1. Hello and welcome! It’s episode 308 of #MrMrsBetterHalf. Mr. & Mrs. Better Half is designed to strengthen marriages & relationships that will lead to marriage, with wisdom from God's Word. 
2. If you missed the last episode, we discussed the topic- “My relationship has a month cycle; what am I doing wrong?” If you missed it, get it here wakelet.com/wake/hPdIK6HYk… #MrMrsBetterHalf
3. This week, we are discussing, “Can married and single people be friends?” To further clarify, this question really refers to a relationship between married and single people of the opposite sex. #MrMrsBetterHalf
4. This is a question that married folks typically ask when their spouses seem to be close friends with the opposite sex because they are wary of infidelity occurring. #MrMrsBetterHalf
5. First, understand that all people are deserving of love, friendship and vital relationships. We owe love to everyone. A person’s status whether married, single, widowed or divorced does not exclude you from the debt of love. #MrMrsBetterHalf
6. However, since relationships have different depths, the real question is ‘what are the appropriate levels or boundaries that should be placed in a relationship to ensure it remains healthy and beneficial to all parties?’ #MrMrsBetterHalf
7. Relationships are meant to improve, nourish and bless. That’s what a boundary should enhance. However, when a boundary exists to discriminate or inadvertently punish, we must be very careful. Prejudice can sneak up under the cloak of false wisdom. #MrMrsBetterHalf
8. So first as a married person, I feel entitled to ask other married persons: do you show genuine love and care to singles? Do you love them as you should your brother or sister, or do you erect fences to keep them away as if they are a danger to your existence? #MrMrsBetterHalf
9. Being single is not a sin. A single person is not a threat to your life or marriage. And let’s get real- if it’s about cheating, a person is just as capable of cheating with a married person as he or she is with a single person. #MrMrsBetterHalf
10. That said, let’s look at the situation more critically. Where a spouse complains about his/her mate being friends with singles of the opposite sex, first establish whether the situation applies to single people in general or a particular person. #MrMrsBetterHalf
11. If you are resentful of your spouse chatting with single people in general, you need to work on being more tolerant. It is impossible for your husband/wife not to meet single people in the course of life- just as you meet them too. #MrMrsBetterHalf
12. I can assuredly tell you that not all single women are after your husband, and not all single men are interested in your wife. A few might be but don’t use a perverted yardstick to measure innocent people. #MrMrsBetterHalf
13. So, the issue lies either with you or your husband. If you are insecure or feel constantly threatened by other people, that is something you will have to work on. Work on your self-esteem and confidence. #MrMrsBetterHalf
14. The truth is that if you don’t know your value, you will always consider yourself replaceable; and that is what makes you paranoid. Don’t live in a prison of your own making. #MrMrsBetterHalf
15. Now is it your husband that makes you feel suspicious? Is he a philanderer or does he have a wandering eye? Again, that is not an issue for the single girls but rather for you and your husband to deal with. #MrMrsBetterHalf
16. Or does your wife subtly or overtly flirt with single men and don’t know where or how to draw the line? Then she needs to learn boundaries and self-respect. #MrMrsBetterHalf
17. You have to have crucial conversations with your spouse or even call in people that can hold him/her accountable for the situation. The truth is that they must be willing to be faithful. You cannot police someone into fidelity. #MrMrsBetterHalf
18. Now if it is a particular lady or guy that has got you concerned, then you need to be direct about it. Don’t make assumptions - assumption is the lowest form of knowledge. Speak up and ask questions about this person. #MrMrsBetterHalf
19. Talking to your spouse will either confirm your suspicions or set your mind at ease. Either way, you are better prepared for the next line of action. #MrMrsBetterHalf
20. A quick word to husbands, women are intuitive. If your wife is not usually the jealous type but she flags a relationship you’ve developed or are developing, pay attention no matter how much you are enjoying this friend. #MrMrsBetterHalf
21. What is it that she is uncomfortable with? What can you do to remedy it? Ask a few questions. Do you need added boundaries? Do you need to bring her into the friendship? Or do you need to cut the friendship off completely? #MrMrsBetterHalf
22. Then another thing that both parties need to be mindful of is time spent. Remember that your life should have a balance. When it comes to relationships it’s God first, family & others after. Ensure you don't esteem this friendship over God or your family. #MrMrsBetterHalf
23. Having a new friend doesn’t mean you should spend all your time with him or her. For the married, you can’t spend hours on the phone daily with one person and not expect your spouse to be concerned. Bring balance to the relationship. #MrMrsBetterHalf
24. For both parties, you need to ask, what is the objective of the friendship? What are the benefits? What are you trying to achieve? Remember, when the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. Define the objectives. #MrMrsBetterHalf
25. A relationship that has a goal has a greater chance to be fruitful and long-lasting. Your goal might be to provide career mentorship, accountability, spiritual development, a place of safety, or an adoptive family. #MrMrsBetterHalf
26. I know wonderful married people who take singles under their wings so that they always know they have a home to go to, an emergency contact, and a place for the holidays. #MrMrsBetterHalf
27. Some people set themselves up for each other as mentors in business or career. And don’t immediately assume the married people are the mentors! Many single people are able to guide others in several areas of life including relationships. #MrMrsBetterHalf
28. And sometimes the relationship is just one of friendship, and that’s fine. We just want to hang out and do life together! Great! Commit to genuinely build a friendship that encourages faith and accountability. #MrMrsBetterHalf
29. When defining the purpose of your friendship, it’s also important to state the boundaries. Define and decide not to engage in activities that will cause you to develop unhealthy feelings for each other or cause you to engage in sex or sexual activity. #MrMrsBetterHalf
30. Define and decide on who helps you keep your relationship in check. For a married person, that’s easy. Your spouse should be able to keep you in check. For a single person, find someone whether married or single that can do the same for you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
31. Now for singles, please guard your hearts because it is possible to get emotionally attached to someone in an unhealthy manner. Don’t let your life revolve around this married person because he/she has bigger responsibilities. #MrMrsBetterHalf
32. You cannot fight against his/her family for his/her attention and win. You must have a healthy ecosystem of other friends and family members. That way you are not vulnerable to falling in love with someone who is unavailable. #MrMrsBetterHalf
33. If you find yourself developing inappropriate feelings for your friend, you need to put some distance between you and also talk to someone that can help you sort through your emotions and help you erect healthy emotional boundaries. #MrMrsBetterHalf
34. Please note that this is nothing to be alarmed about- this is just life. Sometimes when you get very close to someone feelings develop. What you need to do is make adjustments. It doesn’t make you a demon; it makes you human. #MrMrsBetterHalf
35. So what can you do to temper those feelings? Maybe reduce the time you spend chatting or talking. Have fewer private conversations. Involve the spouse and family more in your relationship. Make some new friends. Basically, redistribute your attention! #MrMrsBetterHalf
36. Whatever you give attention to will blossom. If you fill your mind with someone, you will soon obsess over him or her. Simply fill your mind & heart with something else & the obsession will ease. If it doesn’t you need to severe that relationship altogether. #MrMrsBetterHalf
37. Finally, a big ‘do’. I encourage that where a married and single-person plan to forge a meaningful friendship that the married person pull his/her spouse into it. This creates a safe haven for the three of you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
38. This doesn’t mean the 3 of you have to be best friends, but at least your spouse is able to participate in your friendship without being an interloper. #MrMrsBetterHalf
39. A few don’ts. Ensure you don’t keep secrets from your spouse. Don’t engage in conversations you don’t want your spouse to hear or see - that’s a sign that your friendship is becoming inappropriate and you should probably call it quits. #MrMrsBetterHalf
40. Singles, the same goes for you. If you notice your married friend says or does things that you know s/he would not do if their spouse was present, you need to speak up about it. Don’t let anyone toy with you or your emotions. #MrMrsBetterHalf
41. Above all, let us love one another in a way to heal and not to hurt. A true friendship should enrich all that are affected by it- it should not cause chaos or mistrust. Let this guide the way we treat one another. #MrMrsBetterHalf
42. I hope this has been helpful. I will be back next week with another topic. Till then, thank you for following, participating and RTing. May your marriages and relationships be sweet! #MrMrsBetterHalf
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