Okay Jerks -
The mean cyber gods kept me off of the intertubes for a few days, so I am kicking off our annual August #ButlerFest in proper fashion.
Allow me to walk you through the CLASSIC that is GEOSTORM. This is a film that demands to be seen, to be appreciated - to be loved.
This is the one sheet from the release. Looks damned dramatic, eh? That wave is what, 50 feet tall, 100 feet? ? ?
Well, we'll never know.
The studio sold the film with an image that never takes place in the movie itself.
Things open in dramatic fashion -- with a voice-over. The film is rooted in the threat of global warming, with all the dire perils and all of the science needed to save us from ourselves.
So they give us stock footage of bad weather, and a lecture from an eight year old girl.
After we are told that the planet is besieged by BOTH floods and droughts, the globe was saved by thousands of satellites that were launched to form a web and controlling the weather. This was spearheaded by the United Nations.
Sooooo....this IS science fiction.
With all the import placed on the global consortium, and how over a dozen nations banded together to save us, this effort was spearheaded by a force of nature himself.
All of this was guided into place and ultimately the planet was saved by ONE MAN!
Yes, @GerardButler is THAT MAN. Well, he's Jake Lawson, and Jake rushes to a Senate hearing to get yelled at by politicians. Yes, that's how you treat a man who saved the planet.
Imagine Chuck Schumer yelling at Sully Sullenberger for drinks spilled while landing in the Hudson.
In three years the US is turning over control of the satellite system, dubbed ''Dutch Boy'', because cultural appropriation is cool when the government does it.
Since Jake is the single mastermind the Senators are angry at him and he is fired. Imagine - a hero who is troubled.
CUT TO
Three years later-
In the desert of Afghanistan UN troops stop in the sand to find a village that has been flash frozen, with the villagers and donkeys now ice statues.
In the desert.
Because of course that happens.
It explains while ''global warming'' fell out of favor.
There is a lot that needs to be explained.
Why did a malfunctioning satellite cause this?
Why did this severe ice storm only affect the area inside the village borders?
Why are the residents killed by sub-zero temperatures but the troops have no cold weather gear?
This event has an emergency White House meeting called. President Andy Garcia is not happy, so he declares instead of sending up a team of experts to the space station he wants to send ONE MAN. Don't ask why, don't question the president. COS Ed Harris declares Jake is THAT MAN.
On the space station the flawed satellite is brought in to see why a 'check engine' light is on. A worker downloads the diagnostics but then a system flaw sees the walls blown out, sucking him into space.
My keen cinematic sense tells me there is more than cow farts responsible.
When Jake was fired his brother Max was put in charge of Dutch Boy, and this angered our hero so much the two have not spoken for 3 years.
As Max tries to sway his bro we know Jake is a loose cannon, because he lives in a trailer.
One worker on the international team in Hong Kong leaves the office and experiences a mass event. The streets explode, and skyscrapers topple like dominoes. Yes, literally.
A subtle message is hammered home as this guy manages to survive because he drives a Smart Car.
Jake goes to NASA for his trip to the station. He pulls up as a shuttle is lifting off and then moments later - in a perfect metaphor for the wasteful movie production - we see he is being launched into space all by himself.
A not-at-all hungover-looking Jake makes his triumphant return to the space station.
Jake is introduced to the leadership team on board and it is played for laughs when no one is aware who he is.
Considering all of the build up the film has made of his importance this is like no one at a popcorn factory having heard of Orville Redenbacher.
Jake learns what has been happening and he tele-field conferences with the White House to report someone is sabotaging the system.
What is not explained is why satellites designed to stop bad weather events manage to CAUSE catastrophic events when they are shut down.
The hacked satellite data can be found in a chip in one of the walls blown out earlier - of course - and it is stuck in an external tower. To retrieve it a spacewalk is needed - by the one guy on board not in space for 3 years. Jake nearly is lost when his space suit was hacked.
Jake learns someone plans to shut down the satellite network to cause rampant destruction. To learn who he checks on a secret backdoor he built into the system, but finds he is locked out.
So a hacker has compromised a part of the system they had no idea even existed. Sly, that.
Jake has come up with the plan--
He wants to shutdown the entire Dutch Boy network. This will reboot the entire system and purge the virus that was implanted.
Because a massive computer network operating thousands of satellites works just like your WiFi router from Best Buy.
Small question --
If a satellite going down causes a weather catastrophe then how is shutting down every single satellite considered a good idea?
In Brazil on a beach a cold event occurs where the waves freeze solid and people turn to ice sculptures. One girl in a bikini has a chase scene - with cold air.
She has to dodge frozen seagulls and a jet airliner falling from the sky.
There is a presidential convention in Orlando and our heroes believe President Andy Garcia is the hacker, so they need to kidnap him to get him to stop, before the system shuts down, and before the Geostorm occurs.
This is a cinematic first: A film with 2 countdown timers!
As they flee it becomes learned that it is Ed Harris behind it all. His plan is to have the leaders die in the Geostorm and he is installed as President. Except, he is ALSO in the same town as the leaders, so...
Then Orlando is besieged with lightning, which blows up the arena.
In ways that defy logic the space station blows up, and the satellite system that cost more than the earth's wealth in order to save the earth has been compromised. But we are sold all of this is a happy ending.
But take heart - Gerard Butler saved the world.
To summarize--
The budget was a fortune, then a new director had to fix the problems the studio noticed and film more scenes. In the end it cost over $120 million.
On opening weekend it made barely $13 million, which was less than the reshoots cost.
There's your real disaster.
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The press is actively working on behalf of Kamala Harris. The effort is being made to repair her image on the border crisis, and to do so they not only need to give revisionist history - they need to contradict themselves.
A thread: 1/
What can be said of a "fact" checker like @AndreByik who cannot manage to check his own paper's archives? 2/
A)At @Axios we get the lecture from @StefWKnight not to call Kamala a "Border Czar"
B) Like Axios has done.
C) Knight tries the current excuse that Harris only had a diplomatic role
D) It was reported tha Harris was "in charge" of the border -- by Stef Knight
Not to imply that the @NYTImes is obsessed with Trump running once again and desperate to have him back on their pages -- Instead I'll just display it.
All of these are from THE PAST DAY 1/
Annnnnnd...there's more 2/
I'm looking forward to the "There is no need for Trump and no one cares about him" series, delivered in 127 parts over the next 2 years. 3/
This piece is woefully insufficient in assessing what @60Minutes let transpire and delivered as 'journalism'.
Describing what they did as ''missing the mark'', and describing it as a ''sloppy moment'' completely excuses the malpractice they committed in going after DeSantis. 1/
The 'Pay for Play' is a serious accusation, insinuating a company bribed a government leader.
Not only did the show fail to provide evidence, it did not even describe the benefit the company allegedly received. They implied criminal behavior in the absence of a crime
2/
While @60Minutes claims they edited the presser discussion for time and ''clarity'', they did not clarify -- they altered the response from DeSantis entirely. He explained in the answer why Publix was a first retailer choice; the show never explained the detail.
3/
The press subsisted for years on President Trump allegedly involved with Russia. Deals with a foreign enemy, profiting while a threat to our nation, and tight with Putin while servicing a communist nation.
All said, the press should be very concerned about Joe Biden. A thread
1/
- Biden's friend former Senator Chris Dodd was President of Motion Picture Assoc. of America. Dodd praised Biden for Hollywood getting sweetheart deals with China.
- Biden met with Chinese politicians in LA and got an agreement for more US films and a greater cut of profits.
2/
-Also at the meetings with Chi-Com dignitaries were studio heads. By the end of their trip Dreamworks had a deal for a Chinese division valued at hundreds of millions.
- More studios made partnerships in China.
- China made inroads in US marketplace. townhall.com/columnists/bra…
3/
'Roight then -
Tonight we keep #ButlerFest moving along, our annual monthly tribute to master thespian @GerardButler.
This go 'round he places himself in the hands of Guy Ritchie, so Gerry is immersed in the mean streets of London for the ensemble crime romp ''Rocknrolla''.
Guy Ritchie exploded on the scene following his stylish neo-noir crime movies “Lock, Stock, & Two Smoking Barrels”, and the very excellent “Snatch”. His career was to be stratospheric
After years of middling success after martyring Madge Guy attempted to get back to his roots here with a gritty but flashy London crime caper.
Expect caffeinated editing, Dutch angles, a slew of arcane characters and accents thicker than blood pudding. #ButlerFest #Rocknrolla
It feels right for some Gerard Butler magic as we continue on our monthlong celebration of Scotland's master thespian.
I'm working without a net here, as I delve into a thriller of his I have never seen - SHATTERED.
The DVD-level poster speaks volumes. #ButlerFest #ShatteredMovie
A couple in a wonderful marriage becomes threatened by an outsider - with nefarious intentions! (all drama is assumed, at this stage.)
This 2007 thriller was once called ''Butterfly On A Wheel''. They dropped that clunker for a wholly generic title. #ButlerFest #ShatteredMovie
All right, let's dig in...
During the production cards we hear lightning - a promise of thrills and intrigue to come. These films, like a campaigning candidate, usually fail to deliver on those promises. #ButlerFest #ShatteredMovie