I think the thing which hurts and pains me the most in this life is disrespect. I am not talking about African male privilege 'respect' nor 'am I your mate?' type of respect. I am talking about the value that you place on a human being. The honour you show/give to a human being
That dignity you show to a human being is the sum total of the value you place on that person. He/she doesn't have to be rich or poor, upperclass or lowerclass - there is just this barest minimum respect & value which you must show on a human being irrespective of his/her status
I was raised with so much dignity and I found so much value, honour, glory and power in myself simply for being a human being. My humanity is embedded in so much majesty not because I am anything or I have anything, but simply because I am a human being. I can't describe it fully
Our human ancestors couldn't find the right set of words to describe this majesty in a human being, so they called it - "the dignity of the human person". This dignity cannot be exhaustively captured in a sentence, but it just means giving premium respect to EVERY human being
Sadly, human beings will always disrespect you in every way that they can. From the way we treat our kids, staff, partners, colleagues, & everyone else, we must show premium respect. No human being is beneath your respect. You are not better or more important than the next human
There is a full world of instances by which we disrespect people - from very outright insults and derogatory statements to tacit dishonour and then bad behavior which we subconsciously exhibit, the boundaries of disrespect knows no end. We do it daily by not even knowing
Some of our actions can seem so miniscule and little that we don't know when we are crossing the line and dishonouring someone. Let me give you some very small and unknown ways we show disrespect, especially in Nigeria/Africa, because it looks like we have a lot to unlearn
Wanting to be the only voice in the room or conversation. You don't want others to talk, you are the only one with an opinion or idea, you know best and better than everyone else. You interrupt without permission and shut people up. Nothing could be more disrespectful than this
When people are talking, you don't like their idea & you laugh in such a condescending manner such that the person will know and feel that you are insulting him/her without even saying anything. You shake your head profusely in disagreement to a point while the person is talking
You don't give credit to people for their work or ideas. You intentionally refuse to give credit or to say "thank you". You just act like its routine and its okay, and you move on without acknowledging someone who has done well. Sometimes you even take and steal the credit
You are toxic & insulting. Nothing good ever comes out of your mouth, only insults. Your default response to every disagreement you have is an insult. If you don't like what someone has said you insult him/her. You make absolutely no effort to state your point, only insults
Now let me tell you my all time Nigerian favorite -
You do not return calls
You do not reply texts
You do not reply emails
Even when you reply late, you do not apologize.
This one is the pure gutter!
I was at a firm which used to query and/or fire lawyers for this.
You do not return calls
You do not reply texts
You do not reply emails
Even when you reply late, you do not apologize.
This one is the pure gutter!
I was at a firm which used to query and/or fire lawyers for this.
This is absolutely wrong, extremely disrespectful, rude, unprofessional and one of the most dehumanizing treatment you can give to a human, as simple as it is. This is the one I also hate the most. It is a deal breaker for me in every form of endeavour, relations & communication
Most Nigerians, do this in one form or the other, irrespective of class, education & exposure. We need to unlearn it. It is so fundamentally wrong. I dare say, we can't even be talking about good governance, ethos and values if in our private lives we don't return calls and texts
To say the least, it is mannerless, barbaric, uncivilized and 'bush'. People who do this are actually bush people. You can't tell me nothing. Imagine a human being, takes out his/her time to call or text you and you see the call or read the text and you intentionally ignore it
I am not talking of people shooting their shots. No. A woman/man has a right not to want to talk to you and that is 100% fine. I am talking generally. Everyday relations and communication between people, especially people who already know each other or communicate, including work
When this happens to me, my mind paints the picture of a person who has missed my call & intentionally failed to return it or reply my text as intentionally choosing to disrespect me - that he looks at me & feels the sum total of my value as a human isn't worth a response/reply
If we are being honest with ourselves, this is how we all feel and this is what it actually is. We need to stop. Even if we do not wish to engage with the person, the courteous thing to do is to tell the person. Giving feedback and closure shows you are responsible and mature.
This attitude is so fundamental that it is an aspect of professionalism. Irrespective of the request or inquiry respond to it. Give a feedback - whether positive or negative. As a lawyer, I know lawyers on my TL will agree that this is a part of your appraisal - responsiveness.
I am sorry, I give most of my examples within the context of being a lawyer. This is because it is what I know and experience. I digress. Back to the point. This etiquette of showing premium respect is so important and fundamental that it finds expression in every profession
In law practice, you cannot and shouldn't keep your client's email, instruction and inquiry unattended to or unreplied. Most top firms will say respond within 24hours. Of course if you are charge and bail lawyer, you can respond after one week, without an apology. Chaff & Wheat!
Being responsive is so ingrained that there is this rule "A Judge/Court must hear & determine every motion no matter how stupid it is". This means that the Judge must determine every request brought before him/her, even if the request is stupid. Fundamental. Civil Litigation 101
I remember a funny story (not funny at the time) when I argued a motion before the Court of Appeal, empaneled by 3 old Justices, and they were inclined to striking out my motion even before reading it and hearing it and they said that much. After arguing & begging, they insisted
They got extremely upset and mad at me when I couldn't beg anymore and told them they didn't have the powers to strike out my motion without hearing it and writing a judgment (giving me a response and closure). Sure, they agreed with me in the end and apologized. I got my respect
The point is respect every human being, every angle, every idea, every perspective, every request - and provide closure. You do not have to agree, but show premium respect. I am still learning this as well, just thought I should share my thoughts on a very 'trivial' matter. End
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