THREAD: I had a bit of a heart-to-heart with our eldest Isaac (12 years old) yesterday about how he’s feeling at the moment. It’s made me reflect a bit more on my experience of lockdown and how it affects us all. I thought I’d share as I’m sure we’re not alone ...
To start with, I must say he’s coped well with lockdown. His school switched to remote working earlier than others. Yesterday was exactly two months since his first ‘working from home’ day. Every morning he logs on at 8:30 works through to 3:30. He’s motivated and keeping up well
But yesterday he was a bit tearful and expressed how he wished he was back at school so he could be in lessons with his classmates and interact more with them, even though they’re often on calls working together now. He says it’s not the same. He’s right
He’s Year 7, so he’s only known them 6 months. Assuming they go back in September, 6 months will have passed since he last saw them. That’s a long time in a fledgling secondary school career
He also said that he feels like there are so many things he should be doing or learning in lockdown that he’s not doing. This is a kid who’s doing a full day of school every day. He’s reading a couple of books every week. He’s recently started doing 4-5 long bike rides a week
He’s even trying his hand at cooking. To my eyes, he’s doing brilliantly. In his own eyes, he’s frustrated by all the things he’s not doing. As a parent, I need to do more to commend his extra efforts and remind him to focus not on unrealistic hopes but his actual achievements
His behaviour hasn’t always been great - like any near-teen he has ups and downs and he’s exploring boundaries. But he gets very down and feels he shouldn’t be like this ever. We’ve told him that (a) nobody’s perfect, (b) it’s natural he will fray at the edges in this situation
And (c) he’s not alone. Other kids go through the same, often worse. And so do grown-ups. He shouldn’t be so hard on himself. Recognise when he’s overstepped the mark. Try to restrain himself when he realises it’s happening. And not beat himself up too much - he’s only human
I’ve commended him for feeling he can open up to me and his mum about it, and that’s healthy. So often just the act of sharing helps lift the burden. So I made a point of sharing how I feel, that I have plenty of ‘meh’ moments too and times when I’m not proud of my behaviour
I want him to know the following:
1. It’s OK to feel less than perfect
2. It’s good to talk. Don’t bottle up negativity
3. Don’t set unreasonable expectations and compare yourself to others. Everyone’s in a different boat
4. Don’t take your achievements for granted - celebrate
1. It’s OK to feel less than perfect
2. It’s good to talk. Don’t bottle up negativity
3. Don’t set unreasonable expectations and compare yourself to others. Everyone’s in a different boat
4. Don’t take your achievements for granted - celebrate
5. Everyone has a bad hour or a bad day occasionally. It happens even on normal circumstances - it’s going to happen even more in a stressful situation like this
6. Be kind. Don’t just say it. Do it. Other people have similar issues to you - a little empathy goes a long way
6. Be kind. Don’t just say it. Do it. Other people have similar issues to you - a little empathy goes a long way
I told him all these things and realised that it’s just just good advice for him. I can do better on each of these points myself. It’s easy to talk the talk, harder to walk the walk. Sure, that’s not really a blinding epiphany, but it’s a moment, okay?
So that’s my resolution going forward: do a better job of role-modelling my own advice. Simple to say, harder to do. And ... go! ~END~
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