Oppressors want to define your oppression for you, in a way that is palatable to them, instead of believing when you tell them the ways in which they oppress you whether they (willingly) participate or not. I find this to also be the case between cis & queer folks.
It's the reason I have learned to listen & sit with it when queer people name their oppression because oppression is not always about direct participation and its not always in the ways we think it shows up. It's not up to you to set the parameters of LGBTQ+phobias.
People get super offended at being called homophobic in the same ways white people hate hearing about racism and men about feminism, especially those who feel they do not do any direct harm to any of these groups, you become less likely to listen than even outright bigots.
Just thinking about this cos I recently lost an *acquaintance* when I explained to him how his "preference" for a straight child was homophobic as hell. Once he heard that word, I could tell he was drowning in waves of 'good guy' outrage & bricks blocked his ears from that point.
Well, good riddance.
And I wish more cis folks would sit with this and come to terms with transphobia so we start to move forward to a place where we are making the world safer and inclusive for transfolk, especially black trans women.
