So we have to talk about #IndianMatchmaking. I was pleasantly surprised - it had very relatable characters, situations and the show does a good job of giving us a sneak peek into each individual's psyche.
But it completely ignores the reality of arranged marriages.
But it completely ignores the reality of arranged marriages.
Let's gets some facts:
1/ 96% of Indian marriages are arranged within the same caste / community. There is some allusion to this in the show but its swept under the carpet. The caste system is in general a terrible idea.
2/ Dowry is very prevalent in arranged marriages.
1/ 96% of Indian marriages are arranged within the same caste / community. There is some allusion to this in the show but its swept under the carpet. The caste system is in general a terrible idea.
2/ Dowry is very prevalent in arranged marriages.
3/ Demands for dowry often lead to ongoing abuse of the wife in a marriage. Dowry deaths / suicides are unfortunately not uncommon at all.
4/ Honor killings -- also happen pretty frequently, if you disobey your family to pick a life partner all by yourself.
4/ Honor killings -- also happen pretty frequently, if you disobey your family to pick a life partner all by yourself.
5/ Outside the bubble of wealthy American Indians, most women entering an arranged marriage barely know who they are getting married to.
And very often, have had very little say in the matter.
6/ Its not uncommon for women getting married to have their identity wiped out.
And very often, have had very little say in the matter.
6/ Its not uncommon for women getting married to have their identity wiped out.
7/ Colorism -- preference for fairer skin tones. Again there's an allusion to this in the show but not handled head on.
Very prevalent in arranged marriages to explicitly demand a certain skin color. Which you can over-ride sometimes by paying a higher dowry.
Very prevalent in arranged marriages to explicitly demand a certain skin color. Which you can over-ride sometimes by paying a higher dowry.
8/ And yes -- arranged marriages can lead to long lasting union. But often at terrible cost, especially to the women:
a) complete loss of agency
b) physical and verbal abuse
c) becoming a servant to all the members of the household.
And women are expected to put up with it.
a) complete loss of agency
b) physical and verbal abuse
c) becoming a servant to all the members of the household.
And women are expected to put up with it.
9/ So called "love marriages" in India don't always lead to a longer union -- because the tight family bonds that force people into staying together despite all the pain don't have the same force.
But there's overall lower incidence of the abusive elements of arranged marriages.
But there's overall lower incidence of the abusive elements of arranged marriages.
10/ Net net, @netflix has done a dis-service to Indian society.
11/ Forgot to add -- the huge cost of getting daughters married (dowry, marriage costs etc.) is one of the primary reasons for selective abortion of female fetuses in many parts of India. Millions of girls have been murdered, thanks to institutions such as arranged marriage.
