pic of me standing in line.
I have a membership to a women-only workspace. They are quite trans-inclusive and make a point of being affirming. I'm still not going to use their shower facility. Too risky. Some random TERF makes a fuss, and it becomes a whole thing. Not worth it.
I live in a city that has comprehensive non-discrimination protections for trans folks. If I face discrimination, I know that the D.C. government will have my back. But the unspoken part of that is all the labor and mental anguish to go through the process. It's heartbreaking.
Even in places where we have legal protections, I worry about being a burden. I don't want to cause headaches. I have faced discrimination in places where it was illegal and let it go because I wasn't sure if it was worth it. And I feel terrible about that. I feel guilty.
Trans and non-binary people are constantly adjusting and revolving our lives around the preferences and feelings of cis people, not because we want to do that but because there aren't enough hours in the day to fight every battle and not enough rights to guarantee our safety.
And I have a considerable amount of privilege. I'm white, able-bodied, doing okay financially, not a religious minority, etc. And here I am still worried about my safety in cis spaces (which are basically everywhere outside of queer establishments).
So, imagine what it's like for Black and Brown trans and non-binary folks. Or trans folks with physical disabilities. Or trans folks who are religious minorities. Or trans folks without a steady income. Or trans folks who are sex workers. Or homeless. Or w/ severe health issues.
I am incredibly sorry for J.K. Rowling experiencing sexual abuse. I really am. Last year, I was sexually assaulted by a cis, hetero man in a public space. He groped me, and I was so shocked that I didn't know what to do. Because who's going to believe me? I didn't report him.
According to the 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey, nearly half of trans people will experience sexual assault in our lifetimes. Almost 60% of trans people have experienced mistreatment by police. About the same percent say they don't feel comfortable calling the police for help.
There is a not a month that has gone by since I came out that I wasn't street harassed in some way. It's just something I don't even talk about anymore. I expect it and move on with my day. Put my headphones in and walk, so I can avoid hearing it.
There are videos of men beating the shit out of trans women that go viral. Our murders are somehow considered insignificant. Our bodies are constantly sexualized. We are walking mirrors for the deepest insecurities of cis people.
So, when J.K. Rowling says she knows and loves trans people, I don't buy it. I don't think she really knows any trans people, not even on the basis of casual friendship, let alone the kind of meaningful connection to get a glimpse into our daily lives.
Because if she did know trans people on the kind of level that would grant understanding, she would get that we spend so much of our lives trying to avoid compromising our safety and dignity simply for the act of existing outside our front doors. /thread
