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NYC Based Stand-Up Comedian•Noel Casler Podcast•Car Rants• 'Noel's Notes' on Substack•Tour Dates at https://t.co/snzWVJwEbz
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Apr 23 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
‘A big, loud place reeking of gasoline & teeming with ignorant people making too much noise. It needed a hero as perverse & backward as it had itself become. Something made from the same noxious material, a man with the same appetite for salt & fat and transactional sex…’ Someone for whom intimacy & education were the domain of the stratum he never understood. The kinda folks that kept books in their homes & read them. That cared for their kids instead of exploiting them as trophies. His sons born of the same rotten seed, he could only view them..
Apr 16 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
Now you see why Trump didn’t make it into the Oval Office until noon everyday. WH staff covered by calling it ‘executive time’. In reality it is called addiction & dysfunction. Trump is NOT fit to serve. Vote Blue. P.S, this greasy mfker was just as unmanageable back in ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ days but NBC kept that part quiet cause he made them money.
Apr 15 • 9 tweets • 2 min read
‘Back in his gold plated fortress in the sky the orange man was restless, he was never one for sleep, but tonight he would be having none. This was a given & not just because abusing pharmaceuticals was what passed for a hobby in his rattled old mind…this was his home or at… Least it once had been. He raised his kids here; well at least the hired help of the three wives who bore them did. He remembers Don Jr going downstairs to play video games with MJ back in the day. He would go downstairs and play other games in the brothels the…
Apr 10 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
‘He sauntered on to his private G550, wearing a tight black t-shirt that silhouetted his plump b-cups. A black cowboy hat was on backwards but none of the sycophants gathered for the short flight from Austin had the balls to tell him. He told a joke in his strange clipped dialect as if he had learned to speak from a drunk donkey. More bray than balance. The emphasis falling on the wrong syllables & cascading into a word salad no one could decipher but were paid to endure. He walked to his private back lounge where he had a massage table and a Space..
Apr 5 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
‘He was nothing more than a wrinkled sack of fat & grease, once the Ozempic kicked-in his sagging skin draped from his fragile bones. A few strips of corn husk glued to his scalp resembled the hair on a doll from the 19th century..he avoided the pool at Mar a Lago anyway…’ A lifelong fear of water, the only man in Palm Beach without a boat. In the old days he would toss ‘models’ into the pool when Epstein visited to impress his partner in all things trafficked. He hated Barr now but was grateful he took care of Jeff for him. Hell, it was half reason he picked him for his AG. He knew..
Apr 1 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
‘He spent Easter with a scowl on his oily orange face. A few snorts of Addy to get the synapses firing like an old Plymouth with timing issues. It wasn’t perfect but it was all he had. Hell, his followers didn’t know the difference anyway. They just wanted to SEE him, to smell… him, to luxuriate in the polyester presence of a thousand other lost souls seeking something they would never find: redemption. The was no time for salvation in Trump’s world. He was sent here to burn things not to build them. What passed for absolution was spittle inflected bile
Mar 25 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
‘The corpulent orange predator sauntered on to the stage, his pulpit in his favorite church. The courthouse, he pretended to be put-off but he secretly loved it. It was his arena & had been since the Roy Cohn days, when he learned it was one of the few places left a rich white… man could move the goal posts to their advantage. He loved the pageantry, the way the bailiffs always said ‘Hello, Sir!’ and he just knew they’d be bragging about meeting him to the wives back on Staten Island. He knew the press would be there, especially now, and he knew..
Mar 25 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
When Trump hosted ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ his entire shtick was asking the celebrities to call up their wealthy friends and ask for money to donate to their causes. He would then make a big show of ‘matching the donation’ which he never did and it left NBC exposed. The strategy.. he uses today to raise $464M for NYC. For Trump it was always about letting others pay your way. It’s the kernel of his biz philosophy: blackmail, cajole or strong arm to cut corners & rely on anything but merit & self sufficiency. He’s a man who has never known responsibility.
Mar 21 • 10 tweets • 2 min read
‘The flamed-out, grizzled and mottled white man looked in the mirror. He was living in Miami making bathtub meth and figuring out his next move. Sure he went bust as a producer in Hollywood and made the move so many before him had, to Florida and an embrace of the… burgeoning conservative fascist movement. This wasn’t Pat Buchanan’s rank and xenophobic talk and certain far from Buckley’s prep school & tweed reactionary fancy speak. This was a new, blood & guts, batsh*t crazy stuff and he wanted in. He heard how much Limbaugh was bringing in
Mar 21 • 9 tweets • 2 min read
If there was a man who lived in your town that everyone knew was attracted to his own daughter, that filed 6 bankruptcies, that called other people vermin & praised Hitler while facing 91 criminal indictments most likely that man would not be elected mayor. He would be shunned. If he reached out to every racist crackpot in your state, hit ‘em up for money to pay his bills, courted criminals and killers to help him seek revenge on his so call enemies you wouldn’t be able to get the greasy conman out your county fast enough. Stop pretending MAGA is legit.
Mar 19 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
‘His eponymous tower rose like a giant phallus in the heart of 5th Avenue. Piercing the limestone civility with cheap steel & black glass. Rising out of the rubble of Bonwitt Teller, a place he sought fit to destroy in the dark of night with undocumented polish labor… That would teach those greedy unions he thought to himself. ‘Hell the Poles did it for $4 bucks an hour and didn’t even wear helmets’ He still stiffed ‘em on the back end. Sure he paid a mil later on to settle the suit but the point was made. It was worth it to smash the friezes
Mar 17 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
‘Please rise for the unfairly & horribly treated January 6th hostages…’ he liked that part he thought smugly, wrote it himself. Watch how these rubes cheer when I salute the anthem. I’m gonna need these freaks again next January and a f*ck ton more of them’ he thought as the… Addy swirled around his brain. Not enough he thought, I was gonna snort more before AZ but these f*ckers told me I was gonna land in OH. Hated the place ever since his helo pilot got popped with a couple of kilos back in 80’s. Cost him a damn apartment in Trump Tower and a..
Mar 17 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
“I can’t read this damn teleprompter,” Mr. Trump said. “This sucker is moving around. It’s like reading a moving flag in a 35-mile-an-hour wind.”

If you pay attention there’s a correlation between Trump’s struggles with reading & his hate speech. He feels weak so he lashes out. That’s not to say he’s not a racist, xenophobic POS at his core. He is & always has been. But he is also the most deeply insecure mker I have ever met. His inability to read beyond a 2nd grade level is a core reason he snorts Adderall & abuses stimulants and has most of his life.
Mar 11 • 6 tweets • 2 min read
The reason you know Putin is the real power behind Trump, when Donald asked for meeting to borrow some cash, Musk got on HIS jet & flew across the country to see Trump. Not the other way around which is how it usually works with billionaires. It shows the req came from higher up. It also circles back to Epstein/Maxwell & the vast trove of Kompromat he filtered back to Putin and which Trump has not only access to, he uses as leverage against much of the GOP. They’re all scared of something and it’s not necessarily Donald. It’s his friends in Russia. Bet.
Mar 10 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
Trump opens his speech by mocking Biden’s stutter which he worked on and overcame-not hid in shame like Donald’s 2nd grade reading ability which was covered up by hiding his grades & paying others to take his tests. When I worked on ‘CA’ he couldn’t f’n read 3 syllable words. Trump’s inability to read was an inside joke w/Vanky & Jared. It’s why he snorts Adderall to feel like he has some control when reading in public. That clip from last week where everyone thought he was ‘short circuiting’ was really just him hitting a 3 syllable word on prompter.
Mar 9 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
‘He scrambled down to the foyer, well what passes for a ‘scramble’ in shoe lifts & a girdle. He knew he couldn’t move too fast or he’d get winded & the Depends would make that damn swooshing sound again. His gait resembled a drunken crab or a minotaur with vertigo & bunions…’ ‘He knew they laughed at him. He puffed out his chest and put on a scowl in the way his father had taught him and how he schooled his boys. The ‘Trump Power Stance’ along with this ‘white titan’ gaze had been perfected by years of posing for tabloid news pics. He remembered..’
Mar 5 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
If you look at the down ballot candidates in a lot states today you will find we have never fielded so many outright miscreants & just plain con job candidates? Steve Garvey, really? A klansman in MO, NC’s Lt Gov. The list goes on..it is indicative of Putin’s degradation of USA. Once he fielded Trump, and he won, with some hacking and pysops on facebook. He realized the decades long dumbing down of red state Americans thanks to Reagan walking right into Russia’s trap by allowing Murdoch to set up a ‘news channel’ for morons while at same time cutting…
Mar 4 • 4 tweets • 1 min read
What if the GOP Senators who went to Moscow on the 4th of July in 2018 were told in no uncertain terms that Putin would do whatever he wanted because the Russian mob owned Trump & every last Republican whether they were aware of it yet or not. Fall in line or else. Yes Sir, Vlad. Think of Trump/MAGA like ‘Los Pollos Hermanos’ there’s a whole other operation going on underneath that nobody sees that makes the money & calls the shots. MAGA is the retail brand for Russian mob who have fingers in NRA, Fed Soc, banks & judges. Just like any big crime org.
Mar 4 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
I turn 53 this month, I moved to NY in 1985 & have had to look at that bloated orange visage in print media & TV most of my life. He was obv a clown in ‘80’s but fit in with faux-glitz yuppie media of the era. He was like ‘Crazy Eddie’s’ coked-out brother, PT Barnum in Pampers… He had all the subtlety of a lighting store in Paramus, a pinball machine had more nuance. But as his biz’s rotted in 90’s he was more husk than corn. It was clear he was running a house of cards with his empire. Bankruptcies & divorces piled-up. He needed a bailout & that came…
Feb 26 • 5 tweets • 1 min read
There’s a lot of white dudes in this country that live tiny lives, they’re meager in spirit, slow on the uptake and always knew deep down they didn’t measure up. They know it because they have dads, uncles & brothers that don’t measure up either. And since they were kids… They’ve heard lies & racism, jokes, conspiracies, all sorts of ignorance designed to cover for their own lack of drive and pin their problems on another man. That dysfunctional & damaged spirit has been exploited and fed steroids with the MAGA movement and it’s attendant freaks..
Jan 24 • 7 tweets • 2 min read
I’m deeply ashamed of how stupid so many Americans have become. Supporting men like Trump, Greg Abbott, et, al listening to little right wing snot rags like Tucker Carlson who puke hateful bile, worshipping taint blisters like Elon Musk.

What the f*ck happened to US? There’s morons in TX & all across this land who think migrants are their greatest threat. This country wouldn’t run without immigration. That bastard painted orange who stoked your fears last night spent his whole life exploiting immigrant labor. You should fear him, not them.