I’m about to watch my first episode of Game of Thrones. 🙏🏿
OMG. WHAT AM I WATCHING?
WAS THAT CHEWBACCA?!
I'M SERIOUSLY TURNING THIS OFF. AND THE CREDITS ARE JUST NOW ROLLING. OMG.
Ok. I'm still watching. But that was a LOT in the first three minutes.
The only thing I know about this series is that there's a red or yellow wedding where I think something bad happens. And that Dwight Schrute once taught Erin Hannon the language on an episode of The Office. #GameOfThrones
WHAT IS ON HIS LIP? IS THERE NO CARMEX IN MIDDLE EARTH OR WHEREVER THIS IS SET? #GameOfThrones
Oh. Nevermind. They just chopped his head off. Guess his lip was the least of my concerns. #GameOfThrones
ARE THOSE MAGGOTS? Good news is I don't eat meat, I guess. But now I don't wanna finish this popcorn I was happily munching on until I saw that deceased reindeer crawling with maggots. #GameOfThrones
Oh wait. The dogs are cute. (Or are they wolves?) Please tell me they don't get killed. #GameOfThrones
Wait. Is everyone ripped in Middle Earth (or whenever this is set?). This barbershop scene ... #GameOfThrones
Um. Peter Dinklage. 👀 #GameOfThrones
The blonde girl's brother is mean and creepy. #GameOfThrones
Oh wait. Lisa Bonet's husband is up in this?! #GameOfThrones
Black people are in this?! #GameOfThrones
WHAT TYPE OF WEDDING RECEPTION IS THIS, MAN? #GameOfthrones
Wow. That first episode was a LOT. Guys. I ... #GameOfThrones
I can't believe this, but I'm about to watch episode 2 of #GameOfThrones ... Pray for me.
Wait. Did he say "siblings"??? Are all of the people sitting at this table with Peter Dinklage ALL SIBLINGS? INCLUDING THE COUPLE WHO ... IN THE LAST EPISODE? #GameOfThrones
Oh that wolf puppy is a G. #GameOfThrones
NO!!!!!!!! Why?! That poor wolf puppy! #GameOfThrones
Sigh. Episode 3. #GameOfThrones
WOW. The entitlement teaching coming from the mom who is I guess *with* her brother is wild, yo. “The truth is what you make it to be.” Girl. Really? Tell your son not to be a little liar! Got the butcher’s boy roughed you for no reason! And that poor puppy! #GameOfThrones
What’s the lying little boy’s name? #GameOfThrones
Are “the white walkers” those people we saw before the credits of episode one that the killer Chewbacca handled? #GameOfThrones
I was right about the blonde girl’s brother! What a creepy jerk. #GameOfThrones
Episode 4. #GameOfThrones
Oh snap! The blonde lady slapped her brother with some jewelry or whatever and got WITH HIS ABUSIVE ASS. Here for it. #GameOfThrones
The woman who I think is hooking up with her brother ... she’s married to the king. But is the king her brother’s daddy? Also, lord. A stake just went through a man’s throat at this duel. Glad I’m eating an impossible burger. #GameOfThrones
Episode 5.
OMG. The kid nursing. #GameOfThrones
So this is violent. The sword in the eye. Legit watching between my fingers. #GameOfThrones
Episode 6. Why am I still watching this? #GameOfThrones
What is that egg thing that the blonde lady (i think I like her?) put in the fire pit or whatever that was? #GameOfThrones
OMG. Is she eating a heart?! The hell?! 🤮 #GameOfThrones
Wait. So did that man just figure this out, that the blonde haired kid isn’t the king’s? It’s the twin brother’s?! Laaaaaaawwwwwwwddddd. #GameOfThrones
If this man calls himself the dragon one more time ... #GameOfThrones
Welp! And just like that. Man. Listen. #GameOfThrones
Episode 7. I hate y’all. #GameOfThrones
What is he doing to this animal? Please make it stop. I wish I could mute the visuals.
The wine must be poison! #GameOfThrones
“He who holds the king holds the kingdom.” Ah, I see. So many pop culture references i pretended to know are about to make sense now. #GameOfThrones
I was NOT prepared for the poison wine dude to be walking naked behind the horse. Matter of fact, i was not prepared for most of this. Egads. #GameOfThrones
Ah. Bend the knee is another one. #GameOfThrones
Episode 8. Guys. Why?
Damn! The “dancing” instructor is a G. #GameOfThrones
Damn! So is the little girl!
This kid is like 14 and still nursing. I’m so ... disturbed. #GameOfThrones
Episode 9. This has to be the last one for the night. Whoo.
Ew. This elderly guy is super gross. The one Stark’s wife is talking to. Yuck. 🤮 #GameOfThrones
That poor horse. But if it saves Lisa Bonet’s man, then, why not? #GameOfThrones
Oh LORD. I do NOT like Joffrey!
Ok. I’ll watch episode 10. But y’all. Y’all. That was out cold. #GameOfThrones
When Joffrey lied so easily like that on my girl, I knew he was horrible. Can’t wait for him to get taken out — cuz I know it has to happen! And if my girl gets him ... all the better! #GameOfThrones
Dang. Not Acquaman. 😢 #GameOfThrones
What the ....
I can’t believe that I’m saying this — and that I’m up at 7:28 to do this — but I’m about to start episode 1 of season 2 of Game of Thrones. Sigh. What am I doing to myself? #GameOfThrones
And as far as my “what the” from last night/early this morning, it was the blonde lady apparently hatching those dragon eggs? So now we have baby dragons in the mix? Are they replacing my love of the wolf/dog puppies I like? #GameOfThrones
God, I hate Joffrey. What a little sadistic twerp. #GameOfThrones
My boy Peter Dinklage! Man sure does love his wine, yo. #GameOfThrones
He marries his daughters?! What the entire hell do y’all have me watching?! #GameOfThrones
The new red headed lady ... she’s gonna be a problem, I can tell. The elderly man started bleeding from his nose and died in a pool of blood she still took a sip? Is she a witch? #GameOfThrones
OMG!! He just killed the baby?! MONSTER!! #GameOfThrones
I hate everything and everyone. Truly. On to episode 2, season 2. #GameOfThrones
Guys. My parents called me 22 minutes and 43 seconds ago and I really love them, but I also really need to get back to this episode. And they're still talking. No hope of letting up soon. #GameOfThrones
What is thick boy's name? Jon Snow's homie? I like him. AND I KNOW I SHOULDN'T GET ATTACHED TO ANYONE. But I like that he's trying to rescue the girl pregnant by her nasty ass criminal ass daddy. #GameOfThrones
Still a lot of sex/rape in this season, eh? #GameOfThrones
Peter Dinklage! Now that’s how you do that! #GameOfThrones
I'M GASPING.. That's his sister?! The one he molested on a horse on the way to see his daddy? AGAIN: WHAT THE HELL DO Y'ALL HAVE ME WATCHING? #GameOfThrones
Oh snap! A brotha! I know he's a pirate. What's his name? And just as I was about to ask if I should get invested, someone said "pirates don't grow old." Seriously. I ... #GameOfThrones
Just when I was about to tweet “oh thank God he saved that baby from the nasty ass elderly man who rapes and marries his daughters and kills his newborn sons” ... some foolishness happens. My boy Jon Snow better be alive! #GameOfThrones
Season 2. Episode 3. I was supposed to make homemade ice cream and apple butter today. Best laid plans, amirite? #GameOfThrones
Happy that no hair on Jon Snow’s great head of hair was unharmed. But the elderly man ... i want someone to kill him. I hate him. And i hate Joffrey, whom I’ll never call king! #GameOfThrones
“My son is fighting a war. Not playing at one!” THAT’S MY DAWG. Role model. #GameOfThrones
Yes!! A female knight!!! Is this progress in middle earth or whatever this is? #GameOfThrones
Please God, don’t let me see another sibling “romantic” hookup. I don’t want this, Lord. #GameOfThrones
I feel badly for Stark’s daughter. Please someone get her out of this mess. #GameOfThronea
Wow. The queen who is married to the king who is closeted. She’s ... wow. I ... the words are escaping me right now. #GameOfThrones
My boy who helped the Starks girl escape. A real OG. #GameOfThrones
Season 2, episode 4. Join me! #GameOfThrones
Oh yay. Another sex scene. #GameOfThrones
Why are they just executing these dudes?! And what is this rat for?! And why am I still watching this?? #GameOfThrones
Oh yay. Another head on a stake. #GameOfThrones
Wait. So — and i regret asking this already — is Cersai now sleeping with her cousin? The queen who is in a relationship with her twin brother is also sleeping with her cousin? I just ... #GameOfThrones
Um. What the hell kind of baby did she just give birth to? Like a shadow of dust baby? I ... I need to talk this one through. What did I just see? #GameOfThrones
I don't even know what the hell kind of show I'm watching right now. As my granddad used to say: "what in the devil is this?" Anyway, Season 2, episode 5. Who you wit?! #GameOfThrones
WHAT THE ENTIRE ... JUST HAPPENED?! I ... so now y’all have flying black dust who can stab people?! What kind of murder did I just witness?! #GameOfThrones
You know who my BOY is though?! (And again, I hate saying this because I know you’re not supposed to get attached to people) is Braun or however you spell his name. Dinklage’s boy. I love him! #GameOfThrones
It’s wild how children are calling the shots regarding war too. The young Sparks boy is like what, 9? And his little ass is like “... yeah, yeah, yeah, send 200 men into battle to protect our banner.” Like, don’t you have some prehistoric legos to be playing with? #GameOfThrones
I see a certain type of dude likes my girl, the blonde chick. Hell of a proposal from the dude who sliced his hand to let her in the gate. #GameOfThrones
Anyway! Season 2, episode 6. Let’s do this! #GameOfThrones
I’m now watching this with @jemelehill who gets to hear all of the profanity I use IRL and see how many times I hold my face when a head is getting chopped off. #GameOfThrones
Yooooooo! The ex prisoner who’s helping my girl — the young Stark girl — is also my boy! Killed old boy who was about to run to the ole nasty ass queen’s daddy. You know. The queen who is sleeping with her twin brother ... #GameOfThrones
Out cold. Somebody stole my girl’s dragons. Anyway! On to episode 7, season 2. #GameOfThrones
I’ll actually never forgive @jemelehill for having me watch this. Ever. This ain’t even my kind of thing. But yet, here we are. #GameOfThrones
The dude who looks like Frodo — the guy who molested his sister on a horse — I don’t like him. #GameOfThrones
I am now drinking cups of alcohol while watching this. How I lasted this long without is beyond me. #GameOfThrones
I like the girl who looks like Jennifer Love Hewitt and Starks’ son together. They should be a thing! #GameOfThrones
Wait! Who are those small burned bodies hanging?! What is happening?!!! #GameOfThrones
You know ... I was going to take a break for the night and watch something lighter fared like 90 Day Fiancé or Shahs of Sunset, but screw it. We only have three episodes left in season 2. Let’s do it, y’all. #GameOfThrones
Aaaaaaaah! My favorite would be couple is getting together!!! The Jennifer Love Hewitt lookalike and the king of the north! #GameOfThrones
Seasons 2, Episode 9. Home stretch, guys! Home stretch! #GameOfThrones
Have I said how much I hate ole lying ass Joffrey lately? I do. Let’s see what his “uncle” Stannis is about to do ... #GameOfThrones
Welp. Apparently not much maybe?Damn. Though credit goes to my boy Dinklage on blowing up all those ships. Yowza. #GameOfThrones
Wow wow wow. This battle is epiccccc! And not over yet! #GameOfThrones
I’m not sure I drew a breath in the last thirty seconds of that episode. GIRL. #GameOfThrones
Season 2, episode 10. Last one of the night. And then season 3? I hear I’m going to need someone to hold me through that one #GameOfThrones
Yes!! My boy Peter!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ #GameOfThrones
Wait. I thought home girl escaped?! Why is the Stark girl still there?! #GameOfThrones
Brianne!!!!!!!! #GameOfThrones
So dumbass whatever his name is killed all the ravens, so now he can’t send a middle earth text message to even get help. Idiot. #GameOfThrones
Is “Milk Of The Puppy” like Vicodin? #GameOfThrones
Oh snap! My boy the great stallion or whatever! #GameOfThrones
OH. Have they been saying “milk of the poppy” this whole time?! On everything I love I thought they were talking about getting milk from the wolf puppies. The former i guess makes better sense? #GameOfThrones
Mother of Dragons!!!! You betta! #GameOfThrones
Oh HELL NO. What was that creature?! NOPE. #GameOfThrones
Guys. I dunno about season three, yet I want to watch because that’s the one all of y’all seem to agree on. Ugh. Anyway, good night. I ... #GameOfThrones
Guys. I've been up for hours (I'm on the west coast and it's not even 8:30 a.m) for a work meeting and I kind of want to sneak in episode 1 of season 3. I'm a whole fool. But screw it. Ignore this bosses. I set my alarm for an early thing for y'all so give me this. #GameOfThrones
My boy thickums!!! Glad to see that the undead ghouls who surprisingly didn’t keep me up at night, didn’t get him. #GameOfThrones
What the hell is old boy eating?! A rat on a stick?! #GameOfThrones
My boy Braun! Y’all don’t want this smoke Knights. #GameOfThrones
Ok. I don’t like the queen who had children with her twin brother’s daddy. He’s mean! Have i said that yet? Get up off my boy Dinklage! #GameOfThrones
Whew. This dinner with the in-law is awkward. Queen doesn’t care for Lady Marjorie, eh? That’s fine. NO ONE CARES FOR YOU QUEEN NASTY. #GameOfThrones
This translation is killing me! Who is this dude?! And why is he so mean?! Like you’re either going to give my girl the Mother of Dragons her army or not. #GameOfThrones
Guys. One more? **hangs head in shame**
Don’t believe this grandma, girl! Lie and get out of there! Go find your brother and mother! #GameOfThrones
Hound! #GameOfThrones
Episode 3. Then I’m out — for a while. Gotta prep for an interview and actually do some work. You guys did this to me. #GameOfThrones
Whoa! Those poor horsies!
Ugh. This is the disgusting man, right? The one who rapes his daughters. The worst. 🤮🤮🤮
Oh no. A baby boy. This is heartbreaking. Can someone hurry up and get with this elderly man, already? #GameOfThrones
They’re roughing up my girl Brianna and I’m furious! #GameOfThrones
Oh DAMN!!! He sliced homeboy’s hand off?! Rude. Anyway! Off to work i go! See y’all in a bit! #GameOfThrones
One question before i go: How do we feel about Uncle Daddy’s hand being cut off? I don’t really like him, so I guess ok? #GameOfThrones
