He seals the hanshi shut in its entirety, and he circles the front room with jc still in his arms. “Don’t worry, Cheng-er,” he babbles, almost to himself. Even his voice is trembling. “Nothing’s gonna happen. I’m not gonna let them take you. Not yet. They can’t have you.”
It isn’t long before there’s a hard knock on the doors, and lxc whips around, eyes wide.
“Xiongzhang.” lwj sounds as unperturbed as always. “Please open the door.”
lxc shakes his head. “No.” It’s too low for anyone other than jc to hear. “No, not now. It’s too soon.”
“Xiongzhang.” lwj sounds as unperturbed as always. “Please open the door.”
lxc shakes his head. “No.” It’s too low for anyone other than jc to hear. “No, not now. It’s too soon.”
He goes into the bedroom instead, where the sound of the insistent knocking is quieter. He sits on the bed, still holding jc. He can’t feel his face, can’t feel his limbs, can’t control his shaking. He’s still panting, struggling to get enough air into his lungs.
jc struggles a little in his hold, and lxc loosens his grip enough for jc to pull back. “Gege?”
lxc cups jc’s tiny face in his hand, thumbing away the drying tears. “Don’t worry, Cheng-er,” he says. “Gege won’t let them take you. They can’t have you. Not yet.”
lxc cups jc’s tiny face in his hand, thumbing away the drying tears. “Don’t worry, Cheng-er,” he says. “Gege won’t let them take you. They can’t have you. Not yet.”
jc nods, not quite understanding. “Stay with gege.”
“Yes,” lxc says. “With gege.”
They sit there, lxc holding onto jc as his breathing gradually steadies, the numbness of his face receding and eventually he can feel his fingers again.
“Yes,” lxc says. “With gege.”
They sit there, lxc holding onto jc as his breathing gradually steadies, the numbness of his face receding and eventually he can feel his fingers again.
At some point the knocking had stopped, and the shadows lengthen as evening approaches.
When it’s dinner time, jc’s stomach growls, and lxc carries him as he fetches some candy. It’s not going to be enough, but so far jc hasn’t complained.
When it’s dinner time, jc’s stomach growls, and lxc carries him as he fetches some candy. It’s not going to be enough, but so far jc hasn’t complained.
lxc carries jc to the front room again, pacing as he realises wwx & lwj are still outside. He had foolishly hoped that perhaps they had given up for the day, so he could call for food and rations.
“Xiongzhang,” lwj calls with a light knock, and lxc turns to face the doors, hugging jc tightly. “Xiongzhang can you hear me?”
“Go away,” lxc answers. “You can’t have him!”
“Go away,” lxc answers. “You can’t have him!”
“Stop being so selfish!” lwj snaps, and lxc freezes. “Sect Leader Jiang needs to go home! To his people! He is needed there! He is not just a toy to keep you company!”
lxc stares down at jc in his arms. jc looks back up at him, chewing on his fingertips unconcernedly. “I just need more time,” he says.
“You will always need more time!” lwj’s voice softens then. “Xiongzhang. It’s time to say goodbye.”
“You will always need more time!” lwj’s voice softens then. “Xiongzhang. It’s time to say goodbye.”
lxc doesn’t want to. If they hadn’t just sprung this on him then he could’ve had more time to cherish his last few moments with jc. Read him his favourite story. Have another pretend nighthunt. Play his favourite song for him on the guqin.
It’s only a couple hours until curfew, but lxc knows that even if it was the middle of the night, wwx & lwj would act immediately to turn jc back.
lxc can feel something inside him crumble. What was /wrong/ with him? How could he have reacted like this? Was he out of his mind?
lxc can feel something inside him crumble. What was /wrong/ with him? How could he have reacted like this? Was he out of his mind?
Tears fill his eyes. “Give me until tomorrow morning, Wangji. Please.”
He can hear whispering from outside. “Alright,” lwj says. “We have some food. We’ll leave them for you here. We’ll be back after breakfast tomorrow.”
He can hear whispering from outside. “Alright,” lwj says. “We have some food. We’ll leave them for you here. We’ll be back after breakfast tomorrow.”
lxc waits until he can’t hear their footsteps anymore and slides the door open an inch. There’s a lacquered box out front, and lxc brings it in. He feeds jc slowly, and his heart feels like it’s breaking when jc holds a dessert pastry up to lxc’s lips. “Yum yum.”
“Mmm, very yummy,” lxc says, taking a bite before jc stuffs the rest into his mouth, smearing crumbs across his face.
jc is yawning hugely by the time they finish eating, soft and sleepy when lxc finishes bathing and changing him into clean robes.
jc is yawning hugely by the time they finish eating, soft and sleepy when lxc finishes bathing and changing him into clean robes.
lxc doesn’t want jc to sleep yet, but he knows it’s impossible. So he sings jc’s favourite lullaby, one hand patting jc’s chest gently and the other stroking his hair back from his face.
“Goodnight says the moon, goodnight my little flower.”
“Goodnight says the moon, goodnight my little flower.”
jc’s breathing is deep and slow. He’s completely relaxed in sleep, lips in a soft pout and chubby cheeks looking rounder than normal. This child was never his to keep, and lxc is such a fool for living in this little bubble he had created for himself.
Dear god, will he never learn? When will he ever learn to see reality for what it is? How long will he continue living this blind life, seeing and hearing only what he wants, deliberately ignoring everything that doesn’t fit into the perfect reality he’s conjured in his mind?
lxc doesn’t sleep that night, hovering around a peaceful jc as he strokes over jc’s hair, fixing the blanket around him as jc shifts, tracing over jc’s tiny, tiny fingers and little features.
He firmly ignores the tears stinging his eyes, his sleeve managing to catch most before they land on jc’s fluffy blanket.
jc stirs around five thirty, used to sleeping in a little. “Gege?”
“Good morning, Cheng-er.” lxc is exhausted, and it’s not because he stayed up all night.
jc stirs around five thirty, used to sleeping in a little. “Gege?”
“Good morning, Cheng-er.” lxc is exhausted, and it’s not because he stayed up all night.
“Morning, gege.” jc rolls around a bit before sitting up and immediately climbing into lxc’s lap, still warm from sleep.
They get ready for the day as usual, but lxc takes more time combing through jc’s hair before carefully tying it into a ponytail.
They get ready for the day as usual, but lxc takes more time combing through jc’s hair before carefully tying it into a ponytail.
At breakfast, jc eats his congee as lxc plays his favourite song for him on the guqin. “Ah,” jc says, nodding and wiggling in his seat with the melody. lxc watches with a smile as jc drips congee all over the table in his enthusiasm.
“Come, Cheng-er. Let’s read a story while we wait for Xian-gege and Wangji-gege.”
“Mn.” jc climbs into lxc’s lap with familiar ease. “Want dragons, please.”
“Alright.”
They read together as they always do, but they aren’t even halfway through when there’s a knock on the door.
“Mn.” jc climbs into lxc’s lap with familiar ease. “Want dragons, please.”
“Alright.”
They read together as they always do, but they aren’t even halfway through when there’s a knock on the door.
lxc scoops up jc as he opens the door for wwx & lwj.
“Morning, you two.” wwx’s smile is twisted oddly. lwj stares hard at his brother, eyes flicking to jc briefly.
lxc greets them as he always does, prompting jc to do the same. “So,” he says. “How are we going to do this.”
“Morning, you two.” wwx’s smile is twisted oddly. lwj stares hard at his brother, eyes flicking to jc briefly.
lxc greets them as he always does, prompting jc to do the same. “So,” he says. “How are we going to do this.”
“jc needs one last checkup with the healers and that’s it.”
lxc is in seclusion, so he can’t leave the hanshi. But he’s already gone to the rabbit fields multiple times. He could make another exception for this. And what if jc gets scared? No, it’s best that he’s there as well.
lxc is in seclusion, so he can’t leave the hanshi. But he’s already gone to the rabbit fields multiple times. He could make another exception for this. And what if jc gets scared? No, it’s best that he’s there as well.
“I’ll come with you,” he says firmly. lwj looks surprised, though wwx looks the opposite, as if he expected it.
“Alright.“ wwx looks at jc, who is content just to be carried by lxc. “Jiang Cheng-ah, how are you feeling?”
“Mn.” jc turns away from him, hiding in lxc’s shoulder.
“Alright.“ wwx looks at jc, who is content just to be carried by lxc. “Jiang Cheng-ah, how are you feeling?”
“Mn.” jc turns away from him, hiding in lxc’s shoulder.
wwx sighs. “Come on, let’s go.”
They take the back paths to the study that the healers have been using for their research. jc sits patiently as he’s examined, lxc holding onto his hand. It’s the same as before, but both healers deem him suitable for the transformation.
They take the back paths to the study that the healers have been using for their research. jc sits patiently as he’s examined, lxc holding onto his hand. It’s the same as before, but both healers deem him suitable for the transformation.
They make their way to the study next door, where lwj has everything prepared. They’ve chosen a room large enough to be a hall; the array is large and complicated, rows of sigils circling it thrice over. There’s also a privacy screen set up, with jc’s robes hung up ready for him.
“This is it?” lxc swallows hard. His fingers dig into jc’s soft body, but jc doesn’t complain, setting his head on lxc’s shoulder and holding on tight instead.
“This is it,” wwx says. lwj had set it up according to wwx’s instructions, imbuing his own stronger spiritual energy into it. “Come on, jc needs to undress.”
lxc turns away from wwx’s hands, setting jc down and undoing the ties on his robes himself.
lxc turns away from wwx’s hands, setting jc down and undoing the ties on his robes himself.
wwx hands him a blanket to wrap jc in, swaddling him to shield from the cold.
“What’re we doing, gege?” jc asks.
“You’re a little bit sick but we’re gonna do something now to make you all better,” lxc says.
jc nods. “Okay.”
“Are you cold?” lxc asks jc.
“What’re we doing, gege?” jc asks.
“You’re a little bit sick but we’re gonna do something now to make you all better,” lxc says.
jc nods. “Okay.”
“Are you cold?” lxc asks jc.
jc shakes his head, stepping forward to hug lxc.
lxc picks him up for a hug, pulling back to touch their foreheads together. “Cheng-er, gege loves you a lot,” he whispers, brushing a kiss to jc’s cheek.
“Mn. Love gege.” lxc tilts down for jc to kiss his cheek in return.
lxc picks him up for a hug, pulling back to touch their foreheads together. “Cheng-er, gege loves you a lot,” he whispers, brushing a kiss to jc’s cheek.
“Mn. Love gege.” lxc tilts down for jc to kiss his cheek in return.
lxc gives one last squeeze to jc before he turns back to face wwx & lwj. “Alright,” he says. “We’re ready.”
“Come on, jc.” This time when wwx reaches out, lxc hands him over easily, adjusting the blanket around jc’s shoulders. “Let’s get you fixed up.”
“Come on, jc.” This time when wwx reaches out, lxc hands him over easily, adjusting the blanket around jc’s shoulders. “Let’s get you fixed up.”
wwx hops over the array to the blank centre, where he kneels and sets jc on the floor. “Okay, jc. You gonna be a brave boy for Xian-gege?”
jc nods.
“Okay, when I go, you just stay here alright? Don’t move outside this circle, can you do that for me?”
jc nods again.
jc nods.
“Okay, when I go, you just stay here alright? Don’t move outside this circle, can you do that for me?”
jc nods again.
“There’s gonna be bright light but it’s okay, you don’t need to be scared, alright? Xichen-gege and I are standing right over there and we’ll be keeping an eye on you the whole time.”
jc turns to look at lxc. He waves. “Gege.”
lxc forces a smile, waving back.
jc turns to look at lxc. He waves. “Gege.”
lxc forces a smile, waving back.
wwx brushes the fringe back from jc’s face. “You’re our big strong boy, jc. Give Xian-gege a kiss for good luck.”
jc smacks his lips against wwx’s cheek obediently.
wwx kisses jc’s forehead. “Xian-gege loves you, Jiang Cheng-ah.”
“Mn.” jc nods. “Love gege.”
jc smacks his lips against wwx’s cheek obediently.
wwx kisses jc’s forehead. “Xian-gege loves you, Jiang Cheng-ah.”
“Mn.” jc nods. “Love gege.”
Tears fill wwx’s eyes. “Jiang Cheng...”
“Wei Ying.”
wwx sniffs, standing up. “Alright, jc, remember to stay inside the circle!” He leaps back out, and he stands next to lxc, behind lwj who kneels at the edge of the array.
“Wei Ying.”
wwx sniffs, standing up. “Alright, jc, remember to stay inside the circle!” He leaps back out, and he stands next to lxc, behind lwj who kneels at the edge of the array.
jc stands there obediently, blanket wrapped tight around him. His eyes meet lxc’s and he waves again.
“Good Cheng-er,” lxc says, waving back. His throat feels tight. “My Cheng-er is being so good.”
jc gives a happy smile. “Gege.”
“Good Cheng-er,” lxc says, waving back. His throat feels tight. “My Cheng-er is being so good.”
jc gives a happy smile. “Gege.”
And then lwj sends a blast of spiritual energy into the array. Bright white light fills the room almost instantly, both lxc and wwx shielding their faces with their sleeves. Dimly, he can hear jc shout, and lxc cries out before he can stop himself. “Cheng-er!”
He lurches forward, but it’s already over. In the middle of the array, a blanket covers the naked figure of a man, limbs sprawled awkwardly and long hair spilling out around him like ink.
It’s Jiang Wanyin, and he’s unconscious.
It’s Jiang Wanyin, and he’s unconscious.
wwx hurries over, followed by lwj at his heels. He checks jc’s pulse. “He should be awake! Get the healers!”
lwj turns to lock eyes with lxc but seeing his brother’s face just makes him hurry out himself.
lwj turns to lock eyes with lxc but seeing his brother’s face just makes him hurry out himself.
lxc is frozen. He can’t move, watching as wwx covers jc properly, brushing back hair from his face and cupping it in both his hands.
“Jiang Cheng!” wwx pats him lightly on the cheek. “Jiang Cheng, wake up!”
“Jiang Cheng!” wwx pats him lightly on the cheek. “Jiang Cheng, wake up!”
jc is unresponsive, but the healers are there already, having just been next door.
“It’s alright,” Gusu’s healer says. “He’s just exhausted.”
“There’s nothing wrong with his core,” jc’s personal healer says. “It’s the same as before, but his spiritual energy is very low.”
“It’s alright,” Gusu’s healer says. “He’s just exhausted.”
“There’s nothing wrong with his core,” jc’s personal healer says. “It’s the same as before, but his spiritual energy is very low.”
They decide to move jc to a guest room for observation. wwx dresses jc quickly in his inner robes, but instead of using a stretcher, lxc offers to carry him. wwx & lwj exchange A Look, but they allow him to do so anyway.
lxc sneaks many looks at jwy as they walk to the guest quarters. He’s covered in a blanket, and his feet are bare. He should be almost as tall as lxc but is lighter than expected even as deadweight. His hair is in a loose ponytail, draped over his shoulder and surprisingly long.
lxc can still see traces of Cheng-er in jwy’s face; the slant of his eyebrows and the curve of his lips are exactly the same. His chest aches and his throat tightens. lxc tears his eyes away, marching forward quickly to get jwy out of the cold.
wwx takes over as soon as lxc sets jc down on the bed, fluttering around as he tucks him in and the healers conduct a deeper exam of jc. lxc stands in the corner with lwj, watching all of this blankly.
“Xiongzhang.”
“Hm?”
“Perhaps you should retire to the hanshi and rest.”
“Xiongzhang.”
“Hm?”
“Perhaps you should retire to the hanshi and rest.”
Right. What was he still doing here? “Alright.” His face is numb again. He doesn’t say goodbye to anyone as he turns and leaves, quickly making his way back to the hanshi. His hands are trembling again, hidden by his sleeves.
He seals the hanshi shut behind himself, standing in the front room, staring blankly at nothing. He comes back to himself after a while, and the first thing he sees is the storybook still on the table, open to a page with an illustration of a blue dragon.
lxc sinks to the floor the same time as tears begin to fall.
=====
=====
It’s dusk when lxc comes back to himself, the occasional tear still slipping from his eyes.
It’s not anything in particular that rouses him, but lxc realises that it’s about time that Cheng-er would be having his early dinner.
It’s not anything in particular that rouses him, but lxc realises that it’s about time that Cheng-er would be having his early dinner.
He sits there for a long while after that, letting the knowledge soak into him that jc will no longer be there, with his happy noises, his tight hugs, his baby soft honey scent.
It’s just him now, and there will be no dinner until later, when the adults take their meal.
It’s just him now, and there will be no dinner until later, when the adults take their meal.
He’s missed lunch, he thinks idly. Not that it matters, given his cultivation and long practice of inedia.
He staggers to his feet, swaying once he’s upright. He should clean, he thinks, turning to face the open storybook on his table.
He staggers to his feet, swaying once he’s upright. He should clean, he thinks, turning to face the open storybook on his table.
lxc moves slowly, sitting at the table to close the book, laying his hand on the cover. The echo of Cheng-er’s voice rings in his head. Cheng-er’s reading had improved immensely with positive encouragement, and now he can read the whole book himself. lxc is so proud of him.
The rest of the night passes as lxc sits in the dark, one hand still on the book and staring at the cover.
“Xiongzhang.” The knock on the door startles him.
Oh. He’s missed lunch again.
“jwy is awake.”
lxc doesn’t answer. He can see lwj’s shadow through the door.
“Xiongzhang.” The knock on the door startles him.
Oh. He’s missed lunch again.
“jwy is awake.”
lxc doesn’t answer. He can see lwj’s shadow through the door.
lwj stands there for a long while. lxc doesn’t move.
“He asked for his gege.”
It’s like someone stabbed lxc in the chest. He inhales sharply, staggering towards the door and yanking it open. lwj stands there, regarding him calmly.
“He asked for his gege.”
It’s like someone stabbed lxc in the chest. He inhales sharply, staggering towards the door and yanking it open. lwj stands there, regarding him calmly.
He steps into the hanshi with no invitation, leading the way to the table. His lips tighten when he sees the storybook still there, but makes no comment as he sits and lxc joins him.
“What...” lxc swallows hard. “What happened?”
“What...” lxc swallows hard. “What happened?”
“jwy is still too weak. The healers say he’s confused. There’s nothing wrong with his mental faculties.”
“Oh. Thank goodness.”
lwj examines his face. lxc is tired; he doesn’t particularly feel like being judged by lwj right now, and he’s ready to send lwj away when -
“Oh. Thank goodness.”
lwj examines his face. lxc is tired; he doesn’t particularly feel like being judged by lwj right now, and he’s ready to send lwj away when -
“You should go see him.”
“I’m in seclusion.”
“So?”
lwj doesn’t like any of this, but the first thing jwy had said, without even opening his eyes, had been a faint “Gege?”
wwx had grasped onto jwy’s hand. “I’m here, Jiang Cheng, I’m here.”
“I’m in seclusion.”
“So?”
lwj doesn’t like any of this, but the first thing jwy had said, without even opening his eyes, had been a faint “Gege?”
wwx had grasped onto jwy’s hand. “I’m here, Jiang Cheng, I’m here.”
“Nuh. Sh’zuh-gege,” jwy had slurred, before falling back asleep.
lwj had seen the look on his husband’s face, had felt the rage boil through him, and ultimately, the only reason why he’s here is cuz wwx sent him here.
“Is he...is he fully awake now?”
lwj had seen the look on his husband’s face, had felt the rage boil through him, and ultimately, the only reason why he’s here is cuz wwx sent him here.
“Is he...is he fully awake now?”
“It comes and goes. The transformation took almost all his spiritual energy.” lwj frowns. “Wei Ying is upset. It should have used my energy, but apparently it wasn’t enough.”
lxc doesn’t respond to that. He’s staring at his hands, folded on the table in front of him.
lxc doesn’t respond to that. He’s staring at his hands, folded on the table in front of him.
“Xiongzhang. Go see him.”
lxc swallows hard. “Not right now.”
lwj thinks his husband might be onto something after all. lxc seeing jwy would really drive home that there’s no more Cheng-er, and that’s the only way lxc could move forward.
lxc swallows hard. “Not right now.”
lwj thinks his husband might be onto something after all. lxc seeing jwy would really drive home that there’s no more Cheng-er, and that’s the only way lxc could move forward.
But...would he? lwj doesn’t know his brother anymore. He never expected lxc’s seclusion - had thought that growing up as they had, there was no way lxc would neglect his sect and responsibilities to mourn such a despicable murderer.
“If not now, when?”
“I’m just not ready.”
“If not now, when?”
“I’m just not ready.”
lwj doesn’t think much of the way his brother avoids, avoids, avoids. He knows there’s nothing he could say to stop it, because he had tried at the beginning of lxc’s seclusion. So he doesn’t push further as he stands, ready to go back to wwx, who’s still watching over jc.
“Give me his blanket,” he says.
lxc stares at him, still seated. “What?”
“He liked it when he was a child. Wei Ying thinks it’ll make him more comfortable.”
lxc lowers his head.
lwj is ready to search for it himself when lxc stands. “I’ll go give it to him.”
lxc stares at him, still seated. “What?”
“He liked it when he was a child. Wei Ying thinks it’ll make him more comfortable.”
lxc lowers his head.
lwj is ready to search for it himself when lxc stands. “I’ll go give it to him.”
lwj barely suppresses a sigh. This indecisiveness is exhausting.
lxc clutches the blanket tightly against his chest as they go to jc’s room. wwx is perched on the side of the bed, holding jc’s hand as he sleeps.
“Wei Ying.”
“Oh, Lan Zhan. And Lan da-ge.”
lxc clutches the blanket tightly against his chest as they go to jc’s room. wwx is perched on the side of the bed, holding jc’s hand as he sleeps.
“Wei Ying.”
“Oh, Lan Zhan. And Lan da-ge.”
lxc is frozen for a moment in the doorway. “How is he?”
“His spiritual energy is still too low, but it’s better to recover on his own instead of passing him more energy just to force him awake.”
“His spiritual energy is still too low, but it’s better to recover on his own instead of passing him more energy just to force him awake.”
This is cuz jc’s personal healer had tried doing that before this whole mess, but that just meant jc’s core produced less energy, thinking his body was recovering.
lxc takes a step forward. “I have...I have...”
lxc takes a step forward. “I have...I have...”
“Right.” wwx stands, reaching out when lxc sidesteps him, unfolding the fluffy blanket. It’s too small, so he drapes it over the blanket already covering jc.
jc makes a tiny sound of comfort as lxc tucks it under his chin, and lxc doesn’t expect the way his stomach lurches.
jc makes a tiny sound of comfort as lxc tucks it under his chin, and lxc doesn’t expect the way his stomach lurches.
wwx stands next to lxc, both of them looking down at jc. “He asked for the blanket every night, you know. At the jingshi. I should’ve just asked you for it, but I wanted him to sleep with the one I had made for him.”
lxc says nothing.
lxc says nothing.
“Sometimes he thinks he’s dreaming,” wwx continues.
They lapse into silence. wwx leaves his side after a while, to whisper with lwj in a corner and eat some of the steamed buns that had been delivered.
They lapse into silence. wwx leaves his side after a while, to whisper with lwj in a corner and eat some of the steamed buns that had been delivered.
When jc stirs again, lxc leaps forward, grabbing at jc’s hand. “Che- Jiang Wanyin?”
“Shizuh-gege?” jc mumbles, eyes barely slitting open before they close again. “Thir’zy.”
“Shizuh-gege?” jc mumbles, eyes barely slitting open before they close again. “Thir’zy.”
“I got it,” wwx says, a cup of water already in his hand, the other snaking around jc’s shoulders to lift him slightly. “Here you go, Jiang Cheng. How you feeling?”
jc’s eyes open again, and the only thing he sees is wwx’s face inches from his. “Ugh, go ‘way.”
jc’s eyes open again, and the only thing he sees is wwx’s face inches from his. “Ugh, go ‘way.”
wwx laughs, delighted. “You must be feeling better then.”
lxc doesn’t let go of jc’s hand, sitting by him and watching him sleep. jc’s features are unexpectedly delicate, and like this, relaxed, he looks decades younger. lxc cannot look away.
lxc doesn’t let go of jc’s hand, sitting by him and watching him sleep. jc’s features are unexpectedly delicate, and like this, relaxed, he looks decades younger. lxc cannot look away.
About an hour later, Jiang Rong arrives from Lotus Pier, having flown at top speed the second he received word that Sect Leader Jiang has been reverted.
He bursts into the room, gasping when he sees jc. “Sect Leader!” He shoulders lxc out of the way to take his place next to jc.
He bursts into the room, gasping when he sees jc. “Sect Leader!” He shoulders lxc out of the way to take his place next to jc.
jc sighs at the loud shout. His eyes open again to see Jiang Rong’s teary face hovering over his. “Dumbass,” he mumbles. “Why’re you cryin’? ‘M not dying.”
wwx’s smile freezes on his face.
Jiang Rong sniffs, hugging jc’s hand. “Of course not, Sect Leader!”
wwx’s smile freezes on his face.
Jiang Rong sniffs, hugging jc’s hand. “Of course not, Sect Leader!”
jc starts to drift off again, but Jiang Rong speaks again. “Sect Leader, how are you feeling?”
“Shuddup,” jc grumbles. “Go ‘way.”
“He needs rest,” lxc says, and is surprised by how irritated he sounds.
Jiang Rong barely gives him a glance, focused on his sect leader.
“Shuddup,” jc grumbles. “Go ‘way.”
“He needs rest,” lxc says, and is surprised by how irritated he sounds.
Jiang Rong barely gives him a glance, focused on his sect leader.
“Well,” wwx says awkwardly. “We’re just gonna. Since you two have this under control.” He still needs to do more research on jc’s core and how to stop his spiritual energy from attacking it. He’s already commandeered the room next door as his new research centre.
Jiang Rong and lxc stew in tense silence for a long while.
Tbh, this time without Sect Leader has just reaffirmed even more how important and beloved jc is to all of them at Yunmeng.
Tbh, this time without Sect Leader has just reaffirmed even more how important and beloved jc is to all of them at Yunmeng.
The story is that jc is being kept at cr for a highly important and confidential job, but it doesn’t stop everyone from complaining about missing their sect leader, and even the older sect members stationed around Yunmeng territory are asking why jc isn’t making his usual rounds.
These 36 days have lasted years to Jiang Rong & Jiang Wei. Their respect for Sect Leader has grown even more (if it was at all possible), and both are more than a little salty that jc had chosen to cling to lxc instead of being at Lotus Pier.
“I’m sure you’re very busy at Lotus Pier,” lxc says stiffly. “Sect Leader Jiang is well taken care of here.”
Jiang Rong’s eyes slide to the very corners when he looks at lxc.
Jiang Rong’s eyes slide to the very corners when he looks at lxc.
“Sect Leader’s well-being is our top priority. Lotus Pier is well taken care of. I’m sure Zewu-jun has more important matters to handle.”
“Sect Leader Jiang is certainly an important matter.”
“Shudduuuuup,” jc slurs.
“Sect Leader Jiang is certainly an important matter.”
“Shudduuuuup,” jc slurs.
“Sorry, Sect Leader,” Jiang Rong whispers. He fixes the fluffy blanket, tucking it tighter under jc’s chin.
lxc’s fingers twitch reflexively. Jiang Rong has no right to touch that blanket.
lxc’s fingers twitch reflexively. Jiang Rong has no right to touch that blanket.
He stands there, watching Jiang Rong watching jc. After a while, Jiang Rong’s eyes slide towards him again. “How fortunate of Sect Leader Lan, to be able to idle his day away like this.” Then he snorts. “Oh, my apologies. Zewu-jun is still in seclusion.”
“You-!” lxc’s hands curl into fists at his side.
jc stirs again. “A-Rong, who’zat?”
“I’m just addressing Zewu-jun, Sect Leader,” Jiang Rong whispers.
“Zew’jun? Don’ be silly.” jc sighs and starts dozing off again. “A-Rong, tell Auntie Mei I wan’ soup later.”
jc stirs again. “A-Rong, who’zat?”
“I’m just addressing Zewu-jun, Sect Leader,” Jiang Rong whispers.
“Zew’jun? Don’ be silly.” jc sighs and starts dozing off again. “A-Rong, tell Auntie Mei I wan’ soup later.”
“Of course, Sect Leader.”
A while later jc’s healer comes to check on his condition and scolds Jiang Rong while he’s at it. “You should know by now that the only way for Sect Leader to recover is to rest.” He glares at Jiang Rong. “No amount of hovering will aid in that.”
A while later jc’s healer comes to check on his condition and scolds Jiang Rong while he’s at it. “You should know by now that the only way for Sect Leader to recover is to rest.” He glares at Jiang Rong. “No amount of hovering will aid in that.”
“Healer Yu, you know I can’t leave Sect Leader when he’s like this.”
Healer Yu’s glare intensifies. “Are you doubting my abilities?” He’s been looking after jc since Madam Yu was pregnant with him. He had escaped the massacre cuz he had been at Meishan but had rushed back after.
Healer Yu’s glare intensifies. “Are you doubting my abilities?” He’s been looking after jc since Madam Yu was pregnant with him. He had escaped the massacre cuz he had been at Meishan but had rushed back after.
“Of course not.” Jiang Rong scowls all the same. “Healer Yu, everyone is waiting for Sect Leader’s return. I cannot go back without an answer.”
“He’s recovering. In a couple days we’ll go back by carriage. That’s your answer.” Healer Yu waves his hands. “Go. Leave.”
“He’s recovering. In a couple days we’ll go back by carriage. That’s your answer.” Healer Yu waves his hands. “Go. Leave.”
Jiang Rong skips around him, going back to jc’s side. “Sect Leader,” he whispers. “A-Rong takes his leave. You don’t need to worry about anything. Jiang Wei and I have everything under control.”
jc hums. “Mn. Stop lazing around, A-Rong. And tell Wei-er to get his shit together.”
jc hums. “Mn. Stop lazing around, A-Rong. And tell Wei-er to get his shit together.”
“Yes, Sect Leader.” Jiang Rong waits until jc falls asleep again before he tucks jc’s hand into the blanket and stands.
He bows at lxc, low and overly elaborate. “Zewu-jun, this one thanks you for our Sect Leader’s care.”
He bows at lxc, low and overly elaborate. “Zewu-jun, this one thanks you for our Sect Leader’s care.”
lxc gives a stiff nod in response. He doesn’t know what he’s done to cause this ire. Certainly their last meeting at the beginning of all this had been much more civil, but then lxc hadn’t been so irritable either.
Jiang Rong leaves without saying goodbye to wwx & lwj. He and the others care very little for the two of them. He has even less time for a sect leader that would abandon his duties for - what? The betrayal of a sworn brother?
What was that, compared to what their beloved Sect Leader has gone through?
He steps onto his sword the second he passes the entrance. He’s satisfied seeing his sect leader whole and well. Soon jc will be home, and they’ll be able to put this all behind them.
He steps onto his sword the second he passes the entrance. He’s satisfied seeing his sect leader whole and well. Soon jc will be home, and they’ll be able to put this all behind them.
lxc fixes the fluffy blanket once Jiang Rong leaves, re-tucking jc in. He sits there, watching jc, unmoving even when a servant slips in to deliver food for dinner.
When lxc fidgets with the blanket (again), jc shifts at the touch of lxc’s hands. “Gege?”
When lxc fidgets with the blanket (again), jc shifts at the touch of lxc’s hands. “Gege?”
lxc leans over jc to look into his face. “Yes? Do you need anything?”
jc opens his eyes and gives a slow blink. And then another, realisation and confusion threading through them. “Zewu-jun?”
jc opens his eyes and gives a slow blink. And then another, realisation and confusion threading through them. “Zewu-jun?”
“You’re at the cr,” lxc explains softly. “Your spiritual energy is exhausted. wwx is next door.”
The first thing jc wants is Zidian, and lxc fetches the box set off to the side. jc gives an audible sigh of relief as he slides it into his right index finger.
The first thing jc wants is Zidian, and lxc fetches the box set off to the side. jc gives an audible sigh of relief as he slides it into his right index finger.
jc doesn’t want to see wwx but asks for Jiang Rong, who’s already left. When he asks lxc how long he’s been out, lxc doesn’t quite know how to answer, so he decides to fetch the healer instead, who also tells him about wwx’s theory on jc’s drain of energy and strain on his core.
“Huh,” is all jc says after. He remembers most of what happened, but things are foggy, like old memories or a very long dream. Then he tries to sit up. “I need to get back to lp. By carriage is fine.”
“You need rest,” Healer Yu says firmly, pushing him back down. “We’ll leave when I say you’re ready to leave.”
jc scoffs. “Don’t be silly, old man. I’ll be resting on the way back.” His hands shake as he shoves the blankets away, and Healer Yu pokes him hard on the forehead.
jc scoffs. “Don’t be silly, old man. I’ll be resting on the way back.” His hands shake as he shoves the blankets away, and Healer Yu pokes him hard on the forehead.
“Get back into bed, brat.”
lxc is standing by the foot of the bed. “Perhaps you should listen to the advice of your healer.”
“With respect, Zewu-jun, I have too much work to slack off like this.”
“This isn’t slacking off,” lxc says. “This is recovery.”
lxc is standing by the foot of the bed. “Perhaps you should listen to the advice of your healer.”
“With respect, Zewu-jun, I have too much work to slack off like this.”
“This isn’t slacking off,” lxc says. “This is recovery.”
“From nothing,” jc counters. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not!”
jc and the healer both stare at lxc with wide eyes. “Uhhh...” jc has no idea how to respond.
“You’re not!”
jc and the healer both stare at lxc with wide eyes. “Uhhh...” jc has no idea how to respond.
lxc is tense; he can feel himself shaking, hands curled into tight fists at his side. His voice continues to rise. “Your spiritual energy is depleted. wwx is still figuring out how to stop it from draining. You’re not well, you’re sick, and you’re not going anywhere!”
Healer Yu is quicker to react. “You heard him. Back in bed, and you’re gonna stay there until I say so.”
jc wants to protest more, but the look on lxc’s face has him a little worried. lxc looks like he’s half a second away from going apeshit, and jc does not want to see that.
jc wants to protest more, but the look on lxc’s face has him a little worried. lxc looks like he’s half a second away from going apeshit, and jc does not want to see that.
“We’ll leave tomorrow then,” he relents.
“The day after,” the healer says. “And not a moment before.”
“The day after,” the healer says. “And not a moment before.”
jc sighs. “Fine.” He pulls the blanket over his legs as he leans back against the pillows, and lxc watches jc surreptitiously stuff the fluffy blanket against the wall, hiding it from view. “Let me see wwx’s research notes.”
wwx & lwj are called in, and lxc continues standing at the foot of the bed as wwx talks to jc. lwj has gone back to his old habit of glaring at jc over wwx’s shoulder, distaste and anger projecting loud and clear.
lxc feels a sudden rush of anger towards lwj, and he sits in a corner, deliberately turning away from the bed to flip through a medical book. He’s not really reading it, keeping an ear out for jc & wwx’s conversation.
jc is ignoring wwx’s jokes, and wwx is gradually getting quieter as lwj’s silent fury gets louder.
“Enough,” lxc says eventually. His skin is crawling. “Sect Leader Jiang needs to rest.”
“Enough,” lxc says eventually. His skin is crawling. “Sect Leader Jiang needs to rest.”
“I’m fine,” jc says reflexively, though his eyes are drooping and the only reason why he’s upright is cuz of the pillows propping him up.
wwx laughs. “See, Lan da-ge, he’s fine.”
“Healer Yu says he needs rest. This isn’t rest.”
wwx laughs. “See, Lan da-ge, he’s fine.”
“Healer Yu says he needs rest. This isn’t rest.”
lwj’s eyes narrow at him. “Perhaps xiongzhang should also retire to the hanshi for rest.”
“And you should go back to your research.”
“And you should go back to your research.”
The two brothers just look at each other for a long moment. lxc doesn’t know what kind of face he’s making. He’s not too sure what he’s doing, like he’s separated from his body and just watching all of this happen.
“Ah...” wwx laughs again awkwardly. He waves his hands. “Right, Lan Zhan, let’s go.” lwj doesn’t immediately budge, and wwx links arms with him. “We’ve got a lotta work to do.”
jc sits there quietly as lxc watches wwx & lwj go. He’s still quiet as lxc helps him lie down, a frown wrinkling his brow. “Zewu-jun,” he starts hesitantly. “Are...are you feeling alright?”
“Yes. Why?” lxc asks placidly.
“Yes. Why?” lxc asks placidly.
“Just...” jc’s eyes rove over his face, inspecting. “Aren’t you in seclusion?”
“Yes.” He pulls the fluffy blanket out where it was half hidden, and jc flushes as lxc shakes it out, settling it over his shoulders. “Rest now.”
“Yes.” He pulls the fluffy blanket out where it was half hidden, and jc flushes as lxc shakes it out, settling it over his shoulders. “Rest now.”
jc can hear lxc sitting back down in a chair and opening a book. Something digs at him, and he’s not quite sure how to approach it. He’s immensely thankful to lxc and all the love he had put into caring for him,
but the vacant look in lxc’s eyes seem to suggest he’s not really seeing jc even though he’s looking right at him. Like he’s seeing his Cheng-er instead.
jc can’t be that for him. He’ll leave soon, and he cannot be the next thing lxc fixates on as a distraction from his own heartache. jc won’t allow it. No more will he be someone’s replacement.
It’s curfew, but lxc doesn’t budge from his seat in jc’s room. If he pays attention he can hear wwx’s voice next door, talking ceaselessly as he digests his research.
lxc had asked a servant to fetch him some books from wwx, deciding that he should help research too. It’s even more urgent than the one to turn jc back into an adult.
The healer thinks jc will recover with rest, but the process is slower than it should be because of the side drain targeting his core. He still has no idea the core isn’t jc’s.
When jc wakes the next morning, lxc is there at his bedside. “How are you feeling?”
When jc wakes the next morning, lxc is there at his bedside. “How are you feeling?”
“Fine,” jc croaks out. He‘s not fine.
“Here.” lxc hands him some water, jc sitting up to drink it. lxc ends up holding the bottom of the cup when jc almost drops it. “I’ll get Healer Yu.”
“Here.” lxc hands him some water, jc sitting up to drink it. lxc ends up holding the bottom of the cup when jc almost drops it. “I’ll get Healer Yu.”
So the healer comes and says jc needs more bed rest but now that he’s properly awake he can start taking nourishment tonics that the healer‘s been making.
jc scrunches his face. “No, I don’t need them.” His voice is weak, at odds with the bite in his words.
jc scrunches his face. “No, I don’t need them.” His voice is weak, at odds with the bite in his words.
Healer Yu rolls his eyes. “I’ve got huamei.” Since childhood, jc’s been used to chasing the bitterness of medicine with dried sour plums.
“Oh. Alright. If I absolutely have to.” jc gives a gusty sigh.
“I’ll force it down your throat if I have to.”
“Oh. Alright. If I absolutely have to.” jc gives a gusty sigh.
“I’ll force it down your throat if I have to.”
“You’d have to be stronger than this, old man.”
“You’d have to be able to get out of bed first, brat.”
lxc is delighted as he watches all of this. No one really knows jc at all outside of his sect, and here he is still demanding sweets in exchange for drinking bitter medicine.
“You’d have to be able to get out of bed first, brat.”
lxc is delighted as he watches all of this. No one really knows jc at all outside of his sect, and here he is still demanding sweets in exchange for drinking bitter medicine.
He conveniently forgets that he was the one that had chosen not to know jc, because 13 years ago, jc had been nothing more than an ally in a war they had all been forced into, and afterwards, he had not mattered to lxc at all beyond sect matters.
Healer Yu leaves after admonishing jc some more, and jc sighs, slumping against his pillows.
“Do you need anything?” lxc’s face pops up in front of him. jc will never admit how it startles him.
“Zewu-jun! Were you here the whole time?” jc flushes.
“Do you need anything?” lxc’s face pops up in front of him. jc will never admit how it startles him.
“Zewu-jun! Were you here the whole time?” jc flushes.
lxc just hums. “I’ll have some breakfast delivered.”
“...Thanks.” jc sits there as he watches lxc fuss with the blankets, smoothing them out and tucking them close around his feet. “What are you doing?”
“Keeping you warm.” lxc tilts his head. “Is something wrong?”
“...Thanks.” jc sits there as he watches lxc fuss with the blankets, smoothing them out and tucking them close around his feet. “What are you doing?”
“Keeping you warm.” lxc tilts his head. “Is something wrong?”
jc sighs. He’s getting irritated now, but lxc is obviously in a delicate mindset, and jc owes it to him to treat him with kindness. “Zewu-jun, you don’t need to do any of this for me. I’m not a child.”
Not anymore.
Not anymore.
lxc looks like he’s been stabbed. He freezes, still bent over the bed, staring blankly with his hands somewhere around jc’s left ankle.
“Zewu-jun?” jc whispers after a few heartbeats.
lxc blinks, straightening. “Yes. Yes, I, ah, forgive me for overstepping, Sect Leader Jiang.”
“Zewu-jun?” jc whispers after a few heartbeats.
lxc blinks, straightening. “Yes. Yes, I, ah, forgive me for overstepping, Sect Leader Jiang.”
“It’s fine,” jc says slowly. “There’s no need to apologise.”
They stay in awkward silence, jc staring down at his lap and lxc standing there, face turned away, until the servant arrives with breakfast. lxc then fusses with the tray, refusing to let jc eat at the table.
They stay in awkward silence, jc staring down at his lap and lxc standing there, face turned away, until the servant arrives with breakfast. lxc then fusses with the tray, refusing to let jc eat at the table.
jc is beyond irritated at this point, and he has to remind himself that this is the man that took care of him at his most vulnerable, had played with him and held him and comforted him through all his tears.
jc owes him. He owes wwx and even lwj, and he hates it, being put into a position again where he was powerless and unable to make any decision for himself, so the only thing he can be is “grateful” even when he never wanted any of it.
jc forces down a few bites of food before pushing it away. lxc looks like he wants to argue with jc to eat more, but the scowl on jc’s face is finally useful as lxc just allows a servant to take the tray away, and that’s when Healer Yu back to give him his medicine.
“Did you make this extra bitter on purpose?” jc holds back a gag, clapping a hand over his mouth and swallowing hard.
“It would serve you right if I did,” Healer Yu retorts, forcing jc’s mouth back open and smacking a huamei into it. “I’ll be back later with a fresh batch.”
“It would serve you right if I did,” Healer Yu retorts, forcing jc’s mouth back open and smacking a huamei into it. “I’ll be back later with a fresh batch.”
jc scrunches his face up, sucking contentedly for a while before he chews, and lxc watches his myriad of expressions with strange intensity that jc catches, raising an eyebrow when their eyes meet.
lxc flusters. “I’ll just. More books. Yes. Uh. Do you need anything?”
lxc flusters. “I’ll just. More books. Yes. Uh. Do you need anything?”
“Actually,” jc says, and lxc stares at jc’s cheek, pushed out and round from the plum. “I’d like to help with the research.”
“You should be resting.”
“I am. I can read in bed.”
“You should be resting.”
“I am. I can read in bed.”
lxc feels like that defeats the whole purpose of bed rest, but jc does look better this morning, skin no longer powdery white even though his hands still shake and he’s only supported by pillows. “Alright,” he says reluctantly. “But promise you’ll take a break when you’re tired.”
“When I’m tired. Absolutely.”
lxc doesn’t know that jc is never “tired” because he will insist on pressing ahead until he drops from exhaustion. jc is only ever tired when there’s the luxury of being tired, and there’s no room for frivolity right now.
lxc doesn’t know that jc is never “tired” because he will insist on pressing ahead until he drops from exhaustion. jc is only ever tired when there’s the luxury of being tired, and there’s no room for frivolity right now.
So they settle with their books, jc on the bed and lxc in his corner, reading until lunch is delivered for both of them. lxc eats reluctantly. He’s tasting nothing, and it’s taking all his effort to chew and swallow without it coming all back up.
jc doesn’t finish his meal again, and Healer Yu comes just in time to scold him about overexerting himself before taking his pulse and forcing another bowl of medicine down his throat.
“It’s even more bitter than this morning,” jc complains, and then demands a second huamei.
“It’s even more bitter than this morning,” jc complains, and then demands a second huamei.
Healer Yu gives a sharp poke to jc’s forehead but leaves a small plate of them by the bed before going.
jc catches lxc staring at the huamei and offers him one, laughing when lxc chokes, eyes watering at the intensity of the taste.
jc catches lxc staring at the huamei and offers him one, laughing when lxc chokes, eyes watering at the intensity of the taste.
lxc’s face is hot with embarrassment, but the trill of jc’s laugh is so familiar, just a couple octaves lower, and lxc’s breath catches in his throat, heart clenching.
They settle back down with their research. Soon, jc’s head is spinning, the words blurring together. He shakes his head, pinching his arm to wake himself up. Moments later, nothing is registering, and he closes his eyes to clear the black spots starting to invade his vision.
lxc startles when he hears a clatter, and looks over to see jc’s book dropped to the floor and a limp wrist flopped over the bed. jc groans, listing to the side as he tries to reach for the book. lxc makes it just in time to stop jc from rolling off the bed completely.
“Stop. I’m fine,” jc mumbles, too weak to even push away lxc’s hands that shift him until he’s lying down. His eyes are barely open.
“You need rest,” lxc says firmly. He had thought just reading would be fine, but it wasn’t. jc just didn’t have the energy to be awake at all.
“You need rest,” lxc says firmly. He had thought just reading would be fine, but it wasn’t. jc just didn’t have the energy to be awake at all.
“‘M fine,” jc mumbles again, the pout to his lips just the same as Cheng-er. “‘M not tired.”
It’s sudden, but lxc feels so, so fond. “Just for a little while. G-“ He swallows hard. “I’ll be right here.”
jc falls asleep to the phantom sensation of fingertips along his temple.
It’s sudden, but lxc feels so, so fond. “Just for a little while. G-“ He swallows hard. “I’ll be right here.”
jc falls asleep to the phantom sensation of fingertips along his temple.
wwx comes in during the afternoon, having slept all morning after getting to bed at dawn. He has no updates on the research so he sits by jc’s bed for a while, holding his hand. He looks so much older without his usual smile. Eventually he leaves and it’s just lxc there again.
jc is still asleep when it’s time for dinner, though lxc wakes him up and makes him eat a few bites before jc is full. Healer Yu comes in with more bitter medicine, but this time jc doesn’t complain because they start discussing the plan to leave tomorrow.
lxc doesn’t want to hear it. lxc doesn’t want to hear any of it, but he also wants to know everything that’s being said. So he sits there in his seat, fingers wrinkling the delicate paper of the book he’s pretending to read.
Healer Yu leaves after a while and jc sighs, leaning against his pillows, deep in thought.
“Do you really have to go?”
jc looks over to lxc, who’s standing in the middle of the room. “Yes,” he says simply.
“Do you really have to go?”
jc looks over to lxc, who’s standing in the middle of the room. “Yes,” he says simply.
lxc comes closer, next to the bed. “You don’t have to. You’re still weak, you need rest, what if something happens to you along the way?”
jc gives a gusty sigh. “Nothing is gonna happen. If you’re soooo worried then come along with us.”
jc gives a gusty sigh. “Nothing is gonna happen. If you’re soooo worried then come along with us.”
jc is 1000000% being sarcastic. lxc is still in seclusion even if he’s been wandering around cr because of jc.
But the look on lxc’s face has him regretting his words, cuz lxc is staring at him seriously, like he’s actually contemplating escorting jc back to lp.
But the look on lxc’s face has him regretting his words, cuz lxc is staring at him seriously, like he’s actually contemplating escorting jc back to lp.
“I’m tired,” jc says abruptly, when lxc’s gaze travels from his face down the length of his body and back up. His face feels hot as he slides down the bed and turns towards the wall.
“Good night,” lxc says serenely. He pulls the blanket higher around jc’s shoulders and jc just hums in response. lxc extinguishes the candles around jc, leaving only a couple on in his little reading corner.
lxc sits down and opens a book, one eye on jc as he reads. But then he starts to feel increasingly antsy, so he ends up sitting by jc’s bed to stare at his sleeping face instead.
It’s not normal, he knows. Whatever he’s doing - none of it is normal.
/He’s/ not normal. He hasn’t been normal since Guanyin Temple, and he doesn’t know if he ever will be.
/He’s/ not normal. He hasn’t been normal since Guanyin Temple, and he doesn’t know if he ever will be.
jc shifts, turning onto his side, hands curled into his chest. He still sleeps like that as an adult, lxc thinks, just on the edge of adoring. He brushes jc’s hair away from his face and jc gives a soft whine.
lxc freezes, afraid that he had woken jc. But jc keeps sleeping peacefully, and eventual his tiny frown and even tinier pout smooths back out again.
The next morning, jc wakes around 7, and lxc is there again by his bedside. “Don’t you ever sleep?” jc grumbles as he sits up.
The next morning, jc wakes around 7, and lxc is there again by his bedside. “Don’t you ever sleep?” jc grumbles as he sits up.
“I’ll call for breakfast,” lxc says instead. He’s had enough time to feel thoroughly disgusted with himself, but it’s still not enough to send him back to the hanshi.
Healer Yu is there before breakfast comes, having stayed up to brew tonics for the trip back to Yunmeng. lxc waits for him to scold jc into eating more, but he says nothing when jc takes a few bites of congee and then pushes the tray away.
jc takes the medicine without complaint again, drinking straight from the bowl in a few large gulps. lxc doesn’t like seeing this side of jc. He wants the jc that whines for more huamei, the one that pouts in protest to exhaustion, the one that curls up like a kitten in sleep.
He wants the shadows of Cheng-er that still live in jc.
When jc gets out of bed, walking unsteadily behind the privacy screen to change, lxc wants desperately to help him, but he knows jc would never allow it.
When jc gets out of bed, walking unsteadily behind the privacy screen to change, lxc wants desperately to help him, but he knows jc would never allow it.
“Alright, then.” jc rounds the screen, fully dressed. He’s Sect Leader Jiang again, pale and shaky but with a spine of steel and a storm in his eyes. “Where’s wwx?”
“Next door,” lxc says faintly.
“I’ll stop by to say goodbye and then we’ll leave. Everything’s packed?”
“Next door,” lxc says faintly.
“I’ll stop by to say goodbye and then we’ll leave. Everything’s packed?”
“Double checked already,” Healer Yu says. “Enough provisions for 5 days.” The trip will only take 3 days so they can stop for jc to get proper rest at inns along the way but it’s always better to have backup.
“Good. I’ll meet you there.”
“Good. I’ll meet you there.”
There’s the issue of the long climb down the mountain, but jc is determined to walk down himself instead of carried out on a stretcher like some sort of invalid. Even he knows it’s useless to fly down when he’s at serious risk of falling.
jc turns to lxc then. “Zewu-jun.” He bows low. “Thank you for your care and consideration during my time of need, when I intruded on your seclusion. I am indebted to you.”
lxc feels sick. This is really happening. “Please, there is no need for thanks.”
lxc feels sick. This is really happening. “Please, there is no need for thanks.”
jc doesn’t smile as he gives a shorter bow and turns to leave.
lxc stands there, lost, as jc disappears. He turns back to look at the empty room, before sitting in his seat and opening a book.
lxc stands there, lost, as jc disappears. He turns back to look at the empty room, before sitting in his seat and opening a book.
(Later, he will be interrupted by lwj, who comes in to see him staring at the book, unmoving. lxc will go back to the hanshi, not seeing anything along the way, body guided by memory.
He will insist on continuing the research, but lwj knows, unkind as it is, that lxc is more of a liability like this. So lwj gives him books that wwx has already gone through, and lxc pretends to read them for the rest of the day.)
For now, jc strides into wwx’s research room without invitation just in time to catch wwx in the middle of a jaw-breaking yawn. “Hey. I’m leaving.”
“Jiang Cheng!” wwx sprints over. His hands are out, but he stops himself from touching jc. “How are you feeling?”
“Jiang Cheng!” wwx sprints over. His hands are out, but he stops himself from touching jc. “How are you feeling?”
“Fine. I’m heading back to lp. I’ll see you around.”
wwx sighs. “Jiang Cheng, I wish you would rest more.”
“I’ll be fine. I have Healer Yu.”
“Right.”
They stand there awkwardly for a while.
wwx sighs. “Jiang Cheng, I wish you would rest more.”
“I’ll be fine. I have Healer Yu.”
“Right.”
They stand there awkwardly for a while.
wwx smiles weakly. “I guess I shouldn’t let you know about other weird things I find, huh.”
jc shrugs. “It was fine. Send me your notes on the artefact. I want to study it too.”
“Oh. That’s, um. That’s good.” wwx fidgets whereas jc stands like a statue. “I’ll write soon?”
jc shrugs. “It was fine. Send me your notes on the artefact. I want to study it too.”
“Oh. That’s, um. That’s good.” wwx fidgets whereas jc stands like a statue. “I’ll write soon?”
“Yeah.” jc looks over wwx’s shoulder to see lwj still sitting at his table. lwj is ignoring him, so jc doesn’t bother to thank him.
“Well. Bye.”
“Wait! I’ll walk you down.”
jc frowns. “Why?”
“I just...thought we’d have more time to spend together.”
“Well. Bye.”
“Wait! I’ll walk you down.”
jc frowns. “Why?”
“I just...thought we’d have more time to spend together.”
“I’ve been here for over a month.”
“Yeah, but you spent most of your time with Lan da-ge! I barely got any time with you!”
jc sighs. “Fine. Hurry up, I want to leave before midmorning.”
“Yeah, but you spent most of your time with Lan da-ge! I barely got any time with you!”
jc sighs. “Fine. Hurry up, I want to leave before midmorning.”
lwj follows silently, and says nothing when wwx deliberately walks cliff side, just in case jc stumbles. jc comes close to it several times, and he’s ashen when they reach the bottom where the carriage waits. His legs are about to give out, and he’s got Sandu in a death grip.
Healer Yu quickly bundles him into the carriage, his assistant sitting at the front with the reins.
“Bye, Jiang Cheng.” wwx is peeking in through the window, where jc holds up the cover.
“See you.”
“See you.”
“Bye, Jiang Cheng.” wwx is peeking in through the window, where jc holds up the cover.
“See you.”
“See you.”
wwx watches the carriage roll off, the horse trotting along merrily. He sniffs, turning to lwj to hide his tears in his husbands shoulder.
It’s exactly 40 days after jc left Lotus Pier that he returns. Even before they cross into Yunmeng, they’re spotted by a disciple on lookout.
Jiang Wei, who “just happened to be there for work“, flies out to meet them, clambering into the carriage with a loud “Sect Leader!”
Jiang Wei, who “just happened to be there for work“, flies out to meet them, clambering into the carriage with a loud “Sect Leader!”
He all but collapses at jc’s feet, heart clenching at the paleness of jc’s face. jc is recovering well but travelling is always tiring even in peak condition.
“Wei-er, you brat, are you slacking off again?”
“Wei-er, you brat, are you slacking off again?”
Jiang Wei shakes his head, feeling tears prickle at the corners of his eyes as he clutches jc’s hand. “I promise we’ve been taking good care of Lotus Pier!”
“Alright, alright. Anyone give you and A-Rong a hard time?”
“Alright, alright. Anyone give you and A-Rong a hard time?”
Jiang Wei huffs, his face turning hard for a second. “They wouldn’t dare.”
“Good boy.” jc really does spoil him too much, seeing that Jiang Wei is already a married man in his 20s with a second baby on the way.
“Good boy.” jc really does spoil him too much, seeing that Jiang Wei is already a married man in his 20s with a second baby on the way.
They end up discussing sect matters until they stop at another outpost for the night.
The disciples there snap to attention when jc arrives, wondering if this is another surprise inspection but instead jc just eats dinner with them before retiring to his room.
The disciples there snap to attention when jc arrives, wondering if this is another surprise inspection but instead jc just eats dinner with them before retiring to his room.
They’re brimming with speculation and worry as Sect Leader looks obviously unwell, but Jiang Wei gives them a tongue lashing and makes them run until no one feels like gossiping anymore.
They arrive at lp the next day, Jiang Rong and a few senior disciples greeting his arrival.
They arrive at lp the next day, Jiang Rong and a few senior disciples greeting his arrival.
“Welcome back, Sect Leader!”
jc nods, leading the way into the throne room where they begin reporting on the matters that they’ve been dealing with in his absence. jc doesn’t stop for dinner, eating in the hall with them as they continue discussing sect matters.
jc nods, leading the way into the throne room where they begin reporting on the matters that they’ve been dealing with in his absence. jc doesn’t stop for dinner, eating in the hall with them as they continue discussing sect matters.
“How’s Jin Ling?” he asks, and they all exchange looks before Jiang Rong speaks up reluctantly.
“There’s been no letters from him. We’ve been asking after Sect Leader Jin, but he’s busy with his own sect and going on frequent night hunts with the two Lan disciples and
“There’s been no letters from him. We’ve been asking after Sect Leader Jin, but he’s busy with his own sect and going on frequent night hunts with the two Lan disciples and
the Baling Ouyang heir. Mingzhu’s team is keeping watch, so you don’t need to worry.”
jc’s heart clenches. “I see.” Jin Ling is growing up, but it still hurts to know.
“Should we send an invitation?”
“No. I’ll just write to him.”
jc’s heart clenches. “I see.” Jin Ling is growing up, but it still hurts to know.
“Should we send an invitation?”
“No. I’ll just write to him.”
jc has spent the better part of the last decade ensuring that jl’s position as sect leader would be secure, so he should be happy that there have been no issues. It hurts, but it was gonna happen eventually. He just never thought it would be so soon.
Maybe that’s why lxc had that complete meltdown when they had first tried to change him back.
lxc...jc shakes his head. “Make sure everything is on my desk by noon. I’ll check in on the morning training first. Jiang Feng, I hope you haven’t been slacking.”
lxc...jc shakes his head. “Make sure everything is on my desk by noon. I’ll check in on the morning training first. Jiang Feng, I hope you haven’t been slacking.”
The head disciple straightens in his seat. “No, Sect Leader!”
“Good.” It’s about time for his evening meds so jc dismisses them and returns to his room, gulping it down and ending the day with a soak in the tub.
He sinks into his bed with a sigh, feeling emotionally wrung out.
“Good.” It’s about time for his evening meds so jc dismisses them and returns to his room, gulping it down and ending the day with a soak in the tub.
He sinks into his bed with a sigh, feeling emotionally wrung out.
He had thought that his absence would have at least gone noticed by jl, but apparently not. Well, there was nothing he could do about it.
He had been furious at first that jl was with the Lan disciples so often cuz by extension that meant hanging out with wwx and wen ning.
He had been furious at first that jl was with the Lan disciples so often cuz by extension that meant hanging out with wwx and wen ning.
But jc is just so very tired, and the anger had burned out of him a couple months after the temple, leaving him resigned and hollow.
He feels even more hollow now. jc had stayed at koi tower frequently after the temple to ensure a smooth transition of power,
He feels even more hollow now. jc had stayed at koi tower frequently after the temple to ensure a smooth transition of power,
but afterwards he had begun to see less and less of jl, not by choice.
Has jl taken to calling wwx his da-jiu? Or Uncle Wei? It will probably be a while before jc gets to find out.
Has jl taken to calling wwx his da-jiu? Or Uncle Wei? It will probably be a while before jc gets to find out.
The next morning jc wakes up at the usual hour. He washes and dresses, eating a quick breakfast with the senior disciples and going over some urgent matters before heading to the training field.
The little ones swarm him when he arrives at their separate training grounds, grabbing his robes and shouting over each other. Some will soon be moved into proper training to develop a golden core, but some are so young they still have coordination issues.
He doesn’t realise he’s smiling as he crouches down and pats them on the head, giving short words of praise that brighten their faces, and then he moves onto the higher age groups, checking on their progress.
He’s proud of his disciples, all of them. They had all stuck to the harsh training and Jiang Feng had really stepped into his role as their head disciple.
He then heads back into his office to tackle the mountain of paperwork that has amassed, burying himself into work.
He then heads back into his office to tackle the mountain of paperwork that has amassed, burying himself into work.
He works through lunch, eating at his desk, but by late afternoon, he’s exhausted. Healer Yu reminds him that he’s still recovering, and Jiang Rong nags until jc finally gets into bed for a nap. He drops off as soon as he closes his eyes, dead to the world.
jc sleeps through the night, Healer Yu waking him briefly to down more meds before letting him sleep again.
The next morning, jc still wakes exhausted, but pushes himself out of bed. He falls back into his usual routine,
The next morning, jc still wakes exhausted, but pushes himself out of bed. He falls back into his usual routine,
and is kept busy enough that he doesn’t think about wwx and lxc at all until a letter arrives for him in the afternoon.
It’s from wwx, containing his notes about the artefact and also what he has on his core/spiritual energy so far.
It’s from wwx, containing his notes about the artefact and also what he has on his core/spiritual energy so far.
jc has known for a while that something is wrong. It would be ridiculous to say he doesn’t feel it, but he’s always known he would give his life to his sect.
When the exhaustion had started growing jc had ignored it, and now that he knows the cause, he can continue ignoring it.
When the exhaustion had started growing jc had ignored it, and now that he knows the cause, he can continue ignoring it.
Now, jl’s position is secure, Yunmeng Jiang has surpassed its old days in terms of strength and wealth, and his absence has shown that his SIC and TIC are fully capable of heading the sect.
Is there really any point in wwx continuing the research?
Is there really any point in wwx continuing the research?
There’s nothing wrong with his core, so maybe after it could even be transplanted back into wwx.
jc answers the letter the next day, hinting that wwx might have better things to do with his time.
jc answers the letter the next day, hinting that wwx might have better things to do with his time.
In cr, wwx is initially confused with jc’s letter but lwj points out that jc has resigned himself to no cure. wwx gets angry then, cuz how could jc give up without even trying? This is not “attempt the impossible”!
So he writes exactly that in a return letter, hands shaking cuz he’s so angry.
jc is stung when wwx throws their sect motto in his face. He knows just as well as anyone that he doesn’t embody their sect motto, floundering along as their leader.
jc is stung when wwx throws their sect motto in his face. He knows just as well as anyone that he doesn’t embody their sect motto, floundering along as their leader.
(jc doesn’t know that his disciples think of him as inspiration for the motto itself - living by the motto is to aspire to jc’s greatness, to his strength and perseverance and loyalty and devotion. To them, there is no greater hero than Sect Leader.)
jc doesn’t write back, and wwx lasts all of two days before writing again, feigning giving up and asking to visit lp.
“At least you’re asking permission this time,” jc writes back, but doesn’t refuse, and wwx sets off with lwj and a huge stack of books.
“At least you’re asking permission this time,” jc writes back, but doesn’t refuse, and wwx sets off with lwj and a huge stack of books.
Before they leave cr, they go to check on lxc. He seems to be doing well, calm and stately as always, the only sign of emotion the tight clench of his fingers as they mention going to lp.
lxc doesn’t want to talk about jc though, and he immediately changes the subject,
lxc doesn’t want to talk about jc though, and he immediately changes the subject,
before politely telling them that he’s tired and needs rest.
Alone again in the hanshi, lxc slumps. He’s gone back to his old routine of overthinking, dissecting his memories and cycling down into guilt and questioning if he is worth the life that’s been left to him.
Alone again in the hanshi, lxc slumps. He’s gone back to his old routine of overthinking, dissecting his memories and cycling down into guilt and questioning if he is worth the life that’s been left to him.
But wwx’s visit changes his focus to jc, to his little Cheng-er that he still misses so much. He still plays jc’s favourite songs on the guqin, has set jc’s favourite wooden rabbit on his mantle, has jc’s fluffy blanket folded in a corner of his bed.
He doesn’t know if this fixation on jc is any healthier than on his dead sworn brothers, and he feels intensely guilty for missing jc just as much.
It’s just that jc was /his/, his to protect and love, and the joy and love that jc had returned had been so pure and simple.
It’s just that jc was /his/, his to protect and love, and the joy and love that jc had returned had been so pure and simple.
No deceit, no lies, no manipulation. It was exactly what lxc needed, and now it’s gone.
wwx & lwj fly by sword to Yunmeng, and are greeted at the entrance to lp by a guard. He recognises them, but takes them to a waiting hall instead of the throne hall to see jc.
wwx & lwj fly by sword to Yunmeng, and are greeted at the entrance to lp by a guard. He recognises them, but takes them to a waiting hall instead of the throne hall to see jc.
It takes all of wwx’s willpower not to wander around lp as he pleases and reminds himself that he’s here as a guest. Luckily it’s a short wait, and they enter to see jc on the Lotus Throne, flanked by his SIC, TIC and a scattering of disciples.
wwx is super worried cuz jc still looks pale but he hides it with a smile. “Hey, Jiang Cheng!”
“What do you even want,” jc says, rubbing his temple.
“Hey, can’t I visit to see you? I miss Lotus Pier! I want to show Lan Zhan around, like the tanghulu place we used to love -“
“What do you even want,” jc says, rubbing his temple.
“Hey, can’t I visit to see you? I miss Lotus Pier! I want to show Lan Zhan around, like the tanghulu place we used to love -“
jc gives him a strange look. “Grandpa Li passed away many years ago. His grandson-in-law manages it now.”
“Oh. What about the painted kite stall?”
“Moved to another part of Yunmeng.”
“Fisherman Wang?”
“Oh. What about the painted kite stall?”
“Moved to another part of Yunmeng.”
“Fisherman Wang?”
“The Wen dogs killed him and his entire family. They had tried to ferry away some of the disciples.”
“Oh.” wwx stills. “Is...is there anyone left that we know?”
jc takes a moment too long to answer. “Well, Auntie Mei is in charge of our kitchens now.”
“Oh.” wwx stills. “Is...is there anyone left that we know?”
jc takes a moment too long to answer. “Well, Auntie Mei is in charge of our kitchens now.”
“Oh.”
jc sighs. “Wei Wuxian, what did you expect? Go out and have a wander. Think of it as adventuring in a new place.” Because nothing would be known to him anymore.
lwj glares at jc for his tactlessness, and all of jc’s disciples glare right back in similar distaste.
jc sighs. “Wei Wuxian, what did you expect? Go out and have a wander. Think of it as adventuring in a new place.” Because nothing would be known to him anymore.
lwj glares at jc for his tactlessness, and all of jc’s disciples glare right back in similar distaste.
“Dinner is at seven. If you feel like eating out that’s fine too.”
“Alright.”
jc waves a disciple over to lead wwx and lwj to their room. They’re situated in guest quarters on the outer perimeter, and wwx almost wants to complain but bites his tongue.
“Alright.”
jc waves a disciple over to lead wwx and lwj to their room. They’re situated in guest quarters on the outer perimeter, and wwx almost wants to complain but bites his tongue.
“So, how’s jc been doing?” wwx asks the disciple along the way.
“Sect Leader is well as always,” the disciple says flippantly.
“Any extra tiredness?”
The disciple barely suppresses a sneer. “This one is not sure he understands.”
“Sect Leader is well as always,” the disciple says flippantly.
“Any extra tiredness?”
The disciple barely suppresses a sneer. “This one is not sure he understands.”
“How’s his condition? Is he still taking nourishment tonics?”
“This one could not possibly know, given his low position.” Which is just blatant bullshit, because he had stood off to the side of Jiang Rong, who is clearly mentoring him for a future leadership position.
“This one could not possibly know, given his low position.” Which is just blatant bullshit, because he had stood off to the side of Jiang Rong, who is clearly mentoring him for a future leadership position.
wwx knows he’s not gonna get anything from this disciple, so he asks if Healer Yu is around. He is, so he asks the disciple to send him over.
He and lwj unpack while they wait, and then they wait some more until a random disciple comes to tell them
He and lwj unpack while they wait, and then they wait some more until a random disciple comes to tell them
that Healer Yu is too busy to see them. Both of them know it’s a direct snub but there’s not much they could do about it.
lwj tries to convince wwx to just leave - why stay here where they’re obviously not wanted? But wwx refuses because he needs to be here as jc deteriorates.
lwj tries to convince wwx to just leave - why stay here where they’re obviously not wanted? But wwx refuses because he needs to be here as jc deteriorates.
They decide not to go out, staying in their room until the same disciple fetches them for dinner. They’re joined by several more senior disciples in the banquet hall, with jc at the head.
There’s lotus wine, and wwx basically starts pouring it down his throat cuz he hasn’t had lp’s private collection in so long. He’s drunk halfway through dinner and starts talking loudly about their childhood, not realising when jc cuts him off at a private story or the way
his fist clenches when wwx says something insensitive and thoughtless.
The Jiang disciples all watch the scowl on their sect leader’s face deepen, and Jiang Rong is one braying laugh away from calling an end to dinner and sending wwx away when jc ends it himself.
The Jiang disciples all watch the scowl on their sect leader’s face deepen, and Jiang Rong is one braying laugh away from calling an end to dinner and sending wwx away when jc ends it himself.
“wwx is drunk,” he says to lwj. “Take him back to rest.”
“Jiang Cheng! I’m completely fine! I can drink twice as much as you, you know that!”
jc ignores him, looking at lwj, who bristles but lifts wwx into his arms. wwx nuzzles into lwj. “Ah, my Lan Zhan, you’re so strong...”
“Jiang Cheng! I’m completely fine! I can drink twice as much as you, you know that!”
jc ignores him, looking at lwj, who bristles but lifts wwx into his arms. wwx nuzzles into lwj. “Ah, my Lan Zhan, you’re so strong...”
lwj spirits him away, but they can all hear wwx’s voice as it echoes down the corridor.
jc rubs his temples again.
“Sect Leader, please rest.“ Jiang Rong is firm, and they all know something’s wrong when jc just agrees.
jc rubs his temples again.
“Sect Leader, please rest.“ Jiang Rong is firm, and they all know something’s wrong when jc just agrees.
Jiang Rong escorts jc back to his room, and posts a few disciples to stand guard outside in shifts.
Meanwhile, Healer Yu is about to have an aneurysm when he finds out jc had wine at dinner. It’s harmful to the body at best, and jc still hasn’t recovered his full strength.
Meanwhile, Healer Yu is about to have an aneurysm when he finds out jc had wine at dinner. It’s harmful to the body at best, and jc still hasn’t recovered his full strength.
jc has never had to bounce back from such low spiritual reserves before, so Healer Yu goes in to give him a hangover tonic and a lecture.
When jc is left alone to sleep, the last thing he thinks of as he drifts off is how nice it would be to have lxc’s warm, gentle hand stroke his hair through the pounding of his head.
Both wwx and jc have a hangover the next day. wwx wakes around noon a little nauseous, but jc wakes up before dawn vomiting.
The guards outside hear him retching, and Healer Yu is pulled from bed and rushed to his rooms.
The guards outside hear him retching, and Healer Yu is pulled from bed and rushed to his rooms.
“I told you,” Healer Yu says, giving jc a different hangover tonic. “You know how harmful wine is to the body. You’re not recovered yet!”
“I was just tired.” jc is pale and clammy, sweat dotting his brow. “It shouldn’t affect me like this.”
“I was just tired.” jc is pale and clammy, sweat dotting his brow. “It shouldn’t affect me like this.”
“Your core is already working in overdrive and your body is still exhausted. How do you expect it to process alcohol as normal? No more alcohol until I say so.”
“Fine, whatever.” jc waves a hand, and Healer Yu’s worry triples at the easy acceptance.
“Fine, whatever.” jc waves a hand, and Healer Yu’s worry triples at the easy acceptance.
“I’ll have an assistant stay here with you the whole time. You’re gonna drink every single drop of the meds I give you, you hear me?”
jc’s head is spinning. It’s a good thing he’s already lying down. “Yeah.”
jc’s head is spinning. It’s a good thing he’s already lying down. “Yeah.”
Healer Yu sweeps out to make more medicine, leaving a junior assistant on strict instructions to enforce bed rest and take his pulse every hour.
jc drifts back off to an uneasy rest, waking to take his meds around breakfast and to see his SIC and TIC.
jc drifts back off to an uneasy rest, waking to take his meds around breakfast and to see his SIC and TIC.
Jiang Rong is severely unimpressed, cuz this is wwx’s fault. jc only brings out the good stuff if there’s guests, and wwx had just kept toasting jc with no regard for his condition. It would be unbearably rude for jc to not drink with a guest, and even more so to refuse a toast.
Jiang Wei is incredibly worried, his entire face scrunched up. “Sect Leader, perhaps we should ask our esteemed guests to leave.”
“No,” jc says, still lying down in bed. “Let him do as he wishes.”
“No,” jc says, still lying down in bed. “Let him do as he wishes.”
Jiang Rong’s face sours. “Sect Leader, you’re in no condition to entertain guests.”
“It’s fine. He’ll just do his own thing anyway.”
They press jc some more but jc refuses to send wwx away, and he snaps at them to get back to proper work and training so they finally leave.
“It’s fine. He’ll just do his own thing anyway.”
They press jc some more but jc refuses to send wwx away, and he snaps at them to get back to proper work and training so they finally leave.
jc is still resting when wwx asks about him at lunch.
wwx is horrified at the news that jc is so unwell, and he ignores the food in favour of looking for jc. He’s immediately prevented from entering the inner courtyards, a horde of guards blocking his way.
wwx is horrified at the news that jc is so unwell, and he ignores the food in favour of looking for jc. He’s immediately prevented from entering the inner courtyards, a horde of guards blocking his way.
Shielding him, lwj has a hand on the hilt of Bichen, a silent threat.
Jiang Wei only scoffs when he arrives to the commotion. “Hanguang-jun, you forget yourself. This is lp; you have no authority here, even as Chief Cultivator.
Jiang Wei only scoffs when he arrives to the commotion. “Hanguang-jun, you forget yourself. This is lp; you have no authority here, even as Chief Cultivator.
We are well within our rights to deny you entry, and well within our rights to use force to defend against intruders.”
wwx doesn’t want to fight, he just wants to see jc.
Jiang Wei turns to wwx then. “Master Wei.” The honorific is clearly mocking.
wwx doesn’t want to fight, he just wants to see jc.
Jiang Wei turns to wwx then. “Master Wei.” The honorific is clearly mocking.
“Who do you think you are? The inner courtyards are for family and sect only. Have you suddenly become one of our Meishan cousins?”
wwx is stricken. “I just want to know if jc is okay.”
“Sect Leader is recuperating.”
“Could you help me pass on a message? I just -“
wwx is stricken. “I just want to know if jc is okay.”
“Sect Leader is recuperating.”
“Could you help me pass on a message? I just -“
Jiang Wei actually snorts. “I am no messenger.” He turns to the guards. “You know what to do.” And then he stalks off, disappearing once more.
lwj is enraged beyond belief. The audacity of them to speak so rudely to their elders and seniors - these indeed are jc’s disciples!
lwj is enraged beyond belief. The audacity of them to speak so rudely to their elders and seniors - these indeed are jc’s disciples!
“Wei Ying.”
wwx turns to him, eyes huge and sad. “Lan Zhan...”
“He’s not worth it.”
The Jiang disciples take obvious offence, hands going to their swords much like lwj had before.
wwx turns to him, eyes huge and sad. “Lan Zhan...”
“He’s not worth it.”
The Jiang disciples take obvious offence, hands going to their swords much like lwj had before.
“No,” wwx says stubbornly. “I’ll wait here then, until he’s well enough to see me.” If it’s gonna be like this, trying the other entry points wouldn’t work either.
“Wei Ying.”
“No, Lan Zhan.” The stubborn lilt to his mouth let’s lwj know nothing he says will change wwx’s mind.
“Wei Ying.”
“No, Lan Zhan.” The stubborn lilt to his mouth let’s lwj know nothing he says will change wwx’s mind.
lwj sighs. “I’ll get our books.”
wwx turns back to the guards. “Will none of you pass on a message for me to jc?”
“Sect Leader is recuperating,” one says, repeating Jiang Wei’s words. The stripes on his uniform show his higher rank.
wwx turns back to the guards. “Will none of you pass on a message for me to jc?”
“Sect Leader is recuperating,” one says, repeating Jiang Wei’s words. The stripes on his uniform show his higher rank.
“I just want him to know I’m worried about him! And to see if he’s ok!”
Dead-eyed glares stare back at him.
wwx huffs, crossing his arms across his chest. lwj returns to see him still standing there, and the two of them end up just standing around and reading.
Dead-eyed glares stare back at him.
wwx huffs, crossing his arms across his chest. lwj returns to see him still standing there, and the two of them end up just standing around and reading.
Privately, lwj thinks they could’ve sneaked in like before, but that probably wouldn’t hold over so well in the middle of the day with jc surrounded by disciples.
The guards do not break rank at all, still completely alert as a couple hours pass this way.
The guards do not break rank at all, still completely alert as a couple hours pass this way.
Eventually Jiang Wei comes back with a sour look on his face. “Sect Leader will see Master Wei.”
Relief floods through wwx’s face. “Finally!”
But when lwj makes to follow, Jiang Wei blocks his way with his sword. “Sect Leader said Master Wei, Hanguang-jun.”
Relief floods through wwx’s face. “Finally!”
But when lwj makes to follow, Jiang Wei blocks his way with his sword. “Sect Leader said Master Wei, Hanguang-jun.”
lwj’s glare would’ve decimated a weaker man. As it is, Jiang Wei just sneers at him. “Is there a problem, Your Excellency?”
lwj backs off with an angry sweep of his wide sleeves. He’ll wait for wwx in their room.
lwj backs off with an angry sweep of his wide sleeves. He’ll wait for wwx in their room.
The walk to jc’s room is tense as wwx follows Jiang Wei. He knows lp like the back of his hand, but he doesn’t know which room is jc’s. Turns out he’s just in his old one, much too humble for a sect leader.
The doors are open, and wwx runs the last few steps. “Jiang Cheng!”
The doors are open, and wwx runs the last few steps. “Jiang Cheng!”
“Ugh, why are you so noisy.” jc isn’t just exhausted, he looks ill, clammy and green around the edges.
“Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling well last night?”
A few of the disciples hanging around flash sharp glares at wwx.
“Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling well last night?”
A few of the disciples hanging around flash sharp glares at wwx.
jc bites back his instinctive answer - would you have listened? - and instead just huffs. “You were drunk off your ass and off in your own world.”
“I wouldn’t have let you drink if you had told me,” wwx says and jc’s headache intensifies.
“I wouldn’t have let you drink if you had told me,” wwx says and jc’s headache intensifies.
“Ugh, shut up. What do you want? I hear you’re making trouble for my disciples.”
“They wouldn’t let me come see you!”
Behind him, Jiang Wei rolls his eyes.
“That’s cuz you’re not of Jiang sect. What did you expect?”
“They wouldn’t let me come see you!”
Behind him, Jiang Wei rolls his eyes.
“That’s cuz you’re not of Jiang sect. What did you expect?”
wwx had expected to be let in and see jc as he wished. “Well it’s still rude.”
“Guests aren’t allowed back here. So shut up and tell me what you want.”
“I just wanted to see for myself how you’re doing.” wwx’s tone softens. “How’re you feeling?”
“Like shit.”
“Guests aren’t allowed back here. So shut up and tell me what you want.”
“I just wanted to see for myself how you’re doing.” wwx’s tone softens. “How’re you feeling?”
“Like shit.”
wwx sighs, grabbing the wet towel from the basin to dab at jc’s forehead. “What did Healer Yu say?”
“My body’s not processing the alcohol properly cuz it’s still recovering.” jc looks properly at wwx then.
“My body’s not processing the alcohol properly cuz it’s still recovering.” jc looks properly at wwx then.
”You know there’s nothing to be done other than resting and taking it easy.” He doesn’t mean the drinking, and both of them know it.
“No. I’ll find a way. I’ll think of something.”
“No. I’ll find a way. I’ll think of something.”
jc goes on. “So yeah. Go out and have some fun. You can stay here as long as you want, and I won’t even make you pay for rent and food.”
wwx chokes out a laugh, but it sounds too much like a sob. “How generous of you, jc.”
wwx chokes out a laugh, but it sounds too much like a sob. “How generous of you, jc.”
jc’s eyes close them, and he waves a hand. “Go now. I’m tired.”
“Can I come back here later and see you?”
“Yeah.”
“Sect Leader!” Jiang Wei butts in. “You need to rest.”
“Can I come back here later and see you?”
“Yeah.”
“Sect Leader!” Jiang Wei butts in. “You need to rest.”
“I’m resting now, aren’t I?” jc waves his hand again. “Just let him in if he wants. It’s too much trouble to keep him out.”
Jiang Wei huffs, and the death glares around wwx intensify.
Jiang Wei huffs, and the death glares around wwx intensify.
wwx lifts his chin high as he leaves. He used to be the revered head disciple, yet here they are now, treating him like a pariah.
lwj tries again to get wwx to leave. The disciples are ridiculously rude, they’re obviously unwanted, why should they stay to be mistreated?
lwj tries again to get wwx to leave. The disciples are ridiculously rude, they’re obviously unwanted, why should they stay to be mistreated?
But wwx is even more stubborn now. Seeing jc in bed is just a hint of what is to come, and wwx is determined to find a solution if not a cure.
He doesn’t care if spiritual energy will need to be continually passed to jc to keep him alive, he’s not gonna let jc die.
He doesn’t care if spiritual energy will need to be continually passed to jc to keep him alive, he’s not gonna let jc die.
Back in cr, lxc wonders how they’re all doing in lp. Has jc recovered yet? Has wwx caused any trouble for jc to yell at? How’s lwj holding up in a place where no one is falling over themselves fawning over him?
Has wwx found a cure yet?
Has wwx found a cure yet?
Perhaps he should write a letter just to see how they’re doing and to send well wishes to jc.
He spends the rest of the day drafting the letter. He sounds too trite, too patronising, or just flat out overly concerned with something that actually doesn’t have much to do with him.
He spends the rest of the day drafting the letter. He sounds too trite, too patronising, or just flat out overly concerned with something that actually doesn’t have much to do with him.
He sends it out the next morning along with the fluffy blanket. It would make for a nice lap blanket when jc works at his desk in the winter months.
jc is still feeling gross the next day, but well enough to resume his usual duties.
jc is still feeling gross the next day, but well enough to resume his usual duties.
wwx insists on tagging along, though lwj remains in their room. He’s still too angry to research, so he mediates and plays the qin instead.
lxc’s letter and package arrive after lunch. tbh jc never expected to hear from lxc again outside of duties restricted to sect leaders.
lxc’s letter and package arrive after lunch. tbh jc never expected to hear from lxc again outside of duties restricted to sect leaders.
jc writes back that he’s completely fine and that he hopes lxc is doing well also.
When lxc receives the letter the next day, he’s vaguely horrified at the shaky characters. It would have gone unnoticed to an unpracticed eye,
When lxc receives the letter the next day, he’s vaguely horrified at the shaky characters. It would have gone unnoticed to an unpracticed eye,
but lxc is an artist, and the minute details in jc’s calligraphy are just all too telling.
lwj’s letter is full of grievances against the Jiang disciples. wwx’s letter is full of false cheer that just worries lxc more.
lxc can only pace restlessly around his room.
lwj’s letter is full of grievances against the Jiang disciples. wwx’s letter is full of false cheer that just worries lxc more.
lxc can only pace restlessly around his room.
Has jc deteriorated? Why? What’s happening at lp?
lxc is still in seclusion. He can’t leave the hanshi. He’s already been wandering around cr, but at the very least he can’t leave their mountain.
In the middle of the night, lxc steps onto Shuoyue, and takes off for Lotus Pier.
lxc is still in seclusion. He can’t leave the hanshi. He’s already been wandering around cr, but at the very least he can’t leave their mountain.
In the middle of the night, lxc steps onto Shuoyue, and takes off for Lotus Pier.
lxc flies at such speed that he arrives at lp well before dawn. The guards on duty are beyond shocked, thinking only an emergency would tear Sect Leader Lan out of seclusion to lp at such an hour.
“Please wait a moment while we alert our sect leader,” one says.
“Please wait a moment while we alert our sect leader,” one says.
“No, that is fine. I can wait until Sect Leader Jiang wakes as usual.”
The guards share a confused look, but a couple lead him to the waiting hall and provide him with tea and some snacks.
“Sect Leader will be informed as soon as he wakes.”
The guards share a confused look, but a couple lead him to the waiting hall and provide him with tea and some snacks.
“Sect Leader will be informed as soon as he wakes.”
“Thank you.” lxc bows his head, the two guards rush to return a proper bow. “Is Sect Leader Jiang doing well?”
The look on their faces turns pinched. “Of course,” one says smoothly. “We’ll leave Sect Leader Lan here then. Please call if there’s anything you need.”
The look on their faces turns pinched. “Of course,” one says smoothly. “We’ll leave Sect Leader Lan here then. Please call if there’s anything you need.”
lxc gives another tip of his head, watching in his periphery as several guards are posted outside the entrance.
Hours later, when jc wakes, he is immediately told by a disciple that Zewu-jun had arrived in the middle of the night and that he’s waiting for jc.
Hours later, when jc wakes, he is immediately told by a disciple that Zewu-jun had arrived in the middle of the night and that he’s waiting for jc.
jc thinks it has to be an emergency also, so he washes and dresses hastily, still buckling his arm guards as he rushes over to the waiting hall where lxc is. “Zewu-jun,” he greets.
lxc smiles. “Sect Leader Jiang.”
“Did something happen?”
lxc smiles. “Sect Leader Jiang.”
“Did something happen?”
lxc inspects jc seriously, eyes tracing over his face before sliding down and back up the length of his body. jc’s face turns hot.
“How are you, Sect Leader Jiang?”
jc is confused. “Fine, thank you. Zewu-jun, is there something wrong?”
“How are you, Sect Leader Jiang?”
jc is confused. “Fine, thank you. Zewu-jun, is there something wrong?”
“Perhaps.” lxc moves closer. “You do not look well.”
jc scowls. “I fail to see how that’s any of your business.”
lxc looks wounded, and jc feels the tiniest bit sorry. Only a tiny bit.
jc scowls. “I fail to see how that’s any of your business.”
lxc looks wounded, and jc feels the tiniest bit sorry. Only a tiny bit.
He sighs. “I am fine. I just had a bad day cuz I drank some wine with wwx. Still recuperating, you know.”
“I see.” lxc feels rather foolish now.
“Come have breakfast with us,” jc says. “I’m not sure if wwx will be joining, but you can go see him anytime.”
“I see.” lxc feels rather foolish now.
“Come have breakfast with us,” jc says. “I’m not sure if wwx will be joining, but you can go see him anytime.”
“Yes, breakfast would be wonderful, thank you.” Flying as he had meant he was feeling rather hungry now, ready for a hot meal instead of insubstantial snacks.
He follows jc out of the waiting hall and towards the banquet hall, where servants are rushing to set everything up.
He follows jc out of the waiting hall and towards the banquet hall, where servants are rushing to set everything up.
“We usually all eat in the barracks,” jc explains. “Please excuse the mess.”
“No, not at all. It was me that intruded; thank you for your hospitality.
They’ve fallen back into their old pattern of stilted formality, not knowing how else to talk to each other.
“No, not at all. It was me that intruded; thank you for your hospitality.
They’ve fallen back into their old pattern of stilted formality, not knowing how else to talk to each other.
Jiang Rong is there, along with the TIC that lxc has never met before. Jiang Rong has a carefully blank expression, but the TIC’s narrow-eyed gaze is just on the edge of hostile as the two of them greet lxc and Jiang Wei introduces himself.
Heavens only know what Jiang Rong has told Jiang Wei about the illustrious and famously benevolent Zewu-jun. lxc certainly doesn’t want to know.
As he eats, lxc enjoys watching the banter between jc and his men. It’s light and easy, though their deep respect for jc is clear.
As he eats, lxc enjoys watching the banter between jc and his men. It’s light and easy, though their deep respect for jc is clear.
When jc calls his TIC Wei-er, lxc’s heart skips a beat. His mind jumps to jc at cr and his parting words for Jiang Rong to a “Wei-er”. lxc had foolishly hoped it was a junior disciple, perhaps the child of a disciple, but no, it was for this Jiang Wei.
lxc tries his best not to stare at Jiang Wei, looking over only when the man speaks. He’s still young, looking to be about mid-20s, tall and willowy, with pale skin and a high, straight nose. He’s not the most handsome, but he is certainly good looking.
lxc’s heart is thumping in his chest. Intermarriage amongst disciples is extremely common, and for a sect leader of jc’s age, it wouldn’t be surprising for him to marry one of his disciples.
“Zewu-jun?”
lxc startles, blinking as he turns to jc. “Yes?”
“Are you alright?”
“Zewu-jun?”
lxc startles, blinking as he turns to jc. “Yes?”
“Are you alright?”
“Yes, I...” lxc can’t help glancing over where Jiang Rong and Jiang Wei are sitting next to each other. “Forgive me, perhaps I’m a little tired.”
jc ends breakfast then, sending his SIC and TIC off to work as he leads lxc to a tea room. “Let’s have some tea, Zewu-jun.”
jc ends breakfast then, sending his SIC and TIC off to work as he leads lxc to a tea room. “Let’s have some tea, Zewu-jun.”
lxc follows him through lp, marvelling at the beautiful architecture and craftsmanship. To think how young jc was when he rebuilt his home, recruiting and training disciples and successfully leading them to war.
Who of their current generation would be able to do the same thing? He’s not sure he can pick out a single Lan disciple that can do what jc has accomplished. Certainly Sizhui and Jingyi are exemplary, but jc...
lxc realises that even he may not have been able to do what jc has done. Even now, lxc is in seclusion, his uncle is shouldering the responsibilities of the sect, and for what?
“Zewu-jun? We’re here.”
“Oh.” lxc hadn’t even realised.
“Zewu-jun? We’re here.”
“Oh.” lxc hadn’t even realised.
The tea room is luxuriously decorated without being garish. They sit around a small table in the centre, and a servant arrives with fresh tea, closing the door after.
“Zewu-jun, I have to ask. Did something happen? What was it that brought you here with such urgency?”
“Zewu-jun, I have to ask. Did something happen? What was it that brought you here with such urgency?”
lxc feels so, so stupid. “I was worried when I received your letter.” It’s better to just admit to his foolishness. jc wouldn’t mock him for it, would he?
jc isn’t looking at him, staring down into his teacup. “I see.” His voice reveals nothing.
jc isn’t looking at him, staring down into his teacup. “I see.” His voice reveals nothing.
“I just...had to come see for myself if you were alright.”
jc doesn’t immediately answer. “You have no obligation towards me,” he says eventually.
“Can’t I care about you as a person?” lxc realises it’s the wrong answer when jc stiffens.
jc doesn’t immediately answer. “You have no obligation towards me,” he says eventually.
“Can’t I care about you as a person?” lxc realises it’s the wrong answer when jc stiffens.
“Forgive me if I find that hard to believe.” jc lifts his head, eyes hard and cold. “Gusu Lan has never cared for Yunmeng. The esteemed Venerated Triad never extended a hand of friendship even in our time of need. Now you’re here, telling me you care about me as a person?”
This, without even counting the times lxc showed disapproval of jc’s strong-arm tactics, distancing himself from what he had thought was blatant bullying from a strong sect.
Or the way lxc had avoided crossing paths with jc whenever possible, sticking with jgy during intersect gatherings and ignoring jc as best he could while keeping with etiquette.
The way jc looks at him now tells lxc that jc had known all along, though jc had continued to treat him with respect through the years while keeping out of his way whenever possible.
“That was then,” lxc says feebly. “I admit I made many mistakes. Things are different now.”
“That was then,” lxc says feebly. “I admit I made many mistakes. Things are different now.”
“Yes, things are indeed different,” jc says harshly. “The Venerated Triad is no more, your precious jgy is dead, so now you have all the time in the world to pity a dying man.”
lxc stares at him with huge eyes. He’s seen many examples of jc’s ire over the years, but it had never been directed at him. “That is not why I’m here.”
“Oh, isn’t it? If jgy was still alive, would you be here? Would you acknowledge my existence at all outside of sect business?”
“Oh, isn’t it? If jgy was still alive, would you be here? Would you acknowledge my existence at all outside of sect business?”
lxc cannot answer. He cannot lie.
jc scoffs. “Zewu-jun, I owe you many things that I cannot repay. But do not think this means I will let you use me as a stand-in for your dead brothers. I have better things to do with my time, however long it might be.”
jc scoffs. “Zewu-jun, I owe you many things that I cannot repay. But do not think this means I will let you use me as a stand-in for your dead brothers. I have better things to do with my time, however long it might be.”
He stands then, looking down at lxc. “If you’ll excuse me, I must return to my duties.”
jc sweeps out of the room with a flourish of his purple robes, the heavy silk fanning out behind him and wafting a fragrant perfume back to lxc.
jc sweeps out of the room with a flourish of his purple robes, the heavy silk fanning out behind him and wafting a fragrant perfume back to lxc.
lxc sits there for a long while. The door is still open, and he can hear the disciples outside whispering, wondering what had caused their sect leader to storm out on Zewu-jun.
He feels dreadful.
He feels dreadful.
He regrets this trip, his impulsiveness, his disregard for the man behind the infamous Sandy Shengshou.
He had been determined to see the villain in jc, just as he had been determined that jgy was good. It wasn’t him ignoring signs - he had just never seen those signs at all.
He had been determined to see the villain in jc, just as he had been determined that jgy was good. It wasn’t him ignoring signs - he had just never seen those signs at all.
If jc hadn’t been so alone after Sunshot, would he have needed overt displays of strength and power? If he had the backing of the other major sects, would there have been so many trying their hardest to depose him and take Yunmeng for themselves?
lxc has never given it any thought. jc had never hid his distaste for jgy, and that had automatically put him on lxc’s shit list as just another person judging jgy by his birth and not by his person.
But then again, it is no secret that jc had fought jgy tooth and nail for partial custody of jl, had been incensed at jgy’s suggestion that he was qi deviating, and had never tried to get along with jgy afterwards.
lxc was so wrong about jgy. Was he also so wrong about jc? (The niggling voice in his head says yes, but lxc doesn’t trust himself anymore, not after all that’s happened.)
He sits there until late morning, when wwx arrives with lwj at his heels. “Lan da-ge! What a surprise!”
He sits there until late morning, when wwx arrives with lwj at his heels. “Lan da-ge! What a surprise!”
“Wei-gongzi, Wangji.”
wwx and lwj settle around the table, servants setting down some hot snacks as it wouldn’t be long until lunch. “What’s brought you here?” wwx asks, though lxc feels he already knows.
“I wanted to see if Sect Leader Jiang is doing well.”
wwx and lwj settle around the table, servants setting down some hot snacks as it wouldn’t be long until lunch. “What’s brought you here?” wwx asks, though lxc feels he already knows.
“I wanted to see if Sect Leader Jiang is doing well.”
wwx swallows his mouthful and exchanges A Look with lwj. “Ah, well. About that.” wwx gives him a brief rundown, and the worry on top of the guilt just makes lxc feel even worse.
“We’ve got it all under control,” wwx says. “You can go back to cr and we’ll keep you updated.”
“We’ve got it all under control,” wwx says. “You can go back to cr and we’ll keep you updated.”
lxc doesn’t want to go. Not when jc is still mad at him, and certainly not when he’s still unwell.
“There are more books in our room if you’re interested,” wwx offers, when lxc stays quiet.
“Perhaps I should take a look,” lxc says. “Since I’m here already.”
“There are more books in our room if you’re interested,” wwx offers, when lxc stays quiet.
“Perhaps I should take a look,” lxc says. “Since I’m here already.”
He follows wwx and lwj to their room, staring blankly at a book until a disciple fetches them for lunch.
There’s no banter between jc and his disciples this time, the banquet hall full of barely concealed hostility. jc eats nonchalantly, telling wwx again to explore the town.
There’s no banter between jc and his disciples this time, the banquet hall full of barely concealed hostility. jc eats nonchalantly, telling wwx again to explore the town.
wwx’s lips thin. “Maybe I’ll read at the floating pavilion today.”
jc ignores him. “There’s a teahouse right over the water with amazing views.“
wwx almost throws a temper tantrum, but even his big mouth knows to keep jc’s condition secret. “Fine. I’ll read at the teahouse.”
jc ignores him. “There’s a teahouse right over the water with amazing views.“
wwx almost throws a temper tantrum, but even his big mouth knows to keep jc’s condition secret. “Fine. I’ll read at the teahouse.”
jc sighs. His hands still aren’t steady and his face is still paler than normal. They end lunch in tense silence and jc goes to the training grounds.
lxc doesn’t know where to go or what to do, but jc is apparently ignoring him while simultaneously catering to him as a guest.
lxc doesn’t know where to go or what to do, but jc is apparently ignoring him while simultaneously catering to him as a guest.
He wants to follow jc, but the training grounds aren’t open to guests, and so he settles for wandering around lp, enjoying the lotus ponds and beautiful scenery.
When he arrives at the floating pavilion that wwx mentioned, a servant is quick to offer him tea and snacks.
When he arrives at the floating pavilion that wwx mentioned, a servant is quick to offer him tea and snacks.
lxc sits there, enjoying his tea and the bustle of lp, nothing like the hushed silence of cr. There’s a surprising amount of laughter from the disciples and servants, rushing about their business happily. lxc smiles at the noise, finding it comforting instead of jarring.
But his quiet enjoyment is shattered when Jiang Wei approaches him and bows low. “Zewu-jun.” His manners are impeccable, but lxc feels wary. “I haven’t thanked you yet for your care of our sect leader during his time at cr.”
“There is no need for thanks. It was a pleasure.”
“There is no need for thanks. It was a pleasure.”
“Thank you also for your concern of our sect leader.”
Now lxc is starting to feel supremely awkward. “Ah. Yes.”
“To think it even took you from seclusion. Really, we cannot thank you enough.”
lxc thinks he’s lost the plot somewhere. “I don’t think -“
Now lxc is starting to feel supremely awkward. “Ah. Yes.”
“To think it even took you from seclusion. Really, we cannot thank you enough.”
lxc thinks he’s lost the plot somewhere. “I don’t think -“
“Should I thank you also for finally deigning to acquaint yourself with our sect leader?”
lxc inhales sharply. “You misunderstand me.”
“No, I don’t think I do. Zewu-jun, if you think you can just come and take advantage of Sect Leader’s generosity then I can guarantee you -”
lxc inhales sharply. “You misunderstand me.”
“No, I don’t think I do. Zewu-jun, if you think you can just come and take advantage of Sect Leader’s generosity then I can guarantee you -”
“Wei-er.”
Jiang Wei’s entire face softens and brightens as he turns. “Sect Leader!”
“Are you talking shit to Zewu-jun?” jc’s tone is gentle and chiding, completely indulgent. “Zewu-jun, I apologise for any disrespect from my unruly disciple.”
Jiang Wei’s entire face softens and brightens as he turns. “Sect Leader!”
“Are you talking shit to Zewu-jun?” jc’s tone is gentle and chiding, completely indulgent. “Zewu-jun, I apologise for any disrespect from my unruly disciple.”
“Sect Leader, why are you apologising? I was just-“
“Just being a little shit like always. This is why I never take you anywhere with me.”
Jiang Wei flits over to jc’s side. “Sect Leader,” he says dejectedly. He’s taller than jc even with slumped shoulders.
“Just being a little shit like always. This is why I never take you anywhere with me.”
Jiang Wei flits over to jc’s side. “Sect Leader,” he says dejectedly. He’s taller than jc even with slumped shoulders.
jc huffs at him, obviously fond as he gives a soft stroke to the underside of Jiang Wei’s chin. lxc is dismayed at the intimacy. “Go help A-Rong with the paperwork.”
“Yes, Sect Leader.” Under jc’s watchful gaze, Jiang Wei drops into a bow for lxc. “Zewu-jun.”
“Yes, Sect Leader.” Under jc’s watchful gaze, Jiang Wei drops into a bow for lxc. “Zewu-jun.”
lxc nods, watching as Jiang Wei leaves and as jc takes a seat across from him. The flutter of his robes wafts over the same delicious perfume from this morning. “Jiang-gongzi is very fond of you.”
“Yes.” There’s a faraway look in jc’s eyes.
“You’re very fond of him also.”
“Yes.” There’s a faraway look in jc’s eyes.
“You’re very fond of him also.”
“I am.” And a secret smile at the corners of jc’s lips.
lxc clears his throat, taking a long sip of tea. “He’s quite the young man.”
“Mn. Quite.” jc sips his tea also. His hands are still shaky. “You’re still here.”
“Right. I, ah...” Lans do not lie. “I wanted to stay.”
lxc clears his throat, taking a long sip of tea. “He’s quite the young man.”
“Mn. Quite.” jc sips his tea also. His hands are still shaky. “You’re still here.”
“Right. I, ah...” Lans do not lie. “I wanted to stay.”
jc sighs. Tbh he’s feeling a tiny bit bad for losing his temper at lxc this morning. The man is obviously still in a bad place mentally and emotionally. lxc’s never done him any harm, so he doesn’t deserve jc’s anger.
The hollowness that jc feels has made him soft, too tired to bother with the past. It cannot be changed, so what’s the point? What’s the point of anything, really?
“Well, feel free to stay as long as you wish. A room will be made for you next to your brother’s.”
“Well, feel free to stay as long as you wish. A room will be made for you next to your brother’s.”
lxc’s smile freezes. “Ah. Well. It might be too much to ask, but if at all possible I’d like to be in a separate wing from them.”
jc frowns in confusion before he scrunches his face in disgust. It’s ridiculously endearing, and lxc’s heart skips a beat. “Right, yes, definitely.”
jc frowns in confusion before he scrunches his face in disgust. It’s ridiculously endearing, and lxc’s heart skips a beat. “Right, yes, definitely.”
“Thank you,” lxc says wholeheartedly.
“No problem.” jc waves a hand. “Anyway, I’ll see you at dinner.”
“Yes.” lxc watches jc go, leaving behind the faint scent of perfume once more.
lxc sips his tea as he commits the scent to memory.
“No problem.” jc waves a hand. “Anyway, I’ll see you at dinner.”
“Yes.” lxc watches jc go, leaving behind the faint scent of perfume once more.
lxc sips his tea as he commits the scent to memory.
Dinner that night is another awkward affair. wwx loudly declares he won’t be drinking any wine, sending the servant back with the jug. lxc sees Jiang Wei roll his eyes and he hides his smile with a bite of rice. Jiang Wei certainly brings the “fierce” to “fierce loyalty”.
jc is obviously exhausted again, barely eating and disappearing after dinner. As lxc is led to his room, he spies Healer Yu leading a horde of assistants to the inner courtyards.
lxc wants to follow but obviously can’t, so after settling in, he decides on another walk.
lxc wants to follow but obviously can’t, so after settling in, he decides on another walk.
lp at night is ethereal in its beauty, quiet and calm. He sits at a bench by a smaller lotus cove and feels the urge to paint. He hasn’t had inspiration for over a year, and he didn’t expect to come now.
But the lotuses are so pretty in the moonlight, the water clear and still.
But the lotuses are so pretty in the moonlight, the water clear and still.
lxc looks around for a servant or disciple - he doesn’t have any supplies with him, had come with only clothing, Shuoyue, and Liebing.
Instead of a servant he sees lwj approach. lxc turns to face the water again as lwj sits beside him.
“Xiongzhang.”
Instead of a servant he sees lwj approach. lxc turns to face the water again as lwj sits beside him.
“Xiongzhang.”
“Wangji. Where’s Wei-gongzi?”
“Researching. He’s...a little frustrated.”
lxc hums.
“Xiongzhang.”
“Yes, Wangji?”
“You shouldn’t be here.”
lxc presses his lips together. There is no conceivable way this still counts as being in seclusion.
“Researching. He’s...a little frustrated.”
lxc hums.
“Xiongzhang.”
“Yes, Wangji?”
“You shouldn’t be here.”
lxc presses his lips together. There is no conceivable way this still counts as being in seclusion.
“Wangji does not understand.” lwj turns to look at him. “You do all this for Jiang Wanyin. Why?”
lxc takes a long while to answer, looking out over the water.
“I don’t know,” he says finally. “Something in me just calls out to him.”
lxc takes a long while to answer, looking out over the water.
“I don’t know,” he says finally. “Something in me just calls out to him.”
“Didn’t you feel this way towards jgy?” lwj challenges. “Xiongzhang’s heart is too soft. Others will take advantage.”
“No,” lxc says immediately. “No, Jiang Wanyin is different.”
“Is he?”
lxc looks at lwj, who returns it calmly.
“No,” lxc says immediately. “No, Jiang Wanyin is different.”
“Is he?”
lxc looks at lwj, who returns it calmly.
“Xiongzhang had thought the same thing of jgy, that he was misunderstood and looked down on. That no one else saw the good in him because of his birth, and upon suspicion would immediately arrive at the worst conclusion.
It made you want to protect him, to support him, to love him. jwy is a cruel, despicable man. Are you not doing the same for him now?”
Anger flares in lxc. “You know nothing of the man you speak!”
lwy’s stare is unflinching. “Is xiongzhang referring to jgy or jwy?”
Anger flares in lxc. “You know nothing of the man you speak!”
lwy’s stare is unflinching. “Is xiongzhang referring to jgy or jwy?”
“Of course jwy!” lxc stands, glaring down at lwj, who stands also. “Enough of your vitriol towards jwy. Your precious wwx isn’t so innocent and good, and neither are you. At least I acknowledge my faults whilst you lord over others, thinking yourself so much better than them.”
“You are choosing jwy over your blood brother?”
“I am not choosing anything! Why must you be like this?”
The mulish look on lwj’s face tells lxc everything he needs to know.
“I am not choosing anything! Why must you be like this?”
The mulish look on lwj’s face tells lxc everything he needs to know.
“There is no point in talking about this with you. We will never see eye to eye on this.” lxc pauses as he turns to leave. “I never made you choose between me and Wei-gongzi, and I never thought you would make me do just that.”
lwj stares after his brother, watching him sweep away, before sitting back down on the bench. lwj thinks he’s done nothing wrong. lxc is deluded again, just like he had been with jgy. Time will prove him right.
By the next morning, there’s no hiding that jc is not recovering properly. The transformation had taken too much from him, and now it appears they’ve skipped the gradual decline and are already at the “brink of exhaustion” stage.
It doesn’t help that jc had powered through his duties as usual since returning, running on nothing but determination.
There’s only so much energy a core can produce. Its maximum right now is still not enough, and it’s beginning to diminish from the energy directed back at it.
There’s only so much energy a core can produce. Its maximum right now is still not enough, and it’s beginning to diminish from the energy directed back at it.
Most of Yunmeng Jiang think that Sect Leader was injured during his top secret job so they’re all incredibly worried, but it does not compare to that of Jiang Rong and Jiang Wei.
Jiang Wei is knelt next to the bed, jc’s hand clutched against his chest. Jiang Rong stands next to him, pale with shock as Healer Yu gives his diagnosis.
“Stop crying, Wei-er.”
Jiang Wei shakes his head. “I’m not crying,” he says, scrubbing the tears from his face.
“Stop crying, Wei-er.”
Jiang Wei shakes his head. “I’m not crying,” he says, scrubbing the tears from his face.
“A-Rong, I trust you’ve got everything under control?”
He doesn’t. He really doesn’t. “Yes, Sect Leader.”
“Good. Any word from jl?”
Jiang Rong’s lips thin. “No, Sect Leader.” No doubt it’s because jc doesn’t want to burden jl with the knowledge that he’s ill.
He doesn’t. He really doesn’t. “Yes, Sect Leader.”
“Good. Any word from jl?”
Jiang Rong’s lips thin. “No, Sect Leader.” No doubt it’s because jc doesn’t want to burden jl with the knowledge that he’s ill.
jc sighs. “Where’s wwx?”
“In his room. Shall I send for him?” Jiang Rong may detest wwx, but he will not send anyway anyone trying to save jc.
“Yeah, why not.” jc’s eyes close.
“Sect Leader!” Jiang Wei cries.
“In his room. Shall I send for him?” Jiang Rong may detest wwx, but he will not send anyway anyone trying to save jc.
“Yeah, why not.” jc’s eyes close.
“Sect Leader!” Jiang Wei cries.
“Hush, Wei-er. The meds are making me sleepy, that’s all.” His body needs the healing sleep.
Jiang Wei sniffles next to the bed, until wwx flies in and nearly kicks him in the head scrambling onto the bed.
“Jiang Cheng! What’s wrong? What happened? Why did you call me?”
Jiang Wei sniffles next to the bed, until wwx flies in and nearly kicks him in the head scrambling onto the bed.
“Jiang Cheng! What’s wrong? What happened? Why did you call me?”
“Shuddup, wwx. You’re too noisy.” jc’s eyes blink open. “You really should spend more time exploring instead of staying cooped up in that room.”
“I told you, I‘ll figure something out.” wwx’s eyes and mouth are lined with tension, not even bothering with his usual smiling mask.
“I told you, I‘ll figure something out.” wwx’s eyes and mouth are lined with tension, not even bothering with his usual smiling mask.
jc sighs. “wwx, you don’t have a solution to everything in the world.”
“I will for you.”
jc knows better than to trust wwx’s promises. They bring nothing but hurt when they’re inevitably broken.
“I will for you.”
jc knows better than to trust wwx’s promises. They bring nothing but hurt when they’re inevitably broken.
He’s always the one left behind. But now it seems as if he’ll be the one to leave them all behind instead, for the first and only time.
He only wishes he had more time with jl. But there’s no point in calling him over now. He will later, to give Zidian a new master.
He only wishes he had more time with jl. But there’s no point in calling him over now. He will later, to give Zidian a new master.
Outside, Healer Yu is having a whispered conversation with Jiang Rong. “There is no medication for matters of the heart. Sect Leader is attacking his own core. If he’s doing it on purpose, nothing we do can stop it.
If he’s doing it subconsciously then he will only stop when the matter is resolved.”
Jiang Rong can think of nothing that would cause jc to be like this. Then his eyes turn hard. wwx. It has to have something to do with wwx.
Jiang Rong can think of nothing that would cause jc to be like this. Then his eyes turn hard. wwx. It has to have something to do with wwx.
“Keep doing all you can, Healer Yu,” he says. “A-Wei and I can start passing spiritual energy also.”
“That might be the only way,” Healer Yu says, and for a second, Jiang Rong’s strength almost gives way.
“That might be the only way,” Healer Yu says, and for a second, Jiang Rong’s strength almost gives way.
He catches wwx later as he leaves jc’s room, stepping directly into his path. “Master Wei, if you would spare me a moment.”
“What is it?” wwx folds his arms defensively. “I haven’t done anything.”
“You know why Sect Leader is attacking his core.”
“What is it?” wwx folds his arms defensively. “I haven’t done anything.”
“You know why Sect Leader is attacking his core.”
wwx fidgets, eyes shifty. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You’re looking for a specific solution. A talisman or array or medical procedure.”
“So?”
“There will not be a cure until Sect Leader’s distress is resolved.”
wwx frowns. “What sort of distress?”
“You’re looking for a specific solution. A talisman or array or medical procedure.”
“So?”
“There will not be a cure until Sect Leader’s distress is resolved.”
wwx frowns. “What sort of distress?”
“Whatever there is about his core.”
Jiang Rong watches the colour drain from wwx’s face. He was right. It’s all wwx’s fault. “You /will/ tell me everything you know. I will not have Sect Leader waste away like this for someone like /you/.”
Jiang Rong watches the colour drain from wwx’s face. He was right. It’s all wwx’s fault. “You /will/ tell me everything you know. I will not have Sect Leader waste away like this for someone like /you/.”
“No.” wwx stands firm. “That’s between me and jc.”
“Master Wei -“
“I said no.” wwx doesn’t flinch when Jiang Rong takes a step closer. “I need to talk to Lan Zhan. I’ll come back to see jc soon.”
“Master Wei -“
“I said no.” wwx doesn’t flinch when Jiang Rong takes a step closer. “I need to talk to Lan Zhan. I’ll come back to see jc soon.”
Jiang Rong’s nails are digging into his palm, fisted tightly against his side. He doesn’t answer, and doesn’t move when wwx moves past him.
If wwx won’t tell, maybe Jiang Wei could get jc to spill instead.
If wwx won’t tell, maybe Jiang Wei could get jc to spill instead.
Sect Leader is asleep, but Jiang Wei will be alerted the second he wakes, and he goes back to handle sect business after talking with Jiang Rong.
Meanwhile, Jiang Rong goes to find lxc, eventually locating him at the floating pavilion, painting leisurely.
Meanwhile, Jiang Rong goes to find lxc, eventually locating him at the floating pavilion, painting leisurely.
Jiang Rong swallows his sneer and approaches with a bow. “Zewu-jun. This one has a favour to ask.”
“I will do my best to help.”
“Sect Leader is unwell. Gusu Lan is famed for healing and your healing music. Is there a chance that -“
“I will do my best to help.”
“Sect Leader is unwell. Gusu Lan is famed for healing and your healing music. Is there a chance that -“
“Yes, of course,” lxc says, already standing and rushing off. “My qin is in my room.”
Jiang Rong follows. “This one thanks you.”
“Please, no thanks are necessary.”
No one says anything when Jiang Rong leads lxc to jc’s room. lxc gives a sharp inhale when he sees jc sleeping.
Jiang Rong follows. “This one thanks you.”
“Please, no thanks are necessary.”
No one says anything when Jiang Rong leads lxc to jc’s room. lxc gives a sharp inhale when he sees jc sleeping.
“Healer Yu gave him meds to aid in healing sleep.”
“I see.” lxc sits by the bed, leaning over to inspect jc’s sleeping face. “I thought he was recovering.”
“We all thought wrong.”
lxc reaches out, brushing away a loose strand of hair.
“I see.” lxc sits by the bed, leaning over to inspect jc’s sleeping face. “I thought he was recovering.”
“We all thought wrong.”
lxc reaches out, brushing away a loose strand of hair.
Jiang Rong suddenly feels very uncomfortable. “Zewu-jun, is this suitable?” He gestures to the low table in jc’s room.
“Yes, that’s perfect.” lxc sits so he can watch jc as he plays. Healing music is normally for physical ailments, but it should make jc more comfortable.
“Yes, that’s perfect.” lxc sits so he can watch jc as he plays. Healing music is normally for physical ailments, but it should make jc more comfortable.
“Then I leave Sect Leader in your hands.”
Jiang Rong closes the doors behind himself as lxc begins to play.
=====
Jiang Rong closes the doors behind himself as lxc begins to play.
=====
jc wakes up after a couple hours of lxc’s playing, feeling a tiny bit better but still exhausted. He’s only a little surprised to see lxc there, cuz of course they would try Gusu’s healing music. There’s no point in a natural recovery, not now.
“Zewu-jun?”
“Zewu-jun?”
“Sect Leader Jiang.” The music cuts off, lxc approaching. “How are you feeling? Should I call Healer Yu?”
“No, I’m fine.” There’s scuffling outside and jc knows either his SIC or TIC (or both) will arrive soon. He props himself up, lxc helping him to lean against his pillows.
“No, I’m fine.” There’s scuffling outside and jc knows either his SIC or TIC (or both) will arrive soon. He props himself up, lxc helping him to lean against his pillows.
“Thanks for playing,” he says.
“It’s the least I can do.”
jc sighs. “You know it’s futile, right?”
“No, it’s not. The meds should have lasted until lunch, but you woke on your own. The music is helping, and I will continue to assist.”
“It’s the least I can do.”
jc sighs. “You know it’s futile, right?”
“No, it’s not. The meds should have lasted until lunch, but you woke on your own. The music is helping, and I will continue to assist.”
jc waves a hand. “If you want to continue wasting time, fine.”
“This is not wasting time. I would say it’s the best use of my time right now.”
jc sighs. “Do as you please. I can’t stop you.”
There’s a knock before Jiang Wei enters, bowing to lxc before sitting by jc.
“This is not wasting time. I would say it’s the best use of my time right now.”
jc sighs. “Do as you please. I can’t stop you.”
There’s a knock before Jiang Wei enters, bowing to lxc before sitting by jc.
lxc leaves the two of them to it, stepping outside so they could talk in private.
Inside, Jiang Wei is supremely frustrated that jc won’t spill his secret. “Why are you doing this?” he ends up asking. “Why won’t you try for us?”
Inside, Jiang Wei is supremely frustrated that jc won’t spill his secret. “Why are you doing this?” he ends up asking. “Why won’t you try for us?”
jc would normally lose his temper by now, but he just sinks into his pillows, eyes closing. “Wei-er, it’s not so simple.”
“Then tell me so I can make it simple!”
jc sighs. “It’s not something I can control. It’s not like I want this to happen. But it’s just the way things are.”
“Then tell me so I can make it simple!”
jc sighs. “It’s not something I can control. It’s not like I want this to happen. But it’s just the way things are.”
Jiang Wei cannot accept that. He storms out, brushing past lxc without another word.
lxc goes back inside to see jc sipping some water. He stands by the bed and jc raises an eyebrow at him.
“You can sit, you know. I feel like we’re past such niceties, don’t you think so?”
lxc goes back inside to see jc sipping some water. He stands by the bed and jc raises an eyebrow at him.
“You can sit, you know. I feel like we’re past such niceties, don’t you think so?”
lxc can feel his cheeks heat up as he sits on the edge. “Does it have anything to do with Guanyin Temple?”
jc’s eyes bore into him. “I think we both know what the problem is.”
lxc fidgets with the drape of his robes. “You could still stop it, you know. If you just accept it.”
jc’s eyes bore into him. “I think we both know what the problem is.”
lxc fidgets with the drape of his robes. “You could still stop it, you know. If you just accept it.”
“I have accepted it. That’s why it’s like this.”
“If you really have, you wouldn’t be rejecting it like this.”
“No, Zewu-jun. This was never something I wanted. I’ve accepted that everything I’ve achieved since the massacre is wwx’s and not mine.
“If you really have, you wouldn’t be rejecting it like this.”
“No, Zewu-jun. This was never something I wanted. I’ve accepted that everything I’ve achieved since the massacre is wwx’s and not mine.
All of Yunmeng, even jl, all that is mine only because wwx allowed it to be. What is the use of my existence?”
“You are not defined by your core,” lxc says. “All that you’ve achieved is still yours, and no one else’s. You’re so important to everyone at Yunmeng,
“You are not defined by your core,” lxc says. “All that you’ve achieved is still yours, and no one else’s. You’re so important to everyone at Yunmeng,
from your disciples to servants to the townspeople. They love you for you, not for your core.”
jc looks pained, but he frowns. He obviously disagrees, and lxc doesn’t know what he can say to change his mind. He knows himself that words don’t change anything.
jc looks pained, but he frowns. He obviously disagrees, and lxc doesn’t know what he can say to change his mind. He knows himself that words don’t change anything.
Perhaps there really is nothing he can do except for easing jc’s suffering through music.
Outside, a livid lqr arrives by sword. “Take me to lxc,” he demands, and the guards exchange looks before escorting him to the waiting hall.
Outside, a livid lqr arrives by sword. “Take me to lxc,” he demands, and the guards exchange looks before escorting him to the waiting hall.
lxc is informed of his uncle’s arrival, and leaves jc to greet him. “Shufu.”
“Xichen, what is the meaning of this?” lqr demands. “I knew you were wandering around cr with a child, but now you’re in Yunmeng? You’re supposed to be in seclusion! What sort of joke is this?!”
“Xichen, what is the meaning of this?” lqr demands. “I knew you were wandering around cr with a child, but now you’re in Yunmeng? You’re supposed to be in seclusion! What sort of joke is this?!”
“There is an urgent matter here requiring my assistance,” lxc says calmly.
“What is so urgent that it would take you from seclusion? Could you not send disciples? Jingyi and Sizhui are perfectly capable cultivators, and I know Wangji is here too.”
“What is so urgent that it would take you from seclusion? Could you not send disciples? Jingyi and Sizhui are perfectly capable cultivators, and I know Wangji is here too.”
“There are private matters between me and Sect Leader Jiang.”
“Private -!” lqr desperately hopes it’s not an illegitimate child.
“Shufu, I will not return until the matter is resolved.”
“And how long will that be?”
“As long as it takes.”
“Private -!” lqr desperately hopes it’s not an illegitimate child.
“Shufu, I will not return until the matter is resolved.”
“And how long will that be?”
“As long as it takes.”
lqr is so angry he’s ready to spit blood. lxc had gone into self-imposed seclusion - what sort of madness is this, for him to just up and leave without even telling anyone?
“Xichen, I hope you know what you’re doing. You have not been the best example of good decisions.”
“Xichen, I hope you know what you’re doing. You have not been the best example of good decisions.”
lxc stiffens. “I realise. I know what I’m doing.”
lqr shakes his head. He shouldn’t have to deal with any of this. He had never wanted any of this. It was never supposed to be his burden to bear. He did what he thought was best, for his family and for the sect,
lqr shakes his head. He shouldn’t have to deal with any of this. He had never wanted any of this. It was never supposed to be his burden to bear. He did what he thought was best, for his family and for the sect,
but he was supposed to be the spare, the supporting role, not the leader.
He hadn’t even wanted kids, though he had tried his best in his brother’s absence. But seeing his nephews now - how badly had he failed, that things are like this?
He hadn’t even wanted kids, though he had tried his best in his brother’s absence. But seeing his nephews now - how badly had he failed, that things are like this?
And now he’s gonna have to go back to cr and defend the leadership position all over again as lxc does whatever it is he’s doing right now, because it certainly isn’t being in the seclusion that he had wanted so badly. “Where is Sect Leader Jiang? I want to give my greetings.”
“Sect Leader Jiang is indisposed, but I will pass them on to him.”
lqr gives him a warning look. “Xichen, do not fall again into misplaced sympathy.”
lxc shakes his head. “No, shufu, this is different.”
lqr gives him a warning look. “Xichen, do not fall again into misplaced sympathy.”
lxc shakes his head. “No, shufu, this is different.”
lqr can’t even be bothered to protest. He suddenly feels so very old, and so very weary. He will have to deal with the elders again, and he is just so tired. “Do what you must, then.” jc will keep an eye on things, at least.
lxc sees lqr to the entrance, bowing as lqr flies off.
lxc sees lqr to the entrance, bowing as lqr flies off.
Back in cr, ljy is burning with curiosity. lsz is curious also, but he trusts that lwj and wwx will tell them eventually. When they hear that lxc has run away to lp in the middle of the night during his supposed seclusion, ljy is ready to explode at the lack of info.
(Let’s not call it gossip. It’s just info.)
So he writes to jl, asking if there’s something happening at lp or with his uncle that would need lxc.
jl is confused, cuz he hasn’t heard anything. Jiujiu’s recent letter was as usual, so jl had put off replying to it.
So he writes to jl, asking if there’s something happening at lp or with his uncle that would need lxc.
jl is confused, cuz he hasn’t heard anything. Jiujiu’s recent letter was as usual, so jl had put off replying to it.
He decides to go to lp instead of writing - he needs to see for himself what’s going on.
“Take me to jiujiu,” he demands as soon as he arrives.
He expects jc’s office or the training grounds, so he’s thrown when they’re at jc’s bedroom, door closed and music drifting through.
“Take me to jiujiu,” he demands as soon as he arrives.
He expects jc’s office or the training grounds, so he’s thrown when they’re at jc’s bedroom, door closed and music drifting through.
Well that solves the question of what lxc is doing in lp, but why is he here? Is jiujiu injured? Why did no one tell him?
“Jiujiu?” jl gives a perfunctory knock, not bothering to wait before he slides open the door.
“Jiujiu?” jl gives a perfunctory knock, not bothering to wait before he slides open the door.
The music stops abruptly, but jl doesn’t even notice as he trips over to jiujiu’s bedside. “Jiujiu?” His voice comes in a scared whisper.
His tall, strong uncle is unmoving under a thick blanket, looking so small as he sleeps.
His tall, strong uncle is unmoving under a thick blanket, looking so small as he sleeps.
jl’s breath catches in his throat. “Jiujiu?” He shakes him gently but there’s no response. “Jiujiu!”
“It’s alright.” jl looks over his shoulder to see lxc standing by him. “He’s just taken some meds.”
“What - what’s wrong with jiujiu? Why did no one tell me anything?”
“It’s alright.” jl looks over his shoulder to see lxc standing by him. “He’s just taken some meds.”
“What - what’s wrong with jiujiu? Why did no one tell me anything?”
lxc doesn’t know what to say. Certainly it’s not his decision to make. “I’ll keep playing, and we’ll see when he wakes.”
jl turns back to jc, holding his hand as a million thoughts go through his head. He’s just so confused.
jl turns back to jc, holding his hand as a million thoughts go through his head. He’s just so confused.
He knows how the sect closes rank around their leader, so there’s no point in calling for the SIC or TIC or Healer Yu. If jc ordered, then nothing would unseal their mouths.
Eventually jc stirs. “Hmm? Jin Ling? What are you doing here?”
Eventually jc stirs. “Hmm? Jin Ling? What are you doing here?”
lxc quietly slips out of the room, sliding the door closed silently.
“Jiujiu!” jl leans closer. “Why didn’t you tell me you’re sick?”
“Who said I’m sick?” jc asks, but when he struggles to sit up, a sliver of fear cuts through jl as he helps rearrange the pillows.
“Jiujiu!” jl leans closer. “Why didn’t you tell me you’re sick?”
“Who said I’m sick?” jc asks, but when he struggles to sit up, a sliver of fear cuts through jl as he helps rearrange the pillows.
“No one said.”
jc gives him A Look, but jl looks defiant.
“No one said! Everyone knows that Zewu-jun ran away to lp, so I came to see what happened.”
jc tsks. “Nosy brat.”
jc gives him A Look, but jl looks defiant.
“No one said! Everyone knows that Zewu-jun ran away to lp, so I came to see what happened.”
jc tsks. “Nosy brat.”
“Jiujiu, are you really ok?” His uncle is a force of nature, unstoppable and fierce. No one is stronger or more powerful than jiujiu, but now his hands shake as he rearranges the blanket over his lap. It’s all wrong.
“Jin Ling.” jc looks at him seriously, reaching up to stroke over his cheek.
jl doesn’t know what to do. His uncle is rarely so gentle.
“Jiujiu is a little unwell. You don’t need to worry. It’ll all be over soon.”
jl doesn’t know what to do. His uncle is rarely so gentle.
“Jiujiu is a little unwell. You don’t need to worry. It’ll all be over soon.”
jl doesn’t know how to feel about that. He should be reassured, but the heavy knot of anxiety in him just grows. “Is it serious? What’s wrong?”
jc sighs. “Jin Ling, did you abandon your duties? You’re sect leader now, you need to be more responsible.”
jc sighs. “Jin Ling, did you abandon your duties? You’re sect leader now, you need to be more responsible.”
“I am! Jiujiu is important!”
jc sinks against his pillows. How can he scold jl for this? “A-Ling.”
“I’m not leaving until you recover,” jl says stubbornly.
“You owe a duty to your sect.”
jc sinks against his pillows. How can he scold jl for this? “A-Ling.”
“I’m not leaving until you recover,” jl says stubbornly.
“You owe a duty to your sect.”
“I’ve been away for long stretches before. If jiujiu really is fine then you’ll get better soon and I’ll go back soon.”
jc doesn’t know what to do. He wants jl here, to spend this extra time with him, but he also doesn’t want jl to see him wither away.
jc doesn’t know what to do. He wants jl here, to spend this extra time with him, but he also doesn’t want jl to see him wither away.
“Tell me what sort of mischief you’ve been up to then.”
“Jiujiu! I’ve been good.” jl dives into a story about a recent night hunt he went on with his friends, and jc leans back, more focused on taking in the details of jl’s face than the story.
“Jiujiu! I’ve been good.” jl dives into a story about a recent night hunt he went on with his friends, and jc leans back, more focused on taking in the details of jl’s face than the story.
Jin Ling‘s gotten taller again. He’s broader also, and his voice is settling into its deep register. He‘s so much like jzx, but his eyes are all yanli’s.
“Jin Ling! You’re finally here!”
Trust wwx to come at all the wrong times.
“Senior Wei. What are you doing here?”
“Jin Ling! You’re finally here!”
Trust wwx to come at all the wrong times.
“Senior Wei. What are you doing here?”
“What took you so long? Look, you don’t need to worry, alright? jc’s gonna be fine. I’ll figure something out, I promise, I won’t let him die -“
“WEI WUXIAN!” jc is beyond furious.
jl turns huge, horrified eyes back to his jiujiu, who’s coughing. “Jiujiu?” His voice breaks.
“WEI WUXIAN!” jc is beyond furious.
jl turns huge, horrified eyes back to his jiujiu, who’s coughing. “Jiujiu?” His voice breaks.
wwx just looks confused. “You didn’t tell him? What’s he doing here then?”
“He’s my nephew you piece of shit!” jc is wheezing, jl rubbing his back. “Why can’t he be here!”
“Jiujiu, what’s happening?!” jl looks between jc and wwx, lost, as his eyes start filling with tears.
“He’s my nephew you piece of shit!” jc is wheezing, jl rubbing his back. “Why can’t he be here!”
“Jiujiu, what’s happening?!” jl looks between jc and wwx, lost, as his eyes start filling with tears.
“I...Jiang Cheng, Jin Ling, I didn’t mean to - I thought you’d told him - I didn’t know -“
“You never do!” Zidian gives off weak sparks. “Get the fuck out!”
wwx runs out, slamming the doors shut.
jl turns back to jc, and jc’s heart breaks at the look on jl’s face. “Jiujiu?”
“You never do!” Zidian gives off weak sparks. “Get the fuck out!”
wwx runs out, slamming the doors shut.
jl turns back to jc, and jc’s heart breaks at the look on jl’s face. “Jiujiu?”
jl turns back to jc, and jc’s heart breaks at the look on jl’s face. “Jiujiu?”
“A-Ling, don’t cry. Don’t listen to that bastard.”
“But you’re sick. You’re not well! Zewu-jun had to leave seclusion to play for you!” jl’s voice gets increasingly hysterical.
“A-Ling, don’t cry. Don’t listen to that bastard.”
“But you’re sick. You’re not well! Zewu-jun had to leave seclusion to play for you!” jl’s voice gets increasingly hysterical.
“Shh. A-Ling, breathe. It’s fine. You don’t need to be so worried.”
“Jiujiu!” jl wails, falling forward to hug jc.
“Silly boy, everything’s gonna be alright.” jc strokes over jl’s hair, holding him tight.
“Jiujiu!” jl wails, falling forward to hug jc.
“Silly boy, everything’s gonna be alright.” jc strokes over jl’s hair, holding him tight.
jl just cries harder. Has jiujiu always been so small? jl’s arms wrap easily around jc’s waist, and he has to bend down to tuck his face into jiujiu’s shoulder.
jc sits there calmly as jl cries all over him, soaking his robes through. “Shh, A-Ling, everything’s gonna be fine.”
jc sits there calmly as jl cries all over him, soaking his robes through. “Shh, A-Ling, everything’s gonna be fine.”
“No it’s not!” jl wails. “Nothing’s gonna be fine!”
jc huffs a breathy laugh. “A-Ling. Shh, come on. Where’s my grown up sect leader?”
It would normally stop jl’s sobs, but it’s no use now as jl keeps crying loudly. jc closes his eyes to hold in his own tears.
jc huffs a breathy laugh. “A-Ling. Shh, come on. Where’s my grown up sect leader?”
It would normally stop jl’s sobs, but it’s no use now as jl keeps crying loudly. jc closes his eyes to hold in his own tears.
The one thing he doesn’t want to let go of is jl, his precious nephew; the only family he has left. The baby that he cared for with his own two hands, strapped to his chest as he conducted his duties. The tiny toddler that held his hand as he tottered on unsteady feet.
The child that would run to him in tears and hide behind his robes from bullies. The headstrong teenager that was desperate to prove his worth but who kept looking back to make sure jiujiu was there behind him.
Ah, but his A-Ling is all grown up now. The events of the past year showed that well enough. He doesn’t need jiujiu for night hunts anymore, doesn’t need jiujiu to hold court for him in Lanling anymore, doesn’t need jiujiu to help in decisions anymore.
He’ll let jl be spoiled for now, because jl will be fine on his own.
When jl calms down, hiccuping as he lifts his head, jc wipes his face with his sleeve in practiced ease.
“Silly boy,” he chides. “This is not how a sect leader conducts himself.”
When jl calms down, hiccuping as he lifts his head, jc wipes his face with his sleeve in practiced ease.
“Silly boy,” he chides. “This is not how a sect leader conducts himself.”
“Well I’m a sect leader and this is how I conduct myself so this is how a sect leader conducts himself.”
jc would normally respond with a scolding, but he’s tired again, so he just rolls his eyes at jl’s petulance.
jc would normally respond with a scolding, but he’s tired again, so he just rolls his eyes at jl’s petulance.
“Jiujiu.” jl’s bottom lip trembles again. “What’s wrong? What illness do you have?”
“Something with my core,” jc says flippantly.
jl’s eyes flicker down to his abdomen. “Because...?” he whispers. Then his eyes widen.
“Something with my core,” jc says flippantly.
jl’s eyes flicker down to his abdomen. “Because...?” he whispers. Then his eyes widen.
“Did wwx do something to you? Is that why he’s here?! Is that why he said all those things?!”
“No, A-Ling.” jc tugs at jl’s hand. “He didnt do anything.”
“Then why did you tell him first? I’m your family.”
“I didn’t tell him anything. He just happened to find out.”
“No, A-Ling.” jc tugs at jl’s hand. “He didnt do anything.”
“Then why did you tell him first? I’m your family.”
“I didn’t tell him anything. He just happened to find out.”
That appeases jl somewhat. “And Zewu-jun?”
“Just happened to be involved when I was at cr.”
“You would’ve told me, right?” jl asks in a tiny voice.
“Of course. Just...” jc sighs. “Just not so soon.”
“Just happened to be involved when I was at cr.”
“You would’ve told me, right?” jl asks in a tiny voice.
“Of course. Just...” jc sighs. “Just not so soon.”
“Jiujiu is so selfish!” jl scowls. “How could you not tell me something so important?!”
“It’s not such a big deal, A-Ling. You would’ve been told when the time comes. But since you’re here now...” jc’s hand suddenly grips onto jl’s with surprising strength.
“It’s not such a big deal, A-Ling. You would’ve been told when the time comes. But since you’re here now...” jc’s hand suddenly grips onto jl’s with surprising strength.
jl looks down to see jc sliding zidian onto his finger, and his heart skips a beat as he jerks back, yanking his hand away, almost falling over as he stands and steps away from the bed.
“No! Jiujiu, no!”
jc’s fist is loosely open, Zidian sitting in the middle of his palm.
“No! Jiujiu, no!”
jc’s fist is loosely open, Zidian sitting in the middle of his palm.
“A-Ling, Zidian is no use to me like this.”
jl thinks of the weak sparks he saw earlier. “No! No, I won’t!”
“A-Ling.”
There’s so much unsaid in his name, and jc shakes his head violently. “I said no, jiujiu!”
jl thinks of the weak sparks he saw earlier. “No! No, I won’t!”
“A-Ling.”
There’s so much unsaid in his name, and jc shakes his head violently. “I said no, jiujiu!”
When jc sighs and Zidian is back on his finger, jl approaches again. “Jiujiu, you rest some more, ok? I’ll get Zewu-jun back to play for you, and I’ll go look for Healer Yu and wwx.”
jc gives a weak nod, and jl helps him lie down again.
jc gives a weak nod, and jl helps him lie down again.
“Rest now, jiujiu,” jl whispers as jc closes his eyes. He pulls the blanket up higher under jc’s chin. “I’ll be back in a bit.”
jl leaves the room with his chin lifted proudly, spine straight and shoulders back, just like jiujiu taught him.
jl leaves the room with his chin lifted proudly, spine straight and shoulders back, just like jiujiu taught him.
jl almost throws a fit when Healer Yu explains to him what is going on. He manages to keep his mouth shut enough to keep the secret of jc’s core, but the second he leaves the infirmary he demands to know where wwx is, storming over and barging in after banging on the door.
And then he loses his shit.
A haze falls over him; he doesn’t care that the door is still wide open and the corridors are filled with disciples, he is bubbling over with rage and grief that he’s going to lose the last family he has left.
A haze falls over him; he doesn’t care that the door is still wide open and the corridors are filled with disciples, he is bubbling over with rage and grief that he’s going to lose the last family he has left.
“wwx! It’s all your fault! If it wasn’t for you then jiujiu wouldn’t be sick!”
“Jin Ling...” wwx goes up to him, hands held out and lwj glaring just behind him. “I’m trying to save jc.”
“Jiujiu wouldn’t need saving if not for you!”
“Jin Ling...” wwx goes up to him, hands held out and lwj glaring just behind him. “I’m trying to save jc.”
“Jiujiu wouldn’t need saving if not for you!”
“Jin Ling, you don’t understand. I had to do it. jc was in such bad shape. There was no other way.”
“The other way would have been to tell him, you piece of shit! Instead of lying like a coward! You lied because you knew he didn’t want it so you forced him!”
“The other way would have been to tell him, you piece of shit! Instead of lying like a coward! You lied because you knew he didn’t want it so you forced him!”
“Jin Rulan, watch your words,” lwj says sternly.
“You will address me as Sect Leader Jin! I’ll speak as I wish! I speak the truth!” jl is shaking all over, he’s so angry. “wwx, you better find a cure, because you /owe/ it to him!”
“You will address me as Sect Leader Jin! I’ll speak as I wish! I speak the truth!” jl is shaking all over, he’s so angry. “wwx, you better find a cure, because you /owe/ it to him!”
lwj steps forward. “Jiang Wanyin should be grateful -“
“He should be grateful for nothing!!!” jl screams. “He owes you nothing! wwx, you’re the one that owes him!” He rounds in on lwj. “And you! You are not fit to speak his name! He is Sect Leader Jiang!”
“He should be grateful for nothing!!!” jl screams. “He owes you nothing! wwx, you’re the one that owes him!” He rounds in on lwj. “And you! You are not fit to speak his name! He is Sect Leader Jiang!”
At that point Jiang Rong enters the room, sliding himself in front of jl, blocking his view of wwx and lwj, holding jl gently by the arms. “A-Ling, don’t do this. Sect Leader wouldn’t want you to do this. Come now. He wants to see you again.”
“No!” jl shouts, and for some reason now that Rong-ge is here, tears suddenly appear. “No, I’m not done with them!”
“Come now, A-Ling,” Jiang Rong says firmly, herding jl towards the door. “Sect Leader wants to see you.”
jl looks around him. “Don’t think I’m done with you two!”
“Come now, A-Ling,” Jiang Rong says firmly, herding jl towards the door. “Sect Leader wants to see you.”
jl looks around him. “Don’t think I’m done with you two!”
“Come on, A-Ling.” Jiang Rong keeps his voice low and calm, and when he gets jl to turn and leave, he wraps an arm around jl’s shoulders as jl breaks into heaving sobs, stomping away as he wipes his face roughly with his sleeves.
lwj is livid. “What a loathsome, ill-bred boy.”
lwj is livid. “What a loathsome, ill-bred boy.”
“Don’t, Lan Zhan,” wwx says. “He’s an orphan because of me.”
“Wei Ying didn’t kill his parents.”
wwx doesn’t answer.
“Wei Ying. We should leave.”
“No,” wwx says stubbornly. “No, I’m not leaving.” He’s abandoned jc too many times already.
“Wei Ying didn’t kill his parents.”
wwx doesn’t answer.
“Wei Ying. We should leave.”
“No,” wwx says stubbornly. “No, I’m not leaving.” He’s abandoned jc too many times already.
“I don’t understand why you still want to stay for someone who cares nothing for you.”
“That’s not true and you know it,” wwx says sharply. “I’m not leaving, Lan Zhan.”
lwj doesn’t answer. wwx slams down a stack of books onto his desk, picking one to start reading.
“That’s not true and you know it,” wwx says sharply. “I’m not leaving, Lan Zhan.”
lwj doesn’t answer. wwx slams down a stack of books onto his desk, picking one to start reading.
jl calms down a bit as he’s taken to the inner courtyards, still sniffling when he enters jc’s room with Jiang Rong.
lxc is playing quietly on the other side of the room. This old room of jc’s is too small to divide with a privacy screen, but jc doesn’t mind if lxc overhears.
lxc is playing quietly on the other side of the room. This old room of jc’s is too small to divide with a privacy screen, but jc doesn’t mind if lxc overhears.
“A-Ling. Who made you cry?” jc is lying down in bed, eyes barely open.
“Jiujiu,” jl mumbles, kneeling next to the bed to be closer to jc. The familiar phrase brings fresh tears. “You don’t need wwx. I’ll get the best healers from Lanling. We can do this without him, jiujiu.”
“Jiujiu,” jl mumbles, kneeling next to the bed to be closer to jc. The familiar phrase brings fresh tears. “You don’t need wwx. I’ll get the best healers from Lanling. We can do this without him, jiujiu.”
“No,” jc sighs out. “I don’t want anyone outside of lp to know. Just leave wwx here if he wants.”
“Jiujiu!”
“A-Ling. He’s not doing any harm being here. Let him be.”
jl pouts but jc just reaches up and pinches his cheek weakly.
“Jiujiu!”
“A-Ling. He’s not doing any harm being here. Let him be.”
jl pouts but jc just reaches up and pinches his cheek weakly.
“I don’t want you upset, A-Ling. I want to spend the rest of our time together happily.”
jl nods, hugging jc’s hand to himself.
“Just avoid him if you don’t want to see him.”
jl nods again. “Jiujiu, rest more. You don’t need to worry about me.”
jl nods, hugging jc’s hand to himself.
“Just avoid him if you don’t want to see him.”
jl nods again. “Jiujiu, rest more. You don’t need to worry about me.”
Now that he’s calmer, jl realises his tantrum caused enough commotion that jc forced himself out of rest to talk to him.
“Silly boy,” jc sighs out, eyes closing. “I will always worry about you.”
jl doesn’t respond, just squeezes jc’s hand tighter. His entire chest hurts.
“Silly boy,” jc sighs out, eyes closing. “I will always worry about you.”
jl doesn’t respond, just squeezes jc’s hand tighter. His entire chest hurts.
“Jiujiu, sleep some more.”
“Mn. Tell me more about the trouble you’ve been getting into.”
“Jiujiu, I told you already, I’ve been good. You gotta get better soon and then I can show you how much I’ve improved with the bow.”
“Mn.”
“Mn. Tell me more about the trouble you’ve been getting into.”
“Jiujiu, I told you already, I’ve been good. You gotta get better soon and then I can show you how much I’ve improved with the bow.”
“Mn.”
“I called to have my stuff sent over. Fairy’s coming too. Jingyi says she’s getting too fat but I don’t think so. Tell me what you think later.”
“...Mn.”
“Zizhen still quotes Teacher Lan’s lessons from his year of study. Remember you said you would ask if
“...Mn.”
“Zizhen still quotes Teacher Lan’s lessons from his year of study. Remember you said you would ask if
Teacher Lan could give me a few private lectures?”
“...”
jl’s eyes blur with tears again. Oh god it feels like he hasn’t stopped crying since he arrived. “Jiujiu?” he whispers.
jc is so still. But if jl leans in he can hear jc’s slow breaths under the soft music still playing.
“...”
jl’s eyes blur with tears again. Oh god it feels like he hasn’t stopped crying since he arrived. “Jiujiu?” he whispers.
jc is so still. But if jl leans in he can hear jc’s slow breaths under the soft music still playing.
“Sect Leader Jin?”
jl spins around. Oh. He forgot about lxc. “Zewu-jun.” He wipes his sleeve across his nose. “Thank you for helping my jiujiu.”
“It’s the very least I could do.”
jl watches lxc play some more, still holding jc’s hand, though now he shifts to sit on the bed.
jl spins around. Oh. He forgot about lxc. “Zewu-jun.” He wipes his sleeve across his nose. “Thank you for helping my jiujiu.”
“It’s the very least I could do.”
jl watches lxc play some more, still holding jc’s hand, though now he shifts to sit on the bed.
What had happened at cr between jc and lxc that would bring lxc to lp? “I didn’t know you were so close with jiujiu.”
“It’s a fairly new development.”
“How new?”
lxc pauses. “Perhaps a couple months, if that.”
“It’s a fairly new development.”
“How new?”
lxc pauses. “Perhaps a couple months, if that.”
“That’s not very long.” jl looks at him suspiciously. “We were all under the impression that Sect Leader Lan has been in seclusion for the past year.”
“Yes,” lxc says simply.
jl is itching to know more. “So is this seclusion?” he asks bluntly.
“Yes,” lxc says simply.
jl is itching to know more. “So is this seclusion?” he asks bluntly.
But lxc smiles a gentle smile. “I’m not quite sure anymore. Probably not.” He doesn’t find himself put off by jl’s attitude. Teenagers are just like that, and jgy had always indulged him.
The thought brings a twinge of old hurt.
The thought brings a twinge of old hurt.
lxc had never been a fan of jc’s discipline, though jl had always responded well to it despite talking back the entire time. The two are so alike, in personality but also in looks. jc may think that jl resembles jzx, but in all honesty, uncle and nephew could pass for brothers.
There’s no doubt that without jc, jl wouldn’t even be half the cultivator he is now. jgy had let jl run wild at koi tower, allowing him to skip classes and training as he wished, giving him anything he demanded in abundance.
lxc had always seen that as evidence of jgy’s genuine love for jl, a way of compensating for lost parents and a harsh uncle.
But now, looking at jl by jc’s side, a cold chill runs through him instead.
Overindulgence can ruin a child just as much as over-discipline.
But now, looking at jl by jc’s side, a cold chill runs through him instead.
Overindulgence can ruin a child just as much as over-discipline.
Had that been jgy’s plan all along, to wrest power from the proper heir? A useless jl would never be accepted as sect leader, or would never be more than a pretty figurehead.
lxc cannot find it in himself to smile anymore, eyes fixed on Suihua leaning against jc’s bed.
lxc cannot find it in himself to smile anymore, eyes fixed on Suihua leaning against jc’s bed.
jl’s sword style has always been decidedly more Jiang than Jin.
Luckily, jl isn’t paying him any more attention, turning back to his uncle and fixing the hair around his face. They are the two that love each other most in the world, lxc is sure of that.
Luckily, jl isn’t paying him any more attention, turning back to his uncle and fixing the hair around his face. They are the two that love each other most in the world, lxc is sure of that.
Eventually jl shifts to lie down on the bed, curling up against jc for a nap, and lxc keeps playing on numb fingers until the day melts away.
Just before dinner, there’s a light knock before wwx peeks his head in, gaze falling on jc and jl before turning to lxc. “Can I come in?”
Just before dinner, there’s a light knock before wwx peeks his head in, gaze falling on jc and jl before turning to lxc. “Can I come in?”
lxc smiles but doesn’t answer.
wwx inches in, tiptoeing over to the bed. “How are they?”
“About as well as expected.”
wwx sighs. He leans over, inspecting their sleeping faces. “I’m not gonna give up,” he says. “I’ll find a way.”
wwx inches in, tiptoeing over to the bed. “How are they?”
“About as well as expected.”
wwx sighs. He leans over, inspecting their sleeping faces. “I’m not gonna give up,” he says. “I’ll find a way.”
There’s no use in telling me, lxc wants to say. Instead he asks, “How’s Wangji?”
“Mad. He wants to leave.”
lxc remembers the disciple running in to shake jc awake, that jl was heading to wwx primed for a fight.
“Mad. He wants to leave.”
lxc remembers the disciple running in to shake jc awake, that jl was heading to wwx primed for a fight.
“Get Jiang Rong,” jc had slurred out, his nephew’s name tearing him from sleep. “Send Jin Ling to me.”
Whatever had gone down between jl and them could not possibly have been pleasant.
Whatever had gone down between jl and them could not possibly have been pleasant.
“If Wangji cannot suffer lp’s hospitality, then perhaps he should return to cr. I have been lacking in my responsibilities as of late, but he is still able to aid shufu.”
To those that don’t know lxc, they would find it a fairly innocuous suggestion.
To those that don’t know lxc, they would find it a fairly innocuous suggestion.
To those that do, it’s practically a declaration of war.
“You know Lan Zhan wouldn’t do that,” wwx says, unthinking. “He wouldn’t leave me here alone.”
“Indeed. Not for his sect or for his family.”
wwx understands the insult now, but he feels indignant.
“You know Lan Zhan wouldn’t do that,” wwx says, unthinking. “He wouldn’t leave me here alone.”
“Indeed. Not for his sect or for his family.”
wwx understands the insult now, but he feels indignant.
They’re in love, they’re married, what’s wrong with being together? Why would they separate themselves for any length of time?
wwx hums, leaning over for one more look at jc and jl. “Lan Zhan is my husband now. Perhaps you should let us make marital decisions on our own.”
wwx hums, leaning over for one more look at jc and jl. “Lan Zhan is my husband now. Perhaps you should let us make marital decisions on our own.”
lxc’s lips thin. He knows he’s not the best sect leader, but he’s always tried not to be selfish. Seclusion was really the only thing purely for himself and not for sect or family, whether in whole or in part.
wwx turns to leave. “I’ll return when jc’s awake.”
wwx turns to leave. “I’ll return when jc’s awake.”
lxc doesn’t bid him goodbye, plucking harder at the strings in irritation.
Things do not improve the next day. jl flat out bans wwx from entering jc’s room, barely holding back on shouting to keep from disturbing jc.
Things do not improve the next day. jl flat out bans wwx from entering jc’s room, barely holding back on shouting to keep from disturbing jc.
wwx looks half a second away from fighting back, but somehow he manages to stop himself and leave quietly.
When jc wakes before lunch, jl can only hover as Jiang Rong and Jiang Wei whisper to jc. lxc doesn’t take offence; sect matters should stay private.
When jc wakes before lunch, jl can only hover as Jiang Rong and Jiang Wei whisper to jc. lxc doesn’t take offence; sect matters should stay private.
jc gives his orders quietly before his SIC and TIC leave. jl takes over then, spilling a long series of questions at jc, who just waits until jl is finished before saying simply, “I’m fine. Lemme talk to Zewu-jun for a moment.”
jl pouts but moves back so lxc can take his spot.
jl pouts but moves back so lxc can take his spot.
“In private, A-Ling.”
jl squints suspiciously, looking from jc to lxc several times before agreeing and stepping out of the room. lxc can see his shadow through the door, pacing back and forth.
“Zewu-jun,” jc says weakly.
jl squints suspiciously, looking from jc to lxc several times before agreeing and stepping out of the room. lxc can see his shadow through the door, pacing back and forth.
“Zewu-jun,” jc says weakly.
“Sect Leader Jiang.” Up close, lxc cannot tell if jc has improved or not. He’s still pale, eyes heavy and unfocused.
“Zewu-jun, Jin Ling is here now.”
“Yes?” lxc has no idea what that means.
“You saw how he was yesterday.”
“...Yes.” lxc does not like where this is going.
“Zewu-jun, Jin Ling is here now.”
“Yes?” lxc has no idea what that means.
“You saw how he was yesterday.”
“...Yes.” lxc does not like where this is going.
“I don’t want to make it harder for him. I don’t want to drag it out for weeks or months or even years. You can stay and play forever, but the fact is I will continue declining.”
“No.” lxc shakes his head. “I cannot do what you’re asking of me. I cannot give up for you.”
“No.” lxc shakes his head. “I cannot do what you’re asking of me. I cannot give up for you.”
“Zewu-jun,” jc sighs, and lxc hates how defeated he sounds.
“Sect Leader Jiang, you so are beloved by everyone here. Please do not do this to them.”
“I don’t know how to stop it.” jc’s eyes close again. “Even when I focus on cycling energy, I can still feel it disappearing.”
“Sect Leader Jiang, you so are beloved by everyone here. Please do not do this to them.”
“I don’t know how to stop it.” jc’s eyes close again. “Even when I focus on cycling energy, I can still feel it disappearing.”
“It’s your subconscious.”
jc’s eyes shine when they open again. “How are we supposed to change that, Zewu-jun?”
lxc is quiet. “I wish I knew as well.”
“Zewu-jun...Lan Xichen. We don’t know each other well, but I think we both know what suffering is.”
lxc can’t breathe.
jc’s eyes shine when they open again. “How are we supposed to change that, Zewu-jun?”
lxc is quiet. “I wish I knew as well.”
“Zewu-jun...Lan Xichen. We don’t know each other well, but I think we both know what suffering is.”
lxc can’t breathe.
“Don’t keep me suffering like this,” jc whispers.
“I...” lxc doesn’t know how to respond. “I can’t,” he says weakly, stumbling back from the bed. “I’m sorry, I can’t.”
His hands shake as he slides the door open. His heart is pounding so hard he can feel it in his throat.
“I...” lxc doesn’t know how to respond. “I can’t,” he says weakly, stumbling back from the bed. “I’m sorry, I can’t.”
His hands shake as he slides the door open. His heart is pounding so hard he can feel it in his throat.
He needs to get away, eyes unseeing as he stumbles around lp. Somehow he finds himself by the water. A long pier stretches into the lake, and lxc stands there for a while before he walks down it.
He doesn’t know how to save jc, or else he would have saved himself along the way.
He doesn’t know how to save jc, or else he would have saved himself along the way.
lxc sits at the end of the pier, dangling his legs off the side. The sound of the water calms him, and lxc watches the gentle waves for a long, long while.
At sunset, lxc returns to jc’s room, where jl is keeping watch over a sleeping jc.
At sunset, lxc returns to jc’s room, where jl is keeping watch over a sleeping jc.
“Zewu-jun,” he says stiffly. “I didn’t expect you to be gone all afternoon.” The worst thing is that jl can’t even be mad at him for it, cuz this is such a huge favour from lxc.
jl’s voice wakes jc, who waves jl away again.
“Zewu-jun, I have asked too much of you. Forgive me.”
jl’s voice wakes jc, who waves jl away again.
“Zewu-jun, I have asked too much of you. Forgive me.”
“There is nothing to forgive. Sect Leader Jiang...Jiang Wanyin.”
The name sharpens the look in jc’s eyes, so unfamiliar to him. He had been a sect leader at 17, with no friends or allies. There has been no one to call him this name since then.
The name sharpens the look in jc’s eyes, so unfamiliar to him. He had been a sect leader at 17, with no friends or allies. There has been no one to call him this name since then.
“You do not need to apologise for wanting to retain agency of your life. But Jiang Wanyin...you are needed here.“
jc sighs. “Zewu-jun, after all you’ve been through, you are still a gentle soul. I’m glad.”
jc sighs. “Zewu-jun, after all you’ve been through, you are still a gentle soul. I’m glad.”
That doesn’t have anything to do with this, lxc wants to say, because it’s not him looking through rose-coloured lens, it’s something he knows to be grounded in reality.
“Let me stay and play for you,” lxc says instead.
“Let me stay and play for you,” lxc says instead.
jc looks up at him, at lxc’s earnest face. lxc honestly believes what he’s saying, jc can tell.
Ah, he’s really getting too soft.
“I can’t stop you, Zewu-jun.”
“Please, Lan Xichen is fine. I feel like we’re past such niceties,” he says,
Ah, he’s really getting too soft.
“I can’t stop you, Zewu-jun.”
“Please, Lan Xichen is fine. I feel like we’re past such niceties,” he says,
and jc huffs out a small laugh, his own words echoing back at him.
“Indeed.”
“How are you feeling?” lxc asks. “Please don’t say you’re fine, because I know you’re not.”
jc laughs again, a slight breathy thing. “Honestly, like shit. Like I’ve been trampled by a herd of horses.”
“Indeed.”
“How are you feeling?” lxc asks. “Please don’t say you’re fine, because I know you’re not.”
jc laughs again, a slight breathy thing. “Honestly, like shit. Like I’ve been trampled by a herd of horses.”
lxc is horrified.
“But...” jc sighs. “Your music does help. I’m not so dizzy when I’m awake, and I’m not so very exhausted.”
lxc can feel his shoulders relax. Prolonging this might be painful to jc, but it buys them more time to find a solution.
“But...” jc sighs. “Your music does help. I’m not so dizzy when I’m awake, and I’m not so very exhausted.”
lxc can feel his shoulders relax. Prolonging this might be painful to jc, but it buys them more time to find a solution.
“Jiang Wanyin...please don’t give up yet. There is still so much of life left to live.”
“Lan Xichen, is that the answer you’ve reached in seclusion?”
Well. Actually, no. lxc never thought about it for himself, because he’s not the one that deserves it.
“Lan Xichen, is that the answer you’ve reached in seclusion?”
Well. Actually, no. lxc never thought about it for himself, because he’s not the one that deserves it.
And it seems like jc knows too. “If I’m deserving, so are you.”
Somehow, despite the situation, lxc returns the smile. “We’re in quite the quandary then, aren’t we?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Lan Xichen.” His name sounds good coming from jc. “It was never a question for you.”
Somehow, despite the situation, lxc returns the smile. “We’re in quite the quandary then, aren’t we?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Lan Xichen.” His name sounds good coming from jc. “It was never a question for you.”
“Isn’t it?” lxc scratches at the rich brocade of jc’s thick blanket. “Sometimes being a good person is the worst thing you can be. There’s still the capacity to cause so much harm and pain and destruction, but even worse because you’re blind to all of it.”
jc doesn’t tiptoe around the issue. “jgy was a master manipulator and an all-around asshole. That’s not on you.”
This isn’t exactly the ideal time to bring it up, not when jc is bedridden. But... “I just wonder. About the end. You know.”
This isn’t exactly the ideal time to bring it up, not when jc is bedridden. But... “I just wonder. About the end. You know.”
jc scoffs, turning his face away slightly. “He never thought of harming you because you were only useful alive.“
“He pushed me away.”
“And now he’s succeeded in being the only thing you will obsess over for the rest of your life.
“He pushed me away.”
“And now he’s succeeded in being the only thing you will obsess over for the rest of your life.
No one will ever take his place at the forefront of your thoughts, no one will ever be as important as he is to you. Isn’t that so much better than dragging you to die with him?”
lxc can’t breathe.
jc sighs. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t speak of your fated one this way.”
lxc can’t breathe.
jc sighs. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t speak of your fated one this way.”
lxc is numb. Even his lips are numb as he speaks. “Who said he was my fated one?”
“Wasn’t he?” jc asks blandly. “You’re in seclusion because of him, aren’t you?”
“Well.” lxc feels intensely uncomfortable with the assessment that, while true, also isn’t exactly true.
“Wasn’t he?” jc asks blandly. “You’re in seclusion because of him, aren’t you?”
“Well.” lxc feels intensely uncomfortable with the assessment that, while true, also isn’t exactly true.
“I’m sorry,” jc says again. “I shouldn’t judge. I mean, look at me now. What right do I have?”
“No. I see what you’re saying. And you’re right. He’s succeeded.” lxc laughs wetly, tears stinging his eyes. “This past year...I’ve thought of nothing but him and our time together.”
“No. I see what you’re saying. And you’re right. He’s succeeded.” lxc laughs wetly, tears stinging his eyes. “This past year...I’ve thought of nothing but him and our time together.”
“It’s not wrong to mourn a loved one,” jc says gently. “It’s not so simple to just say he’s a terrible person and doesn’t deserve it. You had real feelings, all valid.”
lxc sniffs but doesn’t answer, not meeting jc’s eyes as he scratches at jc’s blanket again.
lxc sniffs but doesn’t answer, not meeting jc’s eyes as he scratches at jc’s blanket again.
Eventually he lifts his gaze to see that jc has closed his eyes, dozing.
jc is wrong. lxc had loved jgy very much, but he was not his fated one. lxc had never felt the urge to give him his ribbon, had never wanted jgy to even touch it.
“Jiang Wanyin?” he whispers.
jc is wrong. lxc had loved jgy very much, but he was not his fated one. lxc had never felt the urge to give him his ribbon, had never wanted jgy to even touch it.
“Jiang Wanyin?” he whispers.
jc’s breathing is deep and soft.
“Thank you,” lxc breathes out. He stands from the bed, smoothing out his robes before going to find jl. There’s still time before dinner, and lxc wants to play the qin some more.
“Thank you,” lxc breathes out. He stands from the bed, smoothing out his robes before going to find jl. There’s still time before dinner, and lxc wants to play the qin some more.
=====
“I’m here whether you like it or not and you can’t do anything about it!”
lxc pauses at wwx’s familiar shout.
“I can stop you from bothering jiujiu and making things even worse!”
“I’m here whether you like it or not and you can’t do anything about it!”
lxc pauses at wwx’s familiar shout.
“I can stop you from bothering jiujiu and making things even worse!”
Oh no. lxc sighs, rushing to jc’s room. It’s still early in the morning, not long after breakfast, and lp hasn’t woken to its usual liveliness yet.
“I’m trying to save him!” wwx screams.
“No one needs you to!” jl screams back. “You’re not wanted and you’re not needed!”
“I’m trying to save him!” wwx screams.
“No one needs you to!” jl screams back. “You’re not wanted and you’re not needed!”
lxc slides open jc’s door, barely giving a glance to jl and wwx facing off each other cuz the only thing he can see is jc pushing himself up from the bed. “Jiang Wanyin!” He rushes over and wraps an arm around him.
jl spins around and gasps, going to jc’s other side
jl spins around and gasps, going to jc’s other side
and holding his arm. “Jiujiu, you shouldn’t be out of bed!”
“Enough,” jc says. “Both of you, enough.” He’s shaking on his feet so lxc tightens his grip, shifting more of jc’s weight against his own body. jc is too thin; lxc’s hand is already enough to encompass jc’s waist.
“Enough,” jc says. “Both of you, enough.” He’s shaking on his feet so lxc tightens his grip, shifting more of jc’s weight against his own body. jc is too thin; lxc’s hand is already enough to encompass jc’s waist.
“Jin Ling, wwx is a guest of lp, and you will treat him as such.”
“But jiujiu!”
jc’s glare has lost none of its potency, and jl pouts hugely but lowers his head obediently.
“wwx, I keep telling you to go out and have some fun.”
“But jiujiu!”
jc’s glare has lost none of its potency, and jl pouts hugely but lowers his head obediently.
“wwx, I keep telling you to go out and have some fun.”
“I’m not leaving until you’re cured,” wwx says stubbornly, crossing his arms.
jc sighs. “Do whatever you want. At least you can’t do any more harm.”
“Jiujiu, I told you we don’t need him!”
“Whether or not he’s needed remains to be seen,” jc says calmly.
jc sighs. “Do whatever you want. At least you can’t do any more harm.”
“Jiujiu, I told you we don’t need him!”
“Whether or not he’s needed remains to be seen,” jc says calmly.
There’s a complicated look on wwx’s face, but lxc doesn’t think much on it as jc’s legs give way. He doesn’t think twice before lifting jc into a carry, turning back to the bed and gently setting him down onto it.
“You should be resting,” lxc says quietly.
“You should be resting,” lxc says quietly.
“Who could rest with those two around?” jc scowls, allowing jl to tuck the blanket around him again.
“Jin Ling, don’t think you can slack off while you’re here. I want you on the field with Jiang Feng every morning for training.”
“But jiujiu!”
“No buts.”
“Jin Ling, don’t think you can slack off while you’re here. I want you on the field with Jiang Feng every morning for training.”
“But jiujiu!”
“No buts.”
“What if something happens when I’m gone?” jl’s lower lip wobbles, and jc’s entire face softens.
“That’s not gonna happen and you know it. And if something does happen you’ll be the first to know.”
“Don’t wanna,” jl whines.
“That’s not gonna happen and you know it. And if something does happen you’ll be the first to know.”
“Don’t wanna,” jl whines.
“Go,” jc says sharply. “Right now. You already slacked off the whole of yesterday.”
“I was doing things,” jl huffs.
“You were slacking,” jc says. “Go. Now.”
“Fine. But I’m coming back for lunch and I’m not doing anything afterwards.”
jc waves a hand. “Stop being lazy!”
“I was doing things,” jl huffs.
“You were slacking,” jc says. “Go. Now.”
“Fine. But I’m coming back for lunch and I’m not doing anything afterwards.”
jc waves a hand. “Stop being lazy!”
jl flounces off with a jingle of his hair beads.
“Wei Wuxian.”
wwx inches closer to the bed, where lxc is fixing the blanket around jc, smoothing out jl’s clumsy attempt. “Jiang Cheng,” he says. “You shouldn’t give up yet. I promised you, didn’t I?”
“I have no expectations.”
“Wei Wuxian.”
wwx inches closer to the bed, where lxc is fixing the blanket around jc, smoothing out jl’s clumsy attempt. “Jiang Cheng,” he says. “You shouldn’t give up yet. I promised you, didn’t I?”
“I have no expectations.”
Why would he, towards someone that gave him promises over and over again, pulling his hopes up only to break all of them and leave him behind each time?
“Jiang Cheng, trust me. I’ll figure out a way.”
“Do as you wish,” jc says, eyes closed and not bothering to look at him.
“Jiang Cheng, trust me. I’ll figure out a way.”
“Do as you wish,” jc says, eyes closed and not bothering to look at him.
“If you must see me, come when jl is in training. I don’t want him upset.”
“Right. Yeah, of course. Don’t worry about it.” wwx stands there some more, but jc doesn’t say anything else. “Well. I’ll just. Leave you in Lan da-ge’s capable hands then.”
“Right. Yeah, of course. Don’t worry about it.” wwx stands there some more, but jc doesn’t say anything else. “Well. I’ll just. Leave you in Lan da-ge’s capable hands then.”
lxc smiles blandly at wwx, who leaves the room oddly unsettled but unable to say why.
lxc sits by the bed. “You’re quite energetic today.”
“I just took the meds; it’ll be a little while before they start to take,” jc says, the back of his hand coming up to cover a small yawn.
lxc sits by the bed. “You’re quite energetic today.”
“I just took the meds; it’ll be a little while before they start to take,” jc says, the back of his hand coming up to cover a small yawn.
lxc stares at the loose curl of his fingers, gaze sweeping up to see jc blinking teary eyes.
A sudden heat flares across lxc’s cheeks as his heart skips a beat.
“You’re here early,” jc says.
A sudden heat flares across lxc’s cheeks as his heart skips a beat.
“You’re here early,” jc says.
“Yes, well, I thought I’d try to come earlier to help prevent yesterday’s confrontation, but it appears I was still too late today.”
“Nah, it’s hard to time these things. Jin Ling eats here, and who knows what sort of time wwx keeps.”
“Indeed.”
“Nah, it’s hard to time these things. Jin Ling eats here, and who knows what sort of time wwx keeps.”
“Indeed.”
lxc inspects jc’s face some more. There’s been no change, and lxc knows it’s only been a few days, but he can’t deny he had hoped for some improvement.
“You look disappointed.” jc raises an eyebrow. “Am I not pretty enough for you?”
“You look disappointed.” jc raises an eyebrow. “Am I not pretty enough for you?”
“No, that’s not it,” lxc protests without thinking. “Just...I had hoped the music would have helped more.”
“You’re helping.” jc’s smile is faint but there. His blinks are getting heavier, eyes taking on an unfocused sheen.
“Get some rest,” lxc whispers instead. “I’ll be here.”
“You’re helping.” jc’s smile is faint but there. His blinks are getting heavier, eyes taking on an unfocused sheen.
“Get some rest,” lxc whispers instead. “I’ll be here.”
“...Mn.”
lxc watches as jc’s breaths turn deep and even. It’s better than the shallow breaths from before, but that’s it.
lxc sits down resolutely at his qin. If it’s not enough, then he’ll just put more spiritual energy into the music.
lxc watches as jc’s breaths turn deep and even. It’s better than the shallow breaths from before, but that’s it.
lxc sits down resolutely at his qin. If it’s not enough, then he’ll just put more spiritual energy into the music.
A jingling bell catches lxc’s attention sometime late morning, and he watches curiously as the door slides open awkwardly and Fairy steps in through the gap, closing the door after herself with a hind paw.
She gives him a look before heading to jc, climbing onto the bed and lying down next to him against the wall, head up and alert.
“You’re a very good girl, aren’t you, Fairy?” lxc says, and Fairy looks at him, tongue lolling out. “Are you here to look after Jiang Wanyin?”
“You’re a very good girl, aren’t you, Fairy?” lxc says, and Fairy looks at him, tongue lolling out. “Are you here to look after Jiang Wanyin?”
Fairy gives a soft woof. She touches her nose to jc’s jaw and neck before lifting her head again. She remains alert as lxc continues to play, sniffing jc every now and then to check on him.
Even with the extra spiritual energy, jc sleeps until lunch, when jl comes back from
Even with the extra spiritual energy, jc sleeps until lunch, when jl comes back from
training and nags jc into eating more than just a bite of his food.
Sometime in the afternoon, Jiang Wei comes in with a baby girl, dressed in disciple robes over her diaper and her wispy hair tied into a fountain on the top of her head.
Sometime in the afternoon, Jiang Wei comes in with a baby girl, dressed in disciple robes over her diaper and her wispy hair tied into a fountain on the top of her head.
jl goes up to them, cooing at the baby before he turns to lxc. “Zewu-jun, have you met Wei-ge’s daughter Lizhu?”
lxc smiles. “I haven’t yet had the pleasure.”
“His wife is due soon too! And then we’ll see if Xiao Zhu is gonna have a little sister or a little brother.”
lxc smiles. “I haven’t yet had the pleasure.”
“His wife is due soon too! And then we’ll see if Xiao Zhu is gonna have a little sister or a little brother.”
The baby has her hand wrapped around jl’s finger, who looks delighted as she waves it around.
Jiang Wei somehow manages to look severely unimpressed over the top of Lizhu’s head as he glowers towards lxc, not bothering with a proper greeting.
Jiang Wei somehow manages to look severely unimpressed over the top of Lizhu’s head as he glowers towards lxc, not bothering with a proper greeting.
lxc doesn’t mind; he’s formed a pretty picture in his head, of Jiang Wei and his pregnant wife playing with their baby daughter, all in Yunmeng Jiang robes.
“I brought her here to see Sect Leader,” Jiang Wei says, sitting at the edge of the bed.
“I brought her here to see Sect Leader,” Jiang Wei says, sitting at the edge of the bed.
“It’s been so long since Sect Leader has seen her. She’s grown so much.” And maybe he’ll be reminded of things in life to look forward to, he doesn’t say.
Fairy woofs, and Lizhu gives a delighted shriek as she sinks a hand into Fairy’s fur.
“Hm?”
“Jiujiu!”
“Sect Leader!”
Fairy woofs, and Lizhu gives a delighted shriek as she sinks a hand into Fairy’s fur.
“Hm?”
“Jiujiu!”
“Sect Leader!”
lxc perks up also, though his view of the bed is obscured by jl and Jiang Wei.
“Lizhu, is that you, baby girl?” jc sounds hoarse as he’s helped into a sitting position.
“Gah!” she says excitedly, Jiang Wei handing her over.
“Ah, Xiao Zhu, you’re so heavy now.”
“Lizhu, is that you, baby girl?” jc sounds hoarse as he’s helped into a sitting position.
“Gah!” she says excitedly, Jiang Wei handing her over.
“Ah, Xiao Zhu, you’re so heavy now.”
jc doesn’t have the strength to hold her for more than a bare second, setting her down in his lap as she yanks on his hair.
lxc is still amazed at the length of jc’s hair. How does he manage to keep it all in a bun? Right now it’s falling over his shoulder in a loose braid,
lxc is still amazed at the length of jc’s hair. How does he manage to keep it all in a bun? Right now it’s falling over his shoulder in a loose braid,
the end pooling in his lap.
“Hey, Lan Xichen.”
“Hm?”
Jiang Wei narrows his eyes as he looks between jc and lxc. When had they gotten close enough to call each other by their name?
“Take a break. I can feel the energy you’re putting into it.”
“Hey, Lan Xichen.”
“Hm?”
Jiang Wei narrows his eyes as he looks between jc and lxc. When had they gotten close enough to call each other by their name?
“Take a break. I can feel the energy you’re putting into it.”
lxc just smiles but he does stop, going to make a pot of tea as he listens to them chat around jc’s bed.
Eventually Lizhu needs her diaper changed so Jiang Wei has to run off, leaving jl and Fairy.
jl looks between jc and lxc a few times. He pulls a face,
Eventually Lizhu needs her diaper changed so Jiang Wei has to run off, leaving jl and Fairy.
jl looks between jc and lxc a few times. He pulls a face,
and lxc doesn’t want to know what sort of conclusion jl’s reached when he announces he’s taking Fairy on a Very Long Walk, giving lxc a suspicious look before leaving him alone with jc.
lxc sits by the bed. “How are you feeling?”
lxc sits by the bed. “How are you feeling?”
“Still tired. I know you’re putting more spiritual energy into your playing, but you shouldn’t.”
“I’ll be fine.”
jc huffs. “If you exhaust yourself then who will continue to play for me?”
“I promise I am pacing myself. I need to make sure you’re well taken care of.”
“I’ll be fine.”
jc huffs. “If you exhaust yourself then who will continue to play for me?”
“I promise I am pacing myself. I need to make sure you’re well taken care of.”
jc’s cheeks flush pink. “Just don’t overdo it.”
“I promise I won’t.”
jc tilts his head, gaze roving over lxc’s face. “You seem different today.”
“Different how?” lxc is wearing the same headpiece and white robes as always.
“I promise I won’t.”
jc tilts his head, gaze roving over lxc’s face. “You seem different today.”
“Different how?” lxc is wearing the same headpiece and white robes as always.
“Something about you is just different. You look different. Something about your face.”
“Not pretty enough for you?” lxc teases.
“Dumbass,” jc says, though he just seems amused. “I’m not sure what it is.”
“That’s fine,” lxc says serenely. “Appearances don’t account for much.”
“Not pretty enough for you?” lxc teases.
“Dumbass,” jc says, though he just seems amused. “I’m not sure what it is.”
“That’s fine,” lxc says serenely. “Appearances don’t account for much.”
“Says the number one bachelor in the cultivation world,” jc grumbles. “It’s good though. You just seem more, I dunno, relaxed I guess.”
“Lotus Pier is quite relaxing.”
“You’ve been cooped up in my room playing from breakfast until dinner,” jc says flatly.
“Lotus Pier is quite relaxing.”
“You’ve been cooped up in my room playing from breakfast until dinner,” jc says flatly.
“As I said, quite relaxing.”
jc rolls his eyes at him.
The thing is, lxc knows why he might look different. He spent the whole night thinking about jgy, but not in the way he used to. lxc feels better somehow, not as emotionally wrung out from thinking about him.
jc rolls his eyes at him.
The thing is, lxc knows why he might look different. He spent the whole night thinking about jgy, but not in the way he used to. lxc feels better somehow, not as emotionally wrung out from thinking about him.
It’ll be a while before jgy will become an afterthought, but lxc will not - can not - allow jgy to be the rest of his life, the only thing that matters, the one to dictate his every thought, the person that he cares about more than any other in the world.
“Being out and about is obviously better than seclusion,” jc says bluntly. “It’s important to reflect on your wrongs, but shutting out the world to do so is just prolonging your own misery by looking backwards and refusing to face the future.”
“Seclusion is supposed to be a punishment,” lxc says vaguely, but there’s no strength to his words. He was the one that had wanted to enter seclusion against the will of his uncle and elders, yet it is now, here at lp, that he feels like he can finally breathe again.
“Fair enough. I just don’t think it’s very conducive to moving on.”
“What about you, Jiang Wanyin? How did you move on?” lxc is genuinely curious.
jc snorts. “Who said I’ve moved on?”
“But you just said all those things.”
“Yeah.” jc crosses his arms.
“What about you, Jiang Wanyin? How did you move on?” lxc is genuinely curious.
jc snorts. “Who said I’ve moved on?”
“But you just said all those things.”
“Yeah.” jc crosses his arms.
“I am the perfect example of all talk no action.”
lxc can’t stop the laugh that bubbles out of him. “Jiang Wanyin, you need to think better of yourself.”
jc rolls his eyes. “I know my limitations.” He’s all too aware of all the things he’s lacking in.
lxc can’t stop the laugh that bubbles out of him. “Jiang Wanyin, you need to think better of yourself.”
jc rolls his eyes. “I know my limitations.” He’s all too aware of all the things he’s lacking in.
lxc’s eyes are so gentle, and his smile is so soft. jc can’t look at him.
“You’re a much better man than you think you are,” lxc says. “With or without your core,” he adds pointedly.
jc doesn’t respond, lips pursed in a pout.
“You’re a much better man than you think you are,” lxc says. “With or without your core,” he adds pointedly.
jc doesn’t respond, lips pursed in a pout.
lxc wonders if jc even knows the expression he’s making. Ah, Jiang Wanyin is unexpectedly cute.
“You’re an excellent strategist, on the field and off. You love and support your disciples, and they are completely devoted to you. You’ve raised Jin Ling so well,
“You’re an excellent strategist, on the field and off. You love and support your disciples, and they are completely devoted to you. You’ve raised Jin Ling so well,
and spent a decade paving the road for him. I can go on if you want me to-“
“Stop it, shut up,” jc says with a red face.
“ -but none of these things are because of your core. They’re because of you.”
“Ugh, I told you to shut up.” jc is scowling fiercely, hunched into himself.
“Stop it, shut up,” jc says with a red face.
“ -but none of these things are because of your core. They’re because of you.”
“Ugh, I told you to shut up.” jc is scowling fiercely, hunched into himself.
“Your people love you, Jiang Wanyin. You should allow yourself to be loved. You of all people deserve it most.”
“Shameless,” jc mutters. “Ugh, you’re disgusting.”
“You cannot deny it, though.”
“Of course I can,” jc grumps. “Grab me the candies that Jiang Wei brought.”
“Shameless,” jc mutters. “Ugh, you’re disgusting.”
“You cannot deny it, though.”
“Of course I can,” jc grumps. “Grab me the candies that Jiang Wei brought.”
lxc passes the small box over, refusing when jc offers him one. “Speaking of Jiang Wei...” he says, dropping his gaze from jc.
jc sighs. “What did he do?”
“Nothing! I just wonder...you two seem particularly close.”
jc sighs. “What did he do?”
“Nothing! I just wonder...you two seem particularly close.”
When there’s no immediate response, lxc looks up to see jc with his head lowered. His brows are furrowed, lips turned down.
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pry. Please don’t feel obliged to answer.”
It’s another long moment before jc speaks. “I found Wei-er in the remains of lp
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pry. Please don’t feel obliged to answer.”
It’s another long moment before jc speaks. “I found Wei-er in the remains of lp
when I went back to rebuild. The children never stood a chance when the Wen dogs killed them all, but Wei-er had skipped out to pick lotus seeds at night. He hid in the water, even when they poured oil in it to burn the lotuses. Afterwards he hid in the rubble and
scrounged for food until I found him, his body disfigured from burns that got infected.”
lxc doesn’t know what to say. He has seen scars peeking out from Jiang Wei’s sleeves and collar, but hadn’t given them any thought.
“I asked him why he didn’t go into town for help.
lxc doesn’t know what to say. He has seen scars peeking out from Jiang Wei’s sleeves and collar, but hadn’t given them any thought.
“I asked him why he didn’t go into town for help.
He said Lotus Pier is his home, so he refused to leave.” jc shakes his head. “What a stubborn, silly child.”
“Jiang Wei is an admirable person, with a loyal heart.”
“I spoil him too much, so I hope you don’t take offence if he is rude. Wei-er doesn’t like strangers.”
“Jiang Wei is an admirable person, with a loyal heart.”
“I spoil him too much, so I hope you don’t take offence if he is rude. Wei-er doesn’t like strangers.”
No, Jiang Wei just doesn’t like him. It’s understandable; it’s natural for him to be protective of jc, especially towards those that had shunned his sect leader all these years.
lxc was so wrong about jc. He just hopes for the chance to know him before jc’s body gives up on him.
lxc was so wrong about jc. He just hopes for the chance to know him before jc’s body gives up on him.
“Rest more,” lxc says instead.
“Mn.” jc shifts to lie down. “Get some rest if you need it Lan Xichen.”
jc falls asleep far too quickly, leaving lxc feeling guilty for keeping him up. No matter, the break has completely recharged him, so he can put even more energy into the qin.
“Mn.” jc shifts to lie down. “Get some rest if you need it Lan Xichen.”
jc falls asleep far too quickly, leaving lxc feeling guilty for keeping him up. No matter, the break has completely recharged him, so he can put even more energy into the qin.
Days later there’s still no progress on the research, but wwx refuses to admit there’s no cure outside of jc healing himself. He checks in on jc in the mornings during jl’s training, though lxc has no idea what lwj has been up to. He can’t find it in himself to particularly care.
lxc has been avoiding lwj and wwx when he leaves jc for the day, eating dinner at various scenic spots around lp before retiring to his room or painting under the moonlight.
Today had started the same, but lxc overhears jc telling Healer Yu that he’s not sleeping well at night
Today had started the same, but lxc overhears jc telling Healer Yu that he’s not sleeping well at night
even with meds, so he offers to come back later and play a song of calm instead of healing.
But apparently both of them have very different ideas of what “later” means because lxc meant “immediately after dinner” and jc meant “just before bed”.
But apparently both of them have very different ideas of what “later” means because lxc meant “immediately after dinner” and jc meant “just before bed”.
jc’s room is quiet when lxc approaches, and he wonders where jl is. He knocks on the door. “Jiang Wanyin? It’s me, Lan Xichen.”
Inside, Fairy gives a sharp bark.
“Wait, Fairy -“ he hears jc say when she nudges the door and lxc slides it open.
Inside, Fairy gives a sharp bark.
“Wait, Fairy -“ he hears jc say when she nudges the door and lxc slides it open.
There’s a privacy screen right at the entrance, blocking off the main space of the room, so lxc stands there, bewildered.
“Jiang Wanyin?”
“Lan Xichen, what are you - I’m not -“ There’s the sound of splashing water and lxc flushes from his hairline down to his toes.
“Jiang Wanyin?”
“Lan Xichen, what are you - I’m not -“ There’s the sound of splashing water and lxc flushes from his hairline down to his toes.
The screen is thin enough he can actually see jc’s furious scowl above the wooden edge of his bathtub, and the knowledge that jc is completely bare on the other side of this flimsy screen...
“I am so sorry,” lxc manages after a much too long pause.
A beat.
“I am so sorry,” lxc manages after a much too long pause.
A beat.
“Why are you still here?” jc shouts.
“Right.” lxc takes another much too long pause.
“Get out!”
lxc steps back and closes the door behind himself.
He’s on the wrong side of the door.
“Lan Xichen!”
He jumps.
“Right.” lxc takes another much too long pause.
“Get out!”
lxc steps back and closes the door behind himself.
He’s on the wrong side of the door.
“Lan Xichen!”
He jumps.
“I can see you on the other side of the screen! What are you still doing here?!” jc sounds like he’s gonna burst a blood vessel.
“I - um. I am so sorry, I just - I...” lxc cannot remember ever being so flustered.
“Lan Xichen!”
“I - um. I am so sorry, I just - I...” lxc cannot remember ever being so flustered.
“Lan Xichen!”
“Right,” lxc mumbles to himself. “Right, right, right...” He spins, leaving the room properly this time.
Outside, Fairy sits, giving a bark when she sees lxc.
lxc sighs. “Fairy, you really are too much.”
Her bark sounds far too much like a laugh.
Outside, Fairy sits, giving a bark when she sees lxc.
lxc sighs. “Fairy, you really are too much.”
Her bark sounds far too much like a laugh.
It’s a while after that when Jiang Wei shows up, followed by a few servants. “Zewu-jun.”
“Ah, Master Jiang. I was just, ah, waiting on Sect Leader Jiang to, ah...”
Jiang Wei’s eyes narrow. “Did you peek at Sect Leader bathing?!”
“Ah, Master Jiang. I was just, ah, waiting on Sect Leader Jiang to, ah...”
Jiang Wei’s eyes narrow. “Did you peek at Sect Leader bathing?!”
“No! Definitely not! I didn’t see anything, and I opened the door by accident!”
jc’s voice floats through the door then. “Wei-er! Stop wasting time outside!”
“Yes, Sect Leader!” Jiang Wei glares at him before entering, slamming the doors shut.
jc’s voice floats through the door then. “Wei-er! Stop wasting time outside!”
“Yes, Sect Leader!” Jiang Wei glares at him before entering, slamming the doors shut.
lxc sobers when he realises the reason for Jiang Wei’s appearance. jc is still not well enough to get out of bed on his own, and jc would likely chew off his own arm than ask jl for help.
He could have asked me, lxc thinks sadly.
He could have asked me, lxc thinks sadly.
He idles outside, staring pitifully at the door until it opens, the servants carrying away the empty bathtub, a trail of soft fragrance wafting from the room.
lxc peeks in, wondering if he’s allowed in now. The privacy screen is lined against the wall
lxc peeks in, wondering if he’s allowed in now. The privacy screen is lined against the wall
and jc is dressed in nightclothes, braiding his hair on the bed.
lxc’s heart skips a beat at the sight, but then it sinks when he takes in the shakiness of jc’s hands, barely able to tie a rough knot with the thick ribbon. “Jiang Wanyin?”
lxc’s heart skips a beat at the sight, but then it sinks when he takes in the shakiness of jc’s hands, barely able to tie a rough knot with the thick ribbon. “Jiang Wanyin?”
“Lan Xichen.” jc looks even more exhausted than before dinner, even with his skin flushed from the bath. “Thanks for coming so late.”
“I wanted to.”
A servant is still tidying up the room, pulling the table back into the centre and straightening lxc’s qin.
“I wanted to.”
A servant is still tidying up the room, pulling the table back into the centre and straightening lxc’s qin.
jc waves a hand at Jiang Wei hovering by him. “Wei-er, go get some rest.”
“Sect Leader, I can stay longer.”
“You know Xianzhu won’t rest until you’re back. She’s about to pop any second; you should be with her.”
Jiang Wei is visibly torn until jc gives him a sharp look. “Go.”
“Sect Leader, I can stay longer.”
“You know Xianzhu won’t rest until you’re back. She’s about to pop any second; you should be with her.”
Jiang Wei is visibly torn until jc gives him a sharp look. “Go.”
“Yes, Sect Leader. Goodnight.” He bows deeply at jc, giving lxc a curt “Zewu-jun” before leaving.
“Impertinent child,” jc mutters fondly.
lxc goes to help jc with the blankets as he shifts to lie down. He sits on the side after, fixing it around jc’s shoulders.
“Impertinent child,” jc mutters fondly.
lxc goes to help jc with the blankets as he shifts to lie down. He sits on the side after, fixing it around jc’s shoulders.
“Jiang Wei and his wife must really like the pearl character,” he comments idly. Normally there is a different mainstay character for each generation.
jc has his eyes closed already. “Mn. You can say it’s tradition. My mother had Jinzhu and Yinzhu as her handmaids.
jc has his eyes closed already. “Mn. You can say it’s tradition. My mother had Jinzhu and Yinzhu as her handmaids.
I have Mingzhu and Xianzhu. A-Rong’s second daughter is Yazhu and you’ve met Lizhu.”
Some secrets are only for jc to know, and he doesn’t know lxc well enough to divulge.
“Jiang Wanyin, would you want a family of your own someday?”
Some secrets are only for jc to know, and he doesn’t know lxc well enough to divulge.
“Jiang Wanyin, would you want a family of your own someday?”
lxc knows he’s overstepping, but if jc has given up hope and doesn’t envision a future for himself, then he will continue to decline.
jc hums. “I wanted many things, Lan Xichen.”
lxc doesn’t like the use of past tense.
“What about you?” jc asks, eyes blinking open again.
jc hums. “I wanted many things, Lan Xichen.”
lxc doesn’t like the use of past tense.
“What about you?” jc asks, eyes blinking open again.
“I’m not sure anymore,” lxc says. “I don’t know about children, but it would be nice to have a partner.”
jc sighs. “Good luck with that. Everyone knows about the fated ones of the Lan family. Did you know they put out novels about shit like that?”
jc sighs. “Good luck with that. Everyone knows about the fated ones of the Lan family. Did you know they put out novels about shit like that?”
“Well.” lxc squirms. “I’ve heard Jingyi mentioning it before, but I haven’t seen any for myself. His friend at Baling loves them.”
“Yeah, oyzz is pretty close with Jin Ling. He thinks it’s terribly romantic, apparently.” jc snorts.
“Yeah, oyzz is pretty close with Jin Ling. He thinks it’s terribly romantic, apparently.” jc snorts.
“I’d advise you to steer clear of them unless you want more shitty reminders of your...situation.”
“What situation?” It’s a genuine question.
“You know. jgy being dead and all.”
“...Jiang Wanyin...” lxc scratches at the embroidery of jc’s blanket.
“What situation?” It’s a genuine question.
“You know. jgy being dead and all.”
“...Jiang Wanyin...” lxc scratches at the embroidery of jc’s blanket.
It takes a while before he can look jc directly in the eyes. “...jgy wasn’t my fated one.”
jc just blinks. “Uh...yes he was.”
lxc has to laugh at that, covering his smile with his hand. “I think I would know.”
jc just blinks. “Uh...yes he was.”
lxc has to laugh at that, covering his smile with his hand. “I think I would know.”
jc props himself up on an elbow to stare at lxc. “Wait - really? But you’re in seclusion because of him. You agreed!”
“Well.” lxc coughs, looking away. “It technically is because of him, and my relationship with him. But at the root of it, that was not the relationship we had.”
“Well.” lxc coughs, looking away. “It technically is because of him, and my relationship with him. But at the root of it, that was not the relationship we had.”
“Huh.” jc flops back down into the bed, and he lets lxc tuck the blanket around him again. “I thought cuz both of you needed direct heirs, you had to suffer in a secret love.”
“Jiang Wanyin.” lxc’s eyes sparkle in mirth. “Have you been secretly reading oyzz’s romance novels?”
“Jiang Wanyin.” lxc’s eyes sparkle in mirth. “Have you been secretly reading oyzz’s romance novels?”
“Of course not,” jc says, rolling his eyes. “But you can’t deny you gave him weirdly romantic treatment.“
“Did I?”
“With all the weird touching.”
“There are many that detest the touch of a prostitute’s son, so even objects he touched were said to be tainted,” lxc explains.
“Did I?”
“With all the weird touching.”
“There are many that detest the touch of a prostitute’s son, so even objects he touched were said to be tainted,” lxc explains.
“Oh.” Well, that was certainly something jc never considered in his privileged life. “I never thought of that,” he admits.
“Well now you have,” lxc says easily. He doesn’t blame jc. He wouldn’t have either if he hadn’t heard the whispers about Huaisang’s attendant.
“Well now you have,” lxc says easily. He doesn’t blame jc. He wouldn’t have either if he hadn’t heard the whispers about Huaisang’s attendant.
lxc decides to change the subject. There’s no point in dwelling on jgy. “What about an heir for your sect?”
jc sighs. His eyes are closed again, face turned slightly away. “Lan Xichen, surely you know of the former sect leader’s preference for a servant’s son above his own.
jc sighs. His eyes are closed again, face turned slightly away. “Lan Xichen, surely you know of the former sect leader’s preference for a servant’s son above his own.
If not for my mother, wwx would have been heir. It certainly wasn’t from lack of trying.”
lxc feels a little sick hearing this. Trying to instate someone other than your own child to be heir is just unthinkable. No wonder jc still doubts himself with all that he’s achieved.
lxc feels a little sick hearing this. Trying to instate someone other than your own child to be heir is just unthinkable. No wonder jc still doubts himself with all that he’s achieved.
“So what would be the point in having a blood heir? Anyway...“ jc turns onto his side completely. “It’s not as if it matters anymore. Jiang Rong will be an amazing leader, better than me.”
“No one will be better than you.”
It slipped out by accident, but lxc doesn’t regret it.
“No one will be better than you.”
It slipped out by accident, but lxc doesn’t regret it.
“No one will be better than you,” he repeats, stronger now. “You are the soul of the sect. No one will ever be able to take your place in the hearts of your disciples. No one will ever be as important as you have been - still are - to the sect.
Wanyin, you rebuilt Lotus Pier and the whole of Yunmeng Jiang with your own two hands. Your disciples are here because of you and the way you inspire them. How could you possibly think anyone could be better than you?”
lxc is obviously agitated, and he’s moved until he’s above jc on the bed, one hand pushing jc down to face him.
jc is staring at him with wet, wide eyes. There’s a damp track down one cheek, and his lips are parted.
jc is staring at him with wet, wide eyes. There’s a damp track down one cheek, and his lips are parted.
lxc’s breaths are deep and ragged. “So don’t - don’t ever say that again. Please.”
“Lan Xichen,” jc whispers.
lxc inhales sharply when he realises the position he’s in. jc smells sweet from the bath, wrapping lxc in a familiar fragrance.
“Lan Xichen,” jc whispers.
lxc inhales sharply when he realises the position he’s in. jc smells sweet from the bath, wrapping lxc in a familiar fragrance.
For a moment his head spins, and he scrambles back in a flurry of robes. “I - I am so sorry,” he gasps, standing from the bed. “I didn’t mean to overstep or intrude.”
jc doesn’t immediately answer, shifting to lie properly on his back and pulling the blanket back in place.
jc doesn’t immediately answer, shifting to lie properly on his back and pulling the blanket back in place.
lxc doesn’t help him. He’s not sure he’s allowed now, after he’s laid such a rough hand on jc.
“Lan Xichen,” he repeats quietly, sighing as he closes his eyes. “I’m tired.”
“Right. I - I really am sorry.” lxc sits himself at the qin.
“Lan Xichen,” he repeats quietly, sighing as he closes his eyes. “I’m tired.”
“Right. I - I really am sorry.” lxc sits himself at the qin.
As he’s playing, he looks up to see jc watching him sleepily. “Lan Xichen, you really are a good person,” he murmurs, before he sinks into a deep slumber.
Things are stilted they next morning when lxc arrives after breakfast. jl has already gone to training with Fairy, and it’s just the two of them in the room.
“Good morning,” lxc says. He doesn’t know where to look or what to do with his hands.
“Good morning,” lxc says. He doesn’t know where to look or what to do with his hands.
He fidgets, folding them into his sleeves before dropping them back to his sides before holding them behind his back, before jc cuts him off.
“What’re you standing around for?” jc asks, and even his voice sounds thin. “Come in properly, dumbass.”
“What’re you standing around for?” jc asks, and even his voice sounds thin. “Come in properly, dumbass.”
The tightness in lxc’s chest loosens somewhat as he sits gingerly in the side of the bed. “How did you sleep last night?”
“Pretty great actually. No dreams.”
“Is that good?”
jc tilts his head on the pillow. “It is. You’re helping a lot, Lan Xichen.
“Pretty great actually. No dreams.”
“Is that good?”
jc tilts his head on the pillow. “It is. You’re helping a lot, Lan Xichen.
There’s no need to look so scared. I can barely sit up; I wouldn’t be able to break your legs.”
lxc’s faint smile disappears. “What did Healer Yu say?”
“I think you can tell from looking,” jc says drily. His skin has gained a powdery look to the paleness.
lxc’s faint smile disappears. “What did Healer Yu say?”
“I think you can tell from looking,” jc says drily. His skin has gained a powdery look to the paleness.
lxc feels if he reaches out and touches jc, he might just crumble to dust. “I’m not helping at all,” he says, despondent.
“You are.” jc eyes close. “I can feel it.”
“But...”
“Lan Xichen, I told you, didn’t I? It’s gonna happen eventually.”
“You are.” jc eyes close. “I can feel it.”
“But...”
“Lan Xichen, I told you, didn’t I? It’s gonna happen eventually.”
Something burns in lxc’s chest, and it takes a moment for him to realise it’s anger. “No,” he says. “No! I can’t accept that.”
jc looks at him then. His gaze is deep and sad. “Lan Xichen,” he sighs.
lxc’s eyes sting. “Jiang Wanyin,” he croaks out, leaning closer.
jc looks at him then. His gaze is deep and sad. “Lan Xichen,” he sighs.
lxc’s eyes sting. “Jiang Wanyin,” he croaks out, leaning closer.
“Please. I just...please don’t.”
“I told you, Lan Xichen. I’m trying. I really am.”
lxc will not say it’s not good enough. He’s gleaned enough from talking to jc that it would probably be the worst thing he could say.
“I told you, Lan Xichen. I’m trying. I really am.”
lxc will not say it’s not good enough. He’s gleaned enough from talking to jc that it would probably be the worst thing he could say.
“I know you are,” he says instead. “I know you really are. But deep down inside, you’ve accepted the end, so you’re holding yourself back.”
jc sighs, turning his face away. “So what? I can’t stop it. Do you know how?”
jc sighs, turning his face away. “So what? I can’t stop it. Do you know how?”
lxc really doesn’t. But the thought of jc dying like just like this - with a whisper and a sigh, at such a young age...
jc is a strong cultivator, and he had been even before the core transfer. lxc remembers him clearly from his year of study, and he thinks the reason why
jc is a strong cultivator, and he had been even before the core transfer. lxc remembers him clearly from his year of study, and he thinks the reason why
no one, not even jc, realised something was amiss was because jc’s core was just as strong as wwx’s and no one could tell the difference from performance or ability.
A cultivator of jc’s strength could easily live to be 100 years old. He’s only in his mid 30s.
A cultivator of jc’s strength could easily live to be 100 years old. He’s only in his mid 30s.
It’s too young, and for all the tragedies life has thrown at him, he still hasn’t lived enough yet. Even now, as lxc looks at him, he doesn’t look a day over 20. It’s just too young.
Before he knows to control himself, lxc finds hot tears rolling down his cheeks.
Before he knows to control himself, lxc finds hot tears rolling down his cheeks.
jc is shocked and tries to heave himself up but lxc just pushes him down again. “No, rest,” he says roughly, blotting his face with his sleeve.
“Lan Xichen,” jc sighs. “I am not worth your tears.”
“Lan Xichen,” jc sighs. “I am not worth your tears.”
It just makes lxc cry harder, the tears blurring his sight until he can’t even tell when sort of expression jc is making. “Shut up,” he mumbles, standing from the bed and backing off a couple steps. “Shut up, shut up, shut up!”
jc lies there, wide-eyed.
jc lies there, wide-eyed.
Is this it? Is lxc finally having the breakdown that was supposed to happen in seclusion?
“You’re worth everything!” lxc cries. He’s so angry he can feel the blood pounding in his trembling fingertips. “You deserve everything! You deserve the world!”
“You’re worth everything!” lxc cries. He’s so angry he can feel the blood pounding in his trembling fingertips. “You deserve everything! You deserve the world!”
jc doesn’t even know what to say. He’s never heard words like this directed at him before. He’s not the type of person that deserves anything good. lxc is just mistaken. He’s gotten attached, and that’s the only reason why he’s saying these things.
“What will it take for you to just listen?! What do I have to say?! What do I have to do?!”
lxc is definitely having a breakdown.
“You make me so angry sometimes! You’re infuriating, you know that?!”
jc’s mouth is hanging open. “Lan Xichen.”
lxc is definitely having a breakdown.
“You make me so angry sometimes! You’re infuriating, you know that?!”
jc’s mouth is hanging open. “Lan Xichen.”
“Why do you think of yourself like this?” lxc’s voice breaks. “Why can’t you see the value of your life?”
“Lan Xichen, please don’t.”
lxc turns around, embarrassed. He wipes at his face with his wide sleeve before he looks back over to the bed.
“Lan Xichen, please don’t.”
lxc turns around, embarrassed. He wipes at his face with his wide sleeve before he looks back over to the bed.
jc is on his side, looking at him with such sad, sad eyes. His hand is on the pillow by his cheek, and there are loose locks of hair around his face. Even with pale, powdery skin, he’s absolutely stunning, and lxc’s chest seizes so tight he can’t breathe.
Oh.
Oh, lxc thinks. Oh.
“Come sit, Lan Xichen.” jc pats the edge of the bed lightly, and lxc all but collapses onto it. “You know this isn’t happening because of you, right? This isn’t because you can’t save me.”
Oh, lxc thinks. Oh.
“Come sit, Lan Xichen.” jc pats the edge of the bed lightly, and lxc all but collapses onto it. “You know this isn’t happening because of you, right? This isn’t because you can’t save me.”
lxc sniffles, but doesn’t respond. jc is doing it again, focusing on making lxc feel better and ignoring his own dire situation.
“Jiang Wanyin...” lxc swallows hard. “Is there...is there anything I can do?”
“You’re already doing it.”
“Jiang Wanyin...” lxc swallows hard. “Is there...is there anything I can do?”
“You’re already doing it.”
“What about...is there anything you want? Anything at all, no matter how ridiculous it is.” lxc looks at him earnestly. “We could try and do it together.”
jc’s eyes take on an unfocused sheen. “I miss my sister’s stir fry. Auntie Mei’s is quite close,
jc’s eyes take on an unfocused sheen. “I miss my sister’s stir fry. Auntie Mei’s is quite close,
but it’s just not the same.” It will never taste the same if it’s not the same person making it.
“Isn’t lotus root and pork rib soup your favourite?” wwx certainly makes enough noise about it, liking to reminisce about how he and jc would fight over the last bowl.
“Isn’t lotus root and pork rib soup your favourite?” wwx certainly makes enough noise about it, liking to reminisce about how he and jc would fight over the last bowl.
“Mn. It’s good, but that’s wwx’s favourite. Mine was stir fried lotus roots with braised pork.”
“I see.” lxc does, and it just breaks his heart further.
He straightens jc’s blanket, tucking it around him as jc rolls to lie on his back.
“I see.” lxc does, and it just breaks his heart further.
He straightens jc’s blanket, tucking it around him as jc rolls to lie on his back.
“Let me play some more for you today,” lxc says quietly. “You just rest for now.”
“Mn.” jc starts drifting off as soon as his eyes are closed.
lxc plays and plays and plays, barely stopping for lunch and not taking any water breaks.
“Mn.” jc starts drifting off as soon as his eyes are closed.
lxc plays and plays and plays, barely stopping for lunch and not taking any water breaks.
The sheer power of his music makes the very air in the room vibrate, and still jc sleeps on. Not even jl can withstand it, and he bows out after only 10 minutes with a headache.
After dinner (and jc’s bath), lxc goes back to jc. “Jiang Wanyin...let’s do something different.”
After dinner (and jc’s bath), lxc goes back to jc. “Jiang Wanyin...let’s do something different.”
“What sort of different?” jc’s eyes are bright and his lips have some colour, but lxc doesn’t know if it’s from the bath or if he’s really feeling better.
“Let’s sit outside for a while. I’ve found a pavilion I quite like, just by your rooms.”
“Let’s sit outside for a while. I’ve found a pavilion I quite like, just by your rooms.”
It was his mother’s, but jc doesn’t say so. His disciples must have taken a liking to lxc to allow him access to family quarters.
“Fresh air would be nice,” jc agrees. So he sits up and directs lxc to fetch him a cloak, not bothering to dress properly.
“Fresh air would be nice,” jc agrees. So he sits up and directs lxc to fetch him a cloak, not bothering to dress properly.
He tries to argue when lxc lifts him into a carry, but lxc just shushes him, ignoring his protests.
Lotus Pier is quiet, everyone having retired to the dorms or their own homes. The moon is a bright white crescent, the water clear and still.
Lotus Pier is quiet, everyone having retired to the dorms or their own homes. The moon is a bright white crescent, the water clear and still.
The lotuses around the floating pavilion stand tall and elegant, giving off a faint sweetness that reminds lxc of jc’s own fragrance.
He sets jc down gently on the stone bench facing the open cove, fixing the cloak around his shoulders as he sits next to him.
He sets jc down gently on the stone bench facing the open cove, fixing the cloak around his shoulders as he sits next to him.
For a long while, they sit in peaceful silence.
“Lan Xichen, thank you.”
lxc turns to look at jc. “For what?”
“For all that you’re doing. I am not an easy man to deal with, and you’ve been nothing but patient and kind.”
“Lan Xichen, thank you.”
lxc turns to look at jc. “For what?”
“For all that you’re doing. I am not an easy man to deal with, and you’ve been nothing but patient and kind.”
lxc is quiet for a while. “I am not the easiest man to deal with either.”
“You’re alright.” jc tips his head back to look at the starry sky. “I’ll miss this.”
They sit some more in silence.
“Jiang Wanyin...”
“Hm?”
“You’re alright.” jc tips his head back to look at the starry sky. “I’ll miss this.”
They sit some more in silence.
“Jiang Wanyin...”
“Hm?”
“Would things be different, you think, if you have a partner to live for?”
“I have many people to live for already. Jin Ling, A-Rong, Wei-er, all my disciples. I want to live for them, but at the end of it, I have to live for himself. And that is really nothing to live for.”
“I have many people to live for already. Jin Ling, A-Rong, Wei-er, all my disciples. I want to live for them, but at the end of it, I have to live for himself. And that is really nothing to live for.”
lxc bites his lip. “Maybe...because they’re not yours to keep? Jin Ling will grow and have his own family. Jiang Rong and Jiang Wei already do.”
“A person cannot be kept. You should know that.”
“A person cannot be kept. You should know that.”
“My fated one is the one I will live for,” lxc says, turning his face away completely. “I will be theirs to keep, even if they don’t want me.”
jc laughs. “I don’t expect anything less from a man like you, Lan Xichen.”
jc laughs. “I don’t expect anything less from a man like you, Lan Xichen.”
They sit there some more, until jc starts to sniffle from the cold.
“Let’s get you back,” lxc says, lifting jc into his arms again. “I shouldn’t have kept you out for so long.”
“No, I liked it,” jc says, too tired to fight lxc about the carry.
“Let’s get you back,” lxc says, lifting jc into his arms again. “I shouldn’t have kept you out for so long.”
“No, I liked it,” jc says, too tired to fight lxc about the carry.
His head falls against lxc’s shoulder, and he’s asleep in an instant.
lxc tucks him in gently, softly. He brushes away a lock of hair from jc’s face, gaze tracing over the slope of jc’s nose, the curve of his cheekbones, the curl of his lips.
lxc tucks him in gently, softly. He brushes away a lock of hair from jc’s face, gaze tracing over the slope of jc’s nose, the curve of his cheekbones, the curl of his lips.
He touches his fingertips to the centre of jc’s forehead, where a Lan ribbon would sit.
“Good night, Wanyin,” he whispers. He plays a quiet, calm song for another hour or so, ensuring a long night of restful sleep.
“Good night, Wanyin,” he whispers. He plays a quiet, calm song for another hour or so, ensuring a long night of restful sleep.
The next night, jc is the one that asks to go outside when lxc arrives. “I think the night air makes me feel better,” he says, so lxc carries him to the private pavilion again.
The moon is covered by drifting clouds tonight, but jc still lets out a deep breath of contentment.
The moon is covered by drifting clouds tonight, but jc still lets out a deep breath of contentment.
lxc wonders what jc is thinking as they sit there in the chilly night air. Neither feel the need to speak, soaking in each other’s presence.
lxc watches the flowers in the water, looks up at the sky, stares into space as every nerve on his body tingles with his proximity to jc.
lxc watches the flowers in the water, looks up at the sky, stares into space as every nerve on his body tingles with his proximity to jc.
After about an hour jc yawns, so lxc carries him back inside, tucks him in, plays the qin, and goes back to his room to paint until his eyes start drooping.
The night after that jc falls asleep on lxc’s shoulder, and lxc sits there, selfishly,
The night after that jc falls asleep on lxc’s shoulder, and lxc sits there, selfishly,
soaking in the warmth of jc against his side until the tip of jc’s nose turns pink from the chill.
jc stirs when lxc tucks him into bed. “Lan Xichen?”
“Wanyin.” It’s only in this space between waking and dreams that lxc dares to use jc’s name so intimately.
jc stirs when lxc tucks him into bed. “Lan Xichen?”
“Wanyin.” It’s only in this space between waking and dreams that lxc dares to use jc’s name so intimately.
“You shouldn’t be so good to me,” jc mumbles, eyes closed again.
“Why not?” lxc brushes aside a few wisps of hair, uses it as an excuse to run his fingertips over jc’s cheek.
“Cuz I’m me.”
“Why not?” lxc brushes aside a few wisps of hair, uses it as an excuse to run his fingertips over jc’s cheek.
“Cuz I’m me.”
“Yes,” lxc murmurs. He leans close, smoothing the blanket over jc’s chest. “Exactly because you’re you.”
“You’re impossible,” jc slurs out, and lxc watches him fall asleep.
Attempt the impossible, lxc thinks.
Perhaps it’s time for him to do exactly that.
“You’re impossible,” jc slurs out, and lxc watches him fall asleep.
Attempt the impossible, lxc thinks.
Perhaps it’s time for him to do exactly that.
lxc is painting again that night, wondering what proper steps there are to be taken. Courtship rituals vary from place to place, and the Lans don’t have one at all - each fated one is special and unique so they have to decide for themselves how to go about it.
He stares at his painting. It’s something he’s been working on for a little while now and he was going to keep it in his own collection, for his secret pleasure, but perhaps it would be a good overture to let jc know of his intentions.
The next day, lxc shows up in the morning with a large scroll in his hands. His eyes are dry, and it hurts a little to blink after concentrating so hard that he barely noticed the passage of time.
“What’s that?” jc asks, when lxc sits by him.
“A gift for you.”
“What’s that?” jc asks, when lxc sits by him.
“A gift for you.”
jc’s curiosity is obviously piqued, and lxc helps him sit up, waiting patiently as jc pulls at the ribbon tying it closed. He waits some more as jc rolls out the painting, and lxc can hear the hitch in jc’s breath as he takes it in.
It’s a large watercolour of pink lotuses in a cove. When it’s unfurled to the bottom there is a figure that is undeniably jc, sprawled out on a pier like a fairy descended from the heavens, hair loose and unbound, flowing purple and blue robes billowing out around him.
“When did you -“ jc doesn’t even know how to finish his sentence. “How did you even -“
“I was inspired,” lxc says calmly, though he feels anything but. He can hear the pounding of his heart in his own ears. He’s fixed on jc’s face, trying to see what jc’s thinking.
“I was inspired,” lxc says calmly, though he feels anything but. He can hear the pounding of his heart in his own ears. He’s fixed on jc’s face, trying to see what jc’s thinking.
jc is stunned, staring at the painting. Is that what lxc thinks he looks like? It’s definitely him, but a better version of him, sharp features softened into a delicate beauty, wistful instead of angry.
“Is this...me?”
“Of course it’s you.”
“I...don’t understand.”
“Is this...me?”
“Of course it’s you.”
“I...don’t understand.”
lxc just smiles. “It’s a gift. To the one that inspired me, not only to start painting again, but to start living again.”
jc doesn’t know what to say. He’s not looking at lxc, fixated on the painting. He hasn’t done anything remotely close to what lxc’s saying.
jc doesn’t know what to say. He’s not looking at lxc, fixated on the painting. He hasn’t done anything remotely close to what lxc’s saying.
Other than losing his temper at lxc when he first arrived, all jc has done is lie around while lxc plays the qin for him.
But lxc speaks so earnestly, so honestly. He really believes what he’s saying, though jc has no idea how that’s happened.
But lxc speaks so earnestly, so honestly. He really believes what he’s saying, though jc has no idea how that’s happened.
“Thank you,” he says quietly. He can’t stop looking at the dainty brushstrokes that form his figure. Each stroke is soft but sure, no hint of hesitation to them. It’s a beautiful painting.
jc is not worthy of it.
jc is not worthy of it.
When he looks up again, a servant is already moving in the display rack for the painting, setting it off to the side of the bed, so he could see it lying down.
A furious blush floods his cheeks. “We can’t put this up!”
A furious blush floods his cheeks. “We can’t put this up!”
lxc looks at him with huge, sad eyes. jc feels like he’s just kicked a puppy. “Why not?” He comes closer, sitting by the bed where jc is still clutching the scroll. “Do you not like it?”
jc’s eyes fall back to the painting. “No, no, I...” His voice softens. “I like it a lot.”
jc’s eyes fall back to the painting. “No, no, I...” His voice softens. “I like it a lot.”
He just can’t believe lxc would paint him looking like this, beautiful and ethereal.
“Then we’ll hang it up,” lxc says cheerfully, and jc lets him take it, watching as lxc arranges it carefully on the display stand before going to sit behind his qin.
“Then we’ll hang it up,” lxc says cheerfully, and jc lets him take it, watching as lxc arranges it carefully on the display stand before going to sit behind his qin.
jc doesn’t say anything else as he lies down again. He’s still looking at the painting when wwx arrives with a loud, cheerful “Jiang Cheng!”
jc sighs. He can feel a headache building.
“Oh? What’s this?” wwx takes a bare second to take it in, before he bursts out laughing.
jc sighs. He can feel a headache building.
“Oh? What’s this?” wwx takes a bare second to take it in, before he bursts out laughing.
“Oh my god, jc, where did you get this? Is this supposed to be you? Oh my god, who did you pay for this? You should ask for your money back!”
lxc’s lips thin as his music stops abruptly. He’s not taking kindly to the fact that his gift to jc is being laughed at so callously.
lxc’s lips thin as his music stops abruptly. He’s not taking kindly to the fact that his gift to jc is being laughed at so callously.
“It’s a gift from me,” he cuts in before jc could answer. “I painted it.”
wwx freezes, looking over his shoulder at lxc, as if he’s forgotten that lxc would be there as he had been every morning. “Oh, Lan da-ge!” He scratches his head awkwardly. “Um. It’s a nice painting.”
wwx freezes, looking over his shoulder at lxc, as if he’s forgotten that lxc would be there as he had been every morning. “Oh, Lan da-ge!” He scratches his head awkwardly. “Um. It’s a nice painting.”
His eyes dart back to the painting, to lxc’s signature and seal in a corner.
lxc looks down at his qin. He runs his hand over the strings before starting to play again. “What matters is that Wanyin likes it.”
lxc looks down at his qin. He runs his hand over the strings before starting to play again. “What matters is that Wanyin likes it.”
“Wanyin?” wwx mouths to himself, looking back at jc, who’s massaging the bridge of his nose. He takes another look at the painting, leaning down to inspect the depiction of jc. Realisation hits wwx like a rock to the head. Oh.
He straightens, smiling sheepishly at lxc. “Ah, Lan da-ge, it’s really a beautiful painting. You must have put in a lot of time and thought into it.”
“I did.”
“Jiang Cheng looks really good in it. No one would realise he looks so, uh...good? through your eyes.”
“I did.”
“Jiang Cheng looks really good in it. No one would realise he looks so, uh...good? through your eyes.”
jc covers his face with both hands. This is exactly why he hadn’t wanted to display the painting - for everyone to know that lxc, Zewu-jun, the unparalleled First Jade of Lan, would picture him as some otherworldly beauty - it just seems too fantastical to be true.
“What do you want, wwx?” he asks, changing the topic.
“Just came to see you.” wwx sits by the bed. “How are you feeling?”
“Fine. How’s the research?”
wwx has a pinched look on his face. “Not so fine. But you shouldn’t give up yet!”
jc sighs. “Take a break. Go see the town.”
“Just came to see you.” wwx sits by the bed. “How are you feeling?”
“Fine. How’s the research?”
wwx has a pinched look on his face. “Not so fine. But you shouldn’t give up yet!”
jc sighs. “Take a break. Go see the town.”
“I have been,” wwx says stubbornly. He and lwj eat out quite a bit; without jc to host, his disciples returned to eating in the mess hall, even tho Jiang Rong and Jiang Wei should have taken over as hosts. It’s supremely rude, but no one in the sect really cares.
It’s a strange situation to be in for wwx. The servants and disciples barely listen to his requests, skirting the edge of propriety to the point that lwj is in a constant state of irritation.
No one in town knows him anymore, and they eye him and lwj warily once they see the white robes of Gusu Lan. It appears that the townspeople are also clear in their allegiance to Yunmeng Jiang.
“You look better,” wwx says, after inspecting jc closely.
“You look better,” wwx says, after inspecting jc closely.
jc feels better too. He’s not sure if it’s because of lxc’s music or because it’s so relaxing sitting outside at night, but he’s been feeling a little better in the mornings, less brittle, more present, if that makes any sense.
He’s still taking Healer Yu’s nourishment tonics though, so he’s quickly starting to tire when wwx fixes the blanket around him.
wwx sits there, watching jc fall asleep before he stands to move closer to the painting. “Lan da-ge, such a gift is really unexpected.”
wwx sits there, watching jc fall asleep before he stands to move closer to the painting. “Lan da-ge, such a gift is really unexpected.”
“Is it?” lxc sounds serene as he continues to play, imbuing more spiritual energy into it.
wwx’s smile drops as the music seems to shake his insides, sending his blood pounding in his temples. He grits his teeth against the rising nausea.
wwx’s smile drops as the music seems to shake his insides, sending his blood pounding in his temples. He grits his teeth against the rising nausea.
“I didn’t realise you and jc are so close.”
“We’ve been spending a lot of time together.”
wwx looks at lxc suspiciously. “If you’re just latching onto him as some easy replacement for jgy -“
“We’ve been spending a lot of time together.”
wwx looks at lxc suspiciously. “If you’re just latching onto him as some easy replacement for jgy -“
There’s a twang as lxc’s finger slips. He sets his hands on top of his qin as he levels a firm stare at wwx. “I’ll excuse you this time, Wei-gongzi, but do not dare to presume to know my thoughts, or the relationship I have with Wanyin.”
wwx folds his arms defensively. “I’ve seen for myself how you were with jgy. You certainly weren’t subtle about it, and for you to turn around now, after spending so little time with jc -“
“Time does not dictate the depth of a relationship,” lxc bites out.
“Time does not dictate the depth of a relationship,” lxc bites out.
“And I’m telling you again, do not presume to know anything about the relationship I have with Wanyin.”
“If jc isn’t your fated one then of course he’s a replacement! You shouldn’t be getting his hopes up like this - it’s cruel and wrong for you to do so!”
“If jc isn’t your fated one then of course he’s a replacement! You shouldn’t be getting his hopes up like this - it’s cruel and wrong for you to do so!”
Little does he know jc has woken, lying in bed behind wwx with his eyes closed, brows furrowed. He’s still under the haze of meds so he can’t wake fully, unable to move or open his eyes, but he can hear them full well.
lxc stands from his qin. “I will hear no more of this. The relationship I have with Wanyin is our own, and you have as much place in it as I do in your marriage with Wangji. You are entitled to your opinion, and I am entitled to disregard it.”
wwx steps closer. “I will not give my blessings for this. I won’t let jc be used by you like this!”
“Is that all you have to say? If so, then please leave. You’re disturbing his rest.”
“He’s knocked out,” wwx says. “And if you think you’re helping him by pitying him like this,
“Is that all you have to say? If so, then please leave. You’re disturbing his rest.”
“He’s knocked out,” wwx says. “And if you think you’re helping him by pitying him like this,
then you’re the one killing him off faster than he can do it himself.”
lxc is livid. “Get out,” he says harshly. “You know nothing, and yet you speak with such arrogance. You are in no position to speak for a man you renounced and abandoned.”
lxc is livid. “Get out,” he says harshly. “You know nothing, and yet you speak with such arrogance. You are in no position to speak for a man you renounced and abandoned.”
“Better than a man that thinks his pity is enough of a substitute for real love.”
“Enough!” lxc waves his arm, the wind ruffling wwx’s hair, just a hint of what lxc is capable of. “Leave.”
“Enough!” lxc waves his arm, the wind ruffling wwx’s hair, just a hint of what lxc is capable of. “Leave.”
“I’m not leaving because of you, but because I’m gonna be the one to find a way to save jc. Stay here and play all the qin you want - you’re the one doing him harm by staying.”
wwx flounces out, lxc sending a shot of energy to slam the doors shut after him.
wwx flounces out, lxc sending a shot of energy to slam the doors shut after him.
The painting sways on the display, and lxc goes to stand in front of it. There is no way he’ll allow jc to even have a shred of doubt as to his intentions or his feelings.
He sighs, going to sit by the bed and check on jc, who’s frowning, lips pursed into a tiny pout.
He sighs, going to sit by the bed and check on jc, who’s frowning, lips pursed into a tiny pout.
lxc gently presses his thumb to the furrow, smoothing it out, fingertips brushing away the loose fringe from jc’s face.
“I’ll make you see,” he whispers to jc. He has no idea jc is still conscious. “You will never have to doubt me.”
“I’ll make you see,” he whispers to jc. He has no idea jc is still conscious. “You will never have to doubt me.”
lxc wonders what jc is dreaming of when he sees jc relax in sleep.
“Sleep well. I’ll be here.” He gives one last brush to jc’s cheek before he goes back to his qin.
“Sleep well. I’ll be here.” He gives one last brush to jc’s cheek before he goes back to his qin.
When jl and Fairy arrive after morning training, the first thing jl does is a double take in front of the painting. His eyes scan over it, settling on the painted jc.
“This is yours, Zewu-jun?”
“A gift to your jiujiu,” lxc says calmly.
“This is yours, Zewu-jun?”
“A gift to your jiujiu,” lxc says calmly.
“Hm.” jl inspects the painting some more before slanting his gaze back to lxc. “What sort of gift?” he asks.
“What sort of gift does Sect Leader Jin think it is?” lxc takes a sip of tea. His smile widens when jl crosses his arms with a scowl. He looks so much like jc.
“What sort of gift does Sect Leader Jin think it is?” lxc takes a sip of tea. His smile widens when jl crosses his arms with a scowl. He looks so much like jc.
jl squints suspiciously at lxc. He knew it. He knew it! He was right that there was something weird between his jiujiu and Zewu-jun! And now oyzz’s won their bet that Zewu-jun left seclusion because jc is his fated one! Ugh, ljy will never let him live this one down.
Wait - is jiujiu really Zewu-jun’s fated one? If so, why did it take so long for Zewu-jun to figure out? Is Zewu-jun taking advantage of jiujiu?!
“I’ll have you know jiujiu is actually really sought after. He’s old but he looks young, and he’s the leader of a great sect,
“I’ll have you know jiujiu is actually really sought after. He’s old but he looks young, and he’s the leader of a great sect,
and he’s the best combat fighter there is, and his cultivation is super strong, and he’s super smart too, and those stupid matchmakers have no idea what they’re doing just cuz those stupid women wanted jiujiu to send me back to Koi Tower.”
“I am aware of your jiujiu’s assets.”
“I am aware of your jiujiu’s assets.”
jl frowns. “When did this happen?”
lxc hums but doesn’t answer.
jl lifts his chin to stare down at lxc. “The Jiang family has no elders for you to gain approval, so you’ll have to go through me. Jiujiu will never agree to anyone unless I agree to them too.”
lxc hums but doesn’t answer.
jl lifts his chin to stare down at lxc. “The Jiang family has no elders for you to gain approval, so you’ll have to go through me. Jiujiu will never agree to anyone unless I agree to them too.”
“I have no doubt of that, Sect Leader Jin.”
“Unless you agree to what, you brat?”
“Jiujiu!” jl whirls around to the bed, Fairy giving a happy woof where she’s lying next to jc. He helps jc sit up, stuffing pillows behind his back haphazardly.
“Unless you agree to what, you brat?”
“Jiujiu!” jl whirls around to the bed, Fairy giving a happy woof where she’s lying next to jc. He helps jc sit up, stuffing pillows behind his back haphazardly.
lxc rises from his seat. “Wanyin, do you need anything?”
“No, I’m good.”
“Then I’ll just go get some fresh air before lunch,” lxc says smoothly, stepping out and gently closing the door.
jc looks at jl, who’s staring at the door with a frown. “How was training?”
“No, I’m good.”
“Then I’ll just go get some fresh air before lunch,” lxc says smoothly, stepping out and gently closing the door.
jc looks at jl, who’s staring at the door with a frown. “How was training?”
“It was good. I’m getting better at double handed combat!” But then jl stills. He knows jc is training him for Zidian, but it doesn’t hurt to know any less.
Growing up, jl had hated training with his non-dominant hand. It was stupid and completely useless.
Growing up, jl had hated training with his non-dominant hand. It was stupid and completely useless.
Zidian is jiujiu’s, and jiujiu was gonna be, like, 1000 years old when he died and by then jl would be, like, 980 so it wouldn’t pass to him anyway.
But now...now jiujiu is barely able to sit up by himself, and jl blinks back tears as jc sighs.
But now...now jiujiu is barely able to sit up by himself, and jl blinks back tears as jc sighs.
“Better is not good enough. Did you spar with Jiang Feng?”
“Yes,” jl pouts.
“Did you lose?”
jl’s pout grows.
jc sighs again. “Jin Ling, if you don’t care to discipline and train yourself, then how do you expect to lead your sect? You’re supposed to set an example as leader.”
“Yes,” jl pouts.
“Did you lose?”
jl’s pout grows.
jc sighs again. “Jin Ling, if you don’t care to discipline and train yourself, then how do you expect to lead your sect? You’re supposed to set an example as leader.”
“I’m leading my sect just fine!” jl says hotly.
jc doesn’t yell at him, and jl hates it, this eerie silence when there used to be angry shouting and empty threats and jl letting some steam out from screaming right back and then going to do whatever jiujiu had wanted anyway.
jc doesn’t yell at him, and jl hates it, this eerie silence when there used to be angry shouting and empty threats and jl letting some steam out from screaming right back and then going to do whatever jiujiu had wanted anyway.
“What were you talking about earlier with Zewu-jun? Agree to what?”
And now jl fixes his jiujiu with a suspicious look. No way jiujiu doesn’t know what Zewu-jun is doing.
...right?
“So...jiujiu...you and Zewu-jun...”
“What about us?”
And now jl fixes his jiujiu with a suspicious look. No way jiujiu doesn’t know what Zewu-jun is doing.
...right?
“So...jiujiu...you and Zewu-jun...”
“What about us?”
Oh my god there’s an “us”, jl thinks. He feels faint.
“Are you...happy?”
jc sighs, reaching up to pinch jl’s cheek lightly. “How can I be happy when I’m like this? I am content, and that is enough.”
“Are you...happy?”
jc sighs, reaching up to pinch jl’s cheek lightly. “How can I be happy when I’m like this? I am content, and that is enough.”
jl nods as if he understands. “Is Zewu-jun treating you well? I’ll break his legs if he isn’t!”
jc snorts out a laugh. “Of course he’s treating me well. Haven’t you seen him here all day, playing the qin for me?”
“Well yes...” jl leans closer. Jiujiu’s eyes are brighter, and
jc snorts out a laugh. “Of course he’s treating me well. Haven’t you seen him here all day, playing the qin for me?”
“Well yes...” jl leans closer. Jiujiu’s eyes are brighter, and
his lips have some colour back in them. He’s still deathly pale, but he doesn’t look on the verge of death anymore. “You look better, jiujiu.”
“I’ve been sleeping better at night.”
jl feels sick. “Cuz...Zewu-jun is, uh, with...you?” he manages to squeeze out.
“I’ve been sleeping better at night.”
jl feels sick. “Cuz...Zewu-jun is, uh, with...you?” he manages to squeeze out.
“Could be.” There’s a faint smile on jiujiu’s face and jl just about vomits in disgust.
He does NOT need to know ANYTHING about jiujiu’s nighttime activities or who he’s doing them with. Ugh, gross.
“What’s with that face?” jc asks.
jl coughs into his fist. “Um. Nothing.”
He does NOT need to know ANYTHING about jiujiu’s nighttime activities or who he’s doing them with. Ugh, gross.
“What’s with that face?” jc asks.
jl coughs into his fist. “Um. Nothing.”
“Go let Lan Xichen back in. He’s probably holding up lunch outside.”
jl does as he’s told, and lxc comes back in with a trail of servants with lunch. jl nags jc to eat more but jc just ignores him, drinking his bowl of disgusting meds and settling back down to sleep.
jl does as he’s told, and lxc comes back in with a trail of servants with lunch. jl nags jc to eat more but jc just ignores him, drinking his bowl of disgusting meds and settling back down to sleep.
jl moves to finish off his lunch at the table with lxc, and for some reason it infuriates him that lxc is so cool about the whole thing.
“You still need my approval,” jl says archly, when he catches lxc watching jiujiu with a smile.
“You still need my approval,” jl says archly, when he catches lxc watching jiujiu with a smile.
“Of course,” lxc says. He would never want to put jc in a position where he would have to choose between him or jl.
“I’m keeping an eye on you. If you dare hurt jiujiu -“
“I would never.”
jl still looks at him suspiciously. “Why did it take you so long?” he asks.
“I’m keeping an eye on you. If you dare hurt jiujiu -“
“I would never.”
jl still looks at him suspiciously. “Why did it take you so long?” he asks.
“Or is jiujiu not your fated one at all?”
“That’s a conversation for me and your jiujiu.”
jl is a bare second away from yelling at lxc but this is the first time someone is serious about courting jiujiu, and the two of them definitely have a weird aura when together,
“That’s a conversation for me and your jiujiu.”
jl is a bare second away from yelling at lxc but this is the first time someone is serious about courting jiujiu, and the two of them definitely have a weird aura when together,
something surprisingly intimate but totally obvious.
lxc starts playing again, and jl tries to read correspondence from his sect, but it’s no use. lxc’s music has too much spiritual energy in it, and just being in the same room is enough to give jl a headache.
lxc starts playing again, and jl tries to read correspondence from his sect, but it’s no use. lxc’s music has too much spiritual energy in it, and just being in the same room is enough to give jl a headache.
He leaves with a huff, Fairy keeping watch outside.
jl doesn’t like doing paperwork inside his rooms when he can be outside with the lotuses so he heads towards the floating pavilion. About an hour later wwx & lwj arrive.
“Jin Ling,” wwx greets, lwj stern and cold next to him.
jl doesn’t like doing paperwork inside his rooms when he can be outside with the lotuses so he heads towards the floating pavilion. About an hour later wwx & lwj arrive.
“Jin Ling,” wwx greets, lwj stern and cold next to him.
jl ignores them.
“Look, I just want to talk to you about Jiang Cheng.”
jl ignores them some more and wwx rolls his eyes.
“Sect Leader Jin, do you have a few moments to discuss Sect Leader Jiang’s situation?”
“What situation would that be?” jl takes a sip of tea.
“Look, I just want to talk to you about Jiang Cheng.”
jl ignores them some more and wwx rolls his eyes.
“Sect Leader Jin, do you have a few moments to discuss Sect Leader Jiang’s situation?”
“What situation would that be?” jl takes a sip of tea.
wwx sits at the table, and jl hates the way wwx acts so familiarly but bites his tongue. He will hear out wwx. “Have you seen the painting Zewu-jun gave him?”
“What about it?”
“What about it?”
“Well it’s obviously a courtship gift. We can’t let Jiang Cheng be some sort of cheap replacement of jgy. I respect Zewu-jun, and I’m sure you do too, but I think we can both agree that this is not a good idea.”
“Are you saying my jiujiu isn’t good enough to be Zewu-jun’s fated one?”
“Yes,” lwj mutters, and jl shoots him a glare.
“What business is it of yours, Hanguang-jun?” jl asks coolly. “I never realised that the identity of a fated one could be dictated by someone else.”
“Yes,” lwj mutters, and jl shoots him a glare.
“What business is it of yours, Hanguang-jun?” jl asks coolly. “I never realised that the identity of a fated one could be dictated by someone else.”
“I will not let my brother go down this wayward path.”
“I see that Zewu-jun has failed in preventing /your/ wayward path,” jl scoffs. “As far as I’m aware, he’s a grown man and leader of one of the four large sects. Unless you deem him unable to make decisions for himself,
“I see that Zewu-jun has failed in preventing /your/ wayward path,” jl scoffs. “As far as I’m aware, he’s a grown man and leader of one of the four large sects. Unless you deem him unable to make decisions for himself,
you have no standing to make them for him, least of all when it comes to deciding on a soulmate.”
wwx waves his attention away from lwj. “Jin Ling, I know how important Jiang Cheng is to you. He’s important to me too.”
wwx waves his attention away from lwj. “Jin Ling, I know how important Jiang Cheng is to you. He’s important to me too.”
“So important you broke your promise to remain by his side,” jl mutters, and wwx bristles but presses on.
“I can’t let him be used like this.”
“Let me get this straight,” jl says. “You don’t approve of Zewu-jun courting my jiujiu because he’s not Zewu-jun’s fated one.
“I can’t let him be used like this.”
“Let me get this straight,” jl says. “You don’t approve of Zewu-jun courting my jiujiu because he’s not Zewu-jun’s fated one.
You think Zewu-jun is using jiujiu as a replacement for my shushu. Is that correct?”
“Yes!” wwx says, exasperated. “I don’t understand why you’re not more worried about this!”
“I don’t understand why you are. My jiujiu deserves the best, and Zewu-jun seems good enough.”
“Yes!” wwx says, exasperated. “I don’t understand why you’re not more worried about this!”
“I don’t understand why you are. My jiujiu deserves the best, and Zewu-jun seems good enough.”
“Not if he’s just being used! Of course he deserves a partner but not like this! Look, Jin Ling, Jiang Cheng will listen to you if you talk to him about this. Let’s just break it off early, or it’ll hurt more later on.”
“I think it’s ridiculously presumptuous of you to insert yourself into someone else’s courtship. If my jiujiu says yes, why would I deprive him of happiness? You say this because you look down on my jiujiu,” jl says accusingly. “You can’t believe he would be someone’s fated one,
and you can’t believe he would ever be anything other than a replacement.” jl stands from his seat, sneering at wwx and shooting another glare at lwj. “I will protect jiujiu, but it seems like I need to protect him from you and not from Zewu-jun.”
jl storms off, ignoring wwx’s calls of his name. He’s shaking, and it isn’t until he’s inside his rooms that he lets the tears escape.
Fated one or not, jiujiu seems happy when he’s with Zewu-jun. jl will never begrudge jiujiu’s happiness,
Fated one or not, jiujiu seems happy when he’s with Zewu-jun. jl will never begrudge jiujiu’s happiness,
not when there’s been so little of it in his life. jl isn’t dumb - he hears things about jiujiu’s life that jiujiu always hides from him, not wanting to share any of the pain that he carries.
If Zewu-jun does hurt jiujiu or make him sad for any reason, jl has plenty of time, energy, and resources to make Zewu-jun regret it for the rest of his life.
For now, jl will trust Zewu-jun.
For now, jl will trust Zewu-jun.
lxc doesn’t want to go back to his rooms at dinner. lwj and/or wwx are probably waiting for him to leave, and he cannot be bothered with them right now.
lxc will not be swayed on this. He may be known for benevolence but he is neither weak nor a fool. He knows what he’s doing.
lxc will not be swayed on this. He may be known for benevolence but he is neither weak nor a fool. He knows what he’s doing.
The only opinion that matters is jc’s, and he certainly seems receptive enough at this point.
lxc glances up to see jc looking at the painting again. He’s on his side, sleeping robes pulled loose around the collar. He looks so soft, and lxc gets that urge again,
lxc glances up to see jc looking at the painting again. He’s on his side, sleeping robes pulled loose around the collar. He looks so soft, and lxc gets that urge again,
to hide him away from all the hurt in the world. It’s odd, this feeling, because lxc also wants to show him off, wants everyone to know what a great, wonderful man jc is.
“Would it be alright if I stay for dinner?”
jc jolts, startled out of his repose before settling back down.
“Would it be alright if I stay for dinner?”
jc jolts, startled out of his repose before settling back down.
“Of course. But don’t you want time to yourself?”
“Truth be told you would be doing me a favour. I don’t want to deal with certain persons right now.”
jc huffs out a laugh. “I’ll have them set up a different room for you, near our pavilion. Avoid all you want.“
“Truth be told you would be doing me a favour. I don’t want to deal with certain persons right now.”
jc huffs out a laugh. “I’ll have them set up a different room for you, near our pavilion. Avoid all you want.“
lxc is thrilled. Our pavilion! “You’d do that for me?”
“Why not? It’s not like it’s hard, and it’s not like I can do anything else for you. Might as well make you comfortable.”
“Thank you, Wanyin.”
lxc’s warm smile makes jc shy away, cheeks flooding with heat.
“Why not? It’s not like it’s hard, and it’s not like I can do anything else for you. Might as well make you comfortable.”
“Thank you, Wanyin.”
lxc’s warm smile makes jc shy away, cheeks flooding with heat.
“I told you, it’s nothing,” he mumbles.
“It means a lot to me, that you would allow me to stay in the family quarters.”
“Shut up,” jc says, heaving himself up and turning the other way to stack up his pillows. “Why do you have to make it sound like that!”
“Sound like what?”
“It means a lot to me, that you would allow me to stay in the family quarters.”
“Shut up,” jc says, heaving himself up and turning the other way to stack up his pillows. “Why do you have to make it sound like that!”
“Sound like what?”
“You know exactly what.”
“Wanyin.” lxc moves smoothly to sit by the bed, where jc looks at him with wide eyes. “I really do mean it.”
“I know,” jc says grumpily, fixing his blanket so he doesn’t have to look at lxc or his stupid smile that makes jc’s heart turn somersaults.
“Wanyin.” lxc moves smoothly to sit by the bed, where jc looks at him with wide eyes. “I really do mean it.”
“I know,” jc says grumpily, fixing his blanket so he doesn’t have to look at lxc or his stupid smile that makes jc’s heart turn somersaults.
He always knew that lxc looked at him and saw nothing but a cruel, cold man. lxc may hide his emotions behind a calm, smiling mask, but his eyes are always honest, and they’ve never looked at jc with anything more than disinterest or forced politeness before this whole debacle.
They might have shared a bond when jc was a child at cr, but lxc had looked at him then like he was a different person altogether. He had never seen Sect Leader Jiang, he had only seen a vulnerable child, and the days before jc left just showed that lxc hadn’t moved beyond that.
Now they’re here at lp, and jc can’t figure out what’s behind the tender, warm looks that lxc keeps giving him. He’s never seen lxc with that look on his face before, even towards lxc’s loved ones. It makes him nervous to be looked at like that, like he’s bare to lxc,
who looks deep enough to see his soul. He likes it, but he wants to hide from it. He’s not ready to have someone look at him like that, like he’s precious, like he’s deserving, like he’s...
jc stops his train of thought before it veers into dangerous territory.
jc stops his train of thought before it veers into dangerous territory.
“I don’t ever want to make you uncomfortable,” lxc says seriously. “But I do want you to know how I feel.”
“It’s fine,” jc says, pulling at his blanket. “I’m not uncomfortable or anything, I’m just...not used to it.”
lxc’s smile returns, and jc scowls.
“It’s fine,” jc says, pulling at his blanket. “I’m not uncomfortable or anything, I’m just...not used to it.”
lxc’s smile returns, and jc scowls.
“What’s with that stupid look on your face,” he says. “Stop it.”
“I’m just happy, Wanyin.”
jc is looking down, cheeks flushed into a glowing, healthy pink, when jl barges in without knocking.
“I’m just happy, Wanyin.”
jc is looking down, cheeks flushed into a glowing, healthy pink, when jl barges in without knocking.
He stops in the doorway, looking at both of them before entering. lxc is leaning towards jiujiu, his hand suspiciously close to jiujiu’s thigh, and is - is jiujiu blushing?! “What are you two doing?”
“Talking. What does it look like?” jc bites back and jl heaves a relieved sigh.
“Talking. What does it look like?” jc bites back and jl heaves a relieved sigh.
jc barely holds back the urge to shake his head. Youths. Who knows what strange things they’re thinking.
After dinner, lxc goes to settle in his new room and the servants come in to prepare jc’s bath. The painting is set off to the side, so Jiang Wei doesn’t see it until after
After dinner, lxc goes to settle in his new room and the servants come in to prepare jc’s bath. The painting is set off to the side, so Jiang Wei doesn’t see it until after
he’s helped jc in and he rounds the privacy screen to wait.
“Sect - Sect Leader, what is this?!”
“Hm?”
“This painting! This -“ Jiang Wei leans over to look closer. “Zewu-jun gave this to you?”
“Yes?”
“Sect - Sect Leader, what is this?!”
“Hm?”
“This painting! This -“ Jiang Wei leans over to look closer. “Zewu-jun gave this to you?”
“Yes?”
Jiang Wei cannot believe jc is so blasé about this. “And you accepted it just like that?”
“Just like what? Why wouldn’t I accept it?”
Jiang Wei thinks he’s about to spit blood. He can feel his temples pounding. “Sect Leader, how do you not know what this is?!”
“Just like what? Why wouldn’t I accept it?”
Jiang Wei thinks he’s about to spit blood. He can feel his temples pounding. “Sect Leader, how do you not know what this is?!”
jc is supremely annoyed as he says, “Well since you very clearly do, just spit it out and stop talking in circles!”
Jiang Wei can only despair at the naivety of his sect leader. “It’s a courtship gift,” he says slowly. “Sect Leader, you accepted a courtship gift from Zewu-jun.”
Jiang Wei can only despair at the naivety of his sect leader. “It’s a courtship gift,” he says slowly. “Sect Leader, you accepted a courtship gift from Zewu-jun.”
There’s a giant splash as jc flails in the water. “What?! How could that be? It’s just a painting of me, what do you mean courtship?!”
Jiang Wei despairs even more. “Sect Leader, he’s just told you through this painting that he thinks you’re immeasurably beautiful and precious
Jiang Wei despairs even more. “Sect Leader, he’s just told you through this painting that he thinks you’re immeasurably beautiful and precious
and that he holds you in the highest esteem. His feelings are obvious. And now you’ve given him rooms in the family quarters. You’ve basically just announced your engagement!”
jc’s heart skips a beat before it starts pounding rapidly, and he goes very, very still.
jc’s heart skips a beat before it starts pounding rapidly, and he goes very, very still.
Is this why wwx said all those things? Is this why jl acted so strangely? It all makes sense now, but it makes no sense at all - why would lxc want to court /him/? No, there has to be some sort of misunderstanding. He says so, and Jiang Wei just sighs.
“No, Sect Leader. There is no misunderstanding.”
jc doesn’t reply.
When Jiang Wei has helped jc out of the bath, he takes down the painting and gives it to jc. “Take a closer look, Sect Leader,” he says. “There is no mistake, no misunderstanding. Zewu-jun means to court you.”
jc doesn’t reply.
When Jiang Wei has helped jc out of the bath, he takes down the painting and gives it to jc. “Take a closer look, Sect Leader,” he says. “There is no mistake, no misunderstanding. Zewu-jun means to court you.”
He leaves jc staring at the painting in his hands.
jc is still sitting quietly on the bed when lxc comes in with a happy smile.
“Lan Xichen,” jc greets, and lxc’s smile melts away at the serious tone.
“Yes? Is something the matter?” When he nears the bed, he sees
jc is still sitting quietly on the bed when lxc comes in with a happy smile.
“Lan Xichen,” jc greets, and lxc’s smile melts away at the serious tone.
“Yes? Is something the matter?” When he nears the bed, he sees
that jc is holding the rolled up scroll. His stomach begins a slow sinking. “You took it down.”
jc can’t look at him. “Lan Xichen, be honest with me.”
“Always.”
“Is this a courtship gift?”
“Yes,” lxc says immediately.
jc’s head snaps up to look at him incredulously. “What?”
jc can’t look at him. “Lan Xichen, be honest with me.”
“Always.”
“Is this a courtship gift?”
“Yes,” lxc says immediately.
jc’s head snaps up to look at him incredulously. “What?”
“Yes,” lxc repeats. “It’s a courtship gift. I had thought...” He takes a steadying breath. “I had hoped you would know of my feelings when you saw it.”
jc frowns, frustrated. “If you don’t say, how am I supposed to know?”
lxc frowns also. “I thought it was obvious.”
jc frowns, frustrated. “If you don’t say, how am I supposed to know?”
lxc frowns also. “I thought it was obvious.”
“Not to me!”
jc’s voice rings in the room as lxc stays silent.
lxc swallows hard, drawing his courage to continue. “Does this mean...you’re not...amenable?”
“No!”
lxc can actually feel his heart break.
“No, not - I don’t know!” jc feels so frustrated.
jc’s voice rings in the room as lxc stays silent.
lxc swallows hard, drawing his courage to continue. “Does this mean...you’re not...amenable?”
“No!”
lxc can actually feel his heart break.
“No, not - I don’t know!” jc feels so frustrated.
It’s all happening so quickly - he hadn’t even realised lxc had these feelings for him - “This is just - just too much right now.”
“I see. I understand.” lxc turns to leave. He cannot be here, not right now. He needs time to himself, to recover.
“Lan Xichen.”
“I see. I understand.” lxc turns to leave. He cannot be here, not right now. He needs time to himself, to recover.
“Lan Xichen.”
He looks back. “Yes?”
jc holds out the scroll to him.
“It’s a gift,” lxc says quietly.
“I can’t keep it if I’m not - if we’re not...”
“Jiang Wanyin, it’s a gift. I gave it with hope, but no expectations.“
“Lan Xichen, I...I just need some time,” jc says quietly.
jc holds out the scroll to him.
“It’s a gift,” lxc says quietly.
“I can’t keep it if I’m not - if we’re not...”
“Jiang Wanyin, it’s a gift. I gave it with hope, but no expectations.“
“Lan Xichen, I...I just need some time,” jc says quietly.
lxc doesn’t try to force a smile. He will only ever be honest with jc.
There is no music that night.
=====
“Where’s the painting?” jl asks first thing in the morning, without even a greeting.
There is no music that night.
=====
“Where’s the painting?” jl asks first thing in the morning, without even a greeting.
“Took it down,” jc grumps. He’s had a sleepless night, tossing and turning. He still can’t believe that lxc has these feelings for him, even when it’s been laid out bare for everyone to see.
“What? Why?!”
jc fixes a glare at him. “Did you know what it was?”
“What? Why?!”
jc fixes a glare at him. “Did you know what it was?”
jl gives him dead eyes in return. “Uh, yeah, everyone knows.”
“You knew it was a courtship gift and you didn’t tell me!”
“Jiujiu is so stupid! What’s so bad about being courted by Zewu-jun?!”
“What’s so - do you even know what you’re saying?!”
“You knew it was a courtship gift and you didn’t tell me!”
“Jiujiu is so stupid! What’s so bad about being courted by Zewu-jun?!”
“What’s so - do you even know what you’re saying?!”
jl stomps his foot. “Of course I do! I already gave Zewu-jun permission!”
“You what?!” jc thinks he’s gonna have an aneurysm.
“Where’s the painting?” jl demands again.
jc will never admit that he slept next to it last night. “Right here, why?”
“You what?!” jc thinks he’s gonna have an aneurysm.
“Where’s the painting?” jl demands again.
jc will never admit that he slept next to it last night. “Right here, why?”
jl yanks it from him, pulling the ribbon and holding it up dramatically as it rolls out. “Look, jiujiu!”
“I’ve seen it already!”
“Look again!” jl jabs his finger at the painting. “I know you saw it too! Zewu-jun has real feelings for you! Why is jiujiu being so stupid!”
“I’ve seen it already!”
“Look again!” jl jabs his finger at the painting. “I know you saw it too! Zewu-jun has real feelings for you! Why is jiujiu being so stupid!”
“You’re the one that’s stupid!” jc shouts back childishly. “He’s just confused, it’s not real!”
“Wow,” jl says quietly. “Out of everyone in the whole world, I never thought jiujiu would be the one to try and tell Zewu-jun that he’s not feeling what he’s actually feeling.”
“Wow,” jl says quietly. “Out of everyone in the whole world, I never thought jiujiu would be the one to try and tell Zewu-jun that he’s not feeling what he’s actually feeling.”
jc is silent. It hurts, what jl said, because jl is right.
“Take a closer look, jiujiu. You have eyes and a brain. Any idiot would be able to tell Zewu-jun’s feelings. Jiujiu is being stupid and refusing to see.”
“Take a closer look, jiujiu. You have eyes and a brain. Any idiot would be able to tell Zewu-jun’s feelings. Jiujiu is being stupid and refusing to see.”
He places the painting gently on the bed before spinning on his heel and stomping out.
The doors are open when lxc arrives well into the morning, giving a hesitant knock.
“Come in.”
jc is sitting up in bed, and lxc stands there awkwardly, fiddling with his sleeves.
The doors are open when lxc arrives well into the morning, giving a hesitant knock.
“Come in.”
jc is sitting up in bed, and lxc stands there awkwardly, fiddling with his sleeves.
He hurts all over, and the image reflected back at him this morning shows a drawn, tired man, none of the brilliance of his title.
“Sect Leader Jiang. I wasn’t sure if -“
“Stop with the formalities, Lan Xichen,” jc says roughly. “Didn’t we agree it wasn’t necessary between us?”
“Sect Leader Jiang. I wasn’t sure if -“
“Stop with the formalities, Lan Xichen,” jc says roughly. “Didn’t we agree it wasn’t necessary between us?”
“Yes, well. Since I made you so obviously uncomfortable yesterday...”
“I told you, you don’t make me uncomfortable. I’m just not used to it. I never...I never expected it. I’ve never been...no one’s ever...”
“Oh.” lxc doesn’t know what to say.
“I told you, you don’t make me uncomfortable. I’m just not used to it. I never...I never expected it. I’ve never been...no one’s ever...”
“Oh.” lxc doesn’t know what to say.
jc looks so lost, so confused, but it slowly fills lxc with hope that had seemed impossible last night. He steels himself. Didn’t he say he would leave jc with no doubt?
“That’s alright,” lxc says, heart in his throat. “If you’re not used to it, I’ll keep at it until you are.”
“That’s alright,” lxc says, heart in his throat. “If you’re not used to it, I’ll keep at it until you are.”
“Lan Xichen,” jc mumbles. His face feels hot. “You’re shameless.”
“Only for you...Wanyin.”
jc holds the scroll out without looking at him. “Just put up this stupid painting. But I’m telling you now that doesn’t mean anything. Don’t get any stupid ideas.”
“Only for you...Wanyin.”
jc holds the scroll out without looking at him. “Just put up this stupid painting. But I’m telling you now that doesn’t mean anything. Don’t get any stupid ideas.”
lxc smiles. “But does Wanyin like it?”
“It’s whatever.”
lxc catches jc’s wrist as he reaches for the scroll. He feels the quick thrum of jc’s pulse under his thumb, and jc blushes furiously as lxc slides his fingertips over his hand, but doesn’t pull back.
“It’s whatever.”
lxc catches jc’s wrist as he reaches for the scroll. He feels the quick thrum of jc’s pulse under his thumb, and jc blushes furiously as lxc slides his fingertips over his hand, but doesn’t pull back.
lxc’s heart swells with new hope as he beams as jc.
That night, when lxc arrives after jc’s bath and there’s only a glare from Jiang Wei and a hissed, “You better watch yourself,” he takes it as another victory.
=====
That night, when lxc arrives after jc’s bath and there’s only a glare from Jiang Wei and a hissed, “You better watch yourself,” he takes it as another victory.
=====
“Xiongzhang.”
lxc sighs. He had left the inner courtyards to paint the pier at night, and he had thought lwj would be asleep.
“Xiongzhang has been avoiding me. Why?” lwj sounds hurt, and lxc turns to face him properly.
“Because, Wanyin is not up for discussion.”
lxc sighs. He had left the inner courtyards to paint the pier at night, and he had thought lwj would be asleep.
“Xiongzhang has been avoiding me. Why?” lwj sounds hurt, and lxc turns to face him properly.
“Because, Wanyin is not up for discussion.”
lwj is quiet for a while before he responds. “I want only to protect Xiongzhang.”
“I know, but I don’t need you to.”
“I just don’t understand why it has to be Jiang Wanyin.”
lxc folds his hands into his sleeves. “You don’t need to.”
“Xiongzhang, I am your blood brother -“
“I know, but I don’t need you to.”
“I just don’t understand why it has to be Jiang Wanyin.”
lxc folds his hands into his sleeves. “You don’t need to.”
“Xiongzhang, I am your blood brother -“
“And I value your opinion. But you’re wrong. I will hear no more on this.”
lwj just looks at him, and lxc wavers.
“Wangji, you know I never approved of your relationship with wwx. Did you listen to me?”
“Wei Ying‘s situation is different.”
lwj just looks at him, and lxc wavers.
“Wangji, you know I never approved of your relationship with wwx. Did you listen to me?”
“Wei Ying‘s situation is different.”
“Only to you. To me, I accept him as your partner, but I do not particularly care for him.“
“You congratulated us on our marriage. You were happy for us.”
“Because you’re my brother and he’s your fated one. I‘m happy that you’re happy. Jiang Wanyin is that for me.
“You congratulated us on our marriage. You were happy for us.”
“Because you’re my brother and he’s your fated one. I‘m happy that you’re happy. Jiang Wanyin is that for me.
How can you not understand he is worthy of love even when you’re surrounded by those that love him so fiercely?“
There is a pinched, agitated look on lwj’s face.
There is a pinched, agitated look on lwj’s face.
“Wangji, you know as well as I do that part of the hostility between you two is because you deliberately sought to antagonise him at every turn.“
The press of lwj’s lips is acknowledgment, but lwj remains stubborn.
The press of lwj’s lips is acknowledgment, but lwj remains stubborn.
lxc sighs. “Have you considered that Wanyin is willing to make concessions for you because you’re married to wwx? Do you really think you’d be allowed to stay at lp without his explicit approval?”
lwj’s mouth softens the slightest.
lwj’s mouth softens the slightest.
“Have you forgotten already that he allows wwx to wander lp at his will? Even with no rights as an outsider?”
“Xiongzhang is an outsider too.”
“Hopefully not for long.” lxc sniffs. “Wangji, you have been spoiled for too long now. You have to
“Xiongzhang is an outsider too.”
“Hopefully not for long.” lxc sniffs. “Wangji, you have been spoiled for too long now. You have to
make sacrifices for the ones you love, and this will have to be one of them.”
He turns, walking towards the edge of the pier. He hears footsteps follow him, and he smiles. His brother’s stubbornness may be legendary, but he is still a good person.
He turns, walking towards the edge of the pier. He hears footsteps follow him, and he smiles. His brother’s stubbornness may be legendary, but he is still a good person.
When he begins painting, he asks lwj, “Are you still researching?”
“No. Wei Ying refuses to accept reality. He’s squandering away his days, trying to draw up a new talisman or to invent a new medical procedure.”
“What have you been doing then?”
“The usual.”
“No. Wei Ying refuses to accept reality. He’s squandering away his days, trying to draw up a new talisman or to invent a new medical procedure.”
“What have you been doing then?”
“The usual.”
lxc gives him a side look. “Have you not tried to make any friends at all? Or have you already offended too many Jiang disciples in the past?”
He waits patiently during lwj’s silence.
“One of the older children. Jiang Rong’s nephew, Li Zewei.
He waits patiently during lwj’s silence.
“One of the older children. Jiang Rong’s nephew, Li Zewei.
He prefers the arts to martial training. I’m helping him with the qin.”
“See? That’s good. You’re enjoying yourself aren’t you. I bet you miss teaching the disciples at cr.“
“...”
The two brothers sit quietly under the moonlight, and lxc smiles as he paints until dawn.
=====
“See? That’s good. You’re enjoying yourself aren’t you. I bet you miss teaching the disciples at cr.“
“...”
The two brothers sit quietly under the moonlight, and lxc smiles as he paints until dawn.
=====
To be honest, wwx has known all along that the simplest way to solve jc’s problem is to have another core transfer, to remove the one that his body is rejecting.
His body doesn’t want it - so remove it.
But wwx can’t do that to jc. Not when everything now is exactly what
His body doesn’t want it - so remove it.
But wwx can’t do that to jc. Not when everything now is exactly what
wwx had hoped for when he gave jc his core: jc’s revenge has been taken, Yunmeng is greater than ever before, Jin Ling is safe and strong, and jc’s position as sect leader is secure and unquestioned.
jc flourished because of the core, and wwx will not and cannot take it from him
jc flourished because of the core, and wwx will not and cannot take it from him
no matter how much jc hates what he’s done.
Besides, worst case scenario is that there’s a revolving queue of people to continually pass jc spiritual energy. He’s pretty sure all of jc’s senior disciples would line up to offer themselves.
Besides, worst case scenario is that there’s a revolving queue of people to continually pass jc spiritual energy. He’s pretty sure all of jc’s senior disciples would line up to offer themselves.
“Hey, Jiang Cheng?” wwx whispers. lxc is playing quietly after wwx asked to speak to jc. Things are still stilted between them but there’s an unspoken agreement that they will be civil when jc is there.
“Hm?” jc is falling asleep, but wwx wants to catch him when he’s unguarded.
“Hm?” jc is falling asleep, but wwx wants to catch him when he’s unguarded.
“Do you hate me?”
“Stupid.”
“Why not?”
jc’s eyes slit open. “Wei Wuxian. I’ve had 13 years to deal with it. I’ve grown. You haven’t. Stop being stuck in the past.”
“If you have truly forgiven me, then none of this would be happening.”
“Stupid.”
“Why not?”
jc’s eyes slit open. “Wei Wuxian. I’ve had 13 years to deal with it. I’ve grown. You haven’t. Stop being stuck in the past.”
“If you have truly forgiven me, then none of this would be happening.”
“Cuz I haven’t had 13 years to deal with this particular shitstorm,” jc mumbles.
“Do you blame me for shijie? For Jin Zixuan?”
“Of course I did. Wei Wuxian, you were and still are the most arrogant piece of shit. You think everything is under your control,
“Do you blame me for shijie? For Jin Zixuan?”
“Of course I did. Wei Wuxian, you were and still are the most arrogant piece of shit. You think everything is under your control,
that no one knows better. You ignored the responsibilities of the sect, you created so much trouble for me when we were at our weakest, and you betrayed me when I needed you most.”
wwx gives a wet laugh. “Sounds like you haven’t moved on at all.”
wwx gives a wet laugh. “Sounds like you haven’t moved on at all.”
“I have. Or else up you wouldn’t be here at all, you utter imbecile.” jc sighs. “I don’t want to hate anymore. It’s tiring, and why should I, when I have everything I wanted now.” He scowls. “Why are you being so weird? Are you finally leaving and giving me some peace?”
“Ha, of course not.” Then wwx sighs. “You’re doing better. That’s why I asked. I want to know if it’s cuz of me. If you’ve finally accepted the core because you’ve forgiven me.”
In the last few days, there’s been a couple times when wwx spies jc signing papers in the
In the last few days, there’s been a couple times when wwx spies jc signing papers in the
afternoons, jl at the table and lxc still playing quietly.
“You really are the most arrogant piece of shit in existence.”
jc thinks it’s more likely that lately he’s been imagining himself without a core at all, and the thought doesn’t bother him as much as it used to.
“You really are the most arrogant piece of shit in existence.”
jc thinks it’s more likely that lately he’s been imagining himself without a core at all, and the thought doesn’t bother him as much as it used to.
At his age, and facing the certainly of his death, he doesn’t feel the same despair that he had at 17. Back then there had been the need for revenge and the weight of his massacred sect on his shoulders. Now, with his sect and Jin Ling secure, there’s nothing left for him to do.
He’s content, core or not, and maybe that’s why he isn’t burning out so quickly anymore, not with lxc’s music energising him on the side. Which is good, he would like more time with his loved ones, and the hollowness that had swallowed him after the temple is also diminishing.
Is this what being at peace is truly supposed to be? Not resignation but true acceptance, no more emptiness inside him but calm tranquility?
It feels good, to not be so empty anymore.
“Stop wasting time, Wei Wuxian,” jc says. “We both know what’s happening.
It feels good, to not be so empty anymore.
“Stop wasting time, Wei Wuxian,” jc says. “We both know what’s happening.
If you won’t take your core back now, you can take it back when I’m gone.”
“Stop saying shit like that!” wwx feels so frustrated. “I told you I’d think of something!”
jc sighs. There’s no talking to wwx when he’s like this. “Do whatever you want then. I won’t stop you.”
“Stop saying shit like that!” wwx feels so frustrated. “I told you I’d think of something!”
jc sighs. There’s no talking to wwx when he’s like this. “Do whatever you want then. I won’t stop you.”
He pulls at his blanket. “Now go away, I’m tired.”
wwx helps him tuck the blanket under his chin. “I’ll come back soon.”
jc makes a grumbling sound but ignores him otherwise.
wwx watches him fall asleep, sitting there for a long while after that just watching jc breathe.
wwx helps him tuck the blanket under his chin. “I’ll come back soon.”
jc makes a grumbling sound but ignores him otherwise.
wwx watches him fall asleep, sitting there for a long while after that just watching jc breathe.
He did that also, all those years ago, when jc had his core burned out of him, his chest torn open from whips, delirious from an infection fever.
wwx saved him once, he will save him again.
He’s created a talisman to shield the core so it wouldn’t be affected by
wwx saved him once, he will save him again.
He’s created a talisman to shield the core so it wouldn’t be affected by
the spiritual energy attacking it, but the side effect is that it prevents the core from sending energy to the body. Then he created one that only acts one way so the core is shielded while able to send energy, but it fizzles out after only a few seconds no matter how many sigils
wwx adds to prolong the effect, rendering it essentially useless. He’s got a few more half-worked ideas, but he’s lost interest in most of them cuz he knows they won’t work.
He’s just missing one thing. Just one thing that he’s not seeing, and it’s driving him absolutely insane.
He’s just missing one thing. Just one thing that he’s not seeing, and it’s driving him absolutely insane.
When he gets up to go, his eyes land on heavy silk cloak. It’s a rich patterned purple glimmering with silver thread, and the way it’s hung lets wwx see the talismans embroidered into the lining. It is undoubtedly the work of cr tailors.
“This is from you also?” wwx asks.
“This is from you also?” wwx asks.
“What of it?”
There is no way lqr doesn’t know what’s happening now that lxc has involved others at cr.
“What does Old Man Lan think of all this?” He still remembers the way the disciples gossiped when lqr came all the way to scold lxc for leaving cr.
There is no way lqr doesn’t know what’s happening now that lxc has involved others at cr.
“What does Old Man Lan think of all this?” He still remembers the way the disciples gossiped when lqr came all the way to scold lxc for leaving cr.
lxc flashes him a look. “Not that it’s any of your business, but shufu likes Wanyin. He always has.”
wwx wants to wipe that smug look off lxc’s face. It’s never bothered him that people don’t like him, but he never thought that lqr, who disapproved of everything and everyone,
wwx wants to wipe that smug look off lxc’s face. It’s never bothered him that people don’t like him, but he never thought that lqr, who disapproved of everything and everyone,
would actually like someone like jc, who’s rude and temperamental at best.
They both look over when jc hums from the bed. “Xichen, water please.”
“Right here,” lxc says, hurrying over.
They both look over when jc hums from the bed. “Xichen, water please.”
“Right here,” lxc says, hurrying over.
There’s an ugly look on wwx’s face when jc’s asleep again and lxc turns around.
Nothing else is said as wwx leaves, slamming the doors shut after himself.
=====
Nothing else is said as wwx leaves, slamming the doors shut after himself.
=====
A couple weeks later, jc is feeling better.
He’s obviously better, so Healer Yu has stopped giving sleep inducing meds, brewing him strong nourishment tonics instead. He needs some help to move around, but not inside his small room where it takes just a few steps to cross.
He’s obviously better, so Healer Yu has stopped giving sleep inducing meds, brewing him strong nourishment tonics instead. He needs some help to move around, but not inside his small room where it takes just a few steps to cross.
Still, it allows jc to see his disciples again, watching over morning drills under a shaded seat, and the outpouring of excitement at seeing him each morning surprises and warms him. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of that feeling.
The hollowness inside him is fading, and jc finds himself laughing more, smiling more, even eating more. His emptiness is slowly filling up with warmth and security, and those closest to him are bewildered but beyond delighted at jc’s slow but steady recovery.
The routine he has with lxc has shifted also. Because lxc wakes at 5, he plays an energising tune for jc during breakfast, accompanies jc as he inspects training, and works on his own as jc takes his much needed naps in the afternoon.
lxc has started taking back some responsibilities from lqr; seeing jc work so hard while he’s still recovering motivates him even more - he may be mentally weaker than jc but there’s nothing so wrong with him that he can’t work.
The best part of their day is the evening where they would sit at their private pavilion, talking about anything and everything. They understand better than anyone else the weight of their birthright and the weight of shouldering the sect at a young age, though lxc had
the strength of his entire sect behind him. There’s nothing taboo between them, free to air frustrations and difficulties without worrying about judgement.
For lxc, best of all jc understands what it’s like to lose a sworn brother in such terrible circumstances.
For lxc, best of all jc understands what it’s like to lose a sworn brother in such terrible circumstances.
If it wasn’t for jc then wwx would still have his core and might not have turned to demonic cultivation.
If lxc had listened to nmj, if it wasn’t for lxc aiding jgy, then nmj might still be alive.
jc knows what it’s like to mourn someone that had done so many bad things,
If lxc had listened to nmj, if it wasn’t for lxc aiding jgy, then nmj might still be alive.
jc knows what it’s like to mourn someone that had done so many bad things,
to question if they are still allowed to love the good memories and hate what he’s done.
lxc is still immeasurably guilty that he had brushed aside jc and Yunmeng Jiang all those years ago, but jc is unbothered.
His heart aches at the knowledge that jc had no other option than
lxc is still immeasurably guilty that he had brushed aside jc and Yunmeng Jiang all those years ago, but jc is unbothered.
His heart aches at the knowledge that jc had no other option than
to be stronger and fiercer than anyone else, than any other sect leader, because he had only been 17 - still just a junior disciple - and as brilliant a strategist and fighter he was, he was completely overlooked and stepped on and deliberately given a hard time, especially by
those that had eyed Yunmeng’s resources and the Lotus Throne for themselves.
It’s funny that jc has to be the one telling lxc to look forward, when he’s the one so stuck in the past that he is trying to destroy the core inside him.
It’s funny that jc has to be the one telling lxc to look forward, when he’s the one so stuck in the past that he is trying to destroy the core inside him.
For wwx, he’s more confused than anything at why jc is apparently just healing himself. What changed for jc to finally accept the core? wwx talks to him every day. There isn’t anything noticeably different about jc. The way they converse isn’t any different, and
jc treats wwx as always. It’s driving wwx up the wall with the unknowns, though his focus has completely disappeared once jc started showing signs of improvement.
wwx spends his days wandering around lp instead, trying to impress a severely unimpressed Auntie Mei in the kitchens
wwx spends his days wandering around lp instead, trying to impress a severely unimpressed Auntie Mei in the kitchens
to wheedle treats from her, trying to give tips to disciples that brush him off and joining nighthunts where he and lwj are largely left on their own.
Now that he’s idling away his days, it really hits wwx that the old Yunmeng Jiang is gone.
Now that he’s idling away his days, it really hits wwx that the old Yunmeng Jiang is gone.
The disciples train differently, they use different formations during hunts, and the entire running of lp has been streamlined to extreme efficiency.
wwx is not used to being disregarded; at cr the juniors love him as much as the elders hate him, but at lp
wwx is not used to being disregarded; at cr the juniors love him as much as the elders hate him, but at lp
they stare at him distrustfully even as thank him for offering advice. His enthusiasm to stay at lp has diminished with this new realisation, and he and lwj have started making overnight trips for nighthunts. wwx will not admit he’s running away, but being at lp is difficult.
Truth be told, jc himself doesn’t know why he’s healing, but he has better things to do with his time: like Xianzhu showing off her newborn as Jiang Wei cries and Lizhu pokes the baby; like jl complaining ceaselessly about training (“I’m a sect leader
why do I still need to do drills?” - “To stay in peak condition; I don’t care if you’re 100, you’re doing drills.”); like having the children visit him in little groups, gifting him flowers and sweets and drawings because those will make Sect Leader feel better soon.
Like having those quiet, intimate moments with lxc, catching him by surprise each time, still so unused to the soft tenderness from lxc.
jc doesn’t want to question it anymore, doesn’t want to question all the good things in his life right now.
jc doesn’t want to question it anymore, doesn’t want to question all the good things in his life right now.
He knows he doesn’t deserve any of it, so he’ll enjoy it while it lasts instead of worrying about when all of it will be torn from him.
“What are those papers for?” wwx asks one day when he sees jc frowning over a thick stack of documents.
“What are those papers for?” wwx asks one day when he sees jc frowning over a thick stack of documents.
It’s late morning, and jc’s cheeks are a healthy pink from being in the sun as he supervised training. lxc is drafting a letter at the table and jc is perched in bed, propped up by a stack of pillows and working from a lap tray. Each time lxc looks up,
he smiles at the life on jc’s face. But he’s lost his smile now that wwx is butting his head into jc’s business, as if he has any right to know sect matters.
“Trade agreement with Yao’s sect. We revise it every year.”
“Trade agreement with Yao’s sect. We revise it every year.”
wwx laughs. “That guy keeps giving you so much shit. I mean, I’m surprised you haven’t just taken over his sect. They’re quite minor aren’t they? Barely able to recruit outside of the family cuz they all flock to Yunmeng anyway.”
jc gives him a sharp look.
jc gives him a sharp look.
“Literally what is wrong with you? That’s impossible, and you’d do well to remember that.”
wwx scoffs. “You could handle his sect just by yourself.”
“Just because I can doesn’t mean it’s possible.”
wwx makes a face, one that jc is intimately familiar with.
wwx scoffs. “You could handle his sect just by yourself.”
“Just because I can doesn’t mean it’s possible.”
wwx makes a face, one that jc is intimately familiar with.
It’s not just dissenting, it’s patronising, one that doesn’t understand why jc is too slow to see the answer.
jc grits his teeth. Obviously he doesn’t need to explain himself, but a small, ugly part inside of him needs to prove himself to wwx,
jc grits his teeth. Obviously he doesn’t need to explain himself, but a small, ugly part inside of him needs to prove himself to wwx,
that just because his entire existence is second best doesn’t mean he’s incapable of being sect leader.
“Yao has alliances with much of the minor sects in the area. They form a substantial force altogether. If I attack him unprovoked, our allies would abandon us and might even
“Yao has alliances with much of the minor sects in the area. They form a substantial force altogether. If I attack him unprovoked, our allies would abandon us and might even
support him instead. At the very least, the other large sects will act to stop us. Have you already forgotten the Wen-dogs?”
wwx’s entire face shifts.
jc continues. “Even if we win, we would become a pariah, and our existing trade and ally agreements would be rescinded
wwx’s entire face shifts.
jc continues. “Even if we win, we would become a pariah, and our existing trade and ally agreements would be rescinded
because we could no longer be trusted.”
wwx wants desperately to argue back. It’s all over his face, but he can’t. “At least you could sign a longer deal so he stops trying to take advantage of us each year. That’s what Jiang-shushu did.”
wwx wants desperately to argue back. It’s all over his face, but he can’t. “At least you could sign a longer deal so he stops trying to take advantage of us each year. That’s what Jiang-shushu did.”
The mention of jfm turns jc’s face to stone, and it takes a beat too long before jc speaks, quiet and eerily still. “Yunmeng has good climate for agriculture but that means many finished products need to be imported. We have a huge variety of crops, and even if there’s a
particularly bad year we can rely on freshwater products and reserves, but Yao is stupid enough to hope for it to renegotiate each year. He doesn’t see the bigger picture, and if it profits Yunmeng, the hassle is worth it.”
wwx is confused. “What bigger picture?”
wwx is confused. “What bigger picture?”
“I’ve been developing our medicinal crops for a few years now, and Yao imports 90% of his from us because it’s too expensive to import from others close enough to him. He’s landlocked, and all his freshwater products are from us. His territory isn’t large enough for him to
expand agriculture, and he’s increasingly dependent on his logging industry. This once a year thing just allows me to negotiate higher and higher rates each time.”
wwx’s eyes are glazed over. “How terribly dull.”
wwx’s eyes are glazed over. “How terribly dull.”
jc’s own shutter. “Yes, well these are necessarily evils to being a sect leader. Only half is nighthunts and fighting.”
wwx sighs. “Well, that was boring enough that I need a nap now. I’ll see you later, Jiang Cheng.” He waves at lxc. “Lan da-ge.”
wwx sighs. “Well, that was boring enough that I need a nap now. I’ll see you later, Jiang Cheng.” He waves at lxc. “Lan da-ge.”
lxc just nods at him before looking back at jc, who’s working with slumped shoulders now. “Wanyin, you do know you’re extremely successful, don’t you?”
jc snorts. “Every sect leader has to deal with this shit.”
jc snorts. “Every sect leader has to deal with this shit.”
“Not everyone pays attention to the details that have made your sect so successful.”
“What, finding typos and fixing grammar?”
“You know you do much more than that. I was rather impressed when you found that Sect Leader Xiang changed the wording to a minor sub-sub-clause.”
“What, finding typos and fixing grammar?”
“You know you do much more than that. I was rather impressed when you found that Sect Leader Xiang changed the wording to a minor sub-sub-clause.”
jc scowls at the memory. “Fucker wanted to control the fishing boats in the east lakes. As if I’d give him the chance.”
“It was sneaky and underhanded,” lxc agreed. “But you caught it. As you always do.“
jc scowls even harder. “That’s my job. It’s my responsibility.”
“It was sneaky and underhanded,” lxc agreed. “But you caught it. As you always do.“
jc scowls even harder. “That’s my job. It’s my responsibility.”
“You always go above and beyond,” lxc says. “I know when -“ he swallows hard, smile dimming. “- when da-ge was still alive he signed multi-year trade deals because he couldn’t be bothered to do it each year.”
“Sect Leader Nie was a man for the battlefield.”
“Sect Leader Nie was a man for the battlefield.”
He eyes lxc sceptically. “nhs is doing well also.”
“He relied so heavily on me and - and...” lxc takes a deep breath. “- and especially jgy to solve his problems. But he’s doing well now on his own. Perhaps no longer having a crutch helps more than solving his problems for him.”
“He relied so heavily on me and - and...” lxc takes a deep breath. “- and especially jgy to solve his problems. But he’s doing well now on his own. Perhaps no longer having a crutch helps more than solving his problems for him.”
“You do know that he knew everything that was happening, right? He orchestrated the whole thing?”
“Yes, well.” lxc’s gaze shifts over to the qin set aside the table. “He loved Mingjue very much.“
They’re quiet for a while, before jc shifts.
“Yes, well.” lxc’s gaze shifts over to the qin set aside the table. “He loved Mingjue very much.“
They’re quiet for a while, before jc shifts.
“Xichen, none of this was your fault in any way.”
“But the music - and I gave him the jade token -“ lxc chokes up, eyes tearing as he stares at his qin. He can’t look at it anymore, standing from the table and pretending to make a pot of tea.
“Xichen.”
lxc looks over.
“But the music - and I gave him the jade token -“ lxc chokes up, eyes tearing as he stares at his qin. He can’t look at it anymore, standing from the table and pretending to make a pot of tea.
“Xichen.”
lxc looks over.
jc is still scowling. There’s none of the pity that lxc hates, and he ends up smiling, just the tiniest bit. “Don’t be stupid. He would have thought of another way even without you. He wanted it done, and it would have happened either way.”
“That’s what I try to tell myself,” lxc says sadly. He brings the tea over to jc, who shifts the documents off the tray. “Wanyin...I feel like such a fool.”
“Well you’re not,” jc says flatly, in a tone that broaches no argument. “You were manipulated and betrayed.
“Well you’re not,” jc says flatly, in a tone that broaches no argument. “You were manipulated and betrayed.
It says nothing about you other than you genuinely loved and trusted jgy, and it says everything about what a rotten person he was instead.”
“Wanyin...” lxc scratches at the embroidery of jc’s blanket. He doesn’t know how to say it; he’s been so confident in pursuing jc so far,
“Wanyin...” lxc scratches at the embroidery of jc’s blanket. He doesn’t know how to say it; he’s been so confident in pursuing jc so far,
but bringing up jgy makes him supremely uncomfortable. They absolutely have to talk about it though, because lxc will not have jc misunderstanding anything about his feelings.
“I feel like you are still labouring under the misconception that I was in love with jgy.”
“I feel like you are still labouring under the misconception that I was in love with jgy.”
“It’s fine,” jc says. “I believe in you.” jc isn’t much of a replacement, and lxc’s earnestness has worn down his defences.
lxc inches his hand closer to jc’s until their fingertips touch. He glances up to see jc looking down at their hands, and he shifts closer on the bed.
lxc inches his hand closer to jc’s until their fingertips touch. He glances up to see jc looking down at their hands, and he shifts closer on the bed.
“Wanyin...I really do mean it. You are the one for me. The only one.”
jc just blinks at him, cheeks pink. “I know. You -“ He turns away then, unbearably shy under lxc’s dark gaze. “You’ve said it before.”
jc just blinks at him, cheeks pink. “I know. You -“ He turns away then, unbearably shy under lxc’s dark gaze. “You’ve said it before.”
The first time was at their pavilion, whispered just as jc drifted off against lxc’s shoulder. The next few times were during similarly intimate situations, always spoken softly into jc’s ear, but never so brazenly as now, in broad daylight and talking about such serious matters.
“There has never been anyone else. There will never be anyone else.”
lxc leans in even closer, until his fills the entirety of jc’s senses.
“Wanyin, you are the first and only.”
jc inhales sharply, blush darkening. “You...shameless!”
lxc leans in even closer, until his fills the entirety of jc’s senses.
“Wanyin, you are the first and only.”
jc inhales sharply, blush darkening. “You...shameless!”
It’s spoken with no strength, the air between them charged and heavy with anticipation.
“Yes,” lxc agrees, smiling as he catches the barely-there tremor of jc’s bottom lip. “For Wanyin’s smile, I will be the most shameless.”
“Yes,” lxc agrees, smiling as he catches the barely-there tremor of jc’s bottom lip. “For Wanyin’s smile, I will be the most shameless.”
Ah, Jiang Wanyin is so beautiful like this, with pink cheeks and a bashful smile, long lashes hiding his shy gaze.
“Xichen,” jc breathes out. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Mn,” lxc hums, lifting jc’s hand and brushing the very tips of his fingers against his lips.
“Xichen,” jc breathes out. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Mn,” lxc hums, lifting jc’s hand and brushing the very tips of his fingers against his lips.
He can see the tremble that shudders through jc, who pulls back his hand hastily, cradling it against his chest.
lxc pulls back with a wide smile. jc is so beautifully responsive, but he doesn’t want to go any further during the day when anyone could walk in on them at any time.
lxc pulls back with a wide smile. jc is so beautifully responsive, but he doesn’t want to go any further during the day when anyone could walk in on them at any time.
lxc is finding that he’s a more possessive and jealous man than he thought, and he will not share jc’s expressions and quiet words with anyone.
“Let me reheat the tea,” lxc says. “And you can rest before lunch.”
As if on cue, jc yawns. “Don’t need it,” he mumbles,
“Let me reheat the tea,” lxc says. “And you can rest before lunch.”
As if on cue, jc yawns. “Don’t need it,” he mumbles,
but by the time lxc turns around again he’s sprawled against his pillows, breathing deep and even.
lxc sits back down on the bed. “Wanyin?”
No answer, not even a hum.
“I’ll be here,” he whispers, and leaves jc sleeping with a soft brush to his cheek.
=====
lxc sits back down on the bed. “Wanyin?”
No answer, not even a hum.
“I’ll be here,” he whispers, and leaves jc sleeping with a soft brush to his cheek.
=====
“...Wanyin?”
“Hm?” jc is poring over jl’s “homework” - a treaty with reasoned amendments. It’s jc’s way of practical tutoring to challenge jl’s decisions; jl is still too young & there’s been too many times when he’s been caught off-guard by his council.
“Hm?” jc is poring over jl’s “homework” - a treaty with reasoned amendments. It’s jc’s way of practical tutoring to challenge jl’s decisions; jl is still too young & there’s been too many times when he’s been caught off-guard by his council.
“I just got a letter from shufu.”
“...’mkay.”
lxc can’t even find it in himself to be mad that jc is basically ignoring him. He knows how much effort jc puts into preparing jl for his role, and it warms his heart instead, widening his smile.
“...’mkay.”
lxc can’t even find it in himself to be mad that jc is basically ignoring him. He knows how much effort jc puts into preparing jl for his role, and it warms his heart instead, widening his smile.
“He‘d like to visit lp.”
“Teacher Lan is always welcome,” jc says absently, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. There’s a streak of ink on his cheek. Wanyin is unbelievably adorable sometimes.
“To see you, actually.”
That’s when jc looks up, blinking. “Is something wrong?”
“Teacher Lan is always welcome,” jc says absently, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. There’s a streak of ink on his cheek. Wanyin is unbelievably adorable sometimes.
“To see you, actually.”
That’s when jc looks up, blinking. “Is something wrong?”
“No,” lxc says, sitting at the edge of the bed. “It’s just that he knows I am courting you, and he’s requested a meeting to discuss details.”
jc frowns then. “What details?”
lxc has no idea either. “I’m not quite sure. You know we have no rituals or protocol -“ jc nods
jc frowns then. “What details?”
lxc has no idea either. “I’m not quite sure. You know we have no rituals or protocol -“ jc nods
“- and as far as I’m aware, Yunmeng Jiang have none either?”
And that’s when jc starts to look embarrassed. “Ah. Well. It’s not that we have none, it’s just...” He begins to flush, and not in the usual pretty pink. It’s a guilty red, darkening his ears and the back of his neck.
And that’s when jc starts to look embarrassed. “Ah. Well. It’s not that we have none, it’s just...” He begins to flush, and not in the usual pretty pink. It’s a guilty red, darkening his ears and the back of his neck.
“It’s not formal, just the bare minimum that most people do, like approval from parents and the blessings of the sect leader. And since there’s none for me...”
lxc’s heart sinks. He wants to give jc everything, including a proper courtship. “Is it just a meeting for approval?”
lxc’s heart sinks. He wants to give jc everything, including a proper courtship. “Is it just a meeting for approval?”
“Well...a timeline is decided and...um. Gifts are brought to show sincerity, but it’s not necessary for us, not when you’ve gifted me so many things already.”
lxc’s heart sinks further. “Wanyin...why didn’t you tell me any of this? I would have waited to do this properly.”
lxc’s heart sinks further. “Wanyin...why didn’t you tell me any of this? I would have waited to do this properly.”
jc looks at him then. “My parents are gone, and I am sect leader. If I say it’s proper, then it’s proper.” He looks away. “And besides, I haven’t done anything for you so far. I haven’t even given you anything.”
lxc is affronted on jc’s behalf. “You gifted me a set of exquisite brushes. That definitely counts.”
jc’s flush has returned to its usual pretty pink, blooming across his cheekbones. “It’s just a few brushes,” he grumbles.
jc’s flush has returned to its usual pretty pink, blooming across his cheekbones. “It’s just a few brushes,” he grumbles.
“Nothing as lovely as what you’ve given me,” he finishes softly, fingertips reaching up towards his hair.
lxc’s eyes land on jc’s bun, crowned by a curling snake headpiece commissioned by lxc, covered in bright purple amethysts and large black gem eyes.
lxc’s eyes land on jc’s bun, crowned by a curling snake headpiece commissioned by lxc, covered in bright purple amethysts and large black gem eyes.
If one looks very closely at the patterns of the tiny scales, they would look remarkably similar to the swirls of Gusu Lan clouds.
“Nothing is as lovely as you,” lxc murmurs. “And the greatest gift is the privilege to court you.”
“Nothing is as lovely as you,” lxc murmurs. “And the greatest gift is the privilege to court you.”
jc flushes deeper but doesn’t reply. “Anyway, Teacher Lan is welcome anytime at his convenience, to stay as long as he wishes.”
“I shall let him know then.”
lqr arrives three days later by boat with a huge retinue of servants, loaded with gifts for jc.
“I shall let him know then.”
lqr arrives three days later by boat with a huge retinue of servants, loaded with gifts for jc.
jc greets him at the pier, leading the way to the reception hall where he‘s prepared lqr’s preferred longjing tea and simple lotus paste pastries.
There’s a brief exchange of pleasantries before lqr brings forth some gifts to their host: fruit and delicacies from Gusu,
There’s a brief exchange of pleasantries before lqr brings forth some gifts to their host: fruit and delicacies from Gusu,
expensive biluochun teas, and jars of Emperor’s Smile as thanks for jc’s hospitality.
“Teacher Lan, you are too generous to our humble sect,” jc says. He knows lqr has never gifted Emperor’s Smile before because of the Lan sect rules, but this visit is for a marriage meeting,
“Teacher Lan, you are too generous to our humble sect,” jc says. He knows lqr has never gifted Emperor’s Smile before because of the Lan sect rules, but this visit is for a marriage meeting,
and anything to pad the gifts would naturally be added.
“It is also thanks for taking in my unruly nephew,” lqr says. Then pauses. “Both of my nephews.”
“It is no trouble at all. Xichen has been of immense help,” jc says, and lqr takes in the way his robes hang too loosely
“It is also thanks for taking in my unruly nephew,” lqr says. Then pauses. “Both of my nephews.”
“It is no trouble at all. Xichen has been of immense help,” jc says, and lqr takes in the way his robes hang too loosely
on his frame, the shade of pallor on his skin, the hollowness of his cheeks. No doubt lxc has been playing music for jc.
“At least he’s not completely useless,” lqr says, and lxc just smiles.
There’s more idle chatter before lqr retires to his rooms to rest, followed by lxc.
“At least he’s not completely useless,” lqr says, and lxc just smiles.
There’s more idle chatter before lqr retires to his rooms to rest, followed by lxc.
“How long has Sect Leader Jiang been ill?” lqr asks.
lxc takes a moment to answer, not wanting to reveal too much. “Too long.”
lqr frowns. “Xichen, I will ask you this only once. Are you sure Sect Leader Jiang is the one?”
“Yes,” lxc says firmly.
lxc takes a moment to answer, not wanting to reveal too much. “Too long.”
lqr frowns. “Xichen, I will ask you this only once. Are you sure Sect Leader Jiang is the one?”
“Yes,” lxc says firmly.
“Not just more misplaced sympathy?”
lxc’s smile disappears into something hard and cold. “No. I would never demean him so.”
lqr nods. “Very well.”
“Have I the blessings of our elders?”
“No,” lqr says shortly. “They want you to marry a woman, for direct heirs.”
lxc’s smile disappears into something hard and cold. “No. I would never demean him so.”
lqr nods. “Very well.”
“Have I the blessings of our elders?”
“No,” lqr says shortly. “They want you to marry a woman, for direct heirs.”
“I would sooner abdicate than leave Wanyin.”
lqr hums as he strokes his beard. His eyes are dark and opaque. “As I thought. They are not convinced he is your fated one. You will have to make your own case before them; there is only so much I can do.”
lqr hums as he strokes his beard. His eyes are dark and opaque. “As I thought. They are not convinced he is your fated one. You will have to make your own case before them; there is only so much I can do.”
“Of course. Thank you, shufu, for all you have done already.”
During his time at lp, lxc has seen all the work jc does caring for jl that goes completely unseen and unknown. lxc is now more grateful than ever to have his uncle on his side.
During his time at lp, lxc has seen all the work jc does caring for jl that goes completely unseen and unknown. lxc is now more grateful than ever to have his uncle on his side.
lqr softens visibly. “Tell me, how did your relationship with Sect Leader Jiang evolve into this? You have been sparse with information in your letters.”
“Yes,” lxc says, somewhat chastened. “It happened by chance, when he was at cr on business with wwx.”
“Yes,” lxc says, somewhat chastened. “It happened by chance, when he was at cr on business with wwx.”
“He is why you left seclusion?”
“Yes.”
lqr hums but makes no comment. Eventually he says, “The road may be long and winding, but it will lead to the same end.”
“Yes,” lxc agrees. He’s known jc for 20 years now, since jc had studied at cr. Well - not “known”, because
“Yes.”
lqr hums but makes no comment. Eventually he says, “The road may be long and winding, but it will lead to the same end.”
“Yes,” lxc agrees. He’s known jc for 20 years now, since jc had studied at cr. Well - not “known”, because
he didn’t really know jc, not until now, and he’s still learning new things about him every day.
They chat until it’s nearly dinner time, when lxc goes back to his room to freshen up and change into appropriate robes for dinner. jc is hosting a formal banquet for lqr,
They chat until it’s nearly dinner time, when lxc goes back to his room to freshen up and change into appropriate robes for dinner. jc is hosting a formal banquet for lqr,
though he skips the dance performances because he knows lqr doesn’t care for them.
When lqr enters the hall and sees lwj with wwx, he pauses. lwj goes to greet him with a deep bow and a quiet “Shufu.”
wwx bobs his head with a cheeky grin. “Teacher Lan. Are you here for jc?“
When lqr enters the hall and sees lwj with wwx, he pauses. lwj goes to greet him with a deep bow and a quiet “Shufu.”
wwx bobs his head with a cheeky grin. “Teacher Lan. Are you here for jc?“
wwx never thought it’d get so far, to the meeting of families, but no matter how much he wheedled jc, he was flatly ignored on the issue of lxc. lwj still disapproved, but he had told wwx there was no point in convincing lxc either. Maybe if lqr opposes the marriage?
(He ignores the fact that he & lwj married anyway with lqr’s disapproval. jc is different. He wouldn’t do something like that, would probably have an aneurysm just thinking about doing something so improper.)
But lqr just harrumphs and goes to jc instead, who’s flanked by his SIC and TIC. The three of them bow to him - properly - and he returns their greeting. jc leads him to his seat first before taking his own. lqr is the guest of honour & lxc sits next to him.
Across from them are jl and jc’s men. lwj & wwx are next to lxc, at the very end.
The night begins with a toast of tea in place of wine, though not for wwx, and more empty pleasantries are exchanged as the food is served. Musicians play unobtrusively off to the side, and
The night begins with a toast of tea in place of wine, though not for wwx, and more empty pleasantries are exchanged as the food is served. Musicians play unobtrusively off to the side, and
there’s only quiet whispering between jc’s men as they eat.
lqr eats silently as always, noting that jc has made vegetarian versions of famous Yunmeng cuisine. jc’s eye for detail and attentiveness is something that lqr has liked about him since his days at cr.
lqr eats silently as always, noting that jc has made vegetarian versions of famous Yunmeng cuisine. jc’s eye for detail and attentiveness is something that lqr has liked about him since his days at cr.
The boy is much more sensitive than his father was, has a much bigger heart that loves and loves and loves.
lqr has known jfm since they were teenagers and studied together at cr. With his older brother in seclusion, lqr also saw jfm quite a bit for intersect matters.
lqr has known jfm since they were teenagers and studied together at cr. With his older brother in seclusion, lqr also saw jfm quite a bit for intersect matters.
He still remembers the way jfm flew to cr after wwx’s fight with jzx.
lqr will never understand how the man could be so warm and loving to his ward, but so cold and dismissive towards his own flesh and blood. He had thought it vile gossip until he had seen it with his own eyes.
lqr will never understand how the man could be so warm and loving to his ward, but so cold and dismissive towards his own flesh and blood. He had thought it vile gossip until he had seen it with his own eyes.
It’s what prompted him to check in on jc after he was essentially left alone to finish his year of study - the other ymj disciples lacked his discipline and diligence, and jc spent his entire day studying or training, rarely leaving time for frivolities or fun.
lqr had been impressed with jc even then as they had discussed lqr’s lessons. It continued after the war, as lxc devoted all his spare time to his sworn brothers and ignored the plight of ymj.
lqr had scolded lxc, but lxc had been stubborn in his opinion of jc as a cruel man.
lqr had scolded lxc, but lxc had been stubborn in his opinion of jc as a cruel man.
lqr and lxc have very different ideas of what a cruel man is: lqr thinks it is one that can look straight into a child’s yearning eyes and still turn away without a thought, and to keep doing it for years on end. lqr sometimes wonders -
if jfm was still alive, would he still treat jc so? (He knows the answer, but he doesn’t want to think it.)
lxc had been so slack in his relations with ymj that lqr had stepped in, allowing him to keep checking in on the young sect leader occasionally.
lxc had been so slack in his relations with ymj that lqr had stepped in, allowing him to keep checking in on the young sect leader occasionally.
Many times lqr had ended up in deep discussions with a surprisingly insightful and diplomatic jc.
lqr is not blind and deaf to the whispers about jc, but gossip is forbidden for a reason. He understands the boy’s pain, the anger and frustration jc has against the world that had
lqr is not blind and deaf to the whispers about jc, but gossip is forbidden for a reason. He understands the boy’s pain, the anger and frustration jc has against the world that had
already been so cruel to him as a child. As far as lqr can tell, jc is a moral and upright character and worthy of respect.
He notices jc flash a smile at lxc, eyes soft and warm.
lqr sighs. He hopes his foolish nephew will not be the one to shatter the already broken heart,
He notices jc flash a smile at lxc, eyes soft and warm.
lqr sighs. He hopes his foolish nephew will not be the one to shatter the already broken heart,
but as much as he loves lxc, he has lost considerable faith in him these last couple years.
The meal ends with stronger after-dinner teas and some sweets as they indulge in more chatter. lqr doesn’t like socialising, but his soft spot for jc is wider than Yunmeng’s Long River.
The meal ends with stronger after-dinner teas and some sweets as they indulge in more chatter. lqr doesn’t like socialising, but his soft spot for jc is wider than Yunmeng’s Long River.
They retire to their rooms well before curfew, and that’s when lqr realises his nephew is situated in the family quarters, seeing him disappear off with jc and listening to the giggles of the servants. Too many think that not speaking somehow translates to him not hearing.
After breakfast the next morning, jc leads them to a tea room to begin discussions. There’s a brief kerfuffle when jl refuses to go to training and demands to sit in on the meeting.
“I am jiujiu’s only family! I have the right and the responsibility to sit in for his parents!”
“I am jiujiu’s only family! I have the right and the responsibility to sit in for his parents!”
“Jin Ling!“
“Jiujiu!” jl crosses his arms, pouting.
“Sect Leader Jin shall naturally be a part of the proceedings. However, this discussion requires approval from elders, and I am sure your jiujiu is able to hold his own in the absence of any in his sect,” lqr says,
“Jiujiu!” jl crosses his arms, pouting.
“Sect Leader Jin shall naturally be a part of the proceedings. However, this discussion requires approval from elders, and I am sure your jiujiu is able to hold his own in the absence of any in his sect,” lqr says,
fixing jl with a no-nonsense glare. As with his hundreds of students over the years, jl falls into place, turning to jc with one last pout.
“Training,” jc growls out. “And if I hear from Jiang Feng that you’re being lazy, you’re not allowed to attend tonight’s banquet.”
“Training,” jc growls out. “And if I hear from Jiang Feng that you’re being lazy, you’re not allowed to attend tonight’s banquet.”
“Fine! But I’m telling Auntie Mei you said I could have pastries for lunch!” He runs off before jc could say anything else, and he sighs.
“Teacher Lan, please excuse his impertinence.”
“No need.” It’s heartwarming to see how much jl cares for his uncle.
“Teacher Lan, please excuse his impertinence.”
“No need.” It’s heartwarming to see how much jl cares for his uncle.
They head to a tea room, but jc shies away from the topic, dragging on the small talk until lqr clears his throat.
”Sect Leader Jiang. I, Lan Qiren of Gusu Lan sect, am here as the paternal uncle of Gusu Lan sect leader Lan Xichen to support his proposal of marriage.
”Sect Leader Jiang. I, Lan Qiren of Gusu Lan sect, am here as the paternal uncle of Gusu Lan sect leader Lan Xichen to support his proposal of marriage.
We have prepared some simple tokens of sincerity.”
At that, lqr signals in a train of servants, carrying trays of jewellery, jade, gems, bolts of silk and brocades, rare ingredients, fine porcelain wares, and chests of expensive materials for talismans and signal flares.
At that, lqr signals in a train of servants, carrying trays of jewellery, jade, gems, bolts of silk and brocades, rare ingredients, fine porcelain wares, and chests of expensive materials for talismans and signal flares.
“Teacher Lan,” jc says, shocked. “This really is too much.” He had expected more hospitality gifts, things that were basically a given when visiting anyone.
“It is up for you two to decide which, but upon marriage a spiritual weapon will pass to the Jiang family.”
“It is up for you two to decide which, but upon marriage a spiritual weapon will pass to the Jiang family.”
jc turns Zidian on his finger. “I...that is...” His mother had not received such valuable gifts from his father. The Jins had given only chests of gold and gems for Yanli. jc doesn’t know what to do. “A spiritual weapon?”
“Liebing, naturally,” lxc says easily, jc gaping at him.
“Liebing, naturally,” lxc says easily, jc gaping at him.
“No! Absolutely not!”
lxc pauses, but nods. “True. It is useless without the teachings of our sect.”
“No!” jc shouts. “No, it’s too much! Xichen, Teacher Lan, this is all too much! Not for me, please, this is already more than enough!”
Deathly silence.
lxc pauses, but nods. “True. It is useless without the teachings of our sect.”
“No!” jc shouts. “No, it’s too much! Xichen, Teacher Lan, this is all too much! Not for me, please, this is already more than enough!”
Deathly silence.
lqr’s face has turned to stone, and jc swallows uneasily. Even now, he’s mindful of lqr as his elder and teacher, and he’s offended him and lxc, who’s sitting with a sad frown.
“Child.” lqr looks right into jc’s eyes, “you are worth much more than whatever we have to give.”
“Child.” lqr looks right into jc’s eyes, “you are worth much more than whatever we have to give.”
jc doesn’t know how to respond. He blinks, lost.
“I will hear no more discussion on this matter unless it’s to say that you deserve more than my useless nephew. Unless you have further concerns, I propose we move onto deciding a date for the ribbon ceremony.”
“I will hear no more discussion on this matter unless it’s to say that you deserve more than my useless nephew. Unless you have further concerns, I propose we move onto deciding a date for the ribbon ceremony.”
jc jolts at that. The ribbon ceremony is only for fated ones, not political marriages. The Lans may be romantic, but sect leaders must be pragmatic.
“I...was not under the impression that there would be one,” he murmurs, head lowered. He is mortified at having this conversation
“I...was not under the impression that there would be one,” he murmurs, head lowered. He is mortified at having this conversation
with lqr sitting right in front of him. His face feels like it’s on fire, and lxc has gone strangely still beside him. jc waits for him to agree.
lqr is furious as he says quietly, “Lan Xichen. What is the meaning of this?” He cannot believe that lxc has messed up so badly.
lqr is furious as he says quietly, “Lan Xichen. What is the meaning of this?” He cannot believe that lxc has messed up so badly.
“Shufu, please give us a moment to ourselves,” lxc says, and he sounds quietly furious as well.
lqr stands. “I will see you two at dinner.”
It’s not even lunch yet.
jc is stiff as he stands to bow when lqr leaves with an angry sweep of his sleeves.
lqr stands. “I will see you two at dinner.”
It’s not even lunch yet.
jc is stiff as he stands to bow when lqr leaves with an angry sweep of his sleeves.
He and lxc stare at the closed door for a moment before lxc turns to him, looking utterly devastated.
“Wanyin,” he says. “Tell me where I have been lacking.”
“What?” jc is baffled. “How are you lacking in any way?”
“Then why would you refuse my ribbon?”
“Wanyin,” he says. “Tell me where I have been lacking.”
“What?” jc is baffled. “How are you lacking in any way?”
“Then why would you refuse my ribbon?”
“I’m not, but that’s only for your fated one.”
“Yes, and?”
jc’s mouth falls open, and lxc can’t find it in him to stay angry at jc’s frankly ridiculous obliviousness.
“Yes, and?”
jc’s mouth falls open, and lxc can’t find it in him to stay angry at jc’s frankly ridiculous obliviousness.
“Wanyin, I’ve told you over and over again. Why do you not believe me? You’re the only one for me. You’re the first, the last, and there will never be anyone else.”
jc fidgets. “I know, but. It just seems crazy to me, you know? How am I that for you, when I’m just me?”
jc fidgets. “I know, but. It just seems crazy to me, you know? How am I that for you, when I’m just me?”
lxc clasps jc’s hands in his own. “Wanyin,” he says.
jc has his head down. “Xichen.”
“Please, look at me.”
It takes a while, but jc manages to lift his head. lxc’s gaze is tender as always, but the lines of his face are sad.
jc has his head down. “Xichen.”
“Please, look at me.”
It takes a while, but jc manages to lift his head. lxc’s gaze is tender as always, but the lines of his face are sad.
jc’s heart clenches. He’s the one that’s put such a look on lxc’s face. This man that he wants to hold and protect - jc has hurt him instead.
He bites down on his lower lip, and lxc’s eyes dart down before meeting his once more.
He bites down on his lower lip, and lxc’s eyes dart down before meeting his once more.
“Wanyin. You are absolutely infuriating, you know that?” His voice is gentle, indulgent.
“Of course I do,” jc huffs. “Don’t know how you manage to put up with me, honestly.”
“Because you are my fated one,” lxc says plainly.
jc stops breathing.
“Of course I do,” jc huffs. “Don’t know how you manage to put up with me, honestly.”
“Because you are my fated one,” lxc says plainly.
jc stops breathing.
lxc cups his face in a large, warm hand, thumbing over jc’s cheekbone. “Do you remember the first time we went to our pavilion?”
“Yes.”
“I said I would belong to my fated one even if they do not want me. Wanyin, my fated one. My soulmate. My heart. Please do not forsake me so.”
“Yes.”
“I said I would belong to my fated one even if they do not want me. Wanyin, my fated one. My soulmate. My heart. Please do not forsake me so.”
“I would never -“
“Then you will admit to being my fated one?”
“I - that...”
lxc leans in, pressing a soft kiss to jc’s cheek. “Please,” he whispers desperately, voice low and rumbling in his chest. “Please believe me.”
“Then you will admit to being my fated one?”
“I - that...”
lxc leans in, pressing a soft kiss to jc’s cheek. “Please,” he whispers desperately, voice low and rumbling in his chest. “Please believe me.”
Another kiss, pressed to the other cheek. lxc’s lips are dry and warm, and jc swallows down a shudder. He takes in a shaking breath.
The pause hangs over lxc like a knife to his neck.
“I believe you,” jc murmurs against lxc’s skin.
The pause hangs over lxc like a knife to his neck.
“I believe you,” jc murmurs against lxc’s skin.
“Thank you.” lxc’s lips trace down his cheek. He stops at the edge of jc’s lips, their shared, heated breaths deafening in the silence of the room.
jc can feel his bottom lip trembling at the closeness.
“May I kiss you?” lxc whispers, heart thundering with overwhelming hope.
jc can feel his bottom lip trembling at the closeness.
“May I kiss you?” lxc whispers, heart thundering with overwhelming hope.
“...Yes,” jc breathes out, right before that very breath is stolen from him at the gentle touch of lxc’s lips to his.
It’s a delicate kiss, the tremble of jc’s lips evident against lxc’s confident press. lxc hums in delight, tilting his head slightly to kiss jc properly.
It’s a delicate kiss, the tremble of jc’s lips evident against lxc’s confident press. lxc hums in delight, tilting his head slightly to kiss jc properly.
jc gives a soft whine at the touch of lxc’s tongue tracing the seam of his lips, and lxc pulls back with a wide smile.
jc slowly blinks open dazed eyes, and lxc is filled with so much pure adoration he thinks he’s about to burst. “My heart,” he murmurs reverently.
jc slowly blinks open dazed eyes, and lxc is filled with so much pure adoration he thinks he’s about to burst. “My heart,” he murmurs reverently.
“Dumbass,” jc murmurs back.
“Your dumbass, my heart.”
“Mn.” jc is smiling also, eyes falling shut again as he leans in for another sweet kiss. “Mine.”
=====
“Your dumbass, my heart.”
“Mn.” jc is smiling also, eyes falling shut again as he leans in for another sweet kiss. “Mine.”
=====
lqr raises an eyebrow when he sees jc and lxc in the banquet hall for dinner.
Both are in fresh robes, hair carefully done, but their lips are raw and swollen, jc’s eyes glazed while lxc glows.
lqr holds back a sigh. “Xichen. I assume you’ve cleared up the misunderstanding?”
Both are in fresh robes, hair carefully done, but their lips are raw and swollen, jc’s eyes glazed while lxc glows.
lqr holds back a sigh. “Xichen. I assume you’ve cleared up the misunderstanding?”
“Ah. Yes.” lxc has the grace to look sheepish, sharing a secret look with jc.
“Good. Then we shall continue our discussion tomorrow.”
It’s a much simpler banquet meal tonight, and lqr enjoys his favoured dishes, seasoned with spices and herbs, fragrant but not heavy or spicy.
“Good. Then we shall continue our discussion tomorrow.”
It’s a much simpler banquet meal tonight, and lqr enjoys his favoured dishes, seasoned with spices and herbs, fragrant but not heavy or spicy.
After dinner, lxc leaves again with jc, though with the way jc is leaning heavily on lxc’s arm, lqr doesn’t think he needs to worry about any extra-marital shenanigans for now, not when jc is still recuperating.
The next day, discussions are short. They dance around the issue of jc’s health for a while until lxc says that no wedding date will be set until jc feels he is ready. lqr agrees - stressful preparations aside, if jc is unwell he wouldn’t be able to fully enjoy his own wedding.
They break before lunch, but jc excuses himself from lqr, citing sect matters but really to rest. Hosting is exhausting, even with lxc’s calming music each night and energising music each morning.
lxc guides lqr around lp on a tour, but lqr pays very little attention to it.
lxc guides lqr around lp on a tour, but lqr pays very little attention to it.
He’s been shown around lp by jc years ago after it was rebuilt, and lqr has had many opportunities over the years to explore its beauty for himself as lxc ignored Yunmeng Jiang’s existence.
Eventually they come to a floating pavilion that lxc says is a favourite of many
Eventually they come to a floating pavilion that lxc says is a favourite of many
(lqr knows. It’s his favourite too), and they stop there for tea.
“You may not be aware of this, but I have come to know Sect Leader Jiang fairly well over the years,” lqr says.
lxc cannot hide his surprise. “Is that so?”
“You may not be aware of this, but I have come to know Sect Leader Jiang fairly well over the years,” lqr says.
lxc cannot hide his surprise. “Is that so?”
”Who do you think was responsible for dealing with Yunmeng Jiang in your negligence?”
lxc looks ashamed. “I was unaware that there was any association outside of business.”
lxc looks ashamed. “I was unaware that there was any association outside of business.”
“Sect Leader Jiang had no allies and no ties of friendship. He also had no elders, no council, and no one to turn to for advice. It is natural that I would do my best to assist. It was the right thing to do.”
lxc’s ears are red with embarrassment. “I understand shufu’s lesson.”
lxc’s ears are red with embarrassment. “I understand shufu’s lesson.”
“Prejudice is forbidden. It is not my place to punish the sect leader, but I believe now you must deal with the consequences of your decisions, and that is greater punishment than any copying of the Virtues chapter.”
lxc knows too that jc’s belief in himself will waver. As serious as their relationship is, jc still lacks security in it. He believes lxc is telling /his/ truth - but it may not be /the/ truth. Nothing but time and perseverance will bring the security that jc needs.
“You’re making many promises to Sect Leader Jiang in this courtship. Let us hope you will not eat your words and break them all.”
“Yes, shufu.”
lqr says nothing else after that, and the two drink tea quietly until lunch.
“Yes, shufu.”
lqr says nothing else after that, and the two drink tea quietly until lunch.
jc rests again after that, as there will be another banquet for lqr before he leaves tomorrow.
lqr takes the time to meet with lwj in the privacy of his rooms.
“Shufu,” lwj greets.
“Wangji.”
lqr takes the time to meet with lwj in the privacy of his rooms.
“Shufu,” lwj greets.
“Wangji.”
They sit silently as lwj pours tea for them both. The servants are sent outside and the doors are closed.
There’s more silence as they sip their tea.
lwj is the first to break. “Shufu is here for xiongzhang’s official proposal.”
“Then you are not completely unaware.”
There’s more silence as they sip their tea.
lwj is the first to break. “Shufu is here for xiongzhang’s official proposal.”
“Then you are not completely unaware.”
“It is xiongzhang.”
“You have forgotten everyone else in the happiness of your union. Is it so surprising I would assume the same for your brother?”
“Shufu.”
lqr takes a long sip of tea. “What is your quarrel with Sect Leader Jiang?”
“He forsook Wei Ying.”
“You have forgotten everyone else in the happiness of your union. Is it so surprising I would assume the same for your brother?”
“Shufu.”
lqr takes a long sip of tea. “What is your quarrel with Sect Leader Jiang?”
“He forsook Wei Ying.”
“Wei Wuxian is the one that forsook Jiang Wanyin.”
lwj’s fingers tighten around his cup.
“I approve of Sect Leader Jiang,” lqr says. “There is no better match for Xichen.”
“Anyone else would be better.”
“Would Jin Guangyao have been better?”
lwj’s fingers tighten around his cup.
“I approve of Sect Leader Jiang,” lqr says. “There is no better match for Xichen.”
“Anyone else would be better.”
“Would Jin Guangyao have been better?”
lwj frowns. It is unfair to use such an extreme example.
“It appears you have forgotten many of our rules on virtuous conduct.”
lwj dips his head. “Wangji is ready to accept punishment.” No amount of punishment will change his opinion.
“It appears you have forgotten many of our rules on virtuous conduct.”
lwj dips his head. “Wangji is ready to accept punishment.” No amount of punishment will change his opinion.
lqr strokes his beard. “No. I will not be the one to mete out punishment for your prejudice. That is for you to bear.”
lwj remains in stubborn silence.
“wwx is determined to prevent the union.” lqr sips his tea. “He’s been hounding both Sect Leader Jiang and Sect Leader Jin.”
lwj remains in stubborn silence.
“wwx is determined to prevent the union.” lqr sips his tea. “He’s been hounding both Sect Leader Jiang and Sect Leader Jin.”
“Wei Ying does what he thinks is right.”
“Indeed.” lqr’s face is pinched in disapproval. “How very noble of him.”
lwj will not talk back to an elder, much less his own uncle, but his sullen silence speaks volumes. “Why did shufu ask to meet me?”
“Indeed.” lqr’s face is pinched in disapproval. “How very noble of him.”
lwj will not talk back to an elder, much less his own uncle, but his sullen silence speaks volumes. “Why did shufu ask to meet me?”
“Do I need a reason, other than being your uncle?”
The tea is cool. lqr pushes his cup away.
“You are dismissed,” he says.
lwj bows properly, but there is no point when lqr knows the respect is not there.
There are still a couple hours until he needs to get ready for dinner.
The tea is cool. lqr pushes his cup away.
“You are dismissed,” he says.
lwj bows properly, but there is no point when lqr knows the respect is not there.
There are still a couple hours until he needs to get ready for dinner.
lqr’s head pounds, and there’s a sharp ache behind his eyes.
I am sorry xiongzhang, he thinks.
I have failed you.
=====
I am sorry xiongzhang, he thinks.
I have failed you.
=====
lqr leaves the next morning, sent off at the pier by jc and lxc. wwx is hungover from last night’s banquet and lwj is busy tending to him. lqr doesn’t know what he expected.
jl is there as well, and lqr speaks to him seriously.
jl is there as well, and lqr speaks to him seriously.
“Sect Leader Jin, when your jiujiu is ready we will decide on the wedding date and the logistics involved. As the only family of Sect Leader Jiang, I hope I can rely on your involvement.”
jl puffs up with pride. “Yes, Teacher Lan! Of course!”
jl puffs up with pride. “Yes, Teacher Lan! Of course!”
lqr nods. jl is young but growing into being a fine gentleman, no doubt due to the care of his uncle.
“We shall meet again soon,” lqr says, as his boat begins to leave the pier.
“I will write soon!” lxc says, waving.
jc bows deep, followed by his disciples and jl.
“We shall meet again soon,” lqr says, as his boat begins to leave the pier.
“I will write soon!” lxc says, waving.
jc bows deep, followed by his disciples and jl.
The current is fast, and soon they are no more than specks on the horizon. lqr enters the shade then, sitting to meditate.
All he can do for lxc and jc is to hope.
======
All he can do for lxc and jc is to hope.
======
TBC!!!
I’ll be deleting this tweet later!!!
Thank you so much to all the readers!!! You make my day with your hearts and comments!🥰🥰🥰🥰💙💜💙💜💙💜
(I like uncle lqr so here is a completely self-indulgent update hehehehe)
I’ll be deleting this tweet later!!!
Thank you so much to all the readers!!! You make my day with your hearts and comments!🥰🥰🥰🥰💙💜💙💜💙💜
(I like uncle lqr so here is a completely self-indulgent update hehehehe)
Whoops @threadreaderapp unroll
Haha I am tech illiterate 💙💜💙💜
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