In case you can’t sleep because you’re the only other person who hates fireworks, I’ll tell you a bedtime story. It’s more of a cautionary tale. #storytimethread #cautionarytale
At Christmas time I wanted to do something special for my cats. Mac and Cheese have punctured my couch with their claws like it’s their job but everyone deserves presents. #evenjerksgetpresents
During my daily responsibility-avoidance section of the day I was looking at people doing things on Instagram and saw an ad for scratching post.
But this was not just any scratching post. It was shaped like a cactus and that’s the part that became irresistible because, honestly, who doesn’t want their house looking like a Don Pablos? #donpablos #forcats
The website said it would take like 6 weeks to get here but I decided I’d use this time to learn how to be patient. #lifeskills #patienceisavirtue
Finally the big day arrived. The 950th time I checked the tracking status, it told me it was ON MY PORCH! #bigday I sprinted to the door. The package was a bit smaller than I anticipated.
This is a picture of what I ordered: 
Here is what I received on that long awaited day:
Yarn. I got yarn. Or twine. Or whatever the hell that is. But I can assure you that what it ISN’T is a cactus shaped scratching post. #notwhatiordered #wtfisthis
Wait. I thought the moral of the story was “don’t buy things from IG” but who knows, some could be legit maybe??...not sure... #isitallcrap
But if you do, just remember you might get a cactus shaped scratching post or you might end up with some twine in a bag. Prepare your poor, gentle souls for that. Just in case. #storytimeisover #classdismissed #iwishiknew #noonewarnedme
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