Thread by @SlavaMalamud

Since we are on the topic of Russian sports, here is a nice cautionary tale on the not-really-post-COVID world.
So, the Russian Premier League has restarted today. And, holy crap, did it restart with an enormous, and an enormously stupid scandal. An entire team got infected...

The team is FC Rostov, which was scheduled to play against FC Sochi today. Somehow, they failed to abide by the quarantine measures, someone caught the virus, and by the time their restart training camp was over, it has spread through the roster...
So, what happened next?

So, Rostov, which is battling for a place in the UEFA Champions League, petitioned Sochi to reschedule the match. Sochi, a bottom-feeder, is actually a thinly-disguised farm team to Zenit Saint Petersburg, a team owned by Putin's cronies and guaranteed to win the title this year.

So, FC Sochi came out and basically said, "Screw you, this is your problem, we are not rescheduling." The league utterly dropped the ball and allowed all this to happen, so Rostov was left to figure out what to do. What they have done is decide to field their youth team...

The kids (and they are actually kids: the oldest is 19, they youngest is 16) all got the word three days ago. None of them has practiced since March, basically just going to school via Zoom all this time. So they got together and traveled to Sochi to play against adult pros...

The country went ballistic! Sochi were castigated on social media, to which they responded with an Instagram post showing a sad-looking schoolboy. The post said: "Hey, we were all schoolboys at one time. The field is even, the ball is round, let's play." It... didn't play well.

FC Sochi had to delete the post, but they still insisted on the match being played. It is being played RIGHT NOW. FC Rostov scored mere seconds after the kick-off. Their 17-year-old keeper saved a penalty.
They are down 4-1 at halftime.
In Russia, there are no Hollywood endings.

And it's 7-1 now. In a nice touch, a hat trick has been scored by Alexander Kokorin, who has recently done time for viciously attacking a man in a cafe and beating him up with a chair... Poor kids.
What a horrendous clusterfuck.

When your team is owned by Putin's best buds, sportsmanship is for the peons.

As if Sochi needed any help, look at this clearly bullshit penalty they were awarded in the first half. And the boy's heroics! (He was born in 2003!)

https://twitter.com/premierliga/status/1274041046377336832

The match was interrupted in the first half for a thank-you to the doctors. You can't make this shit up.
And now, the Sochi coach is substituting all of his forwards. 70 minutes into the match, with the score 7-1, because he is a benevolent fellow.

Never fear, though, Sochi fans.
It's 8-1 now.

I can't even. He is younger than my son.

To clarify, Rostov's entire coaching staff is also not there. It's truly the academy team playing. Reached for comment, Rostov's head coach Valeri Karpin said, "I don't know who is even traveling to Sochi. We are all locked up in quarantine."

And here is Sochi's scandalous Instagram post mocking the "schoolboys."
Full translation: "The entire country will be rooting for schoolboys? We were all schoolboys once. Today, let's play football. The field is level. The ball is round. Play until mama calls you home."
Nice.

The score is now 10-1, by the way.

And it's all over. 10-1. Rostov is out of the running for the title, Zenit has one less opponent to worry about.
I guess, it was all worth it, then. Only in Russia. Seriously. Only in Russia.

For clarification: so far, 6 Rostov players have tested positive, but the entire team and staff of 42 people are on mandatory quarantine. Either way, these are the dangers of rushing to restart sports. And of living in a country with a history of reality-denial and clusterfucks.

UPD.
Rostov's president: "I have no regrets. Our kids are great, they are beauties and future champions."
Says "no comment" on Sochi's decision. No idea what they team will do in the next two rounds.
"We will no longer be negotiating with any (opponents)."

Oh, and Russia's most notoriously "patriotic" and jingoistic sports announcer, Dmitry Guberniyev, also had thoughts:
"This match will raise the prestige of Russian football to unreachable heights! We and our children will be forever proud of this uncompromising struggle!"
Russia.

The shots in this match.
45-2 in favor of Sochi. 25 on goal.
The high-schooler keeper of FC Rostov allowed 10 goals and was named Man of the Match.

And it is confirmed: the child, Denis Popov, now has an all-time RPL record for saves in one match.

And I am not done. Look at the go-ahead goal by FC Sochi. It counted. Russia, friends. I have absolutely no words. Not anymore.