Post

@realDonaldTrump

@realDonaldTrump

@realDonaldTrump

@realDonaldTrump

More from @caslernoel

NoelCaslerComedy🌙

@caslernoel

Apr 16

Now you see why Trump didn’t make it into the Oval Office until noon everyday. WH staff covered by calling it ‘executive time’. In reality it is called addiction & dysfunction. Trump is NOT fit to serve. Vote Blue.

P.S, this greasy mfker was just as unmanageable back in ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ days but NBC kept that part quiet cause he made them money.

They even let him host SNL & Jimmy Fallon got to tousle his hair, presenting him as some kind of affable billionaire instead of the drug-addicted, racist sexual predator anyone who spent more than 5 mins with him knew. We even shot first ‘CA’ finale in Studio 8H.

Read 4 tweets

NoelCaslerComedy🌙

@caslernoel

Apr 15

‘Back in his gold plated fortress in the sky the orange man was restless, he was never one for sleep, but tonight he would be having none. This was a given & not just because abusing pharmaceuticals was what passed for a hobby in his rattled old mind…this was his home or at…

Least it once had been. He raised his kids here; well at least the hired help of the three wives who bore them did. He remembers Don Jr going downstairs to play video games with MJ back in the day. He would go downstairs and play other games in the brothels the…

Russians brought in. That was after he chased out Fat Tony’s boys & Local 282 John Cody’s mol. Hell, he had to give her a duplex just to get it built. Only way around the Teamsters strike back in ‘82. He already paid for all that cheap concrete, no way he was gonna let it get…

Read 9 tweets

NoelCaslerComedy🌙

@caslernoel

Apr 10

‘He sauntered on to his private G550, wearing a tight black t-shirt that silhouetted his plump b-cups. A black cowboy hat was on backwards but none of the sycophants gathered for the short flight from Austin had the balls to tell him. He told a joke in his strange clipped dialect

as if he had learned to speak from a drunk donkey. More bray than balance. The emphasis falling on the wrong syllables & cascading into a word salad no one could decipher but were paid to endure. He walked to his private back lounge where he had a massage table and a Space..

X employee, a comely trained PT who was about to get propositioned. ‘I’ll buy you horse if you give me a hand job…no, no I’m serious’ disgusted she rebuked him as a slight crease formed on his botoxed bro, he knew he’d crossed a line and it would cost him in court. He was off to

Read 6 tweets

NoelCaslerComedy🌙

@caslernoel

Apr 5

‘He was nothing more than a wrinkled sack of fat & grease, once the Ozempic kicked-in his sagging skin draped from his fragile bones. A few strips of corn husk glued to his scalp resembled the hair on a doll from the 19th century..he avoided the pool at Mar a Lago anyway…’

A lifelong fear of water, the only man in Palm Beach without a boat. In the old days he would toss ‘models’ into the pool when Epstein visited to impress his partner in all things trafficked. He hated Barr now but was grateful he took care of Jeff for him. Hell, it was half reason he picked him for his AG. He knew..

That was a loose end he couldn’t leave to chance. The Russians had warned him of that, he would be replaced soon enough. If there’s one thing the billionaires that backed him in Palm Beach couldn’t get enough of it was underage girls & tax cuts and Trump delivered both. The..

Read 6 tweets

NoelCaslerComedy🌙

@caslernoel

Apr 1

‘He spent Easter with a scowl on his oily orange face. A few snorts of Addy to get the synapses firing like an old Plymouth with timing issues. It wasn’t perfect but it was all he had. Hell, his followers didn’t know the difference anyway. They just wanted to SEE him, to smell…

him, to luxuriate in the polyester presence of a thousand other lost souls seeking something they would never find: redemption. The was no time for salvation in Trump’s world. He was sent here to burn things not to build them. What passed for absolution was spittle inflected bile

‘I like him better than Jesus cause he seems whiter to me’ said the 67 year-old woman who claimed to be on her 100th MAGA rally. Trump despised the crowds, even more so lately as he resented leaving Mar a Lago & being forced to focus on anything of than his perceived persecution

Read 6 tweets

NoelCaslerComedy🌙

@caslernoel

Mar 25

‘The corpulent orange predator sauntered on to the stage, his pulpit in his favorite church. The courthouse, he pretended to be put-off but he secretly loved it. It was his arena & had been since the Roy Cohn days, when he learned it was one of the few places left a rich white…

man could move the goal posts to their advantage. He loved the pageantry, the way the bailiffs always said ‘Hello, Sir!’ and he just knew they’d be bragging about meeting him to the wives back on Staten Island. He knew the press would be there, especially now, and he knew..

they would give him what he most desired: attention. Hell, they were getting rich of of it, unintentional players in the reality show that had become Trump and his quest to destroy democracy. To exact revenge on behalf of Putin on the USA. He was too dumb & too high to see..

Read 5 tweets

Share this page!

Enter URL or ID to Unroll

NoelCaslerComedy🌙

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

More from @caslernoel

NoelCaslerComedy🌙

NoelCaslerComedy🌙

NoelCaslerComedy🌙

NoelCaslerComedy🌙

NoelCaslerComedy🌙

NoelCaslerComedy🌙

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Don't want to be a Premium member but still want to support us?

Send Email!