There’s this thing that most Nigerians(Nigerians because these are only the people that have done this repeatedly to me), do in the name of care that gets under my skin. I think it’s both wicked and manipulative.
I was speaking with a friend who recently got married and the first thing I told him was never to allow himself or his wife be pressured into making children immediately.
Most people are quick to remind you that they are yet to hear the cry of a baby after 9 months of marriage. But these same people will never ask "how are you doing? How is life? Is there anything I can help with?"
Their questions always come with a thin veil of care, but the reality is, they don't really care about you. They are only focused on their own selfish agenda.
Childbearing, in addition to child care, is ridiculously expensive and demanding. It places a demand on you emotionally, financially and mentally. One that most newlyweds aren't ready for.
So, before you remind people about not hearing the cry of a baby, ask yourself this question; what am I bringing/will I bring to the table when this child is here? No, we are not talking about that one pack of Molfix diapers that you will send. That isn't enough.
To the newlyweds, don't let anyone put you under any pressure, not even your parents. If they really want grandkids, they can adopt. They have lived their lives, live yours. This isn't you disrespecting them, this is you looking out for yourself.
Before Lee, I know someone who will always ask me when I will make kids, then it proceeded to her having dreams of me having kids. I asked her why she had never dreamt of me getting a promotion at work, buying a house, a car or furthering my education.
That was the end of the childbearing conversation.
I maintain that if you don't think you have the capacity to make kids, then don't. Kids will change your life, forever.
I maintain that if you don't think you have the capacity to make kids, then don't. Kids will change your life, forever.
In my lifetime, I will go through 10, maybe 15 cars and I have 3 options every time I am tired of a car; 1. Dispose of the car(drive it to a dump and leave it there) 2. Sell the car 3. Give it out. But none of these options will work for children,
they are my responsibilities forever. Forever is a long time. I can't just "dispose" or "get tired" of my kids.
If you're a grandparent, please let your kids take their time. If you're a "caring" family member, let the people in this marriage take their time.
Stop the emotional manipulation of telling people if their parents never wanted kids, they wouldn't be here. That was their parents choice. Let them make theirs.
When you're newly married, you can be impulsive; get home on a Friday night and still go out and see a movie or visit with friends till 1AM. That window will seize to exist the moment you start making kids.
Your kid will wake up hale and hearty and run around the entire house, but their temperature will suddenly hit the roof in the evening and you will end up in the hospital and spend the next 5 - 10 days there. This is reality.
You will get out of a plane and the moment your phone comes on, a text message from your significant other will drop; "X fell and chipped his/her front tooth. We are on our way to the hospital."
Your kids will never understand that you’re broke. In their world, that concept does not exist.
Children are forever, take your time.
Selah.
Children are forever, take your time.
Selah.
