Thread by @LetsGoCNote

I lost a lot of friends 4 years ago by being a snarky elitist asshole about politics. I fought with everyone and defended it with vigor. I realized that happened because I felt helpless to do anything meaningful. I had my own conflicts to resolve. I see many working through that.

I've been taking time to analyze my own past behavior and understand what's happening in the world now that I feel less dependant to an ideology for a sense of purpose and community. Spiral Dynamics, the Drama Triangle and Empowerment Dynamic have been helpful in that.

I wish you luck in breathing through this election year. I would say to not get swept up in the chaos but it might end up being good for you. But I am going to break down what I have learned and observed about conflict.

For many people, politics is like standing on the edge or the front lines facing an oppositional perspective that is drawn by a clear line that is on fire. Everyone is a screaming child full of fear for themselves or others. Behind those eyes is a human doing their best.

(If you don't believe everyone is doing their best...that's more of a drama and empowerment thing open or closed fear mindset thing.)

And fear because their worldview is not being seen or respected...often met with hateful discourse and pointed criticism. Much of that is part of the overall human growth process but within one country to such an extreme is not healthy for America and fuels perpetual conflict.

In my Conflict Ladder, the only way to start moving up the ladder to begin working through the conflict is for each side to define and acknowledge their role.

One is a Victim and one is the Oppressor. Power dynamics. If both assume the same role in perception...stalemate.

If the roles are reversed in perception, versus the systems thinking needed to define the actual roles, meaning the victim behaves as an oppressor and oppressor behaves as a victim simultaneously, we see dependency, social slavery, and abuse of power as justified retribution.

And these perceptions may not be originated from the same ladder.

We want movement up and out of trauma and conflict by any means. That sometimes means creating conflict and taking on a new role in perception to force our way out.

An oppressor, attempting to resolve conflict but being denied, gives up their power in guilt, becomes a victim.

A victim, attempting to resolve conflict but being denied, assumes a role of oppressor to find their way up a ladder by latching onto a victim. Victims can do damage.

But no one can truly climb out of the tunnel until they resolve that original conflict within their original role.

Otherwise, we'll keep looking for a fight. Victims become vengeful oppressors and oppressors submit their power to become victims. Both play a role.

A stalemate occurs because the two forces are usually at the same level of power, influence, etc. Think the Federation and Romulans, middle east conflict in the 90s, liberals and conservatives, etc.

If they weren't evenly matched, the balance of power and influence would be easy to spot. Boot meets ant. There would be no conflict, just a choice.

Sometimes there is an objective Victim and an objective Oppressor but in more complex conflicts its not that simple though there may be an ideal scenario or way out. Usually through the original ladder.

You either drop your weapons or you make the others drop their weapons.

Victim and Oppressor is harsh language on purpose because that's how it feels for each side.

To accept the role of Oppressor means backing down, apologizing, atoning, learning, and supporting.

To accept the role of Victim means to become accepting, cooperative, enabled.

As each move up the ladder together their roles shift.

The Oppressor becomes a Nurturer, standing alongside and supporting the Victim, who becomes a developer.

Developers begin the work of rebuilding, forgiving, and creating.

Both begin integrating to go forward.

Geopolitical conflict may be a series of these conflicts needing resolution one piece at a time. And each piece goes through a process of acknowledging roles, defining the hurt, expressing emotion, listening to each story, and developing a growth plan.

Right now, both liberals and conservatives are playing a variety of roles in a variety of conflicts.

A healing point will require a role acknowledgement on a series of issues. And the mountain of unresolved conflict is piling up. Role reversals are happening in some spots.

Continual denial of roles leaves a lot of hurt on the table. This is how conflict, hurt and projection spreads like a virus seeking a way up the ladder by any means to get out of the tunnel of the conflict. We'll use the current situation and BLM as an example.

Conservatives want what's in the name, to "conserve a life and country that works," and that we should mold ourselves internally to the system. The failing is often in seeing that not everyone can just push their way in, as we're not externally equal, a narrow view of America.

The conflict is a denial of role. "Just trying to live my life and these annoying liberals are causing problems." What has been requested is support in accessing the system and giving continual denial of power or responsibility. No acknowledgement of role, stuck at first step.

Liberals want external change.

One failing is a focus on external behavior as a measure of role acknowledgement.

"I don't need to grow, the system needs to change."

The method of showing conservatives their role is to force external behavior change, only makes it worse.

Liberals, fed up with no movement, partially due to lack of creative methods, begin claiming power via their own oppression.

One isn't giving power so the other takes it, the original defends that power.

Stalemate.

And we stay there until roles are defined and acknowledged.

And you can see this forced power reversal. There are many liberals peddling kindness and change while mocking and name calling a conservative caricature.

Conservatives don't see how they can use their power and/or fear acknowledging their role would submit their power.

Unless conservatives use their power at scale for support on their own, or liberals find another way of convincing conservatives to eat their metaphorical vegetables, we'll stay stuck and methods of brute force will only grow.

Focus on the ladder we're on, find a better way.

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