NYC Based Stand-Up Comedianâ˘Noel Casler Podcastâ˘Car Rants⢠'Noel's Notes' on Substackâ˘Tour Dates at https://t.co/snzWVJwEbz
42 subscribed
Apr 23 ⢠6 tweets ⢠2 min read
âA big, loud place reeking of gasoline & teeming with ignorant people making too much noise. It needed a hero as perverse & backward as it had itself become. Something made from the same noxious material, a man with the same appetite for salt & fat and transactional sexâŚâ
Someone for whom intimacy & education were the domain of the stratum he never understood. The kinda folks that kept books in their homes & read them. That cared for their kids instead of exploiting them as trophies. His sons born of the same rotten seed, he could only view them..
Apr 16 ⢠4 tweets ⢠1 min read
Now you see why Trump didnât make it into the Oval Office until noon everyday. WH staff covered by calling it âexecutive timeâ. In reality it is called addiction & dysfunction. Trump is NOT fit to serve. Vote Blue.
P.S, this greasy mfker was just as unmanageable back in âCelebrity Apprenticeâ days but NBC kept that part quiet cause he made them money.
Apr 15 ⢠9 tweets ⢠2 min read
âBack in his gold plated fortress in the sky the orange man was restless, he was never one for sleep, but tonight he would be having none. This was a given & not just because abusing pharmaceuticals was what passed for a hobby in his rattled old mindâŚthis was his home or atâŚ
Least it once had been. He raised his kids here; well at least the hired help of the three wives who bore them did. He remembers Don Jr going downstairs to play video games with MJ back in the day. He would go downstairs and play other games in the brothels theâŚ
Apr 10 ⢠6 tweets ⢠2 min read
âHe sauntered on to his private G550, wearing a tight black t-shirt that silhouetted his plump b-cups. A black cowboy hat was on backwards but none of the sycophants gathered for the short flight from Austin had the balls to tell him. He told a joke in his strange clipped dialect
as if he had learned to speak from a drunk donkey. More bray than balance. The emphasis falling on the wrong syllables & cascading into a word salad no one could decipher but were paid to endure. He walked to his private back lounge where he had a massage table and a Space..
Apr 5 ⢠6 tweets ⢠2 min read
âHe was nothing more than a wrinkled sack of fat & grease, once the Ozempic kicked-in his sagging skin draped from his fragile bones. A few strips of corn husk glued to his scalp resembled the hair on a doll from the 19th century..he avoided the pool at Mar a Lago anywayâŚâ
A lifelong fear of water, the only man in Palm Beach without a boat. In the old days he would toss âmodelsâ into the pool when Epstein visited to impress his partner in all things trafficked. He hated Barr now but was grateful he took care of Jeff for him. Hell, it was half reason he picked him for his AG. He knew..
Apr 1 ⢠6 tweets ⢠2 min read
âHe spent Easter with a scowl on his oily orange face. A few snorts of Addy to get the synapses firing like an old Plymouth with timing issues. It wasnât perfect but it was all he had. Hell, his followers didnât know the difference anyway. They just wanted to SEE him, to smellâŚ
him, to luxuriate in the polyester presence of a thousand other lost souls seeking something they would never find: redemption. The was no time for salvation in Trumpâs world. He was sent here to burn things not to build them. What passed for absolution was spittle inflected bile
Mar 25 ⢠5 tweets ⢠1 min read
âThe corpulent orange predator sauntered on to the stage, his pulpit in his favorite church. The courthouse, he pretended to be put-off but he secretly loved it. It was his arena & had been since the Roy Cohn days, when he learned it was one of the few places left a rich whiteâŚ
man could move the goal posts to their advantage. He loved the pageantry, the way the bailiffs always said âHello, Sir!â and he just knew theyâd be bragging about meeting him to the wives back on Staten Island. He knew the press would be there, especially now, and he knew..
Mar 25 ⢠5 tweets ⢠1 min read
When Trump hosted âCelebrity Apprenticeâ his entire shtick was asking the celebrities to call up their wealthy friends and ask for money to donate to their causes. He would then make a big show of âmatching the donationâ which he never did and it left NBC exposed. The strategy..
he uses today to raise $464M for NYC. For Trump it was always about letting others pay your way. Itâs the kernel of his biz philosophy: blackmail, cajole or strong arm to cut corners & rely on anything but merit & self sufficiency. Heâs a man who has never known responsibility.
Mar 21 ⢠10 tweets ⢠2 min read
âThe flamed-out, grizzled and mottled white man looked in the mirror. He was living in Miami making bathtub meth and figuring out his next move. Sure he went bust as a producer in Hollywood and made the move so many before him had, to Florida and an embrace of theâŚ
burgeoning conservative fascist movement. This wasnât Pat Buchananâs rank and xenophobic talk and certain far from Buckleyâs prep school & tweed reactionary fancy speak. This was a new, blood & guts, batsh*t crazy stuff and he wanted in. He heard how much Limbaugh was bringing in
Mar 21 ⢠9 tweets ⢠2 min read
If there was a man who lived in your town that everyone knew was attracted to his own daughter, that filed 6 bankruptcies, that called other people vermin & praised Hitler while facing 91 criminal indictments most likely that man would not be elected mayor. He would be shunned.
If he reached out to every racist crackpot in your state, hit âem up for money to pay his bills, courted criminals and killers to help him seek revenge on his so call enemies you wouldnât be able to get the greasy conman out your county fast enough. Stop pretending MAGA is legit.
Mar 19 ⢠6 tweets ⢠2 min read
âHis eponymous tower rose like a giant phallus in the heart of 5th Avenue. Piercing the limestone civility with cheap steel & black glass. Rising out of the rubble of Bonwitt Teller, a place he sought fit to destroy in the dark of night with undocumented polish laborâŚ
That would teach those greedy unions he thought to himself. âHell the Poles did it for $4 bucks an hour and didnât even wear helmetsâ He still stiffed âem on the back end. Sure he paid a mil later on to settle the suit but the point was made. It was worth it to smash the friezes
Mar 17 ⢠6 tweets ⢠2 min read
âPlease rise for the unfairly & horribly treated January 6th hostagesâŚâ he liked that part he thought smugly, wrote it himself. Watch how these rubes cheer when I salute the anthem. Iâm gonna need these freaks again next January and a f*ck ton more of themâ he thought as theâŚ
Addy swirled around his brain. Not enough he thought, I was gonna snort more before AZ but these f*ckers told me I was gonna land in OH. Hated the place ever since his helo pilot got popped with a couple of kilos back in 80âs. Cost him a damn apartment in Trump Tower and a..
Mar 17 ⢠4 tweets ⢠1 min read
âI canât read this damn teleprompter,â Mr. Trump said. âThis sucker is moving around. Itâs like reading a moving flag in a 35-mile-an-hour wind.â
If you pay attention thereâs a correlation between Trumpâs struggles with reading & his hate speech. He feels weak so he lashes out.
Thatâs not to say heâs not a racist, xenophobic POS at his core. He is & always has been. But he is also the most deeply insecure mker I have ever met. His inability to read beyond a 2nd grade level is a core reason he snorts Adderall & abuses stimulants and has most of his life.
Mar 11 ⢠6 tweets ⢠2 min read
The reason you know Putin is the real power behind Trump, when Donald asked for meeting to borrow some cash, Musk got on HIS jet & flew across the country to see Trump. Not the other way around which is how it usually works with billionaires. It shows the req came from higher up.
It also circles back to Epstein/Maxwell & the vast trove of Kompromat he filtered back to Putin and which Trump has not only access to, he uses as leverage against much of the GOP. Theyâre all scared of something and itâs not necessarily Donald. Itâs his friends in Russia. Bet.
Mar 10 ⢠7 tweets ⢠2 min read
Trump opens his speech by mocking Bidenâs stutter which he worked on and overcame-not hid in shame like Donaldâs 2nd grade reading ability which was covered up by hiding his grades & paying others to take his tests. When I worked on âCAâ he couldnât fân read 3 syllable words.
Trumpâs inability to read was an inside joke w/Vanky & Jared. Itâs why he snorts Adderall to feel like he has some control when reading in public. That clip from last week where everyone thought he was âshort circuitingâ was really just him hitting a 3 syllable word on prompter.
Mar 9 ⢠5 tweets ⢠1 min read
âHe scrambled down to the foyer, well what passes for a âscrambleâ in shoe lifts & a girdle. He knew he couldnât move too fast or heâd get winded & the Depends would make that damn swooshing sound again. His gait resembled a drunken crab or a minotaur with vertigo & bunionsâŚâ
âHe knew they laughed at him. He puffed out his chest and put on a scowl in the way his father had taught him and how he schooled his boys. The âTrump Power Stanceâ along with this âwhite titanâ gaze had been perfected by years of posing for tabloid news pics. He remembered..â
Mar 5 ⢠4 tweets ⢠1 min read
If you look at the down ballot candidates in a lot states today you will find we have never fielded so many outright miscreants & just plain con job candidates? Steve Garvey, really? A klansman in MO, NCâs Lt Gov. The list goes on..it is indicative of Putinâs degradation of USA.
Once he fielded Trump, and he won, with some hacking and pysops on facebook. He realized the decades long dumbing down of red state Americans thanks to Reagan walking right into Russiaâs trap by allowing Murdoch to set up a ânews channelâ for morons while at same time cuttingâŚ
Mar 4 ⢠4 tweets ⢠1 min read
What if the GOP Senators who went to Moscow on the 4th of July in 2018 were told in no uncertain terms that Putin would do whatever he wanted because the Russian mob owned Trump & every last Republican whether they were aware of it yet or not. Fall in line or else. Yes Sir, Vlad.
Think of Trump/MAGA like âLos Pollos Hermanosâ thereâs a whole other operation going on underneath that nobody sees that makes the money & calls the shots. MAGA is the retail brand for Russian mob who have fingers in NRA, Fed Soc, banks & judges. Just like any big crime org.
Mar 4 ⢠5 tweets ⢠1 min read
I turn 53 this month, I moved to NY in 1985 & have had to look at that bloated orange visage in print media & TV most of my life. He was obv a clown in â80âs but fit in with faux-glitz yuppie media of the era. He was like âCrazy Eddieâsâ coked-out brother, PT Barnum in PampersâŚ
He had all the subtlety of a lighting store in Paramus, a pinball machine had more nuance. But as his bizâs rotted in 90âs he was more husk than corn. It was clear he was running a house of cards with his empire. Bankruptcies & divorces piled-up. He needed a bailout & that cameâŚ
Feb 26 ⢠5 tweets ⢠1 min read
Thereâs a lot of white dudes in this country that live tiny lives, theyâre meager in spirit, slow on the uptake and always knew deep down they didnât measure up. They know it because they have dads, uncles & brothers that donât measure up either. And since they were kidsâŚ
Theyâve heard lies & racism, jokes, conspiracies, all sorts of ignorance designed to cover for their own lack of drive and pin their problems on another man. That dysfunctional & damaged spirit has been exploited and fed steroids with the MAGA movement and itâs attendant freaks..
Jan 24 ⢠7 tweets ⢠2 min read
Iâm deeply ashamed of how stupid so many Americans have become. Supporting men like Trump, Greg Abbott, et, al listening to little right wing snot rags like Tucker Carlson who puke hateful bile, worshipping taint blisters like Elon Musk.
What the f*ck happened to US?
Thereâs morons in TX & all across this land who think migrants are their greatest threat. This country wouldnât run without immigration. That bastard painted orange who stoked your fears last night spent his whole life exploiting immigrant labor. You should fear him, not them.