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More from @eketiette

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@eketiette

Apr 20

When I was about seven years old, I represented my school at an event. As my father dropped me off at the venue, he asked me if the school was bringing me back home.

I said yes, that the school had arranged for a bus to take me home and he didn't need to come back for me.

When the event ended, I couldn't find any of my teachers. The only classmate I found, her parents came for her. Turns out, there was no bus; everyone had left on their own.

Despondent and terrified, I squatted down on the steps of Sacred Heart Cathedral and quietly began to cry.

How was I going to get home? My house was far away. I didn't know the way, being that I was a child who was chauffered everywhere. Why had I not just told my dad to come for me?

As I squatted there crying, I suddenly heard a familiar voice behind me. The voice of my father.

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E K E T I

@eketiette

Jun 30, 2023

Nigerian fathers when their wives travel:

*pushes bedroom door open and stomps inside daughter's room*

"Your mother said she was going for only ten days. It's been four days and she's not yet back. If I talk now, they'll say I'm restricting her freedom."

"Daddy, it's only been four days!"

"Ehen? Four days, ten days, what's the difference? What's she going to do there that she can't finish in four days and come home? Must she stay the whole ten days?"

"Awwwwn...you're missing her."

"Me? Miss who? Mtscheeeww. A woman who has been married for so many years, yet is so comfortable abandoning her matrimonial home for what I don't know."

"Don't worry. She'll soon be back."

Read 8 tweets

E K E T I

@eketiette

Jun 6, 2023

A few days ago, someone posted that they made okro soup with ₦1200 and there was a furore. A good number of people derided the author and said it wasn't possible. Now, I cannot tell you if it is impossible, but I can tell you about...

Mesuur, who lives in a lungu (ghetto) in one of Abuja's suburbs. She sells buns and occasionally, adds half a crate of Coca Cola to her merchandise. She couldn't make her rent this year and had to solicit for funds.

Her rent is ₦36,000.

A year.

Yes, for ₦3000 a month, she gets to live in a very lowly box that's made mostly of sand, with cement slapped on in patches. The ceiling is made of cartons and cardboard stitched together. Rats run across it and every so often, their droppings fall into her room...

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E K E T I

@eketiette

Nov 8, 2022

A lady who lives in my friend's compound, lost her husband and his people showed up from the village two days later to collect everything from her.
As they began to harass her to bring the documents for the house, the car keys and cheque books, a neighbour overheard them.

He went and called three other men who were around in the compound and briefed them on what was happening. These men dressed up; one of them, a policeman who was off duty, put o his uniform. Together, they went to her door and knocked.

One of her brothers-in-law opened the door and told them to go away, that they were having a family meeting.

The three men ignored him and barged into the house. They said they were from the bank, that the late man owed millions in debt and they were there to pack his things.

Read 11 tweets

E K E T I

@eketiette

May 10, 2022

Your name is Joy, and this is how you first learn uncertainty.

It starts when you're seven years old and Uncle Amaasi pulls you onto his lap. You can feel his erection, and even though you're not old enough to know what it is, you're aware enough to be uncomfortable.

The next time he comes to visit, you tell him you don't like him and don't want to sit on his lap. Your parents are surprised; they say you are rude and ask you to apologise to your uncle. They even demand that you sit on his lap to show that your apology came from your heart.

The next time you hear you're rude, is when that grown man toasts you by the roadside, at age thirteen. You don't know how old he is, but you can tell by his beard and prominent muscle tone, that he is far, far older than the boys in your school.

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E K E T I

@eketiette

May 3, 2021

School of Health Technology, somewhere in Sokoto State.

The Lecturer 1 hands over a list to the new Lecturer 2 who will be teaching Global Health and Health Promotion to the school's 300 Level students. The list has the names the 409 students she'll be teaching.

She walks into the class, greets and introduces herself. Then she writes UNICEF and WHO on the board and asks for the meanings of these acronyms. Her question is met with blank stares and head shakes. She repeats the question. The reactions are the same as before. She's stunned.

One of the students raises his hand.

"Malama," he says, "I will interpret. They don't hear you. Ba turenci."

He become her de facto interpreter and course rep, translating her English to Hausa. But his English leaves much to be desired. There are many words he can't interpret.

Read 12 tweets

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