A short story - or a long thread.
Five Years Later by Georgina Andwell (or, Why George Orwell Got It Right But Was Just Out By 40 Years)
Five Years Later by Georgina Andwell (or, Why George Orwell Got It Right But Was Just Out By 40 Years)
It's December 2024. The UK General Election campaign is drawing to a close. Michael Gove is bullish about his chances of re-election, 3.5 years after he ousted Boris Johnson as PM
The Tories have ejected a handful of rebels and lost every by-election since 2020, but Gove still commands a majority in the House of Commons of 40. Opinion polls put him 11 points ahead of Keir Starmer
The government is campaigning on a platform of sustained growth that has exceeded that of all EU nations ever since the Great Exit of 2021
Gove's message is clear and consistent: "Since January 2022, GDP has grown by 5% a year - faster than the US, faster than Germany, faster than the entire EU"
Everyone seems to have forgotten that the UK economy contracted by 30% in the middle six months of 2020 due to COVID-19 - more than any major global nation. And that the country was still recovering when Brexit wiped a further 15% off GDP during 2021
This put the UK in a far deeper hole than any other developed nation, but also set a lower bar to beat. While other countries have returned to 2019 levels, the UK economy is still 30% lower. But it's growth rate is higher, which is what Gove keeps reminding the public about
It's not just about GDP, of course. It's about jobs too. Gove proudly states the UK has reduced unemployment by at least 50,000 every month for the past 3 years - over 2 million in total across the period
Of course, during the COVID-19 and Brexit crashes, over 2.5 million people lost their jobs, but it's okay, because we're counting from the start of 2022. And people have forgotten about what happened prior to that too
Nobody ever mentions that of the 2 million people who have found new jobs, many are on zero-hours or part-time contracts, and are significantly less well-off than they were in 2019
And people have learned to block out the empty high streets, particularly in smaller towns, which were once thriving with small local businesses who went to the wall during 2020 and 2021, never to be replaced
Many of these business owners not only lost their businesses, but their homes too, which were secured against bank loans
Of course, history has shown - or been rewritten to show by the Daily Mail's Sarah Vine aka Mrs Gove - that COVID-19 was to blame for everything. Brexit would have been marvellous if not for COVID-19 and the evil EU
And the pandemic was the fault of the scientists - "we will be led by the science", remember? - for not predicting absolutely everything that might happen in a unique and unprecedented situation
It has long been established that everything else was either the fault of the public (for not understanding all 285 pages of the 31st version of the lockdown rules) or Boris Johnson
Johnson was unseated as PM in June 2021 after defending Dominic Cummings' actions in shooting a journalist outside 10 Downing Street
"He was just doing what any of us would have done, piffle, spaff," said Johnson at the time, shortly before 'Downing Street sources' announced that he was resigning as PM with immediate effect to spend less time with his children
'Boorish Johnson', proclaimed Vine in her Daily Mail column the day after, as she exclusively revealed that Johnson had threatened to have Cummings duffed up and was now shacked up with 11 mistresses
A six-month government enquiry into the case resulted in inconclusive recommendations that were never released publicly and never enacted
The Mail later published a one-paragraph retraction for 'any offence the article may have caused' due to 'minor factual inconsistencies'. It was printed in 3-point type and appeared on page 46
When published on the Mail's website, it received thousands of comments, overwhelmingly in support of Ms Vine's right to free speech and often including claims that "we always knew Boris was a wrong 'un anyway, even when we voted for him"
Meanwhile, the election campaign to date had gone smoothly for PM Gove. For efficiency, only Robert Peston was allowed to ask questions in press conferences. Despite being scheduled for one hour every day, Peston rarely managed to ask more than one question in that time anyway
And the public had by now become well accustomed to the daily government briefings. These had started back in March 2020 at the start of the pandemic lockdown and continued through the Brexit crisis of 2021
Every day, either the PM or one of his Cabinet colleagues would address the nation. Nominally this was about issues and actions relating to the current crisis. In reality, it was often a propaganda exercise for the government to pat itself on the back about its latest 'success'
Over time, the daily briefings had the effect of building relationships between the government and the public, like the stars of a reality TV show populated by characters you love to hate but will vote for anyway
Meanwhile, Starmer and fellow Opposition leaders had to make do with occasional coverage on BBC Parliament (which only 17 people watched) and the public's most trusted news source of all, TikTok
Consequently, the latest YouGov poll showed that 44% of the public were intending to vote Conservative based largely on the 'better the devil you know' principle
Finally, the 2024 election promised the launch of a revolutionary new voting system based on how many likes Instagram photos of parliamentary candidates received
The government assured us that the new system, developed by Huawei and administered by a company owned by a Russian shell corporation, was "100% guaranteed secure"
What could possibly go wrong, eh?
And so my story ends. Obviously, this is just pure fiction, the work of an overactive imagination. Right? ~END~
@threadreaderapp Unroll, please :-)
@WhingeWine Thought this thread might appeal - Although it may have spiralled a bit ... 😆
