Thread by @MarkFrancois12

Extracts from the plague diary of Mark ne-Francois-Pepys

July 30th 1665

Up betimes and after my Monster made with Sugar Puffs comes to our cul-de-sac, by appointment, @zatzi Annunziata Rees-Mogg to teach the poor how to cook potatoes, that being a Telegraph leader writer

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and hobbyist politician, there could be no baron’s daughter better to explain to those who merely work wiping senile bottoms or scrubbing floors how the world turns; that these peasants should put a bag of straight cut chips in the range when Annunziata offers her advice

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for free, as if the pressures of time, money, energy and ever-energetic children needing a constant eye, outweigh the excruciation of needing to have an opinion to a deadline whilst managing a household holiday rota, well, it defies sense; there is an innate pre-eminence of

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common-sense in our elites that the resourceless would do well to listen to; it is why for example, her brother Jacob would have fled Grenfell Tower while all the hapless key-workers stayed put, and it is why these rich never want, but the common people are poor and fat.

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By and by, whilst getting her sushi chef to teach me the saving of not filling my Pot Noodle to the line, we hear concerning news that our young Hotspur Tommy Robinson is fled to Spain, the closest safe country, for his own protection and very like the nature of this young

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gallant, he does intend to integrate fully into society there by refraining from the Saxon pastimes of jumping from balconies into hotel pools, being sick in doorways, making the beast with two backs in public and fighting before tapas bars and we hear, he intends to learn

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Spanish. So after being taught how to make crab ravioli with mussels and potato mariniere, on a bed of wilted spinach, caviar and a budget, I suspect the easiest thing in the world after a twelve hours on the tills, that it was rank, I ate a Pukka Pie and went to bed.

With thanks to @sophieplowden for withdrawing the superb image from the archive.

marknefrancoispas.co.uk