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Storyteller | Content creator | Writing tutor https://t.co/e3iBDwIqSu | +234 080 2114 0240 | Email: eketiette@gmail.com
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13 Jul
From a dungeon carved out under the ground, Joseph was dragged out before the Pharaoh and asked to interpret two dreams.

He had only one work experience on his CV and that had happened by chance. He’d noticed that two men were dejected.
Concerned, he’d stopped and asked them, “Why do you look so sad today?”

That question led to him interpreting their dreams. Years later, one of those men gave his reference to the king. He had no idea if it was a first-time thing for Joseph or not.
He’d seen results and recommended him in glowing terms to the highest office in the land.

Have you ever wondered what your single work experience is? Have you ever volunteered or selflessly done work that was so good that at the point of a need, your name came up years after?
Read 8 tweets
25 May
Every day, in a certain town, the Poor Man goes to the house of the Rich Man.

He joins the crowd at the gate, made up mostly of other men like him and boys. They sit there patiently until the hour comes for the Rich Man to feed them.
The gates are thrown open and coolers of rice, beef, rams, goats, millet meals and sauces are shared to the crowd. The Poor Man and his friends eat enough and even have some to take home to their family.

This is what the kind Rich Man does every day.
After they’ve eaten, the Poor Man and the other beneficiaries pray for the Rich Man.

May his pockets never run dry and may his enemies never find him. May he never lack and may God bless him so he can keep feeding them. If he ever needs their help, they’ll be there to offer it.
Read 15 tweets
30 Apr
A little over three months ago, the University of Nigeria, UNN, published her admissions list.

The students who had been granted admission went there, paid their fees and registered. They even had lectures for about three months before the ASUU strike and Covid-19 struck.
Now, while they were at home, a good number of them received text messages changing their course of study from courses like Law, political science, public admin; from and Medicine and Surgery to Medical Lab Science, Anatomy, etc.
A few sources said UNN allegedly over admitted and asked the students to accept the new courses, then switch back to their courses of choice, in their second year.

If this is the case, won't the classes in the second year be overfilled when the switches are made?
Read 16 tweets
7 Apr
THE MIRACLES:

It was the third day of The Resurrection.

The stadium of the Middle Belt Province, formerly known as the National Stadium, Abuja, teemed with bodies as people pushed through the gates, hoping to be seated before the event began. All sorts were there;
the crème of the society, those currently trying to be and those who’d never been. They’d all gathered, united by one purpose: to see their loved ones again.

“Daddy, is Governor Natas really going to bring Mum back?” asked seven-year-old Uzezi, as she held her father’s hand.
“Yes, Uzezi,” Omoefe Okpe whispered back and hugged her close. “I hope that he calls her name today. If that happens…when that happens, she’ll be going home with us.”

It’d been four years since his wife's death in an airplane crash.
Read 22 tweets
13 Mar
When I began visiting the female section of prisons, I was struck by the ratio of female visitors who were there for the male inmates, to the men who were there to see the women.

More often than not, female inmates were visited by mothers/sisters than by male partners/family.
I think what broke my heart the most were the pregnant women who were abandoned by their partners. These women give birth in jail, and the children live there with them. Their partners never come to check on them.

@Enwongocleopas put this in clear terms.
"Due to the nature of practice I'm currently involved in, I visit the prison regularly.

At the visitors' waiting area, you'll see just women sitting there with foodstuff, money, medications etc. for their husbands, brothers, relatives, friends who are inmates.
Read 10 tweets
4 Mar
They say that by virtue of marriage you're from your husband's state. But he can't come from yours. Yet you can't run for office in his state or yours because you're not an indigène in either place.

So, are we saying a married Nigerian woman is an internally displaced person? 🤔
The funny thing is, there's actually no law that says a married woman hails from her husband's state and vice versa. Nor one that prohibits her from running for office there.
But tribal sentiments are strong things and demolishing them is an entire life's mission.
It's shows how backward we are, when a Nigerian man/woman can run for the office or mayor in New York after living there for a few years.

Yet their relatives back home while rejoicing, would reject a woman's nomination to an office, for being from a different state.
Read 8 tweets
27 Feb
"A man goes to his rich neighbours house in distress. His neighbour is the community leader.

He says, "Sir, I came to tell you that your son broke into my house again. He killed my son, raped my daughters, stole my money and set my house on fire."
"This boy again!" exclaims the community leader. "Eh, security, go and catch that my son."

The guard hunts down the boy and brings him to his father.

"My son, stop being misguided. Take this 10m naira and stop stealing, please," he says to the boy.
Then he turns to his neighbour and says, "Neighbour, sorry eh? This is the last time. He will not do it again."

Unhappy, the neighbour say, "Ah, Oga this is not fair. When my own son crossed your yard, you hunted him down and ensured that the security arrested and detained him.
Read 9 tweets
22 Jan
Parent A is the proprietress of the school. On several occasions, the daughter has come to school hungry, wearing unwashed uniforms from the week before.

When other children are eating during break, she’d be staring at them with longing.
The class teacher noticed and started bringing her lunch. Same teacher makes will braid the girl’s hair.

The mother, on the other hand, will have a makeup artist come to school and do her makeup mostly on Mondays and Thursdays.
Parents B drop off their two children at the creche as early as 6:30 in the morning. Unbathed, in their night clothes, still asleep.

It got to a point that the proprietress, for the sake of the children, asked them to keep a box of clothes for the children at school.
Read 22 tweets
16 Jan
IF YOU WISH TO ADOPT IN NIGERIA

"Step 1: Information.
Visit the social welfare secretariat in your state's Ministry for Women Affairs. There, you will be given relevant forms and information.

Step 2: Checks.
When you have submitted the accurately filled forms, the social
workers will carry out the necessary checks; bank accounts, criminal records, work place, home, family etc. to be sure that you are who you say you are and your intentions are genuine.

Step 3: Referrals
If you have been cleared you will be referred to a few orphanages to meet
Children eligible for adoption.
Please note that while orphanages are full of children, not all of them can be adopted.

Some have single parents who are be unable to care for them at the moment, some are part of a court process, ugly custody cases or being sheltered from abuse.
Read 15 tweets
10 Jan
Whatever your reaction, as far as Nigeria is concerned, o dikwa risky. Lemme give you small gist.

I know a guy, we’ll call him Caesar, whose friend came from out of town and crashed at his place. The morning after he arrived, Caesar went out for his usual morning jog.
When he got back, the friend was still sleeping, or so he thought. Caesar went to wake him so he could prepare for the meeting he’d come for.

Caesar shook the guy but he didn’t wake. He checked his pulse and got nothing. He realised the guy was dead.
After several agonising minutes of arguing with himself over what to do, he decided to do the right thing as a law-abiding citizen. He knew it was a tricky situation because…Nigeria. Still, he went ahead and informed the police.

First off, Caesar was arrested.
Read 26 tweets
13 Dec 19
It was 1:18 a.m. when the shots rent the night air, shredding the silence.
I recall the exact time, as I’d just checked it on my phone, and told Ti-Abasi that it was too late in the night for her to be giggling so loudly. I hadn't even put down the phone when the pops went off.
They were so loud like it was right inside the compound. Startled, we stared at each other.

“What’s that?” Ti asked, breathless.

Gunshots. My realisation was mirrored in her eyes. She dove for the light switch and next thing, the room was cloaked in darkness, save for the dim
illumination which seeped through the curtains, from the halogen street lights across the road.

Blood pooled in my head, and it began to pound, and then buzz like the sound of a thousand bees. My mouth went dry, and my heart’s rhythm abruptly changed. It began to thump fast,
Read 42 tweets
29 Oct 19
My people, I have small gist.

So, in view of the things a few aggressive men have tried on me lately, I decided to go and brush up my skill. I registered for a new #selfdefence course.

I should write a diary entry of each session. The last one - I'll call it 'Choke me, Zaddy.'
It's been two days and I've still not recovered. 😭

What happened?

Relax, I'll gist you.

It's me that went to go and kee myself o. They didn't send me.

The class was progressing well, until our Sensei said we're going to practice how to remove ourselves from a chokehold.
Shebi it's the small small nonsense you people post on this online and I'll be reading, that caused it. Because I don't know when my mouth opened and I said...

"Oshe! Choke me, Zaddy."

Sensei took me seriously o.

He said, "You. Come."

I said, "No, sir. I want to go."
Read 11 tweets
2 Oct 19
I didn't know the the phrase "A friend in need" had a reverse meaning, until I met someone. We'll call her Martha. A friend in need is supposed to be someone who's there for you whenever you're at a low point in your life or going through tough times.
Well, Martha was this kind of friend, but not in the way you think. You see, whenever I went through some bad times, Martha was there.

"Eketi how are you holding up?"

"Eketi don't worry, God's in control. He'll see you through."

"Babe, stop worrying. I'm always here for you."
I was happy to have such a friend and even boasted to others about it. However, after a while, I began to notice a disturbing pattern. Doubtful, I put my suspicions to the test and to my sadness, my suspicions passed the tests with flying colours.
Read 10 tweets
23 Sep 19
What are the odds that three women would randomly meet in the same hair salon and each would talk about their boyfriend, who turns out to be the same man?

Now somebody's daughter can't go home until this gist is over.

Girlllll! Oh no, he didn't! Say what?
Someone's daughter finally got the whole gist.

I've been doing research for a new story series I'm working on. It's set in a local hair salon.
See enh, I used to think this city is low-key boring. Nah. I just wasn't going to the right places.
Hair salons? Fadalawd! The things my ears have heard. I don't want to give too much away, because una must buy the book when it's launched.

Is it the one where a man dragged his wife to change the weave she'd worn for six months? Egads! The salon stank when that thing came off.
Read 27 tweets
30 Jul 19
Miss M had just handed out the exam question papers to her pupils, in the private school where she teaches French.

"Miss M, how are the answers arrange?" asked one pupil. "Is it AA or BB or ABAB?"

It took Miss M a few seconds to understand the child's question.
Her shock led her probe further. Turns out the previous teacher always rehearsed the exam questions with the pupils and also told them in what order she'd arranged the answers.

The pupils didn't need to read or understand the questions. They just followed the given format.
Why would a teacher do this, you may ask.

Because many private schools in Nigeria fire teachers when their students fail. Even when there's proof that the student has learning difficulties, isn't old enough or ready for that class or needs extra attention.
Read 18 tweets
26 Jul 19
There is a king, King Él Elyon.

One day, he sent his son, down to the village where his people lived. This son was also king, equal with his father.

He was known as Yeshua HaMashiach. The Son-King. Jesus the Christ.
The Son-King came down and lived with his people. He loved them and wished to give his life for them.
One day, he climbed a mountain and began to speak to his people.

"You are the SALT of the earth," he said.
Be salt.
For the world, you will be the antiseptic that kills the bacteria of selfishness, lust, anger, pride, abuse, ego, wickedness, self-righteousness, and perversions.

Be salt.
For the world, you will be the ones who heal the earth, bring peace, joy, laughter,
Read 20 tweets
9 Jun 19
Some people are going crazy because a woman who's been widowed for two years is remarrying. It's 2019 but Nigerian widows still face this kind of censure.

Mama's friend became widowed at 27. She had a son. She tried to remarry at 32. The furore over her decision was shocking!
Her late husband's family ordered that she "return their grandson," if she dared to ahead and marry.
She's 59 today. Still unmarried.

In 2007, my friend Nene* was widowed at 26. She was accused of killing her husband. To prove her innocence, she was made to drink the water with
which his corpse was washed and sleep next to the corpse for three days. Before the ink on his death certificate had dried, his brothers carted away EVERYTHING they owned.

At a family meeting, she was asked to choose one of her husband's brothers (already married) as a spouse.
Read 13 tweets
1 Jun 19
There's a war on women in Abuja, by the Nigerian Police Force.

Returning from a literary event by 9pm, the Taxify driver asked me to sit in front with him.

"It's better if they think we're husband and wife."

At a checkpoint, a policeman pointedly asked him if we were married.
Someone just shared a story of her 21-year-old daughter pulled out of a Taxify by policemen in Wuse. They dismissed her ride and detained her.

Searched her wallet and "arrested" her for have old 20 and 50 naira notes. The mother had to call a DCP to get her released.
If women aren't even safe in what passes for private vehicles, what's next?

Hunting us down until we stop appearing in public? Breaking into our homes and dragging us out for not going anywhere?

Because at this rate, nothing is too ridiculous for the Nigerian police to do.
Read 5 tweets
8 Feb 19
“Sir, do you have a Will?”
“God forbid! Barrister, are you praying for me to die?”

“Madam, do you have a Will?”
“Me? Will? Is that not for men?”

Let me tell you a true story, about how a Will can make or break a family and how you’re #NotTooYoungToWill.
Names and locations have been changed. You know why.

Let me tell you about this guy, Emeka.
He was the smartest boy in school. Always came 1st. One year, for a state competition, he was chosen to represent his school. Being the smartest guy in the village school is one thing;
it’s another to compete at state level and win.

Emeka won.
After the dust of jubilation settled, Emeka’s father called a family meeting. He didn’t mince words.

“Emeka, your teacher came to see me. He said that you have a good chance to go to school abroad. That he can help..
Read 34 tweets
23 Jan 19
Three women are seated in the booth behind me. Discussing quite audibly the "wisdom" in hiding kids from a future spouse.

"No need to tell him. Let them stay with your Mum."

Examples are given of those who've done it before. I am chilled. Hiding a whole child from your fiancé?
Lady A says,

"My sister kept her son with my Mum. She told her husband that he's our cousin's child.

If she'd told him the truth, he wouldn't have married her. Now she's in the US with her lovely husband & children. She still sends money for her son. That's what matters."

Me:
Lady B chips in.

"Yes o. These men pretend that they're not judging you. Na lie. Just tell them you've dropped one. That's the end of the love."

Lady A concurs. Lady C sounds worried.

"Babe, you sure?" she asks. "How can I leave my children for someone else?"
Read 6 tweets
31 Dec 18
Some field work will send you to bed each night, in tears. Especially the ones that show that things are worse than you'd ever imagined.

Earlier this month, while conflicted over whether to share this or not, the Zamfara killings became a trending topic.
This place we went to is called Sabon Koki - meaning new Koki - in Bungudu local government of Zamfara state. It’s called new Koki because old Koki was razed to the ground by cattle rustlers.

Every evening at 6 p.m., all the men in the village abandon the community and move to
...the surrounding villages to sleep. Because EVERY NIGHT, the bandits come. They are not in a hurry, these purveyors of evil. They take their time to rape, pillage and eat dinner.

Many of the village's children, like the one in the picture below, are fathered by these bandits.
Read 11 tweets