I lived in Beirut for the better part of 15 years. I wrote a book about my time there. As you might imagine, I have a lot to say.
Ten years ago—hell, five years ago—I might've said yes.
But what happened in Beirut last week is profoundly not my story.
I didn't grow up there. I'm not from there. Unlike a lot of my friends from there—
It broke my heart to leave Beirut. But I was also lucky to be able to. I had the ability, the privilege, & above all the status—the right passport, the right nationality—to leave.
I had. Somewhere. Else. To go.
Who can't visit relatives. Who get scholarships because they're brilliant & talented, & can't even come here to take them.
I got residency in Lebanon with ease. They can't even get a visa to /visit/ the US.
Unlike my ex, & millions of other Lebanese who live abroad, I don't have to keep sending money home in order to help relatives who pay the corruption tax every day, just by living there.
The cost of living in Beirut is astrof**kingnomical. Think NYC rents—but in a country where the minimum wage is $450 a month.
"You can't afford to live in Lebanon unless you live somewhere else," a friend once joked, in frustration.
But I didn't /live/ them. Not directly. Not the same way as someone who /has/ to live them.
I didn't live the crushing sadness of someone who is forced to leave their own country in order to
I didn't live the corrosive hopelessness of someone who keeps trying & trying but can't get ahead because a warlord's son or daughter or crony or client always gets the job instead.
I don't know it in my bones the way they do.
This isn't just some virtuous, "ooh look at me, I'm being such a white ally" faux mea culpa liberal guilt humblebrag, btw—like, Oh the poor downtrodden Lebanese,
F**k that s**t.
This is about people being the goddam f**king experts on their own lived experience.
As an American, it is my responsibility to examine my country's role in the Middle East. To do that, you listen & learn.
But as long as you have somewhere else to go, there's a level you still can't understand.
Can never understand.
else.
to go.
I'm not saying don't do it. It's our job to understand other peoples' experiences. But don't mistake experience for expertise. Know what you know, & what you don't.
Why are some people listened to, while others are not?
Why do media/publishing/academia treat some people as biased or subjective when they tell their stories—but not others?
One of the simplest & most powerful things we can do is stfu. And pass the f'ing mic.
Ask yourself: is this my story to tell? Can someone else tell it better?
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all.
To anyone who had to put up with that: my sincerest apologies.
But I've said a lot of it. #PublishingPaidMe to write about it.
So when that newspaper asked me to write about Lebanon, I replied with the names of some Lebanese writers & reporters I know.
And stay tuned for a list of Lebanese & Lebanon-adjacent writers, reporters, bloggers, thinkers, poets, punsters, professors, public intellectuals, activists & unstoppable anti-corruption machines for you to follow.