Thread by @artcrimeprof

In case you doubt the connection btw scholarship and the antiquities market, check out these screenshots from a sales announcement I just got, highlighting the artifacts that have been translated, published, or given a scholarly report. BARF.

Now let's take a look at some lots from this auction, starting with the "Translated Egyptian Limestone Offering Stele Fragment" carved in the famed "doodling in the margins of your math textbook" style.

Also maybe try to not make the back reveal that you deliberately carved a fragment (and then got too worried about breaking it with your mediocre carving skills to finish thinning/finishing the reverse).

Miracles! The same "ex-private North Carolina, USA collection, acquired in the 1980s" selling the stele is also selling this "Egyptian Limestone Stele Fragment w/ Polychrome Female," carved by the very same hand!!! How did his work survive together for so long?!?

Apologies - I was so blown away by this miraculous coincidence that I forgot to attach the pictures. Voila.

I get it - hands are hard. But you've gotta try just a little bit harder with feet, buddy. Or if you can only sculpt lumps, maybe just break your fragment off above the ankles instead of pretending the cruel ravages of time politely left the entire figure intact.

More ancient Egyptian scribbles. These might actually be cake.

#mood when I look at horrific fake antiquities for sale online

I... I... I just can't. At least they admit the beads were restrung, although without quite coming out and saying that they made up this pattern. At least I'm getting some ideas for craft time with the kids this afternoon.

The Hēd Röst, from ancient Ikea.

I'm just going to come right out and say it: ancient Cypriot art is not my thing. But this scratched-out rutabaga-faced chunk is an insult even to ancient Cyprus' most bulbous productions.

They snootily note that a "stylistically similar" example is in the @metmuseum, although it has "fewer areas of fine detailing." Let's do a side by side. And... yeah, no.

Yo, @GeorgeMasonU @fitchburgart @DOMAatBSU - please don't accept loans of "antiquities" with bad provenance whose owners will then drop your name while jacking up the price when selling them. (Also what even is this thing?)

If you want to ask to have your names removed from the sale of The Thracian Seahorse Rider, here's the link: liveauctioneers.com/item/87300796_…

Ah, yes, the Greeks and their 13 planets.

...pardon?

Good, finally a picture I can show people who ask why I've spent decades studying Mesopotamian art! JUST KIDDING (sob). (Also, at least do me the favor of trying to conceal your modern tool marks, ok?)

To conclude.

Does your ancient art auction include artifacts from every geographical and temporal category popular with collectors? Does it give a blanket promise that everything was legally acquired without going into actual details?

Then it's probably selling some fakes!