Yes yes. And as someone calls players out on shit behaviour as a job, here's general advice* on how to call out a friend in case you're not sure how.
*Every situation is EXTREMELY diff in severity and nuance - this for minor things, a close friend & an action you observed.
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*Every situation is EXTREMELY diff in severity and nuance - this for minor things, a close friend & an action you observed.
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https://twitter.com/BlessingJr/status/1274741838822248450
Don't put it off.
The longer you wait, the longer the situation becomes detached from them and they forget exactly what they did, how they felt, and feel blindsided when it's brought up weeks after.
(Make sure you're mentally calm though.)
The longer you wait, the longer the situation becomes detached from them and they forget exactly what they did, how they felt, and feel blindsided when it's brought up weeks after.
(Make sure you're mentally calm though.)
Bring it up privately.
GENERALLY (again, situations vary), you shouldn't call them out publicly. When ppl are called out, a normal gut reaction is to get defensive and it only increases when they're around ppl they like/respect. This gets in the way of reflection and change.
GENERALLY (again, situations vary), you shouldn't call them out publicly. When ppl are called out, a normal gut reaction is to get defensive and it only increases when they're around ppl they like/respect. This gets in the way of reflection and change.
Address the behaviour, not the person.
Labelling feels like an attack. Instead of saying "YOU'RE a bad person", instead say "[Thing you said] hurt them."
Labelling creates defensiveness and doesn't actually communicate what the actual upsetting behaviour was.
Labelling feels like an attack. Instead of saying "YOU'RE a bad person", instead say "[Thing you said] hurt them."
Labelling creates defensiveness and doesn't actually communicate what the actual upsetting behaviour was.
Write it down.
I get confrontations are scary, and nerve-wracking. Especially if it's a friend!
Write down what you want to say so you remember to say EVERYTHING you needed to, and don't back down from nerves or forget.
I get confrontations are scary, and nerve-wracking. Especially if it's a friend!
Write down what you want to say so you remember to say EVERYTHING you needed to, and don't back down from nerves or forget.
Build a golden bridge.
A golden bridge is basically letting someone exit a situation with no shame. After confrontations, ppl are usually upset or wracked with guilt. Give them time to reflect and change their mind. No need to be snarky and say things like "I told you so".
A golden bridge is basically letting someone exit a situation with no shame. After confrontations, ppl are usually upset or wracked with guilt. Give them time to reflect and change their mind. No need to be snarky and say things like "I told you so".
They might be upset.
Finally, not all confrontations go smoothly. This is normal. Your friend may be upset with you. I'm sorry.
But a positive relationship should let you both bring up uncomfortable situations that allow you to grow. And a truly good friend will understand.
Finally, not all confrontations go smoothly. This is normal. Your friend may be upset with you. I'm sorry.
But a positive relationship should let you both bring up uncomfortable situations that allow you to grow. And a truly good friend will understand.
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