She sat at the corner of the coffee shop, her black hair tied up in a bun, watching the rain patter against the window as she sipped her coffee. It felt good as she gripped the cup in her hands, taking in all the warmth it gave her.
She looked at the busy people on the busy road and thought about how they were glued into their own restless and complicated lives. She thought about how unique each of them was and wished she was just one among them. But for now, the steaming cup of coffee was all she needed.
She looked at the chair across the table, as he slumped in, a whole half hour late. He must have kissed her forehead; she felt something on it, as he took her coffee. He started talking but it seemed as though he was just making sounds she couldn’t hear.
She turned back to the window and felt so aware of all the lights and sounds outside, much closer to her than he was.
All of a sudden, she was in the middle of the road. The indefinite voices and the restlessness around her gave way to a moment of numbing silence.
All of a sudden, she was in the middle of the road. The indefinite voices and the restlessness around her gave way to a moment of numbing silence.
Somewhere in the distance, a kid waved at her. The innocence that came rambling at her hurt more than she thought it would. She closed her eyes for a moment and found herself lost in the crowd. There was joy and laughter, the world looked at peace.
Her train of thoughts came to a sudden halt when he leaned forward from across the table and took her face in his hands. She froze for a moment and a teardrop ran its course down her cheek without asking for her approval.
Crash and burn.
Crash and burn.
In a second, it all went away like the tear that crept from her eye. Hurt turned into guilt; joy and laughter into paranoia and voices of mockery. She was supposed to be in love with him, at peace with him. Wasn’t he her world now? This couldn’t be love. This just couldn’t be it.
His palms felt alien and cold. She clasped them with hers, and desperately thought of ways to distract him. “No, I can’t!”, she exclaimed. How much longer was she to hide her feelings of disconnect?
Every time he held her hand, kissed her, made love to her, he left her feeling a little less of herself. It was as though he was draining her of herself, turning her into someone, something else.
Maybe she was someone else. She had found solace in things and people other than her lover, like the simple cup of hot coffee. As she tried to divert him, her thoughts ended up clearing the fog in her head. She felt something inside her stir, and smile.
She closed her eyes.
She closed her eyes.
She remembered the times that were. Remembered how she used to go almost dizzy with anticipation every time she looked at the girl that lived down the corridor. There was just something so strikingly beautiful about her.
Those delicate arms, the curve of her smile, and the way her hair moved with the breeze. She was ordinary, and yet exquisite; so mysterious, so complex, that she just had to experience the beauty that laid veiled behind her kohl clad eyes.
Those were marvellous times. Times when she was true to herself.
She opened her eyes, and saw the kid waving again. Only, this time, there was no pain that came hurtling at her. She got up from her chair, left the coffee shop and did something she should’ve done years ago.
She opened her eyes, and saw the kid waving again. Only, this time, there was no pain that came hurtling at her. She got up from her chair, left the coffee shop and did something she should’ve done years ago.
She went in search of those beautifully enticing kohl clad eyes from her past. Oh, how she missed them, those eyes. The feeling that stirred inside her, smiling a guilty smile, was here to stay.
(co-wrote this with a friend in 2013)
