Watching Jaws for the first time. Here we go. 
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I never find old horror movies scary. They always just come off cheesy to me. The Thing and The Exorcist just made me laugh.
I did Alien
You can’t even run your ass down a beach cause you’re so drunk but you gonna try to get into the ocean and swim?
RIP
RIP
Loving the score thus far.
Of course it’s some white girl named Chrissie.
They didn’t have blackout curtains in 1975?
I got mine for $25 at WalMart.
I got mine for $25 at WalMart.
Where does this take place?
EWWWW.
Is Dewey from Scream the only Deputy they have in this town? MESS.
Don’t tell me we’re gonna have to spend half this movie thinking Chrissie was killed in a “boating accident” all because Kato Kaelin was too trashed to tell everyone what happened
Why did I think this was Rita Moreno? 😫
He looks like Rand Paul
If something happens to this dog I’m mass blocking all of you.
These skimpy 70s swim trunks are wasted on all these skinny white dudes with chicken legs. What a missed opportunity
I don’t care about all the screaming little brats — just please not the dog 😫
Somebody actually named they child Pippet? What kind of Gwyneth Paltrow mess?
THERES A SHARK! SO LETS HAVE EVERYONE ON THE BEACH RUN INTO THE WATER!
Damn, some of y’all shouldn’t have skipped the sunscreen.
Multiple people are dead from an apparent shark attack
White people: “I hope they don’t close the beaches...”
White people: “I hope they don’t close the beaches...”
Ron DeSantis’ spirit animal?
LMAO SOMEBODY SAID 24 HOURS IS LIKE THREE WEEKS. IM SCREAMING
Shiiiiit y’all better scrape together a GoFundMe and pay this dude his coins to kill that shark.
Lemme guess. Some of the residents of Amity defy the beach closing order.
Aww. An adorable little cocker.
I don’t get it. They attached a big piece of meat to a tire and a rope.
....Then what? 😐
....Then what? 😐
Oh.
My favorite character thus far.
Why do these people keep involving innocent pups in their foolishness?
That’s Richard Dreyfuss?!
😳
What kind of Becki Falwell mess?
What kind of Becki Falwell mess?
Now y’all know that ain’t the right damn shark.
Why do I keep thinking the main dude is the guy from Millennium (the tv show)?
So Hooper is basically the Dr. Fauci of this movie
Oh shit 😳
Just hire somebody to kill the damn shark and get it over with. Y’all stay making dumb decisions
That sign tho 💀
So y’all don’t want to close the beaches because you depend on the tourism. What the fuck you thinks going to happen when word gets out about all these damn people getting killed by sharks on your beach?
Why don’t you get YOUR broken down used car salesman ass in the water?
LOOK. THE HIPAA LAWS SAY KAREN HAS A RIGHT TO GET HER LEGS CHEWED OFF BY A GREAT WHITE, OK?!
All this chaos because of a couple of dumbass kids playing games? Some people almost got trampled. Send they ass to juvie.
Omg Brody told the kids to go play in the pond and that’s exactly where the shark is headed
JESUS
I know this dude ain’t smoking in the middle of a damn hospital
Not Quint having all these demands for alcohol and food like he Mariah Carey
“Maybe it’s a marlin or a stingray”
UHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BITCH MOVE
“We’re gonna need a bigger boat, right? How do we handle this? HOW DO WE HANDLE THIS?!”
OMG THE WAY THAT BOAT IS TEETERING BACK AND FORTH
I don’t understand what’s happening now. They shot some barrel into the water and now they’re just sitting around waiting?
This feels like the beginning to one of those vintage gay porns
I love Bayard Rustin’s internet
Oh.
Omg the barrel’s movingggggggg
WTF is this song they’re singing? Is this one of those universal white people theme songs like Sweet Caroline?
THE BOAT IS TAKING IN WATER
YOU BITCHES ARE GOING TO CAPSIZE
YOU BITCHES ARE GOING TO CAPSIZE
What was the point of that?
Chiiiiiile
Quint, you’re a psycho.
This seems bad.
Wait, I know good and goddamn well Richard Dreyfuss ain’t about to go underwater and swim up to this shark so he can shoot him in the mouth?
Did he just drop the thing he was supposed to stab the shark with?
YOU HAD ONE JOB
Omg y’all gon die
Well shit. Bye Quint
At least the city doesn’t have to payout the $3000.
This is the point in the movie where it would be a really good idea to make like E.T. and phone home.
Oh.
Wait.
Oh.
Wait.
YES STAB THE FUCK OUTTA THAT BITCH
“Smile you son of a bitch”
Oh here come Hooper’s goofy ass after Chief Brody already done handled business
I know Chief Brody better take his ass RIGHT BACK to New York after all this shit.
Anyway, if you enjoyed these tweets feel free to contribute to my wine fund for the next one. 🤗
ko-fi.com/notcapnamerica
ko-fi.com/notcapnamerica
