Thread by @RukminiPande

It's a full circle moment because the first time I was loud about racism in fandom as a junior scholar was about Franzeska's meta.

And perhaps it's time I talked about a related experience because it exemplifies how whiteness in fandom/fan studies undermines critical voices.

Note: This is difficult for me to recount.

Because it's deeply damaging pattern that I'm only now finding the courage to name. And I know it will probably be dismissed by most.

But I'm laying it out as it might help another junior POC scholar deal with similar situations.

This was in 2016. I was yet to get my first official academic publication.

As anyone knows, this is a very precarious time for anyone, but particularly if you're a POC scholar (from the Global South) in a historically white-centric field AND you're talking about racism.

But when I responded to the meta on twitter, I wasn't thinking about any of that. I was ANGRY

I didn't mince words abt Francezka not being "just a fan" but rather someone who'd been a key part of the AO3/OTW and had broad support from many (white) BNF's. This is all public info.

Quite soon after that, I got an email from an est white scholar, with considerable influence over who gets published etc.

The scholar (politely and with many caveats) told me, essentially, that I might be reading the meta wrong!?
F was their friend! They were just brash! etc!

TBH I was too angry to be intimidated, and spent hours crafting a response after which they backed down and said they just "wanted to learn/discuss."

However, thinking back, I'm frankly horrified that they thought that this was an appropriate email to write!

It's VERY NOT OK for a senior (white) scholar to try and intervene in this way! Particularly, as I'd only spoken abt it on my own twitter.

Luckily, I had a support structure to help me stand firm. But the fact is, it could EASILY have made me second guess myself.

NOT! OK!

I can now also see that this is a pattern of behaviour.

Where someone tells me my work is admirable in public, but my editor tells me later that the same person came up to them in private (at the same event) and told them that my research is sloppy and essentializing.

Where I'm told repeatedly that naming racist incidents in fandom openly is against research "ethics," that my "tone" is too abrasive, and that I can't talk about the racist pushback I receive in peer review.

This is what almost every piece I've published has gone through.

I've survived (mostly) thanks to luck and some great allies who believed me.

But I KNOW that the same thing is happening to other POC scholars w/less support and they think that smth must be wrong with their work.

So I just want to say no, it is NOT YOU. Please know that. /end