Here's a little story about a hero named Marty who stopped by the side of the road this morning as I was wondering aimlessly about picking up sticks and hand sawing what little a could of our disastrous front yard. (We lost a two giant trees, a hackberry and a box elder) 1/ 
I was in a pretty foul mood because I got up at 4:30 AM or so and had a small confrontation with some guys from Midamerican. Then a big old box truck from the Johnson County Emergency management team drove by and asked if I needed any water or ice. 2/
I asked them where the hell they had been when we needed that stuff on Tuesday and walked away from them. (I am sort of an asshole if you haven't noticed.) Then a young man in a bronco pulled up and asked if I needed any help. 3/
I told him, "no thanks" in a somewhat civilized manner and he said, "Are you sure? I've got a really big chainsaw. I just ask that we social distance and wear masks?" Well, that sold me. I agreed and he said he would be right back. 4/
I walk inside and try to gather some water bottles that were unopened to offer him and whatever cash we had laying around, about 80 bucks. He comes back with a big ass Stihl chainsaw, safety glasses, and wearing a pretty slick looking cloth mask. 5/
He tells me his name is Marty and he just got back from helping his girlfriend's parents clear some trees in Cedar Rapids. We discuss how to remove the trees (this discussion consists of him telling me what he planned to do and me nodding) 6/
He proceeded to saw up both trees just as fast as you please into manageable chunks and it was clear he knew exactly what he was doing. He was a groundskeeper at a frisbee golf previously and that he was also an Eagle Scout. 7/
I gave him my 80 bucks which he tried to refuse. I forced him to take it. Then, I asked, if he didn't mind, to help my next door neighbor out with their downed tree. You don't have to obviously, I said, but it's pretty small and before I finished talking he said, sure. 8/
He then proceeded to take care of their tree too. My neighbor asked me who he was and I shrugged and said, "Marty or Superman, I'm not sure which." She asked if I thought her husband would mind if she just hopped into the bronco with him and rose off into the sunset." 9/
I said, " I wouldn't blame you if you did and I don't think he would either." Anyways, I managed to pry his address out of him. I don't even know what to give him except money so we're gonna do that obviously. But if my wife had left with him, I wouldn't of blamed her either. 10/
I've been that dummy on the roof praying for God to save him from the flood for a few days and I kept saying "no" to every offer of help he sent. So thanks Marty Superman the Eagle Scout. I'm pretty sure you're an actual honest to goodness angel and I hope you take checks. 11/
Folks wanna help and folks need help. Don't be ashamed to ask and don't be too proud to say yes. Also, never ask God to speak to you directly. That's how you get derechos. Miracles and magick happen if you open your eyes and ears to see and hear it. End. #derecho2020 #iowacity
