GOVE: i GoT yOU a mANgO sMOoTHie
SUNAK: Thanks. Hey... wait, did you wear a mask?
GOVE <unzips his head>: [eldritch wail. flailing tentacles]
SUNAK: Oh right. Sorry.
GOVE <zips up head>: iT's fiNE. dO yOU waNT hALf tHIs brOWNie?
SUNAK: Thanks. Hey... wait, did you wear a mask?
GOVE <unzips his head>: [eldritch wail. flailing tentacles]
SUNAK: Oh right. Sorry.
GOVE <zips up head>: iT's fiNE. dO yOU waNT hALf tHIs brOWNie?
SUNAK: Michael do you...
GOVE: wHAt?
SUNAK: Do you ever wonder if we're handling this correctly
GOVE: oH I'd sAy iT'S goINg wONDerFuLLy
SUNAK: Really? That's great!
GOVE: bUT I'm aN EldRItch hORrOr. YoU maY wiSH to ConSIDeR iF We ShARe tHE saME DEfiNItiON oF WoNDERful
SUNAK: Oh.
GOVE: wHAt?
SUNAK: Do you ever wonder if we're handling this correctly
GOVE: oH I'd sAy iT'S goINg wONDerFuLLy
SUNAK: Really? That's great!
GOVE: bUT I'm aN EldRItch hORrOr. YoU maY wiSH to ConSIDeR iF We ShARe tHE saME DEfiNItiON oF WoNDERful
SUNAK: Oh.
SUNAK: I mean, my job retention thing was brilliant though wasn't it? Everyone said so.
GOVE: eVERyOnE?
SUNAK: Well... almost everyone. I did pop round and show it to Phil Hammond like you suggested.
GOVE: aNd?
SUNAK: He threw his shoe at me.
GOVE: weLL ThEN
GOVE: eVERyOnE?
SUNAK: Well... almost everyone. I did pop round and show it to Phil Hammond like you suggested.
GOVE: aNd?
SUNAK: He threw his shoe at me.
GOVE: weLL ThEN
SUNAK: The Leader liked it though. He told me it was brilliant.
GOVE: yES, wELL, thE LeaDEr LiKE's aNYThiNG thAT OffERs uP A SoUNDBiTe oR SexUaL fAVoURs
SUNAK: Don't say that! He might hear you!
GOVE: hE'S NoT HEre RiSHi. He DoeSN't wORK TuESdAYs
SUNAK: Oh. Oh yeah.
GOVE: yES, wELL, thE LeaDEr LiKE's aNYThiNG thAT OffERs uP A SoUNDBiTe oR SexUaL fAVoURs
SUNAK: Don't say that! He might hear you!
GOVE: hE'S NoT HEre RiSHi. He DoeSN't wORK TuESdAYs
SUNAK: Oh. Oh yeah.
SUNAK: Why is that?
GOVE: wHAt?
SUNAK: Why does The Leader only work Wednesdays?
GOVE: i CoUldN'T sAY
SUNAK: You must know though. You've known him ages! Gavin says it's because he thinks so much his brain hurts
GOVE: rIsHI, I cAN sAY, wiTH cONFiDeNce, ThAT iS nOT thE CaSE.
GOVE: wHAt?
SUNAK: Why does The Leader only work Wednesdays?
GOVE: i CoUldN'T sAY
SUNAK: You must know though. You've known him ages! Gavin says it's because he thinks so much his brain hurts
GOVE: rIsHI, I cAN sAY, wiTH cONFiDeNce, ThAT iS nOT thE CaSE.
SUNAK: Gavin also says that...
GOVE: rISHi, cAN i GiVE yOU soME aDVice?
SUNAK: What?
GOVE: sTOp taLKIng tO GaVIN WiLLIamsON
SUNAK: He's nice to me though. He lets me paint his miniatures.
GOVE: oH GoD
SUNAK: Not the dry brushing though.
GOVE: nOT aNOtHEr OnE
SUNAK: I play Eldar.
GOVE: rISHi, cAN i GiVE yOU soME aDVice?
SUNAK: What?
GOVE: sTOp taLKIng tO GaVIN WiLLIamsON
SUNAK: He's nice to me though. He lets me paint his miniatures.
GOVE: oH GoD
SUNAK: Not the dry brushing though.
GOVE: nOT aNOtHEr OnE
SUNAK: I play Eldar.
SUNAK: Gavin also says he was right about Huawei
GOVE: rISHi, i Am TrYIng tO EaT a PanINi
SUNAK: Gavin says he tried to warn everyone. That he was a martyr to the cause
GOVE: yES, wELL pERHaPs iF gAViN HaD SaID LeSS oF tHIs tO A joURNaLIsT hE WoULDn'T hAve BEen
GOVE: rISHi, i Am TrYIng tO EaT a PanINi
SUNAK: Gavin says he tried to warn everyone. That he was a martyr to the cause
GOVE: yES, wELL pERHaPs iF gAViN HaD SaID LeSS oF tHIs tO A joURNaLIsT hE WoULDn'T hAve BEen
SUNAK:
GOVE:
SUNAK: Gavin says...
GOVE <unzipping head>: [lich scream]
SUNAK: Sorry. I'll be quiet.
GOVE: tHAnK YoU
SUNAK:
GOVE:
SUNAK: Michael do you...
GOVE: RiSHi wHY dOn'T yOu gO pLAy FIfA fOR a bIT
SUNAK: Can I?!
GOVE: yeS. i'LL eVEn bUY yOU sOmE paCKs
SUNAK: Thanks Michael!
GOVE:
SUNAK: Gavin says...
GOVE <unzipping head>: [lich scream]
SUNAK: Sorry. I'll be quiet.
GOVE: tHAnK YoU
SUNAK:
GOVE:
SUNAK: Michael do you...
GOVE: RiSHi wHY dOn'T yOu gO pLAy FIfA fOR a bIT
SUNAK: Can I?!
GOVE: yeS. i'LL eVEn bUY yOU sOmE paCKs
SUNAK: Thanks Michael!
HAMMOND <on the phone>: How's the home-schooling going?
GOVE: I wISh yOU'D sTOp caLLInG iT ThAT. He'S a ChancELLoR oF ThE EXcHEQuER
HAMMOND: Like fuck he is. Hang on...
GOVE:
HAMMOND: Checked with Ken Clarke. He agrees. Says he's shit at FIFA too.
GOVE: sIGh
GOVE: I wISh yOU'D sTOp caLLInG iT ThAT. He'S a ChancELLoR oF ThE EXcHEQuER
HAMMOND: Like fuck he is. Hang on...
GOVE:
HAMMOND: Checked with Ken Clarke. He agrees. Says he's shit at FIFA too.
GOVE: sIGh
GOVE: SuNAk sAId yOU thReW a SHoe at hIM
HAMMOND: I did
GOVE: WhY?
HAMMOND: Because his plan is shit. No freelancer support. Open to buy-to-let abuse and the retention stimulus is just free money to big firms
GOVE: YoU cOULd hAVe tOLd hIM thAT
HAMMOND: Throwing a shoe was quicker
HAMMOND: I did
GOVE: WhY?
HAMMOND: Because his plan is shit. No freelancer support. Open to buy-to-let abuse and the retention stimulus is just free money to big firms
GOVE: YoU cOULd hAVe tOLd hIM thAT
HAMMOND: Throwing a shoe was quicker
GOVE: phIL, I aSKed yOU tO Be NiCE tO rIshI
HAMMOND: I was
GOVE: YoU ThREw a SHoE aT hIM
HAMMOND: And I missed
GOVE: hE's sTiLL LEARnING thE RoPEs
HAMMOND: Michael, you learn when you're a Junior. Not when you're the fucking Chancellor. Enjoy the homeschooling <click>
GOVE: SiGH
HAMMOND: I was
GOVE: YoU ThREw a SHoE aT hIM
HAMMOND: And I missed
GOVE: hE's sTiLL LEARnING thE RoPEs
HAMMOND: Michael, you learn when you're a Junior. Not when you're the fucking Chancellor. Enjoy the homeschooling <click>
GOVE: SiGH
END OF THREAD BITS!
If you enjoyed this, you can buy me a mango smoothie here!
ko-fi.com/garius
And there's more of these, starting way back here:
And a book that is now dangerously close to actually being finished 😱 unbound.com/books/the-brex…
If you enjoyed this, you can buy me a mango smoothie here!
ko-fi.com/garius
And there's more of these, starting way back here:
And a book that is now dangerously close to actually being finished 😱 unbound.com/books/the-brex…
