What language is this? Sounds like a message from the year 914 or one of Jupiter's moons
I feel like I'm just one bottom-of-the-box Cocoa Puffs decoder ring away from understanding what Hollywood actor Jon Voight is talking about here, unless he's reading to be Guard #3 in a local Sausalito production of Othello, in which case he may have to settle for "prop manager"
A speech like this is usually the prelude to marrying your seventh wife and surrounding your compound with concertina wire
Why does what is clearly the lobby of a Mazda dealership have an American flag that big
If anyone has played this backwards let me know what it says
I feel like Jon Voight should save this material for his Tinder profile
Reddit says this is the abridged, primetime version of a two-minute ad for reverse mortgages and I believe it
If you listen to this like it's a hostage video in which Stephen Miller is standing menacingly just off-screen with a poison-tipped spear it makes more sense
I'm imagining Jon Voight as a minor character on The Office whose schtick is that every time it's his turn in the confessional he recites this video exactly
This video makes more sense if you imagine it being recorded 35 years from now, after a 113 year-old Jon Voight has just made himself king of a micronation composed of 968 lashed-together beach chairs in the North Sea
As long as the President of the United States doesn't retweet this tone poem about constipation I think he's—oh, nevermind
Oh my God there's a Part 2
What could possibly have been left unsaid in the improbably full diaper that was Part 1
What could possibly have been left unsaid in the improbably full diaper that was Part 1
Why did Part 1 not also merit a sport coat
I am uncomfortable with the idea that Jon Voight thought this message important enough for a wardrobe change
In Part 2 Jon Voight explains that the Revolutionary War ended in a temporary "truce" and I'm not kidding
He also tells viewers to "Get your balance ready" which confirms he's running a telethon in which he auctions off all and I mean *all* his clothes
He also tells viewers to "Get your balance ready" which confirms he's running a telethon in which he auctions off all and I mean *all* his clothes
He may have said "get your ballots ready" but I don't know how many ballots he thinks each of us gets
This is actually the second entry in a 10-part video series in which Jon Voight gets one foot closer to the camera each time
Sure, you could call him "President Trump"
Or—*or*—like Hollywood actor Jon Voight, you could do your required morning Trump oblations *properly*, calling him "Donald Trump, he who has been sworn to presidency"
Or—*or*—like Hollywood actor Jon Voight, you could do your required morning Trump oblations *properly*, calling him "Donald Trump, he who has been sworn to presidency"
