Thread by @Yvonne_Maphosa

PREMARITAL PREGNANCY IN THE NORTHERN NDEBELE CULTURE

✨ A shortish thread✨

Some comments on my 'NDEBELE WEDDING' thread pointed out how a woman with a child didn't get married the same way as one who didn't.

So here's how premarital pregnants were/are handled culturally...🤰

As usual, please ADD ON what you know. We can only learn if we teach and correct one another 🤗
_______

The rule of thumb was "NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE"

But obviously these things happen

When premarital sexual activity was had... Simulation was recommended instead of going all the way (Penetrative)

This is known as ukusoma/ukuhlobonga/ ukuphelela emathangazini

So they both get their guilty pleasures and the girl keeps her hymen 🙂

But if things happened and an unmarried woman got pregnant, she would tell her aunt and they would go to the Baby daddy’s home to “announce her pregnancy” (ukubika isisu)

If there was no aunt, she would tell an older sister. She couldn't tell her parents directly

They would get to the guy's home and sit outside until someone sees them.

Someone from the home would then come out and ask what’s up.

Both the aunt and her niece were not supposed to greet the messenger And NOT smile because kuyini okuhlekisayo when their son messed up? 🤭

They would just look down and say “Sizobika umthwalo" [We have come to announce the load].

The messenger would ask who the culprit is and they would say the guy's name.

The messenger would go back inside and tell the guy’s father that kunje kunje la. Umfana semithisile 🤰

The guy’s father would call his son and ask him if the 'load' was his

If the guy said no, then game over. They would go back home, wait till the child is born then try again. It just became complicated.

Some men would deny the child forever and she would be a single mother.

If the guy said “Yes, that’s my load” then the aunt and niece would be welcomed into the home and allowed to spend the night.

At this point, they would greet each other and smile ke 😁

NEXT MORNING

The guy’s father would bring a goat to acknowledge the pregnancy and take responsibility because inyoni itshayelwa abadala [The son’s sins are his father's]

The goat was killed and eaten.
Its hide (isikhumba/isgogo) was spread out ngezikhonkwane (pegs) to dry.

The owmna spend the night, waiting for the hide to dry. When it dried, next day or so, it was folded and tied by a string and the father would give it to the aunt for carrying the baby.

The hide would be tanned (sasitshukwa) and then used as ingcayo - maternity dress

Then aunt and niece went back home and chilled till the baby was born.

Then word was sent to the guy’s parents and they would send a beast and someone, usually the guy's mother, to congratulate the new mother - umdlezane.

The girl’s father would slaughter a goat for his daughter ngoba it was believed that after eating the meat, she would produce more milk for the baby.

The goat was called imbuzi yokukhupha itshatha (a goat for removing the stain).

If the guy decided not to marry the woman, she became known as imitha (one with a baby out of wedlock) and her son did not become indlalifa (heir) of his father's inheritance.

PS: That's assuming the child was the first born boy of the guy

They would still pay "Damages" though

If the woman had another child while still unmarried, she became known as izalelekhaya (one who gives birth at home).

The Baby Daddy’s father could decide to pay some beasts to have custody of his grandson (ukuhlenga).

When the woman got married to someone else, her status would be regarded as 'reduced' so her lobola would be lower.

Her father could remove the stigma (ukwesula ubutshapha) by paying a cow or cows to restore her dignity (Known as ukugcwalisa).

So he would Top Up on the lobola.

Then unlike the glorious wedding I described on the other thread, the wedding of a woman who had a child was kept small and low-key.

All the ceremonies were done for her without telling people and everything was kept hush-hush.

She didn't go through ukukhungwa (receiving gifts)

Then instead of a bridal team (umthimba), she was usually accompanied by one person only (best girl - usanyongwana) and she didn't to ukumekeza (Wedding Dance)

If the child’s father's family didn’t take the child, she would leave her child at her home with her parents.

There were instances when a woman would bring another man’s child into the marriage. The new family could accept and 'adopt' him.

Or the husband could decide to marry a pregnant woman and conceal the child’s identity in order not to embarrass both his wife and the child.

In this case the child could take his surname but the ancestors would know that he’s not one of them so they would ultimately reject him.

This was bad for the child because that meant rituals would be done to the wrong ancestors and bad luck would follow him through life.

When all is said and done, in Ndebele kuthwa only the woman knows who the true father of her child is. That's why when a child won't stop crying, the elders say "Take him outside and call out his true surname and totems (izitemo)"

I think all these were done to strongly discourage premarital sex.

Marriage was a sacred bond, lobola was respected and most women kept their virginities until marriage.

It was easier futhi because girls married at a younger age.

No blame was put on the Baby Daddy! 😔

Oh yeah, last thing. There were some parents who would force the guy's family to marry their daughter.

Or go to the extent of taking her and dumping her there, leaving the other family no choice but to take her in.

I think that's a borrowed piece of culture kodwa🤔

THE END ✨

***WOMEN would NOT owmna