Experiences that are hard but manageable for NTs, can be much worse for NDs. They can cause mental health problems, burnout and trauma that can change us at the core. Accepting that change and learning that we might never revert back to who we were is a long learning process 1/
For many years, every time I thought I had finally let behind a traumatic experience I had in my early 20s, it kept coming back to drag me to the mud. I didn't understand why people could leave those behind and I couldn't. What was wrong with me? Why did it keep reemerging? 2/
I finally understood that, at some point, it stopped being about what happened. That experience changed me at the core, the trauma made my brain react differently to emotional and social stimuli. And I never accepted that; I kept expecting to go back. But there's no going back 3/
I am different now. And I can finally change my perspective, and relearn who I am and work with what I have. Is it harder? yes. Does it suck? tons. But if I'm finally leaving the bitterness about what happened behind, and that's so freeing. I am okay with it, finally. 4/
About what changed... My executive functioning was always lacking, but I managed well enough in college. After that incident I just could not pick up a book. I'm glad I was already finishing med school or I would have never made it. My functionality hasn't been the same since. 5/
I used to have a crazy good memory. I remembered absolutely everything. Since then, it declined progressively and now I'm a forgetful mess. The worst part is it took me years to accept it and develop coping mechanisms, because I relied on my memory for everything. 6/
And the worst; I started to dissociate a lot when I got emotionally overloaded. I always had a tendency for it, but manageable. That event caused a year long dissociating state, I felt nothing. My brain protects itself with it now, and it's not easy to handle. 7/
And part of the process is not only accepting that I might not go back to who I was, but understanding that need to take care of myself and protect my brain from further trauma as much as I can, or it might get worse. 8/
If you're feeling like a broken a mess that can't be fixed, it can be hard to change perspective. It's about trying to learn who you are now and work from there. Accept your current limitations and not expect to go back... just work ahead. Who knows who you might become. 9/
Some experiences we can recover from and go back to our previous functionality, so identifying which are which can also be a challenge. The older I am, the harder is for me to recover, even when it's manageable. It's exhausting, and it takes longer and more work. 10/
I'm sharing my personal experience in case it gives anyone perspective. It doesn't mean it's applicable to everyone, but if you're struggling with this, it might we worth a thought. And remember, you're not alone. 11/11
